Silent night, even jesus couldnt sleep through this
School plays what a joyous festive experience or at least they used to be now we get school shows.
I partook in a trip to watch my sons school show what an event i would highly reccomend it if you want to hear kids get drowned out by an ipod whilst aimlessly doing unco-coordinated actions and swaying at the wrong times or indeed into each other. Or if you like to watch kids scream at you to drown out tge ipod speaker playing the song they are singing along to.
We start well theres a "mixed" choir all girls and 3 boys who seemed like they only got to do backing vocals and were separated from the girls and stood at the side (way to promote equality in kids eh)
They wer doing well until the headteacher decided this was his big break and bellowed out some backing lines and a few 1 2 3 4's in his deep yorkshire accent.
Then the big show 2 hosts from p7 came on .....to introduce the acts, tgey didnt know there script kept losing place, the mic badly needed adjusting there low voices could not be heard past the front row and quite frankly i have heard better jokes out of a poundland xmas cracker.
We slowly work our way through the classes p3 4 5 and 6 couldnt be heard at all as the music was to loud instead we juat seen a bunch of kids trying there hardest to remember the actions and mouth some words and of course there was always the standard "stars if the show" who are quite possibly the worst and lack any natural talent or ability but seem to ooze with a confidence that makes them get picked front and centre....the kind of disillusioned folk that we all laugh at during the first stages of the xfactor whilst screaming...who told you that you had talent - that's right the school system did.
We then have a few more unheard jokes and banter from our graciously unprepared hosts before what i can only describe as the highlight of the evening primary 7s rendition of a partridge in a pear tree.
Each child had a sign representing a section of the song and wer made to bob up and down with there sign when there bit was sung. It was the most hilarious chaotic mess i have ever witnessed.
They wer all so out of breath by the end the booming voices of the start wer no more than a wheezy whisper.
Then the finale ...as it was last year and the year before and will be again next year.
We have the its so sad our p7s are leaving us this year speech but here they are with a finale hurrah.
Snow is falling every year.....but this year was special no one knew the words only the chorus which made for excellent murmuring and noise pollution.
Whilst the aimlessly try to sway and dance in a coherent fashion as one... but no one decided which way we would start swaying and after a mess of bumps and random actions they decide they want audience participation........boy was this the wrong crowd half wer in the process of leaving and the others awkwardly smiling so we can safely say they wer on there own.
But finally after 3 cliff richard songs 2 songs i have never heard nor want to hear again, a terrible rendition of band aid, silent night sung by a group of kids whos voices are about to break so just couldnt get they high notes and a finale shakin stevens himself would have sued over....it was time for the big round of applause and a swift exit through the front door.
As school shows go i miss the nativity in terms of performance, stage presence and setup and showmanship i would give this show a solid 2.5 out of 5 star rating.
Till next year kids ........stay in school
