Pain-free migraines were not a sensation I was prepared for, at which point do I go to the er 😂 there’s no pain so there’s nothing to gauge aside from the discombobulation
just started watching house and I thought yall were exaggerating but no. every episode is just like three wrong diagnoses that almost kill the patient and then house is like "he has underwater skunk herpes" and they give the guy a new butthole and he's cured. and then house chugs vicodin while talking about wanting to rail wilson.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but sometimes the issue is not that you need to try harder; it’s that you need to try a different way.
This can apply to practically anything, but especially in terms of getting over bad habits or emotional trauma it isn’t typically the case that the individual isn’t trying to the best of their ability to recognize and “get over or through” those bad habits or emotions. Sometimes the problem is that the conventional methods aren’t applicable or functional to that particular person.
If I were to use an individual with ADHD as an example; our support systems love to suggest getting a planner or app to remember details, or going on stimulants in order to function, and while stimulants are known typically to be effective in helping focus levels, sometimes finding the right ones can be a difficult endeavor sometimes even leading to other health complications during the process.
Ex.(Someone with preexisting stomach conditions might gain focus from Adderall but experience more troubles with acid reflux than before). And that individual might not have the metaphorical spoons to put up with the months of experimenting sometimes required to find the right ones.
Therapy and guidance counseling can help that person to recognize their ‘limitations’ for lack of a better word right now, in order to help them overcome them with planned out routines, but without external forces contributing on a daily basis to making planned routines into a muscle-memory routine that doesn’t always work either.
However sometimes it’s the things like “oh I learned to remember this persons birthday because I associate that date with the color orange so I started associating that person with that color” (this being an exact example being from a friend of mine that had a hard time remembering a relatives birthdate) that are unorthodox and don’t often make sense to others, that end up being actually helpful.
Just because someone tells you that you aren’t working hard enough, doesn’t make that true. Just because you’re not seeing progress in the way that others around you are, doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress at all. If you aren’t getting far in healing attempts in the standard ways of doing things, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of healing, it just means that you haven’t found what works for you- and that’s okay! There’s no masterlist to healing, and it’s not linear.
What does need to be said however is that you, and you alone, are responsible for your actions. If that person had said to my friend that they felt like that friend didn’t care when they forgot about the birthdate, their feelings shouldn’t be ignored just because the friend has a different experience with remembering things.
It’s important sometimes to figure out the ways you currently react to situations in order to be ready to try different routes as well. If you’re stuck in a cycle of the same coping mechanisms and responses when those mechanisms fail, to be able to see different ways around problems you need to first be able to get yourself (with support) out of your current headspace and on level ground to try something new.
To use a different type of example of the afore mentioned topic; If I were to say, have a bad depressive episode; and I hurt a friend’s feelings whether by being distant or maybe even by saying that it feels like no one loved me, If that friend were to come up to me and say “hey, my feelings were hurt when you said no one loved you” because maybe that person then felt like their feelings or actions and efforts in showing that they care were ignored in that moment. It would then be my responsibility to say “I’m sorry that I hurt you” and then possibly explain “when I’m feeling down, sometimes I’m blinded by those emotions in the moment and not really in reality, and I don’t feel that way when it passes”. Or if you do still feel that way when the feeling subsides, if you love that person and want to continue a relationship or friendship with them to explain what other support you may need. If you don’t know what that extra support is, it’s important to communicate that as well.
A pretty big cause of friendships ending (aside from just growing apart, or intentionally cruel acts) come from a place of misunderstood boundaries and communication.
Communication doesn’t come easy to everyone, it’s not an inherited trait to be good at talking through emotions and identifying them perfectly every time, communication is a learned and practiced skill with no perfection cap. It can also take the initial point that not everything works for everyone, there are so many different communication styles. What works for someone else might not be the most effective way for you. It’s important to try to find people with similar styles to yourself in order to sustain healthy relationships.
Ultimately though, retaining relationships require a little discomfort and discipline sometimes. Saying that my mental state and disorders caused xyz problem but communicating is hard for me, therefore I need to be accommodated or alone; would be outright wrong of me. It would be the complete opposite of taking accountability, it’s easy to get swept into a toxic relationship with oneself that way. Trying to get used to the communication style that your partner in this situation needs while also letting them know which communication style works better for you so you can find a middle ground is what’s needed.
That’s exactly what that previous mindset can be too, a toxic relationship. With oneself. And if you wouldn’t take that kind of behavior from a partner, you shouldn’t from yourself. Your standards for yourself shouldn’t be ridiculously high, but they also shouldn’t be lower than what you’d expect from another person. You get what you give, in a way.
I may have gotten sidetracked with my points, and leaned in a different way that I was initially going to, but I stand by my initial thoughts that; you are not unloveable, you are not un-help-able, you are not incapable of growth, and I’m sorry if the world has taught you otherwise. You do need to take accountability for your actions, you do need to communicate with the people you love, it was never fair for you to have to put extra work in due to the conditions you were born with, and you don’t need to punish yourself for needing extra help.
If anyone would like more clarification for anything here please don’t hesitate to ask, it would be ironic yet not incorrect for me to point out that I also have ADHD and therefore need a little more questioning in order to get my thoughts out in a more linear fashion. I appreciate anyone who made it through this whole essay, and hope that you may find a way of: functioning, coping, and communicating, that works for you in any given situation.
Also, if anyone else has any unorthodox ways of dealing with situations feel free to share to potentially help others in the comments.
they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me
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