Once they cross the portal, Dean and Castiel barely exchange a word unless it is completely necessary.
They also keep avoiding each other’s eyes, but Dean keeps stealing some quick glances to the angel, and he can see from the corner of his eye that Castiel is doing the same to him.
They walk next to each other, but there’s some space in between their bodies that feels strange and painful to Dean. It’s not like they walked pressed to each other before, but they were always close. Sometimes their hands accidentally brushed when they walked, or their shoulders would bump. Now the distance is big, and Dean hates it.
His eyes keep coming back to Cas, but they quickly move away when he feels that their eyes are going to meet. Dean doesn’t know if he avoids eye contact for fear or for shame. Maybe it’s both.
It doesn’t take them long to run into some monsters.
They manage to finish some of them without too much effort. But when they run into four werewolves, things get complicated.
In the end they manage to kill them all, but Castiel ends up with a few bruises and some minor scratches, while Dean ends up with some serious cuts on his face; nothing too deep, but they are a bit nasty.
“Let me heal you,” Castiel says, not looking at Dean’s eyes.
Castiel moves his hand until it is placed in front of Dean’s face, leaving an important space in between their skins.
Dean grabs his wrist and pulls Castiel’s hand away from his face. The touch startles Castiel.
“Don’t waste your grace on me, Cas,” Dean mumbles. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Castiel protests with a defeated tone.
He slides his hand down Castiel’s wrist, until his fingers brush Castiel’s palm. His thumb rests on Castiel’s fingers, and he starts caressing them. Castiel lets out a shaky sigh at the touch, but he doesn’t pull away, and Dean is glad for this tiny victory.
They used to steal touches at every chance they got. Their hands always lingered when they got close. It was like an unspoken thing that they both were aware of but never decided to address because it was too complicated. They were too scared of what would come out if they ever decided to confess their feelings.
Rowena’s words keep ringing in Dean’s head, telling them to fix it before it’s too late. Dean is afraid that it might already be too late, but he needs to try.
There are monsters hiding in the woods, waiting to kill them. They still have a task to complete before the portal closes. But Dean doesn’t care. If he is going to try to fix it, he is going to do it now, because purgatory always was a key moment for he and Cas in the past. Maybe it can be a key moment again.
Purgatory was the place where Dean finally stopped denying that he was in love with Cas. It was the place where Dean prayed every night. It was the place where they fought side by side and slept next to each other in the cold nights.
It was also the place where they forgot all the bad things that happened in between them after Cas’ betrayal.
“I’m sorry,” Dean says, looking at Castiel’s face. At those words, Castiel finally meets Dean’s eyes, and Dean can’t help feeling a bit relieved at seeing those eyes again. He missed letting himself get lost in that ocean. “I’m sorry for everything that I said after mom died.”
“Dean,” Castiel mumbles, almost like a prayer.
“And I’m sorry for hurting you,” Dean adds with a trembling voice. He keeps holding Castiel’s hand in his, not wanting to let go. “I wasn’t in a good place and I took it on you and I’m so fucking sorry. I was a fucking jerk to you, and I’m so damn sorry, Cas.”
Castiel lets out a shaky breath but he doesn’t say anything. He keeps looking at Dean.
“Look, I—I get it if you don’t wanna forgive me, but I just want you to know that I’m really sorry,” Dean says, looking at those beautiful eyes he loves. “I want to fix this. I want us to be okay. And I— I want you back.”
“Dean,” Castiel says with glassy eyes.
Something in the woods rattles and they both look into that direction.
“We should keep going,” Castiel says, pulling his hand away from Dean. He turns around, but Dean grabs the sleeve of his trench coat, stopping him and turning him around again so they can look at each other’s eyes.
“Cas, please,” Dean begins to say, desperate. They don’t have time for this, he knows it, but he won’t give up on them now.
“Dean, we don’t have time now,” Castiel insists, looking at him impatiently. His hand comes to rest on Dean’s cheek and Dean lets out a silent sigh at the touch. “We’ll talk when we are back in the bunker.”
Dean looks at him with wide eyes. Castiel gives him a weak smile at the promise, and Dean feels relieved at that.
Before Dean can say anything, he feels Castiel’s grace in him, healing him. The angel keeps his palm and his fingers pressed on Dean’s face the whole time. It takes him longer than usual, and it leaves him clearly exhausted.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Dean says, worried.
“You were hurt,” Castiel simply says.
Castiel pulls his hand away and Dean immediately misses his touch. Once again they hear something rattling, and Castiel is about to move, but Dean catches his wrist, stopping him once again.
“Promise me that when we have to leave this awful place, you will come with me, that you won’t stay back,” Dean says, remembering how last time Cas chose to stay in purgatory. “Promise me, Cas.”
Castiel twists his wrist to break free from Dean’s grip and he slides his hand until he can give Dean’s hand a comforting squeeze.
“I promise,” Castiel says, looking at Dean’s eyes. “Now let’s keep moving.”
They keep walking, next to each other, as close as they used to. When their eyes meet, neither of them looks away.
They still need to talk, but Dean has faith that they will work it out. He has never been a faithful man, but Cas changed that a long time ago.
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