Just Another Wasted Youth

Chantel. 22. College student who's taking a break. They say there is nowhere but up and I'm just trying to find my way there.

[koow]

[hyenuh-deactivated20230717]

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I am so tired. Sometimes I feel so tired. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. So tired. The pressure builds and builds. Seems like there's no release. The things I see go unnoticed by some. Fills my eyes and heart. Anger and guilt and frustration. And depression makes waking up every day harder and harder. Where’s my fitness to the world with my chance to survive. I got to get money so I can have a home. So I can breathe, eat and live in this society. I don’t even like money, And I got to work everyday just to feed myself. God it makes me sick. I just wanna curl up into a hole and die in this. This isn’t worth it. I need a raise man! I can’t survive on this faith anymore. I can’t live on this.

[heavylezzers-deactivated2021091]

[islashedyourtires-blog]

I’m feeling emotionally unstable, but then again when haven’t I?  I really don’t remember the last time I felt as if my head was completely on my shoulders.  I want to scream at times and other times I don’t even want to make a sound.  These thoughts keep racing through my head and I don’t know which way to turn.  Day after day I feel as if I am going nowhere.... circle after circle.  Nothing new.  I’m so tired.  So fucking tired.

[islashedyourtires-blog]

[smoketogethighcustheworldissolow]

[harryllewellyniv-deactivated202]

[migrains-deactivated20190924]

[islashedyourtires-blog]

Wow, it’s been forever since I have logged on here.  I used to keep up with this thing everyday and for hours at a time, but life happened.  Life keeps happening and I am only growing older with more obligations.  I wonder if anyone I used to talk to frequently still uses this.  I have no clue.  Hmmmm, well if anyone is even reading this, or even cares, I will give an update.  Life has been treating me very good and I am not severely depressed anymore.  I still have my moments, but I can truly say that life is looking up.  Sometimes I get down on myself because I haven’t gone back to college yet, or because I am working at a stagnant job; however, I should be proud of myself regardless of how big, or small these steps may seem.  I’m no longer addicted to heroin, or any hard drugs in general.  I feel great to say that I am going on a year and eight months clean from heroin/opiates in general.  I did it on my own and I am still pretty much doing it on my own.  I had no other option and it has been a struggle, but I’m so proud to say that it’s only been getting easier.  Other than that, I have been saving money and plan to finally get out, see the world for once.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I can do this hopefully before next winter.  I really do not want to be stuck here another year, but I do want to have a decent amount of money saved.  On top of that, so does my boyfriend.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, but I am finally not single after all these years.  He gives me a feeling I haven’t ever felt before and I am so grateful that he has come into my life.  He is like my other half already and it makes me so nervous.  Yet, I am not a psychic and I cannot allow my anxiety to get the best of me.  Whatever happens, happens.  In the end, I am still content where I am currently in this journey we call life and I am finally learning to love myself again.  Every breath of air finally feels so fresh.

[ruinerx]

[mydrugsarebetter]

[llogicas]

[cocvino-deactivated20160219]

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[soleilarchive-deactivated201902]

You bring good to my lonely life. I would be nothing without your love.

[islashedyourtires-blog]

Marley twists, the best decision I made in awhile.

[islashedyourtires-blog]

Some of the people I work with are very stupid. For example, there is a woman at my job and she has two facebooks. Why? Her explanation is because she needs one for her computer and one for her phone. Do I need to say anymore?

[hurricane-mom]

[weebtaki-blog]

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Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette, Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet, Out from the window see her back drop silhouette, This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget