Common @izacky23 - Tumblr Blog

Lucid Dreams

“What is the 27 year old club? We’re not even out here making it to 21″

Another soul lost, another young talent taken from this world too early. Sometimes it really makes you wonder if there really is a God out there. How could he allow this too happen? For all of these young people to just cease to exist. I remember when I first discovered dude and I first heard Lucid Dreams. I probably listened to the song over Thousands of times in a weeks time. At the time I was having issues with my S/O, and I would love to blast the fuck out of the song driving down the highway, sitting in my car, in my headphones, in my room from my speakers; you name it. Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I tried getting in a long time, usually when that happens it always feels like something major happens. Either someone passes away, or I’m about to go through hell the next day.

Alas, my sense weren’t wrong. My cousins group chat had a couple messages, and I see. RIP Juice Wrld.

My heart sinks, my head goes numb. I don’t know the man. I don’t know his family. Yet. I feel like me world is closing in. I’m hyperventilating like he was my brother. I’m so glad I got to listen to his music while he was here. Though you have moved on before us your music will continue to live on through the people who were able to connect with your Lyrics and Stories. People will miss you dearly, myself included. Much Love Juice, RIP. Edit* - 12/8/2019 - (4:05) (After watching “Juice WRLD Gone at 21) (All Creds to Shawn Cee) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeaYiHg-pC8)

I've been waiting to see what your response would be because I really respect the way you approach things and you come off very sympathetic to not only Juice, but for everyone. Everything you've said is so true about how its these KIDS or Young Rappers, that have no idea how to explain their emotions so they choose to mask it with whatever they can reach for. I was so distraught after hearing Juice passed earlier today.

Thanks Shawn for putting my mind at ease a little bit, to help me remind me why I felt this way for him. His music helped me get in touch with certain feelings I've had for years dealing with failed relationships etc, and man I can't believe how much of a difference it has made. Please people. Don't be afraid to talk about your emotions. Don't wait until it is too late, no we may not have the answers, no we may not be able to fully help, but maybe just maybe. We could make a difference.

RIP Juice WRLD. Gone at 21.

#RIPJuiceWrld #RIP #GoneToSoon #JuiceWrld #ShawnCee #Shawn #Cee #Goneat21

What makes you, You?

Lately I’ve been thinking about running away. I’ve been thinking of how possible it is to completely disappear and start new some where else. I wonder how long it would take people to notice. I wonder if people would notice. Would people care? Regardless, I’ve been fascinated with the idea of being able to rebuild myself around those who have no idea who I used to be. Partly because it could help me figure that last part out as well.

Over the last few years I’ve been really trying to do some discovering. I feel like I’ve spent way too long stuck in a constant loop of: 1) Analyze the problem 2) Come up with some sort of action plan 3) Come up with some sort of schedule to accompany the idea found in step 2. 4) Be Content with having an idea. 5) Follow for a couple days.

This has been my life. However usually at step 5 most people change “A Couple Days” to “Follow for Life” AND, mine comes with a great big handy 6) Start the fuck over because of your Insecurities, Laziness, and sometimes Lack of Care.

So for the last couple of months I’ve been asking my self; 1) Why are you so content with being mediocre? 2) Why are you so lazy? 3) Why are you so indecisive? 4) Why are you so wasteful with your money? 5) Why are you so destructive? 6) Why are you so unmotivated? 7) Why are you so insecure? 8) What makes you, you?

Answering these daily for the last couple of months was supposed to be a unique way to try and acknowledge my problems and after answering them I would attempt to go ahead and “Solve Them.” It’s pretty safe to say, no I didn’t actually answer these questions every day. probably close to weekly, but here goes.

1) I’ve always thought I wanted to be the greatest at anything I set my mind to. Eventually, over the years just meeting certain criteria was sufficient too me. 2) I really don’t do anything until I absolutely need to do it. Even then sometimes I hardly do. (For reference, I’ve stated and I quote “I Will lose X amount of weight this year, for at least 16 years now) 3) Being so certain on something, that could eventually lead to disappointment or getting hurt that I can barely fucking choose what to eat on a date. (Fear of fighting, or date wouldn’t like the place to eat) So I differ. 4) I have this fucking idea that people like me, but a lot of the time its because money hadn’t mattered much to me. So, with a lot of things, like buying for S/O, or friends/Family etc. or just buying shit in general was just whatever to me. 5) I have a hard time believing that anything good in my life is actually just good. (fuck me, am i right?) 6) Honestly, as much time as I’ve spent listening to self help, or self motivation speakers etc, I should be a walking fucking book. And yet here I am on fucking Tumblr complaining about my life and how bad I feel I have it. So.(Beats me) *Shrug* 7) Shit, I’ve only wanted people to like me, the things I wear, the things I own, the things I listen to, the things I eat, almost every single fucking thing I do or think is influenced by the idea that “If you do this, people could like you more” “If you wear that, people would find you attractive” So fucking superficial now that I think about it but *Shrug pt.2* 8) This, is the one question I’ve not been able to complete.

Oh how I loathe the idea that I have no idea how to identify myself except for the words; Depressed, Unhealthy, Broke, and Lonely.

#LateNightThoughts #WhatMakesYouYou?#YoungBrokeAndStupid #Depressed #Unhealthy #Broke #Lonely

I’m trying to be honest.

I must admit I tend to lie a lot, not necessarily about anything in specific, but more so when I do it’s about my well being, and what is really going on in my mind. Sometimes its about my past, sometimes its about what I did over the weekend or what I’m doing through out the day. However, over the last two months I’ve been trying to change that. I’ve been starting to confront myself about everything. Why have I been so content with living this way? Is this really what I could imagine doing the rest of my life? I’ve been in a really dark place the last couple weeks. I questioned life a lot. I’ve had to step back and really evaluate things. I almost gave up. I broke down. I cried. I cried a lot. I wanted to cry more. But no more tears would come. Trust me, I would never want to tell someone this personally. I wouldn’t want to burden someone with my thoughts and feelings. Now you’re probably thinking, “Then what the fuck are you doing writing something on Tumblr about it” While I’m clearly contradicting myself thats not really my intention, I just want to vent, and like I said. I’m just trying to be honest, to whom? I’m not sure, everyone I guess, but more importantly to myself. So for those who care, the cat is out of the bag. No I’m not okay. No I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know how to articulate how I feel. I don’t know even know where to begin. Lets just start at the beginning. 2 weeks ago I bawled my eyes out saying “I’m tired of being tired” “I’m tired of my feelings not being valid” It’s like I can’t have any sort of emotions. It’s either I’m wrong because what I interpreted and felt isn’t what you intended to make me feel, yet it still hurt and you just don’t give a fuck. That’s not pointed to anyone in particular, but it’s meant to almost everyone I know. And OF COURSE no one should have to cater to me or my feelings, but thats not what this is all just about. I know I may sound like I’m being selfish or I’m being needy etc. and yes I am, I seek validation from my peers, I want to be loved, I want to be remembered, I don’t want to believe I didn’t do anything to contribute to life while I’m here on this earth. And THIS, is probably what most would consider my Achilles heel. This is why I feel like people have power over me. This is why I’ve lied all my life. I was talking to my girlfriend and I made a comment saying “Growing up and idolizing people, all I could do was try and wear the things they wore, say the things they said, act as they would.” That’s coming from experience, I did whatever I could to try and fit in that now I don’t even know who I am and what I’m doing. I’ve said this so many times and its so frustrating because this whole year I’ve been telling people I’ve figured it all out. That this time would be different. Now. I still don’t know if this time really is different. I Want to believe it is, I Want to believe I’m strong enough to be better. I want to believe I can be different and that I can achieve all the goals I set for myself. Maybe one day I’ll get to that point where I can finally be happy and not have to worry about what people think about me. Maybe one day I can be comfortable in my own skin. Maybe one day I’ll make an impact on this world. Fuck man. I’m so lost. This post doesn’t even make any sense. This is no cry for help please don’t misunderstand me. I’m just getting things off my chest. Thanks for reading this. This isn’t the end. This is the beginning. But of course, this won’t be the last new beginning.

The Best

I’ve always wanted to be the best in all that I do. However I’ve never been able to be that. I’ve always had interests. Video games,Streaming,Basketball, Music, Poetry, Writing etc. Although, I’ve never been good enough. No matter how many hours I’ve put into something, no matter how many times I’ve done something I’ve never been able to say confidently I’m good at anything I like to do. As I sit here at Midnight. I realize everything I’ve ever done feels like a waste. I feel like I’ve never been sufficient. I feel like everything I’ve done, has been overshadowed by everyone else. I feel like a failure. I feel like there’s so many things that I want to accomplish, yet I can’t and I wont. I don’t know what happened to me that lead me to feel this way, but now I can’t escape it. No matter how many people wanna tell me I’m good at something, my mind immediately goes to “But there are so many people who are better than I am at that one thing.” As I get older I’ve come to realize that I’m no where I imagined myself being now that I’m 23. Frankly if I could go back in time and see who I’ve become I probably would be very disappointed in myself. However, no matter how much I despise my current self, and how much I wish for change, it seems like I just cant achieve it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to shake this pain, maybe one day I’ll be able to overcome my demons. Maybe one day I’ll be the best. but for now I’m useless and I’ll continue to feel that way.