I Survived New Leaf Academy

I really went here. The emotional and verbal abuse really happened. We can try to sweep it under a rug, or we can talk about it. This is a collection of my scattered and traumatic memories of my experiences at New Leaf Academy of North Carolina.

[isurvivednewleaf]

be forced to do an hour of physical labor. there was one week i couldn’t accomplish the alone time for three days (by five ish minutes each) and i got THREE HOURS of hard physical labor. (4/4)

Dude, the amount of physical labor they made us do was just horrific. I was severely underweight during my stay, and had to do several hours of physical labor every day. When I started getting the feeling they were going to send me to wilderness camp, I knew I would die there if I had to go. And kids had died at this camp before! It is literally a miracle that my mom came to take me home when she did - I knew I was going to be sent to that camp any day.

I’m grateful we made it out of there, and even though we will probably be affected by our time for the rest of our lives, I know that we will be able to cope with it! I heard recently that people that have gone through some sort of trauma often live more fulfilling and meaningful lives after they’ve processed it and healed as best they can, and that really does resonate with me. What got me through the pandemic was reminding myself how I got through NLA! If I could survive that, then I could quarantine by myself for several months. It just really changed my perspective on a lot of things.

Hang in there friend, so glad you’re home. 💖

[isurvivednewleaf]

sorry i just submitted two things but i thought of something else… susan wallace was a monster. she is a monster. she thrived off the way she tormented us. one time she told me no one would ever take me seriously and only see me ‘as a clown’. i had impulse control issues and was twelve so i was silly and hyperactive. i was forced to have an hour of silent alone time each day even though it didn’t fit in the schedule. if i didn’t complete a day for each day i missed even a minute, i would (3/?)

Will respond on your next submission!

[isurvivednewleaf]

camber perrigan (therapist) was AMAZING as well and i think she and kirsten were the reasons i got better. but there were some things that..weren’t. why were kinship calls earned? that’s no way to live as a child (i was twelve when i started NLA) and i didn’t realize how shit this truly was ! i didn’t get to talk to my friends and when i came home during the pandemic i realized.. i had no friends. they took all of them away from me. i’m thankful i’m in a better place but sometimes i wonder.. 2/2

It is such a gift when even in the most horrible places, there is a person or two that make it more bearable. I’m so glad you had some folks during your stay that made your experience less horrific 💖

I’m assuming kinship calls are phone calls home? We had 10 minute phone calls once a week to our parents - it was never enough for me, it almost made things worse, and more sad. There was a time (I can’t remember if it was one month or three months) where I was banned from speaking. So every week I was only allowed to speak for an hour an 10 minutes (the phone call home and one meeting with a therapist that should have lost her license). To this day I’m still a bit triggered when I’m in a situation where I’m not supposed to speak.

I’ve attended a residential program that was life saving for me, and I do understand why programs want to limit our interactions back home and with the outside world - we really needed to be focused on the work we were doing. But in this residential program, I wasn’t being abused, so it was a completely different scenario.

[isurvivednewleaf]

i went to new leaf academy and graduated in 2020. i didn’t realize i was brainwashed until yesterday. yesterday when i found out the news about the closing of it. yesterday when all my friends from there were happy to see it closed. i realized after a session with my therapist…it was traumatic for me. it was. it ruined my life and saved it at the same time? like there were some staff there that made everything okay. kirsten (former head therapist) (1/2)

Wow this is the first I’m hearing of the second location closing!! What great news!

I can relate to having years pass before realizing something horrible happened. And then more time can pass and you can have a different perspective again. Trauma is complicated! And you’re allowed to feel differently about past events throughout your life, it doesn’t take away the validity of your emotion or the impact of the event.

Im so glad you’re still here with us, and encourage you to be extra gentle with yourself over these next couple of days - make some time to journal and self soothe.

[isurvivednewleaf]

NLA Becoming a Short-Term Res

My daughter, who I was tricked into sending there for the second half of 2019, just found out from a friend from those days that NLA is now under Embark Health, a national group, and will only be short-term, not a TBS. While it's not what I really wanted, which was to watch it burn down as people were dragged out in handcuffs, I am relieved that no one will be shut up inside that horrible place for years being abused leading to PTSD and everything else you all know too well. I can't find any info online to see if they kept on any of the previous staff, especially Susan Wallace, who should rot in hell. This is the calm version of me writing this post btw. I will hate those people forever for what they did to my child. 

[isurvivednewleaf]

Something I’ve had to come to terms with recently, is that every time I go to a doctors appointment, I carry with me my medical trauma of the past 20 years. So even if a doctor’s appointment goes well, there are always moments where I’m reminded of a time in the past where it didn’t go well, and it’s just an emotional complicated experience.

I’m always always having to think about how much of my medical history should I share. I want the doctor to know enough to be able to make helpful suggestions on how to feel better, but often if I tell them too much, they just think I’m wacky and don’t believe that I’m in physical pain.

I’m guessing these are relatable experiences - not being able to fully close the door on past traumas, and having to constantly reevaluate how vulnerable to be.

What I’m telling myself to keep myself from spiraling into big frustration and sads, is that I am capable, and have the skill sets to navigate these nuanced interactions. And I try to keep myself from focusing on the past *too* much. No matter how many times I go over past experiences, they don’t change and I just feel horrible. So it’s not beneficial to ruminate on it.

I’ve stopped telling doctors I have PTSD bc I thought I didn’t really qualify for the diagnosis anymore. It’s not like my trauma went away, but it doesn’t affect my day to day life as much as it used to. I’ve been reminded these past couple weeks that maybe it just doesn’t effect my day to day life when things are going well. It’s not like I’m super mega impacted by it now, but I am more impacted now than when I’m not going through a stressful time.

Hope everyone has been getting through the holiday season okay. I still check this page regularly, even if I’m not posting all the time. Hang in there friends 💖

[isurvivednewleaf]

hey, i hope you’re well! i was really glad to find your blog, it’s very rare to find people who understand what the troubled teen industry really is. obviously i’m sorry you went through it, and it’s a good thing that it’s not more common, but fuck can it be an isolating experience. i just wanted to recommend, if you haven’t read it already (or for your followers who haven’t) the webcomic joe vs elan school (as well as learning more about synanon if you don’t know about them! the podcast trueanon just did a 4 part series about them). the webcomic is graphic and brutal, but it’s probably the best media portrayal of what these places are like in my opinion. wish you and all TTI survivors all the best (and maybe a side of sweet revenge) <3

Hi friend! So glad you found us. You’re so right, it’s just bananas how isolating recovery from the TTI can be. I was in therapy for around 15+ years, and never once encountered any professional who would let me talk about what happened to me. This blog has been the only way I’ve gotten any relief. Thank goodness for the Internet and how it can form community!

Thank you so much for the recommendations and content warnings! I really do think creative expression is one of the best ways to process the trauma from these schools, and it’s very meaningful when survivors tell their own stories. And oftentimes, these pieces end up being calls to action, and we get one step closer to having all these schools closed.

Keep on hanging in there, and thanks again for sharing 💖

[isurvivednewleaf]

I wasn’t sure from the pictures because my memory is fuzzier than I realised, but now I have no doubt. Did you know the NLANC house is now a resort? Skylaranna Hotel & Resort… surreal looking at the pictures. The guests sleeping there could never even guess how it was… skylaranna. com/gallery

Last I heard pre pandemic was it was going to be turned into a spa retreat 🤦 Talk about tasteless! I mean it is a beautiful building and property, but so much abuse happened there. OOF

[isurvivednewleaf]

i did not go to the location in North Carolina, though I went to NLA in Bend Oregon. I’m so sorry so many people went through so much traumatic experiences, and from someone coming from NLA as well, the school needs to be shut down for good. The way they discipline the students and my self while I was there, is absolutely unacceptable. As well as how the therapists treated us, they seemed like they had no experience with therapy whatsoever. Coming home from nla, my parents wanted to sue.

Firstly, so glad you made it home in one piece. Not everyone does.

Secondly, I am so sorry you also had a horrible experience! When I was at NLANC, we heard that Bend was much worse (and we should be grateful for how we were treated in NC, which is bananas). Once I started this blog I heard that Bend wasn’t as bad as NC, but it’s also a matter of perspective. Like I think it goes without saying that no matter whether you went to NC or Bend, you left traumatized.

When did you go NLA? I had heard that things improved a bit once it was privately owned, and no longer under the Aspen umbrella. (I can’t speak to what the improvements were though! Just hearsay!) I went for just 9 months from 2006-2007 (which isn’t that much time, compared to other folks who went to NLA.)

I think you’re very right, I don’t think most of the staff at NLA were qualified to work with us. I was just talking about this with another NLA friend the other day, about trying to figure out if the house parents were purposely abusing us, or just following instructions and needed a job. I think my friend’s take was correct, that most of them weren’t qualified and really needed a job, and because they didn’t have proper training, they didn’t have the best techniques for interacting with us.

I will say, that what shut down NLANC for good was a lawsuit from a parent. Obviously it’s an expensive venture, and not doable for everyone, but if it’s done promptly, and you have a bunch of evidence (paperwork, emails, recorded phone calls, photos) and a good lawyer, it is an option. I know for NLANC my parents had to sign away their legal rights as parents to let me go there. I think legally I was a warden of the state of NC? So there’s a lot of contracts and legal stuff that goes into attending NLA. And I feel certain that statue of limitations will be something to consider with a case. Anyways, I’m not a lawyer, don’t take legal advice from me! But know you’re in good company - I think most folks who attended NLA wanted to sue.

Glad you’re back home, and thank you for sharing 💖

[isurvivednewleaf]

Recently had a family member ask me about my time at boarding school, and the biggest take away from that interaction was even if my family (or anyone) believes me when I tell them my experience, they will never truly ever understand it. And honestly, no one will besides someone else who attended a “program” or “school” like NLA.

That’s something I might always have to work on, letting go of wanting validation and confirmation from people who haven’t experienced what we have. I think it’s normal to want those things, but they leave me feeling frustrated and sad. I find I feel better when I share information and remind myself that I know what happened, I know the truth, it’s very real, and that isn’t dependent on anyone validating my experience.

It took me a while to get to this place, because for so many years doctors and other adults were telling me I was exaggerating or misremembering, just a whole lot of gaslighting and dismissal. I’m thankful that I’m much more grounded and trust myself and my experiences!

Your experience at NLA was real, and you’re not making it up. I hope you all are hanging in there 💖

[isurvivednewleaf]

Movie

I have not watched this yet, but I found out about this movie on Breaking Code Silence’s Instagram. Honestly not sure if I will watch it, I think it might make me super sad. Wanted to share in case anyone else was interested! It might be triggering, it might be cathartic, def watch at your own risk.

I personally love seeing more of mainstream media mention the TTI, I think it’s important that everyone knows about the abuse that goes on in these schools, and I hope more good comes from everyone talking about it. I know Paris Hilton helped get a couple bills passed because of her documentary, so fingers crossed this movie will also result in some legislation!

[isurvivednewleaf]

As survivors we need band together and tell our story. The sun/moon/star clan system stripped us of basic rights. Being put on various restrictions from individuals, clans, family calls, outings and even food restrictions taught us as children that we weren’t deserving of basic communication and needs. Does anyone remember the luxury of ‘personals boxes’? Kinship calls? First home visit after 6 months? Sun clan supervised conversations? Letters from family with thick black sharpie marks that blocked out majority of the page? Those were all basic rights that we shouldn’t have seen as earned privileges. Girls who felt trapped and acted out were ‘OOP’ and we had to ignore them even if they assaulted us otherwise we would get sent to consequences. The staff abused us and unless we complied and allowed it we couldn’t achieve a further clan levels. We need to find a place outside of this tumblr to tell our story and outline exactly how this program abused us. We aren’t alone. There are other survivors not just from NLA but other ‘troubled teen schools’. Help us find a place to share this, please.

I would encourage everyone to make art about their experience. It’s a healthy way to process what happened, and it’s also another way to share with the public a little bit about what happened. You could submit your pieces to art shows, sell them at fairs, enter it into contests - it’s another way to educate folks, and hopefully also help us grieve and process.

I know there was a movie on lifetime recently about someone’s experience at provost, and of course Paris’s documentary first really brought like to the TTI in an accesible and widespread format. I wrote a script myself during 2020 and found it to be really healing.

We love you, and we’re here for you. Hang in there friend!

[isurvivednewleaf]

Wow friends, so sorry that I am just now posting all of those submissions! I’m definitely not the most tech savvy, so sorry about that! I’ll do my best to stay on top of the inbox, your stories matter!!

[isurvivednewleaf]

My Story (NLA, N.C. January 2007-June 2009)

Hey guys,

I graduated NLA in NC June 2009, I was there for 18 months. For the first 8 months I was pretty quiet and kept to myself. I remember my period stopping all together from the shock that I had been left in the care of complete strangers. I kept thinking that their was a mix-up and that as soon as they realized how obedient I was they would let me leave. For 8 months I kept to myself, read books, focused on school, and stayed out of trouble. Then finally I asked why I wasn't a Moon yet, while some of the crazier girls seemed to be getting Moon before me. It was because they were expressing their feelings. I remember telling the psychiatrist that I used to feel sorry for myself being at NLA, but then explained that I'm even more sorry for those who don't get to be at NLA (this was total bull, but I had learned how to work the system). I worked the system by telling them the same sob story that I knew they wanted me to hear, I told them I wasn't the one at fault for my parents divorce, yadda yadda yadda, etc.. I really wanted out. So I did everything that was asked of me. I would like to end my story by saying it changed me for the better.. but only 20% of it made me a better person. The rest of the time I was living in close quarters with girls that acted like they should be in maximum security. I had a bunk-mate who egged the whole building, destroyed the outside refrigerator, and yelled at people that she would bash their heads in with this brick that she was holding in her hand... Then she slept with the brick and I WAS SCARED FOR MY SAFETY (what if she rolled over and the brick hit me in the head!?!) Then after she and many others rebelled, we didn't have dessert for 2 months, no movie privileges, and our meals sucked. I remember that the last few months we had one type of grain cereal or mullet (a mix between grits and oatmeal) for breakfast. When I became a moon I remember rejoicing because I was so close to living off-campus at the star house with other girls that were more mature.. however they changed the set-up soon after. They believed that Stars should be living at the main house too because the Sun's could follow the Star's lead. Even though I was angry, I never complained because I wanted out. Once I got out, I never made contact with anyone. To this day, I didn't believe I deserved living like I did... with the people that I did... because the only reason I was there was to learn how to open up and show people my emotions so that I could learn how to cope with them properly. It is still hard for me to deal with my past, but I do best when I feel SECURE. I have a B.S. in psychology now, and I know that what I went through put me through more trauma than helping me grow.

[isurvivednewleaf]

I went to NLA NC for 2 years and am currently reading a book I think anyone who attended should read....its called Help At Any Cost: How the Troubled Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.

It is very therapeutic and validates what we experienced which was abuse, in many forms. Ms. Robin has karma coming for her, they are all sick people and we are not defective.

Im happy everyone survived!!

[isurvivednewleaf]

http://www.heal-online.org/newleaf.htm

Anyone who experienced abuse at NLA NC wrote to these people! They are working for us!

[isurvivednewleaf]

Please do this ladies!!

http://heal-online.org/newleaf.htm NLANC women if you see anyone on that list you felt abused by, make a report through the email in the link. They have been very helpful for me.