So this kinda ties the last two posts together into a nice little bow lol... two days ago Derrek was spending time with my family a lot and I got really upset for a few reasons, but mainly because I donāt get to be around his family like that and it seems like he doesnāt ever want me to. I went off and cried by myself while he hung out with my mom and chuckles. When he came to check on me I tried to hide how upset I was.Ā
Yesterday we were having an amazing day and then he was on the phone with his mom and yet again pretended he wasnāt with me and made up his fake life yet again. I started crying and tried to hide it but he could tell. He was about to go pick up the chinese food that we ordered so he needed to leave but kept trying to get me to say what was wrong and I didnāt wanna talk about it. THEN he said āI love youā in the most sincere way before he left. I did not say it back. I didnāt say anything. Maybe āmhmā or made a little noise.
After he left to get our food I cleaned up my tears and poured myself my third or fourth glass of wine to try to pull myself together. When he got back I acted like nothing was wrong again. I wasnāt sure if his words earlier on had just been an attempt at cheering me up. Therefore my mission was to get drunk enough to ask him if he meant it when he said he loved me and to hopefully say it back to him. We watched Community for a while and I tried to get the both of us fairly drunk.Ā
A few hours went by and I finally got the courage to ask him if he meant what he had said before he left earlier. At first he was confused but then he told me that he did mean it because heĀ ācares about me a lot.ā I told him that I had never said it to anyone before. He assured me that I didnāt have to say if I didnāt want to. I saidĀ ābut I dooooā and he jokedĀ āwhat? you do wanna get married?!ā and I saidĀ ānooo I loooooove you!ā in the most stupidly slurred (but admittedly kinda cute) way. He again told me I didnāt have to say it back and was shocked when I admitted that I hadnāt said it to anyone besides family, a few friends, and maybe crushes from preteen years before. I told him that I had been wanting to say it for a while, but that I wanted to wait until he said it first. It was a really sweet moment.
Now Iām really happy about this. Iām glad we can openly say we love each other and as dumb as it sounds Iām excited to text it to each other and say it on the phone as well. I just wish the other issue could be resolved too. Hopefully it will be before too long.
For now Iāll just be content with the fact that I love him and he loves me back.