#social isolation

[furiousgoldfish]

Dealing with my fear of rejection by never asking for anything, and my fear of being a burden by never doing anything that involves other people. Foolproof.

[edenfenixblogs]

I was having a rough night so I went to my favorite funny website IsMercuryInRetrograde.com

I’m not a huge believer in astrology, but the website only has two pages:

If it’s in retrograde it says yes, which feels weirdly validating.

If it’s not in retrograde it just says “No, something else must be bumming you out,” which always gives me a little chuckle.

Fun silly website. Yay.

Except this time

YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT.

The fact that unless I lock myself in a room with only pre-written or pre-recorded material that I’ve already read or watched and know is safe I CANNOT GO TWELVE FUCKING HOURS WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT THIS FUCKING WAR.

It’s killing me. There are no breaks. I open any website or social media app and it’s an immediate bombardment of info about the war. I go watch a YouTube video and then there’s a fundraiser at the end.

I flip through channels and see news about an antisemitic attack or a bombing in Gaza or Rafah.

I leave notifications on and get a text from a friend who sees a “rape is resistance” sticker on her walk home from school.

I go to look for pride merch and see watermelon merch mixed in as if war is some kind of gay accessory. I look through a fandom tag and see cartoon characters in a kids cartoon drawn with Palestinian flags.

It’s fucking endless. It’s insane. I just wanted a few days without having to think about all of it so I could recharge and I haven’t even been able to go a continuous 12 hour stretch without something or someone shoving the whole thing in my face.

It’s not healthy to live like this. I already have PTSD. And I’m trying with all my might not to retreat fully within myself but this is fucking killing me.

And I am someone who is pro peace and pro ceasefire and pro Palestinian welfare and anti-Likud but also anti-antisemitism. I do nothing but promote interfaith and intercultural organizations devoted to fostering peace. I want this war over.

And yet I’m fucking stuck in this perpetual hellhole of awful news and constant imagery about war and death and antisemitism and Palestinian suffering. And it’s too much. Why can’t I even go 12 hours. It’s killing me.

The fucking mercury in retrograde website‽ YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT AND ITS YOU.

[templeblade]

I hate being alone I am genuinely terrified at the thought of being alone [withdraws from everyone and everything to the point where I become a ghost haunting my own life]

[mouselikething]

God social trauma is so fucking stupid. yeah my greatest dream that i see as completely unreachable is to have someone to play games and watch movies with. whatever

[zzzadie]

i want to reach out and apologize for everything but i dont want to embarrass myself anymore than i already have

[missanthropicprinciple]

One of the greatest indignities of abuse, especially if you experienced social isolation, is that you will sacrifice your own self worth in order to keep a friend. The idea of losing someone in your life is terrifying and if advocating for yourself or disagreeing with someone could cost you a friend, you will allow people to use you as a doormat because even the thought of being alone again is beyond painful.

[only-knives]

you are not obligated to be happy with your life. you are not obligated to be happy and content all the time. you do not have to be a perfectly mature adult. you do not have to have a "respectable job" in order to be worth caring about.

you're allowed to be angry at bad situations. you're allowed to be sad in difficult situations. you don't have to be more positive for the sake of it. your voice doesn't matter less because you're angry or sad or lonely or embarrassed.

it matters just as much, if not more in some situations. a lot of us are under the thumb of oppression in one way or another. a lot of us are carrying wounds that no one has helped us mend yet. the pain of all that needs to be given space to exist.

we don't deserve to suffer silently. we don't deserve to force ourselves to look happy when we're not. we don't deserve to be blamed for the consequences of oppressive & abusive behavior.

we have a right to be upset, to be angry, to be imperfect, to get a little unhinged... anyone would. people do all the time. and if that many people are struggling, what does that say about our society?

-🩷-

personal growth is great. taking care of your mental health is great. learning and using coping skills is great. talking to a safe, knowledgeable person about your mental health is great. but. it's not the end all be all. it just isn't.

all this can be true and you can have happiness still. happiness is an emotion. there are still things in life that can bring us joy. the point is, it's okay if you get dysregulated about your life situation - past, present, or potential future.

it's normal. you're a living creature, not a machine. you don't have to will or force yourself to be okay when you're not, or say things are okay when they're not.

[ahedderick]

Bear Witness

I have two legal-ish papers that I need to sign with witnesses, and I'm having a dickens of a time figuring out who I can ask to do this simple task. Can't be family members, and. wow. I do not have many. Hmm. wow. I love the hay-making neighbors and the up-the-hill neighbors, but this stuff is just a teensy bit financially-private. (nothing terrible, by the way, just updating some paperwork to reflect the fact that my kids are adults instead of minors)