Assassin

Expressing random thoughts at random things.

[jayrbautista]

Have you ever tried a roller coaster in an amusement park? I haven’t, but as I looked at the structure of any roller coaster in every amusement park it is always the same. So many ups and downs. As I walk on the streets this afternoon, I tried to wrap up how my 2017 went on. It’s funny how I reflect about my 2017 but think about 2016. Well, for the benefit of those who don’t know 2016 was my worst ever year to me. It was the year full of heart broken especially its 2nd half that I thought I would carry over this year. It was the year where we saw a mass at my mom’s breast and later was diagnosed of cancer. It was a year where I had a really terrible heartbreak, romantic-wise. It was a year where I had my 2nd attempt to apply for scholarship in Japan and got my 2nd failure. It was a year where I got really confused whether to study again for my 2nd course, confused because my relatives strongly disagreed with what I was planning to do (they wanted me to work for money). It was a year where I thought I was never been supported fully by my parents with my dreams (where I was really terribly wrong). It was a year where suicidal thoughts came in or at least just disappear in this world without being noticed by anyone. Well to be fair it was a year where I graduated my ladderized program and of course I have distinguished who really supports me through thick and thin(whether by blood or not).

Enough of the 2016 let’s focus on 2017 since this article is really intended for the year ender realizations. This year I guess is far from perfect but probably my best year. This year’s first half was just receiving all the pain from 2016 all of it until I cannot feel anything. I became numb that I cannot feel any hatred nor love but I continued to pursue God. I attended feast, continuing serving the Lord through the ministry of youth for Christ. It is really tough serving without love I swear. Everyday I am doing something that I really don’t know whether I like to do it or not but I still get it done. Little by little I have proven that everything you do in this world is a decision, including love and hapiness. This is the year where I became tougher and gritter. This is the year where I decided to love myself more. This is the year where I accepted everything that was and is happening. This is the year where I decided to pursue my dreams, my engineering dreams and basketball dreams. This is the year where I realized that money is important but not as important as living a good life, the life that you dream. This is the year where I realized that your life is meaningless unless it is shared as how our Lord shared His life to us.

The second half of this year I guess is all about the application of the lessons that I’ve learned. I decided to love myself more so I became happy. I decided to love, God gave me the girl in my prayers in Maiko. I decided to love more, and He trusted me with the service of being the kuya of Central A’s High School based program. I decided to accept the realities of my relatives so I have love them again as much as I loved them before and understands them more eventhough I get hurt everytime they open the topic of studying again and not working. I decided to be happy so God gave me extra push in life to pursue my dreams and have the strength to endure the pain that life is giving and will be giving to me.

2017 really a year of learnings and realizations as I write this article I realized how important our past is so we could be stronger bolder and gritter. It is important so whenever you are getting out of gas in life, just look at it and see how far you have reached today. To all the people that really helped me without expecting anything in return, thank you so much I will never forget you. To all the people who are telling me what to do in my life, thank you because I know you're just saying it to me because you are just worried because yeah I knew this was efin’ risky, but I also do know that whether you reach the dream or not, the journey is the dream.

2016 is a teacher, 2017 is the lessons and applications, 2018 might be the reward? I hope so. Cheers to the 2018, people. God bless us all.

[jayrbautista]

I have a dream that one day, you'll gonna write about us; that one day, your words will sound happy. The question is when? I can't wait.

[jayrbautista]

I just can’t handle not to post this. They’re the sweetest. It is really a privilege to have grandparents, or even my parents, to look up to when it comes to managing relationships. What’s their secret? I don’t really know. Maybe it’s something to be discovered by you and your partner. Having grandparents and parents with a successful marriages makes me strive to have one too. Even if I am still single, I am so excited with what the future holds. I can’t wait to meet my future wife. I can’t wait to hold her in front of the altar. I can’t wait to raise our children together. I can’t wait to build our own version of forever. In God’s time. In God’s time.

[jayrbautista]

Election Thoughts

Three days to go eleksyon na, so I decided to share my opinion not just by sharing other people's thoughts.

Naniniwala po ako na ang mga kandidato ngayon (kaya naman mainit ang labanan) ay may mga puso para sa mga Pilipino maliban na lang kay Ms. Grace Poe (sorry po sa mga supporters nya) kasi sya ay naging American citizen which is hindi magandang maging pangulo ng mga PILIPINO na sumumpa sa pagtakwil sa pagiging Filipino Citizen. Naniniwala din akong may pagbabago sa kahit sinong maupo sa pwesto. Yung mga plataporma at puso nila, walang duda para sa mga mamamayang Pilipino kaya naman hindi ko gaanong ibabase sa platforms nila ang opinyon ko. Bago ako magbigay ng opinyon sa mga kandidato, uunahan ko na kayo, ang susuportahan ko po ay si Miriam at si Leni.

Mar Roxas - wag po tayong masyadong hater ni Mar. Hindi po tanga si Mar. Masyado lang hinighlight ng social media ang mga kapalpakan niya. Siya lang naman po ang isa sa pangunahing rason kung bakit may BPO or Call Center dito sa Pilipinas na nagbigay ng trabaho sa libu-libong Pilipino. Kapag ang tao ay may trabaho nagkakaroon ito ng dignidad sa sarili. In short, maraming nabigyan ng dignidad dahil kay Mar. Marami pa siyang nagawa di ko na iisa-isahin gusto ko lang bigyan nyo sya ng respeto. Bakit nga ba hindi ko siya iboboto bilang presidente? Kulang sa angas, kulang sa PR. Siguro kung sa senator e baka iboto ko pa sya. Ang presidente ay dapat pasimuno. Hindi ko makita sa kanya iyon. Mas bagay sya sa paggawa ng batas, kumbaga sa back end sya.

Jojo Binay - Nag-aral po ako ng High School sa Makati at teacher sa University of Makati ang nanay ko kaya naman nakita ko po kung gaano kaganda ng ginawa ni Binay para sa Makati. Although dapat lang dahil mayaman talaga ang Makati. Naipapagamot po ako sa Ospital ng Makati ng Libre at nakapag-aral din ako ng Libre, kumpleto may workbooks, notebooks, lapis, papel at uniform. Alagang-alaga pa ang mga senior citizens, kumbaga hindi na ako mangangamba sa future ng magulang ko. Naniniwala din akong kaya nyang gawin ito sa buong Pilipinas. Bakit nga ba hindi ko siya iboboto? Meron siyang kasong kinakaharap tungkol sa korapsyon. Although hindi pa naman napapatunayan pero mas okay ng safe ang magiging tax ko pag ako’y nagtatrabaho na. Sa totoo lang kung hindi tumakbo si Miriam baka ito pa ang binoto ko.

Grace Poe - With all due respect kay Ms. Grace Poe, pero wala talaga akong makita kahit pa magresearch ako na nagawa niya. Maaaring charity events, pero kung gayon hindi nya kailangan magpresidente. Bakit nga ba hindi ko siya iboboto? Nasabi ko na din naman ang pangunahing rason kung bakit di ko sya iboboto. Iyon ay ang pagiging American Citizen nito. Syempre idagdag ko na din yung wala pa siyang nagawa, wala pa siyang napapatunayan sa mas mababang posisyon.

Rody Duterte - Maganda ang nagawa nito sa Davao. May dignidad at mataas ang tingin sa mga pulis na naroon. Hindi pa man ako nakakapuntang Davao ngunit may mga kilala akong nakapunta na at mayroon din akong kilalang tumira doon, kaya naman base sa mga kuwento nila ay masarap nga naman tumira sa lugar na safe ang pakiramdam mo, yung makakalakad ka sa daan ng ligtas ka sa paputok. yung limitado ang oras ng pag-inom. Haaay, masarap nga naman tumira sa ganoon. Bakit nga ba hindi ko siya iboboto? Ang isang lider ay pasimuno dapat ng lahat. Hindi mo pwedeng ipagbawal ang isang bagay ng hindi mo ito ginagawa. Kung nagkaharap sila ng isang rapist, ano ang sasabihin nya? Na siya dapat ang nauna? Bihira mo ako marinig na nagmumura, pero mga kaibigan ko nagmumura, yung iba nga na-i-ilang na magmura sa harap ko pero sinasabi ko sa kanila na yung pagmumura ay hindi nagdedefine kung ang tao ay masama or mabuti. It’s such that hindi maganda sa isang lider na ang lumalabas sa bibig ay puro mura. Nakakarindi rin minsan na sa bawat sentence may kasamang mura. May mga kumakalat sa facebook na trabaho ng magulang yung magbigay ng values sa kanilang mga anak, oh please parang hindi kayo naging bata, ako naaalala ko nung bata ako naging sobrang idol ko si Erap, yun pala nagnakaw sa kaban ng bayan. DAPAT PO NATING ISAALANG-ALANG ANG MAGIGING MODELO PARA SA MGA BATA. Kung maging presidente ito, hindi na ako magtataka kung karamihan sa mga bata ay matututong magmura at murahin ang magulang nila. At isa pa hindi po siya consistent sa mga sinasabi nya. para siyang kanta ng silent sanctuary, minsan oo minsan hindi.

Miriam Santiago - Aba’y nakakatamad pong isulat yung achievements nya sa sobrang dami. Pero pinakanabiliban ako sa kanya ng maging Judge siya sa international court. Aba’y isa lang ang ibig sabihin nyan magaling siya magdesisyon at iyon ang dapat. Bakit ko siya hindi dapat iboto? Sa totoo lang, kaya nga siya ang iboboto ko e, dahil wala po akong makitang dahilan para hindi siya iboto. Sinasabi nila na mahina na ang kalusugan nito at malapit ng mamatay, please lang po maski ikaw pwedeng mamatay sa oras ngayon kaya hindi mo pwedeng sabihing mamamatay na si Miriam dahil hindi ka Diyos. Sinasabi din nila na sayang ang boto kasi mahina sa survey hindi na mananalo, puwes mas masasayang po ang boto ko kung hindi si Miriam ang binoto ko.

Gusto ko pa sanang talakayin ang opinyon ko sa Vice President, Senators, Mayor(Makati) at Vice Mayor(Makati) kaya lang tinatamad na ako magtype, ililista ko na lang para masaya.

Vice President: Leni Robredo

Senators (sure na yung 1-10 ko yung 11-13 di pa sure kung sino ilalagay ko sa huling 2 slots)

Dick Gordon

Neri Colmenares

Leila De Lima

Franklin Drillon

TG Guingona

Risa Hontiveros

Lorna Kapunan

Susan Ople

Kiko Pangilinan

Ralph Recto

Francis Tolentino

Isko Moreno

Martin Romualdez

Mayor (Makati): Kid Pena (pinag-i-isipan ko pang i-abstain, pero di ko talaga iboboto si Ms. Abby Binay. Kung si Junjun or si Jojo pa ang kalaban Binay iboboto ko)

Vice Mayor: Monique Lagdameo

Sa bandang huli Pilipino muna tayo bago nagkaroon ng kandidato. Hindi ka dapat maka-roxas, maka-binay, maka-grace, maka-digong or maka-miriam, dapat MAKA-PILIPINO ka. Kaya naman kung sino ang manalo sa Lunes dapat tanggapin mo ng buong puso. Suportahan ang mga programa kahit hindi siya ang binoto mo. Maniwala ka sa presidenteng mananalo dahil kahit may mga personal nahangarin sila, ay meron din silang hangarin para sa bayan, doon tayo mag-focus at nang mapagyaman natin ang bayang mahal.

[jayrbautista]

In the future, if I ever get the chance to raise a child, I would never let my child see me suffers from any kind of suffering. 'Cause yeah, even if it's not their fault, they'll feel guilty that, and let them think they are the reason why you're suffering.

[jayrbautista]

1. Sinong gusto mong minusan ng 100 points? 2. Sinong gusto mong dagdan ng 100 points? 3. Sinong gusto mong bawasan ng 2 attendance? 4. Sinong gusto mong dagdagan ng 1 attendance? 5. Sinong gusto mong ibagsak? Pag di ka nagsagot redefense ka. Tang inang mga tanungan yan! Makatao ba ito?

[jayrbautista]

I really did enjoy jamming with my cousins. You know this song really drives me forward in my shitty life. I always think that I don’t have anyone at my back, well I was wrong. Now if ever come a time that I will feel I’m alone, I just play this video wherever I am. Thank You Lord.

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPz2-9lTTDc)

[jayrbautista]

It’s been a while since I have posted something worth reading. As I have promised to one of my friends that I will blog about her song. (Seriously, she has an awesome talent). Her name is Ms. Shaliss Naval but I call her “Ange”. She wrote songs for the himig handog program of ABS-CBN. When I first heard the song, I felt like the first time I heard “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran. Goosebumps all over me. Though the recording quality isn’t that good, since, I guess it was only recorded through a mobile phone, but when you take out the noise you’ll gonna hear her soft and angelic voice plus the lyrics, so meaningful.

I am very fascinated by her God-given talent. I asked her, who’s her inspiration with the song *I thought what a lucky guy* she told me that  “actually , pinalawak ko ang inspiration nyan para sa lahat ng gusto maging rason ng bawat pag ngiti ng isang tao (actually, I had broaden my inspirationg regarding that song, it is for those who wanted to be the reason why a person smiles)”. Then she told me, it took her 30-40 minutes to finish an awesome song. Let me give you a piece of her masterpiece, a line of her song just to let you know how good her songwriting skill.

“In this crazy world we have         

I realize that you’re my true love”

30-40 minutes? Plus the tune? WOW, JUST WOW!

I told her that I would publish an article regarding her song, and she was shocked that I have a blog. I replied, I love writing, because I could express what I feel, what I think, when my mouth can’t speak up. and then she told me “ah.. pag ako kasi, may gustong sabihin or gusto kang may maramdaman ako through song kasi di ba music lover ako ayun, gusto ko nakikinig ng music, minsan para maramdaman ko through a song yung gusto kong ma-feel. kaya gumagawa ako ng kanta every time na may gusto akong sabihin or every time na may gusto kong i-labas na nasa damdamin ko (my outlet is, if I have something to tell or you wanted me to feel, through song because I am a music lover, ain’t I? I wanted to hear music, sometimes for me to feel something I wanted to feel through song. That’s why I make a song every time I have something to say or every time I have something inside me that I wanted to express)”.

The title of the songs she sent are “2015″ and “The Reason Why”. I can’t post the song here since the competition isn’t finished yet, but I know for sure you’ll gonna hear the song on the radio soonest. So if there would come a time that you have the power to vote for the winner please please please, support her and her songs. I bet you will. Kudos! God bless us all.

[jayrbautista]

It's so disgusting how a movie could be a pivotal moment on your life. I mean realizing how awful your decisions was and now taking care and full responsibility on each.

[jayrbautista]

Oh dear God, I don't know what Your plan is. I'm in an awful position right now. I'm hurt. I don't want to be in here. Take me. Right now I can't control my life but I know You are there controlling it. Let Your will be done.

[jayrbautista]

You know you truly love her when someone whom you have crush on, have a crush on you too, but still choosing her even though there's no assurance with your relationship. Only crazy people do that and I am crazy enough to love you like this.

[jayrbautista]

Though you hurt me. But you are still young to suffer that kind. Get well soon.

[jayrbautista]

I remember how you gave us money to buy some firecracker. I remember how happy you were when you caught a shrimp. I remember how you gave me the improvised fishing rod. I remember how you gave me the ball to play basketball in your backyard. I remember how happy you were whenever I came to your house with a can of biscuits; with or without biscuits, nevertheless, you were happy to be with me. I remember how I persuaded you to dance with me in the middle of the beach on your birthday. I remember how your tears fell down out of happiness during that birthday…your last birthday. I knew it seems to be the last one, but I hoped it isn’t…but it is. So long Lola Funny, you will be missed.

Sincerely, Jayr

[jayrbautista]

So here it is again. It's been 5 years since I consulted my parents about my future. I asked them what course I'm going to take and they said whatever I wanted. Well, I don't think they answered me wrong but then what did I knew about college? What did I knew about life? On my way to become an IT specialist I get to know what are the nature of work of different fields and discovered that being an IT specialist is not linear with my passion and what I really want to do in life. I wanted to shift my directions and take the path of being an engineer. But they gave me an agreement that I should finish this course first before pursuing engineering. Now 5 years after, I am hoping to finish this course and then start to work my ass off to become an engineer. Since I am graduating, I am taking an internship. Other academe has only 1 semester for internship others during summer vacation only but in my school we'll gonna do this the whole school year with 360 hours for the first semester and another for the 2nd semester and must be done in 2 different companies. I am halfway there to finish my 1st internship and again I am facing another dilemma for my future. I have asked my parents where I am going to take my 2nd internship and gave them 2 company names that I consider the most. I gave them the advantages and disadvantages between those 2 companies. I was answered again with "whatever I want". I hate it! I am asking because I really don't know what to choose both of the choices would define my future. I know my future is my responsibility but I need a guide. I am afraid I might end up having a wrong decision again. Answering me with "whatever I want" won't help.

[jayrbautista]

I can't feel myself. I really need a good long tight hug right now from anyone...just one hug. Or I must say I just need someone to be with me, someone who will listen to my silent miseries, someone who will remind me that I'm alive, that there's more to life Anyone, even a stranger...literally anyone...any.

[jayrbautista]

Dear basketball bandwagon and Lebron hater(those who hate him below the line),

I really don't understand why Lebron is hated so much especially those who have less knowledge/experience on playing basketball games. I must admit, I’m a Lebron hater since day 1 but I don’t hate him to the extent of hating him as a person. I just hate him because he is too good playing to the point of not pleasing to my eyes, but I appreciate his greatness and his presence when he enters the court. 

Believe it or not I have experience lifting a team, and it was too damn hard. I was 11 back then when a teammate, whom together we created the best duo in the league, have undergone circumcision so I have to double my effort to lift my team.  

Going back to the NBA Finals 2015, in that series I am in favor of GSW because as I have said I am a Lebron hater, but EVERYONE should appreciate how good he is. He gave it all. Give him credit. He doesn’t deserve below the belt hates.

I’m pissed off with those people who crossed below the line in telling hatred words to Lebron, as if they play basketball. I am also disgusted with someone who is actively comments on random posts about basketball telling their hatred to Lebron. You will see their facebook timeline posts about basketball (particularly about NBA Finals 2015), telling how bad Lebron was. And personally you knew that person and know that he is not playing basketball. 

UGH! Bro, promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

Sincerely,

A basketball fan, greatness fan, and a Laker fan.

[jayrbautista]

Do not be afraid to explore. Like me exploring new places. Places I’ve never been before. It’s okay to be lost. Sometimes searching for the right way or the right place, you’ll find yourself.