Okay so people have been voting in this post to hear about my mom's Kronks, and I finally got the time so here we go.
First thing to know about my mom is that she's kind of a jackass and extremely self obsessed. She somehow embodies all the standards of toxic masculinity while still managing to slip some toxic femininity in there too, and a tenuous little dash of actual feminism. Second thing is that, on paper, she sounds Pretty Fucking Cool.
This woman is everything an alpha bro aspires to be. She's well educated, spent her 20s working as a wildlands firefighter, went on to teach martial arts, does her own construction and landscaping projects by hand, decently skilled at all kinds of handyman shit like plumbing/carpentry/electrical installation/car maintenance/whatever, really big on wilderness survival and actually has the skills to back it up, the works. This is a woman who wears homemade dresses to town and keeps a chainsaw in the back of her car in case she needs to clear fallen trees out of the road on the way.
Point is, there's a certain kind of man who really does want to learn those practical skills and feel like a Real Hard Working Man, but isn't into all the manosphere type bullshit that they run into with most men tryna achieve that. These men get totally infatuated with my mom.
This isn't a sexual thing as far as I know. The basis of the relationship is that the one thing my mom loves more than telling people how great she is, is other people telling her how great she is; and nothing boosts her ego more than a dedicated apprentice who wants to be taught everything she knows, follows her every instruction, and performs manual labor for free (and can be put down on the list of people who's every success is now due to her). And on the guy's end, I guess the one-on-one mentorship fills a void. I gotta admit, despite some of them being my classmates, I don't really interact with the Kronks much during this process so I'm not sure exactly why they do it.
Anyway the result is that she never goes more than a few months without ending up with one or two strong guys following her around to help with projects and learn new skills. I only talk to her a couple times a month these days and really don't keep track of them, so sometimes she'll mention what [guy's name] did recently and I just have to assume it's either a new one or I forgot the latest one's name again. Every time I visit her there's a new one that I meet in passing.
They range in age from her peers, to literally my peer's younger siblings, but they're always chipper, friendly, and either buff or working on building muscle. And they're always absolutely dedicated to her. I'm not even clear on what exactly their role is at any given time either. Like, sometimes they're helping out with work, sometimes they're just doing errands for her or trading fruits and supplies and shit. They're just, Present, at any given moment when she needs something. And there's always a new one.
However! One big difference between her and Yzma is that apparently she keeps in contact with the old Kronks after they leave the nest. Again, I don't end up knowing much at all about these guys, just that they cycle out regularly and I stop seeing them around. Not my business.
The day I learned otherwise was after a massive storm hit the island and toppled trees all around her property, blocking the road out and effectively trapping her there with no access to groceries or gas or anything. Now, I didn't see the damage in person, but I know her place is surrounded by fuckoff huge eucalyptus with trunks 3-4 feet (over a meter) in diameter and branches twice the length of a car who like to fall over at the slightest inconvenience, as well as a lot of smaller debris, and tends to get flooded with mud when it rains —more than she can manage with just her trusty chainsaw and raw donkeykong strength alone. She needed some helping hands.
So, naturally, she summons a Kronk. But one Kronk isn't nearly enough for all of that shit. She summoned every Kronk on the island.
They managed to clear all the major damage in a single day, and had time to pose for a truly iconic image.
Unfortunately this is the only other story that I have photographic proof of, so from here on out you'll just have to take my word for it. Feel free to comment on the original post with which story you want me to share next, and thanks for being interested in my sitcom moments <3
yousharknotpass
discoholicmusic
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
turnnoffyourmind
