The more I'm writing about Ferris in the Iron Song, the more I like the wet rat he is (as someone called him recently and now I cannot unsee it hahah), so here go some incorrect quotes from a modern AU where the O'Carricks trio never went through the betrayal arc and Ferris is the chaotic diva of the family
Ferris, sighs: Can I borrow your jacket?
Halt:
Halt:
Halt, squints: ...why?
Ferris: I need to pass as straight today because my boyfriend's family doesn't know yet and we want to make a big reveal on his fuckshit of an aunt's birthday party so until then I need to be his 'super duper straight pal' and I don't know anyone who dresses more boringly or straighter than you
Halt:
Halt: I am literally married to a man
Ferris: I know, right? Such a shame to all queer people you are, in your cargo pants and jacket that screams "gay people scare me"
Halt:
Halt:
Halt: How the fuck am I supposed to help someone so rude??
Ferris:
Ferris: By lending me your jacket, duh
.
Conal, said boyfriend of Ferris (and an OC from the Iron Song fic): And tell me again, sweetheart, why the fuck did you go to a court dressed like...
Ferris: Careful.
Conal: ...
Conal: A very artistic person who likes to make people choke on their drink and look away from them?
Ferris: Good enough
Ferris: We were meeting our father today, to get the last thing over the case of custody of Caitlyn
Ferris: And I didn't want him to notice that Halt transitioned, so I decided if he sees me first and dies out of heartattack he will never get the time to hate crime my brother
Conal:
Conal: Noble
Ferris: Aw thank you
Conal: Did it work?
Ferris: 50/50
Ferris: He had a heart attack all right but as far as I know, they saved him in the hospital
Conal:
Conal: Oh
Ferris: Have you seen my red latex dress lately?
Conal: In my wardrobe. again
Conal:
Conal: Why
Ferris:
Ferris: I need to pay a visit on a hospital
.
Siobhan, Caitlyn’s bff: ...
Siobhan: Why is your brother crying
Caitlyn, not looking up from her phone: Which one?
Siobhan: Ferris
Caitlyn: He is afraid of guns
Siobhan:
Siobhan: Then why the fuck is he on a shooting competition
Caitlyn: He tries to be supportive of Halt's special interest and he refuses to wear camo and is more afraid of helicopters, so all that's left are guns
Siobhan:
Siobhan: ...
Siobhan: I think he's trying to hide under the table
Caitlyn: Again?
.
Halt, coming out as trans to his siblings:
Caitlyn: Awww, I'm so proud of you!
Halt:
Ferris:
Ferris: One question
Halt:
Halt: yes?
Ferris: Can I get your clothes? You had that one super cool dress on your prom
Halt:
Halt: ...
.
Caitlyn, annoyed: Which one of you gremlins stole my mascara again??
Halt:
Ferris:
Halt: Really?
Ferris:
Ferris, who walked in on Cralt having a 'imma do your make up' date, and got threaten with some very bad things done to him if he ever tells anyone:
Ferris:
Ferris: That's unfair
.
Halt: Sooo... I want you to meet my partner...
Ferris:
Caitlyn:
Halt: This is Crowley, he-
Ferris: OH THANK THE FUCK
Ferris, tears in his eyes: He's not straight, omfg, yes, we saved him!
Caitlyn:
Caitlyn:
Ferris:
Ferris: Please go find a girlfriend, Cait, don't let me down
Ferris: The O'Carrick bloodline dies with us!
Halt:
Caitlyn:
Halt:
Caitlyn: I have a son
Ferris: HE CAN STILL BE GAY














