permanent vacation ;

jake. 41. actor. the real star of jurassic world. chris pratt, who?? rp blog not really jake.

[jakeyjohnson]

What’s your most used emoji?

💅💍

[jakejhnsn]

annakendrickhq‌:

It feels like its been ten years since I’ve seen you. I know it hasn’t, but I’m dramatic and that’s just how I feel these days. What’s been going on in your life? Everything okay over there on your side of the fence? Staying out of trouble? Also do you have any cookies? Because I’m out and I’m too lazy to go to the store so if you’d like to help your favorite friend out, I’d appreciate it. @jakejhnsn​

That’s because I’ve been avoiding you. My life is better with no Anna in it. I’ve figured out what true peace is without you around. No, I’m kidding! I miss ya. Things are good. I have this weird thing going on with a friend which is pretty confusing so I’m trying not to think about it or my brain might explode. Ugh, fine. I’ll get you some cookies but only if you’re going to share and get drunk with me while we eat them.

[jakejhnsn]

roman59josi‌:

I don’t know when the the new Jurassic Park is filming or anything, but do you need a tiny dino? I can lend one of my dogs if you need a dumb one. I made a video and one of my dogs had half his body in the video….he didn’t know to move…

@jakejhnsn​

We started filming a little bit ago but we’re on a break right now to give the dinosaurs a rest. They’re big divas and need at least a week off every now and again. Dude, yes. We’ll make your dog the star of the movie.

[jakejhnsn]

hqdobreva‌:

Yes, I’m fully aware that you and Nick Miller are the same person, but I’m telling you not to feel that way. Everything’s fine, Jake. This can be whatever we want it to be. A one time thing that meant nothing. We can pretend it didn’t even happen if that helps. You’re not that dumb. Trust me, I’m the one that makes messes with my mouth. Hm, maybe. I guess you’ll just have to see what happens when you get here. If you try to moonwalk out, I’m moonwalking with you.

Is that why you’re so attracted to me and can’t keep your hands off me everytime we hang out? I don’t blame you. Nick Miller was pretty irresistible. The whole it just being a one time thing went right out of the window, huh? I haven’t moonwalked out yet but there’s still time. How you feeling about this whole thing we got going on?

[jakejhnsn]

hqdobreva‌:

You know you don’t have to moonwalk out of this, right? It’s me, Jake. We’ve known each other way too long to let some drunken night on a cruise ship ruin the friendship. Wanna come over tonight and deal with this thing? It’s just me and Mavi for now and I can cook us up some dinner. I know you like food too much to say no.

I know but that’s my automatic reaction when things like this happen. That’s why I feel so awkward about it. It’s you. The last thing I want to do is mess anything up between but we both know I’m dumb as fuck and all I have to do is open my mouth to make a mess of things. I think you’re just trying to get in my pants again trying to get me to come over for food. I accept. I’ll try not to moonwalk out of there if things get weird but I make no promises.

[jakejhnsn]

I know things have been really awkward between us since we got stupid drunk and decided hooking up was smart. Not that I regret it or anything but... everytime I see you now I want to awkward moonwalk out of the situation to avoid talking about it. But, it’s time I put on my big boy pants and we deal with this thing. @hqdobreva​

[jakejhnsn]

hqdobreva‌:

Lowry’s survival is the only thing that matters in this world. All your characters need to be protected at all costs. I know, right? The worst. So nice, so caring, the worst. I don’t know how we all put up with him, honestly. Okay, okay, the dinosaurs are real. I believe you. You wouldn’t protect me if I was on set? That seems shady, Johnson. I’m excited for you! I’ll try to make sure that you get plenty of rest before flying out to film, but I am a crazy fucker and your roommate, so maybe start preparing for exhaustion when you get to set after this trip.

I’m glad someone finally agrees with me. My characters are the only important ones in all of film and television. Nice people are the worst human beings. Like, just be mean, damn. Thank you. I would’ve had to ignore you for this whole trip if you didn’t acknowledge their existence. I’m a shady person, Nina. You should know this by now. You’re not a bad roommate so far. I like annoying you every morning. It brings me so much joy. You wanna go get drunk tonight?

[jakejhnsn]

brielarsonhq‌:

That is so not true! I always have time for the original Jake, I’ve just been too lazy to maintain friendships. I had forgotten what the outside world looked like. I am the worst human alive and I need you to forgive me. Everything is always Pratt’s fault, I hope he feels really bad about all the horrible things he’s done. Please do, it’ll be the most graceful send off you’ve ever had.

Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’ll forgive you but only because telling people I’m friends with Captain Marvel is the coolest thing about me. Nah, you’re busy being a new mom so I get it! How is the little one? Ugh, Pratt is the worst human being I’ve ever met. I hate his stupid handsome face. I’ll do it just for you, Brie. That’s how good of a friend I am.

[jakejhnsn]

zoedeschanel‌:

Ugh you’re going to be there? Can I just throw myself overboard already? Look at us being smart and going kid free on this cruise, we finally get some much needed and well deserved adult time. There’s gonna be another Jurassic World? Yes! That means more Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard on my screen. You’ve got more going on than me that’s for sure. I suppose I can spare an evening or two just for you.

Do it but make sure I’m there so I can watch. Maybe I’ll save you and be your knight in shining armor then you’ll regret ever saying it. Sometimes we have big brains, Zooey. We deserve to live our best lives, have some drinks and do whatever else adults do. Who knows, I’ve forgot. I don’t know who Chris Pratt is. I feel so special! Let’s get lunch.

[jakejhnsn]

hill-tay‌:

wait– there is a third coming out? and jeff is in it? okay i think i need a minute to sit down and process this and mentally prepare myself.

Of course there is! We gotta finish the trilogy off and the only way we can do that is with Jeff. All the other cast from the originals are back, too.

[jakejhnsn]

ratajkowskiem‌:

i didn’t even know they were making a third one. and hear this– i haven’t seen the second one. why? i have no idea, because i did enjoy the first one. maybe my excuse will be just that.. because you weren’t in it. but wait– jeff is coming back?

Go watch the second one! I mean, it’s not as good because I’m not in it but it’s a nice watch regardless. Yes, that’s the best excuse. Heck yeah he is! So is all the original cast of Jurassic Park. We’re all together in this last one.

[jakejhnsn]

cntrlniiiall‌:

Are you going to kill me if I say I never seen that movie? Liam is always telling me to watch it with him, but I feel like huge ass dinos  is going to give me nightmares. Happy to hear you are back though. 

Dude, come on! Have you seen the original Jurassic Park’s at least? Nah, they’re not scary enough to give you nightmares unless you’re like ten or something.

[jakejhnsn]

tommolian‌:

Death by dinosaur might be one of the coolest ways to go, though. If it happens, i’ll make sure to spread the word of your legacy so everyone’s talking about you. Jake Johnson? Yeah, a fuckin’ Raptor got him. 

Right? If I’m dying any kind of way then I want it to be by dinosaurs or I want to be immortal. Thanks, man. Make sure everyone knows how badass I was. Throw in something about me trying to fight the dinosaur to save the world. That’ll have everyone on the edge of their seats.

[jakejhnsn]

billofsweden‌:

that sounds like a lot and i wish you luck with the dinosaurs and jeff goldblum. i mean, i think for me it’d take a lot being near him. also dinosaurs.. death.. right.. i hope for the best and i guess i’ll start praying for you. i’ll definitely blame pratt if anything happens. i’ll get my friend to start the hashtag #blamepratt for you.

I don’t even know if I have many scenes with Jeff but if I do I’m going to never stop talking about it. That dude is a legend. Can’t wait to say something stupid to him and make an idiot out of myself. Thanks, man. I’ll need it. As long as the world knows that everything is Pratt’s fault then I’ll be okay.

[jakejhnsn]

annakendrickhq‌:

Pratt clearly has no taste. First he gets rid of you and then he tells me he’s not going to produce any of my films with his fancy new production company. I don’t know what we ever did to him, but this is just not an okay life. I’m glad you get to end the series though! That’s so cool! I’m a tad jealous, but it’s fine. I don’t need to be in a dinosaur movie to know I’m cool. Please don’t die. I’ll have nobody left to annoy if you die.

He stole Aubrey from us and now thinks he can shut us out. What a piece of work. Let’s plot together and take him down, Anna. If anyone can do it, it’s us. We just have to hide it from Aubrey or she’ll take us down. I’m glad, too. Everyone will remember how cool I am and love me again. You’re not cool. It’s time you accepted this and moved on. I’ll try not to die but I can’t make any promises. These dinosaurs are unpredictable.

[jakejhnsn]

I know that everyone has been asking for years since the first Jurassic World came out why I wasn’t in the second one and I’m here to tell you the truth. Pratt didn’t want me there. He knew I was the real star of the first one and asked them not to let me be in the second one. But, never fear because I’ll be in the third one and finally be giving the world what they’ve been asking for. No but for real, I’m exciting to be back in the dinosaur world and very happy they asked me to come back so I can be in the presence of Jeff Goldblum. Hopefully the dinosaurs are trained and don’t eat me because they are 100% real. I can confirm this. Wish me luck and if I die then blame Pratt, thanks. @hchqstarters​

[danielazanosf]

You know I always knew there was a reason why I should stay away from Pratt.  I am glad to hear you are back. Can never get enough of those dino movies. It would be cool to be eaten by a dino… not by a fake dino though. That is just dumb.

[jakejhnsn]

Pratt is the worst. We should all avoid him for the rest of our lives. I think this will be the best Dino movie of them all because we’re all in it. Even the original lot. What’s a fake Dino? I only know real ones.

[jakejhnsn]

shelhennig‌:

I’m not going to lie I’ve never seen a single Jurassic park movie so I feel like I’m missing out on every reference you just put out there. What’s your role in the movie? Since it’s clearly not Dino Food, or at least we’re hoping it’s not. 

....Shelley, come on. Go watch all five right now. Or just watch the one I’m in and forget about the others. My character Lowery worked in the Jurassic World theme park, helped save the day then evacuated when the island got overtaken by dinosaurs. He’s a hero.