#mylifeasemily

Just a young lady from the city of Fame and Fortune who's trying to keep peace with her mind and passion with her heart.

[itsemerysworld]

Riddle me not

Life comes and goes

And rolls and stops

It stings and it burns

It teaches a lesson

It happens everyday

Whether you know it or not

Life comes and goes

It gets better

And it gets worse

It comes and goes

This thing called life

Your chapter starts

Your section ends

It comes and goes

People

Things

Animals

Family

Friends

They come

And they go

They stay a while

Whether for a reason

A season

Or a lesson

Life is fragile

Like grandmas glass ornament with the flower inside

Life is fragile

Like a dried up fall leaf that will shatter when you step on it

Life is beautiful

Like the sunset we love to watch

Life is beautiful

Like bright colors on a mural

It’s beautiful

Like the sun shining through colored glass

Life is complicated

Like a math problem

Or a theory

Life is here

Life is behind your eyes

In your eyes

Through your eyes

Life is in your veins

In your heart

Your foot steps

Nestled between your fingers

Life is careful

Try not to break it

Time flies

Like a eagle over the desert

Time flies

Like the obnoxious fly on the wall you can’t get rid of

Time stops

It pauses

Takes a breath

It goes outside for a walk

Life

[itsemerysworld]

I should be doing homework

I should be writing on a piece of paper

I should be engaging in mind strengthening activities

I should be working towards my future

Which, don’t get me wrong, I am

I’m working

Everyday

Every waking moment

And even during my snooze fests

But who doesn’t like snooze fests

I’m thinking about this last weekend

The last year minus some weeks

Life has changed

For the better

Or even for the best

I’ve grown as a person

Intellectually

Spiritually

Emotionally

And unfortunately physically

Just look at it as more to love

And more to squeeze in skinny jeans

I’ve gained another trip around the sun

29 trips so far

29 long ass trips

But this last trip has been the best

And I’m sure this trip until my 30th will be better

I gained a degree

I misplaced a few things

I swiped right on an app

And avoided weird people

I hit the door

But fell on the floor

I saw his eyes

And I’m sheilding mine

But I won’t hide them

They’re covered

I’m covered

He’s loved

I’m loved

He’s the love

I’m the love

He’s one

And I’m the other

I found him

[itsemerysworld]

Its been a while since I’ve written

Its been a while since I opened this app

And decided to write

Its been a while

Almost a year, but just a few weeks short

A lot has happened 

In the last year minus some days

I’ve moved

I’ve graduated

I’ve dyed my hair

My cat, Moe still annoys me

I get along with my brother better now

My parents still trek the world endlessly 

And without borders

My grandparents are still going

At 103& 105

But who knows for how long

I left the Westside and moved to the Valley

Absolute different world as I would say

Also, its hot as fuck over here

I live in a two bedroom two bathroom apartment

I have tandem parking

But only my car fits

The building is old

But the air-condition is a life saver

Its probably a hundred degrees outside

But I wouldn’t know

I’m snuggled under blankets with the AC on

My cat, Moe, is with me

He’s sleeping

Doing a thing that I’d like to do

But I’ll do that later

Its September

I think the 5th

I’m not sure

4 months left in 2019 

And then here comes 2020

Perfect vision

Just perfect

A lot has happened in the last year

Minus some weeks

I got my Bachelors in Psychology

So I can sit and judge people

(Just kidding)

I bought a piano

But I don’t practice

I can write

But I never do

I fell in love

And I know that he's it

[itsemerysworld]

Inspiration is an odd thing

It’s the kind of thing you don’t expect

But you also don’t expect to expect it because it just happens

Inspiration is a bitch

Inspiration 

It doesn’t always come when you want it

And it definitely doesn’t come when you need it

Inspiration

What a weird thing

It’s a voice in your head

In your mind

It’s a sudden jolt of adrenaline

It’s a feeling of wanting to do something

Needing to do something

Craving to do something

Fulfilling a craving need to do something

Inspiration comes in random 

Random times

Random places

During random activities

Inspiration

It’s there

It’s a light switch

It’s the light bulb over your head like in the cartoons

It flickers some days

And other days the power is out

Inspiration

Motivation

Intriguing

Itching

Pulling

An “Ah-Ha!” moment

Inspiration

A spirit

A movement

A soothing comfort

[itsemerysworld]

Inevit

Stress is inevitable

Stress is the hand that's knocking on your door

Loudly

Consistently

All hours of the day

Every minute of the night

Stress is inevitable

It's around the corner

It's in your sock drawer

It's the first thing you feel when you wake up

 It's the last thing that tucks you into bed at night

Stress is inevitable

It's your worst enemy

But what if I said it was your best friend

Your compadre

Your ride or die

Your pillow at night when you sleep

It wakes you up in the morning

Like an alarm clock at 6am

Like your neighbors lawn mower being turned on at 9am on a Saturday

Stress can be your friend

Your best friend

Your favorite aunt

Your annoying uncle

Stress can be a good thing

Stress is a good thing

Stress is in our blood

Our hearts

Our mind

It tickles our blood vessels 

And races our hearts 

Stress is a good thing

It's a feelingA sensation

A movement

Stress is a foundation

A building block

A tiny aspect

A little thing

A giant thing

Stress is here

Stress is there

Stress is within you

Me

Your parents

Your teacher

Stress isn't shameful

Stress is beautifulIt's just a sign that you're just a human

Stress is inevitable

[itsemerysworld]

Cage

Being trapped is a feeling of tightness

It’s a feeling of being choked

Shrunk

Forced to a small space

It’s a feeling of no air

Light headed ness

It’s the feeling of the hair on your arms standing up

It’s the discomfort of what was once comfort

It’s the agony of screaming with no voice

The signature with no mark

It’s being cornered

Like a mouse

It’s being hunted

With no where to go

It’s walking along a tile floor waiting to step on a crack

A lego

Broken egg shells

It’s a feeling of abuse

Manipulation

Controlling

Intimidation

You did you

And I’ll do me

It’s my house with your footsteps

It’s my door knob with your finger prints

It’s my window with your cloud

It’s running with no where to go

It’s a game with no end

It’s a sick game

It’s a mental fuck

An emotional pull

It’s your vocal chords screaming but nothings coming out

It’s a new pattern

That’s old news

It’s a new abuse

But another type

It’s tiring

It’s dark

And it’s the last thing you ever want

[itsemerysworld]

Wellbeing is defined as “the state of being comfortable, healthy, and happy.” Mental health is defined as “a persons condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well being.” Self esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self reflect.” Your mind is either your best friend or your worst enemy. Your reflection is either someone that you adore or someone you despise. Your thoughts at night are either pleasant or depressing. Your emotions are either locked and protected or out and about. Your smile is either loud and genuine or quiet and forced. The shine in your eyes are either signs of happiness or a silent cry for help. Your hands are either out in the open or hiding behind your back. Your personality is either wild and free or quiet and vulnerable. Your body is either an honored temple or a dump site that’s been neglected. Mental health, a topic that’s quite shushed, is common. It’s an illness that you don’t see but you can hear about. It’s a persons worse battle with no one else but themselves. It’s a daily battle of good thoughts and bad thoughts. It’s wanting to get out of bed and accomplishing things but convincing yourself you won’t succeed. It’s promising your friends you’ll see them but you’re embarrassed and vulnerable. It’s knowing that your brain sometimes hates itself but you’re too afraid to admit it. It’s looking the mirror and being blind to the beauty that everyone else sees. It’s crawling into bed and obsessively reflecting on your flaws. It’s the anxiety of being in public. It’s the depression of feeling like a failure. It’s a mind game that you tell yourself you’re not good enough. Your mental health is vital and it is not always visual. Your body is your showcase. It shows the world who you are by a cover, and people don’t always turn the pages to understand why. This is three years apart. Three years of backs and forths. Three years of endless nights and meaningless days. Three years of deciding whether the person in the mirror was of worth or not. Three years of looking out the window and having my brain decide whether it was a day worth seeing outside or a day under the covers. Mental health is inconsistently consistent. It is a yes or no, a maybe or maybe not. It’s a genuine smile verse a forced. It’s your brain having pleasant thoughts verse damning ones. It is not perfect, it’s imperfect. It does not make you less of a human, but rather more heightened. It makes you understanding but not understandable. It’s not a shame, it’s not a curse. Society has made it a curse. A damn. Something embarrassing to have. Mental health isn’t embarrassing. It isn’t a shame, and you’re never alone. Your thoughts dictate your life, your motivation, your love and your wants. Brighter days come and darker days go. The world is shining bright and dimming low. Your thoughts dictate your body, your emotions, your wellbeing. Although it may not be consistently good or consistently bad. It IS consistently there and all it takes is how you handle it. You are worthy. You are important. You are of value and time. You are NOT alone You are a human And you shouldn’t be afraid to be one.

[itsemerysworld]

De-press please

Depression

De-press-ion

De-presh-un

What a weird thing

What a scary thing

What a real disorder

Diss-order

Out-of-order

No order

What a weird thing

What a true thing

What a scary thing

What a gnarly thing

It’s true

It’s real

It’s a problem

It controls your mind

Your thoughts

Your dreams

Your senses

Your touch

(Lack thereof)

It increases

Blood flow

Heart pounding

Lessens

Logic

Reality

Your sense of belonging

Depression

Depression

What a dirty thing

One day it’s there

One day it’s gone

[itsemerysworld]

Life has a way

Life always has a way

Life always has a fucking way

It has A way

Or multiple ways of teaching you lessons

Introducing you to new ones

And disregarding old ones

Life has a way of playing games

Controlling games

Gipping games

Taking games

Life has  way of confusing you

Taunting you

Reminding you

Teaching you lessons

Any lessons you can think of 

Life just drags

It pulls

It pushes

It shoves

It makes you smile and

It makes you cry

Life has a way of forcing changes

Whether you’re ready for it or not

Whether you’re expecting it or not

It pushes you to another dimension

For better or for worse

In my case better

But on the other end its worse

Imagine flipping your life

Imagine stopping your addiction

Stopping something that you’ve known for years

Every minute of every day

Whatever it may be

A drug

A food

A drink

A person

A place

A thought

A wish

Imagine whatever it may be

And imagine having it every waking day

Every hour that your eyes are closed

Every time that your job allows you to day dream

It’s there

Breathing

In your face

In your system

In your thoughts 

Lacing between your fingers

Itching between your ears

It’s there

This addiction

Your life is all this is

It’s all you know

Imagine your drug

Being taken away

Imagine reading a book and having to shut the chapter

You can’t look back

You can’t ponder

You can’t let the cat out the bag

It’s closed

That book is closed

You can’t peak

You can’t whisper

You can’t put the needle to your skin 

Or the drink in your shot glass

Imagine your world

That you knew

You’ve always known

Is suddenly not know-able

It’s dangerous

It’s filthy

It’s the reason why your world flipped

Imagine leaving that book

That drug

That shot glass

On a counter top

Or maybe even a night stand

Imagine knowing that it’s there

It’s in your face

But how dare you to touch it

Sip it

Dream it

Want it

It’s there

Imagine having to leave that book

Abandon it

Shut off curiosity about it

Forget wanting it

Needing it

Dreaming it

Imagine that needle

So tempting

And so comforting

But so painful 

So damaging

But so addicting

Imagine the characters in your book

That you read with everyday

They were a part of the plot

But not a part of the addiction

Imagine the chapter being shut too

Imagine disconnecting from things you thought you had

And finding yourself with nothing following

No new followers

No new advice givers

No one

The needle is still there

Not within reach

But within a thought

Within a craving

Within a desire

It’s there

Watch your world

Watch your thoughts

Watch your hands when they reach for that shot glass

They’re shaking

Your heart is pulsing in your ear

It’s so bad

But it’s so good

It’s home

But it’s a bomb shelter

It’s that comfort pillow

That feels like a cactus

It’s that sleeping pill

That makes your mind race

Imagine your world

Forget that chapter

And any characters you knew until you closed the chapter

No peaking

No looking

No wondering

No backtracking

Imagine snapping your fingers and being somewhere new

Somewhere farther than you’ve ever been

Somewhere that resembles a tree house hidden in a forest

Imagine knowing you exist

But realizing that no one else notices

You’re alive

But no one’s there

You’re on a new path in life

But you don’t have support

Imagine a radar with a plane on it

Or a helicopter

Or a car

Like a police chase

Imagine tracking every single movement

and then suddenly

it’s gone

[itsemerysworld]

Sunsets are cool

Perspectives are cool

The way the sky touches the ocean is cool

The way that the wind blows through the blinds is cool

The old lady walking her loyal dog in a high end neighborhood is cool

The way I’m sitting here on my balcony chair facing west is cool

The fact that life changes so quick can be cool

It can be scary

Inspiring

Intimidating

Motivating

Threatening

Life is like an arrow

Or maybe like a compass

You’re always going in different directions

Whether it’s north or south

Or up and down

It’s always going

Happening

Existing

Moving

Like the wind

Sometimes you see it

Sometimes you feel it

The sunset is cool

Calming

Refreshing

An ending

A pause

A reality

The sky turns colors

Or maybe it changes

It shifts

Contorts

Moves around

It evaporates

It’s in your face

It’s in a coloring book

The sunrise is cool

It’s bright

Loud

Awakening

Eye opening

Literally and figuratively

The dogs barking

Are real

Raspy

Sudden

Like the voice in the back of your head

The cat is afraid

Or maybe it’s trying to stand it’s ground

The dog is big

But the cat is bigger

The sunset is cool

But the sunrise starts a new day

A new view

A new look

A new touch

A new smell

A new dream

Sunsets are cool too

They end things

Your day

Your thought

Your goals for the day

But sitting is cool too

You’re motionless

But you feel so much

You’re in one physical place

But your mind is roaming freely

The sunset is cool

But it’s cooler when you’re sitting in a chair

And taking in what you see

Without worrying about a thing

[itsemerysworld]

Bright skies

Cloudy skies

Dark skies

Dim skies

Big skies

Small skies

California skies

Arizona skies

Skies above home

Skies away from home

This sky

My sky

Your sky

The sky

The sun

The clouds

The dreams

The wishes

The wants

The changes

The comfort

The discomfort

The same sky

A different sky

Under the sky

Under the trees

Beneath the leafs

In a house

In your home

In your head

In your thoughts

Same thoughts

Different meanings

Same wishes

Different outcomes

Same month

Different years

Same love

Different needle

Same craving

Different reason

Some love

No weakness

Same words

Different meaning

Long poem

Short story

This world

Your world

Collision

Hard landing

Crash landing

An addict needle

An addict love

A victims mouth

A victims mind

A craving

An escape

An old box

A new box

Old grounds

New grounds

Comfort zone

No comfort zone

Rambling words

Continuing words

Changes

Upgrades

Downgrades

No good

Somewhat good

Amazingly good

Changes 

Mirrors

Reflection

Recognize

Unrecognizable 

You

Me

Old games

No games

Moving on

Forward

Proceeding

Dead ends

Done

Finish 

Kapeesh

Images

Visions

Dreams

Hallucinations

A mary jane hit

A tequila shot

A burn of fire

A discomfort of coldness

Games

Abuse

Harassment 

Mind games

Manipulative

You’re you

You’re you in my book

You’re you in your book

Shape

Disfigure

Break

Shatter

Tear down

Build up again

Start over

Perspective

Goals

Clean slate

White paper

Black ink

New pen

Bleeding new beginning 

[itsemerysworld]

uh-ba-use

uh-ba-use

uh-buu-se

abuse

its seen

and its not seen

its in your face

or its in your mind

sometimes its in your skin

on your skin

in your soul

on your soul

burning your soul

adjusting your soul

for all the wrong reason

its a needle

a drug needle

a deathly needle

an addicting needle

its there

its in reach

its poisonous

it tastes good

the after taste sucks

it feels enriching

its toxic

its a life

a style

a box

like for a cat

unfamiliar space but comfortable

its home

its a hiding spot

its an escape

imagine an escape

a place to run away too

a place outside of your box

a place where happiness and rainbows are

now imagine an escape

and an escape from that escape

imagine escaping from something you’ve already escaped from

a home

a hiding spot

a box

a box that your fat cat has sat in for so long that the edges are bending

imagine running

but coming back

imagine sprinting 

but coming back

imagine finally pausing

you’re not running

you’re not sprinting

you’re escaping

but you’re still there

imagine the change

the pain

the discomfort

imagine your cats favorite box falling apart

the edges are worn

there are a few holes in it

some claw marks

some parts missing

remember when that box was new

solid

tough

strong edges

felt good

looked good

look at the box again

home isn't home anymore

the needle isn’t your pillow

the pain isn’t love

remember running

sprinting

remember that last hit

that last drag

the last time you get to sit in your little box home

it’s gone

their gone

he’s gone

she’s gone

it’s gone

that little box

is nothing now

[itsemerysworld]

tu-thousand & 8teen

this is it

this is the year

the year of realness

the year that the caterpillar becomes a butterfly

the kind of butterfly that everyone stops to look at

this is the year

where creativity will be bled

it will seep through your veins and into your fingertips

it will evolve in your dreams

destroy your dreams

expand your dreams

this is the year

where you’ll look in the mirror

you’ll take a good look

not a half-ass look

(or a full ass look, if you have one)

this is the year

where everyones nagging will make sense

where your biggest fear will come true

this is the year

where true colors come

they’re sprayed

dropped

splattered

drenched

in your face

this is the year

with no doubt

no doubt you’ll succeed

no doubt you’ll get a coachella ticket

no doubt you’ll get over your biggest fear

no doubt that the person in the mirror is stronger than ever

no fucking doubt that the person you thought was saving you was hurting you

no doubt

no questions

no turn-around

no take-back

this is the year

that what i send is what i send

this is the year where i don’t use “lol” to end my sentence

if i’m nice, i’m nice

if i’m being a bitch, i’m being a bitch lol

this is the year

where sticks and stones

can’t break my bones

because i know i’m better than these bitches

[itsemerysworld]

your mind is a garden

never stop watering

[itsemerysworld]

Life has a way of trying you

It has a way of testing you

Teasing you

Pulling you

Pushing you

Shoving you face first in the ground

And then pulling you back up

I'm a mere 27 years old

Young to some

Old to others

Life is a crisis

A challenge

A dance

A beautiful image

Life is what you make it

It is nothing more

Nor nothing less

Life is life

I'm a mere 27

Trying to find my way

Make my way

To somewhere

Some place

Some how

Some way

My head is talking

But my heart is screaming

My voice is speaking

My pen is yelling

My legs are running

But my feet are tip toeing

The sun is sleeping

Going for its nightly beauty rest

The sky is dark

The air is hot

My doors are locked

The windows open

Life is perspective

Visuals

Views

Images

It all depends how you look at it

[itsemerysworld]

long time comin’

Its been a while since I’ve posted anything

Its been a while since I’ve let my mind run free 

Its more than half way through 2k17

(Trust me, I know I’m not good at math–but I’m good at this)

I’ve been re-reading

Re-living

Re-breathing

Re-tracking

My old mindset

Old trait of thought

Old feeling of staring off into space and not feeling a thing

I’m living now

Breathing

Thinking

Hoping

Scanning the ocean line  for the last peak of the sun before it goes to bed for a few hours

2k17

Two thousand and butt fuck seventeen

(I’m not into that, you gross whore)

Life has changed

Evolved

Grown

Life isn’t so bad

Bad days aren’t so bad

Bad thoughts aren’t so bad

Unless you’re planning something sickening, than you need a shrink

I’ve seen dark days

Ugly days

Scary days

Your moms worst days

(No offense)

The sky gets dark

Your thoughts get cloudy

But sometimes you can’t have a rainbow

Without a little bit of fucking rain

[itsemerysworld]

Emotion

Emotions are a way

A kind of fucked up feeling

Or maybe a super  ...