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@iycedog
Dean has developed a guilt complex simply from being alive. Ever since 1x12 Faith, Dean believes he should be dead and that his continued existence is unnatural (this is further exacerbated by multiple people sacrificing themselves for him as the series continues). Therefore, every action he takes that results in something good is seen as recompense for the lives lost to keep his. Conversely, any action taken that results in something negative is abhorrent to him, it is an evil that only exists because he does. Dean is constantly struggling to repay a debt that is insurmountable and ever growing, it's an impossible task; Sisyphean. This informs both his actions and his responses to the mounting perils that he and his family face. In this essay...
ugh Faith Dean makes me so sad. imagine you have shitty self-esteem already (not hard). you're dying, and you feel like admitting you're afraid of it is some sort of failure. because your life is about others. it's about saving others. your brother disagrees---he wants you healed, and you kind of hate him for it, because you're dying and you don't see a way out and he's going to spend your last moment insisting you do stuff like visit a faith healer because he has a faith you've never been able to grasp. the healer chooses you, and you're sure it must be a trick. you ask why, and you don't get a real answer. you're healed, and, in the same moment, you watch someone else hurt for your health. you apologize for something you don't know how to apologize for. her mother asks why you deserve it more than her, and your answer is that you don't. you don't know why. you're alive, and someone's dead because of it. you're breathing air taken from someone else's lungs, your heart beats in a chest that should've been still. you almost died, and you thought it would have been worth it. because you've saved people. you protected them in the way you couldn't your mom. but instead you're alive and those people are dead and the faith your brother had was blind and the healer was a killer and you feel like you need to apologize to the world for existing
Angel and the LIttle Shepherd Boy by Jacek Malczewski
I've been thinking of that Hark! A vagrant comic and
The canonical feminisation of Dean is so fascinating. I don't know a single other piece of media that's ever done anything like it. Sometimes it's subtle and subtextual, but often it's the polar opposite.
There's the parentification of Dean into the role of wife and mother.
Dean being literally forcefemmed sexually by Rhonda when she makes him wear pink panties.
The way people talk about his looks, like Gwen saying he 'has delicate features for a hunter'.
Azazel calling Sam 'son' but calling Dean 'daddy's little girl'.
'Daddy' is more utilised by female characters than male, often to signify youth, innocence, and naivety, but it crops up often for Dean. The above from Azazel. Dean's own subconscious calling him 'Daddy's blunt little instrument'. Most strikingly, Henrickson saying 'Daddy brainwashed you with all that devil talk and no doubt touched you in a bad place'.
And that last one, the little remarks and plot points that time and again suggest Dean is a victim of CSA. The 'nobody's a virgin' line. The way he is paralleled with Bela. It's rare that male characters ever get this treatment.
It's just such fascinating characterisation. On the surface, Dean is all tough-guy machismo: he drives a cool car, wears a leather jacket and work wear, listens to metal, drinks whiskey, and is chillingly comfortable with violence. But this is so often framed as compensation for the fact that underneath it all, he's just a traumatised, damaged kid who grew up too fast and has suffered through countless horrors.
And he's Daddy's little girl.
Twiggy modeling Zandra Rhodes, Vogue Magazine December 1974. Photograph by Barry Lategan.
Meeeeee
he's had worse birthdays
oishi
-The Exchange of the Princesses at the Spanish Border-
u know THAT panel from adventure time
instagram.com/p/DYpw61iiW62/
Why are you Sam
IGNORED THIS FOR THREE DAYS ON ACCIDENT AWARD BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE APP I'm Samuel
Can you put your ass away
Why are you Sam
IGNORED THIS FOR THREE DAYS ON ACCIDENT AWARD BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE APP I'm Samuel
"Andras, grand marquis of Hell. He is seen with the body of an angel (and) the head of an owl." The owl head symbolizes nocturnal malevolence and secret knowledge; the wolf, ferocity; the angel's body, his fallen character.
Dictionnaire infernal. 1863.
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