Getting off my chest about watching episode 9 again
thank fucking god i didn't watch the leaks because i would've been losing my mind with that information over my head and not being able to share it with anyone
watching the finale i didn't shed a single tear about Jax abstracting, i kept waiting for any sign of hope that says 'we can bring him back'. but the song credits started playing i didn't clap with everyone else
it only just hit me after leaving that theater. and i held back the actual tears threatening to spill while going home. if people looked at my face too closely it would've looked like i just survived a traumatic event. i did, didn't i.
found a clip of that lamp post scene and i finally allowed myself to cry for real. i understood the understood the parallel between jax and caine, that caine realized his mistakes and grew from it and everyone slowly accepted him, whereas jax never did and lost himself.
and when he admits he doesn't want to go, but he's already gone... he was a terrible person but fuck, man, i'm still grieving
i'm burying myself in fanfiction. i'm in denial but it's been three days already and i'm still not okay. we can't get answers from Goose and the cast until the youtube release comes out and when it does the dam is gonna burst again
