āIām telling you, Jake, it was unbelievable,ā Chase quipped, and Jacobās eyes lingered on his brother as he tugged at the straps of his backpack and smirked. āBottle rocket in the sack, I promise. You should give it a try. These hiker girls are very spunky. No pun intended, of course.ā
Jacob scoffed at his brother, watching his mother glance over her shoulder and give her middle child a scornful look. āReally, Chase, you have to talk about that now?ā
A low laugh escaped Jacobās throat as his brother tried to placate their mother, rushing up to where she was leading the pack with their father. Jacob had a tendency to dawdle on trails like these; it wasnāt because of the physical strain, in fact he liked being out in the wilderness like this, but he enjoyed it so much he found himself lingering to take in the scenery a little too much. His father was started to get aggravated, according to their mother, because the whole trip had been his idea in the first place. He wanted to trek the Appalachian Trail at around 15 miles a day, but so far theyād been averaging 10 and needed to āpick up the paceā so to speak. Jacob knew it, and still he found himself lingering, distracted by the beauty that surrounded him.
The family had already made it well into the Smokies, and were on the second day through the mountains, and so far Jacob was somewhat disappointed they hadnāt seen a bear. The bears were common to that area, or so had said the field guide, and there wasnāt a one to be found. Maybe it was for the better, but still heād been hoping to at least catch a glimpse of one. His thoughts distracting him once more, Jacob was startled from them by the sudden realization that he was alone, and he could no longer hear Chase pleading his case to their mother.
āShit,ā Jacob hissed under his breath, taking off at a brisk pace so he could catch up. Maybe his father had a point, after all.
He found himself at a small creek before long, and footprints in the soil told him that theyād passed through this way, but suddenly he heard something in the bushes that couldnāt have been human. The rustling made him still, and Jacob squinted into the brush to see what it was. Jacob held his breath, fingers tight on the strap of his backpack ā if he had to, heād haul ass the fuck out of there ā but then there was another rustle and out from the bushes darted a chipmunk. It ran between his feet and across the trail, and Jacob snorted, amused with himself. Had he honestly been expecting a bear to come trundling out of the forest? He shook his head, returning his attention to the trail, but before he could set off again, he was distracted by something else. A shout. A very feminine, distressed-sounding shout. Jacob looked back over his shoulder, which was the direction the sound had come from, and he took off without a moment of hesitation, going back the way he came and deviating from the trail to follow the noise.
When he saw the girl struggling to haul herself up the side of a cliff, he instinctively went over and grasped the back of her pack (which was incredibly heavy, what the hell was she carrying in that thing?) to help her get up. Jacob grunted with the effort, sinking down onto the ground next to her and tilting his head. āYou okay?ā he asked, genuinely concerned, āYou know youāre kinda ā the trailās about fifty paces that way.ā Jacob smiled at her gently, hoping to at least put her at ease. āIām Jacob.ā
ENFJ is one of the less common types in the population, especially for men. Among men, ENFJ is the second rarest type. ENFJs make upĀ 3% of the general population.
ENFJsĀ are idealist organizers, driven to implement their vision of what is best for humanity. They often act as catalysts for human growth because of their ability to see potential in other people and their charisma in persuading others to their ideas. They are focused on values and vision, and are passionate about the possibilities for people.
ENFJs are typically energetic and driven, and often have a lot on their plates. They are tuned into the needs of others and acutely aware of human suffering; however, they also tend to be optimistic and forward-thinking, intuitively seeing opportunity for improvement. The ENFJ is ambitious, but their ambition is not self-serving: rather, they feel personally responsible for making the world a better place.
Trivia:
most likely of all types to cope with stress by exercising
most likely of all types to believe in a higher spiritual power
ranked by psychologists as among least likely to have trouble in school
personal values include friendships, education & learning, creativity, and community service
among types highest in job satisfaction, but also among most likely to report plans to leave their jobs
commonly found in careers in religion, teaching, and the arts
famous enfjs: oprah winfrey, martin luther king jr., pope john paul ii, and margaret mead
Catherine listened to him; honestly she didnāt know what to do. Her heart and her head were conflicting and she just wanted to crawl into her bed. Forgetting the world seemed like a good plan right now. Except she couldnāt could she ā gone were the days where Catherine could indulge in self pity. She was somebodyās mother now. He was being so raw, so honest and it was taking every ounce of strength not to move into his arms. She knew he was telling the truth ā she knew that he believed every word that escaped his mouth. Cat just didnāt know if he was being honest with himself anymore; it had brought all her worst insecurities to the surface and she didnāt know how to fix it. She listened as he told her that heād already gotten his closure ā that he wanted her and their son. Swallowing hard, she shook her head. āJacobā¦ā she started; taking a deep breath.
She didnāt even know where to begin. āI just need some time to think.ā She hated how the words sounded, escaping from her mouth. āItāsā¦a shock and I donāt even know how to feel.ā It sounded like some sort of medical procedure, and she hated that. This was their love, their relationship and she hated feeling so detached from it. āI love you.ā She said softly. āThat hasnāt changed.ā Catherine wanted to add that she doubted it ever would. āI want to be with you.ā How could she tell him that right now, the trust just wasnāt there? That seeing him a kiss another woman, even momentarily had shaken her to the very core? āI just think we should take some timeā¦make sure that this ā āher voice trailed off. She needed to know he would fight for them. That this was what he needed and wanted. āā¦I think you should sleep in the spare room, for now.ā She finished quietly.
Crying started softly from the nursery and she shifted awkwardly. Leaning up, she touched his cheek. āWeāll work it out. We have to. For Eli,ā she moved towards the nursery, blinking away the tears as she entered the bright blue room that Jacob had worked so hard on. Reaching down, she scooped up the crying infant in her arms. āHey little man, none of that.ā She cooed softly, āNo more tears.ā She rested him against her shoulder, rubbing his back as she struggled not to let her own out. āWeāre going to be fine.ā She promised him in a whisper. āJust fineā she added. She paced the room, wondering what Jacob was thinking ā wondering if his heart was broken. Wondering what his next move would be. Would he try and work it out, convince her that he was the guy sheād fallen in love with? Would he go back to Olivia? Catherineās heart sank and she swallowed. āSometimes you just want to cry, donāt you little guy? Yeah. Mommy gets it.ā She whispered, her voice cracking as her tears started again.Ā
"Jacob, I need time to think about this. I just don't think it's going to work, okay? I'm sorry. You're leaving, and it's not going to work. Just give me some time -"
"Time, Olivia? Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you understood that -"
"Give me time, Jacob."
"I thought you loved me."
"It's just - it's not enough, Jacob."
He hated that word. He hated that fucking expression. But instead of protesting, Jacob simply nodded, regarding her with dull eyes. As she spoke, he said nothing. There was nothing he could say to change it, and he was too floored to fight. The feelings he felt as she kept on mirrored those of the day that Olivia had made him move on - only right now, it hurt a lot more. His only saving grace was that Cat hadn't really said break up. She just wanted time. But how much time would that be? Make sure that this what? That this was what he wanted? He alreadyĀ knewĀ that she was what he wanted. Yes, years ago he had wanted Olivia and he had been sure about that. But that was then, and she had hurt him and shut him out - but how was he supposed to trust how he felt, especially when things had changed years ago? Was that the point Cat was trying to make? That the trust between him - the trusting of his own feelings - had faded away?
Jacob stared at her blankly as she touched his cheek and left, his emotions having shattered enough to the point where he felt nothing. Jacob took a sharp breath and looked away.Ā "It's not enough, Jacob."Ā Olivia's words echoed in his head. It was never enough. It was always - there was always something to fuck it all up. He could try and try and it just wouldn't be enough. Jacob didn't even know why that was how life went. Why did it always seem like no matter what he did, no matter what kind of intentions he had originally, it all backfired and shot him in the face instead? With Olivia, he'd lost her. With the internship, he'd nearly lost it. Now with Cat - there was a chance he could lose her. He could lose her, he could lose Eli - Jacob shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. This situation was his fault. He didn't deserve to feel sorry for himself.
Ace stared up at him and Jacob shifted down to his knees, wrapping his arms around the dog and pressing his face into the soft fur. He gripped the dog tightly for a moment, flashing back to the moment he'd done the same thing in his bedroom before he'd left for New York. "Good boy," he mumbled, then stood up and walked to the spare bedroom, lightly shutting the door behind him. He moved to the bed and dropped down on his back, wordlessly staring up at the ceiling. Exhaustion consumed him the instant he dropped down, his head beginning to throb. Jacob sighed and threw his arm over his eyes, closing them and trying to get his body to relax so he could nap and try and gather his thoughts.Ā He began to nod off, falling into a restless slumber. "It's not enough, Jacob," Cat whispered, her voice echoing in his dreams.
It all hurt; the lack of explanation and every word that escaped his lips as he tried to explain his reasoning. Through it all she remained mostly silent, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to process it all in her mind. Catherine was in love with him. It was obvious. It was obvious in her every action. From the second that sheād made the decision to give her heart to Jacob Silvestri, she had belonged to him. Her heart, her body, her mind; it was all his. She didnāt want anybody else. Catherine didnāt even toy with the idea. If Ryan fucking Gosling had walked up to her in the street, she would have had to turn him down. She had never needed a ring, because in her mind ā he was the guy that she knew she would be spending the rest of her life with. Married or not. Theyād been through too much together. How could this be happening now? Their child was barely a week old. They were still trying to adjust to it all ā the lack of sleep, the parenting. Now they had to deal with trust between each other too? Was it all a lie? Had that bond that sheād felt, been one sided? Had she somehow made him up in her mind? Was that never who heād really been?
He was pleading with her, insisting he was real; and Catherine felt the tears start to spill from her eyes, unable to keep up with her strong resolve. The fact that they even needed to have this conversation was breaking her. This wasnāt supposed to happen ā not to them. What was that saying? That the road to hell was paved with good intentions? Catherine took a deep breath, struggling as she shakily met his gaze. She believed him. She believed he loved her, she believed that he hadnāt meant for any of it to happen but it still hurt and it stillā¦had happened. She watched his breathing still; for seconds at a time and knew that the pain in her chest was her heart breaking for him. She hated seeing him like this. Catherine hated the guilt and the anger and the helplessness that was all over his face but she couldnāt ā heād done this to himself and she couldnāt fix it. Listening to him talk about their history just made the tears flow more freely and she found her own breathing start to get shaky. She loved him. She loved him for all the reasons heās just listed but she just didnāt know how to feel about this. She didnāt know what to do about it. Her brain and her heart were in a power struggle and something was going to give.
āJacob,ā Catās voice caught as she tried to come up with words. Something to give him, āI believe you okay?ā her voice was quiet. āI believe it was a kiss and I believe you didnāt initiate it butā¦you spent so much time with her, you canāt tell me that this was it ā that there wasnāt flirting or, any of the rest of it. You liked how she made you feelā¦ā She paused, wiping at her cheek and looking at the ground. āI just donāt think you know what you want right now.ā Her heart broke further in her chest, unsure but knowing that she had to do this. āWhich is why youāre off the hook.ā She shook her head. āBecause I know what I want Jacob. Iāve always known and heās in front of me butā¦ā her voice shook. āIf you need time or convincing or spaceā¦ā Closing her eyes, āI have to let you goā her words cracked. āā¦and make you figure that out because, I canāt do this.ā She shrugged and stepped back, tears still streaming. āI canāt be the girl thatās with the guy and wondering if he wants to be with someone else. Thatās not me, Jacob. You need to resolveā¦whatever it is, you need to with her.āCatherine sank onto the couch. āMaybe then we can talk about where that leaves us.ā She took a deep breath. āBecause Iām completely in love with that guy from the Hamptons. The guy that made our first time special, the guy that made me believe in myself. The guy who would go out for food for me at 3am, who held my hand when he thought I was getting an abortion, Iām in love with the man that held my hand for six hours while I delivered our sonā¦.ā there was a small pause, āBut I donāt trust my feelings right now and I donāt trust yours.ā She sniffled and brushed her eyes with the back of her hand.Ā
His heart wasn't functioning the right way. It kept starting and stopping - almost like a car that was running out of fuel. One moment, he'd be hopeful that he'd gotten through to her - and then the next, she would make a motion or get a look on her face that would make him think that he hadn't. It was a horrible process, and the moment her lips parted and she began to speak again, his heart began to pound. He could hear it, the noise it was making in his chest was ridiculous. Could she hear it? She had to be able to hear it, it was so loud. The first few words out of her mouth gave him hope - it was just a one time thing, she believed him, she knew that it hadn't meant anything. But then suddenly she kept talking, and the words she was saying - he didn't like them, not one bit. He wanted to interrupt her and tell her to shut up, because it was all wrong and she wasn't right. But his heart was still stalling, and he couldn't make his mouth move. He couldn't say anything. There were so many words he needed to utter, but they just wouldn't come.
When she said he was off the hook, he gave her a mildly confused look. Was she - no.Ā No. She couldn't do this. Not now. She couldn't, she had no right - they had Eli to worry about, she wasn't thinking straight. She was upset and nothing was making sense and he couldn'tĀ breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe? On the inside, Jacob was a mess. He was panicking and he was begging her to stop talking, because he didn't like any of the words that were flowing from her lips - but on the outside, he was calm and collected, he was clenching his jaw and he was trying to ignore that terror he felt inside that threatened to burst out. He parted his lips and tried to say something to stop her, but again, his words failed him.Ā You can't do this. I won't let you do this. I love you. Stop it, Parker. Stop. Fucking stop it.Ā The words ran through his head like a mantra, but he couldn't get out a single one. When she finally quieted, Jacob was floored. He tried to remember everything she'd said, but it was like his brain had blocked some of it out. Jacob felt like he was floating, like he was in a bad dream. Maybe that was all this was.
What could he say now? The first thing in his mind was Eli. What happened there? She honestly didn't expect him to just stay away, did she? She had everything he owned. Jacob should've thought of that first, he supposed. He shouldn't have been so fuckingĀ stupid. But she didn't know the full story. She didn't know that he'd told Olivia to go home, and that he didn't want any part of her. All he had wanted was his family, and now - now his palms were aching uncomfortably. Jacob tried to ignore the feeling, taking a shallow breath as the ache started in his gut instead. He had to do something. He had to stop her - he had to make her see. "Cat, there isn't anything that needs to be resolved. I don't want her. I haven't wanted her since - since..." he whispered, his voice breaking at the end of the statement. Fuck, he'd told Olivia this just days ago. Why couldn't he think of it now? Why was it still so hard to breathe?
"I don't want her!" he insisted. "I want you - I want you, and I want our son, and I don't give a shit about Olivia. I haven'tĀ changed, Cat. I don't need her and her flirting - I didn't want it. I didn't ask for any of that. What she does on her own is her fault, not mine." Jacob clenched his jaw again and looked away, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to think straight. He had to think of something. He had to be sure about what he was saying, and he couldn't sound stupid. He exhaled slowly, then looked back over at the crying woman in front of him. "I know I didn't push away soon enough. I know I screwed up last week, giving her attention. That's why I went there. I wanted her to see that I couldn't be that guy for her anymore. I already told her to go home, Parker," he tried. He had to try. He had to keep trying, even if he did hate the way he was pleading and he wasn't even arguing or putting up a strong defense. He was begging her. She had to see it this way. "It wasn't - I didn't..." he trailed off, the defeat creeping up on him like a monster in the dark, suffocating his pleading, shoving it down and making him its victim. His head swam for a moment, the weight of it all crushing him.
"I don't want her," he repeated quietly. "I never wanted her the way I'll always want you - and our son." He stared at a random point on her wall, unseeing for the most part. He didn't want to continue, because Jacob already knew that it was done. He didn't want to be the one to talk about leaving. If that was going to happen, then he had to just leave. Jacob's resolve wasn't that strong. If she was going to bring it up, he'd rather just leave now. He didn't need his stuff. He could get it later when he was collected, when things didn't feel raw. Jacob tried to think of what he could do. He could go bunk with someone, go back to his old room - no, he couldn't do that. Drugs. He couldn't go risk it. He could get a hotel, but that would be pricey, to say in the least. Jacob thought about all of these things as he stared at her wall. He should go. HeĀ hadĀ to go. He couldn't stay standing there in front of her, not now. He already felt like he was going to stumble back or just drop to the floor.Ā
Catherine found it difficult to look at her boyfriend. āYeah she sent it to me,ā she acknowledged after a few seconds; not that he was waiting for the confirmation. He knew. She listened as he started trying to explain it; how heād gone to the hotel with the intention of telling her that he wasnāt going to be around. She almost cringed as he mentioned their sonās name, anger bubbling within her and she wanted to snap at him. Catherine was amazed how fast her motherly instincts had kicked in ā she wanted nothing more than to protect her child; even now from this conversation. He was holding her gaze, but she couldnāt help but wonder if he was lying; the seed of doubt had been planted ā she had visual evidence of him kissing her and nothing of him pulling back. āJacob, look at thisā¦ā she tapped the screen and spoke in an even tone, āYou still kissed her back. There was a second, a moment ā whatever you want to call it and you didnāt think about me. You didnāt think about Eli and you justā¦ā her voice trailed off.
She turned, taking a deep breath and willing herself to get it together. If she lost the plot now ā what good would it do them? What good would come of it? She had to be strong. She had to get to the bottom of this, because it wasnāt about her anymore. It physically hurt her, hearing the tone, the worry, the pleading in his words; did she honestly think he would cheat on her? Catherine ran her fingers through her hair, looping it back behind her ear and slowly turning back to face him. God; she wanted to believe him ā she did. But sheād warned him, sheād said that Olivia would bring trouble and heād brushed off her concerns. Now sheād had to watch him kissing her. The most painful few seconds of her life and sheād forced herself to watch it over and over again; the image now burned into her memory so that she wouldnāt lose focus in this moment. So she wouldnāt look into his blue eyes and feel weak. Sheād stood in this position before, with James and also with Jacob. Vaguely she recalled standing in the doorway of her apartment after the worst night of her life. Hearing him say that he hadnāt done anything with Isabella; after sheād implied they had. What if something had happened then too? What if she was just foolish to believe that he was one of the good guys?
Hearing him tell her that he loved her only made it hurt more; hearing him say that he was in love with her ā that his feelings for Catherine were so much stronger than those for Olivia just made her want to cry. Why would he ruin it then? Why would he risk it all? For a moment or two with thisā¦bitch from his past? āIt doesnāt matter,ā she said softly. āYou didnāt tell me about it. If it meant nothing and if she came on to you ā why didnāt you tell me it happened?ā and she met his gaze. Her hazel expression softened and for one second she felt like she might cry; might crumble under his blue stare. He looked so genuine, so scared and she wondered how he could have gotten them into this mess. āI donāt know how I feel.ā She said honestly and then she paused, her throat clearing before blinking away the tears. āI just keep building people up in my head ā trusting the wrong guys, and Iāve always done that but youā¦ā her breath caught. āI thought we were real. I thought this ā us, our familyā¦I thought that this meant something ā meant everything, Jacob.ā She shook her head, āBut I feel like I donāt even know who you are right now.ā It was real and it was honest. The thought terrified her.Ā
He hadn't thought. Jacob set his teeth, crossing his arms as he looked at the screen. No, he hadn't thought. He had been caught off guard. But Jacob wasn't going to explain that. It was a bad excuse - Cat would see it as nothing more. It wouldn't help his position. It was a useless fact, and Jacob knew arguments weren't to be won with useless facts. He tore his gaze from the screen and looked at Cat, wishing there was something he could do to make her see it in the way it happened, not in the way it had been highlighted. "And I just what, Cat?" he questioned. "Fucked up? Didn't push her away quickly enough?" he supplied. He wanted to hear it. He wanted her to say it back to him. He wanted the words to hurt, and he wanted to make sure that she saidĀ exactlyĀ what she was thinking. If they were going to do this, then he wanted to make sure it was all out on the table now, not lurking in the back of her mind to come out later.
Jacob didn't know what to do. He didn't know what he could say, either. Would anything help? Somehow, he doubted it. No matter how many times he told her he loved her, and that the kiss was nothing, and that he didn't want anyone else - he just had a feeling she wouldn't believe him. "I didn't tell you because it was trivial and I didn't want something like this to happen," he explained, his tone tired. "I didn't want you to worry about the kiss all the time, to wonder if I was telling the truth. Because let's face it Parker - you would've, in the back of your mind." Although, he supposed her hearing it from him would've made it better than that fucking video on her laptop. Jacob closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, then flickered them back open and looked over at her. Blue to hazel. A silent plea to a strengthened resolve. "IĀ amĀ real, Cat! It does mean everything - our family means everything to me. That's why I went over there in the first place," he said, his tone dropping back to pleading. She had to see that, right? It had to be there somewhere. She had to know that he meant it - all of it.
The next words out of her mouth made him pause. They sliced through him like a blade, but Jacob had wanted that, hadn't he? He had wanted to know the raw emotions - but now, he wasn't so sure he did. He didn't move for a few seconds, barely breathing as he stared at her. What could he say to that? "I'm not any different from the guy who you swam in the pool with. Or the guy you went horseback riding with. Or the guy who stayed at your apartment for about four days for no particular reason. Or the guy you made love to that first night at the Hamptons." He took a breath and then sighed quietly. "I'm not any different from him. I'm still the guy you broke up with. The guy who drank himself into a fucking stupor for days after - the guy thatĀ youĀ fell in love with. I'm him, Cat. He's me. We're still the same person - just because she kissed me, that doesn't meanĀ I'veĀ changed."
Was something wrong? Was he serious? Everything was wrong. Catherine didnāt even know where to begin with him; with her laptop resting beside her and an unreadable expression in her gaze; she looked at him like he was a stranger. The same blue stare that made her feel safe and secure ā that made her have faith in them and the life that they were building togetherā¦now made her feel sick. It was all lies. Sheād known that Olivia was trouble but she hadnāt expected this. Catherine hadnāt expected Jacob to run off and see her, the first chance that he had. She hadnāt believed that he would want to hurt her, but the evidence was there. She had video of it ā from Olivia herself. āThought you should know,ā was the cryptic message that had accompanied it. For the last hour, Catherine had been sitting at home; on her own ā staring at the laptop. Her son, and her had been crying together until sheād finally managed to get him to drift off to sleep.
Staring up at Jacob, she felt hot tears threatening to spill as she mentally cursed herself for being so stupid. Heād done exactly what her mother had said he would ā god, were there any decent guys left in this world? What was going to happen now? It wasnāt just them to consider, they had Eli. They had a son together. She wondered how far it had gone, had it stopped at a kiss. Had he lied to her about the pool and about everything else? What was so special about a high school love that had broken his heart? What was it about her that would have him risk everything? Did Jacob feel trapped, was that it? Was he having second thoughts about becoming a father? Was he having second thoughts about them as a couple? How could he have sat on the couch with her just last night, held her while she cried and made her feel like they were solid? Like he loved her?
Her words were failing her, and as much as she wanted to do something ā anything, angrily yell at him ā slap him, demand answers; cry. She couldnāt, all Catherine could do was stare at him with hurt and shock and disbelief. Struggling, she swallowed; her hazel eyes glancing away from him as they started to fill. Trying to keep it together, she just felt defeated; like she had failed in some way. Was she not good enough? Had the sex struggled since her pregnancy? Was Jacob not being satisfied? No ā screw that; she was Catherine fucking Parker and she was legendary. What the fuck did this girl have on him? Slowly she turned her laptop around to face the screen to him. āYou might want to watch that,ā she managed to get out, her words low and hoarse from crying. āBecause yes. Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong, Jacob.āĀ
Jacob couldn't exactly pinpoint the expression on her face - something that sent warning flags up in his mind. He knew Catherine Parker's emotions, he could read them - but right now, he couldn't. She looked caught between hurt and pissed and everything in between, which put him on edge. What had happened? Had her parents come for another visit? He was about to ask when she beat him to it, turning the screen around so he could see. Jacob blinked and stared at it for several long, silent moments. Olivia. He should've known. Jacob ran his tongue over his lips as he studied the screen. It looked a lot worse - Cat only had the short frame where they'd been kissing, nothing else. It looked incriminating and terrible and Jacob had no idea if he'd be able to convince her that it had meant nothing and he hadn't even instigated it.
"Cat," he began, his tone wary, "she sent it to you, didn't she?" He didn't need her to answer. He already knew. "She kissed me in the hotel, yes. I'll readily admit that," Jacob said, figuring that he had shot himself in the face the moment he'd gone to that damn room. "I went to see her to tell her I wasn't going to be spending time with her because of Eli," Jacob murmured, bringing his gaze up to meet Cat's. He held her gaze as he spoke, hoping that it would mean at least something if he didn't look away. "She brushed it off, flirted, and then kissed me. I shoved her back, Cat - which the video obviously doesn't show. If she sent it to you, do you honestly think she did it for any reason other than creating a rift between us? So of course she'll show you the worst part." Jacob bit the inside of his cheek, pausing unsurely, not knowing if this would be able to end well. Would she believe him? Or would she assume his major only benefitted his lying, and he was actually cheating on her?
"You can't honestly believe I would - " he cut himself off. He couldn't even say it. Cheat on her. He wouldn't do that. Jacob wasn't that guy - he wasn't James. But that was probably how it looked. Catherine Parker already had trouble trusting men, and thanks to Olivia, all Jacob looked like now was a stereotype. He clenched his jaw and shook his head. Damn her. This was all her fault. Why was it that every time he tried to do something good, it turned out like this? "You don't believe me, do you?" he muttered, dropping his gaze for a moment. If she did, he doubted she would've looked like she'd been crying for hours. If she did, he doubted that she would look quite so upset right now. Jacob had no idea if the words he had just said would sway her opinion - but he could only hope desperately that they had. "Parker, I love you. I'm in loveĀ with you. Olivia never made me feel the way I do about you, Cat. Not once. And when she kissed me the other day, I shoved her away because I had gone there to fix things, and to let her know that I was looking out for my family. I didn't go there begging for her to do it. I didn'tĀ wantĀ her to do it, but she did." He faltered, then ceased his words. The ball was in her court now.Ā
Jacob had taken a leave from work to be with Catherine and Eli, and yet for some reason, he was still getting calls. The next thing he knew, Stephen had called his phone five times and had told him he needed to get his ass down to the office, because they were having a crisis because the intern that had taken over for Jacob was terrified of cameras. Go figure. So, he had left earlier and had hoped that he would be back at a decent time - but alas, that hadn't happened. It was nearly six and he was just now on his way home, and it was all thanks to Stephen. At least Jacob had gotten an extra pay out of it, but that was only probably because the other man didn't want to have to worry about Jacob trying to blackmail him with the fact that his leave technically should've started over the moment they made him come back in.
Jacob sighed and resisted the urge to yawn. Eli still didn't understand the concept of sleeping, which meant that Jacob and Cat were both ridiculously exhausted. For a few moments, he wondered if he should get anything for dinner. Unless Cat had eaten it all, he knew there was at least two containers of leftover Chinese in the fridge though - so it probably wasn't necessary. For a brief moment, Jacob thought back to Olivia and the kiss a couple days prior. It hadn't been anything at all like it used to be - there was no feeling, and Jacob had felt dirty the moment she had done it. Sure, he hadn't pushed her away instantly - but he had been shocked, because he had honestly been under the assumption that she knew what she'd been getting herself into. He had thought that she had come to New York just as a friend, just to see him and hang out with him - not to sabotage his relationship with the mother of his son.
Shaking his head, Jacob pulled the door to the apartments open and headed in. The doorman glanced up and then rolled his eyes, going back to whatever it was he'd been doing. Jacob suppressed a smile and headed to the elevator, pushing the button and waiting a few moments before stepping inside. He rocked back on his heels as it took him up, slipping his hands in his pockets. Jacob wondered how Cat was fairing with Eli. She had been so tired last night, especially when he'd started crying at three in the morning and she'd fallen asleep in that rocking chair until he'd started fussing again. And then, Jacob had woken up and taken over. After that he'd gone looking for her, only to find her sprawled on the couch watching bad television. He'd gone over to her and curled up with her and they'd fallen asleep, only to be woken two hours later by Ace barking in their ears because Eli was crying but they hadn't heard it thanks to the lack of baby monitor in the living room.
To be honest, Jacob wondered if they would ever have a full night's rest again. He loved Eli - really he did - but the boy sure as hell knew how to cry like there was no tomorrow. Jacob rubbed the back of his neck as the elevator dinged, leaning his head back and then heading off of it once the doors opened. He strolled to the door and unlocked it and opened it, Ace charging over to him the moment he walked in, tail wagging. "Hey boy," Jacob said offhandedly as he shut the door and reached his hand up to undo his tie, pulling it off. Jacob pulled the coat off next, throwing it over his arm. He glanced around, wondering why it seemed so eerily quiet. Maybe it was because Eli was sleeping? Jacob headed back to their room, setting his things on the chair. "Did you finally get him to go to sleep? I'm impressed," Jacob commented, then turned to look at Cat. He paused at the expression on her face. "...Is something wrong?" he asked slowly, a mildly concerned feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Do you even care that Cass is missing? You and Cat are being selfish
Let's get some things straight. Cat and I can't always come to the fucking rescue. We love Cass as much as the next person, but we have a son to take care of now. We can't just run off and leave him in the apartment and expect Ace to take care of him, now can we? And before it's suggested, I'm not going to leave Cat and try and find Cass becauseĀ I need to be here. I need to be here, taking care of my girlfriend and our baby. What are you doing to help anon? How about you fork out the 20k and then we'll call it all even and you can call us as selfish as you fucking want.
Jeff munched on a few peanuts before he turned his face up to meet Jacobās conversation. He didnāt want to seem rude like he was ignoring him. The guy deserved his attention if he was talking. āI guess itās done. Cass doesnāt even wanna see me right now, soā¦ā He trailed off, shrugging quickly. He understood that she needed space, but he thought she would still be his best friend. Now sheās missing and everything between them was at blows. The guilt he felt was huge. What if he never saw her again? Would he never get to apologize to her? He sighed, taking another large bite.
āWell, Iām sure Cat will realize itās worth it once she meets your son. Isnāt that what they say childbirth is like? Itās going to be a bitch but sheāll get through it. If sheās anything like Iāve heard, then sheās one tough girl.ā Jeff had heard countless times from Cass, and on the dash, that she was the strongest girl to be known. He almost envied that. Jeff smiled at Jacob, knowing that he must feel like the luckiest guy. āSo your life is working out pretty well then?ā he teased, shaking his head a little.Ā āIām uh, kinda excited. Scared fucking shitless, but excited none the less.ā He answered quickly.
āI mean, my dad was a great dad. He and my mom did everything for me. Theyāve been in love for almost 40 years. I donāt want my child to not have that, just because Daisy and I arenāt together.ā He explained, running a hand through his hair nervously. Too much had happened lately for him to process. āI keep having this dream that Iām holding the baby and then Daisy takes her and suddenly theyāve vanished. Like I canāt stop them. I know that Daisyās parents want her to move back home but they canāt just control her like that, right? I mean, itās my kid too.ā Jeff groaned. Jacob had this all figured out. He and Cat practically lived together.
Jacob nodded at Jeff's explanation, figuring the other male wouldn't really want to continue on with that topic. Cass not wanting to see him didn't really seem like something Jacob figured that Jeff would want to go into. So, instead of pressing the issue, he picked up another fry, dipped it in ketchup again, and bit off the end. He put the rest into his mouth just as Jeff continued talking, this time going more into Cat. Jacob smiled faintly and nodded, then took another bite out of his burger. He chewed slowly and then swallowed. "She is a tough girl. I've got faith in her. But sometimes I wish she would have more of it in herself." And he did. The fact that she sometimes put on a strong front, but was really scared underneath was something that Jacob often attributed to her parents. He figured that they had torn her down enough, which was why the confidence stayed up around so many but faltered when she was alone or with him. Jacob hated that, and he hated her parents for it.
"Yeah, it is. I mean there are snags here and there, but it's life - that's what's to be expected, right?" Jacob offered, then shrugged. Jacob nodded as Jeff mentioned that he was both excited and scared about it. That was how Jacob had felt initially - and after, the fear had worn off. He felt pretty confident about Eli coming in a couple weeks. By that time, everything would be ready and good to go. Come to think of it, he hadn't even assembled the crib yet. "Yeah, I get that. I think I've passed the scared phase into more like confident and sure about it. But maybe that'll change when he's born, I don't know. I just know what kind of father I want to be to him, and I think that's helped a lot. Just make sure you know that, and you know what you're going to do for your little guy - or girl - and I guess after that things slowly fall into place."
"I'm sure your child will understand it someday. And you don't have to be together to be supportive of your kid, you know? There are a lot of people who have divorced parents that grow up just fine, as long as the parent supports them and stuff." Jacob wasn't exactly speaking from experience on that one, but he knew enough people. His parents were fairly similar to Jeff's - only they'd been together a few less years, but Jacob figured that was mostly because they were younger. Jacob nodded at Jeff's fear, mulling it over. It was definitely something to be scared of. Was it something that Jacob should be worried about? Should he worry about that one time he could fuck up, and that one time Cat could take Eli away from him? Or if her parents decided to be conniving and try and turn Cat against him, would that pose a problem. Jacob stilled for a moment, then shook his head. "I guess that's just something you'll have to work out with her, you know? Try to convince her, but if that fails - just pay the child support, and try to visit when you can. As long as that kid knows that you want to be there for her, it's a lot better than just having a deadbeat dad who pays the minimum child support and dumps the kid off on its mother, y'know?"
It was getting later, but Jacob had nominated himself to go out and get diapers. They hadnāt really stocked up that well before Eli had arrived, and in his rush to finish the nursery and make it perfect, Jacob hadnāt had the opportunity to go out and buy much of a supply. He yawned and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to wake himself up. Eli had cried at various hours the previous night, and the fact that he hadnāt really slept the day before hadnāt helped at all.
Jacob had one quick stop to make before he got the diapers, though. He glanced up at the familiar hotel and then walked inside, heading up to Oliviaās room. Jacob paused outside the room - number 224 - and then brought his hand up and knocked. He glanced down at what he was wearing, then looked back up. This would be a quick visit. All he was doing there was telling Olivia that he was going to be swamped with his newborn, and that Jacob didnāt think there would be much time for anything else the coming week. Heād apologize, tell her to look him up if she ever came back, and then heād get out of there and go back to his original destination so he could buy the diapers and then just go home and be with his family.
When the door open, Jacob smiled and opened his mouth to ask her if he could come in, but she stepped aside without bothering to hear his explanation for seeing her. Jacob shrugged to himself and went inside, then turned and faced her, mildly surprised when he found her just a step behind him. She looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes and smiled coyly. Jacob offered her a slightly tight smile in return.
āI wanted to talk to you about - ā
He paused as she reached for his tie, undoing it in an easy motion. Jacob glanced down and then looked back at her. What the hell was that all about?
āYou still canāt tie a tie, can you?ā
āActually, I can.ā And she did, too. Jacob glanced down, then looked back at her, about to say something about being mildly impressed when she tugged his tie and brought him closer, kissing him full on the mouth.
Caught in a moment of surprise, Jacob didnāt comprehend that he hadnāt pulled away from her yet. His hands moved to her waist, half a second from pushing her away when he felt one of her hands sneak down to his crotch, rubbing over him. Jacobās brain snapped back in the next instant and he shoved her back, wiping his mouth and scowling at her. āWhat the fuck do you think youāre doing, Olivia?ā he accused.
She tilted her head and smiled at him, slowly and slyly. Jacob swallowed. He knew that look. It was the look sheād used the first time they met. That flirty look that meant she was about to say something he wouldnāt appreciate. Back then, maybe he wouldāve liked it - but now he didnāt. āIāve been trying to fuck you for a while.ā
Jacob stared at her. āFuck, Olivia, are you psychotic? I have a son! I canāt be doing this shit with you. I donāt want to do this shit with you. I love Cat, Olivia. I donāt love you anymore. I stopped loving you the moment you walked out on me.ā
Olivia ran her tongue over her lips, then smiled at him sweetly. āJacob, look at her. She just had a baby. Do you honestly think sheāll be up for sex soon? That her body will just snap back into what it had been? Hell, you can stay with her - she doesnāt have to know about us.ā
āOlivia, what the fuck?ā Jacob snapped, taking half a step back. He crossed his arms and frowned at her. āI love Catherine. And there is no us! There hasnāt been an us in years! You canāt just waltz back into my life and expect to own me - especially not now. Iām not going to let you fuck this up for me. Theyāre the best thing thatās ever happened to me, Olivia.ā
She went quiet, then cocked an eyebrow, crinkling her nose. āWhatās that supposed to mean? How are they the best, Jacob? Look at your career - look at your life! Itās perfect, Jacob. It was perfect without them, too.ā
āNo,ā he said, shaking his head. āNo, it wasnāt. They complete me, Olivia,ā Jacob explained, lifting his gaze to look at the woman standing across from him. āThat baby is mine. I love him, I love him and Cat more than anything in this world. They mean everything to me, Olivia. And you know what? If I fail in my career, or if Iām not the man I thought I was, thatās okay, because I know Iāll always have them. I know that Cat will support me, and she wonāt hate me like Iād hate myself if I fucked up everything and ended up working in a job that didnāt pay me more than minimum wage. Sheād try to make it better for me. And my son? Iād do anything to support him, Olivia - because I know heāll always be there for me, too. Iām going to be a good dad to Eli.ā
Olivia pursed her lips and then snorted, glancing away from him, crossing her arms. āI donāt see how thatās perfect, Jacob. So you have a family - so what?ā
Jacob sighed, then tipped his head back and looked up at the ceiling. āI donāt know how else to explain it to make you understand,ā he confessed, then looked back at her. āI donāt know what to say to you. Money, success - that can all be destroyed so easily. But family is something thatās far more important than that. And Iām not going to let you fuck it up. Youāre my friend, Olivia, and nothing more. I could never see you that way because Catās the only one I want. Sheās the mother of my child, and I donāt care if her body isnāt what it used to be right now. I donāt care if you think I should get rid of her. The only person who can change my opinion of Cat is myself - and Iām not letting petty comments like that fuck the best relationship Iāll ever have up.ā
Olivia went silent again, and Jacob wondered if that was what would finally do her in. If the backhanded comment about their own past relationship would be what finally got through to her. She looked down at the floor, and Jacob felt uneasy as he heard her sniffle. A part of him thought it was a ploy though, so he didnāt move. He stayed where he was, kept his arms crossed - and that was why, when she looked back up at him with tears in her eyes, he put on a mask instead of going over and holding her. He couldnāt do that, especially not if he was under a suspicion that she was doing it just to lure him in.
āI loved you, Jacob,ā she finally whispered.
āI know.ā
āIām - Iām sorry. That I let you go, and...about that night I - ā
āOlivia, donāt.ā
āNo - I need to say this, Jacob.ā Jacob went silent, watching as she took a deep, shaky breath. āThat night that we split up. The night right after graduation, where you started talking about the future. It scared me, Jacob. It scared me and I knew I couldnāt be that girl for you. I couldnāt be the one to break that to you, though. So I broke up with you, instead of telling you that I never wanted to be that girl. I thought - I thought it would be easier that way, because then you could move on, and you could hate me for it all.ā
āIām not the hating type.ā
āI know - and that was why I came to New York. I thought that maybe...maybe youād take me back, and we could be what we were. It was so easy, Jacob - slipping back into old habits, I mean. I didnāt realize that Cat meant that much to you. And I hate her, Jacob. I hate her so fucking much because you love her more than anything. You love her more than you used to love me, Jacob.ā
It was odd, hearing Olivia say that. Jacob stared at her for a moment, then looked away, his gaze drifting to the bed. Was that really true? Yes, he felt as though it was. He loved Catherine so much more than he had ever loved anyone else. It was just strange to hear someone else say it out loud - especially Olivia.Ā
āIām sorry, for what itās worth,ā she offered, her voice unnaturally quiet. Jacob tore his gaze from the comforter and looked at her. āAbout the kiss. And the trouble I bet I caused between you and...her. I just came here under a delusion, and itās made me a person this week that Iām not proud of.ā
āYeah,ā Jacob agreed quietly. āIām not proud of that person, either.ā
Olivia flinched, then nodded and bit her lip. Jacob let the words hang in the air, then he sighed heavily. āI need to get going, Olivia. I have a family to take care of.ā Jacob headed toward the door, not bothering to look back over his shoulder.
āJacob?ā
His hand paused on the doorknob, and Jacob turned his head just a fraction so sheād know he was listening.
āI love you.ā
āGo home, Olivia.ā Jacob clenched his jaw and shook his head, then opened the door and headed out, tugging it shut behind him.
Eli, I love you, but not crying would be very beneficial to all three of us. You would sleep, I would sleep, Cat would sleep...oh well. Time to go buy baby things.
I think you should get your butt into our bedroom, and bond with your beautiful son and his oh so perfect mother ;) Maybe he just likes you more than me?Ā
Okay, okay. I was stuffing my face. Don't judge me. I bet it's that I just know all the best songs. He might like my singing voice better, but you do all the hard work, so I bet he appreciates you the most.
