joshua's song blog

a blog of songs I've written, songs I'm writing,and a place where you can suggest song themes or ideas and see if they take flight, courtesy of my own personal crazy, hey, you might even learn a thing or two. enjoy and hear more and more at joshuajesty.bandcamp.com and www.thejoshauweb.net

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: the fucked up in you by these violent young lovers

The Words:

threw all my coins and sense down the wishing well tried to calm myself down but I'm nervous as hell I can't wait to see I can't wait to see we're all a bit fucked up it's true I really like the fucked up in you no more gimmicks nothing crazy no tricks up my sleeve I'd make a good impression if I'd just up and leave but I don't wanna go I don't wanna go we're all a bit fucked up it's true I really like the fucked up in you no real sense of resolve, no the thief wasn't caught had the perfect moment and realized that's all you got but there will be more there will be more we're all a bit fucked up it's true I really like the fucked up in you I like the fucked up in you

The How:

I’m pretty sure this song was recorded at the same time as about 4 or 5 others songs in one day.  You see, I had this fear that I was destined to only ever get one record per band I was in out while we still existed.

If you look through my bandcamp and discography you’ll note that all my bands appear to have multiple releases but in reality my Boston based “Love Scream” as well as my Cleveland based “this is exploding” fellows and I only managed to put out one record each before disbanding.  Any other releases are things I cobbled together via out takes and live recordings.  I’m grateful I took the time to dig into the vaults and pull the good stuff that would’ve otherwise been buried but let’s get back to the main point.  These Violent Young Lovers had one record out.  There are only two of us in the band, and I wanted to get a second record out just to prove to myself that I wasn’t just a one record per band pony.

We recorded a few songs here and there, the record overall is pretty loose and fun and despite its sonic flaws I still enjoy listening to it all the way through once a year because of how loose and free and goofy and random it is.  Missy and I wrote a lot of the songs together on the spot during many of these sessions but I had a small cache of songs I had written from top to bottom that I felt would be good additions to the record.  I also seem to recall that both Missy and I were getting very busy with other projects and I felt a looming threat of there only being half of a shelved record if I didn’t take some measures.

So in one day, MIssy came over to my studio and we spent 4 hours or so with her cutting vocals to songs I had mostly recorded/produced.  I remember it not feeling like our other sessions.  It wasn’t as light and free, it was more like “times’s a wasting, let’s cut these hits”, but Missy humored me and pushed through it, often times reading lyrics for the first time that I had written and signing them and then doing various vocal harmonies and overdubs.

I remember this being on the the last ones we cut and there was a sense of relief in the air.  We did a few more overdubs then on the other tracks of her vocals and called it a day.  When I listen to this song I can’t picture it without her vocals.  There’s a certain energy she’s always added, while these lyrics have a bittersweet quality her performance adds an ambiguity to it, despite the words being sung, there’s more hope and more  life in the song.

The What:

This was one of the four songs I wrote for this record and it’s quite simply about where my head was at at this point in my life regarding relationships.  I had been through a few nasty break ups and losses in my day at this point.  Some had left me baffled and confused, others had left me feeling that I was at fault and was not built right to deserve the kind of relationship that could be fulfilling.  

But here I was, making music and living a live that I was grateful for.  I went out on one online date with someone and we had a great time.  Lots of laughter, lots of stories,lots of joy.  At one point I seem to recall her talking about things that were wrong with her family and things she wanted to improve upon for herself and I said something like “well, you have to find someone who likes the fucked up in you” and then immediately thinking “I need to remember that for a song title”

The date led to one more date and then she honestly and quickly stated that while she appreciated me she couldn’t see any kind of future with me.  Then she reconsidered for a second and then abruptly deleted me off all social media and cut off all communication.  

Instead of running to my lair of endless sadness and writing angry songs about her and all of womankind I found myself completely at peace.  She was honest with me, we had some laughs, there was no foul play and like any good social interaction she left me better then when she found me, even if it was only a few good stories and a few half smiles.  I wasn’t going to give in to grief cause a. it was barely a loss, I didn’t even know her and b. why mourn when I could celebrate the fact that random people connected.  I guess at this age it’s hard to even connect to anyone these days, Social media and cell phones have ruined us.  I’m lucky if I meet 3 people a year these days even though communication is non stop in this society. 

So the body of the song really just discusses the nerves leading up to meeting someone, the nerves of being around that person, and then the aftermath of realizing that you can’t win them all but at some point if you keep your head of and heart full and are honest you’ll come across the one who inspires you, and there’s no reason to begrudge or belittle those that came before on the path to getting you where you are now.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: goodbye lullaby by joshua jesty

The Words:

take the one you love put them back with all the others you don't know how does love remain, when you have to refrain there are storms up ahead, there are storms, in your eyes may we all, sleep soundly, tonight don't sit wondering, when it took a bow one more fruitless search before love was possession, it was something you always had before you made it finite, you never had to lack I don't think I've left you, I don't think you've left me, completely in your darkest days, hold on don't let go no one has to know that real love remains, despite absence, it sustains

The What:

I think this is a beautiful song about letting go of someone or something even though you don’t want to.  How many relationships do we go through where we don’t want them to end.  How many moments or seasons in our lives do we wish we could hold onto?

it’s absurd because time has taught me that things do get better, yet we want to stay in places that are comfortable, be they our senior year in high school or our favorite summer.  Our trip to this place or that.  It is hard to let go, furthermore it is hard to let go when you still love the person, place or time.  

As I have dealt with loss extensively in life and I imagine will continue to do so (as will all of you) here’s the best advice I can give.  Never stop loving, even when the time to love has passed.  If you stop loving then you’re not open to the time that’s unfolding right before you in the now.

I just zen’d you.

The How:

I recall talking to a friend about doing a side project, and there’s something about new that makes me push myself.  Be it a new project, or a new guitar, or a new any kind of energy, it’ll just bring out something that wasn’t there before.

I immediately started messing around with this melody.  It just popped in my head and wouldn’t let its claws out of me.  It was close, it was harsh, it was beautiful.  I kind of got trapped in it for a few days.  Tara and Andrea from Seafair and also from being awesome came over and we tracked the song “hovering” for about an hour until we got it right.  Then I had them just add flourishes to this track.  I don’t think they practiced it before I hit record and I don’t think we did another take.  We didn’t need to.  There’s something in the tension of lacking clarity that fit the song.  They took guesses and stabbed at the notes and it was beautiful and harsh just like this song felt to me at the time.  Then I think we chased my rabbit around and they got to hold her... that adorable destroyer of worlds.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: Can We Break Up Yet? by It Comes in Waves

the lyrics: are on the bandcamp link.  You should click through and like the whole record, download it on the bandcamp or if you’re a fan of noisetrade you can download there for free (and tip if you like... I like your tips)

http://noisetrade.com/joshuajesty/can-we-break-up-yet

the how: Well, it’s been a hot minute since I updated this blog because I was busy working and then not working and then really working on this project.  This is a band I was in called “it comes in waves”.  It was part of the Cleveland Lottery League.  A unique project that was started back in 2008 I believe by a bunch of dudes sitting around who had an idea.  The concept is simple and flawed and beautiful and terrible and a mess and wonder all at once.  Take 4 or so Cleveland musicians who have never played together before, make them form a band for a few months and perform a 10 minute set of whatever they come up with.

I been able to do this all 4 times that the Lottery League has existed.  In 2008 I was in a band called Bourbon Outfitters that at first I thought was going to break up because I was touring quite a bit as was one of our other members.  But on the night I showed up to practice to announce my departure from the band we ended up writing and recording a song on the spot that was a true collaborative song called “I won a prize”.  I wrote the verse and my bandmate Ken wrote the Chorus, the other members all contributed their flourishes and I was hooked.  We co wrote a few other songs that were goofy and fun and we joked around quite a bit.   When we performed “I won a prize” we won the room over the night of the “big show” but then the rest of our material just wasn’t as strong, that being said it was still great.

The next project in 2010 was called “the newdicals” and it was weird.  It was 5 of us and we couldn’t figure out anything to do common ground wise until I suggested that we just act out 10 minutes of the breakfast club.  Then costumes got involved, then silly musical music got involved, then lots of swearing got involved because of how frustrating the creative process was.  Then the swearing turned to laughing and then we had 4 people assisting us with various props and sets and it turned into a 10 minute belch of creativity, vulgarity, childishness, and joy.  On our last song called “don’t row away” (which we modeled after “don’t you forget about I me”  I, dressed as a fox, sang the last verse before the chorus which I felt summed up the whole event and how I felt about life at the time

“here we are, stuck on this island, no escape plan no place to go

a prep a jock a fox and a pickle and a sea monster that felt alone

I think we really learned something today despite our differences we can all be friends

that’s life you know, it goes and it blows but when the good times come hold the %#&$ on and hope they never end”

in 2013 I was drafted into a band that was named “Hot Dignity” after I attempted to text one of the members of the band “hot diggity”.  It was that easy to name and it was that east to play with them.  We all just kind of locked in.  We would jam on various riffs and ideas and sometimes I’d bring an idea and sometimes someone else would.  We wrote something close to 10 or 11 substantial ideas but settled on 4 songs, a few of which I’m very proud of and wish we had recorded back in the day... but never got around to.

This year it was “it comes in waves”.  We came to the name via the drummer suggesting it and everyone else feeling okay enough to go with it.  That was the vibe initially, just kind of... “meh.. I guess”.  We were all excited to meet each other but our first jam session/practice didn’t really produce anything.  It was really hard to feel excited when we were all tired and all had to fight our way through a snow storm that had just happened.  There was a weird feeling that no ones voice was coming through on anything we did jam wise or musically.  

It was also very hard to find time to get together.  With previous lotto league bands I felt like everyone stepped outside and away from their band in order to focus on the lotto band and be in the moment.  None of us stepped aside from our projects and various commitments for a second.  Our lotto league band was the last thing on most of our minds.  You could feel it in the energy in the room, you could see it in the lack of email communication, we were abundantly “blah”.

we had one practice where the energy seemed to be there and we wrote the music for what became “tanzler”  It was loud and bombastic and I could hear the chorus melody.  The rest was a pummelling of distorted guitar and pounding drums with the faint breath of the accordion coming through in the cell phone recording I made of it.

at one point, with no seeming direction, I took a few of our ideas and wrote songs to them.  2 to be exact, and I took one of our Accordionists suggestions for using more minor chords and wrote a 3rd song that was based around them.  Out of the 3, it seemed like no one wanted to touch any of them.  But eventually with some prodding and poking we settled on using one of the songs I had written based off our jams which became “have some hope”

For the final song only three of us were in the room as the accordionist couldn’t make it (remember... busy) and we decided to try and write something together that involved minor chords in her honor.  By the end of writing it the guitarist had gone home and it was just the drummer and I hammering out the arrangement.  I could hear the chorus in this one too.  This song eventually became ladder.

With the three songs loosely outlined, I wrote lyrics, called up an engineer friend of mine and scheduled a day to record them.  The bandmates were all over the board.  One was excited, one reluctant, one whatever.  So we all went over to my friend Bart Kosters studio and in one day we laid down the Drums, Bass, Accordion, and Guitar.  It was a 9 hour day.  As each person laid down their parts the songs became much more real, much more structured and tangible.  No longer crumby cell phone demos that sounded half finished.  Everyone started to feel an energy as the tracks built up, you could feel excitement for the first time since we had started this project.  There was something there.

I went in the next day and laid down vocals in 2 hours and we ran with it.  Later on at the end of the week we found ourselves practicing looking over the lake, these new completed songs, our new found confidence in playing them shone through.  The weather was warm and we watched the sun set together after kicking ass at rehearsal for a few hours.  It was a far cry from the first practice where we snowed in and tired and crabby and directionless.  We played our one and possibly only show the next day to an excited and wonderful crowd.  I forgot a few lyrics and the pause that happens on “ladder”, there was some slop, but there was a lot of passion and joy for the 10 minutes that we played.  It was a strange roller coaster to ride with this band as it only went up and will never have a chance to go down in my eyes.  “can we break up yet” our 3 song EP started out as something I said seriously because of the fatigue I was feeling form the project and became a funny thing to say and kind of a sad thing to say.  As we walked off the stage pushing each other as if we were fighting I grabbed a stool and chucked it onto the stage, a wimpy non destructive gesture of power, truly rock n roll, but not at all.  It’s strange, we were truly a great band, but almost not at all.  I’m very happy these recordings exist.

The What:

Tanzler is about Carl Tanzler.  Look him up, it’s a good nightmare read.  Though I think he’s a figure that should be studied in our “looking at people through social media and obsessing over them culture” that’s become more and more of a thing.  There’s a limit.  Don’t cross the Tanzler line.  I have a lot of songs about obsession and possession cause it’s such the opposite of love and support.  It is a fun yin and yang to explore.

Have some Hope: is about how cheated I feel by our government and our political process... also how powerless we are.  Maybe if we keep raising our voices.... but wait, survivor is on.

Ladder: Is a song to my girlfriend who is fighting Leukemia and kicking its ass.  We are going to get over this, and I will never give up fighting for and with you.  I love you.  I hope others will find comfort in this message of support.  While I can’t say I wrote the song about everyone, I know that no matter what you may be fighting personally, there is someone in your life who will not give up on you too.  Sometimes during these struggles it’s hard to see anyone amongst the fog of sadness but they are there.  Never give up.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: limits of a pop song by Love Scream

On Saturday March 12th, 2016 not only did we lose an hour of sleep when we all needed it the most, but 4 guys who hadn’t been in the same room together in over 13 years took the stage in a little bar in cleveland called the “5 o’ clock lounge” and played a full set of songs they all mostly hadn’t touched in those 13 years...  It was nostalgia and it was taking of the old and making it new again, if just for one night.

I was in this band from the age of 18-22.  and I’m only 26 now so how 13 years went by is beyond me.... time does fly.  

There were nerves galore, there was laughter, there was the energy of having 4 people who used to make music click in together again after all this time.  There were so many sublime moments and it was an amazing time.  My voice was shot, I wasn’t the fierce front man I used to be as I had been out of practice for a few months.  We weren’t the same band who was as goofy and determined as we once were.  We were something different, something better, something unique and of it’s own moment.  Every time you take the stage you don’t want to be going through the motions, or fighting back stage fright.  You want to be elevating your thought and action and all those playing with you and watching you.  

this show felt like it had so much weight and expectation attached to it both personally and with the crowd that showed up.  It was great to play the hits one more time with my brothers.  It was great to be in the same room with 4/6ths of “the feel bads” and 4/5th’s of “this is exploding” as well as all of Love Scream and to feel the love from all the friends and family that came out.  It was like a big birthday party that I never wanted to end.  

and that my friends is what a reunion show should be all about.  A big party that you don’t want to ever end.  Not necessarily a big pay check or a way to phone in and cash in on others nostalgia for the way things were, but a way to say “hey, it’s the same as it ever was” and “it was always pretty cool, and it’s pretty cool now too”.

I was given an incredible gift by my friends Josh, Owen, and Dan, and I’m grateful for it every day.  

I also finally got off my duff and released the last 3 things we ever recorded which makes our catalog complete.  This is one of those songs.  When we recorded it I remember being so angry and sad because I knew it was our last song together and I never wanted it to end then.  Now that I see what’s unfolded since I know it had to end, and I know what became of us after the band was pretty great for all of us.  To come back together again was huge and absolutely not necessary.

but that’s the thing with all of it my friends.  None of it is necessary.  The yelling about politics, the cheeseburger on a krispy creme doughnut bun, the police brutality, parking tickets, sports.   None of it means anything unless you put your value and your heart into it.  

I chose to put my value my value and my heart into making music and I’ve never looked back.  I could tell you how I wish I had more financial security and how I wish I had more things together on this or that adult path.  But I’m fine.  We’re all fine

Sure, maybe my music doesn’t matter to you in the slightest.  Maybe paintball or coding matter to you.  Follow your heart.  I’ve been following mine for a long time and it’s elevated me and the ones I love immensely.  I guess I shouldn’t speak for others, but for me, it’s been all good.

I was very fortunate to have this reunion with my Love Scream boys and I want to thank them and everyone else who came and saw and played a part in our history and our newest piece of history.  I love and thank you all and I will treasure that night for the rest of my days and look forward to so many more nights that I will get to treasure.

be well

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: good news, I'm a nobody by Joshua Jesty

the Words:

word on the street is, you don't wanna date nobody in this town good news is I'm a nobody you've been with every kind of type and they've all just brought you down good news is I'm a nobody there's nothing I can do, to take anything away from you so you might as well hang out with me just a little while longer please maybe next time tired of all the games they play like your heart is some lost and found good news is I'm a nobody tired of saying I'm sorry, tired of being judged as a clown good news is I'm a nobody word on the street is you don't wanna date nobody in this town good news is I'm a nobody good news is I'm a nobody bad news is I don't wanna be nobody to you

the What:

there’s nothing quite like wit and self deprecation to make a song here or there.  This was simply a retort I said to myself in reply to a statement one of my female friends made about “never wanting to date nobody in this town ever again”.  

it’s a very simple sweet song with the best of intentions and the fullest of acknowledgements that the person singing this knows full well that there’s no chance he’ll be considered for courtship.

It kind of hits all sides of the spectrum.  On one hand, it’s sincere, on the other it’s tongue in cheek, there’s hope, there’s sadness.  It’s sweet and sour... and chicken.

the How:

written in a few minutes, I picked up a cheap banjo I had just acquired and then quickly laid it down.  I wish I had been more disciplined and gotten a better take.  I’ve tried to re record this song a few times, then forgotten about it, then tried again.  As of now, for all its flaws, I feel that this is the best take I’ve gotten, or at least the most honest and immediate take of it, right at its conception, when I felt it and related to it the most.  I want feeling people, not perfect pitch... though I’ll take that and feeling if I can get it.

One day I’ll get it right.  One thing I’ve found worth doing if you’re doing a solo acoustic number, whether you’re performing it into a 10,000 dollar mic or a cell phone, take the time to really do as many takes as it takes to get the right performance.  You’ll thank yourself later.  I used to rush so many of my recordings in the excitement of having written something, but I encourage you to take your time with the songs.  look at old session logs from the beatles or the beach boys.  Even with stellar musicians on hand there were often 12-20 takes before the one with the right feel was captured.  That’s the art of recording.  Sure, we can pitch correct and quantize everything until it sounds perfect, even if a band is terrible... and that’s one art for sure.... but committing a performance to tape that you’ll never have to question.... take Jeff Buckley’s interpretation of “hallelujah”... even if we all found out they had to correct one or two notes using studio magic it wouldn’t take away from how breathtaking that particular performance is.  It’s undeniable.  We need more of that back in the ears of listeners.  So take the time to make it breathtaking.  Do don’t as I did.  Get it right and you’ll never have it wrong.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: Nothing by Love Scream

the Words:

you’re always there for me, I finally feel happy

you’ve showed me what I can be and I want to pay you back

I’ll help you find that someone, help you accomplish your goals

I’ll take you where you’re going, I’ll even shovel your snow

and though I’m probably not your type, something seems to feel so right

I wanna be with you forever, we could dance and sing, I hope we grow old together, and sit around and do nothing

you never complained or whined, or slapped me until I hurt

you’ve never thrown me down the stairs or called me a jerk

it might sound way to simple or to plain

but thinking about you drives me insane

and though I’m not going anywhere it’s true

since I’m going nowhere, I’d like to get there with you

the What:

I’m pretty sure I wrote this song when I was 16 or 17.  There’s a couple older recordings I made of the song before the boys of Love Scream put their coat of polish on it.  As I recall we needed a few more songs to finish our full length, and we dug back into my catalog to do so.  I’m grateful we did this in some ways, and in other ways I wish we would’ve used a few of the songs Josh Kaler wrote.  They were different, but I always liked the idea of having a band that had multiple song writers in it.  And not just the “I write 11 songs and you get the one at the end of the record no one listens to” kind of deal, I mean the half and half, beatles all the way... hell, give the drummer one once and awhile.... even Ringo.  

There’s a lot of amatuer hour in these lyrics.  They shoot all over the place but do land on a nice sentiment of wanting to be committed to someone.  I will say, coming from a lower middle class family, and watching my grandparents as well as my parents who had what I felt were great relationships kind of showed me something crucial.  If you’re in love, but you don’t have money, you don’t really go anywhere or do anything.  You just kind of sit around and love one another and are grateful.  If you’re not happy, you fight all the time, and I would assume if you were rich, you could go anywhere all the time and most likely fight all the time too.  But there’s this happy but boring middle, where you care for one another, you eat some pizza, you laugh with each other, and that’s about the extent of it.  Even at 16 when I wrote this it seemed like the top of the mountain to me... oh such ambition!

of course there’s even my self fulfilling prophecy line about “not going anywhere it’s true”... how nice of me to acknowledge that so early on.... I’m a treat.

the How:

as Mentioned above we added this song to our list of songs to record for our full length right near the end.  We pulled this song and another older song of mine “jelingwits” from a record I had made by myself right before coming to berklee.  It was a night and day difference recording and performance wise.  

Kaler added the guitar line that is in the middle section, it’s not quite a solo, but it is.  Then we as a band arranged it so it reprises at the end and I move to harmonics on the guitar and it comes into it’s own as all four of us work to separately but together to build to the songs ending in a way that slowly gels together until it’s a cohesive punch.

I remember being very against doubling my vocals.  I still don’t like to do it that often.  Many times early on when I’d try it I’d find myself searching for a harmony that I couldn’t find and ultimately, making my two vocal lines sound like dying seagulls that wouldn’t quite quit.  The engineer, Rich Mendelson, got me to perform the chorus multiple times and was able to compile a doubled vocal throughout a lot of the song.  Oh what a stubborn lad I was back then.  

It was a good song, we made it sound really good.  My only regret is that of course after releasing the record this band Love Scream would go on to write and record about 4 or 5 more songs, all of which I felt were better than this song.  

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I urge every band starting out to make your first record and then throw it away... or at least put it aside until you see what you’re starting to write next.  You’ll always like what’s next and then you’ll be kicking yourself saying “why didn’t this make the record we JUST put out?” it happens 9 times out of 10 I promise.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: Down to a T by Love Scream

the Words:

my baby she wants me so badly to haunt the

spaces where she’s at currently

my tastebuds, they taste here my eyes they retrace her

my want is greater than my need

I’m not from this town hey baby 

you got the glamour thing down

to a T

let me be in season

if it was up to me

change all of my reason

my good suit, needs washing and you need that something

I can only give and I will

my ears they hear her whisper, my touch it makes her shiver

her want is greater than her need

and the world won’t matter anyway

when we figure it out and go away

so what’s the different if we set limits now

I smell her sweet perfume

my need is greater than these walls

the What:

This is the first hit single off of Love Screams “more songs about the reproductive cycle”.   Just kidding.  But it is the song that seemed to move us towards recording this record, and getting as far as we did as a band.  I think it got some airplay on a few college radio stations.  Remember those?  

I wrote this song while walking around the city of Boston, people watching and going nowhere.  I have written an awful lot of melodies while walking, I recommend it to anyone stuck in a funk writing wise.  Put down your instrument, stop worrying about it and start walking.  eventually, you let go and your mind starts wandering, you start composing thoughts in a new and unique way... your feet start to set a pace and sometimes, you start to hear a song that you haven’t heard before.  I can’t remember the details of writing this song... no exact dates or times.  I just know I sat down and wrote it, and it felt better than anything else I had written up to that point.  I remember showing it to my band mates and we worked a long time on the arrangement of the song.

from a writing standpoint, I get that it’s no van gogh.  IT’s just me talking about different senses and feeling out of place and missing my girlfriend and seeing other people walk down the street that I’d like to know.  A big mish mash of thoughts that I feel somehow manages to hold onto a shred of cohesion.

the How:

we were originally asked to be a band to record for a recording class at Berklee College of music.  We went into the class and performed the song and the teacher of the class liked the song so much that he asked us to come back and record for another class.  Our relationship built until he agreed to record a full length record for us at an astoundingly low (but still astronomically high to us) rate.  The recording you hear featured us tracking drums and bass in a studio and then all the guitars and vocals were cut at the producer/engineers house.  For the recording, our guitarist Josh Kaler handled all the guitar parts.  I’m not featured at all other than my voice.  I was a little butt hurt about it, and throughout the record I can hear certain parts of mine mixed down and such.  I completely understand that I was a weaker guitarist back then, but I never thought I was racoon in a blender bad.  I remember so many of those recording sessions, and I remember how we attempted to play this song once without me playing guitar and how I flailed around worse than a mid 90′s michael stipe  That’s all the fun background noise.  One day I’ll play some music with those boys again.  They were my favorite.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: She Doesn't Know by joshua jesty

the Words:

something in her eyes makes me feel so sad I can see that spark that I'll never have oh sure she smiles at me as she passes by but she won't give me anytime woe is me if only longing could move the sea she doesn't know she doesn't know she doesn't know how she breaks my heart she still has my heart no it's not all bad if there is another I'll come and take it back but I have my doubts someone will come by who gives me that kind of high woe is me if only longing could make her see

the What:

as a songwriter I think it’s important to listen to everything.  As a creator, you have to find where everything came from.  The beatles had influences, just as Buddy Holly had influences, just as everyone else has.  Yes, there’s a lot of history out there, and you can’t be blamed for going from the cliff notes regarding styles and genres that you might not care for as much.  All I know is that a few years of listening to “the girl from ipanema” and the occasional Sting song in an odd meter resonated with me so much so that one day I just picked up the guitar while in the middle of a very prolific streak and this started to come out.  It was complex but it was easy to hum the chorus.  It moved along and lingered with a certain sadness tinted with hope yet is mathematically switched from 5/4 to 6/8 it was everything opposite of the types of songs I was writing at the time, and I loved it, every last second of it.  This is a song that wrote itself, but only after years of research, years of crafting, and years of letting go and accepting that sometimes when you’re in the moment and song comes, you just have to put down your thoughts about what it should be and let it unfold.

the How:

I recorded this song very quickly and then thought about it for a long time.  A year passed and I slowly got around to getting my friend Jim Metzendorf to track saxophones at the end of the song, a first for me.  He played a few different solos and I ended up just leaving them both on the track cause they seemed to call and answer very nicely without any intent from Jim.  Then re tracked my drums, attempting to not only make them better sonically, but to make the performance just a little more tighter and also less flashy.  It’s a complex rhythm but it didn’t need to be known as such by the casual listener.  I then got my friend Taylor Sue Nagy to record vocals.  Originally, though I didn’t convey this properly to her, I wanted her to sing the whole song as the lead vocalist, as I was going for a “girl from ipanema” feel.  She ended up contributing background vocals, which ultimately makes it easier for me to call it a “joshua jesty” song I suppose.    

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: I like kissing you by joshua jesty

the Words”

I like kissing you I like running my hands up and down your back feels like the first and the very last gasp I'll ever take each time hey there enigma I wanna spin you round and round and round hey there vampire I wanna spin you round and round and round I like kissing you I like running my hands up and down your back take the blues I feel and make them black throw some stars in and call it a night hey there actress I wanna spin you round and round and round hey there bad dancer I wanna spin you round and round and round round and round and round I like kissing you I like running my hands up and down your back falling for you like some hopeless sap god help me you feel like home

The What:

behold... old man Jesty going soft right before your ears.  This is a very autobiographical song that’s so true it hurts.  Many of my songs have elements from people, places, and things I’ve experienced throughout my life interspersed but this song is just one love letter to one girl.  If she leaves me I’ll totally say it was about someone else :P

a simple song of knowing when you’ve found someone of substance who you can build something with.  This was a strange song to write because we had most likely only known each other for a few months at that point, but you know what they say, when you know, you know.  The only time I performed it live was for her on a Sunday morning after she had stayed the night, and it didn’t get the standing ovation I was hoping for.  It got more of the quiet “damn, this boy is serious” kind of response that didn’t mean I’d never see her again, i just took it to mean that I should perhaps keep all my songs about her to myself for the time being.  some girls just aren’t DTHSWAT  (down to hear songs written about them) so early on in a courtship.

the How:

guitar, voice, room.  perform it a handful of times until you’ve mastered it, and then keep the take that sounds the most natural and real, despite a few warts.  You don’t want the robot take, nor do you want the one riddle with insecurity.  

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: you're the worst by joshua jesty

the Words:

I want to tell you you look so good I'm tired and restless and rarely understood you walk away sometimes cause you don't believe me I lose my head sometimes cause you just won't leave me and it hurts it hurts baby, you're the worst I try to temper the tempest when you're not around you're hovering in that sky while I'm down here losing ground I burn for you and while it sounds obscene each time you pass by me you're like gasoline and it hurts it hurts baby, you're the worst have a glass of wine raise your glass up high here's to you making me feel like I've wasted, all this time I want to tell you you look so good

the What:

the premise of the song is simple, yet dark to me.  While it is a love song, it is one of longing for someone you can’t have.  While the one you can have might be “the best” the one you can’t is “the worst”.  Mostly because they begat that weird sting of “wny not?”  they leave more questions then answers, and they pop up in your mind more often then the ones right in front of you offering their support and affection.

to provide context, I should say that I was in a relationship that I wasn’t happy with and I didn’t have the balls to bow out.  That’s perhaps why I haven’t made it as far as I feel I should in many aspects of my life, cause I will often defer to not having to take huge risks are have painful conflicts.  As often as they can and should be avoided, there are times when there’s no way around them.  Many times in relationships my eyes will wander, I don’t know who can remain with the horse blinders on in all relationships.  We all have moments of doubt, no matter how strong and secure we feel in our relationships or various bubbles of comfort.  It’s good to question things, it’s good to grow.  It’s a terrifying thing when you question things and find out that the answer is clearly to not be with someone whom you’ve attempted to build a foundation with.  

in my case fate and curiosity led me to not only write a song but to associate my salvation from one relationship being in the hands of someone else.  It was a futile state of mind and a theory that quickly crumbled underneath me.  The sad part is that it lingered and I lingered in it for far to long.  

had I lived that part of my life with any form of principle and conviction this song might not exist, and since I like the song that would be a shame.  But to put myself and others through the ringer because I couldn’t be direct makes me sad to this day.  Still, here lies the consequences of my action in song form, and it’s a fine song.

The How:

I had made a demo of this song a few years back and established most of the element early on.  I wasn’t happy with the way I played the drums on the demo at all and so for the next 2 years whenever I was around a drum kit I would practice the drum beat that I wanted for the song, very specific ghost notes across the snare while maintaining a very forceful feel.  

When I went back to retrack the drums I nailed it in one take (after 2 years of practice mind you) and I ultimately slowed down the tempo to allow more of hte atmospheric elements to permeate  and flourish throughout the track.  There are lots of guitars and zero keyboards on this track, jumping in and out.  Attempting to convey a message both loving and sinister.  

I had a teacher look over this song and he called the guitar solo an “anti solo” and that’s fine by me.  It’s several simple elements working around each other.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: Get Lost by joshua jesty

the Lyrics:

say you wanna get lost with me say you wanna get lost say you wanna get lost with me say you'll never tell anyone, of all the things we have done promise that you'll break the promises you made to the last one say my songs are stuck in your head, say you don't feel like the undead take a chance, and don't regret a single thing and don't try and silence whats best left unsaid just know you don't say you've found your home in me unless you're coming home say I didn't mean anything to you say I'm not your friend tell me I was making it all up yeah it was just something I was imagining or say you're stuck in my mind say you're trapped in my heart say as we go crashing into the ground that we really oughta stop, falling apart just know you don't say you've found your home in me unless you're coming home

the What: 

a simple song that I wrote several years ago and just kind of let sit on a shelf.  I  have always enjoyed this song and never wanted to hide it... I’ve been playing it at solo shows for years now.  For me, the song describes a very specific point I had reached in several relationships.  It’s that point of being on the edge of jumping off into the unknown with someone.  There’s that perfect mix of excitement and worry that gives you more adrenaline than you need.... all the sudden you go to work or school and feel like you can lift the whole building up.  At the same time, it can go either way and the next day you can be excited or devastated.  I’ve always wanted to get in a car and just drive around and see sites with someone... at least if I listen to a bunch of my songs over the years that’s the impression I get.  Really the song builds from being close with someone to realizing that there’s only two possible outcomes at this point, bliss or destruction... It’s a scary place to take a relationship, people get hurt, people get confused.  My ultimate conclusive statement in the song “you don’t say you’ve found your home in me, unless you’re coming home” is based on a real experience I had in which someone told me they felt like I was “home” to them but then never wanted to talk to me again.  It’s perfectly okay to change ones mind after saying anything, but that’s are hard statement to hear and believe and then have to reconfigure your brain to believe you never heard it at all.  That’s where a lot of the push and pull of this song comes from.

the How:

I knew the song had to have that traveling feel to do, so partnered a steady drum machine with my unsteady drumming to pulse along and I organized the guitar part so that the steady and constant picking would propel things a long. Meanwhile the bass acts as a steady anchor only landing every so often in the verses and picking up a little more in the chorus to add more movement.  A bunch of effects for the guitars were achieved through a pod amp simulator and using various objects in my room as slides for the strings.  There are a lot of layers of guitar on this track as well as simple chorus of vocals that just hits time to time.  My incredible friend David Sheaffer at Corpse Mountain Studios mixed this track to perfection and I’m forever thankful to him for doing so.  he brought out all the layers and allowed them to slip in and out and around the vocal.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

(joshuajesty)

the words:

it's the part of the conversation where it's clear it should be ending oh there's nothing left to say right now I start to stumble over words that just won't come cause I don't, wanna leave on a bad note if I can't get this right If I can't get this right if I can't get this right now will you still let me mess up other parts of your life it's that moment in the evening where it's clear we should be leaving or there's nothing left to do for now my hands start to tremble there's an ache in my temple cause I don't, wanna leave on a bad note

the What: 

here we have a song that covers about 4 seconds of someones life that gets revisited over and over again you’d think it was a vacation destination.  I only know this came about not because of a specific experience, but due to many moments where I watched a conversation with someone that was lighting a fire in my imagination start to flicker and fade and memories of taking random swings at words or ideas that wouldn’t come out right just to keep the flailing conversation from going off the rails.  It’s a simple song about the kind of moment that can haunt one for awhile with the ghost of “what if I said this instead”

the How:

this was recorded in my very quick fashion of playing everything.  I left a small space open between the chorus and the second verse and had my pal Mike Miles play a little two bar slice of heaven on it.  It’s one of the only times I’ve had someone who plays live with me on a recording in the past few years.  I got bad at collaboration after getting so into following my own muse.  There’s something to be said about collaboration, and I appreciated it, but after years and years of recording by myself I can hear a song in its entirety before I press record.  I know the drums have to start like they did, a rapid blast of excitement and nervous energy that sets up the feel of the song immediately, the guitars that play simply but hold down the fort while the bass guitar runs around in search of an answer it never seems to find.  I revisited the original recording about a year later and what you’re hearing dear listener is the result of me remixing and cleaning it up.  I added another guitar or two (to thicken the sound, not to alter the chordal movement) and I added small little flourishes like keyboard pads in the chorus.  They’re subtle, but they push the chorus up to another level and make it hit just a little more, which is what the engineer is always looking for.  I’ve been slowly remixing most everything off of the second ep “I love you question mark” but I know in my heart of hearts I can do better... I pushed myself to meet a deadline which got it done... but at a sonic cost. A SONIC COST!  but hey, as long as there’s time, there’s time to fix it ya know.  

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: some other someone by Joshua Jesty

the Words:

some other someone who sings about your silhouette and lets you steal the scene some other someone who sells you on their sweetness and sends you sailing upstream some other someone whose sermon sends you spirit soaring up our your seat some other someone who sets you in his sights and then takes the time to see he'll take the place of me some other someone who seances summon up the spec tors that surround some other some who sucks up all the salt water when you start to drown some other second hand smokers whose cigarettes smell of cloves and sage some other silly boy with a simple sign and salary who surely acts his age he'll take the place of me I don't know what to say if you want to hear a lie, then I'm okay some other someone whose super human senses bring salvation to your soul some other someone who singes off the screams that I couldn't get you to let go some other solider of love and or sport who supports every line in your script someone unlike me who only took and could never give

the What:

Alliteration and Alienation?  Are you Arduously Amourous and Awkward?  Then this is the song for you.  Written in one quick night after I got to play the role of the guy who didn’t get the girl.  I remember driving home and feeling like I was so distant from someone I thought I was so close to.  There was some other someone by her side ready to make her laugh and take care of her, and I would never have a chance.  At the same time, I was painfully aware of past relationships and how prior flames of mine had moved onward and upward towards what they wanted.  I can and can’t accept it all at once.  When you break up with someone who you’ve been close to for a while you always have that feeling of wanting them to have the happiest life they can, and you’d also like to see them homeless and in a ditch just so you can be a million percent sure you made the right choice in moving forward... cause if they were to happy then that’s happiness you should rightfully be squelching am I right?  Where was I... oh yes, right here.  I was driving home from an initial and painful feeling of rejection and I wrote this during the car ride home, got to my house, and recorded it in one night.

the How:

the recording in and of itself was a simple two mics, one against me and one against my mandolin process.  I didn’t check for phasing or anything else, I just put the mics up close and sang my feelings.  The Mandolin was a recent craigslist purchase at the time, and it’s a junky old thing that’s doesn’t stay in tune and I haven’t re strung in the 6 years I’ve owned it.  You can often tell when I’ve acquired a new instrument because it suddenly appears on several songs immediately.  I don’t know how or why, but there is something special to picking up a new instrument, in the case of the mandolin, it’s completely different than the guitar and it forces you to change the way you play.  Any thing that shakes up the rules and forces you to push through in a new way is going to lead to some surprising and new results.  If you’re a writer, I recommend doing anything and everything to put yourself in new and unique situations, be it with new instruments, rules, or collaborators.  There results will always surprise you.  

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: Hootenanny at the end of the world by joshua jesty

the Words: 

you bring your girls I'll bring my boys stay up all night and make some noise the world is dark but I'll rejoice let's pretend we have a choice we all just feel alone and life is overblown my mind can't wrap itself around the why and what of now you bring some music and I'll bring mine we act awkward around each other all the time we communicate in silence just fine hang a cross or cross a line has it really come to this I really like you miss my mind can't wrap itself around the why and what of now while you and I are still aboard let's dance cause it's going down darling, as the world draws to an end just know you've got a friend to turn to when the skin starts pealing off darling, as the end draws near no need to fear we can have one last kiss before we kiss our ass goodbye

the What:  This is a song off of an insta collaboration record I did a few years back called “Finally, Joshua Jesty has friends”  where I invited over random friends and musicians and we would write and record a song in about 2-4 hours.  Some collaborations lead to other things (these violent young lovers started as a result of this and I’ve co wrote with Matt Dargaj on and off for about 6 years now).  Mikey Machine came over and I was honored to get work with him.  We went in a sort of folk banjo out on a the porch direction with the music quickly and I immediately threw some words to it based on what the atmosphere was like and we got to work.  At one point, my recording computer froze and there was the fearful moment when you wonder if you’ve lost everything but no fair reader... before you hyperventilate yourself to despair I assure you all was well.  It was an effortless and very fun session as I recall.  Mikey played banjo and accordion and some percussion which got mixed all to quietly as well as sang background vocals.  What a fun concept.  I tried to repeat this in 2012 but didn’t have as much luck getting people to come out... hopefuly this will happen again.

the How:  the How and the What are nearly the same... actually I’m doing this all wrong... the How was explained above. The what is explained here... why you ask?  My blog, my folly.  I don’t know what it was but the music lead me to think about a simple country folk type town where they were just bumming around sipping lemonade and awaiting the world ending and not making to big a deal about it.  Of course there’s still a guy in the song who can’t quite get it out that he has his eye on a pretty young thing and in the meantime he can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that the world is actually ending.  Which pretty much sounds like our current presidential race so hey, look at thinking it would be good to write a song or two about bleak times just in case they came about.

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: hate to say it by joshua jesty

the Words: 

I may be the fool and I may mean nothing to you but all the traffic in my head stops when you cross my mind despite all the stormy weather you just keep getting better and I hate to say it but I'm in love you got that spark you got that glow I should know I see it as you walk away I don't want a soul to think he's obsessed with her but you just keep getting better and I hate to say it but I'm in love when you take a chance and get close you either build a prison or a home when it comes to you that's a "what if" I want to know I hate to say it but I'm in love I'm in love

the What:

I”m a sucker for a good love song.  One of my favorite moments in writing is when I come up with a tune that doesn’t seem like I actually wrote it.  Further more, there’s moments when I write a song, such as this one, where it’s not only a song that I wanted to write, it’s a song I needed to hear.  As if I subconsciously give myself the best advice when I write.  I know I give better advice in these moments of calm and creativity to myself then I do when I’m say, throwing a game controller on the ground and using all the cuss words plus several that I’ve patented myself.  This was a song that I ended up recording a year or so before I even go around to making the record it was released on.  I was almost embarrassed by it at the time or perhaps confused.  Here I was singing that I was in love with someone, and yet there was no someone.  I was always struck with the song “fake plastic trees” by radiohead, because in my mind the only purpose the song served was the final lines “if I could be who you wanted”.  The rest of it was pretty much clever nonsense to with emotional strings behind it, but I wanted to listen to it over and over again.  So I knew it was poignant, despite all the nonsense around it the message of that song was clear.  I don’t know if the message of this song is entirely clear cause it’s a perfectly good love song, but the middle section is where the butter is for me.  It was more of an honest assessment of some of my prior relationships and what I wanted for my future, and what I wanted for all my friends and loved ones.  There’s a good chance what you try to build with someone will not turn out the way you envisioned it.  There’s a chance it might become a prison or a latrine.  But you have to take the chance, knowing that if you learn enough from each relationship, you can actually build something of substance with someone that you’ll hang onto long after the infatuation burns out.

the How: I demo’d this song and then didn’t do much with it afterwards for a good year or so.  When I finally came back to it cause I felt it was time and it fit the record I was making I had to re-record my lead vocals and I smoothed out the background vocal pad that hovers throughout the song.  It’s just my voice layered several times and then looped.  I always liked that effect in 10cc’s I’m not in love.  This was by no means a recreation of that, but it was the effect that I wanted.  I was really proud of the mix I did for this song.  I like how it manages to build up throughout the song... I suppose some of that is arrangment.  It’s always fun to come back to something you’ve demo’d really quickly, and keep the best bits of it and re record things that are lacking, or put in new ideas that weren’t there the first pass around.  I used to think that was “george lucas”ing it, and it some ways, yes, you’re tampering with an original idea you had.  The glaring difference is I don’t have millions of people world wide who will notice these kinds of changes (yet) and become fanatic when I add a little extra or take out something.  But if you find 5 changes in songs that I’ve made online, email me the song titles and what they are and I’ll mail you a prize.... maybe even a sweater....full of ghosts

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: I'm into you by joshua jesty

the What:  lyrically, I can picture different people and instances that crossed through my mind but nothing specific.  There’s a lust and a desperation and a confidence and a confusion strewn throughout the words, they go back and forth and end up in simple declaration.  My favorite part of this song is that these lyrics are nothing more than a 60′s pop song, you see susie down by the dime candy store and you throw a glance her way and say “hey, you look nice”.  However, you set it to this kind of music and the tone changes drastically.

the How: this riff came out of buying a $60 guitar that would not for the life of it stay in tune.  I bought it on impulse cause I liked the color and I’m a sucker for cheap guitars.  I once read something Jon Brion said that was to the effect of “if I had 1000 dollars, I wouldn’t buy one thousand dollar snare drum, I’d buy ten hundred dollar snares cause then I’d have 10 sounds to choose from”.  This is what I’ve done with instruments basically all my life.  buy cheap and suffer the creative consequences that come with the instruments limitations.  In this case, the guitar would not stay in tune no matter how much I worked on it. At one point, out of frustration I grabbed it and started choking it, holding it by its neck and swinging it around wildly and that’s when I hit upon the opening measure of the song.  I quickly put the guitar in my lap and it’s as if it guided me the rest of the way. placing my hands where no traditional chord structure was, moving around the neck like a maniac.  Soon, the riff was complete, and I knew it’d be the best if I wrote sweet lyrics over it.  Fun fact, the more dissonant you make a song, the easier it is to play it live cause no one is gonna noticed a missed note or six. 

[iwroteasongaboutit]

Listen/purchase: could've handled that better by These Violent Young Lovers

the What: this is a “triumphant break up song” if you will.  I had gotten out of a relationship, and not just any relationship, but the kind that makes you hate the person you became afterwards.  The kind that makes you want to murder the other person even though you’d never actually do such a thing cause it’s all their fault and then you realize it’s all your fault and then you say “you know what, no one here is to blame” and then you realize it’s all their fault again.  After a year where I was mostly dry songwriting wise getting out of this relationship was possibly the best thing to happen to me creatively as I had a ton of free time and my head was swimming with ideas.  I wrote this song and just immediately felt better about my situation.  On one hand, if you can write about something, it means you’re usually ready to accept it, learn whatever you should learn from it, and most importantly start to move onward and upward from it.  Also, it was a fun song, it was a statement of forgiveness to myself and an admission that the person I was dating was no more special or capable of providing me with happiness than anyone else who may in fact want to provide me with actual happiness.  It was accepting, it was insulting, it was powerful, it was funny, I was in awe of this song that had just shown up to me.  It’s as if I learned something.  And I never had a bad relationship again... oh wait.

the How: the sessions for what would become These Violent Young Lovers first record were a mish mash of things.  One day, Missy and I would just be hitting random percussion instruments and making noises, the next day, I would bring in a few songs I had already written and ask her to sing them with me as I felt the tone of her voice would add a more fun feel the songs that I brought (which were mostly harsh angry songs in my mind), the next day we would get together and joke and talk and nothing would be achieved, and the next day we’d get together and co write something on the spot that felt as fun and vibrant as the first time we wrote together.  This was one of the song I brought in, and I’m pretty sure I had tracked most of it save for the vocals.  In my head this would just be a scratch vocal track and we would come back and re track it at some point separately so I could balance out the levels and such.  After a few frantic months of recording Missy disappeared for a little while and the record seemed like it would be shelved. So I ended up using the only vocal take we had to finish the song and I think it’s got a good yet loose feel to it.  The message remains clear, even if the mix is a touch muddy.