There was no way Hastalik was going to drink with this conversation, he needed to know what he was saying and be able to have the clarity of understanding what Jamie was, especially when it felt like the pair of them were so off balance with each other. It had never been this way between them, even when Jamie had been mad at him in the past for lying it felt like they’d always known exactly what would keep them together, even if they needed to remain angry.
He did pour himself a glass of tea though as Jamie sat down, still at his feet, hearing Jamie’s question and figuring it was on him to start, to tell Jamie at the very least what had happened with the coven, why he’d been able to come back. There was a pause in his answer though, watching Jamie pour himself some whiskey and having to keep his mouth shut that maybe now wasn’t the time to be drinking.
“Kaan isn’t dead,” Jamie stated, it seemed like the most important information, because while it didn’t relate to any action either had done that was specifically hurtful to the other Hastalik didn’t want Jamie assuming things were settled. “My father is. I spent the first month assimilating back into things, there was some issues with my magic not working because I’d…well I’d stopped using their magic,” Has admitted, his hand coming up and touching the back of his neck as his father had thought there was only one way to remind Hastalik of who he was. “Eventually they gave up, let me use my own, we went on a few missions and I was able to take out a few members of the coven that were loyal to Kaan, make it seem like accidents,” Hastalik paused, he’d assisted in the deaths of others before but never…never killed on his own, and the first time had taken him longer than it should have. Maybe he’d have been back with Jamie earlier if he hadn’t hesitated as he had.
“Eventually I had enough people on my side, or maybe just more scared of me than them, I was able to get close to Kaan and my father alone. I took out my father quickly but Kaan stopped me, he’d apparently known I was coming and things got complicated…,” Hastalik told Jamie, eyes on the whiskey glass, half willing Jamie not to drink from it, not to show that any of what he was saying was changing how he saw him. “He reminded me of a prophecy from the old teachings, that if a high priest was to die at the hand of his heir immortality would flood the earth until all beings devoured one another with an unimaginable craving for blood…,” it sounded…crazy, and yet from the sternness of Hastalik’s face, the way he clenched his fist against the table, it was clear he was ashamed to have believed it. “So I used my fathers blood to encase him in a coffin of it, freezing him. I put him beneath the estate. I considered staying until I could work out a way to kill him without bringing about the prophecy, and I did for a few days, but a few coven members who were loyal to Kaan kept trying to get back into the estate, wanting to free him.
Has swallowed some saliva in his mouth, eyes lifting to Jamie. “I saw how close it was the Valentine’s Day and all I could think was how I wanted to be with you, how I missed you and resented myself for even leaving,” Hastalik’s lips tightened with his words. “Resented the things I’d done so they wouldn’t -,” Has could feel his eyes getting wet as he reminded himself of his father’s words, screaming in his ear that he was weak, that each time he cried it would be another beating. He’d become a little boy against that first mouth back with the coven and it felt like the knowledge he’d come back to Jamie was the only thing that made him sure his father was wrong. “Resented what I did to make things easier on myself there,” he stated, the vagueness of that ease enough that he could inhale sharply to stop his tears. “It was three vampires,” Has told him, Jamie quite aware of what he’d done in the past. “Two died, one I was able to get a message to while we were alone, she had to drain me pretty close to death so my father wouldn’t think I’d done it on purpose but…she escaped and it got me closer to my father and Uncle.”
Obviously he’d unloaded a lot of information on Jamie at once, had moved through it quickly so Jamie didn’t feel a need to fill silence with questions or remarks and maybe to save himself from being hurt if Jamie was upset with him for the choices he’d made, in the end he moved his hand slowly across the table, hopeful Jamie might be willing to take it. “I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger,” Has insisted, wetness still lingering in his eyes. “If I was stronger I could have been home sooner, thinking of you was the only thing that even made me capable of doing the things I did but even then I was…weak.”
Jamie waited until Hastalik was done with the tea, and then took the pitcher, topping the glass off, the ratio heavily in favor of the sweet, brewed beverage instead of the alcohol. There was a moment, with Hastalik's first words, where Jamie's gaze abandoned the work his hands were doing, a wayward splash of tea that almost overfilled his glass before he quickly set the pitcher down. He didn't know if it was a relief that Hastalik began first or not, especially when his explanation began the way it had, but there was no going back to change it.
Jamie stared across the table, taking in Hastalik's words. He visibly swallowed, holding back the instinctive urge to tell Hastalik he was sorry to learn of his father's passing, sure that it had been at Hastalik's hand. The words would have been empty, anyhow, borne of a societal norm, and not of any actual empathy for the man's passing. Jamie still remembered that first card he'd read for Hastalik, the sword aimed directly at a heart that had so much love to give inside that Jamie could drown himself in it. This time, Jamie could clearly say that the words were a relief. He was glad Efe was dead, and hoped he'd known it was his son that had done it.
His lips pressed to a thin line, again fighting the urge to interrupt, to tell Hastalik that he was proud he'd found his own magic, that it hadd severed him from the twisted work of his coven and was something altogether new and personal and perfect. He tried to imagine it, the man that Hastalik had become to make others fear him. He knew Hastalik had killed before, and was now being told he'd done it again, not because of the teachings that had been beaten into him, but of his own volition. He could see it, a little, a hazy, shadow-like version of the man who sat before him. But Hastalik had shown from the beginning that all he wanted to show Jamie was tenderness. Jamie could never see him as that violent, fearsome killer, not as he sat in the kitchen, Tali at his feet, emotion making his eyes shine as he talked of the things he'd done.
Shock showed clearly on his face, blue eyes widening at Hastalik numbered the vampires he'd been made to seduce so that he might kill them. He took in a deep breath, hands dropping from the table, curled to fists against his thighs. He felt sick that he'd ever been jealous of those Hastalik had slept with before they'd been together, that even now some of that flared up within him, when it was so obvious that Hastalik was distraught, that he hadn't chosen his own actions. Jamie had. He'd been weak and melancholy and wanted to indulge in that, to use those emotions as an excuse to be selfish and disloyal.
"No," He managed finally, soft and low. He saw the reach of Hastalik's hand across the table, but didn't reach for it. He stood instead, rounding the table in a pair of steps, bringing himself close to Hastalik, and when he reached out, it was to grab that arm that Hastalik had stretched out to draw around himself instead. His hands then reached for the man's face, fingertips tracing his strong features. "You were strong. You regretting what you had to do... Those moments of hesitation, of pain you felt at the things you had to do... It proves that you're different, Hastalik. I love you for that, for this." One hand dropped down, pressed flat to the center of Hastalik's chest to feel the beat of the man's heart.
