I think having been a shut-in who spent a lot of time avoiding their deep sadness with whatever junk food was available gives me a different relationship to productivity than a lot of people whose life experience has been working in some service job they loathe and always being overwhelmed with chores when they come home. I can't really idealize leisure and large unstructured chunks of time, as much as I've tried at certain points, and I think my life is kind of a case study in why developing tolerance for the voice in your head who judges you for not getting things done is a bad idea. The voice in my head who judges me for not getting things done made some points
I started becoming happier immediately after taking on responsibilities after having a whole era of going... Lol it's so based that I don't need to work and I should just coast on this and get high and listen to new music and message my friends on Discord. I was of course quietly hating myself the whole time, because I knew that my ability to participate in society had decayed, I knew I was a disabled person LARPing a life of abundant leisure, and that if I didn't acclimate to doing hard things I would be trapped forever















