Ismay Wilde

Ismay Wilde : Owner of The English Garden : 33 : The Looking Glass : "Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance"

As soon as Ismay starts asking Lucy’s already preparing to say it, the words that were becoming her mantra. Her mouth snaps shut though once Ismay tells her what she doesn’t want to hear. With a sigh, her mask of effervescent happiness falls and a sound like the choking back of sorrowful tears escapes her throat. She wanted things to be fine she needed them to be but they weren’t. She couldn’t go on hiding this, not from May. Not only was she her best friend but also her boss. She also knew about her passing out on the stage, she’d sent her home.

“I’m- I’m ruined May. And I don’t know how it happened.” setting down the plat on the little round table she leans against it, arms folded over her chest “I’m meticulous about my birth control. I take mine every day and make all my male clients take one before we start.” Shaking her head she pushes off the table and looks a bit forlorn.

“Except I didn't with Nat- fuck-” she begins pacing, keeping her body moving. If she was moving she wouldn't burst into tears, let her mouth say what it may but she wanted control over her eyes right now. “And now he’s gone. He left me May. After all that talk! For what? One last cheap fuck? Well, he fucked me alright. And they’re laughing at me. I know they are. Stupid whore gives it away to any man who claims he loves her.” she lets out a shuttered breath. It was getting harder to hold back the tears. 

[ismay-the-rose]

The look on Lucy’s face changes drastically,  she was right, something was up. How could something not be bothering Lucy horribly? Usually she was a very healthy person and yet the other day May had to send her home after she passed out on stage during a rehearsal. That just doesn’t happen to Lucy. The moment her friend mentions birth control makes May’s blood chill in her veins. Her heart breaks a little for her friend. She didn’t deserve this. Ismay liked Nat and she liked Nat and Lucy together but in the same breath why the hell did he go and leave her!? It better be something important as far as Ismay is concerned, not just that he’d been summoned by the White Queen so she could hold him in a room somewhere to use are her stress relief, it would run in the family.

May simply stands and lets Lucy get her words out. It sounds like that’s what she needs at the moment. Ismay’s heart hurts more by the time she’s done talking and that sad shuddering breath that’s the harbinger of tears final has May move to hug Lucy. “No, no you are not ruined. And no one is laughing at you. If they are they didn’t deserve the time of day from you to begin with. Their mothers should be ashamed of them.” Ismay hugs her friend tightly wanting to cure some of her own loneliness. “Are you certain you’re pregnant? As for Nat,” May rubs Lucy’s back, “he would never have purposely used you. I don’t know where he went either but you are not a stupid whore and don’t ever call yourself that again.” May hesitates for a moment over whether or not to tell Lucy. They were commiserating so they might as well do it together. “If it makes you feel less terrible about yourself, Cal has been distant even when I go to visit him at his house. I think I permanently ruined any chance I had at starting over with Dexter because -” May’s voice dies in her throat. “Because after Dex came over to my place he left his cap, I went to return it and I ended up sleeping with Dorian, and it wasn’t sex, he fucked me. But more than that Lucy, you’re not alone. I don’t know what’s going on with the birth control…but I think I might also be in the same way. I haven’t heard back from my Nine.”

[ismay-the-rose]

“It’s very certain.” Her voice is hollow with disappointment. “Bill took me to see a Nine before taking me home the other day, because of the whole passing out thing- ” she shakes her head against Ismay’s shoulder her arms wrapping round her friend. Why hadn’t she done this sooner? It felt so good to let this out. “I never wanted this. What am I supposed to do with a child! And I am stupid, I let myself get caught up in Nat for the second time when clearly relationships are not for me. I loved Nat- I- still love him. As much as I want to slap him and send him to the depths of hell I want him to pull me into his arms and tell me everything is going to be alright.” Letting out a shuddered breath she pulls back one hand to wipe at the tears starting to spill down her cheeks. “I’m sorry about Cal. I had such high hopes for us.” It was more than a little discouraging to hear that May wasn’t faring much better in the love department but, her next words had Lucy pulling back from her friend in shock. “You what?!  With who? Dorian?! Geeze and I thought I was bad with Theo- but seriously May, Dorian??” Then Ismay had another revelation “Good lord I need a drink now” And as soon as she says it she winces. There could be no more of that. She can’t help another sigh escaping her lungs. “You did always say you wanted kids… looks like you got your wish. I wanted to get rid of it you know… I was supposed to have an appointment this morning. I just couldn’t go through with it which is crazy.” She shrugs. “What are we going to do?”

Ismay rubs her palm in circles on Lucy's back. It makes May a little sad to hear her friend so disappointed and dejected about her situation. "I know you didn't, love. I know. Hey now, contrary to all of your doubts I know you'll make a really great mom. Besides, no one said you had to do this by yourself." Like Lucy before her May nods into her shoulder. "Believe me I know exactly how you feel. I love Dexter, I have for a very long time and I still do but he hut me beyond what I knew was possible." Ismay sees the little tears starting to fall when Lucy pulls out of the hug. Her throat starts to feel tight, like she's about to cry but she can't. "I'm sorry about Cal too. I know he's not trying to hurt me but every time he pulls away when we finish it's like another little cut. He doesn't trust me, and I suppose in some cases I don't deserve trust. But I can't hurt him, I can't tell him that I can't see him any more. That I will no longer have him as my client. All he does is pull away when I move forward. Then he gets upset when I go to pull away." "Excuse me what? Have I been so out of it lately that I missed completely that Theo Kendler had come to you as a client? Is this not a happier topic for us to talk about rather than my complete lack of sense where the Schade brothers are concerned. Besides, Dorian isn't half as bad as you think he is. He's very good actually. I was tired, scared and cold and he made me feel safe and gave me three orgasams. I know what you think of him but he's a good man. But Theo you say? Do tell!" May reaches to wipe a tear off her friends cheek. She gives Lucy her best reassuring smile. "It's not crazy. Either way it's not crazy." She's set to console her friend more but there's a knock at the door. "You stay, it's probably just someone selling something.  I'll send them away." May returns the the kitchen after what felt like ages of her simply staring at the Hare who had brought her the test results. With an uncharacteristically blank face she hands Lucy the opened letter. Dear Ismay, The results of your tests have come back from the lab as negative. Thank you for choosing our office to provide you with the quality health care you deserve, sincerely,   Carmand Emile, Nine

[dumschade-blog]

He narrows his eyes at the way she’s smiling but any kind of positivity is infectious to him. He allows a little, lopsided grin. He moves a little closer and reclaims his stool at the bar. He signals the bartender and is brought a fresh glass of water. He takes a delicate sip. This woman sure is something. She’s infuriating, mysterious to him, and too pretty to be of this earth. His eyes scan over her since she’s leaning, then settle back on her face. He arches an eyebrow and gives a little bit more of a genuine smile. 

“You could say that my hands are capable of a lot of things.” he mutters slyly, unable to help himself. He stops to think, looking down and toying with a stray napkin. “I like making flowers. They’re harder than most other things. Roses, actually. Which is why I’m so good at them.”

[ismay-the-rose]

That little grin! She has him back and their conversation is on course. He doesn't know how warm he makes her feel right now. She's not performing right now, not at all, but May feels amazing having her favourite audience member looking her over. Should could bask in his gaze all day, and had on more than one occasion once upon a time. "Mine as well." It's honestly a little fun for May, pretending that she's just meeting Dex. Frustrating, but fun. "Roses? Maybe that's a sign too. Or perhaps roses are simply flowers worth spending a lot of time and effort on. The flower you made me before, you didn't have another paper so it didn't have a stem, but can you add thorns to the stems to make them even closer to being perfect. Or are the thorns too hard to do? But really, where's the satisfaction if there isn't a little pain along the way?"

[dumschade-blog]

He turns to look at her when she reaches out to touch his arm and for some reason, he can’t bring himself to pull away. Dexter listens to her. A muscle clenches in his jaw and his nostrils flare. She knows? How could she know, out of everyone? Dorian wouldn’t have told her of his own free will. She could in no way have deduced it on her own. That meant, in the past, he was the one who told her. It was like a message from past Dexter to present Dexter. If she knew their secret, she could be trusted. He finally jerks his arm away from her and takes a few breaths to steady himself. He didn’t want to trust her, yet. While his past self may have recognized her as someone who could be told secrets, his present incarnation hasn’t reached that point.

He works his jaw for a moment. “Fine.” he relents, begrudgingly. His expression is almost pouty. “We can start over, just because you know what you do. I’ll take it as a sign.”

[ismay-the-rose]

He doesn’t pull away from her immediately, that’s a good sign. She knows that face. He's deliberating and probably freaking out a little because of what she's just told him. She doesn't care that she put him on edge a little. Frankly, it seems fair to her that he should experience a taste of some of the stress that she's had to go though lately. He's agreeing to start over, so she'll give him his space. Bringing her hands back to herself she fights to keep her smile small. May's feel's like she's just won a little victory. His pouty face has her smile crack into an uncontrolled grin. Leaning back on the counter May tries not to act too ecstatic and proud that she can still persuade him as she once could. With a small, little giddy laugh she tries to keep in May decides to change the topic now that they've agreed on the terms. "Yes, I'm very much away of what you do and I confess that I'm still rather taken by your hands. I'm quite aware that you have nimble fingers. I remember that rather impressive rose you folded when she first met. What's you're favourite things to make with paper?"

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

“Whoah whoah slow down! Issy, baby, how long have you known me, girl?” It must be low blood sugar and pregnancy hormones making her fly off the handle like this over his jokes. Though he probably should not have teased about drowning her hypothetical unborn child. “Look, you know I talk a lot of shit but, do you honestly think I would ever try to kill a kid of yours? Even if it was green and covered in fur? It’d probably be the cutest damn monster ever, and you know it.”

Handing her a spoon, he shakes his head “Don’t go tryin to chop off my head for the monster comment. Kids are monsters and parasites they are ones we love and find adorable- some of the time- but nevertheless, that’s what they are. Now if you want to attack something here’s your soup. And I think it’s best I not share my steak seeing as you’re so aggressive meat might just add to it and your scrawny ass might rend me in two“ Sliding a basket of bread towards her he takes a piece and plops it into his mouth “I will however share my potato if the lady wishes.”

[ismay-the-rose]

“Longer than I care to admit.” May looks down and pinches the bridge of her nose. “I know, just sometimes your shit talking really gets to me, again sometimes more than I’d like to admit.” She gives him a little smile as thanks for the spoon. “Fine, I suppose your’re right, but I’ve wanted kids for so long and now it might actually be happening but in all the ways I hadn’t planned. It’s upsetting.” She dips a piece of bread into her cream soup enjoying the taste of comfort. “Yeah, please don’t give me any of your steak. It’s been too long since I had meat so it’d just make me sick and I don’t need more of that. I have my bread and soup, I’ll be okay love, eat your potato.” She reaches across to is plate, stealing three green beans. “Though I am stealing some of these.” She crunches one of the steamed beans, savouring it’s freshness. The other two quickly meet the same fate. She picks a few of the seeds off the top crust of her piece of bread to nibble on them. “Thanks, for not throwing up your hands when I got upset and angry with you. Thanks for not leaving. I wasn’t joking you know, if I am pregnant, of if I finally get around to having a baby, would you agree to being it’s god father?”

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

He’s gone a good half hour at the least, giving Ismay plenty of time to stew. Coincidentally, he returns to the apartment brown paper bags containing stew of a very different sort in tow, along with some other tasty treats. “Honey, I’m home!” His voice an exaggerated sing-song as he grins from ear to ear. He had left Ismay in a state where she’d been able to giggle so imagine his surprise to see that was the total opposite state she was in now. 

His eyes widen and he blinks a few times. “Mama mia! I’m gonna need to know if this is the extent of the whacked out hormonal mood swings or does it get worse each month.” Walking the bags of food into the kitchen area he sets them down on the island and starts pulling out containers. “First off you need to get your cute ass onto one of these bar stools.” As he speaks he goes through the cupboards and drawers gathering china and flatware and arranging their meal. He might not be a good cook but surprisingly Rowan had an eye for dishing out. 

“Secondly once this little parisite is out and about its looks will be able to tell us a few things about who the father might be. For instance, if it’s got slanted almond eyes you know it’s not Cal, Dorian or- “ Twirling a sprig of parsley between his fingers he tries to recall the name of other suspects in the potential paternity case. It’s not coming to him, though, and the smell of his steak is mesmerizing. With a shrug he puts the green atop Ismay’s soup. “the other guy- if it’s got a mustache it’s his. And if it’s his might have to do a mercy drowning. Poor kid.”

 So you don't want your kid getting married or inviting four perfect strangers to said wedding and figuring out which one the dad is? I don’t know May it could be interesting.”

[ismay-the-rose]

She sighs heavily and heaves herself off the couch to do as she's told. Sitting with her chin resting proper in the cup of her hand Ismay just feels...sullen. "I don't know. This is my first time being pregnant, if I am. Maybe it's just me." She simply watches him waiting for him to say something else, not caring about what her food is served in. His next comment is dangerous and if looks could kill the Red Queen would need to find Rowan a replacement. "First off, Rowan, just because I'm unsure whether I want this child doesn't mean you have the right to call it a parasite! Don't ever do it again; no matter who's the father it's my child before its anyone else's." She takes a deep breath aware that she just got extremely defensive over a comments that her friend probably didn't really mean. 

"Secondly, I never said it might be Dorian's, I said it could be Dex's. There is a huge difference between the two." The more he talks the more Ismay gets mad at him for what he's saying. One hand grips the edge of the island she's seated before, her other is in a fist clenched on the tabletop. She can feel that her shoulders have come up in her defensiveness. She can't remember a time when she was angry like this. The closest is the anger she had for Dorian after she found  out the truth, but that was different, it was only her being hurt then. "Rowan, don't ever say anything like that again, ever. I can talk about abortion and consider it, but you stepped over the line. I'd like an apology....I a was going to ask if you'd be the god father, not sure you deserve it though. Fuck that steak smells good. 

[just-in-your-dreams-love-deacti]

As soon as Ismay starts asking Lucy’s already preparing to say it, the words that were becoming her mantra. Her mouth snaps shut though once Ismay tells her what she doesn’t want to hear. With a sigh, her mask of effervescent happiness falls and a sound like the choking back of sorrowful tears escapes her throat. She wanted things to be fine she needed them to be but they weren’t. She couldn’t go on hiding this, not from May. Not only was she her best friend but also her boss. She also knew about her passing out on the stage, she’d sent her home.

“I’m- I’m ruined May. And I don’t know how it happened.” setting down the plat on the little round table she leans against it, arms folded over her chest “I’m meticulous about my birth control. I take mine every day and make all my male clients take one before we start.” Shaking her head she pushes off the table and looks a bit forlorn.

“Except I didn't with Nat- fuck-” she begins pacing, keeping her body moving. If she was moving she wouldn't burst into tears, let her mouth say what it may but she wanted control over her eyes right now. “And now he’s gone. He left me May. After all that talk! For what? One last cheap fuck? Well, he fucked me alright. And they’re laughing at me. I know they are. Stupid whore gives it away to any man who claims he loves her.” she lets out a shuttered breath. It was getting harder to hold back the tears. 

[ismay-the-rose]

The look on Lucy's face changes drastically,  she was right, something was up. How could something not be bothering Lucy horribly? Usually she was a very healthy person and yet the other day May had to send her home after she passed out on stage during a rehearsal. That just doesn't happen to Lucy. The moment her friend mentions birth control makes May's blood chill in her veins. Her heart breaks a little for her friend. She didn't deserve this. Ismay liked Nat and she liked Nat and Lucy together but in the same breath why the hell did he go and leave her!? It better be something important as far as Ismay is concerned, not just that he'd been summoned by the White Queen so she could hold him in a room somewhere to use are her stress relief, it would run in the family.

May simply stands and lets Lucy get her words out. It sounds like that's what she needs at the moment. Ismay's heart hurts more by the time she's done talking and that sad shuddering breath that's the harbinger of tears final has May move to hug Lucy. "No, no you are not ruined. And no one is laughing at you. If they are they didn't deserve the time of day from you to begin with. Their mothers should be ashamed of them." Ismay hugs her friend tightly wanting to cure some of her own loneliness. "Are you certain you're pregnant? As for Nat," May rubs Lucy's back, "he would never have purposely used you. I don't know where he went either but you are not a stupid whore and don't ever call yourself that again." May hesitates for a moment over whether or not to tell Lucy. They were commiserating so they might as well do it together. "If it makes you feel less terrible about yourself, Cal has been distant even when I go to visit him at his house. I think I permanently ruined any chance I had at starting over with Dexter because -" May's voice dies in her throat. "Because after Dex came over to my place he left his cap, I went to return it and I ended up sleeping with Dorian, and it wasn't sex, he fucked me. But more than that Lucy, you're not alone. I don't know what's going on with the birth control...but I think I might also be in the same way. I haven't heard back from my Nine."

[just-in-your-dreams-love-deacti]

As much as she loved Alex, her boundless energy was draining. Or maybe Lucy was just drained from everything. She’d been trying to hide it all morning, keeping her energy up but it’d been hard. Alex didn’t seem to notice but, Ismay had. Thankfully Alex was there and she didn’t have to speak on the subject. She would have done better had she some of those wonderful chemicals of Theo’s. Sadly she’d taken the last a few days before she’d been sent home and after her visit with the 9… she hadn’t trusted herself to go back to the Two Halves to get more. 

Now that Alex’s bubbly nature had left all Lucy wanted to do was slump down in one of her chairs and escape this world. Something bumps her hand and she looks down to smile at a concerned looking Sasha. Giving the over grown pup a pat on her head she picks up a plate of spinach pinwheels with the other hand and goes into the kitchen. It’s then that she remembers she’s not alone in the apartment. “Oh, May, I thought you’d left already. Don’t worry about the dishes I’ll take care of them later”

[ismay-the-rose]

After sending Alex home with new cloths and a better idea of how to put them together Lucy's apartment felt too quiet and empty. It wasn't really a bad thing as far as Ismay’s concerned, but it left her with her thoughts. At this point May doesn't bother asking about where things are in Lucy's kitchen. She simply starts packing up uneaten snacks and washing dishes. With her hands in soapy hot water presented with a repetitive task May can zone out for a while. Lucy's words take her away from her silent thoughts. "Hmm? It's no worry Lucy. I needed something to do. And taking care of them now means you don't have to worry about them later. When you'll likely still not want to do them." May smiles over her shoulder at her friend and puts a plate in the drying rack. Turning around she dries her hands on a tea towel. "Now please tell me what's up. There's something off and I just can't tell what it is. And no saying I'm fine, really May. It's nothing."

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

Laughing at her tease he just shrugs. This was good, her making jokes, was very good, it meant her mind was wondering from her troubles. “I’m glad you don't want toast. I mean how boring is that.”

“Well, obviously you’d want me to be the father. I’ve got looks, charm, an amazing personality, all that jazz but that ships sailed. So it’s not about who you want the dad to be, you just need to worry about raising the kid right. I mean if you don't even know who the father is how will anyone else. And if nobody knows how in the world can someone use that against you?” Grinning he runs a hand over her stomach.

My lap is most certainly not comfortable and don’t you dare start spreading rumors that it is.” Flexing his thighs to make his point he raises a brow at her “You are incredible Mrs. Wilde. Pregnant for not even five minutes and you’re already taking advantage of your situation.” With an exaggerated sigh he makes sure she’s seated comfortably on the couch before standing “Fine. I’m off.”

Taking to his feet he brushes off the front of his pants “I know as a Knight I’m supposed to be a gentleman and all, not taking you up on the buying dinner offer, but you make a hell of a lot more than me…“ Stuffing his hands in his pockets he rocks back on his heels waiting for her to point out the whereabouts of some cash.

[ismay-the-rose]

“Yeah, yeah, I know all that.” She smiles and shakes her head. He's not wrong. She'd be okay with Rowan being the father. "You know any kid of mine'll have it good but know exactly when they've over stepped the bounds." Ismay looks at the hand on her stomach and pats the back of it. “Really, thank you Rowan.” May giggles, actually giggles, when Rowan defends his thighs. He was so easy to wind up. Then he turns it on her. “Five minutes! When do you think this happened!? No don't answer that! Just go.” She pushes his thigh with her foot to nudge him towards the door. “And you know damn well that I'd do this regardless.” Smiling a little she blows him a kiss. It's stupid how much a simple action like rocking back on his heels could make May long for Dexter. In fact it makes her heart ache. “There, in the top drawer. Thanks Rowan. I really do appreciate it.” She watches Rowan leave and as soon as the door closes behind him the negative thoughts creep back. Sure, she could raise a child and teach it right from wrong, make sure they're polite and considerate of others. Hell she could even make sure they know the concepts of style. But what on earth would she say to the 'who's my father' question!?   She can't help but stew all the while Rowan is gone but by the time he comes back she's made up her mind. She waits until the door is fully closed before speaking, so anyone who might be in the hall wouldn't hear. “Tomorrow morning I'm going to see my Nine. I don't want this question anymore. If I am actually with child what do I tell them when they get to the age they start wondering who their father is? I don't know sweetie, see I used to have sex for money so I don't actually know. That's a horrible answer. Then it eventually turns into the plot of that stupid book Mira made me read when I was just new at the garden. A woman has a daughter about to get married. The girl finds out that she has four possible fathers and invites them all to her wedding. I do not want that! Not for me or for my child.”

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

“I was just stating fact. I mean if it was that obvious and you were boozing all day and night then yeah that’d be shitty of you. But I mean its not like you can know from looking at you so I mean don’t beat yourself up.” Leaning down he kisses the top of her head and gives it an affectionate pat before leaning back “You know I never say no to food. Take out? Or do you wanna brush up on your maternal skills an’ cook us something.” He’s just winding her up, she was in no state to go cooking and even if she tried to insist that she was he wouldn’t let her.

“Well if it was me you’d be watermelon size by now” The thought that he were the father never crossed his mind since it’d been so long since they’d had sex. “That’s an impressive list to choose from” Shit. Cal Renard and Dexter Schade? two men from very opposite ends of the spectrum in all respects. Ismay had every right to be worried about his boss if either one, but especially Cal, were the father of her child. Both of them had been wrapped up in the two scandals that had made a mess of her Masquerade Ball and she was anything but happy about it. Who could blame her for drinking more. But then again maybe it was the child of one of the two businessmen. Anderson was stuffy and uptight as hell but Seo might not be all bad? Though if the kid was his he prayed it get only Ismay’s looks.

“C’mon. Up with you, or do I need to throw you over my shoulder while i still can. I need food for the rest of this conversation.” if his mind had to chew over the fact that one of his best friends was going to be all grown up and have a kid his teeth needed to be chewing as well.

[ismay-the-rose]

Thanks. I needed someone to tell me that. I still feel terrible about it, but slightly less so now. She runs an affectionate hand down his jaw, to his chin rubbing his goatee a little. And thanks for implying that it doesn't look like I've gained weight. Ismay shifts onto her back and looks up at him, and smacks him lightly, playfully, on the stomach. You're the worst, you know that? You know me well enough to know I can cook just fine, and that my comfort food is the soup from the place down the street. Right now I don't even feel like making toast. Ismay doesn't know exactly what's going through her friend's mind right now but she knows it'd be a lot more panicked if he knew what she does about Dexter. She doesn't plan on telling anyone, it's amazing Dorian even told her. I'm fully aware. She shakes her head a little. The sad thing is Rowan, I don't know who's I'd prefer to be the possible father.  

Oh! But you're lap is so comfy. You're strong thighs make such good pillows. She smiles sweet and innocently. Besides, I'm warm and comfy now. And I'm not actually dressed. I’ll move and let you take your wonderful legs with you and I’ll pay if you get the food and let me stay here.

[wunderkindalex-blog]

“I shower! I swear!” Alex forgets she’s eating the cookie for a second and finds pieces of it flying frothed mouth. She clamps both hands over her mouth both to hide the cookies pieces and to remind herself that she should behave properly in front of these woman. Finally freeing her mouth to speak politely, she continues to defend her bathing habits. “I totally do an’ like all the time. But I just get dirtier oftener.” Alex eyes all the beautiful clothing laid out before her, and wrings her hands nervously. She desperately wanted to look her best and deep down she wants the approval of these two woman, but she has no idea where to begin. How does anyone know what the difference between these colours and fabrics and styles? Her eyes scan across first the clothing on the bed and then the closet. Her eyes stop when she sees the shoes. There was a pair of black boots, perfect large black boots. For a second Alex thought they were work boots and she was relieved to see them. But then they were a little too shiny and they had weird platforms at the back. The heel is what tricked her into thinking they were normal boots, but they were perfect, otherwise. Maybe it was something vaguely comforting in this very strange situation or maybe it was the strange situation becoming comforting but Alex became very serious in her resolve to try on everything at least once. That was how science and experiments worked, right? Have to try to eliminate possibilities. Without taking her eyes off of those boots, she said, “Maybe we could just like try them all?”

[just-in-your-dreams-love-deacti]

There was something off about Ismay’s energy, Lucy felt it when the woman came to stand next to her. Now wasn’t the time to talk though Alex wanted their help and Lucy would be damned if she wasn’t going to focus her attention on the girl. Nevertheless a pale hand reaches out to subtly take the Ismays free hand, her fingers interlocking to give a supportive squeeze, letting her friend know she was here for her also. 

Her smile warms when Alex defends herself so animatedly, nearly spewing half eaten crumbs, this girl was so adult but could be such a child. “ don’t mind me darling I’m just teasing you, of course you wash. But an honest tip for your date maybe try to remember that you’re chewing before you speak to passionately on a subject. Save a little mystery for the second date.” It seemed reasonable advice coming from a woman who’s last date had been a good ten years ago. 

“Yeah, i love the playsuit as well.” She nods in agreement “They are so comfortable and the black one is super easy to get in and out of. Naturally, you can try them all Alex, and, whatever you’d like to keep you are more than welcome to. I just don’t want to see you fixing someone’s pipes in any of these things. Deal?”

[ismay-the-rose]

Alex's defence of her bathing routine surprises a smile onto Ismay's face. This girl was so...unpretentious and lovably naive. What Ismay wouldn't give to be able to live a life where she wasn't judged every moment for her hair, her face, her body, the way she dressed and, what she said. She needs to spend more time with this girl, she's never going to judge Ismay. Then again, Alex represents the future that May would likely never have. It hurts. The hurt is made a little better by Lucy taking her hand, giving it a little squeeze. Ismay squeezes back a little. Something is up. 

"What's the fun of trying clothes if you don't try them all on?" Ismay try's a light tone, to mask what she's feeling. There were few things that May and Lucy didn’t back each other up on. “You get to try them all on and pick what you like. Only thing you have to do for us is show us what you’ve tried on. Easy.” Watching Alex try on the various pieces from Lucy’s closet May stays close to her friend trying to get a read on what might be wrong, this is different and it has Ismay stumped. She’d work it out of her later. 

“So Alex, what’s the outfit you’ve picked?” Lucy and may had commented on the various attributes of the clothes and on how they would work together. Ultimately though, it’s Alex’s choice what she would wear on her date. She had to be comfortable in her clothes. 

[ismay-the-rose]

“Indeed. If you can play her first.” Ismay isn’t sure about Ophelia’s ability to make all her demands known and have them met, but she’s grown attached the the woman and hates to think of her getting hurt. “What would I do?” May runs a hand over her short perfectly styled hair. This was such a difficult question because Ismay has a completely different world view than O. “Were I you…I’m not sure if even bother with the queen or asking about Harry Bane. No one remembers him. You can brand yourself as one of us common folk. Garner yourself some popularity with those who don’t think much of the royalty. And I would most definitely make friends with Seraphina Lennox.”

“I suppose, especially for the type of questions you’re planning on asking. The Two Halves is also an option. That way you are both out of Diamond territory. There are back rooms as well. And I have always known Mr. Kendler to take great discretion with sensitive matters.”

[ophelia-pyke]

Ismay’s right– of course she’s right– O knows it doesn’t make any logical sense to finally agree to meet with her mother just because she wants to know about Harry Bane. Her mother might not even be willing to tell her anything, anyways, and it obviously makes more sense to gain favor with those who don’t like her mother, to strengthen her own support… But O doesn’t want to gain support, or be any sort of leader– she just wants to be a regular person, and to know more about her real father. And she can’t help her curiosity. Even as Ismay’s making her case against the meeting, O already knows she’s going to meet with her mother whether she wants to or not, because her sheer need to know whatever little information she might get won’t let her keep from meeting with her mother. 

Ophelia nods. “Thank you, Ismay. I suppose I’ll have to speak with Mr. Kendler, then,” she replies, remaining silent on the rest of what Ismay had suggested. 

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

“Yeah, a decent blow job I’d expect” Rowan laughs shaking his head “C’mon Issy you know I’m just messin’ around. Remember when stuff like this made you laugh?” He’s almost pouty as he says it. Even the Jacquline story gets hardly a chuckle from her and he sighs as he continues to run his fingers over her shortly cropped curls. And she seems happy enough about that till he opens his mouth again. There might be a pattern in there he thought to himself.

“I never said she didn’t look good Ismay. She looks 100 times better than the sad sack of bones she was turning into” Rowan sighs heavily when May unloads

“Have you gone to see a Nine? If not you can’t be 100 % sure that you even are pregnant right? I mean you don’t look like you’ve swallowed a watermelon so what’s the use in beating yourself up over something you’re not sure of. And even if you turn out to be you still can’t beat yourself up if you acted without knowing. Trust me your kid won’t hold it against you- if you decide to keep it. And as far as Shaw is concerned won’t you worry your pretty face about him. Remember he’s the incompetent idiot that tried to single handily take on the “Crow with a stick.” Shaking his head Rowan can’t help but roll his eyes at that. “Normally this would be where I offer to fuck the smile back on your face but I think that’s what’s gotten you into the rut you’re in… Do you-” he didn’t know how to ask the question without sounding like a complete ass “d’ya know who the dad is? You know if you are even prego.”

[ismay-the-rose]

"I guess I'm just not in the right mood, Rowan. You can try again tomorrow." The way he runs his hands over her short hair makes Ismay feel calmer. She sighs, shifting herself a little closer to him. "And I'm just saying don't point it out. Or at least don't use qualifiers. Just tell her she looks good." Ismay figures Lucy doesn't need anymore demons to pick at her from the inside. She doesn't feel up to answering Rowan's question. May's quiet until she screws up the courage to say it out loud. "No. Not yet. I keep hoping that my body will tell me and I won't have to go. You know I don't really like Nines. And then I don't have to worry about people finding out before I tell them. "Was that supposed to make me feel better? A watermelon? I never suggested I was that pregnant." She shakes her head against his leg where it rests. May can't help the smallest of laughs and a guilty smile at the reminder of Shaw trying to take down the Crow. He's lucky he didn't get himself killed. She sobers a little. “You know that normally I would take you up on that. We do work so well together. Tonight though, would you like to just stay for supper, we can take some time to catch up. We haven't talked for too long. I missed you, even at the Garden we only got passing pleasantries, no real conversation.” She turned to look up at him from his lap feeling hopeful. She watches him ask his question. She knows it isn't supposed to be an insult on any level, but her nose still scrunches up in response. She exhales a huff that sounds a little grumpy, not with him but herself. "There are possibilities, we can put it that way. And you're safe, none of them are you. If you were wondering." She could trust Rowan, he's never let her down before so there's no reason to stop trusting him now. "Martin Seo, Gile Andersen, Cal Renard, or Dexter Schade." She swallows, May’s not sure if she feels better now that she’s said it out loud or not.

[ismay-the-rose]

She nods only, taking another sip of her water. She swallows when he talks of her not telling the whole truth, and of his sense of déjà vu. She presses one hand to her stomach, trying to quell the awful feeling there. This is exactly what Dorian had been talking about. How much does she tell him without him flying off in a rage like with the tea? “I - Dex you’re not wrong. I do know more than I’ve told you. Much more. I know you like the smell of lavender. And that you love the sun.” She puts her hand on his that’s still flipping over the paper heart. “I know some origami because you taught me.” May starts rubbing his hand mostly to calm herself. She’s trying to be careful, to remember what Dorian had said. But she dislikes keeping things from Dex, and she detests lying. “Did you stop to wonder why the sex we had was some of the best you could remember? I know all your preferences. How, where and when you like to be touched.”

When he calls her little Thorny Rose the smallest of breaths escapes her. His pet name for her. She’d do just about anything to have him call her that all the time, like he used to. So when he says that he thinks he shouldn’t take a chance with her because he doesn’t know how she feels about him it hurts. It hurts her more than losing him the first and second time. She might have gotten mad at him for dismissing her feelings, but he can’t remember anything. That’s not his fault. Ismay can’t keep the look of pain off her face as she looks back at Dex who seems so distant right now. “Dex,” she turns his hand over with gentle hands, placing the origami heart in his palm. “You have my heart in your hand, you can’t remember but you’ve had it for a long time. Even when I was briefly with another, thinking of what my life would be with him, you were still there. You still have it.”

[dumschade-blog]

He stares at her, expression still closed off. Every little detail about him that she lists not only confuses him, but slowly starts to make him angry. There’s no bloody nose or manic behaviour; It’s plain old anger. How could she know these things about him? How close had they been before he’d gone away that he would vouch so many truths? He wonders if she knows… No, nobody could know that. He’d have trusted her enough not only to put himself on the line, but Dorian as well. Was anybody really worth that?

He takes his hand away when she tries to rub it but accepts the heart. He closes his fingers around it for a moment. 

Dexter sets the paper heart on top of the bar and faces away from Ismay, reaching up to scrape his fingers through his hair. “Even if we had something before, you think I’d just pick back up and blindly start over where we left off? I don’t know you. I was willing to learn, but now… It gives me a bad feeling that you know all these things I don’t ever remember telling you. The thing with lavender– I don’t like it. It must have been something I associated with you so I learned to like it. Don’t mold me into something I’m not ready to be.” He gets up and turns away, starting to leave.

[ismay-the-rose]

She sits quietly, she could get mad at him but she is technically working and it didn't feel right to get mad at Dex for this. Anger also wouldn't accomplish anything. There were a hundred other things she could say about him that she knew. "I said nothing about picking up where we left off. I had hoped that could be the case when you came back; that was before I knew about your memory loss. You said that you felt I knew things. In my opinion you are entitled to know what I know about you and your brother. Telling you is the decent thing to do. I'm not trying to mold you, it's just that I know-knew you before. Right now we have our own problems, mine is loosing someone I was the closest to in my life. You have frustrating memory gaps."

When he runs his hand through his hair Ismay has the strong urge to do the same to his hair, really, to touch him anywhere. She stands from her stool and takes a step towards Dex. She reaches out to touch his arm gently. "I know about fire and chaos. And I know about Dorian. Your brother trusts me and please believe when I say that I have no interest telling anyone else. If you're so sure I'm not worth any chance at all why have you been one of the most consistent visitors of the Garden as of late? We can start over. Reintroduce ourselves, start from the very beginning and I will do my best to not make any assumptions. I am coming to terms with the fact that you are not the same man I knew before. If all that comes of it is less anger and disappointment between us I will be content with that."

[ismay-the-rose]

There’s that smile. It sends thrills through her heart, but they stop dead cold when she remembers what she’s done. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Perhaps I could help?” She offers. Then he’s asking if she was seeing Dorian. There’s that sick feeling again, growing in the pit of her stomach. She can’t stop the wince that his words incite. Quickly she shoos the bartender after taking her drink. She hangs her head, staring at the slice of lime in her water feeling ashamed of herself. 

“We’re not, we really aren’t. That was a one time thing started because of outside factors. It’s never happening again because it ended up hurting me and you, and I don’t want to cause a rift between you and Dorian.” She sips a little of her drink. And picks up one of the thin cards used for taking down tabs at the bar. Quietly she starts folding it into a precise shape. Sliding it to him when she’s done. It’s a little heart. Long ago he had taught her how to fold it. “I did let you into my apartment, I danced for you. Through that evening I was only thinking of you, because I do like you Dex. Very much.”

[dumschade-blog]

“Nothing could cause a rift between us.” Dexter says firmly. He likes Ismay, he really does, but they don’t know each other well enough for him to ever choose her over his own twin. No matter what will ever happen, Dex knows that he can trust his brother to always be there like an extension of himself. His eyes flicker over when she starts to fold, his eyebrows going up. He didn’t know anybody else who could do origami. He picks up the little heart that she slides to him and he considers it thoughtfully, turning it slowly between his thumb and index finger.

“I always get the feeling that you’re not telling me a whole truth.” He says softly, eyes still on the heart. “Whenever I see you, or think about you, I have this sense of deja vu. But then I start to think about it too hard and my head starts to hurt. Weird, huh?”

Dexter takes a deep breath and sighs through his nose. “I don’t know what to do about you, little Thorny Rose. I’d love to take a chance on you but all these signs are saying that I shouldn’t.” He props his head on a fist and gazes at her, expression unreadable and brown eyes masked. “I want you, see. I wanna take you out and dance with you and make you laugh. But I don’t even really know if you want me back.”

[ismay-the-rose]

She nods only, taking another sip of her water. She swallows when he talks of her not telling the whole truth, and of his sense of déjà vu. She presses one hand to her stomach, trying to quell the awful feeling there. This is exactly what Dorian had been talking about. How much does she tell him without him flying off in a rage like with the tea? "I - Dex you're not wrong. I do know more than I've told you. Much more. I know you like the smell of lavender. And that you love the sun." She puts her hand on his that's still flipping over the paper heart. "I know some origami because you taught me." May starts rubbing his hand mostly to calm herself. She's trying to be careful, to remember what Dorian had said. But she dislikes keeping things from Dex, and she detests lying. "Did you stop to wonder why the sex we had was some of the best you could remember? I know all your preferences. How, where and when you like to be touched." When he calls her little Thorny Rose the smallest of breaths escapes her. His pet name for her. She'd do just about anything to have him call her that all the time, like he used to. So when he says that he thinks he shouldn't take a chance with her because he doesn't know how she feels about him it hurts. It hurts her more than losing him the first and second time. She might have gotten mad at him for dismissing her feelings, but he can't remember anything. That's not his fault. Ismay can't keep the look of pain off her face as she looks back at Dex who seems so distant right now. "Dex," she turns his hand over with gentle hands, placing the origami heart in his palm. "You have my heart in your hand, you can't remember but you've had it for a long time. Even when I was briefly with another, thinking of what my life would be with him, you were still there. You still have it."

[dumschade-blog]

He surreptitiously looks over at her from under the bill of his newsboy cap when she join him at the bar. Dexter sits up a bit straighter and abandons the hopelessly crumpled napkin as he flashes Ismay a handsome smile. Seeing her sends a pang right through his chest because he knows what she did with his brother. He isn’t angry with either of them but he doesn’t understand why they did it. He had gotten the impression that Ismay liked him. Was it only because he looked like Dorian?

“Hey, May.” Dex replies, “I dunno, I didn’t exactly watch. My mind’s somewhere else.” His smile fades and he looks away from her to focus on his hands. He drums his fingers on the top of the bar and chews lightly on his lower lip. “Can I ask you something?” He questions, lowering his voice and leaning a little more towards her. He doesn’t wait for her to answer.

“Are you and Dorian seeing each other? I thought you and me– Well. You let me into your apartment that night and talked to me. You smile at me so pretty. I figured you liked me. You coulda told me if it was really Dorian you were interested in.”

[ismay-the-rose]

There's that smile. It sends thrills through her heart, but they stop dead cold when she remembers what she's done. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps I could help?" She offers. Then he's asking if she was seeing Dorian. There's that sick feeling again, growing in the pit of her stomach. She can't stop the wince that his words incite. Quickly she shoos the bartender after taking her drink. She hangs her head, staring at the slice of lime in her water feeling ashamed of herself. "We're not, we really aren't. That was a one time thing started because of outside factors. It's never happening again because it ended up hurting me and you, and I don't want to cause a rift between you and Dorian." She sips a little of her drink. And picks up one of the thin cards used for taking down tabs at the bar. Quietly she starts folding it into a precise shape. Sliding it to him when she's done. It's a little heart. Long ago he had taught her how to fold it. "I did let you into my apartment, I danced for you. Through that evening I was only thinking of you, because I do like you Dex. Very much."

[redmetaljackets-deactivated2016]

“You’re the one unhappy with your past lovers and I’m sensing a pattern, I just suggested someone that would not fit into said pattern. Sure he’s not as studly as say myself but, he has his redeeming qualities like….“ Stroking his beard he tries to think of some redeeming qualities that the Red Ace possessed. "His… Punctuality! and the fact that you will never have to worry about an awkward silence, cause good ol’ Vic will fill it for hours if he must. And hey if you don’t want to hear him just sit on his face and put the moving mouth to better use. If I didn’t dread the lecture to follow I would unzip and try it out myself but nothing gets you off a post orgasmic high like a lecture on spontaneous fellatio and how it’s inappropriate.”

“Issy!” Rowan looks positively affronted by the accusation. “I have never nor would I ever complain about any part of your body. It’s perfect just the way it is, except maybe that brain of yours coming up with crazy ideas. Do you know how ridiculous you would look with huge knockers? Besides, they have their downsides. After you’ve had a motorboat and a good fuck you run the risk of being suffocated in your sleep. Remember Jacqueline?” He muses stroking her hair “Amazing tits, like a more perfect pair has never been created. But I let her sleep over and I almost killed the poor girl cause she rolled over and I thought I was being crushed by watermelons and had to fight my way out. Turns out having a knife to her throat kind of turned her on… Where was I going with this? Oh! Right. Your tits. They’re tiny and that's okay, a person doesn’t have to worry about their hands crampin up when they suck your nipples.” 

“What’s all this baby talk? Is there something in the water at the Garden? First, that one Flower gets pregnant then another, the Tiger-Lily is looking a little soft around the edges and now you?” Her being in a maternal way would explain her current mood and it’s very abrupt shift. He all but chokes at her next question. What the hell has gotten into her. How could she even think to ask that? "Ismay.” His voice has a gruff stiffness to it as he takes her by the shoulders and rights her. He needed to look into her eyes for this conversation. “What the hell kind of question is that.”

[ismay-the-rose]

"ROWAN! That is the Red Ace you're talking about." May smacks at his arm. "And you well know you'd get more than a lecture for pulling yourself out in front of the Red Ace of all people!" She doesn't want to admit how NOT wrong he is. May could use someone like the Red Ace. Respected by the community, the queens and the law. People like that are hard to come by. Especially ones with means and influence. 

She listens to his story, of course she remembered Jacqueline, who could forget her and her magnificent mammaries. Though she listens to his story it wears on her. "Yes indeed, where were you going?" She simply rolls her eyes at his answer. But she sighs into his knee when he strokes her head. She hasn't been touched like this in a while and it's comforting. Ismay gives Rowan hard eyes for his comment on Lucy's weight feeling overly defensive over her friend and employee. "You are to say nothing to her about her weight, you hear me? She has said nothing to me and I would be one of the first to know as her best friend and employer. Do not go around starting things." May pauses, chewing her lip a bit, a habit she had mostly broken from when she was young and worried. "I don't know Rowan. My last cycle was more than a usual length of time ago, my breasts are a bit swollen. The evidence is all there, but Theo's chemicals don't make mistakes like this. On top of that I have been a Flower for a long time now and never have I had a scare like this. This is the kind of thing that happened to Flowers before I took over, this doesn't happen to me. I don't forget to take my contraception. I just don't." She stares at the drink Rowan had poured her, abandoned on the coffee table, feeling disgusted by herself. "And I've been drinking lately, more than I should. If I am...what have I done to my child? I didn't plan this, my child doesn't deserve this. The isn't how I planned my life. I don't know if I want this child." The words come rushing out after being bottled up for too long. She's scared for this child. What if someone found out who it's father was? None of them would be safe. "Rowan, you know the woman you serve. And you know that she and I don't see eye to eye. I'm just worried that her anger over her daughter and that news could be taken out on me. It wouldn't be hard to find some bit of dirt in the garden and pin it on me. Shaw hasn't left me alone since the tea party."

[dumschade-blog]

Dexter sits at the bar of the Garden, fingers idling with a napkin. He’s been folding it, unfolding it, and folding it again as he keeps lifting his head to glance around. He smiles at certain Flowers as they pass him by, always patting him on the shoulder or saying a nice word. He’s been slowly making friends with all of them because he’s been coming around so much, but he never does more than have the odd glass of water or maybe a small meal. Sometimes he watches the performances but never stays long afterwards if he doesn’t see what he wants.

[ismay-the-rose]

There he is, at the bar. She had been avoiding Dexter ever since the night Dorian told her all of the truth. She had gotten over that part but she’s still struggling with having slept with Dorian and fucked him. She doesn't regret the act, but that her actions had hurt Dexter. Why else would he have left that morning after making them breakfast is it wasn’t because she had hurt him. She knows and loves Dex’s morning breakfast food, but that morning nothing tasted the way it was supposed to. 

He was becoming a regular at the Garden again. It was the same as before they had met the first time. Yet, now she knows everything.She had been avoiding him because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings any more, but it was becoming clear to her that he was at the Garden to see here. “Cold water with lime juice please.” She asks the waiter then turns to Dex on her right as she perches in the bar stool. She tries a small smile, testing the waters. “Good evening Dex. How did you enjoy the shows this evening?”