A Fine Line
Emily looked at her friend and sighed. “You know this is a terrible idea, right? Why can’t I just come as your plus one? Why do I have to pretend to be your girlfriend?” The invitation to his cousins wedding sat on the coffee table and she felt her shoulders slump. As soon as they had discovered Jess would be there with her new fiance this ridiculous idea had been floated and Emily felt there were too many ways this could go wrong. They would never fool his entire family and then they would have to stage a break up and it was just too messy. The only reason she hadn’t emphatically slammed the idea was the look in her friends eyes when he asked her. Damn Sam and his puppy dog look.
Sam groaned, “em of course I don’t think you will judge me, just….it makes my head all weird. You’re my bestie and I don’t wanna randomly wake up from a wet dream where you happen to be the star, how the fuck am I gonna eat my damn breakfast burrito if all I see is your face and my….” he shook his head, “ahh! Never mind silly little one I love you, we are good I promise.” He said giving her hand a light squeeze and opening her door for her.
“Okay, okay. I don’t want to traumatise you.” She joked as she handed him her bag and got into the car with a bright smile she wasn’t entirely feeling. His words a solid reminder that they were friends. Nothing more than friends and that he thought thinking of her in any other way would be very wrong. The next few days were going to be difficult as it was without entertaining the possibility that maybe this could be something it wasn’t. She couldn’t lose her best friend just because she was- was emotional. It was just weddings and pretending to be with him that were messing with her head.
He laughed at her, really he just didn’t want her to know she was already the star of far more of his dreams than he’d care to admit, particularly in their current situation. He placed all the bags in the trunk, save the cooler with snacks, and got in the car. “Here you are snack queen. You is in charge of all snacks for he trip.” He said with a smile, trying to get back to himself.
“All the snacks? I will have to be careful the power doesn’t go to my head.” She smiled as she took the cooler and placed it carefully by her feet. “So, boyfriend of mine, what do I need to know before we get there? I don’t want to go accidentally embarrassing you or anything.”
He laughed, “dads a hard ass, like boarder like douche bag, yes I just said that. Dean, is….well kinda the same but much bigger heart he refuses to admit he has. And Adam, well he’s actually great. Had a rough growing up, we actually didn’t meet till he was like 13 and I was 17 I believe. But he’s a giant sweet heart, pretty sure he’s gay. But we will let him figure that out on his own.” He said with a chuckle.
“This is the way you describe your family? Nice.” she chuckled. “So what’ve you said about me? How would you describe your wonderful, amazing girlfriend since you describe your family as two boarder like douche bags and a closeted gay?” Raising an eyebrow she looked over at him with a smile, truly curious how he would describe her and figuring she would get a sarcastic answer.
Sam scoffed and half his hand over his chest, “and who says I don’t LIKE my two douche bags and closet gay? Hu? Nooo one! They are epic, dads an ex marine who is still running his own gun range and super involved with the community and Dean well meh he’ll figure his shit out in his own time. And Adam, well dude that poor kids life was all kinds of fucked up, if he wants to sit in the closet forever that’s ok with me he’s still super fucking sweet, and smart as shit dude, like irritatingly so.” He said laughing at himself. “And you, well you is the tiny one whoms is perfect other than you leave the damn step stool out and I kick it in the dark.” He said only half joking.
“Well if you just got the high stuff or lifted me up to get it then I wouldn’t need to use the damn step stool and you wouldn’t walk into it with your massive giant legs.” she shot back with mock offense. “Although that would mean you being with me like 100% of the time just in case there’s something up high so fair enough. That’s not the only thing I do that drives you crazy though. You’re always early and I’m always just about there on time. You like to get up early and I like to lay in bed til midday if I can help it. You like kale. I don’t think I need to say anything more than that.” she smiled a little sadly, knowing there were a billion reasons why she was not the girl for him.
He laughed at her, “you are silly as fuck. You needing to sleep more is litterally a sex thing, as in you’re female and y’all need more sleep, it’s scientifically proven. Also you’re cute asleep. And you don’t like to be early but you HATE being late so we’re good on that one. And kale, you eat all the time I just treat you like a child and hide it in smoothies and brownies.” He said laughing so hard he thought for just a second he may need to pull over.
He got ahold of himslef, “no those are just differences, that’s totally normal. Buy that damn step stool of yours seems to always be sitting at my shin height when I find it and it hurts!”
“Maybe that’s karma for the kale! Oh My God! I can’t believe you’ve been forcing me to eat kale! That… that’s…” she trailed off shaking her head, her eyes wide in disbelief. “You serious? You get me to eat kale all the time? I’m not sure how I feel about that. This changes our relationship entirely you sneaky bastard.” she tried to hold back a smile but it was tugging at the corners of her lips. In truth, she didn’t really mind kale but he looked so damned adorable when he got all frustrated with her about it she couldn’t help herself. “Here was me about to offer to tend to your bruises and make you feel better about the step when all the time you’ve been plying me with kale. You’re lucky I love ya because nobody else would get away with pulling that sort of shit.” she punched his arm playfully.
He laughed again, this was nice, it felt….normalish.
“Well if the recipe callls for it I am not doing anything it is”. He said fully not going to take responsibility for trying to keep her healthy. “Besides you only get one of these stupid things, why you always trying to wreck yours?” He said jokingly.
“You do realise this is the first thing I’m gonna tell your family when I meet them. They will say ‘Oh, hello Emily, it’s so nice to finally meet the incredibly intelligent, beautiful, amazingly creative and talented woman that our Sam has luckily found. How are you? How was the drive?’ and I will say, ‘Sam has been hiding kale in my food! KALE! He hid it in my goddamned cookies! That’s the sort of man you’re family with.’ and then they will be just as disgusted by your kale sneaking actions. How much of what’s in the cooler is laced with Kale? I think I’ve said kale too many times because it’s like a made up word to me now. Kale, kale, kale, kale, kale.” she mused with a furrowed brow.
After thinking to herself for a while she turned back to Sam, changing the subject completely. “You know when we first met? I was incredibly drunk but that’s not what I wanted to say, I was gonna say when we first met I thought you were gonna end up with Rachel. James had invited you to the party because he thought you were hot. You’re less hot to him now he knows how much of a dork you are but when I first moved him he had a mighty thirst. You turned up all tall and handsome and I thought you were gonna go for Rachel but you ended up taking care of my drunk ass. Maybe, if I hadn’t got so wasted, she’d be the one sat here with you now and it would be a real relationship. You two might even be engaged or married by now. Oh, I feel bad now. I could have completely fucked up your life.” she frowned, turning to look at him.
Sam laughed so hard he snorted! “you are such a butt head did you know that? i whinny little tiny, cute, bratty, butt-head!” he exclaimed reaching for hi water bottle.
“Besides they wouldn’t be surprised. I hide good shit in all kinds of food and I have done it for years, and noting but the brownies have kale in them. Also you say Kale cute so if you’re trying to annoy you are losing.” he said with a smirk.
then he registered what she had said at the end, “Dude that foolio is soooo annoying sometimes i could never, but he does have the cutest ass! And do you know me at all! or do you not know her? That women is fucking vile, she is ALWAYS cheating! poor matt has cried over that hoe so many nights dude!”
“But maybe she is like that because she’s supposed to be with you and I ruined it.” she looked at him with big, sad eyes, her bottom lip resting between her teeth. “I don’t know, I just figured she is gorgeous and slim with an ass you could bounce a quarter on and a sizable rack and… I don’t know. I’ve never really figured out what your type is.” she looked at him curiously. “Samster? What is your type? All this time I could have been setting you up, you never know I may know the perfect person for you. Come on, you can guess what my type is and I can tell you how close you are then you can tell me how close my guess is.”
Sam rolled his eyes so hard at her he thought it actually hurt a bit, “you’re a dork. My type isn’t a size or shape or ass that quarters can bounce off of. Bleh. I mean ass is nice don’t get me wrong, but em, do you really see me so shallow?” He asked wondering if she assumed he hadn’t been dayonfbevuse he hadn’t found a women who meet his standards of beauty, “the fuck chick? I need mental stimulation, or The both of us would wind up so board we would both cheat!”
“So the sexy librarian type? Yeah, I can see that. Deep philosophical conversations filled with long words I don’t have a clue about. So, smart’s your turn on? Damn. I never stood a chance.” She sighed dramatically, only mostly joking.
“This bitch, so you hear half of what I say?” He said making fun of her but also exasperated, how the fuck does one day YOU, without saying it? “Nah, she doesn’t have to be a philosopher, or every super smart just not stupid, she can’t be just her body, cuz these things they have a self life duh!” He said Patting her head.
“I don’t think I’ll ever figure you out.” she sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder. “I think I could spend my entire life tryin’ and still not get it right. I must frustrate the hell outta ya.” she smirked. This was nice, just the two of them. She wasn’t lying, she could easily spend the rest of her life trying to figure him out and that kinda sounded appealing.
He smiled and felt his face go hot, “Man it won’t take that long you’re like half way there and we’ve only know one another for like three years.” He told her knowing what that sounded like.
“Halfway there? Really?” she glanced up at him in surprise. “I’m thinking the other half is all the important stuff you don’t like talking to me about so I figure it’s gonna take more than three more years, especially working out all your kinks. I know, I know you don’t wanna make it weird but I’m intrigued and I swear I will wear you down one day.” she smirked before leaning her head on his shoulder again.
Sam huffed out of his nose at her, “let’s make it part of the weekend then? You have to tell me weird shit too in return for weird shit about me? Butttttt! Only one per day!” He said for some reason feeling like he mine as well try..
“Really?” she sat up and turned to him, excitement written all over her face. “I get to learn weird shit about you?!? Do I get to choose or if your brother lets something slip does that count as my thing? Can it be anything? Oh, oh, oh Sam, this is gonna be awesome. You go first then I get an idea of how weird this is gonna get. What do you wanna know? Anything.” she smiled brightly. There was only one or two things she really didn’t want to tell him and they were pretty much about the sex dream she’d had about him and the possibility that she might actually have feelings for him.
Her reaction was…more than he had expected. “Dean spilling secrets counts cuz then you have to too, not fairnjf you’ve already gotten a secret then another and I don’t. But weird as it gets eventually. Like when I shower I have to use it as this like weird ass cleaning ceremony or my whole fucking days thrown off, you know aura holes and shit dude it really frustrates me when I forget.” He explained, knowing she didn’t know much about his spirituality, or his weird ass empath shit, and expecting her to laugh at him.
“Okay, this just brings up more questions so am I allowed to ask follow up questions specific to the thing? Like, I know about aura’s but what are aura holes? What is this cleaning ceremony? Seriously man, you’ve gotta give me more about this.” she said, genuinely interested, turning in her seat to look at him with a soft smile.
Her smile, it did things to his heart he didn’t know if he was ready for. But he smiled back and shook his head, “cleansing, not cleaning, my bad. Also your aura is like an extension of your body, and soul. And well if ya don’t take care of it you get holes, especially when you’re as fucking empathetic as my stupid ass is.” He tried to explain without sounding too, much. “And yes fallow up questions are allowed to an extent. But that goes for me too, so you’re turn oh tiny one.” He said mocking her, booping her nose on the way to the cooler, but he couldn’t reach so he pouted at em to see if she’d grab snacks, even though they had only been on the road for an hour and a half.
“My turn? Already? But I still have questions.” she whined, pouting playfully. “I wanna know what this ceremony entails and I’m filing away the ‘empathetic’ thing for later questions.” she said as she reached for the snacks and popped a carrot stick into his mouth. “Okay. One of my weird things nobody knows. So, when I get stressed I go upside down. Like, if there’s room I’ll do a headstand against a wall or lay with my head off the end of the bed or the sofa. It clears my head. Is that a good enough one or do I need to do better?” she frowned, not sure if he would want something more.
Sam smiled, “well now that you told me yours we can still talk about mine, but you do know that is both physiologically and spiritually pernent? Like it helps blood flow to your brain, and also your energy rebalance, it’s like literally jumpstaring your whole body, little one you’re smart for doing that.” He tried to explain without sounding to weird, but he found it fascinating that she did this, it was also very yoga like, and well Sam would have killed it teach her yoga.
“It’s just something I’ve done from being small.” She shrugged. “I do like the whole ‘jumpstarting my whole body’ idea though. Can we just go back to you in the shower for a moment?” She asked and the mental image that question brought up sent a warm tingle through her body. “I wanna know more about this cleansing thing, I want to know if it’s something I should be doing. I don’t want holes in my aura. I need details. Is it every time you shower or just certain times of day? What does it entail? Come on, spill it.” She lay her hand on his thigh as she leaned forward a little to beg him for more information.
He smiled at her, he hadn’t known if he should met he was know his “hippy dippy” side as his family called it. But it would come up so it was good they were talking.
“That’s actually a really healthy coping mechanism to develop as a child.” He told her proud that she has found something like that so early on.
“Me in the shower do it for you little one? Cuz it’s like dancing, sort of, in the shower, cuz your more like….managing your own energy. If that makes sense?”
Her cheeks flushed a little and she dipped her head, trying to hide how spot on his teasing question was by letting out an amused huff through her nose. “I may now have a very interesting mental image of you dancing in the shower but yeah, the managing your energy kinda makes sense. It’s like, if someone’s a mood hoover they just sap all the positivity from everyone around them but if you send out positive energy you kinda get that back. The universe gives you what you put out there.” She hummed thoughtfully, leaning over to grab some more snacks, considering one of the kale laced brownies.
Sam smiled, good, they could both be overtly uncomfortable together, he thought with a small smile. “Yes! But also you keep others crap from messing with yours cuz some people don’t even realize what they are just spewing out at you!” Sam said with a smile, watching her, he swatted her hand, “no no you know it’s all kale infected right?” He said teasing her!
Scrunching her nose she huffed a small sigh. “Damn you and your kale. Now there’s these brownies that I can’t have and that makes me want them even more even though I know it’s probably a really bad idea because- because of the kale but they look so good and…” she subconsciously licked her lips. “I don’t know. The brownies are kinda like you. Yummy on the outside but filled with fucking kale.” she sighed dramatically before looking over at him with a grin.
Sam busted out laughing at her. “Ahh you’re too cute girl. Really the cookies are just regular ones, but the brownies aren’t. And there’s the one humas you like and the blue chips, that you don’t hate.” He explained that he’d purposely packed things he knew that she liked along with healthy-ish aide to them.
“You know what? Some girl is gonna be so damn lucky to be with you. You actually pay attention and you have no idea how rare that is. You take in all this information and store it, like my favourite snacks, and I’m just your friend. Imagine all the sorts of things you’d pick up about someone you were actually into.” Leaning forward she grabbed the hummus and chips before moving back to lean against him. “We can do this, right? Me and you can be a believable couple. I don’t wanna screw this up for you.” she was beginning to feel nervous. Sure, she’d always said Sam would make a great boyfriend but recently she had been seeing all the little things that she would wish for in a partner and now to play the role without the actual commitment, that was dangerous. This was all an act for him and she needed to remind herself that it had to be an act for her too. He was not hers and he wasn’t about to be.
Sam sighed far more heavy than he had mean to. “You know just as an FYI it’s cuz I love you. I don’t pay attention to weird shit for other people. I know all this about dad and dean, and even Adam, you are just one of those now, the peoples I love, in this stupid world.” He tried to explain realizing it came out for more….more than he had intended. “Besides it’s not hard to just act like that love is romantic is it?”
“So you love me like you love Dean and Adam? Like a sister?” She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice and kicked herself. Surely it was better to be an extension of his family than to not have him in her life at all. “You know what, you’re right. We can do this. We’re already pretty close so the personal space thing isn’t an issue, we can and sometimes have finished each other’s sentences. Are there any off limit things here? I mean, obviously there’s not gonna be any sex but like, would you freak out if we had to kiss or something? I would ask you NOT to touch my ass because that’s kinda a thing for me and unless we really are crossing lines here you’re not gonna wanna deal with the consequences of such actions. See, there’s another weird thing about me so now you share, that’s how it works right?” She asked, her cheeks hot at her confession.
Her anxiety made him feel a little less anxious, ya least she was just as frazzled as he was. He laughed at her too, “well now I’ll keep that for later.” He said with a smirk. “And if things get blurred we will figure it out sweetie. If you ever get uncomfortable you tell me ok?” He said softly. “And my ass too, don’t go a groping unless you want to get it back ok?” He said with a wink.
