December 2017 Update
It’s been a while since I wrote anything so thought I better give you an update…
What a funny week it’s been. I’d been agonising over what to do about the album since around September and had semi-made my mind up in October to scrap the whole thing, only to realise I probably only need to scrap about a third and make adjustments to the remains. I’ve spent this week doing nothing but recording at home and it’s been sheer bliss now I have the time to fully immerse myself. I’m hearing in my head better than ever how the songs should sound and I’ve woken up every morning excited for the day ahead. I haven’t actually announced it on this page but Ford are using Howl in an advert so I’ve been able to quit work and focus all my efforts on my music. This is my full time job now. I’m over the moon and I couldn’t have done it without you beautiful people. Thank you thank you thank you. It couldn’t have came at a better time.
To give you a little backstory on this year, I’ve been pretty lost and incredibly unhappy but I struggle to be vulnerable (I prefer to just crack jokes) so I hid it from my family and friends and only confided in a very, very select few number of people who were like angels. I hated my life and who I was becoming but I couldn’t see an escape without having to make compromises with music so I just carried on as normal but got high morning, noon, and night to take the edge off everything. Luckily, just as I’d spent late September self-destructing and really struggling to get a grip, I got a call and was told Ford were going to use Howl in an advert meaning I could change everything and not have to make any compromises. I can’t tell you how I felt that week. It was like it had all been set up somehow, like there was a God or I was living in some kind of simulation.
I drove through to my mam’s house a couple of days after getting the news and it was one of the best evenings of my life, just chilling with her and my sister, chatting shit. I properly opened up and told them everything and it was then that the Ford news actually sunk in and I realised a lot of my current troubles and worries were over for a little while.
Since then, I’ve made healthy changes and can feel myself returning to the person I think I am and should be. I want to immerse myself in music and books and let everything I learn influence what I do. It’s hard at times because I am an antisocial bastard and like to be alone 99.9% of the time but you do need people in your life. I’m such a bad replier though I sometimes worry everyone thinks I’m dead ignorant. Do you ever leave a reply so long it gets to that point where you wonder if you can even reply anymore or if that window’s closed? That’s my constant dilemma.
I kind of think of myself in the bigger picture now and that’s changed a lot of things too. I’m aware I’m going to die one day so I just want to work hard and realise my musical potential and leave behind a body of work that simply says who I am and where and when it all happened. It’s easy to get caught up doing what you think you should do but I still believe that if you make good music that’s true to you and immerse yourself in it, stay focussed, and believe in it, people will listen to it and it’ll eventually spread. The world’s changing right now, rapidly. I think the future of music and art is probably not in major labels and what not but in lone wolves like Sufjan and Stormzy (and even Casey Neistat), doing things themselves initially (or forever) and allowing their curiosity and passion to guide them. It’s funny getting older cause you realise all the cliches are cliches for a reason. Life is a journey.
I’ve been messing around with music for 15 years now, first writing terrible classical music on the piano, then writing terrible blues music on the acoustic guitar, and it’s not something I’ll ever be able to stop doing. I love music in most, if not all, of it’s forms and I want to be a student of it for life. I guess knowing that now gives me a certain confidence I’ve lacked this year. At times it felt like this album would be my first and last. I know that’s not the case now. I don’t want to be perfect or make perfect music, I just want to make music that captures and reflects part of me. It’s absolutely unreal seeing how many people are enjoying the music and how many messages I’ve had recently from people saying they’ve connected to the songs on another level or that it’s helped them in some way. As corny as it sounds, I feel like we’ve connected and it’s almost like I understand some of you and you understand some of me. It’s weird but nice and it’s something that’s very new to me. I could certainly get used to it though. All of a sudden what I’m doing doesn’t feel like such a selfish pursuit.
Right, I’m gonna go. It feels a bit weird posting something so personal but I wanted to let you in. I wish I wasn’t so bloody intense like but it’s just who I am. There’s more I wanted to say (I plan these posts in my head when I’m out on a run or on my bike) but I’m going to leave it there and get back to work. Can’t wait to share new music with you. Those who have caught me live this year and know the new songs, I’m thinking Golden Age is gonna be the first single of 2018. Really excited. Speak soon x
p.s. here's the advert... https://vimeo.com/236573074
