WASTE OF LOVE

Jayden Jay Hawkins. 26. November 9th. Single. Eris. Mechanic at Auto Collision and Restoration. "I'm kind of a huge asshole and..."

[jayxhawkins]

JAY HAWKINS | CHERRY BLOSSOM FESTIVAL 2022

[jayxhawkins]

special delivery - @ophelia-clarke​

Jay brushed his hands against the white cloth that practically lived in his pocket. He raised his eyes to see a figure heading towards the front of the garage. He walked over towards them, closing the distance and the closer he got he recognized who it was. He cleared his throat as he moved to lean up against the side of the building. “You just missed him.” He knew the brunette was more than likely here to see her brother than anything else because that was who mainly worked on any car problems she had. He glanced towards her car before looking back at her. “Do you need help with somethin’?”

[jayxhawkins]

noahxclarke​:

Noah nodded his head at Jay’s words as he laid back on his board. He only waited a few moments before Jay returned into view, sliding out from underneath the vehicle. “Yeah, I’ll meet you out front.” He told Jay, allowing him to lock up without being in the way. Stepping outside the shop, Noah leaned against the building, the keys to his truck swinging around his finger as he awaited his co-worker, his friend. “You ready?” Noah questioned as he heard the lock click next to him. “I can drive,” he offered to the other.  “Barnyard or Pit Stop?”

...

Jay nodded his head at the man and turned around. He began the lock up process before walking out of the garage. He pulled the door down and locked it up, dropping the key into his pocket and lifting his eyes up towards the other man. “Yeah, ready to go.” He cleared his throat and walked over towards the truck that was parked out front. “Uh I’ll go to either but Barnyard has been more packed lately it seems so we might have more luck at Pit Stop.”

[jayxhawkins]

chelseamreynolds​:

Chelsea didn’t want to listen to Jay talk about cheating on Abi. Abi didn’t deserve it and if the nature of her and Jay’s relationship hadn’t change the night he’d come over, she wasn’t sure where the two of them would even stand in the first place. But when it came to a one Wren Schneider, she’d thought about Jay’s cheating. “Why did you do it?” She blurted out, genuinely curious. She knew that whatever her and Wren were doing had an expiration date. Chelsea sighed when he asked what she’d been talking about, looking down at the street where her foot would kick a few tiny stones. “Abi saw me coming out of your house one morning. I didn’t want her to know about, y’know, so I didn’t have a very good explanation. I guess–I guess it turns out Abi and a lot of other people who are ‘friends’ with me actually just pitied me after my mom died. And like, it’s not like I can blame her or any of them. I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either.” She huffed softly as she shook her head. “So I’m just sayin’, it doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s me or not. But–up to you.”

...

Jay brushed his tongue along his lower lip, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Same reason you don’t let people in,” the shitty upbringing. His father was an aggressive drug addict with a mother who was non existent. All of those days at school where he got the low comment remarks about his dirty clothing and the way some of his teachers had began to bring him something to eat for lunch. His uncle having to pull him out of that situation when he was twelve but still the imprints lasted. To this day, the man still went to his parents’ house and tried his best to take care of them. He cleaned up the house, cleaned up them and did some other things he wasn’t proud of. Tia had been a walking reminder of his childhood and that night he realized... Abi was much better than the life he would provide her here. All kids ended up like their parents, right? He cleared his throat as he tilted his head down to look at his feet when she started to explain what happened. He furrowed his brows when she made a comment about how Abi and others were only friends with her because her mother died. He lifted his head as he took a step closer to her, pulling his hand out of his pocket and held it out towards her, the gesture was to let her know he wanted to take her arm or her hand or something but didn’t want to make contact because of everything. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Chels. Whatever Abi said out of anger was wrong. You have plenty of people in your life that aren’t friends with you just because your mom died.”

[finncoledaily]

#michaelthinkingheshotshit

[noahxclarkee]

starter for @jayxhawkins​ location: mechanic shop

“You finished up for the night?” Noah asked as he walked back into the garage, wiping his hands on a towel. “I just finished up the last battery change so if you need a hand, let me know.” He had known Jay for a while now, the two of them not only being neighbors but co-workers as well. “Was thinking we could grab a bite to eat and a drink down at The Pit Stop,” he suggested to Jay, “my treat, their wings are on special tonight.” The man was about ten years younger than him, but it hadn’t been that difficult to form a connection to him. Noah considered him a younger brother. 

[jayxhawkins]

Jay turned his head to look over at Noah when he walked into the garage, glancing over towards the car he was sitting in front of. He shrugged. He scooted closer towards the car as he laid back on the board. “I’m checking a few things and then I should be done.” He slid under the car, working on the bottom of it as he listened to what Noah was saying. After a few seconds, he slid out from underneath the car, turning his head to look over at Noah with a smile coming across his features. “That sounds like a great idea. Let me just lock up.”

[jayxhawkins]

blindedtemptation​:

Percy wasn’t sure what kind of test he was being put through, looking over each part under the hood again in case there was something he wasn’t seeing. He was sure Jay already knew what needed to be done, now all he needed to do was not make himself look stupid. “Simple enough fix, just have to pull this out and it should be smooth sailing.” He was talking to himself more than Jay at this point, going over things with himself that he was sure of. His eyes raised as the man walked off, grabbing the replacement as PJ removed the one that was damaged. His hands lifted the new battery, aligning it into place and cleaning the clamps that held it in place before reattaching them. “Want to restart the car?”

...

Jay kept his eyes on the area Percy was working on, staying far enough away to give him some space and close enough to step in if he was in need to. He let his eyes rest on the area, brushing his tongue along his lower lip as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, seems about right.” He said as he walked over to the driver’s side, putting one foot in as he moved his hand onto the keys. He turned the key, listening to the car turn on. He popped his head out, a small smile on his features. “Good job.”

[jayxhawkins]

chelseamreynolds​:

She took a breath and let out a labored sigh. The thoughts this conversation were bringing up were the ones she’d hoped to avoid. But Abi’s words had been chasing her around since the day she’d said them. There was no escape. She listened as Jay admitted it was Tia. She was about to say that she didn’t care who it was, but in fact she realized that did. “Tia? Of all people Jay, it was Tia? Piece of advice, if you care about her at all, you might wanna just let her think it’s me. Do you know about their history?” She questioned. Chelsea didn’t know exactly what happened between the two. But she knew that one day they were friends and one day they were very much not. She didn’t know why she even cared. But instinct of caring about Abi took over. “And you’re kinda late to the party on the whole backlash thing anyway. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. I guess–I guess we were never really friends anyway.” She admitted. Chelsea didn’t really have any friends like Jay. Ones that knew her secret, but also understood what it was like to grow up way too young. She wasn’t used to being the kind of honest with him that she should be when she was rarely even that honest with herself.

...

Jay shoved his hands into his pockets, pressing his lips together. “I don’t know much about their history just that they aren’t friends but I hit a low that night.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really have an excuse for my behavior. I cheated on Abi and ended up coming clean with her about what I did. If it was you, Tia or anyone else in this town. It was my own actions that led me to losing her in the first place so there’s no reason for her to know who exactly it was but I can let her know it wasn’t you.” He furrowed his brows at her words. “What are you talking about?”

[jayxhawkins]

velvctcurtaincalls​:

She glared back at him as he demanded her keys, but reluctantly handed them over to him with an eye roll, “fine,” she conceded as she looked around the empty garage and wondered what kind of life he had grown up in. It was hard to imagine the two came from such different lives, but they did and they still ended up in the same place. She had no regrets about disowning her parents and cutting them off, but she still missed the things she thought were good in their relationship. All she knew now was how to survive without the luxuries she grew up with as best as she could.

Narrowing her eyes, “don’t tell me what to do,” even though she had planned on doing that, but out of principle, refused. She spotted the little couch in the corner of the garage that once was a car bench and made herself comfortable, wrapping her jacket around her body tighter. Looking back at him, “I’ll keep you company, so you’re not sitting in the car alone and cold.” Tucking her legs underneath her, she listened to him as she watched him disappear under the car, “I guess everyone’s parents suck, huh?” Fallbrook was a complicated town, full of mysteries. “Sounds like we have a few things in common: living and Eris and shitty parents,” she mumbled, looking at her fingernails.

...

Jay rolled his eyes at her words as he slid over towards the front of her car, moving back on his stool and sliding himself under the car after he had lifted it up from the ground. “You always gotta talk back?” He asked as he worked on her car, exhaling out as she started to talk about parents. “Yeah, I think all parents are going to suck.” He kept thinking about the connection he had with Dawson and how it was deeper than one he ever felt with his father. It was almost like his connection with his uncle. “But truthfully I wouldn’t be where I am today without my uncle.”

[jayxhawkins]

heavenends​:

“Because they need you there for the moments they can be saved,” He said gently. “You’re not gonna be much help then if you’re burned out, or even worse— hopeless.”

He had seen the pattern enough times. At some point, devotion died out after its abuse. Support became an enabler, and at some point, it only made the fall a hundred times harder after taking so long to finally happen. It was one thing for an addict to be hopeless, another for their support system to be. That created an isolation that he saw so many struggle the hardest to come back from. 

“I’m gonna take him to the hospital. I have to. It’s protocol, especially since we don’t know exactly what he took. It’s the only way to make sure nothing else happens to him.”

...

Jay thought about all the times he tried to pull Tia out of her hole, all the times he had to pull his parents together. Inhaling, the male nodded his head as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip. “Am I doing more harm than good?” He asked quietly, pressing his lips together.

He turned his head to look away from Dawson towards the male on the ground who was breathing and alert of what was going on. “Do you need any help?” He asked, glancing back towards the older man.

[jayxhawkins]

velvctcurtaincalls​:

Melina didn’t want to tell him he was wrong, that being a rich kid from Queen’s Park was as easy as the rest of the town liked to imagine, at least not with her parents. Unfortunately, she was forced to live a life she had no choice in, until she was eighteen, and then it was too late to find her son. He didn’t need to know that, “yeah, you’re right,” she stared back at him, letting him think he had her all figured out, “rich kid from Queen’s park, living in Eris now.” She watched him avoid her gaze as he examined the damage to her car. The only thing good about it was that it ran reliably, but compared to the car she got at sixteen from her parents, it was junk.

Letting out a sharp chuckle, “absolutely,” he was prickly at best, based on their limited interactions in their hometown, but right now, she was surprised by his actions. She shut her mouth as he mentioned bringing home someone from Eris, knowing how right he was about that sentiment. Melina brought Chase home from dinner once, and that was enough for her parents to forbid her from seeing him again. She didn’t listen, but she realized how awful her parents were at that point, and still they proved to her they were worse. “Yeah, they would, which is why I don’t speak to them anymore,” she mumbled, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs. She stopped, “really?” Shaking her head, “you don’t owe me any favors.”

...

Jay lifted his eyes up from the car at her words about living in Eris now, arching his brow up with a slight hint of curiosity but he didn’t even open his mouth to say a single thing. Instead he extended his hand out towards her. “Just give me the keys, Melina.” He knew every single parent that was in this stupid ass town sucked in some manner. Some kids were lucky to have the big family and support parents yet the only example of that kind of family that popped into his head was the Valentines and yet somehow he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in a big family. He thought about the daughter they had around his age and how completely opposite she was from any other person in his life. 

When Melina finally passed him the keys, the male gestured towards the inside of the garage with his chin. “If I were you, I’d go find a seat in there unless you want to sit in the dark and in the cold.” He smirked as he walked around, hopping into the driver’s seat of her car, starting up the car and backing up into the garage. He got out after turning off the car, plopping himself down on the little thing he used to go under the cars. He turned his head to look over his head at her, pressing his lips together. “If it helps I didn’t grow up in a rich part of town and I don’t talk to my parents either.” He muttered, not sure why he even gave her that piece of information.

[jayxhawkins]

abigail-morrison​:

Abigail routinely nodded her head when she was supposed to. She wanted to cry, strike his chest with her anger, yell in frustration, or laugh at how sad and pathetic they both were. It was hard to be around him because she still loved him. She loved Marcos too. And Chelsea. And JT. And all of the people who hurt her and who she hurt in return. Abigail used to think that having a big heart was a good thing, but not anymore. “You’re saying a lot and nothing at the same time, Jayden.” She used to be the only one who could say his entire name without any repercussions and she wanted to test the waters to see if that was still the case. Abigail frowned at what he said. His words felt like cheap excuses. “You had me.” Why did everyone in her life discard her so easily? She knew the conversation would’ve been different has they still been together. She looked at him and met his eyes. She missed him. “I wasn’t happy, Jay.” Not in the way that he meant it with his words and the clear judgment. “But do you expect me to be sad forever?” She was tired of holding so much sadness, shame, and anger inside of her. Abigail tried her best not to hold grudges like her parents and brother would, but it was hard. When she saw Chelsea outside of Jay’s home she snapped. She could feel herself sink into someone who didn’t care anymore that day. Marcos was the only one who softened her up and reminded her of who she was before everything fell apart. Jay was the one who toughened her up. 

...

It was never a lie, the way he had felt about her but it also came with his own demons he had to face. Jay had never been good at connections, relationships or letting anyone in so the fact he was able to keep her close yet so far away throughout their journey wasn’t shocking to him. His head turned to look over at her when she called him Jayden again, wondering why she kept using his full name but chalked it up to seeing if she was still allowed to call him that without getting the repercussions he gave everyone else. He nodded his head at her words, shoving his hands into her words. “I know. Believe me, I know.” he let his blue hues move towards her, finding her dark hues looking back at him. “I don’t expect you to be anything.” He said softly as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip. “I only wanted to give you the answers you deserved so that way you could get the closure you need to move on.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes on her. “It wasn’t Chelsea, by the way.” He thought about what the brunette had told him a few weeks ago about Abigail snapping at her. “Just someone who will never be worth losing you over.”

[jayxhawkins]

astrid-valentine​:

Astrid pulled the lighter from her pocket and flicked it with her thumb, lighting her cigarette before moving it closer to him. She held it there for him to inhale, hold, and release. There. She put the thing back in her pocket and sat down at his side. “Maybe you haven’t been looking.” The answer came easy to her only because she was tired of how often people asked the same question when they all knew she was new already. “I’m on a break. I work over there.” She pointed to the Wildflower Cafe. “What’s your excuse?” She was curious. Not a lot of people went to places like the beach by themselves. 

...

Jay leaned forward as she held the lighter out towards the end of his cigarette. He inhaled the second it was light, reaching up and plucking the stick from between his lisp with his index finger and thumb. Blowing out the spoke, the male kept his blue hues on the blonde in front of him as he tilted his head to the side with a slow smirk coming along his features. “I don’t really pay attention to half the shit that happens in this town so it’s possible,” he muttered as he brought the cigarette back between his lips as he turned his head to look over his shoulder towards the Wildflower Cafe. Ah, so she was a Valentine. He had heard a rumor about new Valentine’s coming into town. “Maybe I like the beach,” the male shrugged as he let his blue hues drift towards her. “Just didn’t want to go to work early so thought I’d come look at the water for a minute.” He ended up confessing a few seconds later.

[ilovefinncole]

Finn Cole

[jayxhawkins]

chelseamreynolds​:

Her arms crossed over her chest as she rolled her eyes at his comment. And yet more than anything she found herself appreciative of his crass words. “Yeah well, I had to try since like you said–I’m avoiding you.” She admitted. There was something so refreshing about talking to someone who really understood priorities when it came to surviving. So as to why she had been avoiding him she couldn’t necessarily pin point with words. But after what happened with Abi, she just didn’t want to be around him. Maybe it was because it reminded her of everything she’d said. Maybe it was because Abi was right and being around Jay forced to realize how much she sucked. Or maybe, a part of her still had hope for a friendship with Abi. So she ignored his pleas for honesty in part because she didn’t have much to say. “Feel like you should know that Abi thinks I’m the one you cheated with. If you want to keep up the lie that’s fine with me, just let me know.”

...

Jay kept his eyes on her when she admitted what he had suspected. His eyebrows furrowing together as he brushed his tongue along his lower lip, mirroring her action as he crossed his arms over his chest because he couldn’t understand if she was avoiding him because he knew about her secret or if something else happened. Truthfully, it felt like for the first time in his shitty existence he was helping someone but when Chelsea cut him off, started jumping into random places to avoid a run in with him he couldn’t help but think about what Dawson said about his need to save people. He parted his lips to say something but when she brought up Abi, his lips closed together. His shoulders fell as his arms dropped from across one another, keeping his gaze on her. “Why does Abi think that?” He asked, wondering why Abi hadn’t called him out on it a few weeks ago when they saw each other. “No.” He swallowed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Uh... It was Tia.” He confessed. “I slept with Tia. You don’t deserve to have the backlash of what I did with her... Not because you were staying at my place after...” He shook his head. “I can’t let you do that.”

[jayxhawkins]

heavenends​:

“That’s a lot to take on,” Dawson said. For a moment, he pictured himself at a similar point in his life. His mother had been the reason he had become entrapped by addiction, from his genetics to his first encounter. She hadn’t just made them available to him, but encouraged him because it meant another person to aid in getting what she needed. In the end, Dawson had figured out that if he wanted to keep breathing, he had to get away from her. “It’s tempting to save everyone, but you can’t save them all at once.”

It was a bold assumption, but Dawson had seen it in enough people to know what that outlook was like. Whether it was for selfish reasons or an instinct he couldn’t ignore, it didn’t matter. People were always trying to save others. 

He reached into his pocket, a text sent out with a soft whoosh as he asked for help regarding Jonathan. He wouldn’t call the ambulance for him now, but he still needed to be seen at a hospital. 

“You can’t save them if you’re drowning,” He added. “Moments like these, they need you and I know you want to stop them from getting here, but sometimes it’s bound to happen. Just make sure you don’t end up alongside them, alright?”

...

Jay kept his hands on Jonathan when Dawson muttered how what the young man was trying to take on was a lot. His eyebrows furrowed together at his words as he dropped his head to look down towards the kid that was laying on the ground in front of him. He knew what lead people to this; the pressures of life, the need to feel better, and no one really ever thought about the consequences of what this did not only to themselves but their loved ones. 

“Why not?” Jay spoke softly. He hated that no matter what Tia did he always crawled back to make sure she was okay. He didn’t blame her for his break up with Abi because it took two to tango and that was something he could easily accept his part in the blame for but it did bug him that Tia didn’t even seem to care about anyone but herself. He knew if the roles had been switched he had a hard time believing that Tia would be half the friend he was trying to be for her.

“Never touched them,” he muttered, talking about the hard drugs that were currently being past away. “The worst habits I got is beer and cigarettes.” He let his eyes drift down towards Jonathan. “What do we do now?”

[jayxhawkins]

blindedtemptation​:

PJ scanned over the car, watching as Jay moved to test out the answer to his question. “No headlights…it’s got to be a battery problem, did anything come undone? We might just have to replace it as a whole.” He ran his fingers through his hair, shifting his body forward to take a closer look under the hood. “Do we have any extra battery’s in stock? 

...

Jay slipped out of the car, moving towards the front of it after PJ confirmed the headlights weren’t working. He crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes drifted towards the inside of the hood. He had already been aware that the battery was in need of replacing but he didn’t mind walking the other man through it. “Nothing came undone. You’re right. We need to replace the battery as a whole.” He walked over towards the supplies, picking up a battery and walking back over, putting it on the table next to them. He gestured towards it, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Go ahead. Replace it.”