My name is Maryanne Amich
I grew up out on the furthest farm from town in Chestnut Ridge. I've got six brothers and sisters, two horses, three barn cats, half a dozen chickens and one mean old sow named Mable. She ain't afraid to bite the hand that feeds her and daddy says she can get away with it on account she's so old. Daddy says she's the oldest cow in Mercer County. Been keeping us in milk supply long as I can remember-- daddy too. And Johnny.
Johnny's the oldest, see, then comes Sara Beth and Laura, then Jacob, then comes me, then Zachariah and Abraham. and if there's one thing I know it's if Johnny says somethin is true then you best believe it. "That boy ain't told one lie his whole life and you can take that all the way to the church, Maryanne" mama told me more times I can count. So if Johnny says Mable the oldest sow still milkin in Mercer county then I recken you can take that all the way to the church too.
Johnny would know better than anybody about that even if he was a liar. Better than anybody 'cept daddy I guess. Johnny been taking care of the farm since he could walk. Mama says Johnny used to spend all day following daddy around while he worked. Feeding the chickens, milking Mable, brushin the horses. Even in the field's whether daddy was sowin or weedin or waterin or harvestin there'd be Johnny toddlin along behind him tryna help.
"Johnny's born for this ranch, and he'll die for it too one day" mama told me one time when I asked how come Johnny ain't moved out yet and find a wife.
I was askin on account that everybody else got married moved out and was havin babies cept Johnny. Well and me. That's what started the whole conversation. Mama was instructin me on my piano one afternoon and I got a bit of an attitude with her on account that it was a specially hot day and I'd rather have been on a ride with Betsy or sitting down by the pond writin'.
Anyway, mama rapt my fingers with the yardstick she kept by the front door and it stung bad, but not as bad as what she told me.
"Maryanne you'll never find you a husband playing with fingers like that." says Mama
"What if I don't wanna husband and babies?" I says
"You like eatin? Having a roof over your head when it rains? Wood in the hearth when its cold and snowin? Look round you Maryanne, you like what you see? 'Cause I do. And I only got it all 'cause I got me a husband kind enough to give it to me. And you'll do the same one day."
To me that was the day I grew up. See Johnny is the oldest and he never done nothin cept what mama wanted him to do. He worked the farm with daddy till daddy couldn't no more and then took over. He's the one that arranged Sarah Beth and Laura's husbands too. Sarah Beth and Laura are twins. They came next after Johnny and you'll never find two twins more different in the whole world I think.
Laura was the first one to leave home. As much as I hated the idea of a husband and babies Laura was obsessed with it. She'd do anything The Watcher asked her to do. She'd read The Holy Book cover to cover more than any of us, more than mama I think even. So I guess she'd know it better enough to say what He wants from us.
Laura was just 15 when she married Cooper and moved into his parents house. They only stuck around on account that it's against the law for people under 18 to live on their own apparently. Daddy says we dont' gotta worry about it on account that we follow the Watcher's Law not the nations. Still Cooper's family must of disagreed. They moved out though once the babies came. Laura and Cooper had twins first which mama says cause it runs in the family. Two boys then they had a baby girl--Hyacinth. She's about as cute as can be. I always wanted a baby sister so I get to pretend with Hyacinth whenever mama let's me go over there.
But then you got Sarah Beth. She never wanted nothin in her whole life but to be a champion rider. Soon as she figured out how to put dirt under her feet and walk across it she was beggin Johnny for rides on Betsy--Johnny's horse. When she turned 8 Johnny sold his favorite paintin to get Sarah Beth her horse, Penny.
Sarah Beth loved ridin. But she loved anything outside. Mama used to have to drag her in to do her inside chores. That's a woman's work mama would say, you gotta learn woman's work so you'll make a good wife.
Sarah Beth would grumble bout it but she wanted to make a good wife so she'd do it fast as can be then she'd be back outside. Climbing a tree or skating on the pond or most often riding Penny. When she got to be about sixteen daddy done broke her heart tellin her she wasn't to compete. Said that wasn't ladylike of her, it was childish and she ought to grow up now.
I knew it must o hurt her cause Sarah Beth didn't even cry. She just said 'Yes Daddy' and went straight to her room. But I think she cry'd about it that night. She was standing at the door of the barn and I guess she must o been telling Penny goodbye, cause she came back all puffy eyed and Sarah Beth never once rode Penny again. She married Mr. Grover the next fall and moved into the big house on the hill.
After them all I've got left are brothers. Next comes Jacob he's a wild card mama says. He's the first one allowed to go to school 'nstead of just doin work here at home. He's real big into his studies. He likes to learn a lot, but mama had to beat the learning out of him when he got too old for it. According to mama a boy ought not to know too much lest he be annoying company. So she pulled him outta school round the same time baby Hyacinth was due to be born and he started helping Johnny on the farm.
Jacob don't like the farm. He told me so himself. Jacob was the first one to tell me the secrets about The Watcher. How he ain't really real and if he ain't real you don't gotta do what he say. He scared me so good when he said that. Felt like The Watcher himself was gonna come down and set him straight. I prayed for Jacob for days after that. I was so scared I almost told Mama. But I'm more scared of Mama than the watcher so after a few days nothin happenin' I started to think he might be okay.
He started tellin me more and more about life in the town and science and stuff. Showin me all the stuff the holy book got wrong. Tellin me how other people don't live this way. How regular kids are goin to school, girls too not just the boys. And how they don't gotta get married till they grown and only if they wanna.
One night Jacob tells me he gotta surprise for me. So we took Penny out and rode into town and he takes me way out to the otherside of town where there's all these cars parked together sittin facin a big white sheet hung up between two wooden posts. I asked what we was doin there for and he just shushed me and laid a blanket he brought from home out. When it got dark enough everyone got real quiet and suddenly the sheet lit up with pictures.
That was the first time I saw a movie. After the movie was over Jacob tells me most people got things called TVs in their houses where they can watch all the movies they want all day long if they want. Says they got things called TV shows even, which were like shorter movies that showed new every week. I asked how he even knew about this place and he says he heard of it from Polly Parkins from school.
That summer Jacob and I snuck out with Penny every Saturday night to watch pictures at the drive ins. Sometimes we'd see Polly in her red Cadilac and Jacob would go sit in her car for a bit and leave me with Penny. I never minded it much tho cause Penny's great company and I was so focused on the story being told. Cept sometimes he'd take so long to come back the movie'd be over and there was nothing but names left and I worried mama would start to notice we're not in our beds.
I asked him once about the words on the end of the movie. He says they're called "credits" and it's everyone who helped make the movie. That nearly changed my life hearin that. I couldn't believe it took that many people. That's when I started paying attention during the credits. I tried to read as many names as I could and see if I could remember em all. Then I started bringing my journal and writing em down.
Jacob once asked me why I was doin all that and I says cause they worked real hard and deserve to be remembered for it. And I hesitated cause I thought he was gonna laugh at me but then I found some courage and told him it was also cause I wanted that to be my name up there someday.
Jacob didn't laugh though. He just knelt down and put his hand on my shoulder and got real serious and says "if that's what you wanna do then we gonna make it happen, Maryanne. You and me. One of us oughtta make it out this damn town and its likely better you than me. So if its the last thing I do before meeting old grim then I'll make sure your name's up on that screen"
Sad enough that Jacob couldn't keep good on his promise. I don't blame him for none of it that followed though. Not one bit. More than anything I felt sorry for him.
It wasn't that night at the drive in we got caught but a couple weeks later. Mama caught us sneakin in an asked where we been. Jacob, bless his soul he didn't even try to lie. Maybe cause he knowd he'd never get away with it, maybe cause he was feelin brave after spending time with Polly that night.
I overheard him one time leavin Polly's car, he'd leaned down and cupped her face real gentle and said "you make me brave Polly Parkins." I thought he was gonna kiss her after that like in the movies but he didn't. He just looked at her and she looked at him and smiled the saddest smile I ever saw.
See, Polly looked at Jacob the way Johnny looks at the lame sheep at the market bein sold half off. Like he's sad for their existence. he'd like to take em home and give em a good life if they weren't so much work for nothin in return. But Jacob looked at Polly the way baby Hyacinth looks at you when you play keep-away with her toy bear.
It's her favorite game and she trusts you that you'll always give it back. So when you hide it behind your back she just laughs and laughs. and her eyes light up when she sees that bear coming back to her and she looks at you like you're the whole world.
So maybe it was on account that he saw Polly that night or maybe it was all the school teaching him science and taking him away from The Watcher or maybe Jacob was just finally tired enough but that night when Mama asked where we'd been he told her right.
I never saw Mama so mad. Not when Sarah Beth ask can she please wear pants to ride Penny stead of skirts. Not when Zachariah brought one of the barn cats in an hid her under his bed. Not even I told her I wasn't playin piano no more.
Thing about Mama is she's a quiet mad. So once she sent me to my room I didn't hear nothin that she says to Jacob about us bein out. Later she come in an gave me my whooping for lying and sneakin out. Then she did something I never will forget and still don't really understand. Mama hugged me and told me she sorry. Says she's sorry Jacob was takin advantage of me and sorry I'd seen so many nasty things that a lady ought not see. She told me it was gonna be alright.
I didn't say nothing cause I knew better than to admit that I was having fun. That Jacob wasn't taking advantage and I wanted to go with him to see the movies.
The next day mama had me sit and read scripture all day long and mama sat with me. Johnny was working in the field and daddy left for a few hours and when he came back he had Zachariah and Abraham, come home from school. Says they won't be going back. I kept askin where's Jacob but mama just keep reading scripture.
A week later mama sits us all down at dinner and says Jacob's getting married. At first I was excited cause I was thinking he got to marry Miss Polly, but then mama says her cousin Elizabeth is coming up from the valley and bringing her niece--Abigail and Abigail is gonna marry Jacob soon as they get here.
I turned 15 the day Jacob and Abigail had their first baby-Esther. I remember holding that baby, so tiny and warm and red. and seeing my Jacob three years my senior and looking so much more. Watching him look at that baby the way Polly used to look at him and I told myself I wasn't never gonna die in that town. One of us oughtta get out and it was best to be me.
That's how come I got to writing this today. Cause today is the first day in my own apartment, all by myself. Jacob couldn't help me on account of being too busy with his Abigail and his Esther but Johnny of all people came round. He's the one that stole the wine daddy'd been hoardin and sold it for me. Gave me the keepsake box mama'd been making and helped me buy my bus ticket.
"you get goin and don't look back Maryanne you hear?" Johnny said. I nodded to him and that was the last time I saw him or anyone from Chestnut ridge. I moved out here to the big city of Del Sol Valley and got me an apartment on account of Polly's aunt happens to be the owner.
But all that only happened on account of what happened that Christmas and that's a story for another day. So I'll just finish it off here with the picture we took the Spring Jacob got pulled outta school. We started going to the drive-ins the following summer.
Laura and Sara Beth moved out by then but that's me in the middle. Mama and Daddy on the ends hold Zachariah and Abraham. then there's Johnny next to his best friend in the whole world, Betsy.