A Warrior. A Weirdo. A Different Kind of Human.

This is the place of all my unfiltered thoughts, creativity, and dreams. Enjoy.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Today is one of those days where I realize just how fucked we are in this thing we call life.

Last night, I discovered that our whole entire galaxy is placed inside of some odd billion light-year gap in space. Meaning that our galaxy is essentially surrounded by nothingness for billions of miles.

Just a reminder of how small we are in this universe.

And yet, here we are "living" as glorified slaves. Majority of us slaving away for billion dollar companies who don't give two shits whether we live or die.

Does anyone realize how sad and depressing this truly is? How we have been bred into financial slavery? When we live on a fucking rock floating in endless space...

We are trained to working 90% of our lives for masters who don't even know our names. Most of us given chump change to survive off of. The lucky ones, become the secretaries of the masters, thinking they've made it, but they really just become house trained and given a bit extra to survive off of...

No one is truly free...

And there is nothing we can do about it but try and make a means to the inevitable end.

So, all this to say, if you want to do something in your life. Go do it. Don't let anyone stop you. Don't let anything stop you. Do not let the masters of the world keep chained to their reality. Because they may seem big, but honestly, they are just as small as we are in this universe.

If we truly only get one life to live, don't waste this shit slaving away to people who don't give a damn about your existence.

LIVE FREE.

✌️

[jaiyemourningstar91]

"Stardust Silence"

I drift beyond Orion's spine,

Where stars forget their names in time.

A phantom wrapped in comet trails,

Whose voice is lost in blackened veils.

No tether holds me to the spheres.

No god to soothe these quiet fears.

Galaxies bloom, then turn to ash.

And still, I float in endless lapse.

The planets spin like ancient gears.

Indifferent to my fall of years.

Each nebula, a painted lie.

To mask the scream I cannot cry.

I am the pulse between the stars.

A tear that never stains the dark.

My thoughts collapse in quantum sleep.

A dream the void refuses to keep.

Alone, I court the moons of none.

A lover cursed to chase the sun.

My name—a rune the cosmos burned.

A truth no black hole ever learned.

Yet still, I burn in dying flight.

A ghost with galaxies for light.

A loneliness so wide, so deep.

Even time forgets to weep.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Somehow, I keep flying too close to the sun.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Even stars need constellations.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

I just want to go back.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

It shouldn't feel the way it does.

[myshadowspace27-deactivated2025]

Even though I've tasted every part of you, you're still a craving I constantly have.

[princey-talks]

Oh my love, I need to chew you up.

We're both black and blue once we're done here. None of it showing once our shirts are back on proper, but underneath, only for us to know of, not an inch of skin is left untouched, unbruised, without a bite mark.

Oh, my love, how I crave you.

How I need to devour you

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Restless. I can't sleep. It's too quiet. Too cold. There's no little space heater running. No periodic movement on the bed. Everything feels too still. There aren't any dogs resting. No sounds of the nearby highway. And then, there isn't the moonlight glow laying next to me anymore...

You really begin to miss the littlest things that you didn't even realize made you feel safe and comfortable when they're gone.

[emptiness-statue]

[jaiyemourningstar91]

New phone. Synced it with my old one. It literally changed my lock screen to my old lock screen that was already changed on my old phone. Made me cry. I'm still sore. I think I'm really going to miss him.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Letting Go

Letting go is harder than I thought it was. Could be. As I am packing my things, I am finding pieces of you. Items we obtained together. The dates we had. The memories we shared. Your voice. Your laughter. All the little quirky shit in between. All the parts of you that I grew accustom to. That I grew to love. And then here I am ever still. Packing. Leaving. Having to let go. We thought we were meant for each other. We wanted it. Yet, something kept getting in the way. Whether it was me or you, something just wouldn't keep us together. Not for now. Maybe never. I wanted it to be forever. I'd like to think you did too. Even beyond all the confliction going on.

Through all my pain. My sadness. I'm hoping we both grow from this. Because, sometimes in life, people enter it and end up being what we need to finally make the changes we've been needing to make for years now about ourselves. And it isn't always pretty. It can get ugly as it has.

Perhaps it isn't meant to be for now. Or ever. But, despite all this bullshit going on right now. I just hope you'll be alright. I hope you find yourself. Find happiness. Even if it means we have to let go of each other.

You never know when its going to be the last time you get to see someone you love. The last time you get to kiss them, hold them. And had I known it would come to this, I would've held on tighter. I would've kissed deeper. And I would've stared at you longer.

I'm sorry. For the both of us.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

[jaiyemourningstar91]

I wish I wasn't as emotionally driven as I am. When things go south and my feelings are disrupted, I'm realizing that I get too emotional over logical sense. And that can lead me into saying things I don't necessarily want to say or comes out wrong verbally and through text. Things flood out of me quicker than I'd like.

And after once I've "come to" or calmed down, I reflect and then I'm like wait, I didn't mean, but the damage is done. The points are clearer. I still need work on myself. Nobody is perfect but damn do I need to learn to pause and articulate my words when I'm going through it. Return to the situation with a leveled state of mind instead of trying to act while feeling so much. Especially when I'm sad, hurt, or confused.

Regret hitting hard. And I don't think I can come back from this like I would like. Sulking on the good memories. The things I grew accustomed to. Knowing I may never have the chance again. And the irony of this all...I really did fumble.

[thoughtkick]

“No-one will love you exactly the way you want them to. You just have to let them do their best.”

— Unknown

[jaiyemourningstar91]

A String of Evanescence of the Forgotten Love

Why did it take me getting hurt and confused for things to be realized? For the changes to be made? After all this time. The effort. Commitment. Everything. Now, it's like most of it wasn't real. A fever dream. I'm not even sure who you are anymore. What we are, anymore. Or ever was.

Tell me, do you even have any of my pictures saved? Are any of the times we've spent together etched in your brain? They say, time is an illusion, but I remember our journey thus far. Do you? Or, has it all been muddled over with everything else? Like the dreams we once shared.

Did anything ever mean anything to you? For me, it still means something.

You're forever an enigma, my dearest, sweetest love. I once told you I'd follow you anywhere, but these roads you've been traveling recently are full of holes that desire nothing more than to swallow me whole. Voids so black you can hardly see. Each time I get near them, parts of me flake away, as if I'm being forgotten.

Are you trying to throw me away? Forget me? Because of the speed in which you're traveling, I'm not sure if I can keep up the pace.

You're slipping away and I can't reach you. The air moves so fast around you, it steals my breath away and I can hardly breathe. I'm suffocating. Aching. And you don't see it. Your back is turned as you march forward, with a string tethered around my heart.

Dragging me, like accumulating baggage.

[griipysockgang-deactivated20241]

You’re either meowing with me or meowing against me