Fellatio Ratio

lemon/22/taurus/columbia uni "Y'know, the Spit and Sin, er wait,,, the Sit and Spin." -Hal My Portfolio

[catsruleokay]

[everydaylouie]

Hampstune Squeeku

[bumblebeebats]

Just saw an ad for fucking Kellog's cornflakes wherein a shirtless blindfolded man tied to a bed is like "Wait.. are you... eating??" and it pans across the bed to reveal that his partner is, indeed, too distracted to have sex with him bc she is chowing down on corn flakes. Now I've been caught up in wondering whether:

a) John Harvey Kellog would despise this ad; the mere proximity of bondage-play to his brand name and beloved anti-porn flakes is unforgivable

b) John Harvey Kellog would enjoy this ad, because it shows a young woman forsaking the temptations of the flesh in favour of eating a wholesome and nourishing bowl of cornflakes

Cast your vote

A - that crunchy old man is rolling in his grave

B - it's literally demonstrating the flakes' intended purpose

C - what in the goddamn hell are you people talking about

Voting ended onOct 10, 2024

[bumblebeebats]

"Are you sure you want to post this without tags?" What, pray tell, tumblr, would I add to this post to help it reach its 'intended audience.' #cornflakes #bondage

[perhapsdragon-deactivated202308]

That list of Spotify genres is quite literally the funniest thing to ever exist I am near tears

[perhapsdragon-deactivated202308]

[thiscatiscreepy]

[ID: 5 screenshots of Spotify genres reading: “new Jersey hardcore”, “women’s music”, “boogie-woogie”, “emo rap italiano”, and “beatlesque”. End ID]

[rowantula]

[lizardsister]

can't stop thinking about donald duck at a hipster party............ mgmt blastin.......................

[lizardsister]

[topherchris]

[imgdiver]

[medusabraids]

‪90s babies how do we feel about entering our 30s in this new decade?‬

[motherhenna]

[tetranocular]

[an-terra]

seriously is there anything sexier than sustainable farming

[springfieldstills]

[headspace-hotel]

The whole “how the hell does this predatory creature get enough sustenance” thing that plagues fantasy and sci-fi occasionally gets so absurd it loops around into being funny, like the scene in Star Wars when the Millenium Falcon is flying through an asteroid field and gets swallowed by a worm.

I could complain about that, but I could also conclude that the supply of reckless space pilots flying into asteroid fields has been consistent enough for the past few million years for animals to evolve to prey upon them.

[headspace-hotel]

Who knows. Maybe there are enough adventuring parties roaming about the Forest of Doom to increase the available biomass at their trophic level in order to sustain tertiary consumers like giant spiderwolves...

[headspace-hotel]

“You’re going into the Catacombs? No one survives the Catacombs! Many an adventurer has tried!”

“Uh, how many have tried?”

“Enough to form an entire ecological niche for species specialized to prey upon them!”

“Oh. That, uhh, that is a lot.”

“Right? It’s pretty fascinating actually. I’m writing my thesis on it right now.”

[ommanyte]

my brain whenever it listens to a new song

[loversdreamersandyou]

[valtsv]

im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice

[valtsv]

like idk how accurate these are but somehow they manage to be both peak shitposting humor and genuinely helpful suggestions

[valtsv]

fuck self-help books and therapy, all i need to make it in life is my trusty Cowboy Tips™

[sarcastic-mommy]

@pahdme

[powerburial]

[cerastes]

[wyrmmaster]