Summary: For two people that love to read, words seem like a complex.
Word Count: 13k (yeah… this is slow burn, might want to get a drink and snack)
Tags: Alhaitham x Fem!Reader, Slow Burn, Smut, NSFW, Fluff, Angst kind heavy?, Modern AU, Omegaverse AU, A/B/O relationships, slow fic, marriage, arranged pairing, dubcon, themes about not liking yourself, TW: gender dysphoria (you don’t like your secondary gender), TW: Very vague and brief mentions to possible past domestic trauma, Jealous!alhaitham, slight yandere!alhaitham, mutual pining, miscommunication, breeding, biting, ruts, Alpha!alhaitham, Beta!reader. You agreed to the pairing due to tax benefits. A lot of references to literature.
Authors note: This is my first attempt at slow burn and yeah… I got carried away. I want to explore how slow alhaitham would open up and how love can come from the mind instead of the heart. Enjoy.
syp. cynosure; a person or thing that is the center of attention or admiration. your daytime job? being a realm-keeping commissioner, and at nighttime? just casually fighting battles and apprehending criminals of the luofu as a secret side hobby of course. now, what would happen if the people of the xianzhou begin to get curious about your secret identity? especially from the arbiter general himself, that is.
a/n. timeline takes place during and after whole xianzhou arc.
𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄
001. The Celestial Encounter
Barely escaping the observant general's sight, you found yourself back safely towards your abode while the problems in the Xianzhou continue to worsen, involving the subjects of Akivili once more.
Banner and Dividers by me. Do NOT copy, trace and post my work to tiktok, wattpad or other platforms, websites and apps. All rights reserved to Hoyoverse, Mihoyo and Honkai: Star Rail.
synopsis. jake was a little concerned by how often you were sat in his waiting room, but he couldn't deny how he searched his appointment list each morning hoping to see your name
pairing. jake x female reader
genre. social media au, fluff, comedy, so much angst omg sorry it's painful, smut for sure
characters. enhypen, chaeryeong and yeji of itzy, wonwoo and mingyu of seventeen, seowon and woonggi
warnings. lots of swearing (it's me so...), very suggestive themes involving jake, smut in later chapters, mentions of character family death
feat. Zhongli x Reincarnated!GN!Reader | PART I | wc. 4.6K
Based on 'See You In My 19th Life' | overview. this webtoon follows the story of a woman who can somehow remember all her past lives.
sum. after a sweet hello, your lips never found its way to say the bittersweet goodbye. because you knew you would always find your way back to him even if he won't recognize you in your renewable lives.
note. some scenes are purposely inaccurate to the canon lore
main.mlist genshin.mlist | xiao ver.
You first met him as Morax, a little child dragon you grew up discreetly meeting at a very convenient time of your day, never knowing what's stored for the two of you.
He first met you as Y/N who resides at the countryside near Mt. Tianheng in hopes to find new things to discover across the vast lands of Teyvat. And he did. He found you.
Young Morax found you crouched under an oak tree, the wind flowing with your otherworldly voice, enrapturing him in blissful comfort.
Perched in the tree branch, he listens intently and let himself melt in your grace. It wasn't the first time he finds you warbling a melodic tune, and each time he comes back to hear more from you, it's always a different song and it wouldn't cease to amaze him how much ditty you know.
He lost count on how often he'd fall asleep with your voice lulling him and wakes up feeling empty as the epilogue of his day is always spent without your presence.
Sometimes he wonders if you know he has been watching you, and if you do, why aren't you approaching him? No matter, young Morax doesn't intend to befriend with you.
But then one day...
"Hello! You must be the boy who likes to hear me sing by the tree."
He was caught red handed, perhaps he became distracted that he didn't realize he's been shamelessly stalking you. He couldn't stop his curiosity to follow you in your way home.
Not only he's been spying on you, now he sounds like a stalker. But you didn't suspect, there wasn't anything to be suspicious of anyway.
"H-Huh? H-How did you know?" He gotta commend you for your keen senses. He's the Dragon between the two of you, which means he's supposed to be the one who has sharper senses.
"You must be good at anything but hiding. I have known you've been following me, but I never get to see you up close, you're really majestic looking, by the way." You chuckled as his poor attempt of masking his flushed face at your compliment.
"I don't mind your company, in fact, I want to be friends with you."
Friends. What a foreign concept for young Morax.
He has heard of that term, it's common among mortals, but he's not a mortal. Does this 'friend' term stretches to immortals like him as well? If so, then he has no reason to refuse.
Says the person who one minute ago thought of every alternative ways to stay out of your way.
He was skeptical at your optimism, most mortals would be astounded at his appearance and try to persuade him to spill whatever secrets he has, but as he got to know you better, he was a bit guilty to categorize you as one of them.
His horns and inhumane features? Young Morax found out you're only fascinated by his unique physical looks. And never doubted it.
"Cool! You have horns just like our boars, where did you get those? Can I touch them?"
"Did you just compare my horns to a pig? Pigs don't even have horns! How disgraceful!"
The sparkle in your eyes quickly died down as it came, and the young Morax feels tight in his chest just seeing your smile turns into a frown. You insulted his pride though!
You mumbled a meek apology but still kept your sheepish smile, a glimmer of hope that one day he'd let you do it.
The next days were spent by you sneaking out your house every midnight to meet up with the dragon, Morax. He's slightly skittish, oddly resembling him that of a cat, which is cute.
You probably shouldn't be calling a literal Dragon cute, legends depicted them as tyrannical creatures who seek treasures.
Ah! Classic children's story to scare the kids away at night, it did affect you in some way.
But you can't help it when he would eagerly look at you whenever he asks you to sing him a song.
You'd sit side by side under the tree, you have to admit he'd either falls asleep amidst your song or asks you for the lyrics so he can sing it to himself too.
You even dedicated a song that lets a certain flower bloom.
"Glaze Lily? What's that?" Young Morax asked with tilted head.
A smile outstretched your lips, "Beautiful, right? It transforms the memories of the land into its fragrance during florescence."
"Really?! Is that why you're always out in the dark?" You chuckled sheepishly, feigning ignorance, "Don't know what you're talking."
You got to know each other, held hands like innocent children, share what little knowledge your pea sized brain can, hug whenever one seeks comfort, eat under the glistening sun.
Morax is... a sensitive individual, albeit rough around the edges, but he's young and still learning, and you're unbelievably patient with his attitude— a quirk from you that he greatly appreciates.
From that, young Morax grew fond of you and it isn't one sided.
He flies by the same tree and gives you random things he finds magnificent, whether it could be a rock he found by the lake or a rare item that no one has ever discovered before.
Well, the legend wasn't lying about Dragons and treasure, for sure
You'd laugh at the strangest things he discovers but accepted them nonetheless. Every object he gives you is worth something.
This has been part of your routine for days, weeks, months, even years maybe. You don't know how much time has gone by whenever you're with him and you never bothered to count.
Before you know it, the two of you are almost in young adulthood, he grew up to be a fine man, much unlike you were expecting. Nothing changed from your friendship, until now.
You were taken by surprise when he suddenly blurted out one day
"I want to show you what I see from up there one day, Y/N."
He gazes at you much differently when he looks at you when you were younger. There's a glint of promise in his eyes that you can't pinpoint, it sent shivers all over your nerves.
"You can just fly me up there, Morax. I'm sure I'm not heavy." You muster a smile in an attempt to ease your quickening heartbeats.
He never gave a reply, he only stared at you so intensely that it feels like he's poking your deepest and innermost thoughts.
The way he stares at you never fails to summon the tickling butterflies in your stomach and the blood on your cheeks. You merely regarded that as your hormones, anyone would be flustered if someone they're close to stare at them like that.
You should've known better that nothing in your world stays permanent. The only thing you remember after that day was his twisted look of desperation to keep you alive and tear stained amber dyes trying to get the last image of you in his memories.
"N-No... Y/N please stay with me. D-Don't leave m-me just yet." It hurts you more than the numbing pain in your abdomen to see him broke down like a cornered prey. So helpless and vulnerable.
"I-I'll always be w-with you, Morax..."
So cruel, just when you've begun to realize the burgeoning feelings you have for the Dragon, fate took you away before you have the chance to confess.
Should you be selfish to confess your feelings to him? If you do, it seems like you'll be punishing him an endless torture ahead, and you would never wish Morax to suffer for eternity.
You only smiled and caressed his horns, even in your deathbed you're glad you died in the arms of the man you ever loved.
At the last moment, you heard the anguished wail erupts from his throat as he clutches your form closer, begging and crying for you to come back, to not leave him like this, that he needed you, that he loves you. His pleas fell on deaf ears, for you weren’t there to hear him anymore.
But it became clear to you that he reciprocated your love.
It came a shocking twist when you opened your eyes you can hear multiple cooing sounds from around you. Didn't I die in his arms? Where am I? Turns out, you were reborn. But not as Y/N anymore and you were given a surname.
Unfortunately, the Celestia isn't so forgiving. You were suffering from an unknown illness that took away your second life at such a young age.
You trained hard and learned martial arts in your third life as you were born from a family whose tradition is to produce well-trained warriors in the future.
Fourth to eight life came by like a blur, there were times when you get to lived as an innocent child only for it to be ripped away a few years later with your past memories resurfacing.
You stopped counting after it hits a dozen, born in different class, society and unnamed nation. There's no point of it.
All you want is to look for Morax, but will he remember you? Will he even recognize you as Y/N? You're no longer the kid he grew fond of. No, you're much different than before.
What about him? Decades have past, does he still know of your name? You could've been a fragment of his childhood that he dare not talk about with his new friends.
Will I make your life more difficult by trying to reconnect with you, Morax?
Those thoughts haunted you for nights, often occuring in your dreams.
But what can you do, you're so far away from Mt. Tianheng, you don't even know if the village you lived in still exists nor do you know if Morax still visits the tree you first met.
Even if you did meet him in your new life, you ought to stay as acquaintances.
Aiding him in the shadows and lessening his burdens within your power.
In your hundredth life, all of your training in your third life is proven useful at the moment. You're known as the infamous warrior with no name that took down the monsters around Teyvat, you were revered to the people in the Guili Assembly.
War is threatening to wage amongst Gods and mortals alike.
When it came, no one is safe in and out of the battlefield. To survive they must fight tooth and nail, paint the lands in sea of red and play the game of thrones.
It was gratuitously morbid, gruesome and unjust. A macabre of series of deaths surrounded your every wake, your hundredth life is the epitome of a living nightmare. Horrifyingly memorable.
You were at the sidelines, watching as the war unfold, keeping tabs on Morax's allies and eradicating whatever threat they face.
That's when you came across the stunning Goddess Guizhong, the Ruler of Clouds, Goddess of Dust. A very close companion of Morax whom he met at the Guili Assembly along with the others.
She's capable and quick-witted, a type of peculiar person Morax wouldn't hesitate to be friends with.
As of the moment, a claymore is alarmingly closing its gap towards her, ready to slice her open.
Then you heard him scream, a cry of a man who's about to lose everything he has gained of.
That cry sent flashbacks of his tear-stained cheeks. No, you don't want to see him like that again! You'd do anything to chase away that vulnerable image of Morax, he deserves happiness and love.
Your feet went autopilot and swept away the Goddess out of the way, severing your lower limbs in the process and instantly killing you. Your eyes opened and you have started your new life.
Was Morax relieve that Guizhong lived? Did he wonder why a stranger would save her? Did he ever ask who you were? Did he... recognize you at the very least?
Your new parents panicked as they tried to appease the crying infant in their arms. Unbeknownst to your pained heart.
You saw for a brief moment before your demise how Guizhong's plausible absence will affect him. He will mourn her death as much as he lamented yours. For decades or centuries, you know he has been scarred by your passing.
You don't want him to go through that again. It's a different pain you feel when you see him tearing up, you rather get minced by a claymore than to watch him break down.
He garnered the reputation of a tyrant— but you knew better that Morax grew up with compassionate heart, he appreciates anyone no matter how insignificant they think they are.
Which is why you hold yourself from meeting him. He may not remember you, but he will certainly get attached to you once you had your way to his heart.
And a dragon who can outlive you in any lives will only suffer more from your death.
You dedicated your lives in living peacefully, learning history and new things as humanity evolves.
You vow to never fall in love if it isn't Morax you'll spend your mortal life with.
Even if he has someone he can fall in love with.
"Have you heard about the land Lord Morax and Lady Guizhong are building in Mt. Tianheng?" Gossips are everywhere about the infamous partners who survived the Archon War, there's no mouth that has not utter their names, and you're no exception.
A grin spreads over your lips as you sip your tea with elegance, "I've heard, I haven't seen them in person but the rumors about them guaranteed they're ambitious people with good hearts."
This has been a hobby you never knew; praising Morax to elate people's opinion about him. It's your small contribution to his flourishing nation.
You want people to love and respect Morax dearly just as you loved him in your childhood.
You prayed to the new Archons for Morax to find someone he can love and lean on. Someone that can be his source of strength to keep living. Someone much better than leaving him with death.
Now that he found someone he can be with, your goal in your next lives is to protect Liyue's history.
From the names of ancient relics and objects, war waged by the Gods, Nations that were built underneath the once blood soaked lands, fallen heroes who are forgotten— you know all of them. You're openly willing to offer tutelage to the inquisitive.
You sighed at the thought, it certainly will be lonely in your part. Immortal gods can still die— a death in which they'd leave their memories behind and start anew. Morax will eventually cease to existence with lovable Nation and Guizhong to remember him.
And you? Countless past lives yet you never found true happiness, and none of them was worth to remember for anyone.
Part of you feels happy for Morax finally moving on from your death eons ago, but you're still human so you're susceptible to those horrible impulses of bitterness at a basic level.
But you don't want to be a person who looks at Guizhong with jaundiced eyes just because you couldn't have Morax, so you suck it up and move on the fact Morax is in love with another.
At least my sacrifice isn't a total waste.
"Aren't they? I've met Lady Guizhong, she's such a beautiful and soft spoken woman. She and the Lord of Geo are a perfect match. I wish the two of them eternal blessings."
A tug at your heart left an unpleasant feeling, your brain tried to reason that at least he's with someone that'll love him more than you did. That can appease your bitter aching heart a bit.
How ironic. You built a nation where you first met me.
And showed her what you can see up there like you promised me.
Is that how you honor my death, Morax?
"Wow! You sure do know many things, Y/N!" The floating emergency food expressed her awe in your display of knowledge and the traveller couldn't agree more with her, "She's right, you never cease to surprise us."
Their exclaims were followed by your enchanting laugh, "I'm glad I can be at your service, Honory Knight."
You were simply ethereal to look at, you maybe a mortal like the traveller but the Blondie thinks otherwise.
Paimon and her travelling buddy met you by the Starnach Cliff when they were attempting to subdue Dvalin. Jean and Diluc already know you're part of the Adventurer's Guild as you often visit Mondstadt from time to time.
They didn't expect you to join them in their excursion in Stormterror's Lair, it turns out you're a great addition to the team.
You befriended with the traveller after the whole Stormterror fiasco and catch up with Kaeya.
You don't stand out the most in the crowd, you can blend in with everyone and no one would acknowledge your existence. But the traveller can sense the weight of the wisdom you withhold.
It almost feels like you're one of the Seven...
"Is there something else I can help you with, Traveller?"
"Huh?! Oh... I— Uhh... You've been telling us stories and fun facts about Mondstadt. If you don't mind, can you tell us about Liyue?"
For an ephemeral moment, the traveller saw your facade crumbles and slowly morphed into a nostalgic expression.
"Hmm. I'll tell you a quick introduction. Liyue is built in Mt. Tianheng after the Lord of Geo attained one of seven seats, unlike the Anemo Archon who's known to not show himself, he descends down once a year to give blessings to the people of Liyue."
"Exactly how Venti told us, but more detailed."
"He sounds a lot more of a decent God than Tone-Deaf Bard."
Her statement elicited a quiet snicker from you, "I'll be off then, I'll see you around soon." Paimon's expression deflated, "You're not coming with us?"
You shake your head, "I'll visit you when I can, until then I hope for your safe travels."
You forced a smile and took a different path from the traveller, as their figures disappear in the horizon, you felt your smile slip up as the sun whisks past the mountains turning to dusk.
Solitude in the dark has been part of your daily routine, you come and go whenever you feel like it, not knowing when to return.
The excuse you told to Paimon isn't entirely a lie, you couldn't bring yourself to go in Liyue when there's active Fatui agents scattered around the vicinity.
Let's just say you're not in good terms with the Fatui. Who isn't?
Nevertheless, whatever curse you have continued to persist in your thousandth life. You roamed around Teyvat and tell stories that even historians don't know.
Repeated lives were lived by just you traversing in each corners of Teyvat that even Archons never knew it existed.
Along the way, you've come terms with your feelings and settled it down like a dormant volcano. Morax is your first love, you enjoyed reminiscing the memories you made with him, you keep those memories locked up in the depths of your mind and often recount them in particular leisure time of the day.
You still love him, and you'll always be by his side whenever he needs a helping hand, but enough is enough, you've suffered enough to your own idiocy and fears. It's time to move on.
Morax continued to strive forward because he has changed, for the better of course. If you want to continue living the next lives of yours then you need to change too.
You met new friends and companions that you begin to trust and have fun with, the traveller and the emergency food included. It wasn't lonely as you thought it would be.
Sometimes you wonder why do you have such curse bestowed upon you. Did the Celestia punish you for a crime? Did you touch a forbidden relic in your first life? Is there a way to get rid of it?
You stopped in your tracks and you gaze up in the sky.
Am I the only one with such curse?
Damn, you really need to get your priorities straight when you have so many unanswered questions.
Basking the remnants of the ever glowing star, you turn around to walk the path that leads you to the Land of Eternity.
A new journey awaits you as you skid through the mycelium path.
Rex Lapis has died.
What a year starting with the news of a tragic death of an Archon.
Fret not Liyue citizens, Rex Lapis assumed the form of Zhongli as a consultant in the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. In all honesty, he thinks you would facepalm on how poorly delivered that news was.
Zhongli now blends in with the mortals, often strolling to acknowledge the accomplishments he has done as an Archon.
There were too many sacrifices he made just to achieve such title and godly powers. It's uncountable.
Whenever he strolls down the streets of Liyue, there's never a day that he is not reminded of the fact Mt. Tianheng is the very foundation of Liyue. It serves as a reminder that you are his pillar when intrusive thoughts start to linger in his mind.
Oftentimes, your face is only a blur in his memory, no matter what he does he can't seem to remember your face, but your name has been engraved on his mind for eons.
He misses hearing the sound of your name leaving his lips. He misses how ignorant you both were to the world's suffering. He misses your mesmerizing voice that lulls him to sleep.
Whoever fellow Archon listening to his complex thoughts must have heard him and granted his not-so-impossible wish.
"Hey look. Doesn't that sound like a story Y/N has told us before?" A child(e)— no, a floating fae pointed at the storyteller.
But Zhongli couldn't care less about whoever she was pointing. Did he hear her right? Was it just his ears deceiving him?
Y/N... that's your name.
That's the name he longed to hear again.
Why in the seven nations of Teyvat would they mention your name? Is it just a coincidence that someone has the same name as you? No, that couldn't be it.
Something flared inside him, it's been awhile since he felt this excitement, it's not far fetched when he became your friend.
With no recollection, he became friends with the traveller and the emergency food floating companion.
When he asks them about you, an array of hope filled his entire being and he swore his Dragon feature almost burst into existence
Y/N L/N, a member of the Adventurer's Guild, he's certain you've been in Liyue if you know about its rich culture.
But where are you? He wants to go find you. Hug you like when you were kids. Sing him songs. Bring you random things he can find. Speak the words that were left unspoken when you died.
So many questions brooding his mind; are you really Y/N? If so, were you reincarnated? Does that mean you don't remember him?
The elation he felt dropped. Right... he shouldn't be disappointed if it turns out his hunch is wrong. Even if you're not the Y/N he was expecting, he wants to know you as who you are and not compare the similarities and differences you have with the Y/N he knows.
"Oh yeah, Y/N mentioned they'll be visiting Liyue soon, Mr. Zhongli." The Traveler quipped, assessing the abrupt change of emotions on the consultant's face at the mention of your name.
Paimon and her travelling buddy can't help to wonder if you two are acquaintances, or perhaps something more than that. Zhongli seems to be expecting your arrival from now on.
"Is that so? Thank you for informing me, Traveler. I shall see to it that their stay will be comfortable." He smiled.
Stay in what? In the Funeral Parlor? The Traveler sweat drop while Paimon is tempted to point out that's Verr Goldet's job. Good thing their companion put a hand on her mouth and excuse themselves
There's no time to stall! He thought.
He's determined to check it himself, it can go two ways and Zhongli won't be petulant of the result.
Archons forbid if he ever finds you, because he will not let you go.
pairing ‣ roommate!fem reader x roommate!jay ft park seonghwa (ateez!)
genre ‣ fluff but angst a little if you squint
warnings ‣ a LOT of kissing, petnames, skinship, mentions of sex, r rated jokes, mc and jay are big lovesick idiots, light cussing, not proofread
a/n ‣ drum rolls please! and that’s a wrap, this is the final part to the roommate series (hyung line only) thank you thank you so much for showing so much of support it means alot, really! i hope you enjoy this fic, also i apologize big time for the very late delay :( but enjoy! (p.s i wrote this before the album dropped so the title isn’t related to dd’s gbogh HAHHA)
“if you think i’m going on this date then you’re wrong mom, now please end the call!"
you love your mom, you really do but when she thinks getting on your nerves is her new hobby— you actually despise her.
like right now, at how she’s trying to make you attend a blind date when you could be watching a newly released netflix show, all wrapped up in your bed in absolute comfort— and maybe with jay too since he’s your movie buddy crush.
"y/n, just this one time okay! i’ve already set this up, my friend’s son will be there in half an hour—”
*contains spoilers for Ayato's story quest and the irodori festival
" no matter where I go, I treat my memories as my most important things...things I want to hold onto for the rest of my life "
Ayato looks at the h/c haired girl, her eyes are looking up at the sky that was lit up by beautiful fireworks, their color reflecting in her eyes just as the sun would beam down onto a jewel, leaving beautiful rays of color.
He looks away, his heart beating rapidly, maybe this wouldn't be so bad if he had her by his side, he thought.
Kamisato Y/n, was formerly known as L/n Y/n, childhood friend and wife of Kamisato Ayato by arranged marriage
(" Loveless marriage or not, I promised to be by his side during difficult times " - Kamisato Y/n )
Kamisato Ayato, head of the Kamisato clan and Yashiro Commissioner, husband and childhood friend of Y/n
(" Ah, two lovers becoming husband and wife, what a joyful occasion but atlas, I can't say the same between my wife and but worry not, we're fine now " - Kamisato Ayato )
Kaedehara Kazuha, a wandering samurai, was the childhood sweetheart of Y/n before his clan fell—no longer on speaking terms until recently
(" It seems like fate has separated me from my loved ones once again"- Kaedehara Kazuha to Y/n )
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 6.5
Chapter 7
Chapter 7.5
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Special Chapter: Mother's day
Tsubaki in Thawing Snow
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Golden Archipelago event
Drunk Confessions and Faces of the Past
A Seed yet to Bloom
Updates are always once a week.
There's a tag list so if you want to be in it just send an ask and I'll add you!
Adding this story on AO3, wattpad version is currently being decided if it's discontinued on there or not.
Ho, commander! If you don't get that reference, just let it be. Ok, anyway. So, a lot of people wanted a p2 including my own friends to Arranged to Fall in Love, so here it is! It's a bit of a bittersweet ending. To be honest, I was tempted to make one of those happy ending/bad ending, but I just left it open. I guess if people wanted more, I'll write more! Anyway, let the angst commence!!!!!!
Word count: 2.7k
Arranged to Fall in Love (part 1)
“I saw you with Thoma.” Ayato started, making you look over at him. You two were preparing for bed and for once Ayato was actually going to sleep with you here. Actually, for the last week or so, Ayato had been going to bed with you, not that you paid much attention to it.
“Oh? You’re talking to me now.” You commented as you slipped off your clothes. Ayato averted his eyes but he found his own actions odd. His spouse of two years was changing and he was looking away. That’s how far apart you two were. Actually, you two were never close to begin with.
“You’re my spouse-”
“Yeah and?” You asked, turning to face him once you were fully dressed for bed. Your cruel tone caught him off guard but he didn’t take it to heart.
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Ayato. This marriage is a joke. It’s barely a marriage. You and I were forced to be here and you were sure to let me know in the beginning.” You stated as you got into bed beside him.
“That was… rude of me…” Ok… now you were confused. Since when was Ayato self aware? Since when did he realize he was being a jerk?
“I don’t get it, Ayato. Why do you care now?” He didn’t understand it either. Why did he care? His feelings no longer mattered to you, they were no longer relevant to your life. However, that didn’t bother the commissioner anymore because Ayato had grown to care for you out of his jealousy. He was so jealous of Thoma that he started to notice you.
He noticed the way you giggled when you thought of something funny or how you always did your best to exceed at tasks or just how beautiful you looked when you smiled. God, your smile made his heart race a mile a minute.
But he was faced with a dilemma. If you were in love with Thoma then there was nothing he could do- nothing he would do. He had no right to stop you, just like you didn’t try to stop him. When he was with his woman, you stayed in your lane. You acted like a good spouse, you made him meals, tried to get along with him- did your best to work things out with him, knowing you were both being forced to do this. But he didn’t care. Kamisato Ayato didn’t care for his partner and spouse and therefore he had no right to stand in their way.
He had no right to stand in your way and that thought tore his heart to shreds. It ached so bad that there was a lump in his throat. Tears burned his eyes and his heart sank to his stomach.
But what did he give you, huh? What did Ayato have to offer that Thoma didn’t? Thoma had been your friend when you were dealing with a difficult spouse. He had taken care of you, made sure you didn’t overwork, made sure you were resting, made sure you were taking care of yourself- and if you didn’t, he would do it for you. And what did Ayato do?
Nothing.
He did absolutely nothing for you. He threw out your gifts and food that you worked so hard to make. He’d basically thrown out your feelings along with them. He knew you’d find them later- he knew you would. Actually, one time Ayato had caught you in his room, staring at the trashcan which had a small gift you’d made him.
It was a bracelet with a small hydro vision charm. You’d spent almost three weeks working on it and he… didn’t even look at it. Ayato watched from the doorway as you sat in front of the trashcan, tears dripping down your cheek as the present sat right in front of you. The lid was off and the bracelet just glittered under the sunlight.
That was probably the first time Ayato felt your pain. He felt the tears you were shedding, he felt the unimaginable ache in his chest that you had, and he felt the utter shame and embarrassment that you felt. Out of pure anger, you threw the bracelet against the wall and fell forward, letting out your cries. Ayato wanted nothing more than to run to you and wrap his arms around you but something kept him from doing so.
His pride or ego or simply his own shame. Knowing he was the last person you wanted around, Ayato left and decided to ask Thoma for some help. He claimed there was something he wanted to talk to you about but was unable to find you on his own. Of course that was all a lie but he didn’t want you to be alone.
Later that very night, Ayato had found the bracelet you made him and he slipped it onto his wrist. It was a perfect fit. There were so many small details such as the color matching his outfit, the small ribbon that matched the one on his chest, the way his name was carved into the back of the small hydro vision and then the vision itself. Of course… you never noticed. But that was ok. Ayato didn’t want you to know that he wore your gift, just wearing it brought him some joy.
Since then, Ayato had been more… attentive towards you. He always knew where you were, always knew how you felt, and always did his best to actually be around you. But he gave himself boundaries. Knowing you no longer wanted to try to work anything out, he didn’t speak to you too much, didn’t keep you from your tasks, and made sure he wasn’t too close to you.
You never once complained, you never once tried to push him away but you were no longer trying to be a spouse either. Actually, you dropped all your duties and just… went on with your own life. You spent more time with Thoma and Ayaka.
Ayato was no longer with that woman, both ending things mutually. For some reason, he just found little joy in their relationship. She felt things were similar so they parted ways. Though Ayato wanted to try and remedy whatever he’d ruined between you… he found it hard to do. You were never available, you barely spoke to him, and you were out of the house pretty much all day, every day.
What was Ayato supposed to do, aside from apologizing. Oh, when did he do that? That’s right. Never.
Ayato never once apologized to you for what he’d done. So… that’s where he’d start or end things. He would apologize and if you wanted to still go separate ways, he wouldn’t stop you. Not that he’d intended to do so anyway.
“Hello? Are you even listening to me?” You asked, starting to get frustrated. Ayato blinked, frowning when he realized he was in his own little world for a bit.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” Ayato took a breath, quickly getting his thoughts in order.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you in the beginning. I know, it’s too late to apologize, but I wanted to do it anyway. Though I have no right, I wanted to at least admit my mistakes. You… did a good job, (y/n). You were a good person and a good spouse. You tried to work things out with a very difficult person and it backfired on you. None of that was your fault and I… I mean I don't think you believe that anymore, but in the event that you do, I want you to know that it’s not true. You… were a really good spouse and I wasn’t. Neither of us wanted this marriage in the beginning but you still tried. You still tried to find peace and I just… walked all over you. So for that, (y/n), I am very sorry. For all the times you cried and hated me for all I’d done to you… I’m truly sorry.”
You were silent, taking in all his words. He spoke kind of fast and it made you wonder if he’d been nervous. You looked down as his words echoed in your head. He was sorry? Ayato was actually sorry for all he’d done?
“... I don’t care.” You responded, making him frown. “I don’t care what you think or how you feel or whether you’re sorry or not. Do you know how humiliating it was to be married to you but to walk out in the streets of Inazuma city and hear women gossiping about how you’re running off with another woman? Do you know how humiliating it was when people asked me if we were really married? Do you know how embarrassing it was when I tried to talk to you about all this stuff and you looked at me- you looked me dead in the eyes, Ayato- and told me you didn’t care because you “weren’t with me”. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I had to be the good little spouse and just swallow my feelings while everyone in the fucking city thought I was just letting you walk all over me. You know what? They’re right. But how could I stop you? Everyone thought we were in love. Everyone thought we got married because we wanted to. Should I stand at the top of the Tensukakku and let the entire city- entire region know that this was forced onto us? I tried to work things out with you in the beginning because I at least wanted support if you were gonna run around with other men and women. I wanted support knowing that even if people talked about us, it was ok. But no… you just… you only cared about yourself. It was you and only you.”
Your words hurt but they were true. Ayato didn’t really care back then and no matter how much he tried to ask himself why, he never came up with a real answer.
“I… didn’t know…”
“Of course you didn’t know, Ayato. Of course you didn’t know. You never once tried asking. You never asked about my day, asked how I was doing, asked if I was sad to marry you, you didn’t remember my birthday, our anniversary, you didn’t try. You took me and my life as a fucking joke and now you wanna apologize? Come back when you’ve been thoroughly humiliated by everyone including your own spouse. I made you gifts, I made you meals, I tried to take care of you and you just tossed me away like some bothersome fly! You- you threw away that anniversary gift I worked so hard on making! I spent three weeks perfecting it and then some! I wanted it to look nice and I wanted you to be proud of it but of course, the asshole that is the Yashiro Commissioner doesn’t care about anyone but himself!”
At this point, tears were pouring down your cheeks as all the emotions you’d buried had started coming back to you. There was nothing he could say to make you feel better. There was nothing he could really do for you anymore because he was the source of your pain and sorrow. But he did do something he’d never done before.
He dried your tears.
You stared at him in disbelief as he used his sleeve to dry your cheeks. He made no effort to shush you, knowing that it was probably good for you to get this all out. You’d probably buried your feelings for two years now so if they were coming out… it was ok. Even if they hurt him.
“... why do you care?” You asked, your voice cracking with the stress of all of this. Ayato paused for a second, but he couldn’t come up with any answer. Why did he care? He didn’t know. So, he just continued to dry your face.
You rolled your eyes, pushing his hand away when you felt something on his wrist. His sleeve fell down and he looked away, wondering if he should just get up and leave.
While he was debating whether to stay or not, your eyes caught sight of the bracelet he wore. Wait… was that the gift you made him?
“I-is that-” before you could finish what you were saying, Ayato immediately pulled his sleeve back down. Time to go.
“Uh, it’s nothing. I should give you space,” he started as he stood up hastily. But before he could get far, you grabbed his arm, pulling him back to you.
“L-let me see!”
“I-I have to go-” he said as he tried to pull your hands away but you managed to yank him down. “H-hey get off!” You threw yourself over him as you reached for his arm on the other side. He threw his arm away from you and both of you struggled for a few moments as you tried to reach for his hand. He did his best but you caught his sleeve, roughly pulling it down. “Stop, don’t look! It’s nothing!”
Oh… but he could no longer hide the beautiful charm bracelet. You froze, eyes wide as you stared at his wrist. At this point, Ayato had stopped struggling, giving up the fight. You’d already seen it anyway.
“Y-you’re… you’re wearing it…” you whispered, looking at him for answers. Ayato sighed in defeat and nodded.
“I… have since the day you gave it to me.” You shook your head, sniffling.
“No, that’s a lie. I saw it in the trash.” Ayato propped himself on his elbows, moving much closer than intended but didn’t realize it at the moment.
“It’s true I threw it away but I… I came back because I forgot something and I saw you crying over it. You got angry and threw it, causing it to fall behind a vase. I knew the last person you wanted to see was me, so I just… left it. I found it later that night and I’ve been wearing it since.” You two were silent as you processed his words, your eyes widening again.
“Y-you saw me?” He nodded.
“Yeah, you had the box in front of you and you were crying.” Even recalling the memory was painful, but he had to face his mistakes.
“B-but when Thoma found m-me, he said you were l-looking for me.” Ayato’s eyes widened as he looked away, immediately searching for an excuse.
“N-no, that w-was because um, no he was just… I-I was looking for you, I just…”
“Why are you lying?” Once again, the man sighed in defeat.
“Because… I’m not trying to win you over. I’m not trying to compete with Thoma and I’m not trying to become a real husband now, two years later. I… just wanted to apologize for what I’d done to you. I don’t intend to force or guilt you into anything. I just… wanted to say sorry.”
“Just… say sorry?” He nodded, slowly pushing you back as he sat up completely.
“I’ve hurt you and I’ve made you cry probably more times than I’ll ever know. And for that, I’m sorry. You don’t… deserve someone like me, you deserve someone like Thoma. Someone who’s always taken care of you, who’s always been at your side, and who’s always made you smile. I won’t play victim, I won’t guilt you, and I won’t beg for you to give me a second chance because I know I don’t deserve it. I had two years to get better and I waited until it was almost three. You… were doing good without me and you don’t need me dragging you down. But if I was an anchor on you… then I want to let go. So if my actions held you back, I hoped apologizing would maybe give you closure.”
You nodded as you wiped your cheeks. That’s… all this was. You couldn’t help but be disappointed. He finally recognized what he did and he said sorry, what else did you want?
Oh, that’s right. You loved Ayato and you wanted this marriage to work. But he still didn’t. At least this time, his decision was for your best interest.
Summary: You first knew Ayato years ago. He was handsome, charming, and loved to provoke a reaction from you. Yet, the love of your life, the next head of the Kamisato clan, left you. Now he was at your door, shocked to see you were home. If you put your anger aside, perhaps you'd learn why he had to leave you. You were one of the few who can cause him to lose composure after all.
Other info: Angst with comfort, hurt/comfort, 2.6k words, spoilers for Ayato's story quest in the first paragraph
(Inspired by his story quest. I wondered if something in Ayato's past could've made him more personally invested in the main conflict of the quest and it somehow turned into this. I hope you enjoy it.)
Passing by the notice board caused your stomach to drop once again. You knew it was irrational. The wedding was cancelled because it was merely a rumor to begin with. Nonetheless, it left a bitter taste in your mouth, churning up memories you thought you had put to rest.
You stopped in your tracks when you saw a figure at the front door of your home. He was tall, handsome, and elegant as always. You knew him well, many years ago.
You sighed as you approached the door and Ayato was startled to see you. He adjusted the collar of his kimono and you scoffed at his action. Despite now being older and more accomplished, he had the same telling habits when he was in an uncomfortable situation. He had better feel ashamed.
"My apologies," he told you. "I did not expect you to be home."
"What? Your informants gave you the wrong info?"
You struggled with the key at the door and when it opened, you glanced back at him, only to raise a brow at his expression. It was brief, but you were sure you had seen a small smile from him. You disregarded it.
Blocking the entryway, you stood in front of him and crossed your arms. "Why are you here, commissioner?"
His eyes widened, but only slightly, before clearing his throat. "I have business to attend to with your father," he told you.
"For the upcoming festival? He has more pressing matters at the moment. He left me in charge of it for now."
"Ah. I shall return another day then," he said with a polite smile, proceeding to leave.
"If you need to discuss something with me, you might as well spare me the pain and say it now." There was a deeper meaning to your words but you dared not to mention it now.
He fiddled with his sleeve, unsure how to reply. He resorted to a shrug and a chuckle. "I thought you despised being in my presence."
"I do."
Lightning striked in the distance, an ominous sign the skies would pour down with rain any minute. You sighed over the unfortunate circumstances.
"Come inside," you told him. "I have quite a few drafts that need approval. I was going to ask Ayaka but it seems my point of contact has changed to… you."
You gestured to him to come inside, and just as he stepped into your home, a trickle of rain began.
The inside of your home felt a lot smaller than usual. It was never as big as the Kamisato estate, but the last time you were both here was when you were much younger. Your retainer rushed into the room to welcome Ayato and to see if he would care for any refreshments. You went to your office in the back to retrieve the paperwork for the festival.
When you returned to the living room, balancing a stack of binders, Ayato quickly came to your aid. You pushed his hand away and walked to the table before dumping all your work on it.
Over the next few hours, the two of you discussed the drafts of the posters, brochures and other signage for the event. You needed to verify the accuracy of the information, not wanting to give the illustrators and designers the wrong information.
There were quite a few vendors selling goods at the festival, so it was a challenge to consolidate all of their information. Fortunately, Ayato was competent at his job and was familiar with each one like the back of his hand. Almost all.
"There's one more vendor from Liyue," he told you. "But I can't quite remember the name."
"Qingce textiles? You mentioned them earlier today."
"No, not that," he said, placing a hand on his chin. "I don't know if the spelling is correct. I will require one of my retainers to verify it for me."
"No need. I'm familiar with them," you told him. "I frequented their store." You dragged your pen as you wrote out their name. Traveling to Liyue in the past was a nice change of pace from the busyness in Inazuma. No, not the busyness.
You went there after Ayato called off your engagement.
"Have you heard from Watatsumi fisheries?" you asked him. "My father last told me they were still deciding on participating in the festival. Many people waited in line at their stall last year."
"That's a pity. I was told they ran out of their last batch of fish. A certain hired hand left them on the boat to spoil."
You widened your eyes in panic, wondering how your friend was dealing with the situation. But after spotting the slight uptick of the corner of Ayato's mouth, you rolled your eyes and returned your papers.
"That shouldn't be a problem for you, correct?" you asked.
"Of course," he replied. "Thoma also informed me they have plenty in their storehouses. Besides, they still have quite a bit of time before the actual festival to obtain fresh fish."
"So ultimately, your information was irrelevant."
"Perhaps," he told you. As you shuffled more papers, Ayato glanced at your empty cup. "You should get some more tea."
"I'll ask Mizuda to fetch it for me."
"I was implying you needed a break. I can continue here."
Your heart skipped a beat without your permission. Why was it that just after being with him for a mere few hours made you forget that you hadn't conversed in years? You ground your teeth, hoping his business with you would end swiftly.
When you returned from your tea break, you walked back to the living room with a cup in your hand.
"Is that… boba?" he asked. He glanced outside the window as the rain continued to pour down. "Where did you get it?"
"I made it."
You held out the cup and he stared at the drink in front of him. When he took it, his fingers grazed over your hand and he almost dropped the cup in the process. You eyed him, questioning his behaviour and he apologized for his uncharacteristic clumsiness.
The next few minutes were strange. Ayato knocked your biscuits off of their plate when reaching for a new sheet of paper. His sleeve got caught on the edge of his boba cup and caused it to flip over onto one of your binders. It was fortunately empty. You finally snapped when he dropped the ink bottle, which had just missed your rug.
"Ayato, what's going on?" you groaned.
"I–." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It seems you still have this effect on me."
You bit your lip, picking up a few papers but you forgot why you needed them. "You–," you began before taking a breath to compose yourself. "You have no right to have any feelings for me."
Ayato was the boy who promised to go through everything with you. You were best friends turned sweethearts and he was elated to learn his arranged marriage would be with you. He loved to tease you yet you didn't mind. It was some of the few times he had fun as he diligently learned to be the next head of the clan.
You gripped the paper in your trembling hand, holding back tears threatening to blur your vision. "Why– Why couldn't you stay with me?"
He sighed as he leaned back in his seat. "You were simply the price I had to pay," he said, closing his eyes and head tilted towards the ceiling.
"What about me?" you snapped at him. "Don't you think I suffered as well?"
You knew he would be the next head of the clan. He prepared his whole life for it. But it was accelerated when his parents died. It was the burden he had to carry, you understood that. Despite this, the two of you promised to be with each other through these times and were excited to wed each other when you reached adulthood.
He continued to stare at the ceiling before rising from his seat and occupying the space in front of you. He bent down, knees on the floor, and, very gently, tucked in the edges of his kimono.
"I promised myself to never appear in front of you again," he told you. "I never considered an opportunity would arise to apologize to you."
He placed his forehead on the rug and you clenched your fists, your nails digging into your skin.
"I am sorry you had to suffer on my behalf."
"Don't you think it's too late? You never told me why you called off the engagement. Of course, I suffered! You got up and left without a word! How could you do this to me?"
Silence. He didn't give you an answer. Your sweet beloved had left you in a blink of an eye and yet he was here in your house.
You rubbed your temple. "Forget this. Let's just get back to work."
You picked up your pen but he hadn't moved from his spot. "Ayato?" You glanced below you; a small patch of the rug was damp.
You pulled him up. "Ayato," you said in a panic. Tears filled his eyes and coated his cheeks. He quickly hid them behind his hand.
"I've overstayed my welcome." He got up to rush out of your house but you took his hand. It required little force to halt his movements. The feeling of your hand in his had shocked him.
"Ayato," you said again, this time with a gentle tone. He bit his lip, attempting to steel his expression. But it was no use. The tears had already betrayed him.
"My love," you called him this time, and he turned around, embracing you in his arms. His sleeves spread over your back as his tears soaked your shoulder. You stroked his broad back in the same way he used to comfort you.
"Mizuda," you called your retainer and she entered the room. "Please retrieve a handkerchief for me." She nodded and left the room.
"You need not to worry about her," you told Ayato. "She's astute and tight-lipped. I trust her with my life."
He chuckled as he finally lifted his head. "How is it that you are comforting me when you have suffered unjustly?"
"Ayato," you said, staring into his eyes. "I was angry with you because you never gave me an explanation. I thought you didn't care about me anymore."
Your retainer returned with a handkerchief and Ayato wiped his tears. "This is quite amusing. After all these years of leading my clan, I am still very much immature. I am able to confront nobles, stand up against assassins, and uncover the deception of others," he takes your other hand, "but wasn't able to appear before you."
"Were you afraid I'd be angry with you?"
"No. I was afraid you'd be too understanding," he said. "And you would bear the cost of my decision alone."
You rubbed your forehead with the heel of your palm. "Now why would you do that– No, of course you would." He had his own way of dealing with his personal problems.
"I couldn't think of a solution that wouldn't cause you any pain." He released your hands and turned his head away from you. "I thought that you would at least have some consolation if you could direct your anger towards me."
"Is that why there was also an increase of suitors for me when you left?" you sighed. "Were you hoping I'd somehow be comforted by it?"
"No," he shook his head. "I had no hand in that. I considered it, but there was no one I could trust to take care of you."
You let out a sigh when your heart skipped a beat once again. "So why leave in the first place?"
"If I didn't, my sister–" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, disregard that. It was ultimately due to my incompetence that I could not fulfill my promise to you." His hand shook as he spoke, and he clenched it before hiding it from your view. "I could not rely on your family, lest we drag you down with us."
"Drag us down? Did you really think–?"
No. That wasn't it. He needed to ensure stability for his clan after his parents died. If it were only him left in the clan, the Ayato you knew would have run into your open arms, accepting any help you gave him. But if he chose you, he couldn't provide what his sister needed, a strong head of the family who'd forge a path for her. Her, along with the rest of his weakened clan and all who were under his care.
"You wanted to be able to stand on your own two feet." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. "Incompetent indeed."
You didn't agree with him. Power dynamics didn't consume your mind like they did his. But now you could make some sort of reason behind his actions. Perhaps you were both too young and immature back then, not to mention Ayato had little time to grieve over his parents. And after you left for Liyue, he thought it best to not keep in contact.
"I do not ask for your forgiveness," he told you. "I have already put you through too much. But I will not allow you to suffer again," he said, looking directly at you. "I will ensure it."
He folded up the handkerchief and placed it next to him. "Did… you have any other questions? I hope it'll make our future interactions more bearable for you. If not," he continued, "I can arrange for someone else to take my place."
You pinched the bridge of your nose. This was too much to process. "Let's just finish up what we can for today."
The two of you worked for a few more hours and the sun had already set. You had difficulty concentrating and the side glances from Ayato didn't help at all. But one thing was for sure. You missed him. And he missed you.
"It's late." he told you. "I must return to the estate. I can arrange for someone else to come next time."
You crossed your arms, shoulders relaxed, as you leaned on a door frame, watching Ayato retrieve his belongings. "Will you be attending the festival?"
"Of course," he replied, squinting his eyes at a sheet of paper due to the dim light. "I must ensure it'll run smoothly."
"My retainer won't be working that week." You'd be alone then.
The paper fell to the ground as he lifted his eyes to you. He raised his hand to clear his throat. "Perhaps I… should come back to work here tomorrow. So that I won't be as busy during the festival." You raised a brow. "Or not. I'll get Thoma or Ayaka instead to–"
"I'm free Saturday."
Ayato's eyes grew wide. He tightened his lips together and you snorted as he struggled to hold back a smile. He nodded and quickly packed the rest of his papers before leaving your house.
The rain had stopped. The dim lampstands outlined his silhouette as he stood to stare back at your house once more, the man who sacrificed much to accomplish what he did over the years, the same boy you had loved dearly.
Perhaps fate would be kinder to the two of you this time around.
I hope you liked it. :) Fun fact: the textile business is a reference to the reader's occupation from my Kazuha drabble and the fishing business is the reader's from my Itto fic. I was too lazy to think of vendors so I used them. lol. Those two fics have completely different moods from this one though. :)
Please consider leaving a comment if you enjoyed this.
“I don’t know how to live in the world as a Shadowhunter without Will. I don’t think I even want to. I am still a parabatai, but my other half is gone.”
