just kiss me slowly

Lets see, the things you need to know about me off hand... My name is Jared. I'm nineteen and a recent graduate from Hogwarts.. I help out in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. God Father to Noah Joel Scamander. Best friend to Roxanne Weasley. Son to Ryos and Leeane. Older brother to a little brat named Nadia and apparently this kid name Bradley. Oh and happily taken by Ian Draven Lewis.

[hilariesharpe]

Jared || Guess who

[hilariesharpe]

She was looking up and down the street, rocking on her heels before she decided to go right starting to walk away. She had a skip in her step as she took another sip of her milkshake. Hilarie stopped when she heard his voice and turned to look back at him. Hilarie turned to face him now. “My parents were always the match to each other’s puzzle piece. Granted, my mum does get angry at him sometimes but he never fails to show her how much he loves and cares about her and she never fails to see when he needs her. They never stop fighting for one another. My mother knows all my father’s demons and I guess their demons play well together because sometimes it’s like they just melt into one another.” 

Hilarie scrunched her nose, “Sometimes it’s like taking a drink of something far too sweet because for me and Davet it can get pretty gross but you can tell they love each other with every fiber in their being.” She took another drink of her shake and then leaned back against the wall of the building. “I can’t tell you how to fix yourself.” She looked down at her right arm that was marked by scar tissue and looked up at him, “That’s what he told me. My papa cried the first time I confessed to him that I wanted to die. He cried because he saw himself in me and in my eyes. He held my hand through it and pushed me through. I don’t know how he got to be the man he is today but I know he fought hard to be there with a helping hand from my mother.” 

"So I guess the answer to your question is with love. With patience. Understand yourself. Know you are beautiful with all your broken pieces and learn that you are human and you aren’t required to be strong all the time. Lean on your friends and family instead of pushing them away because you think they’re better off without being bothered. Love yourself because like I said, sometimes that’s all you have and that’s also okay. There’s always going to be bad days but you need rain to see the rainbow."

"Remember you are the soul of a star that gave it’s life for you. Remember that there’s a universe inside of you and that you are someone’s sun. Remember that even though people don’t love you the way you want them to they love you with everything they’ve got a lot of the time. Live for yourself, live for your family, live for those you’ve still have yet to meet and for those who have fought before for you to be here, to be who you are today. Listen to the light inside of your heart that keeps telling you to keep fighting that you’re almost to your end point. Let it heal. Let your heart heal and cry if you need to. You are more than every bad thing you’ve ever done. Don’t apologize for the way you went through hell and came back breathing. Breathe, Jared. Just keep breathing." 

[jaredsharpe]

Love myself. It always came down to that. He had to love himself. It was hard to even begin to do that. Sure the former Slytherin did love himself at times but it wasn't constant. The feelings would come and go. He had a love hate relationship with himself and part of that was because of his father. Ryos wasn't the best of fathers, yes, but it wasn't entirely his fault. Nadia wasn't even his daughter and maybe it was wrong but he didn't blame his father anymore than his mother. They both were at fault with it all. He loves them both, his mother very dearly, but if it weren't for the way she was, and gods know how she is, his father probably wouldn't have questioned his existence. Jared didn't know if his mother has cheated on his father before but when you're unfaithful to someone it's hard to believe them even if the kid looked exactly like them. Nadia looked like them and yet she wasn't Ryos', not by blood at least.

He licked his lips, looking down and avoiding eye contact with the girl. Her red hair made him want to cry even more. He felt pathetic and weak and gods did he hate that feeling. It wasn't until he felt a slight pain that he realized he wasn't breathing. He slowly let the air from his lungs out. They were ragged which wasn't a surprise to him. He didn't blame the way his other self reacted. He did the same thing with Noah and Omar. He just couldn't believe it. It's hard to believe people that you love do the same bad things you do, feel the same way you do, until you see it for yourself. He still remembered, clear as day, the time he walked in on Omar in the act. The pain he felt for his son. He remembered helping him clean up the mess and cover them with bandages. The way he cupped his little boy's face in his hands and told him to be strong, that he didn't need to do things like that, that he wasn't alone anymore and that his dad was there for him and he loved him so much. He remembered crying and pulling him into his chest and holding him there for what seemed hours and Omar just crying. Jared knew it was mainly because he felt he disappointed him and he knew that Omar was scared. With Noah it wasn't any different either. Noah was basically like a son to him. 

"I'm trying," he muttered. He didn't know what else to say. He was trying his damn hardest to be strong and hold on. It was terrifying knowing that any moment the poison could be attacking him again and he could be some place no one could find him and he'd be gone. Sure there were times he wanted to do that, to hide away and let it take it's course but he knew better. He knew Brenna needed him, and Omar, and Westley and all his little boys and baby girl and gods he knew that Ian would bring him back just to strangle him and then kiss him repeatedly telling him how stupid he is and selfish. Some days were just harder than others at this point. He was trying and that's all he could really do. At points he wondered if Ian even remembered about the poison or if anyone remembered at that. It's been so long since the incident and Chase and his crew have still yet to come up with some sort of cure or idea on how to get rid of it. There were days it made him look so sick that Ian refused to let him go to work or even move from bed. There were days that Chase had to make house calls because he couldn't move from the toilet because of vomiting.

Jared looked up, this time meeting the girl's gaze. She had his eyes and smile but her nose and her hair was Lily. It was all Lily. She was beautiful, so very beautiful that it pained him. This, this girl is a product of his and Lily's love in some other universe and at some point she could of been a product of their love here. He bit his lip, taking in the little scars she had on her cheeks or forehead. The little scars she probably got horsing around with her brother or him. He tried to picture her when she was younger, carrying her to the car seat or a stroller or even up stairs to her room while she was passed out on the couch with him. He tried to picture the life he could of have but it only came in snippets that hurt.

[agentstarkrodgers]

[loganlermanrussia]

[when-i-see]

[auto-matt-ic]

[auto-matt-ic]

[hilariesharpe]

Jared || Guess who

[hilariesharpe]

"Kid? I suppose here that is all I am to you. A random kid." She took her shake and then took his money with her other hand. She then walked around and set it in the pocket of his suit jacket. The female looked up at him, "If you’re miserable, no one can change that but you. Life is shit, dad. I learned that a long time ago. It will knock you hard on your ass and leave with no apologies. I know. Trust me, I know. Though, I also know what it’s like to keep your mouth shut because you’re supposed to be brave.

“Be brave, like mama, put the blade down, grandma Leeane would say. I’m not my mama though. You see, my mama has this fire that burns in her eyes and every time you look at it, you know, she is a damn storm on heels. I’m not.  I’m petrified every day. Doors slam in my face because I speak my mind and know not when to shut up. Though one thing you always taught me was.. I am not a tragedy. I am stitched together with mistakes and good intentions. I stumble over more than I probably should. I have scars to prove it and that just means, I’m a damn surviver, I’m a warrior like my dad. I am not afraid to show my scars. I am not perfect but I am not a failure either. I fought a war to get to be the woman I am and the war is still going but I’m not gonna let them win.” The whole time, she never once broke eye contact, her voice was evened out. 

"You may not care. You may not believe me and I could pull out my wallet and show you the picture I have of us when you first took us to the train but I won’t. This isn’t my world. This world is different. Though by now, it should be obvious I don’t know when to shut up and you have every right to walk away whenever you please. Stop killing yourself. Stop it. You do it very subtly. Very slow. So no one really notices but those of us that carry similar demons can see it. We know. Stop. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to feel. Fuck what everyone else says. Stop killing yourself and putting on this mask all the time because you’re allowed to cry and stay in bed late. It’s okay. You’re allowed to fall. You are but don’t stay down there to the point that you can’t even see the sun anymore. It feels good to wake up one morning to the sun kissing your skin once in a while. Remember your body never quits on you even with all the shitty treatment you may give it. It keeps trying but you gotta help it. Inhaling that shit is just dancing with the devil, drinking isn’t going to kill your demons." 

"And appreciate the people who don’t give up on you no matter how many times you fuck up. Those are the people who love you the most. The people who are never going to give up on you even when you have given up on yourself. And smile, dad. Smile. You’re never fully dressed without one. One last thing, running can sometimes be exhausting." She looked down and then walked around him, "My dad taught me those things. He’s a pretty smart guy." She then opened the door and stepped out, looking around as she took a sip. 

[jaredsharpe]

He was petrified, a deer in head lights. Every time she said dad he felt his chest get heavier and heavier and his throat tighten up. He was happy, no doubt about that. He was happy but he just had his days where every single thing upset him. A simple color, a simple word, a view that may have seemed plain to others had more meaning to him and he just couldn't deal with it the same way he used to. Granted there are a few times he'll burn himself and that's mainly because he viewed it less of a hassle to him. He didn't have to clean a mess afterwards and sometimes it had gotten that bad.

Jared's hands shook to the point there was no hiding it and his eyes were glossed over with tears. The moment she walked out was the moment his eyes shut and he took a deep breath. A little girl, that's all it took. A little girl to call him out on his bullshit lies and toxic ways.

The former Slytherin turned, opened his eyes, and marched out the door, "how did your father do it? How was he able to manage a relationship with your mother? How was he cable of stopping those things? How?" He was genuinely curious. He wasn't her father, or well not this version of him. Lily and he have an awkward friendship now. They can't even look at each other without being hurt over something. "How do I fix me..?"

[hilariesharpe]

Jared || Guess who

[hilariesharpe]

That hadn’t changed. Her father at home had taught her little tricks on how to observe a person. Side glances that weren’t noticeable. She saw the way his body shook like an earthquake ready to happen. She watched him leave but paid the shakes. Hilarie then took them and sat over by a table in the corner.

Setting his drink in front of her, she took her straw and took a sip. Strawberries were her favorite. When she was younger she would get up in the middle of the night just to get a bowl. She wondered how Davet was doing with their mother. The young girl pulled out a pen and pulled out a napkin. She often had the habit of doodling while waiting any chance she got. She started to draw the sun, shading in the outside flames and in between started drawing out the planets. Smaller versions of them in a vertical direction. Then she drew a crescent moon on the other side. The sun and the moon were bigger than the planets. 

Hilarie started to draw little stars around. Shading in and perfecting it. When she heard the bells from the door ring, she looked up and saw his reflection in the window. Hilarie waited for him to take a seat and then couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. “You think a 16 year old is here to give you a case?” She glanced up at him and set her pen down. “I mean, I do have the money but if I wanted a hit man I could just ask my grandfather.” She took another sip of her shake. 

"I could help you with cases. I’m good at solving things. Like for example.. you got a bit of ash on your pants leg with contrasts too much with your black suit. You’re tense. Which means you probably don’t want me to know you just went out for a smoke. I know though because you make it too obvious with your body language. Back home, you know how to disguise it better because you still smoke when you’re stressed. Mum rarely catches you because you wash your hands before anything else and your face. It helps disguise the smell better. Sometimes you don’t even try to hide it and she just gives you this look but she never scolds you too bad for it, especially if it’s just a relaxing day out at the pool while she makes us burgers." 

She sat back and smiled, “By now, I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m not from this world. Davet and I.. my twin, came by because we figured out the rip in between worlds. He’s with our mum, Lily. I wanted to meet you. Not that I don’t love mum but.. I am closer to you. Hilarie Star Sharpe. I had hoped you were happy here too but you seem to be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You seem tired like you haven’t slept. And I wish I could help you because I cheer you up whenever we’re at home but.. you’re a different you.”

[jaredsharpe]

Jared froze at the girl's analysis of him. He swallowed, leaning back from his shake and into the chair as if seeking if for some sort of support. His heart was beating fast now the more she continued. He was feeling nauseous. 

Then she said her name. Lily's name. His body went cold and he was sure the color from his skin left him. It was like he had seen a ghost. Jared closed his eyes and shook his head. He got up from his chair to wobbly legs. "I-I've heard enough. I don't need some kid coming here and analyzing me like some zoo animal and I definitely don't need to be told how upset or tired I look. I know. I know and I don't need to be reminded. I-I don't need this right now. I'm going home."

The former Slytherin pulled his wallet out and set the money his shake would have costed in front of her and headed for the door. It was difficult not to cry around all those people and it was difficult not to scream or make a bigger scene than he had. Maybe it was wrong of him but he couldn't handle that. Being stressed out over cases and his students and not mention his kids and his husband, he was miserable at that. Not because his love life sucked but because he didn't picture himself being where he is now. He pictured something more and granted it was always with someone else he just wasn't happy with his life as it was. He wanted something different. Better for him and his family. He knew he could have better.

[hilariesharpe]

Jared || Guess who

[hilariesharpe]

The truth was that although her personality wasn’t much like them, her body language was. She had her mother’s knobby knees and the habit of rocking back and forth on her heels. She had her fire red hair and the way she would pick at her palms when she became nervous and maybe she can’t see how her heart beats like war drums when she gets going, it’s hard to stop her. And maybe she’s a little impulsive with instinct and action. 

When she smiles you can see him and the way she sometimes curves her lip up into a smirk when she knows she’s right. The way she looks down when she feels peopel are looking too deep into her soul. If you paid attention you would notice how she’s lost but she pretends not to be because everything is easier to hide with a smile. Little traits of them she’s picked up but you could only tell if you sat with her long enough. 

Hilarie noticed the way his voice was soft but still raised a certain octave to let her know that he was a bit suspicious and by the way he was standing she knew he was secretly observing her. Hilarie could see the gloss over his eyes that he tried to blink away and the slight glance to the left when a memory struck him. He radiated confidence but echoed sadness. Unlike her father back home. Stupid jokes that had her laughing for hours after. Puns that made her laugh so bad she’d snort. That toothy grin that followed afterwards and the way her mother glance at him that would make him look down almost like a scolded child but the smile never left. No, her father’s smile lingered often. He would hum sometimes when he thought no one could hear him. Yet her father here looked like he was breathing through clouded lungs. 

Without wasting another moment, she turned on her heels and opened the door, walking in and letting him walk after her. She ordered herself a strawberry shake because that was always her favorite. She then glanced at him, “What would you like? It’s on me and I won’t stand for no, so don’t even try it.”

[jaredsharpe]

He blinked at the girl's comment. "Strawberry cheesecake.." It was his usual, though he only ever came here when he was feeling pretty down on himself and wanted to treat himself to something sweet that'd possibly give him a tooth ache. He's been here before when he was younger, Danny brought him once and another time with Lily. Ever since he's only ever came alone or with Omar. The two connected over shakes or sometimes just sat there in their own self pity but it helped the two, at least he hoped it helped his son.

Lily, this girl kept bringing back memories he's wanted to forget. Jared drummed his fingers against his leg trying to hide the fact that it was shaking. He pressed his lips together and sighed, "excuse me a moment." He turned and went right back out the door they came in and moving out of view from the windows and door. He leaned against the wall to the shop and pulled a cigarette out from his pocket with a lighter.

Jared wasn't a big smoker, in fact he didn't smoke often. Ian didn't like it and he was working on quitting which is why he didn't smoke much to begin with. A pack lasted him a month now, if not longer. He lit the cigarette after placing it between his lips. Jared took a drag and slowly released the smoke. He pictured the smoke to be his worries, the things that made his hands shake and made it hard to breathe.

He took a few more hits from the cigarette before putting it out on the bottom of his shoe and placing it back into the pack in his pocket. He's gotten better at not putting it out on himself after Omar caught him once. Promises were hard to keep but he tried his best. He took a deep breath and pushed off the wall going back in and looking for that red headed little girl. He felt like he was back at Hogwarts and looking for Lily. He found her sitting down with two shakes by a window. Jared walked over to her, sitting across from her where his shake sat. 

"So.. you know who I am but I don't know who you are. You have a job for me or something or information that is important for a case of mine?" He rose a brow in questioning. Jared sipped at his shake waiting for a response. He was hoping she couldn't smell the cigarette he just had on him and hope his cologne was capable of masking it as well as he thought it did. He wasn't really aware of it since he was used to the smell anyway. Ian knew though, boy did he know when he had a cigarette. 

[hilariesharpe]

Jared || Guess who

Davet had gone off to find their mother but Hilarie was dying to meet her father. The Ravenclaw had narrowed it down to all the spots that people would tell her to go until she saw him come out of the police station. Her father, a cop? For some reason the thought seemed odd to her. The girl then waited until he walked past her. “Jared?” She called out and the moment he turned she knew it was her father. 

There was something different and she couldn’t quite place her finger on it. Like a vague cloud that hovered over him. She had his eyes but her mother’s bright red hair. Hilarie wasn’t like either of them. She hadn’t gotten her father’s wits like Davet had nor her mother’s attitude. She was soft. She used her ‘innocence’ in her favor. Her brain was her strongest weapon. She could figure out riddles easily and figure someone out just by being around them long enough. 

"I don’t mean to scare you but I’ve been wanting to meet you ever since I got here." She walked out and looked up at him. Her father was her biggest support. She had to remind herself this man was different and she knew she had to prepare for whatever was to come. "I’m Hilarie. Would you mind getting a milkshake with me real quick and I can explain why and how I know you? I hear this place.." She looked up and then back at him, "Makes them the best." 

[jaredsharpe]

Liam had called him in to ask for some help on paper work. Cases were a pain some time but he wanted more money to care for his husband and the kids. He liked to have money left over to spend recklessly on the kids and to spoil them. They were everything to him if he was being honest about it.

When Jared left the station a girl had called out to him. It was odd, every time he saw red hair he always went to his favorite red head from childhood and it shook him down to his core. Though the girl's eyes reminded him of his mother's, so bright it was like you were staring straight into the cloudless sky.

The male blinked as she continued, eyes widening slightly. He didn't argue though, since he was technically a cop now he sort of was used to sitting down with strangers and letting them talk before he jumped to any conclusion. Though he watched her body language, the way she moved her hands slightly as she spoke and how she swayed on her feet just like Lily did, no does. It made his heart ache slightly. Jared knew he wasn't able to be as close to Lily as he used to be. For her there would be issues and for him there would be as well. Her voice still echoes in the back of his mind and in his nightmares. Just another slytherin boy. It wasn't the meanest thing she's ever said to him but it was definitely one of the ones that struck hard enough to leave a mark on him.

Jared gave her a soft smile and nodded without questioning it, "of course." His voice was soft, almost like at any moment it could break. He has been on edge lately and even though he may not have been showing it like he usually does people have noticed. It's a vague cry for someone to sit and listen but when they do he just seems to freeze up. What right does he have anyway? In all honesty here, he missed Lily so much that it was making it unbearable to continue moving forward when he so desperately wanted to go back in time and fix everything wrong that's ever happened between them.

[mattbomeritalia-deactivated2018]

[cucumbermachine]

[theperfectionthatismattbomer]

[parttimeafrican]

[tiff-rps-deactivated20140806]

[jaredsharpe]

Lily || We can't keep doing this

[lilyxlunapotter-blog]

Her crying had grown into soft sobs. Her shoulders shaking still, her fingers gripped tightly onto his shirt, afraid that if she let go he wouldn’t be there anymore. That this was all some sort of weird dream and she’d wake up alone. When he lifted her, her arms came fully around his neck now being able to hold onto him tighter than before. 

She nodded, her fingers coming up to cup the back of his neck, she shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder. It didn’t change the fact she was transferring. It wasn’t just because of him but how could she tell him that without telling him the truth? How could she explain that she couldn’t be alone in the same room as his father without remembering that disgusting night? She couldn’t. 

After a moment, Lily finally pulled back from the embrace to look up at him, her eyes were red from the tears that had shed, she brought her hand up and used her sleeve to gently wipe away his tears like the many times she had done before that when they were younger. She then used her thumbs to get any that were left over, that soft small reassuring smile surfaced to her face. 

"I don’t want to lose you either… the thought is enough to make me sick to my stomach. Please? I’m sorry too. I’m so sorry." She sniffled and brought up her arm to wipe her own eyes, she looked down and tried to breathe again. 

[jaredsharpe]

When she looked back down he didn't hesitate on cupping her cheeks in his hands. He felt like that little boy he was when he and her fought because he was jealous of her and Danny. He leaned down and kissed her forehead again, letting his lips linger just a moment.

The two were always gentle with each other unless it came to words. Though the gentleness was far more powerful and left a bigger impact on them then the two would like to admit.

"I'm a jerk and apparently it runs in my family because my sister is a jerk too." he smiled at her sadly, wiping the stray tears away. "I know that an apology wont fix much but it's a start, right? Can we meet up sometime? C-can you not transfer schools? I don't.. I don't want to go every day without seeing you and Cameron would need some help from us to keep the students in control when he becomes headmaster.."

There it was. The one thing he was more worried about. Now that he thought about it, it'd be far more difficult to see each other if she does transfer and there wouldn't have been a point on even attempting at fixing things or being friends. He glanced away from her, licking his lips. "A transfer is a bit.. much, don't you think? I mean.. your kids have friends here. They've got family here and so do you. You'd have to transfer with them too. Move, meaning moving Devon's business as well. It's all a hassle, Lils.."

[jaredsharpe]

Lily || We can't keep doing this

[lilyxlunapotter-blog]

She shook her head slowly, “No test, Jared…” She smiled sadly with a shrug as she cocked her head to the side, “I’m just tired of disappointing you time after time again.” She walked up closer towards him, not even hesitating for a moment to do so, “I wanted nothing more than to have my best friend back again. For the longest time, I wanted no one else but you. When I was younger, I would sit by our spot and wait, day after day but you never showed and eventually I gave up. There were many times through out my life that I can honestly say you pop into it and I lose my breath. Maybe because deep down, there’s a part of me that.. still loves you.” She took in a sharp inhale of air. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to say things that will upset or hurt you. Words hurt, Jared. Yeah, but just remember actions do too and I guess it hurt that you said we were nothing and not that long ago… well, it doesn’t feel like that long ago. We kissed.”

"I could’ve sworn I felt something from your end but I guess not. I guess in the end, the love, that type of love anyways, was all just mine and mine alone. And I think there’s nothing that quite hurts the same as when someone you loved wholeheartedly and thought you had something with, didn’t love you back in the end. You feel almost lied to. So I guess, saying I took my balloon back would be stupid to just blame on blind anger and the heat of the moment. Maybe I did want it back. I wanted it back because in some way, it represented my love to you. And I feel like maybe you only acted that way back then because I was like some sort of test subject that you wanted to crack like a puzzle but that’s just my insecurities talking to me because you wouldn’t do that… "

"This is unhealthy. I hurt you, you hurt me, we apologize, it runs well and then repeats. I don’t want to stop talking, Jared. I would give anything to be able to have you back in my life and have us just be friends but I always manage to disappoint you or upset you one way or another. I always think things are going somewhere and they’re not and I don’t know anymore, Jared. I don’t know how to not hurt you." She looked down and blinked away the tears that now stained her cheeks, she sniffled.

"I’ve always wanted my best friend back… and a part of me envies Roxanne because nothing was ever this complicated between the two of you because in reality, she’s your best friend. She’s always been your best friend and even if you go weeks or months without talking, you’re always there for each other and I guess I wanted that too. It’s selfish thought but I’ve always been selfish and we both know that.. r-right?" Now the tears were running freely down her face which was something she didn’t want. She tired wiping them away the best she could but there was no use. Her shoulders shook slightly before she ended up running up and hugging him, practically clinging for dear life.

[jaredsharpe]

The former slytherin didn't even hesitate on bringing his arms around her shaking frame. This moment, right now, reminded him too much of their hogwarts days, the time after he'd save her from that man who was crucio'ing her. He'd never say it out loud but that time did still haunt his nightmares. .

Most of the time Jared wouldn't be crying, he'd be trying his best to hold them back and usually it worked, but this time was different. His tears flowed freely and he couldn't stop them even if he tried. Jared knew he could try to explain how Roxanne wasn't his best friend but more like a sister. The two did have a special bond that no one could really understand. They were linked and he wasn't sure how.

Jared pulled her closer, lifting her just a bit until she was standing on his shoes. His fingers grabbed at her shirt, getting a fistful of it. This, this was better than thinking he'd walk away from her. As easy as people made it seem it really wasn't easy. To forget everything that had happened between them.

He thought back over their kisses. The ones they had shared when they were younger to the one a few months ago. He didn't love her the way she loved him but he did love her. He cared about her. He worried and he's tried his best to at least keep her happy but he seemed to fail at that sometimes. 

"I do love you, Lily, but it's not the same love that you feel. It's different but that doesn't mean I don't love you. I'm sorry I couldn't.. reciprocate your feelings. I tried but it just felt.. wrong and I didn't want to lie to you or hurt you but I guess I failed at that. I didn't mean to. I mean when you met me I didn't know much about myself or emotions like those that it was just completely new." He rested his head on the top of hers and closed his eyes.

"Can we start over, then? Can we just.. learn about our new selves and make newer, better memories? I just.. I really don't want to lose my friend, we've got too much history to just.. forget about it. I really am sorry for everything, all the hurt, the anger, the confusion. I didn't mean to do that to you. I didn't mean to get you to fall for me the way you had and I'm so sorry, Lils."