soulmate trope | dabi
Dabiโs route of soulmate trope.
"post-canon dabi? canon isn't even finished as of when this was posted on 30 july 2023!" to you. i know he's doing just fine. and obviously i will be wrong about some things. warnings: female reader. manga spoilers up to chapter 390: specifically about touya's body but vaguely about ~all of that~. sexual content. food mention/discussion. injury descriptions (burns) that aren't reader's. weeb slander. a note: part of the plot revolves around...analysing anime. i use hunter x hunter here, and if you are not into that, i have, to the best of my knowledge, included neither spoilers (aside from early story arc names) nor information that cannot be understood via context clues. additionally, there is a brief pokemon metaphor that also can hopefully be understood with context clues as well.
~27.7k
Youโre being watched.
Or rather, you had the eerily intense inkling that you were being watched, or as if you were some sort of recently awakened sleeper agentโas if you were somehow the key to someoneโs spying into U.A., even though the most secretive thing going on right now in 3-Aโs common area was that Hagakureโs facial features were somewhat revealed by the drying face mask.
โJirou,โ you said, bookmarking your place, โWould you mind checking forโI donโt know, any kind of outside surveillance devices in here?โ
Jirou bit the stem of the carnation sheโd been about to weave into Yaoyorozuโs hair and shifted all the strands of the braid into one hand, and she tilted her head to jab the arm of the couch with her earjack. After a few moments, she unsheathed it, the hole in the couch sealing itself, and shook her head. โNothing out of the ordinary. Whatโs up?โ
Furrowing your brow, you shoved your book between the cushion and arm of your chair. โIโm not sure. ItโsโI have this weird feeling that someoneโs looking at me. Or through me, really. Both? I donโt know how to describe it, but it feels like someone else is seeing what Iโm seeing.โ
โDo your eyes hurt, ribbit?โ Asui asked from her spot on the floor, where she was sorting her m&ms by colour.
โNo. More like Iโm hyperaware of them,โ you said, โBut I canโt shake the feeling that someoneโs watching all of this because of me.โ
โWhatโs there to watch? Itโs nothing but a Girls and Todoroki Night. Thereโs nothing worth seeing and or any big secrets being spilled. Well, spoilers for the New Yearโs episode of Kamisama Kiss, but itโs been out for years already,โ said Mina, gesturing towards the television, and Uraraka snatched Minaโs hand out of the air and laid it flat on the coffee table again, because sheโs not done painting her nails, damn it. Mina sighed dreamily at the sheep whose wool fluffed enough to take up the entire screen. โWhat I wouldnโt give for my hair to have that much volume.โ
โI guess youโre right,โ you said, settling down into your chair, pulling Shinsouโs blue-pineappled blanket up to your neck (he was out on his bike, so he wasnโt attending this Girls and Todoroki Night [Shinsou and Todoroki were the only boys allowed, since their presence wasnโt obtrusive or contrary to the vibe. Additionally, Shinsou thought it was funnier if his name werenโt included in the title of these events]). โYโknow, in the manga, the New Year avatar isnโt a sheep. Itโs a dragon.โ
Mina blew on her hands as Uraraka rebottled the nail polish brush. โWhaaaaat?
โIt was changed to a sheep to align with the year the episode was released,โ said Todoroki, his thumb and index finger pinching his lower lip with his eyes glued to the screen, โI understand the change on a narrative scale, but I believe the dragon had more of a character arc than the sheep. The dragon didnโt think it was as appealing as other yearsโ avatars, and it had to learn to accept itself and accept othersโ love for it. It was rooted in misunderstanding.โ
For some reason, when you looked at Todoroki, you were doused with regret. Sharp and cold, followed by a splash of something more muddled: envy, maybe? Gratitude?
Theseโฆthese feelings werenโt yours.
***
โI canโt believe I missed a Girls and Todoroki Night,โ said Shinsou, grinning, his legs dangling off the dormโs kitchen counter, โbut alas! The night was calling, and I had to go out in it.โ
โWe will not spoil Kamisama Kiss for you,โ said Todoroki. He was crouched in front of the oven, hands clasped as he stared through the tinted window at the browning potato wedges. โYou will have to watch that episode on your own.โ
โYou should really read the manga,โ you were saying as you scanned the inside of the refrigerator, looking for anything that might go well with the potatoesโah, Aoyamaโs got some bougie-looking sauce. Savoury, by the looks of it. โIt goes farther than the anime covers, and itโs so sweet. The worldbuilding gets better, too.โ You took out the bottle and gave it an experimental shake.
โReally?โ Shinsou wrinkled his nose. โI donโt know; that villain guy isnโt very fun. Feels like too much time is wasted on him.โ
Todorokiโs head snapped towards Shinsou at the same time you slammed the refrigerator shut. โNo,โ the both of you said at the same time, and you continued. โThe anime hasnโt been quite as accurate in tone regarding that character, but heโs really wonderful, eventually. You really feel for what happened to him and for his past relationship to the main characters. Simple but effective job of deconstructing his villainy and granting him humanity.โ
โHuh.โ Shinsou propped his cheek on his fist, his ankle resting on his opposite knee. โI wonder how much nuance Iโm missing because Iโm only watching the anime.โ
For a second, you felt as groggy as if youโd just woken up, your eyes focusing a bit more precisely, blurring the kitchen tiles for a moment before re-focusing, and it crept in again: the feeling that someone was watching you, that someone else was here.
โHey, Shinsou, Todoroki,โ you said, blinking several times, Aoyamaโs brown sauce clutched in both hands, โDo my eyes look any different?โ
Both of them looked you over. Shinsou shook his head. โAre you hurt?โ
โNo, Iโve gotโโ You nodded towards Todoroki. โI have that same feeling from last night. Like someoneโs watching. But Jirou said nothing was wrong.โ Shrugging, you tossed the sauce to Shinsou and sat in front of the oven with Todoroki. โI guess Kamisama Kiss must bring out the voyeur in me. Or being voyeur-ed. Watched.โ You crossed your legs at the same time Todoroki jolted because of a crushed peppercorn popping in the oven. โMaybe we should start reading manga alongside the anime so that we can judge how accurate they are. See how much character nuance is lost or preserved.โ
Todorokiโs eyes bulged. โYou have no idea how much that appeals to me. I desperately need to discuss the differences between the Hunter x Hunter 1999 anime, the 2011 anime, and the manga. Sero refuses to watch the 1999 version.โ
Amusement. Condescension. Bubbling to the top of your consciousness.
Distinctly not yours.
Why would you be feeling these things in the face of something that sounded so wonderfully, uselessly pedantic? A project like Todorokiโs just proposed sounded like an absolutely ideal waste of time that would allow you to be more accurate than the vast majority of people when it came to plot, lore, and characterisation. Why would emotions youโd associate with making fun of someone pop up now? You didnโt want to make fun of Todoroki; you were enthusiastic about joining him in this pointless endeavour.
The timer on Shinsouโs phone blared, and he tapped it off, patting his pockets (?) for the oven mitt, which he spotted on the counter next to him. โWhy would Sero refuse to watch the older version?โ
Todoroki helped you stand and guided the both of you away from the oven. โTo be fair, in the 1999 anime, the animators did take liberties with panel composition and brought in new angles and lines sporadically. Colours are also odd and inaccurate, and those are corrected, for the most part, in the 2011 version. More of the manga is covered, and the animation is smoother in the 2011 version as well.โ
Why did you feel the distant sensation of laughing? Nothing about this has been funny, per se, but theโฆwhat was going on?
โOkay, Iโll bite,โ you said, strangely heavy and hyperaware and surveying the tray of steaming potato wedges as Shinsou shuffled it to the stove, โIโll do it with you, all this manga accuracy checking.โ
โMe, too,โ said Shinsou, shaking the over mitt off, โMy suggestion is that we keep it to just the three of us, to prevent exhausting arguments, like weโd have in a big group the size of Girls and Todoroki Nights.โ
โI can lend you the first few volumes,โ said Todoroki, opening a cabinet to search for Aoyamaโs sauce bowls, โAfter that, I have a link to high-quality scans I can send you.โ
โSounds perfect,โ you said, reaching for a potato wedge that did not sizzle and screech as much as the others, โShould we watch the first episode tomorrow night?โ When you retracted your hand at the burn, you felt your own pain and someone elseโs sense of nostalgia.
***
Youโd already been on the precipice of falling asleep during Present Micโs lesson, but when a concentrated shot of fatigue pierced you, you set down your pen and reluctantly resolved to get the subsequent notes from Iida. God, couldnโt this wait until you were out of class? No one needed to see how terrible your own notes were. No one needed to see your drawings in the margins.
Burying your face in your hands, you dug the heels of your palms into your eyes, rubbing them as the lethargy kicked in, and you braced yourself for the uncanny sensation of being your own worst voyeur.
When you opened them, after the lightheaded dots blinked away, you werenโt in the classroom, instead entrenched in darkness. Well, waitโyou groped around on your desk: physically, you still were upright in your desk at U.A., able to grasp your pen, set it down, able to faintly hear Present Mic, as if heโs in the next room over.
Blindly, you tapped Minaโs desk behind you, turning your head over your shoulder. โDo my eyes look weird to you?โ
โNo. Should they?โ she whispered backโor maybe she said it at a normal volume, and the classroom had been so far removed the distance silenced her.
Biting the inside of your cheek, you faced the front again. Looks like you have to figure this out yourself, or else youโll be sitting in pitch black for who knows how long.
A minute passed. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, shapes appearingโyouโre inside. In a room with the lights off. Sideways, for some reason. One of the shapes was so rigidly rectangular that it had to be a shoji divider, and you were just trying to estimate its size when all of your mental facilities halted at a loud, rumbling groan.
โJesus fucking Christ,โ a scratchy, masculine voice said, โMust be my turn, huh?โ
He flipped over, and barely cracked venetian blinds behind dark curtains just barely illuminated part of the scene: you were seeing this sideways because he was lying in bed, an out-of-place, opulent, Western-style bed in what you assumed was an Eastern-style room, judging what you could make out of traditional wallpaper and tatami flooring.
โWell, youโre not getting anything out of me,โ he said, reaching for one of the many strewn pillows and hugging itโyou lost half of your sight when his face sank into it (too dark for you to get a good look at his hands or arms), โSucks for you, but Iโm going back to sleep. Donโt care how curious you are. Not sharinโ anything with someone who canโt cook potato wedges right.โ
No, get up. Get up. Say more right now. Who was he? Itโsโitโs the middle of the day, anyhow; what is he doing asleep?
โHah. Youโre angry with me.โ His laugh sounded more like a hiss, somehow. โGet used to it.โ
He shut his eyes. After about a minute, the darkness faded, and Present Micโs voice hit you at full volume, and you winced, clamping a hand down on your notes when the classroom came into view.
***
โYou are not dropping out of school the semester youโre supposed to graduate,โ said Aizawa, pinching the bridge of his nose, elbow digging into the puffy leather chair by Nezuโs desk.
โFrom my perspective, it does not appear you are a liability to U.A.โs security.โ Nezu steepled his paws together, his pink toe beans preventing him from pressing them completely flat. โSimply seeing through each otherโs eyes and feeling some of his emotions are no cause for the drastic security measures you are proposing. I believe that so long as you have some sort of indicator that either situation is happening, faculty can prepare for your temporary debility.โ
โDonโt even think about abusing it to get out of class,โ said Aizawa, propping his chin on his fist.
โYou think I would? Shocked! Shocked and offended,โ you said, โIโm gonna be in class; I donโt trust anyone elseโs notes. I want my own interpretations of lectures.โ You slumped down in your seat, tilting your head back to stare at the ceiling. โPrincipal Nezu, do you have an idea of why this is happening to me?โ
โI do.โ Nezu opened the top drawer in his desk to retrieve a stack of yellow-green papers, torn from a legal pad and crimped because of whatever was spilled on it. โRecovery Girl and Midnight have been analysing the results of Tainted Loveโs quirk for some time now. The female rehabilitation centre with which Midnight works, Sakura Grove, has uncovered evidence of two other incidents that caused a soulmate bond with similar qualities to form.โ
โWhat? No,โ you said, letting a whine creep into your voice, โThat means my soulmateโs a jerk. He was rude to me. He insulted my potato wedge recipe.โ
Aizawa raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching upward as he crossed his arms. โYou canโt expect there to be love at first sight, can you? Love is a choice. You work at it every day. You have to keep choosing it.โ
โYaoyorozu and Jirou were already dating when they got assigned soulmates,โ you said, listing on your fingers, โMidoriya and Uraraka had been pining after each other for yearsโโ
Aizawa scowled. โStop that.โ
โSo, do you want me to report anything? Do you want me to duck out of class when heโchecks in?โ
โIf you feel unsafe, let us know. Otherwise, it is of my opinion that you will be just fine,โ said Nezu, and he reached for his paw-sized coffee cup to remove the melting stroopwaffle cookie off the top. โReport what you perceive as dangerous, but you deserve privacy. When you decide on your signal that the bond is active, please send an email to faculty members. Whether or not you inform your peers is at your discretion.โ
***
So, of course, you told everyone.
Meaning no one batted an eye the next time the soulmate bond activated, which was in class. Feeling the exhaustion and the slight buzz from your soulmate popping in to watch through you, you made the phone call symbol, grabbed a marker from the whiteboard, and headed out into the hall, no questions asked.
โHey,โ you were saying, shoving your forearm against the concrete-block wall and popping the marker cap off with your mouth, โGood to hear from you. Didnโt know I could see through you, too. Excited to see how weโll deal with that. This is my phone number.โ You scrawled it across your arm, along with your given name above it. โIf you canโt memorise it now, thatโs fine. Iโll write it down next time, too, so you could prepare to have something nearby to record it with. I look forward to getting to know you.โ
No strong emotions on his part. But he was there.
โOkay,โ you said, and you turned to sink down against the wall to sit in the deserted hallway. โSome basic stuff: Iโm a student at U.A., in my last year. Iโm in thatโuh, Iโm in the class thatโs gotten into a bit of trouble over the past few years. Midoriya, Bakugou, and all of them, if you watch the news. Iโve just ducked out of class with everyone.โ You kept looking at your arm so that he could memorise it. โI donโt really wanna talk about my quirk, since that seems like such a boring, capital-A adult question, but I can tell you about it later, if you really want to know. Oh! I do not suck at making potato wedges. It was just a recipe that none of us had made before, and they were fine. They were good. Iโโ
And heโs gone, link severed.
Crossing your arms, you slumped against the wall. Did he choose to end it? Could he? He didnโt seem very receptive, so you wouldnโt put it past him.
***
You woke up from a nap watching through him play a video game, some non-discernible, first-person shooter. Again in the dark, but perhaps not in the same room. The windows werenโt open enough to let in enough light to tell.
Your soulmate never acknowledged you were there by gesture or word. Just played his stupid fucking game. You were trying to send him foul vibes of frustration and indignation, but he ignored you.
After a mere six minutes of the worldโs worst Letโs Play, you decided you could be a little bitch as well.
***
โOh! Heโs here. Excuse me,โ you said to Shinsou and Jirou, making the phone call gesture as you pushed yourself up from the lunch table, โIโll be back in a moment. Please guard my gummies from Monoma.โ
A flash of curiosity, finally, from your soulmate as he got the image of Shinsou and Jirou smirking to themselves and waving you off.
Once you were alone outside in the courtyard, you pulled out and unfolded the piece of pink construction paper, at this point every inch covered by doodles of flowers and increasingly shitty bulbasaurs. You tapped at the writing in the centre. โThis is called a telephone number,โ you said, โThis one belongs to me. If you dial this number into a phone to call it, you will reach me. Then, we could have a conversation and arrange to meet up, instead of this unreliable, one-sided bond.โ
You flattened your hand to smooth out the creases, halting midway when it struck you. โIโve just realised you may be confused by this situation. Donโt worry; I am as well. But be assured, due to a quirk incident, weโve been assigned soulmates. Yeah, I know theyโre fake, but with this villain Tainted Loveโs quirk, soulmates are real.โ
He evidently was feeling like he wanted to walk straight into the ocean.
โIโm assuming youโre not a U.A. student, soโdo you remember breathing in some sort of pink dust? Within about the pastโI donโt know, two and a half years? Thatโs how long Tainted Love was active. She only got arrested about a month or so ago.โ You couldnโt garner anything from him except for exasperation, so you continued. โAnd not, like, snorting a line of pink dust. It wouldโve been in a dust cloud. A bit like fog. You wouldโve noticed it.โ
Staring at your phone number the whole time, you allowed him silence to think. Whatever he was feeling was very subdued, so you couldnโt really surmise what it was, but ten seconds before the bond broke, a livid, fiery ire consumed your whole body in the heat of recognition.
***
Shinsou, Todoroki, and you were all crowded around a laptop in Shinsouโs dorm to watch the beginning episodes of Hunter x Hunter the next time your soulmate spoke to you. Heโd gone a couple of times ignoring you in silence, once outside on a walk during the day on a path uptown you didnโt recognise, and the other on some rooftop while playing on his phone and watching a meteor shower. Completely disregarding your attempts to give him your number or talk to him in real time.
It just figured that he bothered to spare you any information when you were trying to see what the next phase of the Hunter Exam was, so Todoroki and Shinsou paused the show for you and waited. With a stab of affection for your friends, you moved to the corner, waiting for your soulmate to say something.
And he was. Your soulmate knew more combinations of swear words and general filth than youโve ever cared to consider, and you were almost impressed with the creativity of his vulgarity. Outside under the night sky, he was furiously ripping open some medium-sized, cardboard box as he stomped towards a carefully cultivated, lilypad-covered, manmade pond towards the back of a highly organised, traditional garden.
Eventually, non-profanity was added. โGoddamn fucking shit-ass fish and goddamn fucking shit-ass crusty motherfucking doctor canโt take care of his own goddamn fucking pet project.โ Tips of his house slippers stopping at the pond only by way of running into the stone wall, he stumbled, growling in frustration, before regaining his balance and yanking out the plastic bag inside the remnants of the box. โWants a goddamn gift for fucking Mom but canโt be arsed to do it him-fucking-self. Deserves every fish fucked into his respiratory system, clogging up his arteries to give himself a goddamn heart attack. And then I canโt be blamed forโโ The plastic stretched, and he ended up tearing it in half above the water, pieces falling atop waterlilies. โShit on a cuntbag. What the fuck. I donโt deserve this.โ
He stretched to reach the waterlilies, cupping his hands to sweep the fish food off and into the water. Andโthe moonlight struck the gently rippling water, enough for you to see a flash of an orange koi tail break the surface tension, but not enough to see whatever was going on with his handsโnot that he was doing anything strange with them (just picking shreds of plastic out of the water), but they somehow were strange. They moved stiffly and had some sort of bumps on them, butโdoes this guy live in darkness? You couldnโt tell anything about what his hands looked like aside from the shadowed bumps, which could be anything.
โI deserve a lot, but I sure as hell donโt deserve this.โ He rounded the pond and punched a few buttons on a small, hidden, monitor, checking the pH of the pool and water levels. โNot my fucking job. Not my fucking job. Why do they thinkโwhy am I the one to do this shit. How come I can get in trouble with my fucking brother for him not taking care of his project.โ He swatted at his wet bathrobe sleeve, pissed, and shook out some of the water. โHey, you. I know youโre there.โ
Back in the dorm, you jolted in your seat. In the distance, you could hear Shinsou ask what was wrong. โNothing,โ you said, sounding distant yourself, โHe acknowledged me is all. Hasnโt done that for a while, so it felt like a fourth wall break.โ
Your soulmate sat down on the edge of the pond, glaring out at the rest of the garden (wisteria heavy, vines swaying in the night wind). โAre you hot?โ
Youโd never wanted to be able to transfer direct words or actions to him so much, because he needed to be strangled.
โIโm not kidding.โ He crossed his arms, covered by a dark bathrobe, sticking his hands in his armpits. โAre you hot? I donโt like the idea of being connected to some hideous fuckwad.โ
Never mind. Now you have never wanted to beโ
โThis quirk shit isnโt gonna last long, but if youโre hot, you need to get on my dick before it goes away. I wanna see how it looks giving me a blowjob from your perspective.โ
Kill. Destroy. Maim. Eviscerate, even.
โOoh, watch out. Weโve got an uptight, prudish bitch over here,โ he said, and he laughedโagain, sounding more like a hiss than anything else. โWell, then. If youโre not gonna put out, then Iโve got no use for you. Donโt need anyone, especially not some goddamn lunatic who claims to be my soulmate. Too many people are interfering in my life, anyway. And to be honest, it seems like youโre dumb and irritating. I donโt like people like you.โ
Maybe youโre soulmates because youโre destined to kill him on sight. Your soul, calling out for his to suffer extreme violence. Heโd deserve it.
May all his potato wedges burn.
***
Monoma was at the next Hunter x Hunter anime viewing, because heโd been dying to know why you were wearing an actual and literal clown costume, wig and enormous foam nose included.
โIโm liking the new hero outfit,โ Monoma said, flipping his hair back with a flourish, โbut why are you wearing it during our off-hours?โ
โShove off,โ you said, grinning as Shinsou tossed you a pillow to hold, โDid you bring your peach gummies?โ
โI did,โ said Monoma, sitting next to you on Todorokiโs tatami mats, and he pulled a massive bag of white peach gummies from inside his jacket, handing it to you to open. โMay I ask if itโs seriously part of your new uniform, orโโ
โDonโt be ridiculous, Monoma,โ you said, ripping open the bag at the notch, โIโm making a point.โ
โHer soulmate,โ Shinsou supplied, pulling up the next episode, โHe wants to know what she looks like. So, sheโs been dressing up in horrible, gawdy shit so that he can never really tell, even around mirrors.โ
โHeโs pissed,โ you said, beaming, digging into the bag and popping a gummy into your mouth, โHe wants me to stop playing around, but he was mean to me. Mean to me, unprovoked, and in a way that wasnโt hot. Tomorrow, Iโm wearing a sheet and running around like a ghost. I will say nothing to him but boo.โ
โI suppose that explains the influx of regular face masks youโve taken to wearing during class.โ Monoma scoffed, his incredulous, open mouth stretching into a grin. โYou are impossible. If your humourless soulmate is worth his salt, then he should at least value the effort youโre putting into it.โ
โSero has sent me a message,โ interrupted Todoroki, thumb swiping his phone screen, โHe says that he has changed his mind and would like to join us. Heโs started rereading the series and likes it more this time around.โ Todoroki looked up and around his room, lips pursed. โThere is not much space for five people. It is getter harder to see the laptop.โ
***
The five of you started the Heavenโs Arena arc of Hunter x Hunter in Aizawaโs dorm apartment, seeing as he had the best television setup: for one, having an actual television instead of simply relying on his computer. His sound system held up, too, though you suspected Present Mic had something to do with that, instead of Aizawaโs own preferences.
You, Shinsou, Todoroki, Monoma, and Sero were scattered across Aizawaโs living room, all cosied under blankets and pillows and pointed towards his wall-mounted television, sitting on his cat-hair covered couch and armchairs, mugs and snacks on his coffee table, socked feet loose, and house slippers at the edge of the shag rug. The cats, Dango and Konpeito, chose to snuggle up towards Todoroki and you (beat that, Shinsou!), so you were careful not to disturb them from their slumber on your lap. No sudden movements, even when the tired dizziness of your bitch soulmate faded in.
โSpoilers for Hunter x Hunter, I suppose, even though itโs been out for decades,โ you said under your breath, raising your hand to signal to the others that your soulmate was looking in. At your movement, Dango raised her head from her cocoon in your lap to yawn, her face nearly turning inside out, and she flinched, her pupils dilating, at the creak of the door.
Laden with groceries, Aizawa stepped into his own apartment, his brow furrowing at the sight of his students in his living room. โYou have ten seconds to tell me what youโre doing here.โ
โThe fuck?โ Sero whipped his head towards Shinsou and back at Aizawa. โShinsou told us you were okay with it.โ
โI said that he wouldnโt mind, which he canโt if he doesnโt catch us,โ said Shinsou, bracing himself when Aizawa tugged at his capture weapon around his neck, โItโs my fault, Aizawa-sensei. Please donโt get angry at anyone else.โ
Your soulmate seemed pleased that you were getting in trouble. Bastard.
Aizawa set his cloth bags on his kitchen counter, the insides shifting with the weight of the groceries. โIs this appropriate for Eri to watch?โ
โWell, in generalโโ
A character onscreen chose that moment to seductively moan another characterโs name, over and over again.
Aizawa winced, scrunching his eyes shut tightly. โTurn that shit off. Find another place to watch it.โ Shaking his head, he unbagged the first of his groceries. โShinsou, never bring anyone, including yourself, into my personal space again with express permission.โ
โDamn it,โ you said, reaching for the remote. You pressed the power button, watching the screen fade from the vibrant colours of Heavenโs Arena to black, with Aizawaโs living room reflecting back at you. Forlornly, you scratched the back of Dangoโs neck, watching her mirrored reaction, before you realised what you were doing: giving your bitch-ass soulmate a clear view of your bare face. Eyes bulging, you gasped and bent over to hide your face, with Dango scurrying away at being disturbed.
The connection cut at the faint suggestion of intrigue.
***
YOU
hey i know we said weโd keep it small but. i think midoriya would really enjoy the battle analysis that the hxh characters are doing
YOU
bc they be doing some QUICK analytic work based on their opponentsโ personalities
TODOROKI ๐ ๐
Midoriya has been asking more questions than usual during our sparring sessions.
SERO ๐ง๐
ffs why isnโt he already in the group? shouldโve thought of him
SHINSOU ๐๐ก
want me to add him?
YOU
would that be okay, todoroki?
TODOROKI ๐ ๐
Thereโs more than enough room at our new venue. We should invite him.
SHINSOU ๐๐ก
why donโt you text him then? itโs at your place
MONOMA ๐๐ญ
Midoriya CANNOT sit next to me
MONOMA ๐๐ญ
Iโd like to hear the onscreen dialogue instead of whatever heโs saying under his breath
MONOMA ๐๐ญ
He CANNOT shut up
YOU
WHOMST wonโt shut up??????
SERO ๐ง๐
donโt worry no one will sit next to you
MONOMA ๐๐ญ
Good
MONOMA ๐๐ญ
Wait
TODOROKI ๐ ๐
Midoriya can attend! Heโll be a little late today, but I think we should wait for him, since itโs his first time joining us.
Startled by the waiter, you put your phone down on your notebook and accepted your coffee graciously. You shifted your laptop and notebook over so that you could cup the mug in front of you, its warmth seeping through the sides, and you took a tentative slurp. Interesting. Youโll finish it, but you wonโt order this again.
You were killing time that Saturday by getting ahead on your work for Put Your Hands Up Radio: editing and fact-checking news segments that Yamada would read between songs towards the evening. Electing to get some sunshine on your skin before hunkering down with the group again to analyse some anime, youโd chosen to edit the articles outside at a cafรฉ youโd discovered recently, one at which you hadnโt decided on a regular order yet and were shopping around the menu each time you came. Plus, if youโd stayed on campus, no doubt Shinsou or Monoma wouldโve found you to distract you.
The cafรฉโs patio with scorching, cast-iron furniture and haphazard parasol installation led to most of its customers sitting inside, but that meant you had space to think, even with the hot groves of your seat imprinting patterns into your skin.
Your soulmate was probably being rude because he was scared, or perhaps he didnโt believe that Tainted Loveโs quirk was legitimate. Youโd have to assure him that it was, as youโd run through Nezuโs report with Midnight and Recovery Girl, fact-checking that. Either way. Some frustrated guyโliving at home, apparently, and pissed about itโwas paired out of the blue with some student at U.A. He might be scared that you were a creep.
Tainted Loveโs teamโs notes on her quirk that Midnight had confiscated explained that each soulmate bond, somehow, was moulded around the pairโs personalities and would fulfil a lifelong need. A lot of responsibility, it seemed, but if it were trueโand other pairs proved it trueโyou would fulfil it naturally, and so would he.
So, even though your soulmate had been rude, youโd give him a chance. The soulmate bond existed for a reason. Plus, he might be a real-life tsundere, and wouldnโt that be fun to crack? To be the only one a rude, evil person was soft for was the ideal, wasnโt it? Someone so naturally cruel and heartless but learning to be kind for youโ
Get a hold of yourself. Heโs a real guy who will be in your life forever, not just someone you can throw away, like a celebrity/pro-hero crush. Treat him seriously.
โIโmโฆbeing serious,โ you said to yourself, pouting into your coffee. You hunched in your seat to drink from the mug without lifting it, and you slorped away the neck of the latte art swan the barista had so carefully poured. โHeโs probably not even be a sexy sort of cold-hearted. Heโs just a type of bitchiness I havenโt learnt how to handle yet.โ
Those boys in the anime analysis group? You could play their types of bitchiness like the worldโs smallest fiddle. They were all so easy to handle (especially Monoma because of his predictability; Todoroki gave you the most trouble due to his complete non sequiturs), and it was fun bouncing off the petty parts of their personalities. Your soulmate spun things differently, but youโd learn his inclinations in time. If not, itโs not worth your time trying to โfixโ someone who has no redeeming vulnerability.
You sighed. Now that youโve lost your editing groove, you might as well do some last-minute reading before watching the next few episodes tonight. Closing your laptop, you reached down into your bag to get the next volume of Todorokiโs manga, and your vision blurred over, dizziness incoming. Well, at least youโre sitting down.
You held the manga volume in your lap and waited for your soulmateโs line of sight to appear. If he were in a darkened room yet again, you could buy yourself a little treat. The cafรฉโs display case had some sort of new chess square that youโd been eyeing. Andโshit, sunlight was coming through. No little treat for you.
Well, maybe youโll get one, anyway. You slumped farther down in your seat, blinking as dappled, sunlight-covered pavement and an empty terrace outside a business across a busy street came into viewโyour soulmate jumped back off the road when a car whooshed by, and after that, he jaywalked, horns blaring in his wake.
He did a little hop to get on the opposite sidewalk, hands in his pockets, and peered past the iron fence into the window of the shopโa packed coffee shop; maybe you could at least learn his coffee order, because then youโd have some shred of information about him. But no, he unlatched the iron gate and wove his way through the cast-iron patio chairs and tables, andโ
Youโre staring right at you: sitting, legs crossed, not taking up space, stuff spread out over your table, and heโs gaining on you. You flinched, watched yourself flinch, and your gaze darted around until you were able to meet his (your) eyes (your head making minor, nervous movements you wouldnโt have noticed if you hadnโt seen them), expression cautious, curling in on yourself on impulse. When you saw how, through an outsider, that made you look small, you made the effort to sit up and roll your shoulders back, elbows on the table. You watched yourself recoil at the heat of the iron, and you had to use his perspective to know where your notebook was so that you could rest your arms on it.
He brushed past your tableโs open chair, instead yanking the table by the edge away from your lap so that he could stand closer to you and grabbing your face. He first cupped your jaw with his whole hand, pale skin and leather of a fingerless glove cold to the touch, and then, when he seemed sure you werenโt going to protest (his vision turned slightly to the leftโhe must have tilted his head), he narrowed his grip in little jerks of his hand, sliding erratically from gripping your jaw to just tilting your chin upwards towards him. He turned your head to the left and to the right before returning to centre to stare you down (youโd been pliant under his control, because the doubling of you watching you do things was throwing off your senses of balance and direction).
โNot as hard as you fucking made it out to be, huh?โ His thumb rubbed over your chin. His nail was cracked. โNow, are you gonna stop acting like a little bitch, or are we gonna keep playing your stupid game?โ
โFirst of all,โ you said, fascinated by the way your lips curled in under your teeth to shape the consonants, and judging by where your soulmate was looking, he was, too. โItโs not an act. I am a little bitch.โ
โNo more of that hiding shit.โ He tapped your cheek a little harder than he needed to with his middle two fingers. โDonโt know why youโd wanna hide this, anyway.โ
You wouldnโtโve said you winced at his rough touch, but you noticed enough of an aggravated microexpression around your eyes that you could tell you didnโt like it. โYouโre doing the same. Hiding what you look like from me.โ
โAnd Iโm gonna keep doing it. You get nothing. There is no us. Soulmates donโt exist, and even if some hack fraudโs quirk has paired us off, I donโt need anybody, least of all you.โ
โWell, maybe you donโt need anyone,โ you said, your eyes dipping to see more of his hand (hot damn, we forgot we canโt see through our own eyes that quickly?) and then raising them to look directly into your soulmateโsโhyperaware of the way your eyelashes fluttered against your skin, of the slight pinch of your eyebrows, of the way the sun struck your cheeks, โbut you could want someone.โ
A sliver of a cool breeze wove its way through the patio, some of your hair swaying with it.
โI wonโt pressure you to do anything you donโt want,โ you said, lying, โbut at the very least, we could communicate enough for this to be easy for us. Please let me give you my phone number, and please save it this time.โ
His thumb inched up to press into your lower lip.
โPlease,โ you said, eyes dark but slightly glassy, letting your tongue tap the tip of his thumb, so lightly wetting it that it was as if you hadnโt touched it at all.
Your soulmate tilted his head again, lurching to the side as he shifted his weight to lean on the table. He knocked your pen onto the ground, and when you made the slightest movement to grab it, he pressed his thumb harder against you to still you, and he shook his head.
Your throat ran dry. Your (his) eyes honed in on the bead of sweat dripping down it and into your blouse. โGive me your name, then. A name, if you hate me that much.โ
โItโs Touya,โ he grumbled, and he closed his eyes in the moment before he kissed you, cold lips open before even touching yours (both rough, but his lower lip was much rougher for some reason). Blind, you startled back at the initial touch, but he held your chin firmly near his, sliding his gloved hand to your cheek as his tongue did into your mouth, pressing against the roof of your mouth and along your gums, alternating pressure where he pleased, not seeming to care what you did with your tongueโnot that you were doing much at all due to surprise, but you at least had the mind to press your lips back, because while yes, his style was unorthodox, it still felt good. He laughed through his nose, once, when you slid your tongue against his, but when you raised a hand to cup his cheek, he pulled away before you could do more than graze him.
โTouya,โ you said, and now that he was looking at you again, youโwell, you looked kissed out, leaning towards him to chase that feeling, to encourage him to touch you again, and you looked fucking hot (the hell? It took a lot for you to think of yourself that way, and today hadnโt even been a good day for you, but now, freshly kissed, saying your soulmateโs name, you found yourself thinking you were pretty. Uh. Could this be what he was thinking instead of you? You couldnโt tell; it felt like it was coming from somewhere deep in your gut). โTouya. Let me writeโโ
You watched yourself grapple for your pen for a while. He huffed, crossed his arms, and bothered to look down where your pen was for you, and when he did, you finally grabbed it.
โTouya,โ you said, uncapping the pen and hovering over your notebook, and you paused after the first stroke. โTouya spelled like that Todoroki Touya who released that Endeavor video during the war?โ
The ink bled through the sheet of paper from being pressed in one spot for too long.
โYeah,โ he said eventually, voice rasping, โSpelled just like his.โ
โOkay,โ you said, bending over your paper and writing based on muscle memory, and under his name, you wrote your phone number for him again, with your name written beneath it, just to hammer it in. You ripped the page out of your notebook with some difficulty before passing it to him.
Touya scanned it and rubbed his thumb over your name, the leather of his fingerless glove catching on the uneven tear.
Cute. Nerd. โDo the gloves have something to do with your quirk?โ
โWhat? No,โ he said, crumpling the paper and stowing it in his pocket, and he kept his hands there, hiding them, โI donโt have a quirk.โ
Okay, so Touya spoke in a rush and concealed evidence. Sounds like a lie. Monoma took that route on occasion, so the obvious thing for you to say was โOh, so you wear them because of Naruto? Do you run like him, too?โ
โFuck off,โ he spat, and you watched yourself grin: youโve got him. โAs if I had time to be a fuckinโ otaku.โ
โGood to know,โ you said, โSo, all the manga re-analysis Iโve been doing with my friends is new to you? I hope youโre not planning on reading or watching any of the works that weโre covering, then. Unless you wanted to read along with us?โ
โI donโt need that shit to scorch my brain.โ For some reason, he winced, scrunching his eyes shut for a moment, and you waited in the dark for him.
โYou have enough going on?โ
He pried his eyes open, blinking blearily at you, still grinning, still smug. โYeah,โ he said, and he dug his left hand out to stare at the back of it, leather shining in the sunlight while he wiggled his fingers. He bent across the table to grab your coffee, fingers spidering over the rim to grip it, and he brought it to his mouth. โThis is fucking awful; whatโs wrong with you?โ he asked after an audible swallow.
โItโs not my usual order.โ Closing your notebook, you crossed your arms, staring down at you and feeling more and more like youโre in a dream. โYou can either tell me what your quirk is, because I know youโre lying, or you could stay? For coffee? Iโll buy you something better.โ
(You would have asked whatโs up with his appearance that he didnโt want you to see or feel, but considering how early in your first official meeting it was, the question may be too insensitive, especially if he were born with it.)
Touya glanced over his shoulder, saw something you couldnโt, and set your mug on the iron table with a quiet clink. โIโve got to go,โ he said, and he spun around, taking the first step away.
You slammed a hand on the table purely on guesswork based on where he left your mug, and the sound of shaking iron and tinkling porcelain resounded, distant when you heard it through his ears, yet feeling the vibrations travel through your own arms. โTell me your goddamn quirk, you daft fucker.โ
Touya paused, and he turned back to you. โThatโs more like it.โ He sat on your table, at the place over your lap, and he reached out towards your face. You saw yourself lean back, eyes wide, but he simply dug his fingers into your hair at your hairline, scratching your scalp and digging his nails in enough to hear the movement.
(You saw yourself frown the moment you noticed his skin was colder than the glove.)
โBarking at me like that is how information is usually torn out of me. Makes me feel at home,โ he said, a bit too cheerfully for your liking, โYou can be trained to be a bitch towards me yet.โ
โTouya,โ you said, raising your head to embolden more of his touch, โWhoโsโwhoโs been treating you like that? You donโt deserve it.โ
โShut up.โ Touya laid his hand flat atop your head, the weight of it pushing down on you. โSure, I lied. Said I didnโt have a quirk. Does it matter?โ
โOf course it matters.โ Your tongue swiped over your lower lip, and Touyaโs gaze darted to it. โI want any scrap of you I can get. Everything Iโve already learnt Iโve filed away in my heart: your name, the way you speak, your hatred of your brotherโs fish and living at homeโโ
The hand on your hand slipped to slap over your mouth. โJesus Christ, stop noticing things about me. Freak. Goddamn.โ Touya lifted his hand off of you, and based on his perspective, he ran it through his own hair. โSo that you donโt go making your own intrusive observations, Iโll tell you about my quirk: I effectively donโt have one anymore. I used it a lot, and it fucked me up. So, for my own self-preservation, which Iโve been told I should value, I canโt use it anymore. Good enough for you?โ
โGreat enough for me,โ you said, โIโll take care not to talk about my quirk or hero course stuff too much. I donโt want you to feel left out.โ
โHoly shit,โ said Touya, and he broke eye contact with you to stare at his boots (scuffed, black, but new, so the scuffing must be intentional), blinking rapidly before pressingโprobablyโhis thumb and forefinger against his eyelids.
Something was deeply wrong with this man. You needed him to kiss you again. You opened your mouth to ask him to, but wooziness and your dry throat called; the ripped page of your notebook youโd been staring at dripped back into your own perspective at a glacial pace. You heard the scuffle of his shuffling off the iron table and the grit of his boot against the concrete, and when you grappled for him in the dark, your hand clenched around nothing.
You rubbed your eyes until the vertigo passed, and when you opened them, Touya was gone.
***
Later that afternoon, you were scrolling through your phone on the end cushion of one of Todorokiโs couches in the living room in a poor effort not to gawk at everything. You expected some of it could be excused, since itโs your first time at his house, but good God, rich people were insane. This was the biggest, traditionally-styled building (estate?) youโve been in since you toured a castle preserved from the Edo periodโbut it was apt, you supposed, since Endeavor had been acting as a sort of daimyo of his own.
Dormer gables. Hip-and-gable roofs, with golden shachihoko shibi cupping the cornersโthough instead of the customary sea monsters, if your eyes werenโt deceiving you, they appeared to be made for flame-swimming instead of in water. A recessed entryway, its wooden flooring tiles hand-cut in tiny designs to make you aware of the space, with brand-new guest slippers already provided before you could ask. Todorokiโs house (estate?) screamed business, or at the very least, donโt touch anything.
At least the living room in which you sat stiffly had a touch of clear modernityโand so it seemed that the inner rooms actually revealed that they were living in the modern age, but the barrier of traditional architecture to get to actual living space heaved a hyperawareness of outsider onto your shoulders.
Todoroki himself, bless him, moved around like the elegant austerity didnโt even occur to him. Waiting for Midoriya with the rest of you, heโd helped everyone spread out their notes and manga over the short table and floor, gathering blankets for everyone when it occurred to him that not everyoneโs body tolerated temperature like he did (since the house was kept oddly cold), and, instead of offering tea, like heโd said his sister would expect him to do, he provided a peculiar but pleasant combination of snacks: cheap-ass cup noodles, strawberry chardonnay-flavoured cheese on soup crackers, old mooncakes that had been in the fridge for a month but he declared were still good, and gummy worms for Monoma.
The bitch even bought everyone a fancy little drink according to personal preferencesโand no one had even requested them or informed him what to get, but heโd gotten everything right, regardless (you suspected heโd asked Shinsou for help).
โThank you,โ you said, turning over in your hands the poshest bottle of pink lemonade youโve ever seen, โYouโre a very gracious host, Todoroki.โ
He slurped his own caramel frappe. โIโm very excited to have so many friends over at once.โ
โOf course,โ you said, your weight jostling on the couch cushion as Todoroki sat next to you, โI canโt believe we didnโt think of going off-campus to watch this shit earlier. Thereโs way more privacy here.โ
โOur doors are always open nowadays,โ he said, and when Sero tapped Todoroki on his shoulder to help open another package of cheese, he held up a finger to pause your conversation.
Smiling softly, you twisted off the bottlecap of your lemonade, holding it up to your nose to inhale that pressurised burst of lemon scent, andโoh, hey, you felt a little lightheaded as you did so. Two times in one day? Thatโs new. At least it was from your perspective this time, so you didnโt have to worry about knocking anyoneโs drink over.
โHey,โ you said, snuggling down into the couch, your palm atop the opening of your drink (when Monoma shot you a questioning look with the phone call hand signal, you nodded, and he relaxed and leaned towards you, his teeth cutting into his lower lip as he grinned). โFunny how we keep meeting like this, yeah?โ you asked, feeling soft and full of love for this fucker, and you reached towards the coffee table to set down your drink and grab a flower-shaped mooncake. โI guess I can stop hiding from my reflection now, sweet boy.โ You made eye contact with yourself in the reflection of the Torodokisโ enormous flatscreen, and you held your mooncake up in a toast before biting into it. โHope youโre well. You seemed stressed earlier. Iโm currentlyโโ
Your phone rang in your lap, and you narrowed your eyes at the unknown number before answering it. โHello?โ
โWhere the hell are you right now?โ
โWow,โ you said, chewing, โNo greeting, even? No mention of how much that you miss my voice or my lips now that youโveโโ
โJust tell me where the fuck you are,โ said Touya, at the same time that Monomaโs eyebrows shot to his hairline at the kissing implication, and he thumped Shinsou in the chest for him to look up from his phone.
โDoes it matter?โ
โI told you my quirk shit when I didnโt want to, so fucking tell me,โ said Touya, sounding muffled and, again, like he stood near traffic.
Swallowing mooncake in a rush and choking a bit, you cleared your throat and said, โFine. I donโt know why it matters that much to you, but Iโm at a friendโs house. Our anime analysis group has gotten too big for the dorms, so weโre trying out his place.โ
You had to ensure the call hadnโt dropped due to his long response time. โWhat friend?โ he asked.
You raised a brow, though he couldnโt see you. โI doubt you would knowโshit!โ
Struggling to tear the plastic covering the cheese, Todoroki had accidentally slammed his elbow into your collarbone.
โGeez.โ You winced at Todoroki and rubbed the spot. โNo, no, Iโm fine,โ you said when he reached towards your collarbone, his fingertips already icing over, โYou may want to go get a knife to open that, though.โ
Nodding soberly, Todoroki lowered his thawing hand and rose from the couch, tossing the cheese to himself. โIโll do that. Anyone need anything from the kitchen while Iโm up?โ
While the others answered, you spoke into your phone again, hand on your chest. โSorry about that. I guess if you paid attention to the news last year, youโd know him: one of Endeavorโs kids, Todoroki Shouto.โ
The soulmate connection started to trickle away, but Touya stayed on the phone. โDo you not have any other friends who have a place?โ Plastic crinkled on his end, along with a car horn in the background. โHell, the library downtown rents out portable TVsโโ
โWhy should I be at another friendโs house?โ Touya wouldnโt be able to see the reflection of your self-satisfied smirk now, but surely he could hear it in your voice. โJealous that Iโm at the house of another man?โ
Touya gagged into the speaker. โSomeoneโs full of herself. Donโt wait up for me,โ he said, and he hung up.
You pulled your phone away from your ear, pouting at the call screen before creating a new contact.
โYou didnโt tell us youโd met your soulmate,โ said Shinsou.
โIt only happened this afternoon,โ you said, saving his number under Touya ๐ ๐ท (the fish for the koi pond he hated, and the no pedestrians sign for his apparent propensity to jaywalk), โand Iโm not sure what to make of him. I was hoping to form my own opinion before telling all of you.โ
Todoroki perked up and tilted his ear skyward at the sound of the front door opening. โIโll get it,โ he said, standing, โI bet thatโs my brother. Heโs back four hours late from physical therapy; I hope everythingโs okay.โ
Your eye twitched.
(Todoroki had warned everyone before coming over that his family would probably be in and out. Less so Fuyumi and Natsuo, because Fuyumi had recently moved in with her significant other and Natsuo had his own place near campus, but more of his parents and Dabi. Well. Touya, now, but you had your own Touya to worry about.
Youโd met Dabi. Twice, during freshman year. When heโd been a villain, instead of whatever was happening with him in recovery. Rather formulative experiences for you, ones you only permitted yourself to think about in the hollowness of lonely nightsโbut you didnโt need those memories anymore, because you had your Touya now.
Remember? You have your own Touya. You donโt need another.)
โDo you want me to carry that for you?โ
Todorokiโs voice trailed behind boot scuffing and a sliding door, and in Dabi/Touya shuffledโhoodie yanked up (layered over a longer coat?), strings pulled firmly around his face, plastic bags from the convenience store down the street on his wrist, very determinedly staring at the floor as he strode past behind the couch instead of at the four of you strewn across his living room, ducking into the kitchen as soon as possible.
Youโd barely seen him for five seconds, and your heart was going to beat out of your chest. Or maybe that was just the bruise forming on your collarbone.
Todoroki nodded after his brother, standing behind your place at the couch. โThereโs no ceremonial introduction, I assume. Thatโs my brother, Touya. Youโve all,โ said Todoroki, scratching the back of his neck, โmet him before. But! If youโre nervous, we will not be seeing much of him. He doesnโt spend much time in the main house; he lives in the old-fashioned teahouse towards the back of the garden. Privacy, you know, even though weโve got to keep him close.โ Todoroki wetted his lips as he looked towards the emptied shrine on the far wall. โHe shouldnโt be any trouble, but I may have to zip out on occasion to help him. Not all of his skin grafts are taking.โ
The doorbell rang, and Todoroki started towards it. โThat must be Midoriya. Sero, would you please pull up the next episode?โ
When Todoroki stepped into the entryway to greet him, you couldnโt suppress your curiosity. โIโm gonna go pour this over ice,โ you said, gesturing with your pink lemonade bottle, โIโll be back in a minute.โ
Shinsouโthe only one whom youโve told about what happened with Dabi back thenโshot you a crooked grin, but he distracted Monoma from noticing exactly what you were doing while you sneaked away down the hall.
His back was to you. Water flowed out of the kitchen faucet while he yanked his hoodie over his head and tossed it over the back of a chair, and he did the same with a longer, black coatโsimilar in shape to the coat heโd worn as a villain but not the same one. Maybe heโd grown accustomed to having the weight of it on his body, so what he wore now was a type of security blanket. While he ran a spoon under the faucet, he fumbled behind himself for his plastic, convenience store bag and fished out a pudding cup.
Backtracking a little, you purposely made your footsteps audible so that you wouldnโt startle him, and you entered the kitchen, shaking your lemonade for more noise to alert him of your presence.
His white brows pinched when he saw you, and he hastily shut the water off and scooted off to the edge of the counter while he put his stuff away, his movements rigid and close to his chest.
โHi,โ you said (oh, my God, you were talking to Dabi; holy shit), โWhere do the cups live?โ
Dabi blinked slowly, unable to look at you, and he peeled the lid off of his pudding cup. He glanced towards the door and back towards his stuff on the table, and he pointed towards a cabinet, his finger returning to his fist in a rush to get back what he was doing.
โThank you,โ you said, opening the one heโd pointed to. Oh. Fancy. Lots of choices. โI hope weโre not bothering you. We canโwe can always leave, if you need us to. Or you could join us, if you like.โ You turned around in time to see the flat of his tongue lick pudding off of the lid, stitches showing at the back of his tongue, and in the moment where he ducked his head, the tiny, unblemished part of his skin near the corners of his eyes blazing pink, your brain short-circuited.
(Dabi had been your first kiss.
During freshman year, in the week of that first round of internships, youโd been planted in Hosu City, around the time Stain closed his fist around the public consciousness. On a night patrol, your mentor had slipped into a restaurant that the yakuza frequented and stationed you in a nearby alley to watch for other yakuza incoming from the employeesโ entrance.
An official sidekick had caught up with youโlate forties, spandex, unrecognisable. Youโd been terse in your replies, since heโd been essentially blowing your cover, but he couldnโt take a hint.
Itโd only occurred to you that heโd been hitting on you when heโd propped an arm on the brick wall above your head to dominate your personal space, and an all-consuming dread had erupted in your stomach when heโd said, moving to take your chin in hand, โYou know, you remind me a lot of my daughter.โ
Before heโd been able to touch you, something rabid and ravenous about the size of a labrador had tackled him to the ground, the force knocking him almost two whole meters away, and the thing ripped into the sidekickโs chest, blood spewingโand somehow having the sense to cover his mouth to stifle the shouts.
In the moment youโd moved to get a better look at what was, in retrospect, a nomu, another figure had stepped between you and the sidekick, his own arm resting on the wall to keep you from getting closer.
โHey,โ Dabi had said, an easy grin stretching across his face, โDonโt you worry your pretty little head about anything. Just testing some shit out for someone. So long as you donโt go making any noise, Iโll let you walk away.โ
Dabi hadnโt made his villain debut back then, but even so, it hadnโt seemed like it was just testing something out for someone; this guy had seemed his own brand of dangerous. Your gaze had started to creep towards the source of crunching, but heโd tapped your cheek, making you look at him. โNuh-uh. Keep your eyes on me. If you donโt know anything, I donโt have to kill you, do I?โ
โI, Iโmโโ Youโd steeled yourself somewhat, your hands clenching into fists at your sides. โIโm not just gonna let you kill a hero while I stand here.โ
Again, Dabi had stopped you before you could take a full step, this time by gripping your jaw, letting it rest in his palm while his fingers dug into your cheeks. โCanโt call him a hero. Was comparing you to his daughterโdidnโt you hear? And it looked like he was gonna assault you. Some guys arenโt meant to be fathers.โ His syrupy gaze had fallen to your neck, and heโd squeezed your face. โJesus, your heart is beating like crazy.โ
โI donโt normally calm myself down to the sounds of someone getting maimed,โ youโd said, blood splattering in the air behind him, โOh! Fuck.โ Youโd scrunched your eyes shut and curled in on yourself, trying to block out the sound of bones snapping.
โSome hero you are.โ
โYeah, yeah,โ youโd said, โYouโre more of one than I am, tonight. Thanksโ?โ
โDabi,โ heโd said, and at the time, it had just been a name. When youโd pried open your eyes, heโd been smiling, mouth closed, head tilted at being called a hero. Youโd smiled back, but at an enormously strident crack from behind him, youโd had a full-body jolt. โFucking hell, calm down,โ heโd said, his arm sliding from the wall to your upper arm, โFor once, youโre safe with me.โ Seeing you try to look over his shoulder again, Dabi had dragged you forward by the jaw to kiss you, closed-mouthed but hot, leaning into you, his mouth overwhelming you with hardly any effort on his end, and heโd kept kissing you, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand, until the nomu slinked into silence.
Dabi had broken off when the nomu scuttled farther down the alley. โRight.โ Heโd taken a deep breath. โYou gonna tell anyone about me?โ
Youโd shaken your head, confused as to why he seemed more concerned about descriptions of him rather than descriptions of the murder. But heโd been nice to you. Had given you a hell of a first kiss. โI can say someone in the yakuza killed him.โ
Heโd roughly patted your cheek and dropped away from you, stowing his hands in the deep pockets of his coat. โHis death isnโt worth reporting, but Iโll take it.โ Heโd spun on his heel, raising a lazy hand in a wave as he disappeared into the night. โYouโd better hope you never see me again.โ)
And now, here he was, hunched over shitty gas station snacks in his family kitchen, a spoon hanging out of his mouth while he stowed things away. His naturally white hair showed now, andโฆhe seemed terribly shy. Dabi, shy. Fucking ridiculous. But, you supposed, thereโs guilt and shame around, uh, doing what he did. Andโand his body was horribly, horribly mangled and mottled. He might not think anyone should look at him.
Todoroki (Shouto, you supposed you should think of him as, since Dabi was a Todoroki, too) had mentioned not all of Dabiโs skin grafts were taking. It was obvious. Heโd burnt up during the war, and while youโd heard Recovery Girl and Eri had worked on him, despite outside protests that he wasnโt worth it, he still was very clearly cobbled together.
He still had a lot of staples, though faded stitches filled in new gaps, and those that remained had been replaced with medical-grade staples that wouldnโt get infected. Patches of successful grafts left a waning diamond pattern, particularly around his neck. Very little purple, overall, but going by the scars, you could still tell where it had been. Based on his appearance, he shouldnโt be alive, let alone able to walk around.
But he scooted with such speed out of your way when you got ice out of the freezer. โBut really, you could stick around with us, if you wanted to. No pressure, though, if you want to be alone.โ Calmly. You were calmly popping ice out of a tray and letting them clatter into your glass. โWeโre watching Hunter x Hunter right now, if youโre interested. Have you read or watched it before, either the 1999 or 2011 version? Do you have a favourite character?โ
Dabi clutched his snacks and discarded clothes to his chest, almost at the door, with his eyes darting all around the kitchen except on you.
Yeah. Must be shy. You were one of the U.A. students who fought in the war, after all, even though you didnโt personally fight him in the end. Probably feels guilty about the whole thing. Shy could be refreshing, after those bitches in the living room and your cunning soulmate.
Finally, tentatively, Dabi shifted his belongings to his right arm, and he raised his left to pat his throat, swallowing so that his Adamโs apple bobbed.
โOh,โ you said, ice melting in your hand, โIโm sorry. Are you on vocal rest? Vocal cords messed up somehow?โ
After a moment, Dabi nodded. He edged towards the hallway.
โOkay. I hope you feel better soon,โ you said, and you poured your lemonade over the ice. โIโve kept you long enough. Please go rest; I hope we donโt disturb you further.โ
Before you finished, heโd already skibbled off, his house shoes slipping on the wood.
***
(The second time youโd met Dabi hadnโt been as hands-on, but itโd still left an odd impression.
Itโd been in an urban jungle-type battle, after knowing his involvement the League but before his backstory reveal, and you and some classmates had been fighting a handful of PLF-aligned villains.
Youโd slithered underneath a lean-to created by a partially collapsed building to catch your breath, along with shielding yourself from an explosion Bakugou had been building up. You hadnโt even known Dabi was in the group you were chasing, but heโd slinked underneath the same, protective ruins as you had, barely slipping underneath the cover before Bakugouโs explosion had shaken it.
Dabi had braced himself on the crumbling entrance, scrunching his face away from the explosion, and once itโd stopped, heโd noticed you were barely two paces away from him, sweat dribbling down your face the same as itโd been down his.
You still didnโt know if his startled, constipated expression had been of recognition or simple surprise to see someone else taking cover under something that could collapse and kill them. Heโd taken in your U.A. gym uniformโyour personal hero costume had been in repairs that weekโand thereโd been a couple of heavy seconds where neither of you had done anything besides pant and let sweat drip onto the rubble.
He'd slipped out first, since heโd been blocking the entrance, and youโd left soon after. You hadnโt been five steps out of the lean-to before someone on the PLF side had destroyed it, and in the privacy of your heart, you liked to think that Dabi had waited until you were out to raze it.)
***
You made it a habit to call Touya whenever the soulmate bond activated. Though he never initiated a call, he answered most of yours. What else was he going to do, if it were on your side, besides sit there in the dark? He continued to be hold information about himself like a miser clutching coins, but you found it refreshing to have a charismatic grouch of a pseudo-pen pal.
Youโd closed the door of a library study room behind you as you called him this time, setting your stack of books on the table.
โYouโre finally reading something besides manga? I thought your brain was gonna rot,โ he said upon picking up.
You slung the strap of your purse over a chair. โNo greeting? No admittance of missing the melodious sound of my voice?โ
โWhy in the hell would I do that,โ he said over the screech of pulling out your chair.
โBecause you missed the melodious sound of my voice?โ You pulled out your notebook, flipped it to a new page, and fossicked around for a pen. Clicking the one you found, you reached for the first book in your stack, a rudimentary sign language dictionary, and you jotted down a list of common words as they came to you, such as thank you, help, and, of course, the all-important cat.
Touya clicked his tongue. โAre you seriously gonna make me study with you?โ
You made the final stroke in the word pudding. โI donโt expect you to absorb the information. If you rather I read manga, I can go to that section for a while. Pick out a shoujo.โ
โGet fucked with that otaku shit,โ said Touya, andโhe must have had his phone on speaker, because a couple of people were speaking to each other nearby about what must be the latest Assassinsโ Creed, and the sound changed after some scrapes, with Touya sounding closer. โWhy study sign language?โ
โThereโs someone in my life who recently became unable to talk all of the time,โ you said, โand Iโd like to help give him some way to communicate.โ
โJust text him,โ said Touya, โWellโnever mind. Whoโd wanna text you, anyway?โ
โSometimes, people put away their phones, Touya. Have you heard of it?โ You drew a line down the half of your paper to make a new column, one sorting the words in groupsโplaces, family members, requests, and the like.
โWhat are you getting out of it?โ Touya must have scratched somewhere on his face, the sound coming over the phone. โYou makinโ fun of him? Making him feel bad? If he wants to talk to you, he can just write shit down.โ
โI think he might hate it because of how slow it is. And what if I luck out, and he knows sign already? Then half of my work is done for me,โ you said, listing off all of the terms for family members, โText-to-speech may be okay, but I donโt know. Still slow.โ
โHe probably doesnโt even want to talk to you,โ said Touya, โlet alone learn something for you. Thatโs a lot to ask for someone you ainโt fuckinโ.โ
You hummed and ignored him. You titled a new column Body, and the first word under it was burns. Followed by healing, surgery, hands, skin, hurt, and rest. For the first time in a while, Touyaโs emotions were strong enough for you to feel, but you couldnโt name them. More like some pitiful, fearful soup, if anything, and other stuff you couldnโt put your finger on.
His voice still came in confidently derisive, though. โWhat kind of fucked up guy are you spreading your legs for, since those are what youโre writing down for his body? Seems like youโd be better off as a cocksleeve for someone else actually capable of fucking you.โ
โOh, rude! Rude!โ Scowling, you set down your pen. โThatโs rude to both me and him. Iโm not talking to you anymore. Enjoy studying, asshole.โ You flipped to a random page in the dictionary and started memorising, a bit too pissed to be productive for real, and you kept it upโif Touya were going to be here, then heโs not learning productive sign language, either. Try using marble and mare in everyday conversation, jackass.
Later, you caught yourself zoning out while staring at an entry, only shaking yourself out of it when Touya grumbled under his breath for you to turn the page already.
***
Todoroki paused the episode when the pizza arrived.
Moaning way too sensually, Kaminari stretched his arms above his head and arched his back. โMy electricity is cooler than Killuaโs, right? I have more swag than him?โ
โNo.โ
โIn your dreams.โ
โYikes.โ
โWrong,โ said Shinsou, pelting him in the face with a popcorn kernel.
Kaminari picked it up off the floor and ate it mournfully. โIโm getting beaten by a fictional twelve year old.โ
โIโm going to the bathroom,โ you announced, pushing yourself up from your seat between Shinsou and Monoma (which was just as well, since they were comparing scans of the current manga chapter over your lap), and you set off with the intention going to the farthest bathroom to increase your chances of bumping into Dabi.
No such luck, even though you deliberately stomped your slippers as loudly as you could to try to draw him out. Sighing, you backtracked to a tiny bathroom youโve used before, one that wasnโt as intimidatingly wealthy as the rest of the house and therefore actually felt like it was meant to be used, and you opened the creaking door onto an exhausted, shirtless Dabi trying to rub some sort of cream on the back of his neck, a massive jar open on the sink, blood seeping down his biceps at the strain around his staples.
Both of you froze. He took a quick glance to the gobs of cream on his hands and managed to kick the door shut from his seat on the closed toilet, but your foot caught in the door, which struck your nose and cheekbone, with you yelping and clutching the area.
โSorry! Iโm sorry,โ you said through the crack in the door, shakily dragging your bruised foot out of it, โI didnโt know anyone was even in this side of the house. Are you okay? No, wait, sorry againโyouโre bleeding; of course youโre not okay. Iโm sorry.โ You checked your nose for bleeding of your own, but nothing leaked out of your nose. โCan Iโmay I help with whatever youโre doing?โ
No answer. But he hadnโt shut the door.
โFine,โ you said, and you spoke into the crack, only able to make out the granite on the near side of the sink. โI donโt know whatโs going on with you nowadays, but I hope youโre doing okay. Or that youโll be okay soon, at least. I canโt begin to imagine what youโve been through, and Iโm sorry you had to go through it. But I can grasp, I think, that having a bunch of your brotherโs friends over can be intimidating and isolating. If nothing else, Iโd like to get to know you betterโor you could just get to know me better, if you donโt feel like sharingโso that having all of us over isnโt as terrible. Iโm sorry weโre bursting into your life when youโre working out a lot of stuff in recoveryโโ
Dabi yanked open the door, brow furrowed, and instead of looking at you, he clamped his slimy hands on the sink and stood on his toes to arch towards the mirror, opening his mouth wide to breathe hot air onto it, teeth bared, as if he were roaring. In its fleeting fog, he traced out kanji, streaked with lotion and hidden by his left hand as he wrote, and he blew over it a final time before stepping back and jabbing at the message.
Stop apologising.
โAhโoh,โ you said, while Dabi squatted and rooted through the cabinet under the sink, โOkay. Iโll try. Thank you for saying so.โ How do you talk to someone who was formerly 1) an S-tier villain and, more importantly, 2) your longest-running crush?
Dabi plopped a meagre first-aid kit on the counter and pointed to the source of bleeding on one of his arms, the inside bicep where two staples had come loose.
โI donโt know shit about first-aid,โ you said, reaching for the kit anyway, โI know you have to keep pressure on it, and stuff, butโโ
And so the first time Dabi looked you in the eyes was to shoot you an incredulous, suspicious glare that accompanied his snatching the kit back from you, clutching it out of your reach. Relaxing once it was in his hands, he hesitated a moment, shifting his jaw, before nudging the open jar of lotion with his knuckle, reverting to his fixed gaze on his feet.
โI can do that,โ you said, heart racing, โYou wannaโwhy donโt you sit back down?โ
Not lotion, you noted, as Dabi pulled out disinfectant wipes and a roll of gauze near its end, burn cream. Aw. You dipped your first three fingers into it (heavy, roll-around slimy, like holding a frog) and hoped to God that your soulmate didnโt tune in during this. Touya didnโt like a lot of things you did, but heโd probably loathe your gawking over the scarred back of someone who wasnโt him.
Yeah, Touya would probably hate how you would hone in, laser-sharp, each time Dabiโs muscles flexed as he wrapped his wound, how the space between his shoulder blades with the tiny dent along his spine (well, his spine indented at the top of his back, where he was broader and still held muscle, and poked out towards his lower back as he bent over) held your focus far too long to be impersonalโand you got to touch it. You kept the contact to your fingertips, because as much as you wanted to flatten your hands to feel every moving tendon, you didnโt want to scare him. Heโs probably not used to outside touch, and you shouldnโt come on too strongly, especially when someone elseโs soul was fucking bound to yours.
But as your fingers smoothed over the marks around his shoulders where burns used to be, skin cold to the touch, as Dabi turned his head to the side just barely so that he could watch you out of his periphery, you found it hard to remind yourself that you already had a Touya. Canโt have two.
โI know itโs none of my business, but, uh, if youโre on vocal rest this often, I couldโI could help you learn some sign language?โ You scratched underneath your eye in a nervous gesture and smeared some of the burn cream on your cheek. โNothing intensive. Only simple, everyday stuff, likeโwell. I donโt know what frequents your vocabulary. You donโt have to, but Iโm offering. Just in case.โ
In the mirror, Dabi halted in tying the gauze to glare up at you, his lip curling up in flash of a sneer.
โOkay, thatโs cool. Thatโs fine. I canโI can leave a sign language book with your brother, if youโif you ever change your mind.โ You nodded, just to have some sort of reaction he could see, and he tucked away the disinfectant wipes and tossed the empty roll of gauze into the trash bin. โHey,โ you said, noting how heโd only bled at his left arm, which was covered with mottled patches of skin, staples, and stitches, along with the faint diamond-pattern of skin grafts, while his right arm needed no medical attention, pale and unblemished without any sign of damage, โWhatโs up withโif youโre comfortable with sharing, why doesnโt your right arm have any scars? Was Recovery Girl able to heal that more effectively, or something?โ
Holding your gaze in the mirror, Dabi raised his eyebrows, nearly vanishing under the drooping, white spikes of his hair, and he reached over with his left hand to rub his thumb over his right shoulder and curving down into his armpit.
He actually laughed (a laugh through his nose, yes, and one without the humming sort of vocalisation usually accompanying a laugh through a nose, but a laugh nevertheless) at how hard you jumped when he popped off what was apparently a prosthetic.
***
โIf you hate gardening this much, why keep doing it?โ you asked, once again trapped in Touyaโs perspective late at night while he tended to a traditional, Japanese garden. You lay flat on your back in bed, hands and phone resting on your chest (laptop closed to the side. Your essay was due at eight oโclock in the morning. Would Present Mic accept late work due to soulmate interference?).
โLots of dumb fucking reasons that all fold in together,โ said Touya, shovelling gravel out of a wheelbarrow and into the man-made brook he was trying to shape, โOne: my stupid fucking family has decided that doing this earthy shit would calm me down. Zen gardening, or whatever.โ
โOh, do you have issues controlling your anger, Touya?โ
โStop that. Two.โ Gravel pittered off the shovel blade, falling into the trickling water with a series of tiny plops. โOne of my brothers brought up how Mom always liked the garden but was stopped from taking care of it herself, and since I did some shit toโitโs not like I couldโve helped it; they were keeping stuff from her, too. Anyway, Momโs fucking sad nowadays. Better, but sad.โ Touya sank the shovel into the gravel to lean on it, tracking the flow of the water for a moment, twisting through the previous path currently being overtaken by moss and fallen stone. โAnd my brother thinks the garden being fancy again will make our mom happy, especially if Iโm the one to do it. Dick. Saying if we hired people to do it, it wouldnโt be the same. Started with just the damn fish, but now the whole fucking thingโs my job. Itโs fucking shit. Itโs blackmail and family obligation and rent all at once. Itโs a fuckinโ nasty trick.โ
Touya dug into the wheelbarrow again. โAnd my faโthat guy had the nerve to suggest that I needed something to do during the day. As if Iโm not busy enough.โ
โDuring the day? Touya, Iโve only seen you garden at night.โ
โBecause itโs too damn hot outside all the time. And I donโt want anyone watching me. Iโm no oneโs business. But I bet theyโd like staring out of a window at me, while I break my fucking body again moving all of these shitty rocks and shaping Momโs fucking evergreens.โ He shovelled with deep malice. โDid you fucking know that thereโs goddamn symbolism in these shitty gardens? That you canโt just put things anywhere without it meaning something? Somehow ponds are supposed to be oceans. Rocks are supposed to be mountains. Forced perspective shit, paired with tenets of Zen and Shinto, and itโs the pettiest, most unnecessary bullshit Iโve ever had to deal with, and I dealt with a friendโs abominable driving for years. Never got any better at it, even though I got fucking motion sick.โ
He knelt, and when two, fat glops of Touyaโs sweat dripped onto the stone at the impact, you rather enjoyed the gentle wafting about your dorm room at the blades of your ceiling fan.
He must have felt your appreciation. โStop that. Iโm making a point. Look at this shit,โ he said, gesturing to the brook and then up at the three-quarter moon, โIโve gotta change the course of the water, because itโs better to face towards the moon to capture its reflection, and Iโve gotta make it somehow cascade or waterfall at some point over there.โ He pointed far across the garden towards a flickering pair of stone lanterns. โHow am I supposed to do that? I canโt even make it flow through gravel right. I might have to move some of the stepping stones again. I fucking hate those things. Theyโre too heavy for one person, and Iโve already had to rearrange them because some of them werenโt fucking weathered or natural-looking enough.โ
โSure. Death to aesthetics,โ you said, blindly feeling around for a pack of gum you kept in your bedside table, โIโd come help you if I could, but somebodyโโ
โYouโre not getting a location out of me, princess.โ
You paused, hand on the knob of the first drawer, and a wide, smug smile broke across your face (Princess, Touya? Youโre gonna call me princess? You sure you donโt care about me?).
โShut up.โ
โI didnโt say anything!โ
โI could feel it,โ said Touya, flexing his fingers on his knees, โso shut up.โ
Gloved hands clenched into fists, he glared at the brook, the gravel, up at the moon, and back into the water.
โYou know, it looks like if you moved most of the gravel to one side, the water might flow the direction you need it to.โ
โWhoโs the one busting their ass here, me or you?โ But he plunged his hands into the water, grabbed heaping fistfuls of rocks, and patted them onto the far side of the stone bed.
โTouya,โ you said, feeling around in your drawer for the pack of gum, โTake your gloves off! Youโre gonna ruin the leather.โ
โLike I care.โ He dragged more gravel underwater. โIf I took โem off, youโd see my hands.โ
โCome off of it, Touya. I bet theyโre perfectly fine,โ you said, successfully grabbing gum and sliding your drawer shut, โHands are often the most attractive part of a man.โ
He paused, water flowing around his arms up to his elbows (he wouldnโt roll up his sleeves, either. Stubborn boy. He must hate whateverโs going on with him). โNot the dick?โ He sounded like he was grinning.
โNot always. Some of them look like sad, sea creatures,โ you said, unwrapping your gum into your phoneโs speaker to annoy him, โIt takes talent to have a pretty cock. Hands, however, can easily be lusted over because of what theyโre capable of. Or what you know theyโve done.โ
(Hee hoo hah, like burn down a city. Youโre so normal about it.)
โNot how they look?โ
โAppearance can help, but itโs not the whole cow,โ you said, chewing while the flavour faded fast.
Touya scoffed, his fingers sinking into gravel. โYou makinโ fun of me?โ
What? โOf course not. Why?โ
โDonโt say shit like that to get on my good side. Iโm more than aware I ainโt got anything besides my shitty personality goinโ for me.โ He cleared his throat. โThat sign language guy got anything I donโt?โ
โIโm sorry?โ
โYou sure seem obsessed with him,โ said Touya, leaning more deeply into the water, soaking his hoodie even more, โeven though he sounds pathetic. You tryinโ to fix him to make yourself look good?โ
โOf course not. I know no one can fix anyone else. He has to choose to do that himself,โ you said, โNot that thereโs anything about him that merits fixing.โ
Laughing (oh? hot), Touya scooped a handful of gravel out of the wheelbarrow to add it to the far side. โYeah, youโre fucking obsessed with him. Am I not your soulmate?โ
You rolled your eyes, even though he couldnโt see it (andโฆyouโฆcouldnโt see it). โYou havenโt given me anything to obsess over, unless you want me to research gardening tips or how to breed carp.โ
โI would love for you to be obsessed with breeding, sweetโโ
โOh, my God, you have to ease into that sort of thing, Touya.โ
He pulled his hands out of the brook, drenched sleeves gushing water back into it. โDโyou want me to start with how much I wanna suck on your perfect tits?โ
โTouya,โ you said carefully, shoving the gum to one cheek, โIs everything okay? Youโre actingโstrange.โ
โWhat do youโโ
โWhereโs the blind hatred for me? Whereโs the disdain?โ
Sitting back on his knees, Touya shoved his leather-wet-dripping hands into the damp, double pocket of his hoodie with a muted slosh. โYou think I hate you?โ
โYouโre that rude to people you donโt hate?โ
Water seeped through the pocket and through his jeans, visibly darker in the moonlight and soaking his thighs. โFuck off. I meanโwhat I mean is that Iโm not used to people like you. Who donโt talk like me. Who arenโt mean to me back. Or who donโt seem to want anything from me. Didnโt know you really thought I was rude.โ
You screwed up your face. โWho have you been hanging out with? What the hell is wrong with you? Spend time with people who like you, please?โ
โNo one likes meโโ
โGet your head out of your ass, edgelord,โ you said, sitting up in bed and holding the phone up to your mouth, โNewsflash, dipshit, it sounds like lots of people like you. Your brother, who wants to help you make your mom happy, in an easy, physical way that youโre more than capable of. Your mom, who sounds like sheโs happier now that youโre back in her life. The rest of your goddamn family, who want you close by so that they can help you if you ever fucking accepted it. Your stupid friends who are into Assassinsโ Creed.โ
โStop fucking noticing things aboutโโ
โAnd me. I like you, dipshit. Get over yourself. Youโre digging yourself your own lonely, self-deprecating hole, where I guess youโre at your most comfortable. But tonight alone youโve shown in your garden that you fucking hate digging holes. They mean unnecessary work.โ
Inhaling sharply, you threw your phone into the bedspread, but all that came through was a distant deer scare, bamboo hitting rock.
โSince when do you like me?โ he asked, pushing on his knees to stand.
The artificial-yellow light from your lamp starting creeping in around the rim of your vision, blotting out parts of Touyaโs silhouette in the moonlight. โI talk to you, donโt I? I wouldnโt even acknowledge the bond if I werenโt open toโweโve been hanging out. You didnโt know?โ
โLike I would know what that looks like,โ said Touya, the walls of your room coming into view while Touya pulled his own phone out of his inner pocket, tapping the screen to see how long the call has lasted, โLike I would know how someone like you would behave when they like me.โ
โStay on the goddamn phone,โ you said in the moment his thumb hovered over the end call button, the last thing you made out before fully sinking back into your dorm room, โIf you donโt know what Iโwell, what does your love look like, Touya? What do you do when you like someone?โ
โSexually? Romantically?โ
โNot necessarily,โ you said, pissed to have the connection severed and sliding off of the bed to turn off the lights, โJust when you care for someone at all.โ
โGimme a minute,โ came Touyaโs voice, and after you flipped the lights and the ceiling fan off, you wandered over to your window, switched your phone off speaker, and held it to your ear as you stared up at the same moon Touya was under, and you waited.
โRight, I donโt know for sure,โ he said after a while (but it sounded like heโd stopped dealing with the gravel to think about it), โbut this is the only thing thatโs coming to mind. Before I was living at home again, me and some friends didnโt have consistent sources of food. Donโt interrupt to say youโre sorry. But. So, whenever Iโd, uh, buy stuff. From a store. Iโd make sure I got some sort of snack for whoever I was with, even though we were all too proud to ask for shit. Didnโt really think about doing it on purpose. But I guess I did.โ
โYou are deliciously, delightfully, tender as fuck,โ you said, clenching a fist over your heart, your boob jostling with the fervent impact (and it pleased you knowing that Touya wouldโve laughed if heโd seen), and you kept talking over his sounds of disapproval. โAnd I am gonna cook for you. I am going to set you a table so vast that youโre gonna be eating off it for a long, long time. Youโre never gonna be fucking hungry ever again, Touya.โ
When he didnโt answer, you worried you said the wrong thing, but you stayed on the line, listening. Two minutes later, he hung up, and you could have sworn he cut off in the middle of a wet sniffle.
***
What can you cook? What were you good at cooking that actually constituted a filling meal?
Start small, you supposed.
Fuyumi kept the Todoroki kitchen much more well-stocked than the kitchen to which you had access, and so, with welcome permission, you headed over to the estate earlier than the scheduled viewing time to prepare, with Shinsou and Todoroki hanging out in the kitchen with you.
โJirou says she can attend,โ said Todoroki, thumb swiping across his phone screen, โTurns out her tipping point was stating the merits of studying Melodyโs music powers. Sheโs asking if Yaoyorozu may attend as well?โ
โItโs your house.โ Shinsou was folding his napkin into an origami frog. โIf thereโs a need for excuses, you can always say Yao might likeโI forget his name, but heโs that character in the Phantom Troupe whose hair looks like a mop? She might like analysing how his power lets him copy anything, even though it doesnโt have the same limitations like her quirk.โ
โI will mention that,โ said Todoroki, nodding sagely.
The plan was simple: with a captive audience of anime nerds, you could get feedback on your cooking until it was good enough for Touya (a small part of you still cringed thinking about how he reacted to your potato wedges). You would lure your friends into a state of complacency with your smaller dishesโbaked goods, and the likeโuntil there was no escape when you served them something more filling, like soups.
Today, you were making teeny little lemon ricotta pancakes (the recipe called for them to be regular-sized, but if you made them around the size of a potato chip, it would be more accessible to eat with fingers in the living room) that gave you the air of being fancy but were actually mindless to make, it turned out, and right now, you were stirring the stewing blueberry syrup that youโd decided would be a dipping sauce rather than drizzled overโthe Todorokis had an excess of white furniture, and you would like to be invited to use their kitchen again.
โI think,โ you said, once the syrup was behaving like syrup when you let it dribble out of the ladle back into the pot, โIโm gonna take some to your brother. I donโt want him feeling left out, if he comes through. Heโs home right now, yeah?โ
โHeโs in his teahouse. Itโs towards the back of the garden.โ Todoroki got up from the table. โDo you want me to show you?โ
โIโm sure I can find it, since itโs the only building not connected to the main one,โ you said, but you did accept his help finding a tray and sauce cup for the syrup, and once it was set, you picked up the tray and strode with purpose towards the garden.
Walking through its seemingly-natural landscape while balancing food and liquids proved to be miraculously easy. Their hired gardeners must be doing insane upkeep to ensure its deliberate, natural-but-not cosiness. You made a mental note to ask Touya what some of the structures symbolised, like the recurring patterns of three rocks of different heights close together. Heโd know, reluctantly, since he did stuff like this, and you considered his work to be superior to this, anyway.
In the blistering sun, you had to narrow your eyes to slits, regretting that both of your hands were full so that you couldnโt shield them from the light, and you found a gated, stone path to the teahouse. Clearly, it had once been slightly dilapidated but had since been worked on; another room had been latched on to the side to double its size, judging by the change in architecture styles, and the roof reflected sunlight a little too well for its polished, stone tiles to be less than a year old.
Bracing the tray, you took the steep step onto the neatly swept, bamboo engawa running around the edge of the teahouse, and youโwas the door around to the side? Around the left side of the original part of the tearoom, two shoji panels had been spread to let in sunlight upon an empty room with an actual fucking sunken hearth, unlit, with one of the same fire-fish as on the estateโs roofs for the crankโs lever. Behind what would have been the seat of honour stood a dishevelled tokonoma, devoid of scrolls or incense burners but instead housing an unzipped backpack atop a long coat, its sleeves trailing onto the floor outside the tokonoma, with sticky notes taped to its inner wall. A red-tinted wood dresser had been pushed into the corner, tissues and hand sanitiser atop it and a single stack of books propped next to it.
A pair of boots was tucked inside the open shoji. Maybe heโs asleep.
At your first step inside, you jolted so hard you had to struggle to hold onto the trayโthe floor had chirped at you. Dead ringer for a bird call. Tentatively, you took another step, and it chirped again, this time with a bit of a wheeze, more artificial-sounding.
You jumped and stumbled again at another wall sliding open, giving the impression that a flock of birds had flown inside, and Dabi poked his head through the gap (you could make out the gleaming pause screen of a gaming system in the newer room behind him). His face had relaxed when heโd seen it was you, but it pinched into a strange, unnameable expression when he saw what you were carrying.
โHi,โ you said, holding out the tray, โIโve made too many snacks for the anime group today, so I thought you might like some? I can take it away, if you donโt want any.โ
Since he probably didnโt know the amount of people attending nowadays, he probably didnโt recognise your lie. Dabi held up a finger for you to wait while he exhumed a short table and two floor seats from storage in the walls, and he waited for you to sit before he did, slowly, crossing his legs on the cushion, his joints creaking.
โTheyโre little lemon ricotta pancakes. TodoโShouto told me you didnโt have any food allergies, so it should be fine. Thatโs blueberry syrup,โ you said when he pointed at it. โIโmโI guess you could say Iโm practising recipes for cooking for someone else. If you donโt like it, please let me know. Iโll make it better next time.โ
Dabi fiddled with two of the tiny pancakes before selecting one, inspecting it in the sunlight, and dipping it into the syrup (you went a little crazy when it dripped onto his tongue stitches, but you managed to suppress it). As he chewed and swallowed loudly, Dabiโs eyes bulged, brow furrowed, and he, panicked, fumbled around for probably his phone, patting the pockets on his jeans. Hands pausing after slapping the empty pockets on his ass, he sprung up, grabbed a pen off of the dresser, and snatched a sticky note off of the inner wall of the tokonoma. He returned to the table and knelt half on the seat, scribbling furiously, and when he pushed the sticky note to you, under a crossed-out potting soil, sledgehammer, heโd written fuck you marry me NOW.
Thereโs a moment in which you forgot, a moment in which you laugh, head tilted back, flooded with endorphins at your long-time, pseudo-celebrity crush liking something you made to even joke about being in a relationship with you. You opened your mouth to make some joke about how youโd like to go on a few dates first, to have some sort of courtship, but you stopped at the first word: โTouya.โ You cut yourself off, brow pinched. You canโt have two.
Not thatโฆnot that Dabi/Touya could ever genuinely like you, who fought against him and now witnessed his debasement, but in the far-flung chance that he could, you should clarify about your Touya.
โTouya,โ you said again, this time sober and grim, hands folded on your lap, โI know you were only joking, but I was in a quirk-related incident a while ago, and it assigned me a soulmate. So, even if you could like me, Iโve got someone waiting. Presumptuous of me to say, I know, but. I want to treat you with kindness and not make you wonder, in the case it arises. Funnily enough, his name is Touya, tooโโ
Your phone rang loudly in your back pocket (you kept it on loud nowadays so you could easily feel around for Touyaโs call, but itโd led you to awkward moments like this, too). Dabi scowled when you brought it out to silence it and dipped another pancake in the syrup, letting it absorb what it could to tinge it purple.
โItโs him, actually. Odd timing.โ Lying flat in your palm, your phone flashed an incoming call from Touya. Leaning across the table, Dabi grabbed it out of your hands to answer it, put it on speaker, and lay it in the centre of the table while he ate his soggy pancake, shaking his head when you moved to undo all of that.
โHey,โ came a tinny, raspy voice that was very much not your Touyaโs, โYouโre the soulmate, right?โ
Dabi shouldnโt have to hear this. Before you could tap the speaker button again, Dabi swatted your hand out of the way, gesturing for you to answer.
โUh, yeah,โ you said, shifting in your seat, โWho are you? Whereโsโโ
โTell Touya he left his phone at my place the next time you see through him.โ A repetitive, techno instrumental played in the background (video game music?). โAt Shiiiiiiiimuraโs place. Yeah.โ
โI can do that, Shimura,โ you said, unsure if you should hold out the vowel as long as he did, and perhaps you can take advantage of the situation for a brief moment, because Dabi was staring at your phone with a constipated sort of expression as he listened. โI canโt control when the bond activates, but Iโll let him know. Do you know what sort of food he likes?โ
Shimura barked out a laugh, filling the room in a wide, cleansing way you wouldnโt expect from someone with his scratchy voice. โI heard your potato wedges are shit.โ
You sputtered, โHe didnโt even have anyโโ
Dabi ended the call, frowning, shaking his head, and tipping your phone off the table to gently bounce twice when it hit the tatami. He held up a tiny pancake and made a show of looking at it, at you, and back at it, and he shot you an aggressive thumbs-up.
***
Uraraka spent an entire patrol gushing about how she would fuck the author of Hunter x Hunter if she could, so she showed up to the next get-together, along with Asui, whom everyone already thought would be friends with the storyโs protagonist if he were real. When you Aoyama caught you in the act of stealing one of his posh cookbooks, you explained the situation to him, and so he tagged along to taste what you were cooking, along with supplying some of the fancier ingredients you wouldnโtโve known how to obtain. Then youโd asked Sato for advice on how to make the swirl in a strawberry swirl loaf not go to shit, and then the group had spent a few hours discussing the good relationships with animals that Hunters are inherently supposed to have, so Kouda was summoned for his opinions.
The long of short of it was that there were many more spectators than necessary to when Dabi strode into the viewing room, drenched in sweat from his walk back home, to pelt the back of your head with a two-pack of Sakeru cheese. As you rubbed the back of your head, pulling the cold plastic from between your shirt collar and skin, he at least had the decency to drop the single-wrapped fish bread into your lap.
โHey, Touya,โ you said, grabbing his hand before he could skitter away as usual (his wide eyes couldnโt decide to look at both of your hands or at your face), โIโve set aside slices of both strawberry swirl bread and garlic bread for you in the kitchen. I recommend heating the garlic bread up so the cheese gets all melty again, but itโs good at room temperature, too. Thank you, by the way. For these.โ
Nodding hastily, Dabi tore his hand away from your in two, spasming jerks, and he slithered into the kitchen.
Though the rest were watching the show, Shinsou was turned towards you, his head tilted with an incredulous sort of smile. You stuck your tongue out at him and crinkled open the cheese.
Dabi returned with both slices on a paper towel and stood behind you at the couch for a minute, watching the episode. Shifting his weight, he pulled out his phone. โThis is garbage,โ came a droning, text-to-speech voice from behind.
He stood behind the couch for three more episodes.
***
Through another moonlit, soulmate connection, Touya was failing to prod stray ducks out of the koi pond with the skimmer.
โTheyโre tenacious little bastards,โ you said, sitting on the counter of the dorm kitchen and praying to God that the oven timer wouldnโt go off while you couldnโt see.
โWhy. Wonโt they. Move.โ Touya nudged a duck with the flat of the skimmer, its width as long as the entire duck, and the duck kept gabbing to its friends. โI have no idea if ducks upset the chemical balance of the water enough to kill koi; Iโve never seen them in here before ten minutes ago. Goddamn.โ He waved the skimmer over the waterโs surface, filtering some debris, and he flipped it onto a duck, who remained vexingly apathetic at the new source of wet. โTonight was gonna be easy; I was only gonna put up windchimes; I was gonna get to go to bed early. Now Iโno, no, no, donโtโ!โ
One duck bit at the skimmer net, and having pierced it, the duck led the rest of them to the centre of the pond, where the skimmer couldnโt reach, no matter how Touya strained.
โI fucking hate birds,โ said Touya, slamming the skimmer on the ground, โand I fucking hate fish. Theyโre not even good when theyโre alive.โ Seeming to have a change of heart, Touya picked the skimmer up and took care to lean it against the stone wall of the pond. โTell me something good, wonโt you?โ
Does that imply you donโt have to work on any fish dishes? โYouโll be thrilled to hear that my little anime analysis group is almost through the Hunter x Hunter anime, probably. We got to the end of the 1999 version last night.โ
Touya sat and splayed his legs on the koi pond stone, watching the moonโs reflection ripple as koi tails broke surface tension. โThatโll only make your process more streamlined, since youโre not watching two episodes covering the same chapters in conjunction anymore. The Chimera Ant arc takes forever, though. Youโre not almost done.โ
Groping around for your oven mitts, you smiled. โHow do you know that, Touya? Thought you hatedโโ
โWhat are you going to watch next?โ
Stupid boy. Shy boy. โWell, Sero is pushing for Pokรฉmon since thereโs so much of it.โ
โGod, no,โ said Touya, leaning back on his hands, โIconic, yeah. Fun, not really, because in the games, youโre the one getting to battle and bond with the things. Itโs not fun to watch someone else get to do it.โ
โI can rely on you for negative reviews of everything.โ Oven mitt? Oven mitt. Now, whereโs its pair? โYou want a pokรฉmon, Touya? Which ones?โ
โYou are such a fucking childโโ
โYou want a pikachu, donโt you?โ
โHell, no,โ Touya spat, โNone of that clichรฉ shit. Pikachu isnโt even that good. Iโโ Cutting himself off, he hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his gloved hands together. โYouโll shit on me for it. Forget I said anything.โ
โShould I let you make fun of me first?โ You slipped on the other mitt. โIโm clichรฉ as hell. My top choice is either a certain starter or an eevolution.โ
โNo, Iโโ
โAll right. How about you tell me your favourite as a kid and the one you would choose now?โ
โYouโre pushy as hell. When I was a kid, I wanted a Ninetales. I wasโmy mom had read enough for me to know about traditional kitsune,โ said Touya, and he ducked his head to stare between his legs (crotch unfortunately hidden in shadow), โand Ninetales is immune to fire. It can use it and not burn up, and itโs not affected by outside fire attacks.โ
The memory of rubbing burn cream across Dabiโs shoulders and how delicate his skin looked surfaced. You wouldnโt wish that on anyone. โYou scared of being burned, Touya?โ
Touya kicked the stone beneath his boot, scuffing it. โJust seems like itโd be neat.โ
โPerfectly reasonable,โ you said, wrapping your muppet-y, mitted hands around the oven handle in preparation for whenever it would go off, โand a perfectly logical pokรฉmon to latch onto. Itโs fairly popular. I donโt see how Iโm supposed to make fun of you for that.โ
โSure.โ Touya bent farther to re-tie his bootlaces. โI like my current choice for a dumb as hell reason, though. Shiiiiiiiimura,โ said Touya, yanking the laces tightly (and he dragged out Shimuraโs name, too. Was that the proper pronunciation?), โwas trying to hype us up for something stupid we had to do that some of our friends were scared of. Shimuraโs teacherโโscuse me, abusive fucking manipulative shithead of an adoptive fatherโwanted him to make a speech to show leadership, or some bullshit. Instead, Shimura pulled out his phone and showed us someoneโs video of playing one of the early Pokรฉmon games, for the battle at the end to win the game. And to defeat the last bossโs toughest Dragonite, the player used thisโฆthis fuckinโ weak-ass, all-around insignificant pokรฉmon picked up from the beginning of the game, and it fuckinโ won. It won against the toughest opponent, andโand Shimura was saying, oh, the Venomoth is us, and we can win against our big-ass enemy, oh, ho, hoโโ
โExcuse me. A Venomoth? You only use them temporarily at the beginning of the game, when you donโt have anything cool yet. They fucking suck.โ
โSee, youโre making fun of me. Iโm not going to say anything else.โ Touya leant back on his hands again, this time crossing his legs to prop his ankle on his opposite knee.
โNo, IโmโIโm sorry. Sorry. First impressions. But youโre convincing me. Go on. Iโm listening.โ
Touya flicked water towards the ducks. โAre you gonna keep insultingโโ
โI wonโt! I wonโt,โ you said, sliding off the kitchen counter to stand directly in front of the oven, โSo, Venomoths. I hear theyโre fantastic.โ
Touya rolled his eyes, and it was cute, you thought, how you had to follow the motion, seeing the moon at the upwards roll and back at its reflection in the pond. โYeah. I bet Shimuraโs forgotten all about it, but it stuck with me. Not immediatelyโat the time it was stupid, and to be fair, itโs still stupid. But now that Iโm back here, living at home, itโsโitโs stupid. Itโs, like, if that stupid fucking bug can defeat a goddamn dragon, then I can tend the garden. I can keep that stupid tsukubai clean. I can hang out with my brother. I can fuckingโโ He cut himself off again, this time striking the water hard enough to splash one of the ducks (it quacked at him with disdain and simply swam a couple of centimetres away).
โDo what, Touya?โ The oven timer started beeping, and you tensed. โHold on; donโt say anything. Donโt sayโI have to concentrate; Iโm getting stuff out of an oven.โ
Touya stirred the pondwater with his ring and middle fingers while you blindly approximated the logistics of getting the tray out of the oven, and by standing at the ovenโs side inside of reaching into it from the front, you were eventually able to remove the tray and rest it on the counter above itโyouโre not going to bother feeling around for the pot holders.
When you sighed in relief once youโd closed the oven again, Touya asked, โWhat are you cooking?โ
โStrawberry cheesecake muffins,โ you said, frowning in the trayโs general direction, โTheyโre supposed to have a marbling effect, and Iโm supposed to be putting on some sort of streusel-type sugar on top right now, but Iโm not gonna risk it. I hope theyโre done. You have to trust the recipeโs bake time with cheesecakes exactly, so Iโm hoping itโs the same forโโ
โI am gonna make you come so hard,โ Touya was saying in a strained sort of way as he ran his hands down his face, โI am gonna fuck you so hard that you leave in a permanent dent in my mattress. I am gonna hold you and kiss the back of your neck and make you cry out as you gush around my fingers. Youโreโyouโre so fucking perโI am gonna take care of you back.โ
โCool.โ Right, so bake the muffins again at some point. โDo you have any food allergies?โ
โIโm allergic to you not saying anything hot in response to what I just said.โ
Sure, Touya. โIโm also gonna make you this really sexy tomato soup with what the recipe calls a grilled cheese top. Itโs got cheesy bread cut into chunks that coat the surface so that you canโt even see the red, and it melts into the soupโโ
โStop, I can only get so hardโโ
โShow me your cock, then.โ
โNo,โ said Touya, deliberately looking at a trio of fish convening near the pondโs surface, their o-shaped mouths blorbing and blobbing underneath the water towards Touyaโs waving fingers, โI meantโwell, first, you are gonna make that soup, plโpleaseโbut I meant thatโI mean.โ He twirled his finger under the water, and the koi were fascinated. One of them kissed his finger. You were feeling a similar impulseโand perhaps thatโs what prompted Touya to continue. โI came the first time someone stuck their tongue in my mouth.โ
It occurred to you that anyone could be walking by the dorm kitchen to overhear. Now that the muffins were out of the oven, you elected to turn off the speaker setting to hold you phone to your ear. โIโm sorry, what?โ
โI was sixteen and insane with hormones, and it hadnโt been long since Iโd woken up fromโwell. When someone kissed me with tongue for the first time, I came in my pants. Taken completely by surprise that someone was even kissing me, that someone could even want me when I look likeโand then that. We were outside, on a public bridge, during the day. I havenโt seen that fucker since.โ
You had been contemplating whether itโd be worth fumbling around for a knife to ease the muffins out of the tray, but all cogs stopped at Touyaโs story. โWhy are you telling me this?โ
โSo youโll tell me something back. I already told you some embarrassing shit about pokรฉmon and shit, so you have to embarrass yourself back. Youโre the one who brought up cocks, anyway. Soโso you have to share something back,โ said Touya, allowing a fish to rub up against his hand in a pseudo-sort of petting it, โSomething about when you were young and stupid.โ
โAnd preferably sexual, right? I know what youโre about, you shy, baby boy.โ
โFfffffuck that.I ainโt shyโโ
โYou wonโt show me your face, Touya. Youโre scared for me to see it. Shy boy.โ
Touya scratched along the side of the koi like it wanted, and another nudged the back of his hand to be scratched, too. โFuck off.โ
โIโve only told one other person about my first kiss,โ you said, moving to sit on the counter again, โWanna hear that story?โ
โFine,โ said Touya, and he pulled his hand out of the pond, flicking water off his fingers and into the open, mournful mouths of the koi heโd been petting. โYou had better be about to tell me about seeing through me at that coffee shop.โ
โCome off of it, Touya; isnโt it better for me to have outside experience and still choose you regardless? My first kiss was way before that,โ you said, hoping how pleased you were at his mild possessiveness was being transferred to his side of the bond, โand I didnโt even know the guyโs name at the time. And it wasโit couldโve turned really bad, really quickly. Because my first kiss was with Dabi, before he made his villain debut.โ
โDoโhuh?โ Touya shook his head, causing you to wince and steady yourself at the dizziness. โBeg pardon? Beg your fucking pardon? I didnโtโknow that that Dabi guy went around kissing people.โ
โHe did at least once. It was back in freshman year, and I was out at night during my hero internship.โ Getting comfortable on the kitchen counter, you crossed your legs and leant against the cabinets to support your back, exhaustion kicking in. โSome older sidekick hit on me in what was an exceedingly creepy wayโhe made it pseudo-incestuous by saying I reminded him of his daughter. In retrospect, the interaction could have gone much, much worse, if Dabi hadnโt inadvertently rescued meโscratch that, it may have been intentional, looking back, because heโd said stuff about the sidekick being a shitty father, and now heโs, uh, let us know about his own dad.โ
It took Touya a moment. At least he wasnโt shaking his head anymore. โAre you saying Dabi burnt some guy to death in front of you, and you still kissed him?โ
You sucked in through your teeth. โNot exactly. I didnโt know it at the time, but he was testing out a nomu, and that ripped the other guy to pieces. Andโthis is gonna sound wildโI think Dabi may have kissed me to comfort me? I know it was a distraction from the gore and from getting a good look at the nomu, but I think he may have also done it to calm me down. It wasโoddly sweet.โ
Touya gripped the edge of the stone wall, his fingers dipping into water (but not deep enough to remoisten his leather gloves) and koi swarming. โWhat did the nomu look like?โ
Even though you couldnโt see it, you held your phone away from your ear for a second to shoot it an incredulous look. โWhaโTouya, werenโt you going to ask if he were a good kisser, or something?โ
His knuckles popped when he clenched his fingers and asked flatly, โWas he a goodโโ
โYouโre better.โ
โThanks,โ he said, not sounding like he cared about that at all, letting a koi drag his hand into the water by biting his finger, โWhat did the nomu look like?โ
โGod, I donโt fucking know. That wasnโt important to me. I, uhโit was around the size of a good-sized dog, like a golden retriever or a lab. I donโtโI guess it walked on all fours,โ you said, wondering why the fuckโoh, the dizziness must not have come only from Touya shaking his head, because itโs sweeping over you again, waves emanating from the bond. โNow that Iโve seen other nomu, I can recognise that its head looked whacky because its brain was exposed, and I think its skin was more green-tinged than the others who had that navy-black colour going on. Honestly, Touya, I wasnโtโโ
Through the phone came such a strident, alarming crack that you halted mid-sentence to listen for it again. Itโd come from Touyaโs side, clearly, but nothing in his line of vision betrayed its source, althoughโand you would not have noticed this if you hadnโt been scanning his environment for any hintโsomething that looked like split glass frosted the inside of Touyaโs fist before he unclenched his hand a second later, any illusion of something there melting into the water.
But something was wrong. โTouya?โ
โYou still see that Dabi guy when you watch anime at Shoutoโs house, yeah? Stay on the line,โ he said, darkness of the bond fading drabbling at the edges of his vision from your perspective.
โI am,โ you said, uncrossing your legs, โI do.โ
โWhat do you think of him? Ugly fucker, isnโt he?โ Touya fell still as a duck approached him as it navigated through the water lilies, and Touyaโs outstretching his hand to its head was the last thing you saw before the bond gave out. โStill as pathetic as he was in the war? Think he should be in prison?โ
โNegative reviews of people, negative reviews of television, negative reviews of potato wedgesโso cool, bro. Now say something true and beautiful.โ
โAnswer me, damn it.โ A disgruntled quack.
โYouโd better not be strangling that duck.โ
โYou think so little of me? Do you want me to put the duck on the phone?โ
โI donโt think it could sit comfortably,โ you said, pushing yourself off the counter and walking to the knife drawer now that you could see, โI see Dabi every once in a while when Iโm at Todorokiโs house. Heโs shy. I donโt mind. Itโs not my place to assume anything, but. I donโt think heโs doing okay, since it seems like heโs spent a good part of his life wanting someone to look at him, to pay attention, and now heโs getting that in a way he probably didnโt anticipate, and I want him to be okay. I think Iโd like to help him get there, if heโd let me. But I know Iโm nobody important to him, and thatโs fine.โ
โSounds a lot like pity,โ said Touya, and when you made a noise of protest, he kept going. โOr maybe youโre fucked up enough that you like him? From when he kissed you?โ
You couldnโt exactly tell your soulmate that youโve been suppressing naรฏve, celebrity-crush-type feelings for someone else. โWell,โ you said, grimacing as you slid knife edge between a muffin and the tray and started to remove it, โHeโs very babygirl-coded.โ
***
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
looked it up. definition of babygirl does NOT help
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
incidentally
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
what should a guy wear to impress someone
YOU
a guy? or you specifically?
YOU
because i am, of course about to suggest the golden standard of rolling up thy sleeves to thy elbows, but you wonโt even showing your fucken hands asldkjfa;
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
gloves necessary.
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
but think formal. formal setting.
YOU
why are YOU going to a formal event?
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
have to. blackmail/family obligation/rent.
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
open to suggestions. about style more than brand, because if I go too expensive, my dad will think Iโm making him pay a lot as sabotage.
YOU
and here i was about to recommend that you go skinny-dipping in a vat of liquid gold
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
you just wanna see my cock, donโt cha
YOU
what makes you think IโD be invited to some shitty formal event
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
Iโm betting youโd hear about it on the news
YOU
i think iโd be more interested in what food is provided
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
โฆ
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
no, I shanโt say
YOU
is this a cum joke
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
but seriously. what should I wear. assume I will do something awful and evil and that you will see the outfit on the news when I get arrested.
YOU
touya, how would i recognise you. idk what YOU even look like. not that it matters, i guess. all that matters is that you wear something that fits you well. you donโt need to impress me; youโve already won me over
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
i what
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
wait what do you MEAN it doesnโt matter
YOU
does it help get it through your thick head if i tell you that you are also babygirl-coded? perhaps not even coded but genuinely babygirl??
TOUYA ๐ ๐ท
it does not.
***
Adjusting your lace shawl, you gripped Shoutoโs arm as the both of you furtively sneaked away from the hordes of pro-heroes, industry workers, and flashing press to slink back to the enormous table of hors d'oeuvres to see how many of them you could pack into your purse and his strategically planned inner coat pocket, sewn into the inside of his lapel for the occasion.
When Shouto had invited you to this ghastly awards ceremony for Endeavor, heโd claimed his motivation was that so he could talk to you about how the 2011 Hunter x Hunter anime was wrapping up, since he (flatterer!) said you had the best interpretations of certain characters, unlike some of your classmates, and Shouto tempted you with how you could stake out whatever posh food they had for you to try to recreate later. So, youโd dug out the dress youโd only worn to All Mightโs official retirement party and agreed to attend.
Those present were a strange conglomeration of people, since the public opinion of Endeavor has been odd and tenuous lately. Essentially, the handful of attendees you knew were busy ingratiating themselves to people youโve never seen before but they evidently were acquainted with, so those with whom you could hold an actual conversation with were scattered and few.
However, you didnโt even need to bring a book, because once you and Shouto had settled at a back table with both of your plates stacked with the most variety you could fit on them, he deadass pulled out his anime analysis notebook, which was starting to resemble Midoriyaโs quirk analysis notebooks in terms of extensiveness and insanity, with lines crossing several pages to connect ideas. As you discussed where the two of you thought the characters were going, you had your own notebookโa new one, this one for recipes, and whenever either of you thought one of the appetizers was interesting, you wrote it down.
You were chewing on what Shouto had informed you was a water chestnut when the chair on your other side was pulled out with a screech against the tile, and Todoroki Touya plopped into it, his legs hardly having the time to spread before swiping a piece of candied salmon from your plate. The instant he bit down into it, his nose scrunched up.
โItโs fish, Touya,โ said Shouto, dipping his own cruditรฉ in a tiny bowl of raspberry vinaigrette, and he passed his napkin to him. Touya spat the salmon into it, bunched it up, and edged it underneath the edge of your plate.
On your list, you wrote no fish! at the top, but before you even lifted your pen from the paper, you froze. The list wasnโt for this Touya; it was for your Touya. You crosshatched it out, trying to remember if your Touya had ever said anything about liking fish. Heโd said he hadnโt, right? He didnโt like them alive, at the very least.
Shouto chomped down harshly, the crunch of raw celery distinct even through his closed mouth. โWhat brings you over here, Touya?โ
He already had the text-to-speech function pulled up on his phone, and he held a parmesan palmier between his teeth as he typed. โPeople were asking Natsuo and Fuyumi about what theyโre doing with their lives. It was only a matter of time before they got to me. Donโt wanna hear anyone else describe the nothing Iโm doing. At least I know you guys are too busy talking about nerd crap to shit on me.โ
โOh, sweet boy,โ you said, pursing your lips, โYouโre in recovery. Thatโs enough. You donโt have to do anything to be worthwhile.โ Wait. Fuck. You donโt talk to this Touya this way. Reel it back.
Crumbs fell from his mouth to the tablecloth. โThe hell is wrong with you?โ he typed.
Yeah, reel it way back. You elected not to respond, instead biting with difficulty into a brie/fig/prosciutto crostini and not being able to taste any of it.
โWould you like to discuss some so-called nerd crap with us?โ Shouto arranged his notebook father across the table to be more in the middle of the three of you. โI know itโs been a while since you read Hunter x Hunter, but itโs been on hiatus so long that thereโs not much new information that you need to know.โ
โHey,โ you said, rushing to swallow, โYouโve read this before? How come you havenโt been sitting in to watch stuff with us?โ
Touya shot Shouto a dark look, tongued a chunk of palmier into his cheek, and furiously typed on his phone. โIโm not interested in that shit anymore. Itโs for kids.โ
Shouto looked taken aback. โThis is news to me. Do I have permission to take your manga volumes out of the house, then?โ
โFuck you,โ Touya had already typed while Shouto was talking.
You bit back a smile. Youโve been borrowing a former, major villainโs manga? Cute. โBut if you read it a while back, that means youโve had more time to think about the characters,โ you said, resting your elbow on the back of your chair as you shifted to face him, โMost of us are absorbing the story for the first time. Itโd be cool to hear what you think.โ
That parmesan palmier had looked good. Trusting this Touya on his taste, you wrote it on your list to investigate later, while he typed his response.
His expression fell flat enough to match the robotic tone. โDo you just want to hear me project my daddy and mommy issues onto the characters in the Zoldyck family?โ
โNo, Touya,โ you said, laughing, โYou have valuable things to say across the board, and I want to listen.โ You almost nudged his knee with yours, but you had to stop yourself, something dark swirling in your chest. This wasnโt your Touya. Youโre not allowed to.
His eyes flicked down towards the movement, but he didnโt comment. Shifting his jaw, he slipped off his white tuxedo jacket to drape it over the back of his chair, and for some reason, his gaze kept darting to you while he rolled the sleeves of his button-down up to his elbows, but he tried to give the appearance of being very focused on whatever skewered meat and pineapple was on the rim of your plate.
You were frowning. Fuck this. Fuck him. Touya was probably one of those guys who knew their effect on women, so he would know about the rolling-sleeves-to-elbows move. And fucking hell, was it effective for him, because the way heโs lost a lot of weight but was currently gaining it back made the tendons in his forearms much more noticeable when they tensed and strained, and the asymmetry of the burns and scars up his left arm in comparison to the smoothness of his prosthetic right only made him even more horribly, horribly attractive, and you were pissed about it, only getting more furious as he wrapped his tongue around the base of the first pineapple chunk and used his teeth to maneuver it off of the stolen skewer, hooded eyes staring you down. This Touya can act like a fucking slut, sure, but your Touya wonโt even show you his goddamn hands.
โHey, watch out.โ You scratched your forehead in an attempt to conceal how enraged you were. โIโve already had one of those. That lump at the end is an overly-breaded coconut shrimp. Soโfishโbe careful,โ you finished lamely.
Touyaโs hands and mouth were full with the skewer. Unable to type on his phone, he shifted the skewer to his left hand, flattened his right, and tapped his left wrist with itโthe JSL sign for thank you.
You nodded and didnโt think anything of it for a moment, but when it hit you, you seized up and stared at him, chest swelling, proud and confused and frozen. Getting a little lightheaded, actually, but oh, God, who wouldnโt at the sight of Todoroki Touya, quiet and subdued but still suave as fuck, sitting so close to you in a freshly dishevelled white tuxedo that fit like it was custom-made for him, smelling so, so good and smiling with his perfect teeth (how are they that good when he was with the League for so long?), leaning towards you to steal your food and showing that heโd been paying attention to you, that heโd taken the JSL book youโd left with Shouto, that heโd thought about you when youโve been apart and cared enough to try to learn something new with you, and you were going to kiss him; he deserved it; you were going to grab that stupidly adorable face andโno, that lightheadedness was also stemming from the soulmate bond activating.
Nausea swept through you for more than one reason. If your Touya discovered you were fighting the urge to kiss someone else, let alone the other Touya, thenโyou didnโt know. You didnโt know how youโd ever recover. Please let this be from your perspective, so he canโt feel your feelings, please.
โI have to go,โ you said, pushing up on the table to stand, not even bothering to flash Shouto the soulmate hand signal. You had to get away. No matter if it were from your perspective or his, distance would help you suppress your fucking shameful crush on your friendโs older brother.
Good God, you were crossing the streams, you noted and fumed as you escaped onto a vacant alcove. Because they have the same goddamn name, your brain has been conflating the two of them. Shut up. Youโre only allowed to have one Touya. Two would be greedy and dismissive of the soulmate bond in the first place.
Vertigo struck you so severely that you had to brace yourself against the nearest column, but you swopped to the balcony railing because you could grasp it and put most of your weight on it, and because your brain was swimming, you hand to get on your knees to wait for it to pass. โNo, you canโt,โ you said, trying your hardest to push thought of that Touya out of your head in case your Touya could feel them, โYou canโtโthat one doesnโt need to be in a romantic relationship right now. Heโs working on himself. Itโd fuck him up.โ And ohhhh, you left your phone at the table, so you couldnโt call your Touya, and fuck, you didnโt want him to feel confused or betrayed because you werenโt calling himโ
โWhose future are you deciding, here?โ
Your Touya. He was here?
You opened your eyes to the sight of the balcony and the garden below, thank fuck. Okay, you could work with this. You could work with this; heโs not supposed to be able to feelโ
His voice came from close behind you, as if he were leaning on another side of the column. โWhatโs got you feeling this guilty?โ
Holy shit holy shit, has the bond evolved? Can feelings be felt from both sides regardless of perspective? โHey, Touya.โ
โDonโt turn around,โ he said, even though youโd made no movement to.
โCan you see?โ
โOnly through you, angel. Otherwise, Iโm in the dark.โ With the sounds of clothes shifting, Touya must have crouched behind you, joints cracking. A fingerless-gloved hand brushed down your arm, and he moved your lace shawl out of the way to stroke your bare skin. Your mind was already going haywire at your betrayal, and his cold, gentle touch was not helping. โWhatโs wrong, hm?โ He adjusted himself again behind you so that he could wrap his other arm around your waist, pulling you back into him, and his cool, rough lips pressed against the curve of your neck as he rested his head there.
You were going to cry. Youโll do it. For real, this time.
โDid that Todoroki Touya guy bother you? I saw him sitting at your table.โ
God, no, he brought up whom you were trying to avoid, and you cringed, hating yourself as Touyaโs hand sank down your arms to entwine his fingers with yours, rumpled shirtsleeves grazing your bare skin and leather gloves curbing the maximal skin-to-skin contact.
โHeโs so fucked up that I wouldnโt be surprised if you hated him,โ Touya was saying into your ear, โI could grind him into a pulp for you. Heโd deserve it, wouldnโt he, for what he did to everyone? And I was burning up with jealousy from across the room; someone as pretty as you shouldnโt have such a hideous thing by your side.โ
You made a noise from the back of your throat. You didnโt know, and you especially didnโt need the one person you were trying to hide your internal conflict from while you were actively trying to work out the internal conflict. First things first, you supposed. โTouyaโs not fucking ugly.โ
Your Touya snorted against your neck, hot air washing down the hollow of your throat. โI forgot how twisted you are. But thereโs no way you could actually like him, right?โ
โI canโt,โ you said, releasing the balcony to clench your fists on your knees, โI canโt like him. He needs to discover who he is as an individual before he finds out how he functions in a relationship. He doesnโt need romanceโor me, at this point in his life.โ
โInteresting,โ he said, more clearly now that his mouth wasnโt muffled against your skin, โSounds like you think somethingโs wrong with him. Like heโs not whole. And isnโt he broken? Youโd have to be, if you pulled the shit he did, burning cities to the ground and murderingโโ
โShut up,โ you said, hunching in on yourself, โYouโre donโt know. Youโre believing what other people have told you about him. Youโre justโyouโre just like people who talk about that nerd shit you hate without checking the source material. Theyโll talk about certain characters in terms of false narratives theyโve crafted, and theyโll talk about them for so long that the false information becomes conflated with the characters, with everyone thinking the wrong stuff is real. Iโfuck.โ You winced, but he was listening, his free hand winding around your neck to adjust the migrant clasp on your necklace to the back of your throat. โI know my ideas of Touya stem from propaganda, but I want to learn about him from him. Just based on what Iโve seen, thereโs so much out there thatโs wrongโitโs even subconsciously perpetuated in his own home, since the shrine where his family mourned him is still there. And I hate it. I hate it, because he seems so lovable, but so are you, and I hate myself because I want to love only you, because youโre my soulmate, and Iโm so, so, so goddamn terrified that youโre gonna reject me and leave me alone forever now that Iโve betrayed you. By feeling stuff for someone else.โ
You were crying. You were crying, nose stopping up, and Touya kissed your throat, over the clasp of your necklace. โRejectionโs a bitch. I know that,โ he said under his breath, โSo, Iโm not gonna do that to you, even ifโฆโ He trailed off, instead latching his mouth to your neck again, letting his tongue flick over your skin once, as if it were an afterthought. โYou really like him?โ
โIโm scared that I do,โ you said, taking a corner of your shawl to daub at your tears.
โThe only thing to do is feel it out, I guess.โ Touya settled at last, shifting weight and moving his legs so that theyโd be on either side of you, and his left arm joined the other around your waist to hold you close. โOr let it die, if you want. The soulmate bond doesnโt matter in the end. You donโt have to love him or me.โ
โBut Touya,โ you said, sniffing, dying to look back at him but restraining yourself, โI do.โ
***
Later that night, you were researching how to make little cheese balls that were shaped like pumpkins like theyโd had at the awards ceremony when you felt the familiar wooziness. Funny. Itโs not often that the bond activates twice in one day. You closed your laptop and set your notebook aside, waiting for the slow, drowsy fade into Touyaโs eyes.
Tonight, itโs a jarring, instantaneous slam into his perspective, and you felt like youโd been knocked about in the baggage rack of a train. You threw out your hands to balance yourself, even though you hadnโt been physically moved, and the queasiness made it hard to concentrate, blackness blotting at the edges of your periphery.
But the darkness of Touyaโs bedroom wasnโt helping, with only partially drawn curtains letting in moonlight, andโand oh, my God, heโs flat on his back in bed, tousled bedsheets, cock out, and itโs so pretty, unfairly pretty, thick as hell but thicker at the head than the base, blushing deep pink, leaking onto the faint lines of re-developing abs and a vaguely red trail of hair, andโ
The hand touching it has skin grafts.
โโugh, darlinโ, fuck, you know what Iโm gonnaโgonna do to you, angel?โ Touya was muttering to himself, too caught up to realise you were there. โYou donโtโyou donโt know what you do to me.โ
Youโd registered his pubic hair as vaguely red because, now that you were staring, only the very tips of the untouched hair trailing down his stomach were red, with what heโd probably shaved at some point lower on his body snowy against whatever unburnt skin could still grow hair. Heโs gripping himself at an angle that doesnโt make him rub against a strand of load-bearing staples on his upper thigh (did someone say load?), connecting a stretch of familiarly burned skin to a healing graft, diamond-speckled and twitching with his cock the closer he drew to orgasm (from the back of your mind surfaced a questioning thought of if heโd advocated for healing his hands first, since staples would hinder smooth masturbation). His prosthetic arm lay unattached at his side.
โHahh, I wanna,โ said Touya, drawing in a ragged breath, โwanna make a mess outta you, yโalways too put together, too fuckinโ pretty for yโown damn good, fuck.โ He rubbed his thumb over his tip, the skin there giving everso slightly at the pressure, with another bead of precum swelling before it dripped onto his stomach. โGonna find whaโwhatever I can do to make you fuckinโ whine, and Iโm gonna, hah, follow that sound for the rest of my goddamn life, and, ohโfuck, fuck, how, how sweet youโd feel wrapped around me, how much I donโt fuckinโ deserveโโ
He cut himself off to take a deep, stuttering breath, and you saw the gates of heaven in the way his chest surged forward when he arched his back, lines of burns and scars carved into his skin like a roadmap. And Touya moaned for you, and you didnโt know how much youโd needed to hear both Touyas do that until now, but before he could finish the first syllable of your name, you were lurched out of the bond and back into your room, just as abruptly as it had begun.
Your hands were shaking as you tied your shoelaces, aware of the leak into your underwear when you bent over, and you dashed to the nearest train depot, navigating in fervent, distant buzz all the way to the Todoroki estate. You must have appeared sufficiently crazy, because the only vacant seats on the train were next to you.
(In your heart of hearts, you had known.
If youโd put it into words, consciously, where both Touyas overlapped, it wouldโve been too hard to bear if theyโd been different people, which was, regardless, the most logical situation. Getting excited for your soulmate to be your former crush and then being disappointed when it wasnโt him felt like a betrayal to your soulmate. You hadnโt wanted to set yourself up for disappointment or betrayal, because you shouldnโt feel guilt when you look at your soulmate. Someone who holds your heart in his hand should never be second best to you. Touyaโs had enough of not being enough in his life.
Surely the random chance of a strangerโs quirk wouldnโt be so kind to give you whom youโve been wanting. You havenโt allowed yourself to hope.)
You didnโt even go in the front door. You clambered over the garden wall and berated yourself for not recognising Touyaโs garden earlier, even though youโve usually been around the kitchen and living room when youโre here. It took you longer than it couldโve to get to his teahouse, because you were deliberately staying on the garden path instead of walking on his hard work, but you didnโt even take off your shoes at the entrance, the nightingale floors chirping out in the night as you surged towards his bedroom door.
Touya lay facing the window in his very Western bed that took up most of the roomโand much of his bedroom was like that, with his modern belongings scattered across other outdated furnishings, clean but cluttered, thought it startled you to open the door onto a Naruto poster taped in the space designated for a hanging scroll.
You only had time to absorb poster and lived-in before you saw the face of God in how Touya stretched and groaned in bed, arching his back and holding it until his back popped (a little too fixated on his moonlit nipples, like seeing them would fix you, flip you back to your factory settings). โNatsuo,โ he said, coming out of his groan, eyes scrunched shut, โDonโt say youโre here to make me re-hang the windchimes. I spent all day tracking how air flows through the garden.โ
You sat at the foot of his bed, mattress dipping slightly, still in your coat and shoes and hesitant to spread dirt, but the need to be near Touya, even if it were through blankets, consumed you. Hands folded behind his head, Touya cracked open an eye at the weight, and he froze.
You hadnโt prepared any confession on the train. Youโd been too focused on the memory of his thighs. So, what garbled nonsense that came out of your mouth was โI figured your dick would be pierced.โ
Touya appeared to snap back into reality, and he sat up in bed, pulling the blankets up to cover more of his bare chest (mourning for his nipples. Inconsolable about it, even) and quite obviously tried so hard to be chill (the way his leg started jiggling underneath the covers and how he wouldnโt look you in the eyes for more than a couple of seconds gave him away, though). โIs that what they say about me?โ
You folded your hands in your lap, bent over for a swift escape in case he wanted you to leave โJirou conjectures that you have a Jacobโs ladder.โ
โJust what I need. More holes in my body.โ He ran his tongue over his lower lipโmuch more scarred than the upper one, clarifying some things about kissing him. โDonโt know how to take that a bunch of kids who resent me talk about the state of my dick. You a part of that crowd?โ
โI was shown a picture of what was advertised to be a very realistic dildo,โ you said, scooting your ass farther back onto the bed now that he wasnโt going to send you away, โIt had many, many piercings. It wasnโt as thick, if that makes you feel better.โ
โIt does not,โ said Touya, brow pinched. He brought his legs up to hug them to his chest, but he must have changed his mind, instead just letting them block your view of him, hiding behind the cover of the lumpy comforter.
You waited for him to elaborate. His tuxedo was thrown over a wicker trunk, bowtie tossed onto a kotatsu, even though it wasnโt cold enough outside, with his gaming controller next to it and an open can of black tea. Two floor seats were haphazardly tucked underneath the kotatsuโs blanket, the one facing the TV flatter and duller than the one nearer the door. His only bookshelf had the illusion that it was constantly being added to, with the first shelf arranged neatly and the rest completely shoved together, the lowest one still mostly emptyโyour sign language book lay horizontally on it.
He shouldโve said something by now, right? Antsy, you shifted your weight, staring down at your shoes. To have something to do, you slowly took them off, lining them up with Touyaโs house slippers (with seahorses on them?) next to the bed, and you swallowed your pride to break the ice. โIโm glad itโs you, by the way. Very glad.โ
Touya grunted and draped an arm over his knees. โDid you know?โ
โI will be generous and say not really,โ you said, shuffling off your coat to hang on the bedpost, โI didnโt permit myself to make the connections.โ
โEh.โ He shrugged with one shoulderโthe left one, the natural one. Heโd reattached his prosthetic in the meantime. โThere are around one hundred Touyas in Japan, according to the last census.โ
โSounds like a prepared statistic,โ you said, holding back that the name frequency has probably plummeted in the last few years, โIโm serious, though. I wanted my Touyaโsoulmate, you, Touyaโto be Todoroki Touya. So badly.โ
He covered his mouth, thumbing at his lower lip and simply staring at you. In the moonlight, his eyes were as fucking bright blue asโwell. As his flames. More things were clicking into place.
โReally, Touya,โ you said, desperate for him to believe you, โI liked you as the stranger in the alley, and I liked you as Dabi, and when my soulmate seemed to share some traits with the other Touya in my life, I didnโt give myself permission to think about it. Because I was growing fond of the you that spoke to me, that I was getting to know, and while my feelings for the other you were being rekindled, too, I wanted to love the soulmate you more, because it's become fucking evident to me that I was made to love you, even without this soulmate stuff. Youโve been scattered throughout my life, anyway. It just happened to speed things up, since it forced you to talk to me. Otherwise, youโd probably still be at the point where youโre the brooding-older-brother figure who isolates himself in his room when his brotherโs friends are over.โ
Touya was frowning, but you waited it out entirely this time. โYou sawโฆall that,โ he eventually said, gesturing down himself, โand you still want me?โ
Biting back a smile, you lifted your knees to the bed, moving slowly to gauge his reaction before getting closer to him. โI saw you decapitate someone, and I still want you.โ
โYouโre insane,โ said Touya, tensing up as you neared him but twitching into a nervous grin, eyes falling to your boobs, away to the window, and back to your face.
โCorrect,โ you said, and you knelt next to him, taking all of your restraint to keep from reaching out the final few centimetres to run your hands down his chest. โDonโt you need someone a little insane, though?โ
The comforter fell a few inches down his chest, and you throat ran dry at the long line of fading stitches and staples.
You raised a quivering hand to his face, and itโs strange: both of you flinched in the moment your fingertips felt the tiniest bit of body heat emanating from his cheek, and itโs strange: itโs the first time youโve felt any heat come from Touya at all, and itโs strange: you could see yourself so clearly waking up next to him every day, putting your chin on his shoulder while he picked out fruits at the grocery store, feeding the koi late at night together while you lured the ducks away, watching his eyes soften in the same way both when he sinks his teeth into something youโve baked and his cock deep into you while he cradled you closely to his chest, but at the moment, it might be too much for youโand perhaps Touya as well, judging by the nearly incomprehensible, jumbled sort of expressionโif you even touched his face.
Perhaps the prospect of romance was too much for him at this point in his life. The last thing Touya should be feeling about that was guilt.
โI donโt mind being on the backburner while you figure things out,โ you said, returning your hand to your lap and trying very hard not to look at his nipples, โIโll wait for whatever you need to do. Iโllโโ
โNo,โ said Touya, shaking himself out of whatever spiralling dive heโd been leaning into, โHell, no. No fuckingโโ He snatched the hand youโd almost touched him with and clenched it hard, smushing your fingers together (startled by the physical contact, even though heโd initiated it), and after a flash of frustration at his prosthetic arm, he passed your hand to his left. โYouโre fucking sticking around. Youโyou donโt just look at me; you see me, in such a different fucking way than anyone else, and you did it immediaโit took my family so long to look, and youโyouโve been watching. Been paying attention. Itโs all Iโve everโโ He frowned, rolling his tongue along the inside of his cheek. โItโs good to have you around while I dig myself out of this hole,โ he said, squeezing your hand harder but glaring outside through the window, โI wish I had known you sooner.โ
โIโm here now, and I want to get to know you better. I want to hear more about you, things that are true,โ you said, โand donโt start with anything self-deprecating, Touya. The next time the bond lets you see through me, Iโm gonna show you what you look like through my eyes. And Iโm not lying to you when I say you are so very, very pretty.โ
Grunting, Touya fidgeted in bed, the covers slipping down to his stomach, drawing your hand closer to him, with your body leaning in to follow his pull. โShit,โ he said, โDonโt say shit like that right now.โ
โTouya, I am gonna tell you how gorgeous you are until you believe it, and that starts now.โ
โNot thaโwell, yes, that, but Iโโ He sucked in through his teeth (also sucking in through a tiny hollow in his cheek caused by a loose staple, with a faint, wheezing whistle) and threaded his fingers through yours, pulling your hands towards his shoulder so that you loomed over his chest, โI have a hell of a refractory period now. Itโs fuckinโ hard for me to get hard a lot, and you saw me; I justโโ Inhaling sharply, he jerked his hand away from yours and frantically started wiping it on the blankets. ย The new skin around the tips of his ears bloomed pink. โI havenโt washed my hands.โ
โTouya,โ you said, โLike I care.โ You took the hand he was trying to hide in the folds of the blanket and licked up his palm, holding eye contact and relishing the way the blush spread to the untouched skin around the corners of his eyes. โI want all of you. Both sides youโve shown me, and more. So long as itโs real. So long as itโs you.โ
โAll right. First step is getting on top of me,โ said Touya, and, palm wet, he took your hand again, and he tugged on it, guiding you into his lap, other hand sliding down the thigh you swung over him. โMakes it easier to talk, yโknow. To look at you.โ
โOh? Are we starting with your tragic backstory? If youโre taking requests,โ you said, sliding your hand up and over his shoulder to run your fingers over his collarbone (jutting out from under both burnt and new skin), โthen Iโd like to hear your perspective of when you first kissed me.โ
Touya lift his prosthetic hand to your cheek, just as cold and strong as his real one, and he placed his thumb at the corner of your lower lip, tip breaking the seal of your lips to press in just barely. โActually, I think weโll start with this pretty mouth of yours.โ
***
Iida was shouting and gesturing from the living room that you only had fifteen minutes before the episode viewing was scheduled to start, and Shinsou shut him up by reminding him that Tokoyami had to pick up Ojiro and Hagakure from the floristry across town and that theyโd start watching whenever they started watching, so chill out, Iida. Go help Mina pick the bugles out of her hair, or something.
You and Touya crouched together in front of the oven, staring through the glass at the rows of potato wedgesโthe recipe he claims his mother made when he was five, but surely a woman as sensible as Todoroki Rei wouldnโt put that much fucking cayenne pepper or paprika or chili sauce orโlisten, it was a lot.
โCโmon, pretty boy, tell me something else true about you,โ you said, nudging his shoulder with yours while you made eye contact with him in the ovenโs reflection.
โHm,โ he said, scratching the underside of his chin with a bare hand (the gloves lay folded back on the teahouse dresser), โI hate fish.โ
(Here you sighed dramatically, because you obviously already knew this. His loathing was intensified at the moment, though, because heโd had to get up and leave you in the middle of the night last night because the koi pond monitor was blaring at a stupid clog in the filter.)
โTastes fuckinโ gross dead. Bitch to take care of livinโ.โ
You pushed on your knees to stand, and you held out a hand to help him up. โEnough with the negativity, dickhead. Tell me more about what you like.โ
โBesides you?โ He took your hand and grinned, putting all his weight into it as you strained to lift him, and when the oven timer beeped and youโd shot a few choice words his way, he had mercy and stood up by himself. He grabbed the oven mitts and tossed them to you, and while you removed the tray from the oven, he ran his hand through the sharp, white spikes of his hair, inadvertently wiping specks of paprika into it.
You set the tray on a cooling rack. โCโmon, Touya. No need to be so cheesy.โ
โI can be worse,โ he said, winding his arms around your waist before you could even take off the oven mitts, cradling you close to him, no room in between, and he propped his chin on your shoulder. โI can even incorporateโyou call me cheesy; youโre the one who called me pretty boy not a minute ago.โ
Blindly, you raised a hand to run it back through Touyaโs soft, soft hair, and you gently bumped your cheek against his. โI am not being cheesy by simply stating the truth. Youโre gorgeous, Touya.โ
โBet Iโd look even better throbbing inside you.โ
โPlease follow a logical flow in conversation like the rest of us,โ you said, and when you couldnโt grasp the spatula you were reaching for, Touya grabbed it for you, scraping up some of the first row, having to release you during the process.
Leaning on the counter to face him, you flinched at the heat before pinching a potato wedge between the tips of your fingers, but Touya held one like it was completely cool. It had almost touched his tongue before he paused and waited for your reaction to his recipe.
His potato wedges were bad. Too crunchy on top because of the odd broil time and not-fully-ground peppercorns and too soggy and soft underneath, especially in the part where itโd stuck to the tin foil and peeled off, and the combination of spices didnโt quite mesh together well. With a sliver of quiet triumph, you swallowed a bite of potato wedge decidedly worse than the ones you made.
But Touya was looking at you, eyes brimming with hope despite his otherwise carefully cultivated cool exterior, watching, waiting for youโand it was Touya, after all; Touya was the one who cooked theseโmade them for you, deliberately, on purposeโand so that made what words were about to come out of your mouth true and beautiful.
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