Izzy Rayne

I want to be something more than I am now 22// safe space // original poetry S♡

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

I am terrified that I will inadvertently condition myself to hate everything I once loved.

— [i.r.]

[06.24.21.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

There’s a dream I had; about six years ago. I can still picture it all play out vividly, like a movie I watched once that got stuck in my brain. I can recall it all perfectly. Images in my mind that are crystal clear; yet never truly existed at all.

Why is it that I remember this so clearly but forget real events that occurred? There are a multitude of memories I wish I still possessed: snapshots of my life, moments frozen in time, feelings I want to hold onto, and people I never want to forget.

Knowing how fragile the human memory is, can I even be confident in my own truth? Especially when that truth was never really real to begin with?

And what do I do if I cannot trust my own mind?

- [i.r.] // [07.12.24.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

Being right isn’t worth dying for.

- things I wish I knew earlier.

- [i.r.] // [05.05.24.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

What is it about an idea that convinces

a person so resolutely they are correct?

- [i.r.] // [02/07/24]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

It was never my intention to drag you down-

But I cannot be the only one

who feels like they are about to drown.

-mutually assured destruction has never felt so comforting

-[i.r.] // [10.07.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

You looked at me like I was made of glass,

Looking back on it that’s what finally made me shatter.

When you touched me, I felt your fingertips

tremble against my skin, so light sometimes

I wasn’t sure you were there at all.

- [i.r.] // [08.12.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

Loving you may destroy me

but I will gladly do it anyway.

-I broke my own heart before you ever could

- [i.r.] // [07.19.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

I will miss you every moment we are apart. But I know you will come back to me-

that is enough to keep me going.

- [i.r.] // [07.10.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

I would rather be alone than dragged down

with this collapsing illusion of love.

- [i.r.] // [05.20.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

No one taught you how to be wrong.

So you always expected to be right.

Can I really blame you for something

you were never capable of?

- [i.r.] // [04.27.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

From a young age our minds are filled with

false expectations that our lives must be

riveting, we must be grand to matter.

We learn how quickly people fade 

from every memory, thus starting a

desperate attempt to be eternal.

It is near effortlessly to inadvertently 

forget to love the softer aspects of life

in light of trying to create something endless.

Sometimes we all forget to live,

we let experiences pass by attempting

to manifest future happiness.

There is endless love in this world,

sometimes hiding in ways we may

never know, so easily missed out on.

We put so much pressure on ourselves

not to be forgotten and accidentally

forget what it is all for. 

-[i.r.]

[04.22.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

We sit across from one another, on the floor with our legs crossed

as if mirroring the way we acted as children could bring back our innocence.

A partially filled bottle of liquor is the only thing separating us.

It would be such a simple action to close the space

that is keeping me from your touch.

Everytime you breathe the scent of alcohol turns

my stomach, making it difficult to look at you.

Your voice is slurred almost beyond recognition as you tell me

that you do not think you could ever believe in love.

My heart becomes the heaviest thing in the room

as tears burn the corners of my eyes.

I unintentionally pull away at the sound of your words,

looking widely around for anything that is not you.

My lungs burn without oxygen as my chest painfully constricts and

I cannot force the breath from my lips much less words.

And my mind desperately searches for an

explanation to how we ended up like this.

Your hand quivers as you reach for the bottle your glossy eyes shining

with an eerie determination and I cannot do anything

but choke on any attempt to stop you.

- [i.r.]

[02.23.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

In the spaces between my fingers I found your name- like my hands will forever search for you.

- [i.r.]

[02.20.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

As memories swirl around my head I see

fragments of our broken love.

Perhaps we were more infatuated with

the damage we could cause each other,

somehow forgetting that

this was supposed to be love.

- [i.r.]

[01.28.22.]

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

There is an excruciating twisting in my chest

as I watch the love you once had for me

fade like the sky during a sunset.

Slowly then all at once.

- [i.r.]

[01.24.22.]