hot summer, ugly winter

direct from my Notes and other various places

[jannygirl]

This is what it feels like being an #LGBTQ+ introvert.

#mindyourfuckingbusiness

[jannygirl]

Would you still love tumblr if it was a worm? #newlogo #newappicon 🐛

[jannygirl]

https://youtu.be/cuZo7pLnL7c

[jannygirl]

Not a coincidence that there was a MFing 12 between them during this conversation...

#Bridgerton #12 #Ihate12 #Ihateliars #lies #Simon #theduke #Daphne

[jannygirl]

#introverts #caring #sharing

[jannygirl]

@laughingsquid ❄️❄️❄️

[jannygirl]

Jan’s Updated Levels of Depression: Highest to Lowest

10 - moderately active and tidying up to at least appear functional

9 - walk to try to get sun and not “get sad”

8 - stay up until 3 watching comedy

7 - try to make people understand that Covid is serious on facebook and other futile arguments like the importance of vaccinating

6 - stop replying to important messages but still talk to fellow SimCity mayors

5 - start to avoid using capital letters and correcting texts, dance to old songs that used to make me feel alive in the kitchen

4 - wake because reality is crushing, pick up phone to argue that the real threat to american democracy is fascism, not socialism

3 - stay up until 5 watching true crime doc, taking time out to glance at piles during the non-murder boring parts

2 - waiting up for an ex who used to reply to reply and they never do because they’ve secretly and finally moved on, eat old pepperoni

1 - cancel appointments and experience actual mental and physical paralysis, call friend who knows you best to sob

0 - stay awake all night, put engagement ring on, throw phone

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

*despite all this, manage get up every morning with a smile, pull it together enough for 12 hours every day to be a good parent and fool your child into thinking they have a happy life*

[jannygirl]

It’s hard to try to find happiness and not overdo it. My body wants to be dead because my heart is breaking every day. My brain fights my soul, my lungs—and sickness finally strangles my will.

Please believe me when I say we were lucky.

I want to live again. I’m trying so hard to make it through.

[jannygirl]

I’ll always be waiting to find the love others find, I think. 💔

[jannygirl]

Now that's what I like to hear...

You have always been and will always be one of the most incredible women I have ever known and whether or not you accept my apology, I will be relieved knowing that you are aware of my regret.

[jannygirl]

🍎&🍊

I found my other half

He found his

[jannygirl]

Underface

Underneath my outside face There’s a face that none can see. A little less smiley, A little less sure, But a whole lot more like me.

[jannygirl]

2 a.m.

When your love for someone is at your core, you can’t scoop it out… and it attacks you at random times like a necessary thing—the need to see them.

They show up and it’s like time never passed. But it did, and reality surrounds the both of you. Your only hope is that someday your reality will be different…like sunshine that evaporates the fog.

[jannygirl]

[jannygirl]

Message to Everyone Who Believes the Past Doesn't Affect the Future

If I see "It's in the past" one more time, I'm throwing my phone off the Peace Bridge.

[jannygirl]

I remember when you smiled

The real one. I haven't seen it since.

[jannygirl]

Ugh. I'm truly sorry. You don't need someone like that in what is about to be the best part of your life. If your feeling pain, all that goes away. You will be filled and surrounded by love like you have never known it. Everyday becomes a miracle that your living in. If someone wants to join that miracle it 100% your call, and on your terms. You do not need a man. Jan you are more than capable and qualified to give that child everything he/she will ever need. It takes a village to raise a child. Not just two people. Life becomes crystal clear. Show no fear when looking at that reflection and you'll be perfect!

- Cameron

[jannygirl]

Message to You, sent to Me.