Dad, Divorced and Desired
After the divorce, my dad got hot. First came the sleek haircut, then stylish new clothes, and finally a monstrous intensity when he hit the gym. His middle-aged dad bod transformed into a seriously sculpted frame, getting both lean and strong in all the right places.
“Single life forced my hand,” he told me when I tried to tease him about it. “A guy doesn’t try as hard when he’s married. Maybe he should, but you don’t, and that’s part of how the relationship slides away. So, having a “comfortable” body doesn’t fly when you’re single. Not at my age anyway.”
“Well, seems to be working, old man. You’re looking good.”
I couldn’t help but notice, and once I noticed, I had to compliment him. He was dedicated and he got really great results with this change. And not just with his body, although that was the most visible part. But really, between the new look, his nice management job, and the wisdom he accumulated in his 43 years, he’d made himself the complete package for some lucky woman. Mom had no idea what she lost.
Dad smirked at the compliment. There was a towel slung around his neck and his chest glistened with sweat.
“Thanks,” he said, voice low, confessional. “You’re not the only one noticing. I’ve been getting lots of attention lately. More than I ever did in my twenties. It’s kind of cool.”
I teased him about making up for lost time, and we bantered back and forth. He was relaxed and surprisingly open about his new single life. And then I caught a slip—something about the “kinds” of people checking him out. I pressed on that. I did it playfully but I was legitimately curious. And then he admitted it: some of the attention came from men. After a pause, he added that he doesn’t mind that. In fact, he’s been…exploring it a little. Quietly. Casually.
“Holy shit, Dad. Are you gay? Or bi?”
“Bi, maybe. I guess. I mean, I must be, given how I’ve responded to it. How it made me feel. What I sometimes did.”
And just like that, he opened up and responded to my questions. He admitted that he’s always had some bi tendencies but he kept it all under wraps while he was married to Mom.
“But I’m gay!” I protested. “When I came out to you, didn’t you think you could also confide in me?”
“No way. I wasn’t going to burden you with my shit. And I was still married to your mother, denying myself—well, all of that. So it’s only recently that I’ve done anything about it.”
He didn’t offer a lot of details, but he responded to most of my questions. And gradually he got more comfortable confiding in me. No, no dates yet. Like not real ones. But he had kissed. Hooked up. It was easiest on the apps, but he was getting tired of how transactional that felt.
I thanked him for trusting me, and I told him i was glad he’s coming to terms with it. And I validated his exploration, getting out there and having some hookups.
“That’s all part of gay culture. Bi culture too, I suppose. When you get with a guy sexually those first few times, you can’t help but to suddenly know something about yourself.”
“But you know, if you’re tired of the apps, you should take it out in the real world. Be with people face to face. Like out at a bar, where you can have a real conversation. Where you have to come up with something more than “Into?” before you can stick it in a guy.”
Dad laughed. He looked more at ease right now than he had through the entire conversation.
“I can take you, if you want. Show you a good place or two. Help you break the ice.”
“Really? Yeah, sure, Ben. I’d like that.”
“Just don’t hog all the attention or I’ll really feel like shit.”
“Never gonna happen, son.” He slugged my shoulder. “You inherited my looks. And frankly you’re the younger, better model.”
The music was upbeat, thumping loud enough to feel it in our chests but quiet enough for conversations at only a quarter-shout. In a few hours the lights would go down, and the music would come up, and men would pack themselves onto the dance floor for the most physical kinds of conversation. But right now the bar was in social mode. Men clustered to talk and flirt, and the lights were still up enough to see and be seen. The bar light had that flattering glow that made everyone look a little bit better, a little more dangerous.
Dad stood beside, nursing a beer and scanning the room like he was trying to memorize it. He wore a black tee that clung to his chest, and his jeans sat tight on his hips. With his full, dark hair streaked silver at the temples, a pair of thick forearms, and a quiet confidence…yeah, he stood out. And guys were looking.
“You see him?” I asked, leaning in. “Over by the jukebox. That guy’s been staring at you for five minutes straight.”
Dad laughed and his eyes flicked over.“ Which one?”
I gestured discreetly. “About 25. Blue shirt. Sleeve tattoo. Built.”
He raised his glass in mock salute. “Guess I still got it.”
“You more than got it. And he’s not the only one looking.” I scanned the room and noted how many guys were staring at us. “You’re kind of killing it.”
Dad turned to me, just slightly. “It feels good, I’m not gonna lie. I never thought guys would be into me. They had never looked before, and…. Well, I guess that was before the divorce and all of…this.” He waved a hand in front of newly jacked body. “But I see that they look now. And it’s different. Intense.”
I watched his eyes follow another man who came our way; he made an effort to brush against Dad on his way to the bar. Dad shot me a look; there was a glint in his eye. “You didn’t say it would be this fun.”
“Better to see you finding out for yourself.”
Dad smiled at that—slow and a little wicked. “You’re a smartass.”
We stood in silence for a moment, letting the horned up, flirty energy of the bar soak into us. Then he leaned in, close enough for me to feel his body heat.
“You get off on this attention?” he asked, his voice low.
I blinked. I was unsure how to answer. Then I realized what he must be asking. “From the guys in the bar?”
“Sure. Especially when I’m out with someone and we’re both pulling the looks. Like we’re the hottest ones in the room.”
He looked at me as if he were deciphering something. He held my gaze. “Yeah.” His voice was low. “That’s how I feel. Like you and me are the hottest ones in the room.”
Something crackled between us. I felt it—like the static that makes your arm hair stand on end. Dad was still looking out at the crowd, but more and more, I felt his attention sliding back to me.
“You’ve been getting looks too,” he said. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” I made eye contact with him. “But I’m not the one they want to take home.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”
And just like that, we weren’t talking about the other guys anymore.
The energy between us was a live wire—vibrating, pulsing, crackling. Every time our arms brushed each other or our eyes locked a little too long, I felt something tighten in my chest. Dad looked good. No—dangerously good. And he saw that I saw it. How I took it all in, which only made it harder to be standing there.
We tried to stay engaged with the bar scene. Or at least we put on a show of doing that. We were laughing about some guy’s spastic dance moves when someone stepped up beside us at the bar.
“Hey there.” It was a warm voice, deep and smooth. I turned to see an older man, late forties at least. His salt-and-pepper beard was neatly trimmed, and his shirt was open a few buttons, chest hair spilling out of it.
He smiled at me and ignored Dad completely. “I couldn’t help noticing you. You’ve got a beautiful smile.”
I blinked. He had surprised me but I was flattered. “Thanks,” I said, taking a sip of beer. “You’ve got good taste.”
He laughed. “I try. Can I buy you another one?” He gestured at the last inch of beer in my glass.
Dad was quiet beside me. I could feel him listening.
I glanced at Dad and then back at the man. “I’m flattered, really. But I’m kind of here with someone.”
The man looked at Dad and raised his eyebrow slightly. “Lucky guy.” He tipped his glass to Dad before sighing and moving off.
As soon as the guy was out of earshot, Dad said, “Well, *that was something.”
Dad gave me a look. “He was my age.”
Dad sipped his drink, then gave me a cautious glance. “You into older guys?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yeah. I am.” Dad shuffled his feet. I continued. “I mean, not exclusively. But I’ve been with plenty of older men and we had a lot of fun. I don’t discriminate.”
Dad stood still for a moment, like he was working through something. Then he laughed under his breath. “Huh. Didn’t expect that.”
“I dunno,” he said. “I guess I figured…you probably liked something different.”
“I dunno. Maybe I shouldn’t have thought that. It’s just funny, because… Well, most of the guys I’ve…tried things with—they’ve been younger. Much younger. So I get it. But I also worry it makes a walking cliché.”
I smiled. “You are a cliché: the divorced Dad who decided to get hot.”
He huffed a laugh. “Don’t flatter me.”
“Too late. You’re the one who walked in looking like an ad for Daddyhunt. And you know it’s working.”
He rolled his eyes as if it was nothing, but his cheeks got red. He looked to the side for a moment, then back at me. “You really like older guys?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Especially ones who can take a hint and run with it.”
He sucked in his breath. Moved even closer in. There was a little space between us, standing together at the bar—but only the tiniest bit. Just enough to leave room for plausible denial. And for possibility.
Tonight at the bar was a weird moment for me and Dad. We had gone well past our everyday.
But at the same time, I realized it wasn’t completely new. There had been some past occasions when I’d felt something like this. Maybe he had too. They had been little moments that pulsed briefly, like the flash of a firefly’s tail before it goes dark. And then disappears.
I thought back to one of those times, to last summer. It was a hot evening, with dusk about to give way to darkness. The fireflies started to come out, to dance and glow.
Inside the house, a friend and I were hanging out. I was half-watching a game and half-scrolling my phone while my buddy raided the fridge for snacks. I was sprawled on the basement couch, barefoot, with my legs stretched out. It was too hot for anything but shorts and a tank.
Dad came down the stairs, toweling off his sweat after a run. Jogging was one of the start/stop fitness efforts Dad had made prior to the divorce. These efforts were partially motivated by him and partially a response to Mom’s nagging. He had tried tennis before. Swimming. Rock climbing. He was trying running now. In the end he would try just about everything before discovering his true love was the discipline of the weight room.
Sweat dripped from his face and darkened the collar of his T-shirt. The damp shirt clung to his chest and stomach. His skin was flushed, radiant with post-workout heat.
“I didn’t know you were still here.” Dad walked casually past me and toward the laundry room.
“Jake came over,” I explained. “We decided to hang here until it’s time for the movie. He’s upstairs, grabbing food,” I explained. I tried not to stare.
I couldn’t help it. Dad was as familiar anyone should be, but his post-exercise glow put him in a new light. I appraised his body in a way I hadn’t really before.
His belly was a little soft—that’s what the running was supposed to fix—but his arms and shoulders were still pumped from last month’s rock-climbing mania. I hadn’t realized he’d put on that kind of strength and size, but now, with his sweat soaked shirt clinging to him, it was obvious.
I watched a drop of sweat slide roll off his cheek and slide down his neck, further soaking the collar of his shirt. He grunted and peeled the shirt off in one quick move, turning away as he did it. I faced his
a broad back, all sweaty and shining the low light. His shoulders shifted as he moved, flexing without effort.
I told myself it was just curiosity, me looking at him like this. But then I felt a low ache in my crotch. The unmistakable pulse of arousal that came up out of nowhere.
I looked down. I was embarrassed that I was getting hard, and by how fast it was happening. I put a throw pillow over my lap. My heart was racing like I’d done something wrong just by feeling it.
He bent down to toss his laundry into the machine and get it started. He hooked his fingers into his waistband and slid everything down, shorts and briefs and all. It was a quick, casual movement but Dad was now buck naked, his ass on display. My dick twanged higher.
Fuck. I had to look away. I worried that I’d start to spurt if he swung himself around. I could picture his cock smacking his thigh on the off beat. No way.
So I stared at the TV, trying to focus on the game, on the score, on anything else. I forced myself to think about mundane things—homework, errands, junk mail—the least sexy thoughts I could summon.
By the time Dad walked past again, he had pulled on a loose pair of gym shorts, clean from the dryer. His bulge pushed its outline into the shiny fabric.
Dad called out a “See ya later” on his way to the stairs, but then he paused for second. He turned back and looked as if he was trying to decode my facial expression—and like he found something there to make him smile. Or smirk. He absentmindedly scratched his balls, then caught himself. He stopped his movement, made his face blank again, and looked away.
“OK, have fun at the movie.” He hurried out.
When Dad’s footfalls hit the last stair and I knew he was gone, I exhaled hard. And then I sat very, very still, trying to calm myself.
I had felt something today, something surprising, but it was raw and real. I knew to bury it deep.
And I was successful with that. For a good long time.
Here in the bar, Dad swirled the last bit of beer in the glass, watching it like the suds held answers. His jaw flexed reflexively and he avoided looking directly at me. We were hyper aware of how close we were standing, but neither of us was willing to move away.
“You know,” I said, nudging his elbow, “for someone who’s supposedly just figuring things out, you do a damn good job of acting like you belong here.”
Dad smirked but he didn’t turn his head. He continued looking out at the crowd. “Is that a compliment, or are you accusing me of being a flirt?”
“Both,” I said, sipping my beer. “You’re adjusting to this scene a lot faster than I would have thought.”
He turned toward me, making eye contact again, and coming in close. “And what about you?” His voice was low. “You always this smooth when you’re out with older guys?”
“Inspired to try out your material on me, then?”
I gave him a once-over, slow and deliberate. “Yeah, I’m trying it out. Is it working?”
Dad’s lips twitched. “Careful,” he murmured. “You keep that up and I might start thinking you actually mean it.”
I shrugged. My shoulder brushed his. “Maybe I do.”
Dad went very still. He tilted his head, looking at me like he was trying to make a decision.
Then he reached out and casually—too casually—picked a bit of lint off my shirt, right near my collarbone. His fingers lingered a beat too long, his knuckles brushing my bare skin before they pulled back.
“You’re trouble,” he said.
“And you’re pretending like you don’t like that.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t say that.”
There was a pause. It was long enough for our eyes to lock, long enough for the world to fade around the edges.
Then he pulled away a bit, took a breath. “We should probably—what? Mingle? You know. Be social.”
“OK,” I said. I tried to keep my voice easy. “But I’m kind of enjoying this.”
He exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. “God. What are we doing?”
“Just…talking. We haven’t done anything wrong.”
Dad looked at me sideways. “Not yet.”
I leaned in. I was close enough to feel his body heat. “You say that like it’s inevitable.”
He didn’t move. Didn’t answer. He just smiled—a small, private smile that made my stomach tighten.
The music shifted to something slower and deeper. The lights dimmed.
Dad’s face fought with itself and then he turned it back out to face the bar. So I turned out too. But our shoulders were touching now and his forearm rested next to mine. Not quite touching. But it was close enough that any small movement from either of us would bring us together.
“You know,” I said, still facing out, “if this is your midlife crisis, it’s a pretty good one. Hottest one I’ve ever seen.”
He let out a breath that was part laugh, part groan. “Kiddo, you’re gonna get me into trouble.”
“Like you need me for that.”
He didn’t respond for a little while. We just stayed there. Not talking. Barely touching. Just standing side by side while the space buzzed between us like a live wire.
Eventually Dad broke the silence. He suggested that maybe this was enough for one night. Part of me felt let down that we were leaving this space where Dad had felt free and something interesting started to build between us. But another part of me was relieved.
We left the bar laughing. The warm buzz of beers and bar music hummed under my skin, but the cool night air cut right through it. Like a reset. Things were quieter outside, calm rather than charged, the vibe intensely ordinary. We stepped onto the sidewalk and walked. The glow of the bar lights faded behind us. It was like stepping out of a dream.
Dad stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, and I shoved mine into my jeans. We walked side by side, not touching, the space between us suddenly vast again. We were just two guys leaving a bar. Like friends. Like nothing had happened.
“Thanks for bringing me,” Dad said after we’d walked almost a block. His voice was lighter now and a little guarded. “That was…interesting.”
“Interesting That’s the word you’re going with?”
“What do you want me to say? The bar was…wild? Hot? Eye-opening?”
“I mean, all of those could be accurate.”
He nodded, looking down at the sidewalk as we walked. “It felt… easy in there. Like I could just let things go. Be real, and open up to stuff.”
“Yeah. That’s the point, right?”
“Right,” he echoed softly.
We stopped at the corner, waiting for the light to change. His shoulder bumped mine and lingered there, but neither of us acknowledged it. The quiet hung between us.
Then he looked at me. Really looked.
“Can I ask you something?” His eyes searched mine.
“Was that all… part of the game? The flirting, the compliments, the looks. Or were you actually…?”
I didn’t answer right away. I thought about laughing it off or changing the subject. I could’ve pretended we were just two guys one-upping each other. That I was just showing him the ropes at his first gay bar. But I didn’t.
“I meant it,” I told him. “Every bit.”
He swallowed. His jaw clenched, just briefly. “Damn.”
“I was doing a really good job of convincing myself you were just being nice.”
He glanced away and exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with that.”
“OK.” It hurt to put myself out there and then feel a wall come up. But I understood it. Even though it was disappointing.
Things were quiet in the car as we rode back. Not exactly uncomfortable—just contained. It was the kind of silence that presses on your chest a little. Lets you know it’s there. Heavy.
The glow of the dashboard lit Dad’s face in soft tones, making his features look smooth and calm. Like nothing was happening. Like we hadn’t just spent two hours flirting under colored lights with music and heat pulsing between us like a quasar.
At the bar we had jokes and smiles and thumping music. Everything felt easy between us. But now, without the music and the lights and the safety of being surrounded by strangers, everything felt sharper, magnified, more real. And a hell of a lot more dangerous.
Dad’s hands were steady on the wheel and he kept his eyes on the road. I sat straight up in the passenger seat. I was hyper-aware of the space between us, a much bigger gap than at the bar, but still one that crackled with energy.
Approaching a red light, Dad reached for the gearshift. His hand bumped my knee.
Not just bumped, but pressed, hard enough to jolt me. Then his fingers froze.
“Shit,” he muttered. He pulled his hand back fast, but my hand caught his wrist without thinking.
He looked at me, surprised.
And then—God, I don’t even know how it happened.
One second we were caught in that look. And the next second we were leaning in at the same time. Like gravity had shifted and pulled us in together with no choice.
Our mouths met awkwardly—a little off-center, too sudden. But then things evened out. And deepened. Dad’s hand found my jaw. He held my face to his firmly, determined not to let me get away.
The car behind us blared its horn. Dad pulled away and blinked. He glanced at the green traffic light and swore under his breath as he hit the gas.
The rest of the drive was a blur. We didn’t talk. Didn’t touch again. But the silence between us was deafening—buzzing, loaded. It vibrated in my skin.
Dad pulled into the parking lot of his condo complex and cut the engine, but he didn’t move. For a second, we just sat there, bathed in yellowed light of street lamps. I wasn’t sure if I was breathing right.
“You want to go in?” he asked.
His voice was rough and hoarse. Like he’d swallowed the words and made himself cough them back up again.
I nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”
His apartment was spare. Divorce had stripped things down to the essentials. Basic furniture. A few lamps. No pictures, because they were still at Mom’s house and he hadn’t made copies yet.
But that meant everything here was his, and his alone. It was all part of his new life, not the past. His new clothes, some free weights, a bar set up with a bunch of whiskeys Mom had said were too expensive to buy on a family budget.
Dad closed the door behind us and turned to say something—probably something neutral, like want a drink?, or make yourself comfortable.
But he didn’t get the words out.
Because I stepped toward him at the exact moment he turned—and then we were on each other. There was no hesitation this time.
Our mouths crashed together in a kiss that was nothing like the one we’d shared in the car. This one was all heat and teeth and breathless urgency. There were hands in hair, on faces—we clutched at each other’s clothing like we were afraid the other might disappear.
Dad pressed me against the wall just inside the entryway. One hand gripped my right hip and the other curled around the back of my neck. He pulled me deeper into the kiss like he worried I might escape.
Dad ground into me. I could feel him, hard, through his jeans. He made a sound with his throat—half growl, half groan—and his hands roamed my body like they couldn’t decide what they wanted to touch most.
“This is—” he started. But I put my mouth on his again. Whatever has going to say died on his tongue.
We stumbled into the living room, our lips locked and fingers fumbling with buttons and zippers. We were greedy, consumed.
Dad’s hands were on my chest, my waist, under my shirt. Mine went to his back and traced the taut muscle under his tee. He pulled back long enough to look at me. His eyes were a little wild and his chest was rising and falling hard.
“I’ve wanted to do that since the bar,” I admitted.
He leaned in and put his forehead against mine. “I’ve wanted to do that since you complimented me in the kitchen last week.”
And then we weren’t laughing anymore.
Because we were kissing again—deeper, rougher—fully caught up in each other. And dragging ourselves to the bedroom.
We were kissing so hard now it was clumsy—teeth catching, tongues colliding, our lips swollen and slick. Dad tasted like beer and hormones.
Our clothes came off in uneven bursts. My shirt hit the floor. His followed, unveiling a chest that was somehow even hotter in this light than it had been under the bar’s perfect glow—broad and hard, dusted with dark curly hair that my lips begged to taste.
“You’ve been hiding this?” I murmured. My fingers grazed his torso, trailing down the ridges of his abs.
“No. No way. Not like this. And not able to do this.”
I dropped to my knees without thinking, looking up at him while one of my hands pawed his chest and the other one unbuckled his belt. Dad’s eyes widened, like the sight of me down there unraveled something in him. A hand went to my hair, just holding it, like he needed to anchor himself.
Dad was rock-hard when I freed him from his jeans and briefs. It was thick. Heavy. Gorgeous. I stroked him slowly. I watched his face twist and his jaw tighten as he tried to keep control.
I took him into my mouth, inch by inch. It filled me, and I made the effort to stretch my lips around its girth. Dad groaned—a low, broken sound that sent fire straight to my crotch. Dad’s hips twitched once. But he mostly held himself still, trembling a little as I worked him, tongue flicking, lips tightening, my hand stroking whatever I couldn’t fit.
“Fuck, you’re—” he exhaled, cutting himself off. “You don’t have to—”
I pulled off with a wet pop. “I do. I do have to. And I want to.”
His fingers grabbed my hair tighter. I licked the underside of his shaft, going slow and teasing him until he started cursing a blue streak and then pulled me roughly to my feet.
He kissed me again, giving me everything in that kiss: hunger, gratitude, need. He turned me toward the bed with his hands on my hips, shoving my jeans down and pulling his off the rest of the way too.
“Wait,” he said, pausing. “Let me get a condom.”
“You don’t have to, Dad.”
“We should be responsible.”
“We are. I’m on PrEP, and I can tell you about that later. But more important: you’re my Dad. I don’t want a condom between us. I don’t want anything between us. I want to feel you bare.”
“Jesus, son.” His cock twitched and spurted at my words. “You’re asking for your Dad’s raw dick.”
“No,” I said, stopping him with a kiss. “I’m insisting.”
We kissed harder. Both of us were turned on by the admission that we were about to fuck. Skin to skin. Father and son.
Dad broke off the kiss. He gave me a playful shove. I fell back onto the bed while he grabbed a small bottle of lube from his nightstand. I watched him slick himself up, greasing the fat dick that 24 years ago had made me.
He climbed onto the bed and pulled me into an embrace. His lubed-up cock lay against my cheeks.
“You’ll tell me if it’s too much,” he murmured into my neck.
Dad pushed in, slow and careful. We both groaned. The shock and delight of entry. Dad then filled me inch by inch, plugging me thick and deep. His cock stretched me until I gasped and my eyes rolled back in my head. One of my hands flew out and clutched the headboard.
“Jesus, Ben,” he muttered. “You feel so…I mean, oh my God.”
He started to move. It was tentative at first, his hips pushing out his cock with shallow thrusts. But that hesitation didn’t last long. Soon his hands gripped my hips hard; his rhythm and aggression built up. I pushed back against him to take it deeper. I matched him stroke for stroke.
We found our pace, and it was nothing graceful. It was rough, messy, desperate. The bed creaked under us, skin slapped skin, the smells of breath and sweat and sex filled the room. Dad reached out to stroke me, his hand pumping me in time with his thrusts.
“You like that?” he growled.
I could barely speak. I just nodded, moaning into the pillows.
“Yeah, I can see you do,” he rasped. “And you’re so fucking tight. My son’s tight ass is taking the cock that made him—”
That sent me over the edge.
I came hard, gasping; my body clenched around him. My spasms tipped him over too. A second later he groaned low in my ear and jerked against me, burying himself deep inside while he unleashed a gusher.
We collapsed, panting, our bodies tangled. The room was quiet except for our breathing, which gradually started to slow. Dad wrapped an arm around my chest, warm and solid.
Neither of us said anything for a long time.
Eventually, he spoke. His voice was soft and he sounded a little dazed.
“I think I’ve been waiting to do that for a lot longer than I realized.”
I smiled into his arm, then burrowed my face into his chest. “Yeah. Me too.”
The light was soft when I woke—still gray and slow, filtering through half-closed blinds. The air around us was cool, but the warmth of Dad’s body behind mine made up for it. He had an arm draped around my waist and his breath was steady against the back of my neck.
For a long while, we didn’t move. Everything felt still. Everything felt real.
Eventually, Dad stirred. I felt his breath shift before I heard his voice.
Silence stretched out again, not quite comfortable this time. But not awkward, either—just thick with the knowledge that now everything was different.
He pulled back a little, just enough that I could roll onto my back and look at him. His hair was a mess. His eyes were still soft with sleep. And yet, the moment our gaze met, I saw it there—the question he didn’t quite want to say.
He exhaled slowly and rubbed a hand across his face. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want it to happen again?”
His hand stopped moving. He looked at me, serious now.
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something as much, but I’m worried about it at the same time.”
I gave him a small, wry smile. “Yeah. Same.”
He sat up slowly and rested his elbows on his knees. He stared at the floor.
“I feel like I should be freaking out more,” he admitted. “But I’m not. Not really. I’m just scared of anything that might drive us a wedge between us at some point.”
“I get it,” I said. “I don’t want that to happen either. But maybe this doesn’t have to mean anything yet.”
He looked over his shoulder at me. “So what, we just… pretend it didn’t happen?”
“No,” I said firmly. “That’s definitely not what I’m saying. I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. I just—think we should be honest. About wanting it. And about not being sure what if means. And about being ready for us to not be ready NOT to do it again.”
“That’s a lot of ‘nots,’” he said, laughing. “I’m too confused to respond to that. But…in all seriousness”—his eyes searched mine—“You really think we could just… see where it goes?”
I sat up enough to look him in the eyes. To give him another kiss.
“Yeah. Because I think we already are doing that.” I reached over and grabbed his cock. It pulsed in my hand. Or am I wrong?”
“No,” Dad said as I squeezed him. “You’re definitely not wrong.”
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