In both hands, Gloria

I write fics for aot | Ollie | 19 | struggling Levi and Jean Stan | All of my fics are fem!reader unless stated otherwise :) | Masterlist

[jean-vi]

Masterlist (WIP)

Key: 

(r) - 18+  (a) - Angst (f) - Fluff (au) - Alternate Universe (I will rarely write this. I enjoy using the AOT universe)  (mc) - Major Character Death  (c) - All clear, good for everyone :) 

A/N:

I have sorted these based on the season and general time they take place so you can read what you have watched without spoilers for future seasons.

Levi Ackerman

Season 1:

Lie To Me - Levi x Reader (a) (f) 

Facing the female titan, you find yourself in a sticky position.

A Quoi Bon Dire? - Levi x Reader (a) (f) (mc) 

What could have been

Season 2:

Lie To Me Pt. 2 - Levi x Reader (f) (a)

The unknown label on your relationship causes tension

Season 3:

The Final Season (Parts currently out): 

Jean Kirstein

Season 1:

God Complex - Jean x Reader (f) (a) 

What happens when two people collide in an unexpected way?

Season 2:

Season 3:

The Final Season (Parts currently out):

Another Life - Jean x Reader (f) (a) 

Ice cream leads to a run in with an unexpected visitor

The Volunteer - Jean x Reader (a) (mc)

This choice will have consequences...

Eren Jaeger

Season 1:

Season 2:

Season 3:

The Final Season (Parts currently out):

Armin Arlert

Season 1:

Season 2:

Season 3:

The Final Season (Parts currently out):

Reiner Braun

Season 1:

Season 2:

Season 3:

The Final Season (Parts currently out):

[st4r1ightzz]

[jean-vi]

The Volunteer | Jean x Reader

Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Marley!Reader Inspiration: “No, I’m not afraid to disappear” - I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers Summary: this choice will have consequences. Genre: Rivals (?) to Lovers, One Bed Trope, Angst, Fluff? Warnings: Implied Major Character Death, SPOILERS S4, Non-canon storyline and timeline, map inaccuracies.  WC: 6.3k A/N: DARLINGGG GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM JAIL?!  Other: Masterlist

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[jean-vi]

The Volunteer | Jean x Reader

Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Marley!Reader Inspiration: “No, I’m not afraid to disappear” - I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers Summary: this choice will have consequences. Genre: Rivals (?) to Lovers, One Bed Trope, Angst, Fluff? Warnings: Implied Major Character Death, SPOILERS S4, Non-canon storyline and timeline, map inaccuracies.  WC: 6.3k A/N: DARLINGGG GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM JAIL?!  Other: Masterlist

     Paradis was peace. It was a place where you could be yourself and feel less afraid than before, which was saying a lot considering your drenched skirts. The man before you was nothing more than a rowdy customer who was already rosy with drink despite the early hour. You had taken the early shift this day so that you could explore Paradis without getting the you missed your shift again talk. Honestly, the people in Paradis were nothing like the ones back at home. They were nicer, even when they were leering in your face with slurred words. You were just glad you were alive. 

    “Miss, miss, please, oh please can I have another–” the man groaned and you delightfully plucked the drink from his hands. It was like stealing candy from a baby. 

    “Sir, I think you’ve had just about enough for today,” you chirped happily. The man seemed disgruntled but easily seemed to forget his rage as a buddy slung an arm around him. Soon enough, a merriment filled the air. 

    “Not even noon yet,” Mrs. Wasatch sighed pleasantly as she bustled through and started clearing tables. You jumped in as well, eager to get your duties over with for the day. Mrs. Wasatch was a squat woman with full hips and a wide rib cage. Her dark hair was curled quite fashionably into a bun, the strands falling just right. Mrs. Wasatch helped run the bar and while she had been skeptical of you, Mr. Wasatch was an avid supporter of Eldian refugees from Marley. 

    “You know they never settle, dear,” Mr. Wasatch bustled through the kitchen door and into the dusty bar. The man always wore the same pitch black work boots and broken spectacles. You had offered to get the cracked glass replaced, but the barkeep had refused. 

    “I’m surprised we don’t hear more complaints from the neighbors,” Mrs. Wasatch laughed and you couldn’t help cracking a smile. You swiped at the stains on the tables and kept your eye on the door. If that pesky watch guard of yours showed up, it would be over. Your day of fun would be canceled and you’d be escorted straight back to the camps. 

    “Hun, you must be just itching to go out and enjoy the sun,” Mrs. Wasatch said with a warm smile, “the day is clear, not a cloud in the sky. When I was your age, all I wanted to do was go outside. Of course, the walls mattered a lot more then, so there was never truly any freedom.” 

    “That must have been awful, Mrs. Wasatch,” you hummed, your mind wandering. 

    “It sure was, darling. Probably nothing worse than your situation though.” 

    It was only then that you noticed she’d stopped wiping the tables down and instead was staring intently at you. You hated the pity in her eyes. You’d much prefer the anger of the protesters to this. She reached out and touched your arm, which forced you to keep a pleasant smile on your face. Her touch burned, just like the hands that had touched you before. Everything was always too hot and you felt like you were going to melt. You needed air. You needed to get outside now. 

    “If you ever want to talk about your experience, please, never hesitate to come to me, darling,” Mrs. Wasatch said softly. Then, she dropped her hand, her smile fading as she followed your eyes to the windows, “you may go.” 

    You didn’t need to be told twice. You rushed to the backroom and took off your apron. Then you hurriedly let down your hair and haphazardly combed your fingers through the strands. You breezed past Mr. and Mrs. Wasatch, giving them thankful smiles. 

    “I’ll see you tomorrow!” You called cheerfully as you left the building. You peered carefully around the corner. A sigh of relief. No one was in sight, which meant you were free to explore beyond the walls without a soldier breathing down your back.

    “I can trust you’ll be staying inside Wall Rose?” 

    Dammit. You froze and plastered a wide smile on your face as you turned towards the all too familiar voice. The man kicked off the wall, shaking out his light brown hair. 

    “Jean!” You greeted pleasantly, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

    “You and I both know that’s untrue.” Jean raised an eyebrow and took a hand out of his pockets to grip your shoulder, “don’t even think of running.”

    “Of course, I wasn’t planning on going outside the walls,” you said with gritted teeth. He didn’t seem convinced, which wasn’t surprising. He rubbed his chin and looked at you intently. 

    “Well, if you need to do errands, I would be happy to join you.” 

    You let your smile drop a little and shrugged off his hand. Not every Marley volunteer had a personal guard to watch them, but not every Marleyan volunteer had escaped into the wilderness three times. Now, it wasn’t out of feeling like a prisoner, that you kept leaving, it was more so out of curiosity. This supposedly dangerous island was probably the best thing that had happened to you. 

    “That’s so kind of you, but there’s no need, Jean.” 

    “I insist.” 

    “No I insist.” 

    “I’ll drop the subject if you tell me where you plan to go.” 

    “The market, of course,” you lied. 

    “That’s so funny, I didn’t know there was a market called ‘outside Wall Maria’!” 

    You shot him a frustrated look and he seemed vaguely amused. He then crossed his arms and sighed.

    “Look, I know you’re interested in what’s outside Wall Maria. I think anyone in the Scouts understands that feeling. It’s safer than before, but somehow the Scouts managed to find you in the restricted areas more than once, so there’s no way we can trust you. I’m sorry, but rules are rules now.”

    “That’s big coming from the faction that overthrew the government.” You smiled, but for some reason a darkness filled his eyes. In fact, the look was somewhat saddened or perhaps nostalgic. The afternoon sun was high and bright, falling over his furrowed brows in a delicate shape. His features were accentuated, the shape of his jaw and the way his nose sloped were illuminated in gold. 

    “Well, I’m going to have to follow you either way.” 

    “Romantic. I like that,” you teased, if only to lighten his mood. Jean had this way about him where he’d go from joyful to serious in a blink of an eye. You’d overheard a few of the other scouts say that he’s been a changed man since learning of the outside world. You looked up, breathing in the chirping birds and the wind that whistled through the buildings. You couldn’t imagine living trapped in the walls, in a constant state of fear. 

    So perhaps now you had begun to feel ashamed, for what you had been taught in Marley. Marley. You turned on your heel and made for the gate out of the wall. The sting of betrayal was still fresh. Your mother’s face, her dreadful face, flashed through your mind. 

    Shaking your head, you waved to the guards, who had seen you pass through enough to know your name, and stepped into the unknown. Well, it wasn’t really the unknown. First, it was a series of Marleyan Volunteer camps and then beyond a rickety wooden fence was familiar territory. You wanted to explore beyond that today. Sadly, Jean just had to catch on to your antics. 

    “It’s so funny, Jean, how these old fences keep Marleyan soldiers tame.” You kicked a log and Jean raised an eyebrow. 

    “They understand that they’re not meant to stay here forever, but it looks like someone didn’t get the memo,” he grumbled. 

    “Well, I can’t imagine this old thing keeping me back,” you chuckled. 

    The man sighed and stepped in front of you. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Jean wasn’t just the little angel singing on your shoulder and was instead a breathing human. He took up space in this world. Did you? It was a question you sought to answer on your adventures. You hiked up mountains, felt the cool air hit your face, and climbed trees. You’d danced in open fields and pressed flowers into a notebook. How could anyone take that away from you? 

    “It’s for your safety. Not just from what’s out there, but also for the people who may not be as happy to see a Marley soldier.” His eyebrows furrowed and while you did admit he had handsome features, they certainly weren’t aided by the saddened look on his face. You wanted to take a wipe to it and bring back joking Jean–the one that would allow you to go out. 

    “Come on, just a little exploration? Just a little?” You smiled and pushed him playfully. He groaned. 

    “You’re never going to let up, are you?” 

    “I was never one to back down on my word,” You gave a mock salute and Jean just rolled his eyes. He ran a hand through his pretty brown locks and then stepped aside. 

    “Fine. I’ll go with you, but only to the wall. If I get in trouble for this, you take the fall,” he eyed you apprehensively, but you couldn’t help seeing a small glimmer in his eyes, “and remember, I’m only doing this so I can keep an eye on you.” 

    “Aw, Jean, I thought we were friends,” you laughed and took his arm as he begrudgingly went and got his horse. You went to untie another, but he made a noise of disapproval. You looked up and he was shaking his head. 

    “Like hell am I letting you ride your own horse,” he patted the space behind him, “you’re riding over here.” 

    You frowned, “I won’t run away, I promise.” 

    “I’d feel a lot better if you just rode with me,” he said and you sighed, walking over. Hopping onto the horse, his hand instinctively went back to grip your thigh for a moment. You bit your lip, but didn’t say anything, “hold on,” he said lowly. 

    And then you were off. You held onto his shoulders at first, but gradually let your arms wrap around his waist as you took off into the open fields outside. It was so wonderful. The fresh air and the breeze. The sun. The landscape was gorgeous in the afternoon as the golden rays of light illuminated the grass. 

    “It’s so pretty!” You shouted over the wind and he glanced back. 

    “What?” He called back. You just laughed. You passed a few villages of people slowly rebuilding since the Scouts retook Wall Maria. You didn’t know how long it would take to reach the wall itself. Then you felt Jean tense under your grip and you looked up. A forest of tall trees. You’d seen it from a distance, but all the times you’d gone on foot it just wasn’t really possible to get there. You’d thought of stealing a horse before, but it wasn’t feasible. Too many soldiers around. 

    “What’s wrong?” You shouted, and this time he heard you. 

    “It’s nothing. Just old memories,” he muttered and it seemed to be mostly to himself, but you still caught some of it. You were quiet at his statement. Old memories. You could understand his tenseness now. You shook off your own ghosts. 

    “You’ve been to the forest before? I’ve always been interested,” you tried to prod a bit more, but didn’t want to push it. He didn’t respond for a long time and then shrugged. 

    “Yeah, I’ve been a lot more than I would have liked.” The horse had slowed to a light walk now and you loosened your grip. You opened your mouth to say more, but he interrupted the silence.

    “It’s getting late. We won’t make it to the wall. Let’s go to a nearby town and find a place to stay for the night. We’ll get to the wall tomorrow,” Jean cleared his throat as he spoke and you sighed as he slowed to a halt. You looked up. The sky was indeed becoming a dusky orange and pink. 

    “Let’s go then,” you said and he was quiet, just turning the horse back towards the last village you had seen. 

    As you rode along the fields, you leaned closer to Jean, “tell me more about yourself, mister,” you teased and he seemed to lighten up a bit. 

    “Well, I’m not sure there’s much to say. I think others would call me a leader of sorts.” 

    “More than your suicidal maniac friend?” 

    Jean’s lips lifted into a grin, “I haven’t heard that name in a while,” he then shrugged a little, “I guess. He’s a different kind of person than I am now,” he glanced back at you, “tell me more about yourself, miss. Like how did you end up as a Marley soldier?”

    You paused at his question and you knew he picked up on your hesitation. You tried to cover it up. You laughed a little, “you already know a bunch about me, Jean. I never stop talking, after all.” 

    He scratched his chin at that as you entered the village. There was still a lively murmur in the air as vendors were packing up their stalls and kids were being ushered back home. Jean found a barn where other horses were being kept and you both hopped off. 

    “Not often we get newcomers,” said the man who took your horse. He had on a wide-brimmed hat and he had this long, white, beard, which he stroked thoughtfully. 

    “Just staying for the night,” Jean said politely, “is there an inn?”

    The man hummed to himself for a moment, scratching his chin, “don’t think so.” 

    “Oh, well, then we’ll head to the next town over–” Jean started, shooting you an apologetic smile. You were just watching the whole interaction with much amusement. It was clear that the man knew who Jean was and was more than happy to have such an important member of the Scouts in town. 

    “Wait, wait, you can just stay with my wife and I! We’ve got a spare room that you and the missus can use,” the man smiled, “and we’ve got two kiddos, but they’re no trouble at all.” 

    Jean raised an eyebrow, “oh, no, we’re not–” 

    “We would love that, sir,” you grinned, interrupting Jean and taking a hold on his arm. Jean seem unamused, but he didn’t contest it as you dragged him along, following the man back to his home. 

    “I’m Peter,” the man introduced as you approached a cozy looking home. The house was a little on the outskirts of the town and had two stories. A yellow candle flickered in the windowsill and you could see two children running around in the dining room. 

    “I’m home! I’ve brought two guests with me, just for the night,” Peter announced as he opened the door. His wife was pretty. She had long brown hair and blue eyes. An apron was tied around her waist as she bustled around the kitchen preparing dinner. 

    “Ah, how wonderful!” She smiled happily and you looked over a Jean. For some reason, he had a forlorn expression on his face, which he easily hid when he noticed you looking. 

    “This is my wife, Greta,” Peter said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and taking a few bowls from the cupboards, “come, come, sit, eat.” 

    You introduced yourself and Jean, which they smiled at. Then you sat down, at the behest of Greta. 

    “How did you two stumble upon this here town?” Greta asked as she began to serve dinner. She ladled big portions of hearty potato soup into the bowls and served you and Jean, then her children, and then herself and Peter. Their children were cute. You estimated them to be about nine and ten. 

    “We’re traveling to Wall–” you began and Jean cleared his throat. 

    “My girlfriend wanted to see the forest of giant trees, since it used to be a big tourist destination,” Jean explained easily and you just followed his lead. You knew he was stressed about people finding out you were Marleyan–even if you were Eldian by blood. People had weird ways of drawing lines. 

    “That’s so sweet, but you be careful out there–although you probably don’t need me to tell you that,” Peter coughed, glancing at Jean’s uniform. You smiled and chuckled, nudging Jean to do the same. 

    “Do you have your swords with you?” One of the kids piped up excitedly. 

    “Yeah! Yeah! Can you show us how to slay titans too?” the other shouted. 

    “Settle down boys, settle down,” Peter said gruffly and Greta shook her head. 

    “I apologize for them, they’ve never seen a soldier in person before,” Greta smiled sheepishly and Jean scratched the back of his neck. 

    “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he said. He reached out and ruffled one kid’s hair, “I don’t have my gear on me right now, but I’ll tell you what, I’ll come back soon and show you, okay?” 

    This was met with a chorus of okays. You raised your eyebrow at Jean, but he only met your eyes for one moment. You weren’t sure if he was lying or not, if he’d have time and actually remember. Then he gave a small shrug. Peter and Greta seemed pleased by Jean’s offer and you supposed it was a small price to pay for the graciousness of them sharing their home. 

    “Our town just got some premium wine the other day, you should share some with us,” Peter offered, standing to grab a bottle from the kitchen counter, “just a little glass to end the night?” 

    You were about to accept–you weren’t one to refuse a drink, but Jean intervened. It was unexpected, but he cleared his throat, “actually, we’ve sort of sworn off drinking for now,” he said, feigning sadness. You shot him a confused look, but hid it well as Peter shrugged. 

    “More for me then,” Peter laughed and Greta rolled her eyes. She cleared the table and started ushering the children to bed as Peter got up, “let me show you to your room.” 

    Up the stairs, you and Jean followed Peter. The narrow staircase led to a hallway with three doors. Peter opened the first door on the left. You and Jean peered inside. 

    “It’s not much, but it’s homey,” Peter said with a firm nod. You gave him a small smile. 

    “It’s perfect, thank you, sir,” Jean dipped his head and Peter shot you both a knowing gaze before slipping away to kiss his kids goodnight. 

    Now alone, you got to thoroughly inspect the room. There weren’t any glaring problems with the room except for, well, except for the bed. You saw Jean grimace as he stepped in fully and you nudged him. 

    “Hey, you don’t have to look so upset about sharing a bed with me,” you yawned, going to take a seat on the edge. You looked up at him and he rolled his eyes. 

    “It’s your fault we’re in this mess,” he said, pinching his nose bridge. Then he rubbed his temple, thinking, “I’ll take the floor,” he finally concluded. You stood and walked over to him. You flicked his forehead, making him look at you with surprise. 

    “Took you long enough to come to that conclusion,” you scoffed, “but I don’t think it’s necessary. I’ll just scoot over and it’ll be no problem,” you gestured to the bed. He gave you a funny look and sighed. 

    “It’s unprofessional. I can’t.”

    “And I say you can,” you gave him a disapproving look, “you’re acting like it’ll be the end of the world.” 

    His ears went red and he looked away, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

    “Maybe not, but the Scouts have had worse ideas, don’tcha think?” You grinned fiendishly and while he initially seemed unamused, you did catch a crack of a smile. Jean was so serious, for as long as you knew him, but you’d heard he’d been quite childish once. Maybe it was before all this Marley and Paradis thing started. Well, really it had gone on for centuries, but it was a relatively new part of Jean’s life.

    It had gotten dark and you went over to the window to light the oil lamp. You had slowly been getting used to the ways of Paradis, but you weren’t completely familiar. You hadn’t grown up here and learning to ride a horse had taken a bit of time. Jean watched you fiddle with the lamp and he went to sit on the bed. He wasn’t putting up any more complaints, so that was nice. Truly, you were suggesting you share the bed because you felt bad for dragging him all this way. 

    There was a long silence as you lit the lamp, basking the room in a warm glow. You glanced over at him, his profile. A sharp jaw and stubble complementing brown hair. 

    “Hey,” you called softly, “I can take the floor if you’re really uncomfortable with it.” You walked over to him, lamp in hand, “I’m sorry I dragged you all this way, Jean. I just wanted to have some fun.” 

    He didn’t respond for a long time. Then his eyes slid over to you and he let out a deep breath. You set the lamp down on the nightstand and waited for him to speak.

    “No, no, it’s fine,” he said as he unlaced his boots and tucked them under the bed. You did the same on the other side and then you both lay on top of the covers like two sticks. He was tense and you were being careful to keep the room. You shut your eyes, but you couldn’t sleep with him just laying there, stock-still, next to you. Finally, he broke the silence. 

    “You’re so tense.” There was a teasing lilt to his voice and when you turned your head, opening your eyes, he was staring at you. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. 

    “Can’t sleep,” you mumbled, turning back to look at the ceiling. 

    “And?” 

    You eyed him and rolled onto your side to look at him. He mirrored you. 

    “I don’t know, Jean. Maybe you should bore me to sleep, as per usual,” you huffed. 

    You could tell he wanted to rebuff you, but he just shook his head with exasperation, “fine. I’ll humor you.” He hummed to himself for a moment, thinking, “I’m going to quit drinking.” 

    You raised an eyebrow, “I said boring, Jean,” you then smiled a little, “so you weren’t lying earlier.” 

    He shook his head, “I just think it’s been something I’ve used as a crutch for a while now, but I should really get out of the habit. Too many things happening lately, I need to have a clear head.” 

    You nodded at his words. He was right. God damnit, Jean Kirstein was right. There was another silence and you averted your eyes, tracing the pattern on the wallpaper behind him with your eyes. 

    “You never really told me how you got in this position,” he said and your eyes flicked back to his. His words made your heart clench uneasily. 

    “I don’t know what you mean,” you muttered. 

    “Yes, you do. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just your past, but I doubt it will change what I think of you.” 

    You fixed him with a hard stare for once and he didn’t back down. You let out a breath and rolled onto your back. Your past felt so far away on Paradis, but it wasn’t so long ago that it all happened. You closed your eyes for a moment and then began your story. 

    “My family has been Eldian in Marley for generations now. We were always good Eldians. We never stepped out of line, never talked back. I have a brother and a sister, but they’re a lot younger than me,” you smiled a bit at the thought of them. 

    “You’ve never mentioned them.” Jean said quietly. 

    “Didn’t think it was important,” you shrugged. More like you didn’t want to let anyone know any intimate part of yourself, because that would mean they could hurt you. You’d already been hurt enough. “I was my mother’s favorite. My father was busy trying to support us financially.” 

    You rolled over to look at Jean. To your surprise, he was listening quite intensely, his eyebrows furrowed together. Maybe he could tell that for once you were being truly sincere, that you were telling the whole truth. 

    “The signs were there, but I didn’t want to believe them. My mother started disappearing at night, when she thought no one would notice. But she was my mom, so I always noticed,” you sat up a bit, pulling your knees to your chest. For some reason, recounting your history out loud seemed to bring out this vulnerable side of you, the side that wanted nothing but comfort and love. You didn’t like that. You wanted to be unshakable. 

    You cleared your throat, “and, well, she betrayed us. She joined the rebellion, but she got caught, of course. They threatened to kill our whole family, but I volunteered to join the military instead. And for penance, my siblings will need to join when they are of age as well,” you bit your lip. You couldn’t believe you’d left them. You wondered if they were still alive. 

    “I felt ashamed. I still love my mother, but I hate her for what she did to our family. And then I think I just hate Marley for making things work this way,” you mumbled, burying your face in your knees.

    Things were quiet, but you felt Jean’s eyes on you. And then you felt his hand on your back, “you have every right to feel this way. I hope you can find peace knowing you did the right thing for your family.” 

    You let out a mixture of a laugh and a sigh, “I don’t know if I did. I don’t know if dooming my siblings to a life of serving in the military is any better. I’m just prolonging their death sentence. It’s selfish of me to want to have fun and explore on Paradis while they suffer at home.” 

    Jean nodded a little and pulled your form against his body, enveloping you in his warmth, “You want to know a little secret?” He asked. You nodded silently against his chest, “It’s my job to stop you from wandering off, but secretly I admire you. And I feel encouraged by your energy. It reminds me of all the hopeful Scouts who dared to go beyond the walls in search of freedom. I wish I was still like you. Sometimes, I’m scared to let people in because people in my life seem to die whenever I do.” 

    “You are, Jean, oh gods, you are just like me,” you laughed a little and looked up at him. It felt right to be in his arms, “I can see it in you, sometimes. It’s a flash, but I still see some of the horseface boy that they used to talk about.” 

    His cheeks grew red, “hey, how do you know about that?” he stammered. 

    “I have my ways.” 

    You felt your eyelids growing heavy, “Hey, Jean,” you mumbled, “you’re a really good guy. I hope you know that.” 

    He was quiet as you drifted off to sleep. You heard him reply, but you didn’t register his words at all. 

    The next morning, he was gone. You awoke, bewildered. There was an indent in the shape of him next to you, but you were holding onto nothing. You stumbled out of bed, pulling on your shoes and combing your hands through your hair. 

    “Jean?” You called, testing the waters to see if he was just in the bathroom or something. But no, you didn’t see him or hear him. You cursed under your breath and hurried downstairs. Greta was bustling around the kitchen, preparing breakfast. It smelled delicious, but you didn’t have time to think. You raced to the front door. 

    “Oh, honey, he just left. He said he’d send someone for you, but he needed to leave urgently,” Greta said, but even she seemed to know it was a lie. She gave you a knowingly sad look. You just took deep breaths, chest heaving up and down. It was all reminding you of your mother leaving, your back against the wall as everyone gave you pitying looks. 

    “No, no, he wouldn’t.” you whispered, “no, he was–” you stopped yourself, swallowing, “he was going to take me to the forest of giant trees.” 

    Greta nodded sympathetically, ushering you to sit, “it’s okay dear, these things happen. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you later,” she said reassuringly. She plated you some breakfast, but you politely declined. 

    “Sorry, I just need a moment to think,” you said, out of breath. You felt like you couldn’t breathe properly. It was like the world was closing in. Why did he leave you so suddenly? Was it because you finally opened up? Because he was scared of holding you? Maybe there was something fundamentally and irrevocably wrong with you that caused everyone to leave. 

    “I’ll give you a moment,” Greta murmured softly, swiping her hands on her apron and heading upstairs. 

    The second she left the room, you knew you needed to leave. But how? You stood. You needed to steal one of their horses. You clenched and unclenched your fingers, pacing. Think, think, think. You grabbed the wine from last night and took a swig for encouragement. Then you set it down, wiping your mouth. 

    “Sorry,” you squeaked quietly upstairs. Then you bolted out the door and towards where they kept the horses. Indeed, Jean’s horse was gone. There were two more in the barn and you managed to soothe one enough to let you ride it. You were off not a moment later. You needed Jean to do some real explaining and you were going to kick his ass. 

      But when you got back, they’d assigned you a different guard. Jean was nowhere to be found and you were losing hope of seeing him again. You didn’t know what you’d done to make him so upset, but you wished you knew. 

    After some time had passed, you barely left the bar where you served customers. Mr. and Mrs. Wasatch were growing concerned as your adventurous spirit had dwindled. It made the new guard’s job a lot easier. You just wanted to see Jean again. For the first time in a while, someone had finally made you feel comfortable, and now he had the audacity to rip it away from you? 

    One day, the bar was closing and you were clearing off tables. Mrs. Wasatch was counting the register and Mr. Wasatch was shooing out the stragglers. Then the bell rung, signaling another customer. 

    “We’re closed,” Mrs. Wasatch began, not looking up. But you looked up and saw a swatch of familiar blonde hair. 

    “Niccolo!” You called with a grin. Both Mr. and Mrs. Wasatch looked up. Seeing that you seemed to know the man, they gave a nod of approval. Niccolo stepped in, his usually happy expression shifted to something more serious. You sensed the changed in his attitude and waved him over to you. 

    “It’s been a while, how have you been?” you greeted pleasantly, but Niccolo looked pale, nervous. 

    “Is there somewhere we can talk privately?” Niccolo muttered and you looked behind him at the Wasatches. You then nodded and pulled him into the backroom. 

    “What’s up?” you asked, concern knitting your eyebrows together, “is everything alright, Niccolo? You look…scared.” you reached out, gently steadying him with a hand. He returned the favor, but his grip was deathly tight on your arm. 

    “Have you had any wine?” He inquired quietly, but urgently. 

    You stayed quiet, trying to remember. Then you remembered that morning. The moring after Jean left you. You just averted your eyes as you got the sense this wasn’t the answer he wanted. He could tell. He inhaled sharply and looked at your face. 

    “You need to get out of here. Now.” He ordered, his face growing paler by the minute. 

    “Hold on, Niccolo, tell me what this is all about,” you implored him, now slightly panicked as well. 

    “The wine. It has Zeke’s spinal fluid in it. He wants to turn everyone into goddamn titans when he returns to start the rumbling,” Niccolo hissed and you felt the color drain from your face. Now you could understand what his panic was about. Shit. Shit. Shit. Your eyes must have been wide because Niccolo shook you slightly. 

    “There’s still time to leave.” 

    “I can’t.” 

    “What?”

    “I can’t leave. I still have things to finish up here,” You repeated. 

    “Like what? Talking to that guard? Yeah, everyone knows about you and your guard,” he scoffed, “come on, he hasn’t tried to reach out to you–”

    “He’s just scared,” you bit back fiercely, “he’s just scared of commitment. He’ll come back.” 

    Niccolo’s gaze dropped and he deflated, “I can’t stop you. Just know it’s not the right choice.” 

    But maybe Jean was always the right choice. 

      He didn’t show. He didn’t show when the wine poisoning had been revealed. He didn’t show when you got your armband. You felt like you were being branded again. You just stared. Mr. and Mrs. Wasatch had given you time off as you waited around for the inevitability of your demise. It was a pointless existence. And so you were determined to find Jean. 

    Early one morning, you packed your things and left, bidding a quiet goodbye to the lovely couple who had taken you in. They had, by some miracle, not had a single drop of the wine. 

    It took you a while to find Jean and when you did, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You couldn’t just confront him. It didn’t feel right. And suddenly you felt foolish for following him still. But he was right there. He was standing, talking to his friends, laughing. 

    You watched for a moment, then you slinked off, finding an inn to stay in for the next few nights. You knew tensions were rising, you just didn’t know what they would end up amounting to. The volunteers were never told much, not even as much as the citizens. The citizens barely knew anything either. You just knew some were behind Eren Jaeger and others weren’t. You were on Jean’s side though. 

    It took another day until you found Jean again. This time, he was alone. It was getting late at night and you were following him, being indecisive of whether to approach him or not. You kept your eyes on the ground, thinking, as you walked. And then you looked up, the cloak around your shoulders swaying a little .

    Dammit. You lost him. And then you felt a breath near your ear and his presence behind you. 

    “Why are you following me?” he said lowly. 

    You turned and his expression softened. He stepped back, “why are you here?” he asked quietly, “how?” 

    You had so much you wanted to say. So much. But the first stupid thing that fell out of your lips was, “you left me.” and it sounded like a kid crying out for their mother. His eyebrows furrowed and he pulled you close to him, but you pushed him back. 

    “Why did you leave me?” You demanded, your voice hushed fury. 

    Jean stared at you for a moment and then he averted his gaze. He had the decency to look guilty, “honestly, I don’t know. I woke up and I just, I needed to go.” 

    “You just don’t like me,” you said flatly and he shook his head. 

    “No, no, it’s not like that at all. I…I think I like you too much. I was scared it would eat me alive and you would leave soon anyway. You have a family back home,” he said softly. You bit your lip. 

    “I believe you, Jean. I really liked you too,” your hand moved up under your cloak to cover the armband that gave away your poisoned status. 

    “Liked?” he whispered. 

    “Yeah.” you turned away.

    “Wait, surely you didn’t travel all this way to just tell me that,” he said, reaching out and grasping your cloak. You pulled away harder. 

    “Maybe I did,” you bit back. You weren’t a violent creature, you didn’t know why you were lashing out at him. The cloak slipped off your shoulders into his hands. You both froze. You both froze because you both saw it at the same time.

    You reached up, quickly covering your arm, “hey, you don’t drink, right, Jean?” you asked lightly, barely turning to look back at him. But you saw his drained expression. 

    “I–”

    “Good.” You whispered. 

    “When did it happen?” 

    “The morning you left. I took a swig for courage, how else?” you murmured. 

    “I’m sorry.” 

    “It’s too late, Jean. I think you just need to let this go. I need to let this go.” 

    “We were never anything at all,” he said, defeat tinging his words. 

    “Maybe that’s the worst part of all.” You turned fully then and cupped his face in your hands, “don’t dwell on a Marley traitor.” 

    “How could I not?” he leaned down, but you dodged his kiss. 

    “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” you sighed. 

    “Do you want this?” he asked and you hesitated. 

    “Yes, I do. More than anything. But I–” 

    And he leaned in again, his lips pressing against yours with a needy passion. The kiss of someone who had no time, but he was stretching it as far as he could. You returned the kiss with equal passion and when you pulled away, out of breath, cheeks rosy, he grinned. It was a smile that quickly slipped away when you stepped back. 

    “Bye, Jean.” 

    “Don’t go.” 

    You clenched your hands, “I’m sorry.” 

    And then you were gone. 

Fin.

[jean-vi]

I am writing I swear

[robynnnhooddd]

hiii i know this might be a lot to ask for but do u have any jean kirstein x reader fic recs?? i read a couple of your fics and they seem amazing i was wondering if you had any other fics that you liked... you totally don't have to answer this.... thanks! ❤️❤️

Hi! First of all, thank you so much for appreciating my work! ✨️ It's not a lot to ask at all! I actually enjoyed compiling my fave Jean fics so far 💖

I categorized them into three: ☁️ for fluff, 🌩 for angst, and 🔥 for spicy. Hope you enjoy the works of these amazing authors!

Disclaimer: I do not recall the genders of the reader used in these fics, but these are all either fem!reader or gn!reader.

Jean Kirschtein Fic Recs

☁️

(Untitled) @aotimagines https://www.tumblr.com/aotimagines/165127419239/could-you-do-a-jeanxreader-scenario-where-the

(Untitled) @aotimagines https://www.tumblr.com/aotimagines/160345377765/could-i-request-jean-and-his-so-out-in-trost-on-a

"Belonging" by @firefly--bright "Botany, baby" by @firefly--bright "I Like You A Little" by @sanb3rry "Cuddle Me, *ssh*le!" by @colorseeingchick "Recruitment at Sunset" by @kinda-thoughtless-critic "Broken bones" by @luna-eclipse2000 "Sweet Creature" by @damn-stark "God Complex" by @jean-vi

🌩

"Nightmares" by @coloredsolos "Nightmares II" by @coloredsoloss "Silly Little You" by @beanbings-things "Ash Brown" by @dolcezzzza

🔥

"So Damn Cute" by @bananami "It's What Rivals Do" by @awkatsukis

"Make Me Warm" (3-part series) by @mangohedgehog Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

(Untitled) by @aotimagines "Are You Still Mad" by @damn-stark "Please?" by @hajisbunny "Hate You So Much" by @fandomvariousness

[jean-vi]

I’m extremely flattered! Thank you so much for reading my fic 🥹❤️

[jean-vi]

God Complex | Jean x Reader

Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Reader Inspiration:  “I never got to tell her how I feel about her.” - Jean Kirstein, The Battle for Trost Summary: What happens when two people collide in an unexpected way? Genre: Rivals to Lovers, Angst, Fluff Warnings: Violence, Blood, Swearing, SPOILERS S1 WC: 5.1K A/N: I am in love with Jean Kirstein.  Other: Masterlist

    “Hey, focus, or are you too busy staring at my beautiful hair?” You teased, tugging a strand alluringly. The boy in front of you blushed and then furrowed his eyebrows. He was handsome, you’d give him that. 

    “I am focused,” Jean hissed, “you are completely insufferable, but your tricks don’t work on me.” 

    You grinned and lowered yourself into a fighting stance. You gestured to him to move. 

    “Come on then, show me what you’re made of.” 

    The dusty training grounds for hand to hand combat were a good place to make enemies, and boy, you had wanted to wipe the smug grin off Jean Kirstein’s face for months now. Honestly, you couldn’t care less about hand to hand combat or learning how to fight other people, you just wanted to prove that you were better than Jean. Coming from inside of Wall Sina, you weren’t that accustomed to getting messy. Your family was well off, your mother a devout follower of the walls. 

    Still, you joined the military. You yearned to be a soldier, to prove that you were more than fancy gowns and jewels. Thus, it had instantly rubbed you the wrong way when Jean had commented on your all too styled hair or the fact that your hands remained callous free. 

    The callouses were forming, but they were small, and your body ached every day. It didn’t matter, though, because you knew you were tough. You were a fighter. Now, with the day becoming an orange hue on the horizon, you would show Jean just what a fighter you were. 

    You had observed Annie a few times, and even though you weren’t particularly good at anything when you first conscripted, you picked up things fast. Perhaps it was an excellent mimicry ability, but you liked to observe. 

    “You really think you’re all that, huh?” Jean laughed, “you’re going to eat shit.” 

    He lunged forward and you took a step back, watching his momentum carry him past you. Then, you shoved him forward. He face planted, but to your dismay, he got up with a smile. You felt Annie watching you carefully. 

    “Nice one, but can you take this?” He charged again, and you prepared yourself, except he stepped to the side suddenly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and threw you to the dirt. Your back hit the hard ground the air flew from your lungs. You wheezed uncomfortably and just lay in the dirt for a moment, trying to catch your breath. Okay, he’d got you there, but that must be a fluke, right? 

    You took a deep, shuddering, breath in as he laughed and rolled onto his feet. His brown hair was waving in the wind and he bent down, offering his hand. You looked away, face burning. You wouldn’t accept defeat like this. Your eyes trailed to the surrounding recruits. All of these recruits thought their lives were important, you were no different. Your life didn’t feel insignificant or something worth wasting. You were exactly like everybody else by feeling like nobody else. You grasped his hand and gripped tightly. 

    “Hey, you’re gonna take off some fingers if you do that,” Jean started, but as you stood, you kicked his legs out from under him. You pushed yourself to your feet, your uniform now beyond dirty, and swiped some loose specks off your pants. 

   “Never let your guard down,” you whispered. It was pathetic, even you could see that. It was like a last ditch effort for a struggling animal. This was all a matter of pride, really. You refused to back down and you refused to lose to Jean Kirstein. 

    “That was cheap,” he muttered unhappily, getting back onto his feet. He rubbed his neck and walked away. You were bored, but it seemed that Jean didn’t really care about fighting anyone else either. You watched him stumble around, still groaning about his back if someone came up to him. He seemed fine to you. 

    “You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t provoke that suicidal maniac,” you grinned as he nursed his bruising cheek. 

    “He started it,” Jean grumbled as you leaned against his bunk beds frame. 

    “And you continued it, idiot,” you rolled your eyes and pushed off the frame and headed for the door. You’d helped him to his quarters after his little skirmish with Eren, and he hadn’t complained. Then the second you sat him down, he had the audacity to say that you didn’t need to help him, as if he wasn’t swaying on his feet. Jean was still your comrade in arms and though you had a deep seated dislike of the man, he did earn your sympathy with that pathetic fight. 

    “Why do you even care,” he said through gritted teeth. He was looking down and you couldn’t tell if it was because he was embarrassed, ashamed, or angry. His hand rested on his forehead, the other was clenched in a fist. You widened your eyes and turned around. 

    “I don’t care, Jean,” you began and took a step towards the man with a wide smile, “I just wanted to make sure you were actually injured. It serves you right. Maybe you should have used the techniques I showed you.” 

    You could recognize Annie’s moves anywhere and the fact that Eren used them showed that he actually payed attention. So what of Jean? How pitiful. Was he really so full of himself that he thought he could win? 

    “How are you so naturally gifted then, huh?” 

    “I worked at it,” you looked at your nails and then crouched next to him. His eyes trailed you, “I know that even though I have many comrades in arms now, any of them could easily become my enemy. You should understand that.” 

    “They would never be our enemies,” Jean sat up fully and looked at you, rolling his shoulders and staring at you incredulously. Your smile widened. 

    “Sure thing, Jean, but I already have an enemy with a major God complex.” 

    You headed for the door and paused at the door as he began to laugh, “I have the god complex? You are far worse than I am.” 

    Tch. Your teeth grinded together and you tightened your fingers around the door handle, trying to decide if you should respond. Well, fine, you’d play the villain if he wanted you to. You left without another word. You’d always been a pretty decisive person, and strong-willed at that. 

    When you stepped outside, Annie was leaned against the wall beside the door. You and her weren’t exactly close, but you’d gained mutual respect. 

    “Do I have a god complex?” You asked Annie. She looked away and began to walk across the dirt. 

    “I don’t care,” she said softly and you frowned as she retreated across the yard to her cabin. Well, it was your cabin too, but you didn’t feel like going to bed yet. The torches illuminated the dirt and the sky above was clear. You could see every star, where the moon cut through the night, bathing the world in an eerie luminescence. You wanted to savor this moment, even though your stomach was churning after your conversation with Jean. 

    Were you a bad person? Maybe. Did you care what Jean Kirstein had to say? Absolutely not. 

    “Can you believe we’re graduating today?” Sasha smiled her usual sunny smile and you grinned. 

    “It’s hard to believe, Sasha,” you chuckled. You tapped your foot against the wall. It was such a beautiful day, a perfect day to graduate. Standing atop the wall, you could see all of Trost. The walls were cramped, when you were inside them, but being able to stand on them gave you sweeping, panoramic views. How could you ever return to your life of sitting in dining rooms and going to dances? You just couldn’t. 

    “Are you going to join the Military Police?” Annie interrupted Sasha and yours conversation. You didn’t mind, though, Annie never spoke. 

    “Uh, you know, I was thinking of just joining Garrison.” Yes, the soldiers who got to stand on the walls, to fortify the great walls that kept humanity safe. You couldn’t think of a more noble task. 

   “Why?” Annie asked, her cold blue eyes looking you over, her head tilted. 

    “Hey, it’s okay to not join the MPs, although I don’t understand why you wouldn’t…” Sasha whispered.

    “I don’t want to be safe,” you sighed, “I want to make a difference.”

    “Oh, how heroic.” You knew that voice. A grating on your ears. 

    “Kirstein, I don’t recall this conversation involving you,” you said lightly, a bite coming through your voice. 

    “You know,” he continued, ignoring your remark, “nothing ever happens in Garrison anyway. If you really want to be heroic and all that, make a difference, why don’t you just join the scouts?” He had this shit-eating grin on his face and your fingers curled into fists. 

    “Okay, enough, you two,” Sasha sighed and tried to step between you two, but she couldn’t stop the fire now. Annie seemed to grow bored and left, leaving Sasha alone with two cannons ready to explode. 

    “Horse face,” you shot.

    “God complex,” he responded just as easily.

    “I don’t even have one. I literally want to help other people,” you argued.

    “Ego maniac?” 

    “You are insufferable. I can’t believe you’re my comrade.” 

    “Have you ever considered,” he peered into your eyes with a cold gaze, “that you’re just telling yourself you have to put up with me because I’m your comrade, but you actually like me?” 

    Your cheeks began to redden and he backed away, shoving his hands into his pockets. He had a knowing look on his face. 

    “Don’t you want to go back to your little, comfortable, life inside the walls? Most people here would envy you if they found out what I know,” he whispered. 

    “More like I’d find myself suddenly in good company,” you eyed the other recruits, “you know, maybe I will join the Scouts.” 

    “You’d throw away your life over a silly remark? You know, I thought you were smarter than that, but go ahead and join the suicidal maniac.” 

    “Happily,” you said through gritted teeth, your jaw grinding. 

    Jean was staring at you, but it wasn’t cold or defiant. You couldn’t quite place it. His stare was softer and something foreign, something warmer. He looked you over and then glanced away. 

    In a quieter voice, he murmured, “don’t join the Scouts. I was just kidding.” Maybe it was because he knew you’d do it. You weren’t one to joke around and never do what you promised. 

    “Fine. I’ll think about it,” you said, triumphant with what appeared to be him backing down from the fight. Victorious. 

    “Guys,” Sasha walked towards the group and you two followed her. Reloading cannons and polishing equipment did get quite boring, “look what I got,” she pulled out a slab of meat and gave a dopey smile. 

    Your mouth watered at the sight of the meat. The smell itself just intoxicating. 

    “I stole it from the officer’s storehouse,” she said as if it was nothing, “we can eat it after we’re done with this! We can just grow more cattle once we reclaim our lands.” 

    “Sasha…” you started and then closed your eyes, “I want some!” 

    Jean stared at you with horror, “I don’t know if this is a good idea–”

    “Please let me have some too!” Conny shouted and soon everyone was joining in. 

    “Okay, fine,” Jean clenched his jaw and then smiled, “I would like a piece as well!” 

    You chuckled and, seeing the group coming together, you felt as though perhaps you’d never need to use that hand to hand combat. These people weren’t your enemies, just as Jean had said. Maybe, just maybe, you’d get through it together. These people, the walls. Just you and your comrades. You had a sense of responsibility, but when were you ever just a kid? These people made you feel like a kid again. The joking and the screams of joy. You watched Sasha place the meat in a box and you all started to return to your jobs, cleaning with vigor. 

    A thunderous crack. A flash of light. 

    Trainees, really? The military was so desperate that they would use trainees? You jumped off the roof and onto the next, watching to titans pile into Trost. The people. The people. It was a massacre like you’d never seen before. There was so much blood. The liquid just bathed the streets and there wasn’t a single stone without a speck of iron red on it. 

    You sat down and contemplated your options. You were going to die here, right? In every attack in history, that you could think of, there was always the immediate reaction, the one that caused the most deaths. Then there was the planned reaction where things were actually solved. 

    So why did you have to get caught up in the immediate reaction? You clenched your swords. You’d killed plenty of titan dummies. The real thing was so much harder. You couldn’t even bring yourself to raise a sword against them without shaking. 

    They moved, they were unpredictable. Maybe this was humanity’s punishment. 

    “Fuck!” You held your head, a headache quickly overtaking your mind. There was too much to think about, too much mental pain. 

    So you needed to shut it off. You and the rest of your group from the wall were separated now. Your squad was gone. It was only you. You’d have time to mourn them later. Their pained screams were ringing through your mind, but you needed to pull yourself together. 

    “Alright, you’ve got this,” you whispered furiously and gripped your blades tighter. You shut off that fear response, instead coming to the resolve that this would be the battlefield you died on. You no longer cared for your life, you’d run in, foolishly. 

    A scream, a familiar voice. For some reason it had your heart racing, as if it could pound any harder than it already was. You rushed to the other side of the building and saw Jean, grasped in a titan’s hand. Your eyes widened, standing there stupidly as he met your eyes. 

   “Help me!” He screeched and it kicked you into action. 

    You jumped off the roof, latching onto the titan’s nape. A deep, spurting, wound. The titan fell. Your blades had dug deep. You’d been one of the more consistent and efficient slayers of the recruits. You were just glad you’d snapped out of whatever daze came with watching your comrades get eaten. 

    As the titan fell, an ugly little one, you hooked your arm under Jean’s armpit and pulled him to a nearby roof. You dropped him unceremoniously and you took in deep, heaving breaths. 

    “Oh, I’m going to be sick,” you covered your mouth. Your fear was turning into nausea, but you refused to lose your lunch. You stood, your hands resting on your knees. Jean was sitting, dumbfounded on his ass. 

    “At least save it for when I’m not around,” he tried to tease, but the paleness in both of your faces completely threw off any attempt of joking. He was looking at his hands and you were looking at yours. Both were shaking. 

    “Hey, argue with me, dumbass,” he finally said, “tell me what I did was stupid or something.” 

    You didn’t have the energy, instead leaning against the chimney on the roof. The tiles were absolutely wrecked and you could hear the faint screams of people nearby. You just shook your head and closed your eyes, looking up to the sky. He watched you and then stood, walking towards you. 

    “Oi, did you hear me?”

    “No energy, Jean. Can you just quit it?” 

    “No, say something stupid again,” he demanded, “pretend we’re back in bootcamp.”

    “But we’re not in boot camp, Jean.” You opened your eyes drowsily and saw his looming figure. 

    “Yes, you are,” he insisted and he held out his hand. You gently batted it away. The adrenaline was leaving your body and you had no strength to even think of standing. Every part of you was sore and your wrist hurt. 

    “You’re fucking dumb, Kirstein. You go and get yourself caught by a titan and drag me into this mess,” you finally grumbled, but it didn’t have the effect you expected. He smiled widely and you grasped his hand, heaving yourself up. 

   “You’re right,” he said, “don’t let it get to your head, though.” 

    You found yourself grinning now too. You tightened your grip on his hand and nodded, “oh I definitely am.” 

    “We need your help over on the west side! The people aren’t evacuating fast enough.” A soldier screamed. Another came over the other building. 

    “And on the south side titans are all over us,” the other soldier panted. They both stopped and saw the two of you, “is it just you guys left?” 

    “Well, I got separated from my squad and…” Jean trailed off and looked to you. You had a grim look on your face. 

    “My entire squad has fallen. I’m the only one left,” you said lowly. The soldiers looked at each other and then nodded. 

    “We’ll take one each. We need all the help we can get.” The south soldier commanded and you looked at Jean. The only person you knew was a person you couldn’t stand, but now he was someone familiar. In an environment like this, who would notice if you died? It was nice to see a face you recognized. Fuck. You didn’t want to separate, but you had your duties. 

    “I’ll go south,” you announced and put your hand on Jean’s shoulder. He looked conflicted as well, “you go west,” you commanded. 

    “But the titans–” he hesitated, “I’ll go to the south.” 

    “No,” you said harshly, “you’ve already shown you can’t handle yourself. I saved your ass. I can turn off this little part in my brain,” you gestured to your head, “that makes me afraid. You clearly can’t,” you wanted to save him once more, if selfishly, “I didn’t spend all my effort saving you just for you to go die again. Now shut up and listen,” you gripped his shoulder tighter as he stared at you in horror, “I’m not trying to discredit you here, Jean, but don’t you trust me?” 

    He closed his eyes in thought and then let out a deep breath. He pulled your hand off his shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze, which you tried your best not to react to. The man brushed his hand through his hair and then chuckled. 

    “There’s no one I’d trust more,” he finally relented and you wished you didn’t have to part. Maybe, after facing death, you two could truly see eye to eye. In the eyes of death, it didn’t matter who you were, your status, how you led your life. Death took all. 

    “Don’t forget about me, okay, Jean?” You smiled softly and crossed by him to follow the south side soldier. Even though you were shaking at the thought of being thrown back into battle, you refused to let Jean die. 

    “You won’t let me, when I see you again,” he frowned, but you both knew the likelihood of coming back alive from the southern side of Trost was a very small chance. 

    “Of course,” you assured and hopped off the roof, zipping from roof to roof, dodging titan after titan. His figure grew smaller behind you and then disappeared as he went to fulfill his duty. 

    Jean himself hadn’t been able to figure out why he entertained your teasing, but he solved it as he watched you go. 

    “I never got to tell her how I feel about her,” he finally murmured. 

    Your wrist was really starting to hurt. After slaying two titans, you were already worn out. You had no idea how Mikasa did it. She seemed to kill them effortlessly and she never seemed to tire. You wished you had that stamina, but that life wasn’t for you. You were destined to be tired, to be worn down, to be a human. You flexed your wrist and winced. You knew that if you dropped your swords now and let the adrenaline leave you, that you’d never get back up. You were beyond exhaustion. 

    You saw another titan and you glanced at your gear. You tapped the tanks on your ODM gear. Almost empty. You could kill this titan, but what of the two not three blocks away? You brushed strands of hair out of your face. Where was everyone? You looked around, desperately trying to find any of the members of the squad you had just joined. No, there was no one. 

    “Guys?” You called out, “come on, you can’t all be dead,” your voice began to shake. 

    Dread was looming over you. Yes, you had your duty as a soldier, you followed orders to a tee, but you couldn’t believe this feeling that was crawling up your gut. Regret. You took a deep breath in and once again focused on the task at hand. You refused to die with regrets. 

    You pulled the trigger and sunk your swords deep into the titan’s nape. Then you turned around the see the other two titans approaching, ever closer. Your hope was waning as time passed. You were basically out of gas now. Where were the suppliers? You glanced towards HQ and felt your stomach drop. Titans were crawling all over the building. 

    You held your wrist, suddenly letting out a small screech of pain. God, it just hurt so bad. You hoped it was a sprain and that was all. You were pretty close to HQ, but there was no way in hell that you would get through with all those titans. You jumped to the rooftop next to your building, trying to put more distance between you and the two titans behind. 

    “Think, think,” you whispered furiously to yourself, once again. There was no way you survived this, right? 

    Then, like hope reincarnated, you saw Jean. He was leading a group of other recruits. They were headed for HQ. Your eyes widened. There was no way. They’d all die, right? This must be some sick joke, like a suicide charge. 

    “Wait, don’t–” your voice was so meek. Your mouth was tired of speaking, your throat was dry. You coughed. 

    A scream. A titan? You stumbled backwards. Just out of thin air, a huge titan had appeared, it looked unlike the other titans and it crouched into a fighting stance. There was something so uniquely…human about that titan. What was even stranger, was that the titan began to fight the others. You were stunned. While you were standing there dumbly, you saw Jean take the opportunity. Okay, it was time to act too. 

    You jumped and prayed you had enough gas left as you followed his lead. Damn, you couldn’t believe you were following Jean Kirstein. You did have to admit he had good instincts. He saw the opportunity, he took it. That was a good moment of leadership, you’d give him that. 

    You crashed through the window of the building, feeling the glass slice across your cheek. Oh well, just a little inconvenience, but when you finally had caught your breath, Jean was watching you with wide eyes. 

    “You worried or something?” You barked as his eyes caught the cut on your face. 

    “Not at all.” He turned away and walked towards the common area of the building. 

    “You guys understand the plan?” Armin looked between all the recruits, “it’s…not that well polished, but–”

   “But it’s the best we got,” Jean affirmed and Armin looked away sheepishly. 

    “I don’t want anyone to get hurt, okay?” the blonde boy said. 

    “Hurt is inevitable, that’s what we signed up for,” you stated plainly, “we’ve all seen enough comrades die to fulfill a lifetime at this point. I doubt another would hurt any worse.” but you caught Jean watching you intently, his mouth a twisted frown. 

    “There are some people that I wouldn’t like to lose,” Jean spoke up, “so I think it would be painful, but you’re right,” he clenched his hands, “there’s no helping it.” 

    You tilted your head as the others walked away to start putting the plan into motion. 

    “What was that about, Jean?” You demanded as you readied your gear. Being one of the better titan slayers in the group, you were going to join the smaller group of cadets to help kill the titans below. Your wrist was a low pounding in the back of your mind. Right, you needed to kill this last one before your wrist got too much worse. 

    “I think you should just go with the others in the lift. We’ll get Sasha to take your place,” Jean started and you furrowed your eyebrows. 

    “What’s gotten into you?” You frowned, “you know I’m one of the best and I somehow survived until now. I thought you trusted me?” 

    “I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” he grasped your arm and you couldn’t help a hiss as he touched your wrist. His eyes widened, “you’re injured too. Don’t be idiotic!” 

    “I’m always idiotic, dumbass,” you shot back, but with less fire. 

    “Why are we even arguing?” Jean sighed, “Our friends have died and this is all we can do? This might be our best shot. I can’t lose another person, please just go with the others.” 

    “No,” you pushed back and ripped your arm out his grasp, despite the pain. 

    “Quit being so stubborn. It’s like you don’t even care what I have to say. Just listen to me.” 

    You suddenly reached out and grasped his hand, carefully holding it. He hesitated. 

    “I like arguing with you, Jean. It makes me feel human and alive,” you tilted your head, “And I wouldn’t argue if I didn’t care about what you had to say,” you pulled out the last of your swords, “see you, Jean.”

    “Hold.” Marco was shaking, like everyone else in the lift. You crouched on a beam, ready. You felt sorry for them. Everyone was shaking like a leaf, but they remained firm. If you all died here, at least you’d go down together. No, you wouldn’t let them down. 

    The titans moved forward, their eyes pressing right up to the barrels of the guns. A few people whimpered in fear. You took a deep breath in, calming the nerves in your stomach. If you missed, you’d probably die and so would others. You had to make it. Marco held the signal to fire until the titans were less than an inch away. 

    Bang! 

    Shot upon shot was fired into the titans’ eyes, blinding them. 

    “Now!” Someone screamed, but you were too nervous out of your mind to even care who. 

    You jumped up and ran until you were directly above your target titan. With all your strength, you let yourself fall towards its nape, slicing down decisively. Then, right as your sword was about to hit its nape, the pain in your wrist exploded like fireworks. You let out a screech of pain as you instinctively dropped the sword in your injured hand, leaving a single scratch mark on the beast’s nape. You were blinded with pain, the world spinning as you fell back. You’d left one sword in the beast and the other was clutch in your uninjured hand. 

    “Y/N missed!” Reiner shouted and you backed away from the creature that was now headed straight for you. 

    No, this wasn’t how it ended, right? You didn’t just fail completely, right? You felt your throat close up and for once, you let the fear course through your veins, you couldn’t stop it. Everything that was built up suddenly released in a wave of nauseous fear. Sure, you’d been a bit overconfident, but you didn’t deserve to die like this. 

    “No, no, no,” you dove out of the way as it lunged, with its huge hands swiping at you. 

    Then, right as you were on the verge of a decisive end, a person swooped down and sliced the beast. You took in a shuddering breath as you watched the titan fall to the side. You looked up to thank your savior, but the moment was instantly ruined upon seeing who it was. He was taking in heaving breaths as well, his eyes wide as he stared at you. 

    “I told you that you were too injured,” he panted. You gingerly stood from your place on the floor, caressing your wrist. 

    “I expected to see your smug horseface staring at me,” you tried to joke, but you’d now both seen death on your doorstep twice. 

    Jean nodded a little and then sheathed his swords. He held out his hand and you stared, confused. He tilted his head.

    “We’re even now,” he said lightly. 

    He headed to the gas canisters and began to refill his tanks. You followed him, at a loss for words. You watched as he went about replenishing his gear, but you couldn’t focus. You had this feeling in your gut, a sinking feeling, and you wondered if he felt it too. 

    “Jean, wait,” you suddenly grasped his arm when he was done. He looked caught off guard and raised an eyebrow, “don’t you dare get separated from me again. You’ll get yourself killed.” Was all you could muster, despite the word vomit threatening to come out–like how he suddenly and mysteriously made you feel comfort in a world as cruel as this one. 

    “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he looked you up and down and smiled, “never thought I’d see you worried about me.”

    “Don’t get too comfortable, I’m more concerned about your health and safety,” you stammered, “as a comrade, of course.” 

    He had a cocky grin on his face, but it didn’t piss you off like it usually did. He took a step towards you and you found it quite hard to swallow all of a sudden. This wasn’t anything like basic training, where you easily threw him to the dirt time after time. Now, he had the power and you were busy feeling injured and ashamed that you let down the others. Jean leaned down, his nose brushing yours and your cheeks were red immediately. 

    “I’m perfectly comfortable here, are you?” He whispered fiendishly. You pushed him off a little because everything was becoming hot. Your hands were sweating and the room felt like it had become at least ten degrees warmer. 

    “Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?” You tried to bite back stubbornly, but your words were falling off. Then you smiled. You were going to take control now. You pushed back towards him, leaning in and looking up with wide eyes, “if you’re so comfortable, why don’t you just kiss me already, idiot?” 

    He grabbed your jacket and pulled you into a deep kiss, “how about that for comfort?” 

    You pulled away with a grin, “yeah, that’s pretty damn good for a dumbass.”

to be continued...?

[bangzchan]

to YOU he’s just a dude but to me, he.. well he’s just a dude to me as well but i am mentally unstable

[jean-vi]

A Quoi Bon Dire? | Levi x Reader

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Inspiration:  “There was something 'bout you that now I can't remember / It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender / And I miss you on a train, I miss you in the morning / I never know what to think about” - About You by The 1975 Summary: What could have been. Genre: Angst, fluff (?) Warnings: Major Character Death, takes place in Season 1, but no specific spoilers. WC: 3.6K A/N: What good is there to say? Other: Masterlist

    Levi didn’t like to fall asleep. To fall asleep meant that he had to dwell on years past, people who’d passed. So instead he busied himself with work. He’d file papers, clean his room for the fifth time, restlessly pace, anything to keep his mind off things. Then, once he’d completely tired himself, he’d sit in a chair and sleep. The nature of this schedule meant that he never had to address the things he’d lost. 

    This night wasn’t unusual. He was busy filing away his papers when he spotted a crumpled piece of paper in the corning of his drawer. Of course, he was confused. He didn’t leave stray pieces of paper around usually. 

    The man plucked the paper up and carefully unwrapped it. His eyes widened, instantly. Right. He knew what this was. 

    Soft smiles, notes back and forth. 

    Written on this paper were words he’d sought to forget. Maybe it was because they reopened old wounds or that the memories were simply far too painful to bare thinking about again. So he simply refolded the paper from its crumpled mess and tucked it away in a different corner. 

    The clock’s hand moved to four. Levi let out a deep sigh and reclined in his chair. Now, the man never dreamed. Really. He often just blinked and was suddenly waking up. This time, however, and maybe it was because of the note he’d found, he started to dream. 

     He’d found the first note a while ago. It was slipped under his door and since he was a busy man, he didn’t know when it appeared or who sent it. This note was followed by several more over the following days. They were little messages that read things ranging from Busy day? To Take it easy. Levi was relatively new to the job at the time, so he didn’t exactly know how to handle these notes. He would refold them and slip them in a drawer or throw them in the trash. 

    He didn’t have time to keep up with a secret admirer, nor did he want to entertain the thought. Still, he kept some of them. Perhaps he’d make it a goal, someday, to catch the perpetrator, but for now, he was too busy, too tired, too done with this existence. 

    “You got a secret admirer?” You asked with a cheshire grin as he pulled the letter from under the door. You had been walking by and the Captain had never seen you before, but for you it was quite the opposite. You were new to the area, but not a recruit. 

    Then he noticed your jacket. Garrison. The man put the note in his pocket and stared at you squarely in the face. You weren’t perturbed. In fact, your eyes lit up in fascination, reminiscent of Hange. 

    “What is a Garrison soldier doing here?” He questioned in response. 

    “Oh, I’m just a messenger, but also, being so close to the wall, my squad has been stationed here. I live a little ways….that way.” You pointed in a general direction behind him, towards the wall. “We reinforce it when there’s issues, but we seem to be sitting around for now. I thought I’d check out the Scout regiment.” 

   “I’m sure there’s nothing of interest for you here.”

    “True,” You tilted your head a little, “but I still enjoy it. It’s something new and maybe that, in itself, is interesting.”

    He scoffed at that, but dropped the subject. “What’s your name?” 

    “Y/N.” You responded as you turned to leave. “My name is Y/N.” You smiled shyly at your little secret.  

    And so it would be from that moment on that you would be seen around quite often. He’d see you around the wall, of course, but also chatting with other Scout members. You would help in the gardens or with the horses and you seemed to have a particular interest in the special operations squad. 

    He swore he always saw you with Petra or joking with Eld. It got to the point where you’d even befriended Oluo, despite his attempts to intimidate you. You always just laughed at him. Then there was Gunther. You seemed to hold a mutual respect towards him. He wasn’t your friend, but you were friendly with him. Then that left Levi. You never spoke to him, never joked around or hung in the same spaces as him. 

    It wasn’t that he wanted you to, of course, but it was odd to see you surrounded by his team. A Garrison regiment member was making more connections with the Scouts than he’d ever seen before. It was strange, considering you were a real nobody in your regiment. 

    The Captain wanted to know what your deal was, and maybe he was on edge since the notes hadn’t stopped. Even when he stayed up all night, he never could find the culprit. So, he approached you. Petra had just left to help clean the floors and you were feeding the horses. 

    “Oy.” He announced his presence, which, unlike others, didn’t affect you as you worked. “Don’t you have your own regiment to help out?” 

    “Oh, they don’t need me.” You chuckled. “Sure, I’m another body to help with the work, but I’m really not needed. My team has it handled and honestly there’s nothing to repair.” You explained, “so I’m here now.” 

    The Captain was displeased with your response and walked over to where you held the bucket of feed. “Why are you so friendly with my squad?” He demanded. “It’s suspicious at best.” His face was an ever-present, unemotional, blank slate. The man really gave nothing away. 

   You shrugged and went to clean the bucket at the outside faucet. There, you began to scrub the metal and he followed you. 

    “I guess I met Petra by chance and we got along well, so then I just became friends with everyone else.” You smiled. “Are you jealous, Captain?” You eyed him and he had the most incredulous look on his face. 

    No one ever spoke to him like that. No one. There was a challenge in your tone and he hated being challenged by someone so clearly not worth his time. Still, he couldn’t place his finger on any of it. 

    “You have some nerve.” He muttered and turned on his heel. The man left quickly and you were left to yourself. He never knew what you were thinking or why you’d suddenly invaded his life. 

    So here was day 10 of waiting to catch the note placer. He stood by the door, listening for the slightest creak. Then, he heard it. He heard the smallest footstep, the quietest creak of the floorboards. Levi took a breath and swung open the door.

   The Captain wasn’t usually caught off guard, but he was now. You stood before him, a note in hand, which immediately gave away your secret. He just blinked and you looked shocked, horrified. The man then frowned and gently plucked the note from hand. 

    “Why?” He finally spoke and you were frozen. He didn’t know what you were thinking, and he wished he did. If there was anything the man couldn’t do, it was reading people’s minds. You seemed to collect yourself before smiling. 

    “Levi,” You started, “It seems as though you are a deeply saddened person. I don’t know why or how you became this way, but I just wanted to alleviate…some of it. Not all of it, that would be impossible, I am sure your wounds run deep, but just a little.” 

    He was taken aback, yes, but he refused to show that weakness. He shifted a little and shook his head. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he looked at you through slanted eyes. 

    “Do you pity me or something?” The Captain reached for the door and closed it in your face with a soft click. 

    This event set off a number of other…things. He definitely became more intrigued than before. He became a bit obsessed with why you were the way you were. Really, the biggest question on his mind lately was why. He knew you still stopped by his door, a note in hand, at 12:00 A.M. sharp. He didn’t try to stop you again. If the first time being caught didn’t scare you out of your mind, then he needn’t try again. 

    Levi observed. He was a man that was often aware of his surroundings, so he was no different with you. He wasn’t heartless, but he couldn’t understand how you joked with his team so easily, how you befriended them when even he didn’t feel completely involved. The man often sat silent at dinners, contributing to the conversation here and there, but never more than necessary. The others, however, were like a family. Even though they’d lost so many people, they never lost each other. Sometimes, he couldn’t stand to see that, so he’d simply walk away. Soldiers in the Scout Regiment had short life spans, that was for sure, so he never could get close with anyone. 

    You must understand this too, right? You must know that these people that you were speaking with wouldn’t be around much longer. Considering the next reconnaissance mission, there were surely going to be casualties. It wasn’t too long now, either. The mission was in less than a month and he wasn’t sure how many would live. Maybe you were smart. The special operations squad was sure to survive. But the others…the others not so much. The stable boy, the soldiers who you laughed with in the garden. Those people wouldn’t be so lucky, he was sure. 

    It was a grim thought, but death was something the Scouts faced every day. Still, the regiment continued on in hope for humanity. 

    He had stopped paying attention to the notes. When he saw them, he kicked them to the side. They were now piled in the corner. He’d clean them up, stack them neatly, but he didn’t know what to do with them. Levi didn’t want to throw them away, for some reason, but he didn’t have anywhere to put them either. 

    It was getting to the point where he was sure they were a fire hazard. So, in the name of safety, of course, he decided he’d put an end to it. The man scribbled out a quick note. Let’s talk. Then he listed a time and place. 12:00 A.M. Rooftop. He left it under his door to face the outside.

   Levi waited. He sat on that rooftop and waited. There was a chill in the air, but it certainly wasn’t a cold night. One leg dangled over the roof’s edge and the other was pulled to his chest. The wall towered to his left and the expanse of humanity’s land was to his right. 

    “You wanted to talk?” He heard your voice. Your feet tapped against the tiles and you sat next to him. You dangled both legs over the edge. Levi looked away from you and up at the sky. 

    “What’s your deal?” The man started and you opened your mouth to answer when he continued, “You’re so self-righteous, it’s irritating.”

    “Self-righteous?” You questioned and your cheeks turned red with annoyance. 

    “Yeah, you act like you’re better than everyone else. Helping out the poor Scouts, right?” 

    “Maybe I just like being nice.” You fired back. “I’m sorry you’re not predisposed to it.” 

    “I don’t want to get into a ‘who’s the better person’ battle.” He muttered. “Just stop the notes. It’s enough.” He stood abruptly. 

    “Why? Are you scared?” You called as he walked away. “Are you scared to form a connection with someone?” 

    He didn’t respond, simply slipping back inside to continue his work. The mission wasn’t too far away now. In a week, the regiment would be gone and things would be back to normal. 

    That’s what he assumed. But instead, a few days before the reconnaissance mission, he found a note slid under the door. He thought the notes had stopped, but this one was thicker and seemed less hurried than the other scribbled notes. 

    What a fool he was. He threw it to the side and went back to his work. Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about this unrelenting kindness, the way you paid such close attention to him and how he was doing. And maybe it was something in the way you spoke to him, like a human being, that got him thinking about you more. You didn’t address him as ‘Captain’ and it made sense. He wasn’t your captain, but still, it was like having a conversation with a peer. The way you laughed and smiled lingered on his mind. 

    But why? Why did it matter? Your words rung in his ears. Maybe he was scared of a human connection. This life was cruel. Death haunted him everywhere he went. It was just rational to stay away. Yet every thought of you was so irrational to his brain that he refused to acknowledge you. 

    So he kicked away the notes, he swept them under the rug, pushed them into the trash, and only addressed his team if you were around. If there was anyone who had mastered the cold shoulder, it was him. This didn’t faze you. 

    You bid the squad goodbye as they mounted their horses. He couldn’t help a sneaking glance. You were dressed in your uniform, but you had a sad look in your eyes. Your smile was unwavering, but you didn’t laugh. You didn’t joke as they left. 

    The world began to morph. He was standing over a fallen building. Trost was destroyed, humanity was probably going to be pushed to the next wall. It was his worst nightmare, worse than Shiganshina’s demise.

    He’d done some thinking over the reconnaissance mission. He’d thought about what you’d said as he watched his team. Maybe it was time to let someone in, someone patient and able to keep up with his harsh attitude. Maybe that person was you, like you’d begged for weeks. You’d wanted to know him and he’d pushed you away. 

    It was over this mission that he decided he’d let you in. He’d get to know you and maybe, just maybe, he’d make a friend, for once. Whether he felt anything more for you was to be determined. 

    Then the news came. It was like lightning struck him. He stood still as the messenger informed the regiment of Trost’s situation. There was no deliberation. Erwin ordered the troops back immediately. Levi wasn’t even concerned about the failed mission now. 

    “Isn’t she…” Petra started. 

    “Don’t think about it.” Eld muttered. “It’ll be okay. She’ll be fine. She’s smart.” 

    Levi eyed his teammates. That familiar taste of death’s kiss was on his lips. He held onto hope, for once, but it was followed with a crushing feeling in his gut. 

    “Heads down.” He ordered. “Let’s just go.” 

    The world morphed again, twisting and swirling in his vision. His mind moved from scenes of destruction to bloodied bodies. The man didn’t even pay attention to the monstrous titan holding a boulder. He was on the hunt for you. 

    There, amongst other soldiers he assumed to be in your squad, you sat. You leaned against a stone building, but you didn’t seem injured, just exhausted. He supposed it was a miracle you were alive. 

    “Oy, what are you doing down there?” He called, his eyes roving your body for injury. You seemed normal, just dazed. Levi jumped down to you and he looked around at the bloodied bodies of the Garrison soldiers. 

    “My squad fought valiantly.” You whispered. “I just saw them yesterday. We were fortifying the wall, loading cannons, laughing.” 

    You looked down at your hands where the steaming blood had long since floated away. Levi didn’t really know what to say. He’d seen death so frequently, it was like an old friend. 

    “I understand now, Captain.” And that was the first time he heard the word ‘Captain’ leave your lips. He frowned but let you continue. You looked up from your shaking hands and into his eyes. “I understand, at least the smallest bit of, your pain.” 

    It was uncharacteristic of him, but he bent down and clutched your hand in his. “I wish you didn’t have to.” Was all he said. 

    He remembered the note, the heavy one, the last one you sent. With the squad celebrating the victory of Trost, he supposed he’d entertain your notes for once. While it was a rather tame celebration, mostly murmured conversations while wine was drunk, the Captain remained upstairs. He preferred tea anyway. Levi searched the corner of his room where the notes he didn’t part with were stacked. At the top of the stack was the larger note. The paper was crisp and didn’t have the rough edge of torn paper. 

    The man unfolded the paper and he couldn’t help widening his eyes. It was note with the usual greetings, but there was something else. He could just hear your voice now. 

    I don’t know if you’re much for poetry. The line started. But here’s a favorite of mine. 

A Quoi Bon Dire? by Charlotte Mew

Seventeen years ago you said

Something that sounded like Good-bye; And everybody thinks that you are dead, But I. So I, as I grow stiff and cold To this and that say Good-bye too; And everybody sees that I am old But you. And one fine morning in a sunny lane Some boy and girl will meet and kiss and swear That nobody can love their way again While over there You will have smiled, I shall have tossed your hair.

    His hand crumpled the paper. Something about these words just weren’t right. And everybody thinks that you are dead, / But I. No, no. His world was cracking. The illusion was fading. Surely, surely, he’d walk downstairs and he’d see you standing there, laughing with Eld and Petra. Levi stood, swaying on his feet. Something wasn’t right. Why was the ceiling wavering?

    “Levi?” 

    He snapped his head to the door. If the room would just stop spinning, he could get a good look at you. You, who just entered and called his name. You, who was walking closer with a smile on your face. You, who sent him this letter. Why were you so blurry? 

    “You really burst into my life, you know that, right?” The man began. “I didn’t ask for you.” 

    “I see.” You nodded and you shut your eyes for a moment. Then you dipped your head and opened your eyes with a brilliant smile. “Hm, well I’m here now!” 

    What was it, about that cheerfulness, that didn’t turn him away? He gritted his teeth and placed a hand on his desk, just to remain stable. Light was streaming through the cracks. Why?

    “My mother used to say love does that.” You chuckled and he blinked, confused. 

    “Why are you bringing love into this? This is hardly a subject to be bringing up so suddenly.” He said lowly. You simply tilted your head with an innocent look. 

    “Don’t you wish you’d brought it up when I was still here? That night before you left for the reconnaissance mission? Perhaps then we could have talked about it, Levi.” You frowned and then walked over to the desk, placing your hands over his. “But now it’s too late, huh? You run these fantasies and it doesn’t change a thing.” You leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Isn’t it a shame? What could have been?” 

    His eyes widened, and his head tilted up to look at the ceiling. “No, no. You’re still alive and we–” he stopped himself as the world broke apart. 

    Levi was falling through the inky black. Everything was fragmented, like broken glass, around him. Every motion seemed to rewind and there he was. He stood on the rooftops, staring down at where you sat. The stone building. The battle of Trost. The fallen Garrison soldiers. Your squad lay in pieces around you, literally. You sat, staring at the sky, your head resting so peacefully against the stone wall. 

    That, of course, didn’t distract from the blood pooled around your body or the way your limp arms shook as he tried to wake you. He tried to wake you from a slumber he knew all too well. 

    The Captain woke up with a start. The sun was just rising. Why? Why did he think about you after all these years? He groaned and stretched, finally hunching over. He rested his arms on his knees and hung his head. He never did kiss you. He never spoke to you again, actually, after that night on the rooftop. Were his last words really It’s enough? He was lying. He had wanted more. 

    “If only.” He lightly touched the place where he so vividly felt your lips. His fingertips brushed his lips and then he realized, with some clarity, the true nature of the dream. 

     The man never dreamed, so why now? The only answer was that it was perhaps your spirit coming to make amends with him. You had seemed satisfied, even as you drifted away from his reach. Maybe it was because you’d seen his dumbfounded face and not many people got to see him truly shocked. Maybe it was that you’d made him realize something important, something special. 

    His memories with you weren’t painful until the end. The entirety of his memories of you were tainted in violence, but the memories you’d just shown him were sweet. They were full of what ifs and hope. Gardens full of roses, laughter with his squad, notes that he’d sought to forget. Oh, you had made sure he’d never forget. You’d permanently made your mark on his life. Like a shining moon on the darkest of nights.

     So what good is there to say? You. 

 Fin. 

[jean-vi]

Would y’all like a Jean or a Levi fic next? I have three options and ideas and I’ll get around to all of them. I have two Levi ideas, both angsty, whereas I have one Jean fic idea but it’s e2l fluff/angst. Whichever one.

[jean-vi]

Lie To Me Pt. 2 | Levi x Reader

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Inspiration:  “Chizu ni nai basho e yume wo hasete / Shiharau no wa Risiko der Freiheit” - Jiyuu No Daishou by Linked Horizon Summary: The unknown label on your relationship causes tension. Genre: Angst, Fluff  Warnings: semi-graphic depiction of injury, spoilers for season 2 WC: 2.6K A/N: thank you so much for all the love :) I wanted to continue this story and I’d already planned out more of it when I published the first part, which is why this one is so soon after.  Other: Masterlist

Part 1

    “Needle and thread” 

    “Here.” 

    “Scissors.” 

    “Got it.” 

    Your eyebrows furrowed as you worked. 

    “Antiseptic.” 

    A scream of pain, a body writhing in agony. 

    “Bandages.” 

    You wrapped carefully before halting. Something wasn’t right. You pressed your finger to the patient’s neck. You took a sharp breath in. There was no time to waste. 

    “Administering CPR.” You announced and began the chest compressions. 

    “I’ll take over when you’re tired.” Levi said as he stared at the man’s fading spirit. 

    “Come on, come on.” You hissed. “Check his pulse.” You barked. 

    Levi checked the pulse. “No pulse.” He reported grimly. 

    You blew a strand of hair out of your face and continued chest compressions. There was little hope to bring him back now. The wounds were deep. You didn’t even know his name. You could see Levi watching you carefully out of the corner of your eye. He was probably wondering when he should step in to stop you. You never gave up on patients and as much as he tried to ignore it, he did worry about the fatigue. You were starting to sweat and the other medical staff were beginning to get overwhelmed by new patients. 

    The latest mission hadn’t gone well. The Scouts needed to regroup and there weren’t enough beds. You’d been instructed to leave those on the brink of death alone. They would take up more resources, time, and energy with little chance of return. You understood this logic, but your conscience refused to acknowledge it. Levi was told to stop you, should you get into another frenzy like what you were doing right now. You felt his hand on your shoulder. 

    “He’s gone, Y/N.” Levi began in his matter-of-fact tone. 

    “Check his pulse.” You demanded and then, like a miracle, the man took a slow breath in. Even Levi’s eyes widened in surprise. He believed in your abilities to care for the wounded, but you were an optimist. He hurriedly searched for the pulse. 

    “Pulse. I have a pulse.” He announced and began redoing the bandages. 

    “Yes!” You celebrated breathlessly as you stopped chest compressions and sat on the ground. Levi finished the job and you both waited for the next one. He leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. 

    “It’s a miracle. I guess I never expected to see that.” The Captain said. He winced as he stretched his legs. His leg was broken, definitely, but he still managed to help you with your work, despite all attempts to stop him. The injury was still healing from the mission, which you expected, considering the extent of ligament damage.

    “You don’t think I forgot, right?” You suddenly said, looking at the rough bandage job on his leg. “A broken leg is no little thing.” You then pushed onto your knees and reached for the bandages. He grasped your wrist quickly. 

    “It’s okay. I’m fine.” He said. 

    “You did a terrible job.” You pointed out. “You should have just asked me to do it.” 

    “You were tired and needed your sleep. I wouldn’t have even thought of disturbing you.” Levi murmured. You raised your eyebrows and then stood up. You walked over to the bandage rack and grabbed a fresh roll. You then knelt next to him and began to wordlessly re-wrap the injury. 

    “I said you don’t have to.” Levi repeated. 

    “Is it pride?” You questioned lightly. “Because I’m wide awake now. You have no excuse not to let me help you.” 

    He fell silent for a moment and watched you work. You were focused, your brows furrowed and your lips pressed together. All the people he’d trusted and cared about were now gone. The Captain couldn’t escape death. Yet, here you were. He wasn’t lying when he thought you were going to die earlier. He’d grown apathetic, filled with sorrow and numb to the possibility that any one could survive if they were around him. 

    “You really did pull off a miracle.” He finally said. 

    “Gotta pay back my miracle somehow” You smiled. 

    “What’s going on here?” He asked as you reached the last few wrappings. 

    “What do you mean?” You answered quietly. 

    “You know what I mean.” He sighed and you finished the roll. Then you sat back on your knees and shifted your head to the sighed, humming to yourself. 

    “Hmm, I’m changing your bandages.” 

    “Don’t play dumb, please.” His eyes were soft and his mouth was a firm line.  

    “Okay, fine.” You crossed your arms and your tone made him raise his eyebrows. “We’re a confusing mess, you’re a confusing mess–” 

    “Do you understand what kind of place this is? Take your papercut elsewhere.” An attendant barked and interrupted your conversation. 

    “It’s not a simple papercut!” The man argued and your eyes followed the two arguing back and forth. 

    “I think I should go handle this. We’ll talk later.” You muttered. You missed his sad expression and his thoughtful gaze as you stood. 

      You hadn’t seen him as more than a comrade, a special coworker, until recently. You supposed your gaze had always lingered on him longer or that your heart would beat a little quicker when he was around. Still, he was merely your Captain and someone you wholeheartedly trusted, not in a romantic sense. There were boundaries, but sitting in rooms, operating on people, living in spaces where death occurs every day, made you realize just how little anything mattered. In both a good and bad way, you were beginning to think that nothing really mattered anymore. Status, power, money. None of that mattered on the brink of death. 

    “The rich man continues to beg me to save his life when there is no life to save. He says he’ll pay me money, but he needs to offer that deal to the gods, not me.” You said and Jean nodded thoughtfully. 

    “I don’t know how you do it.” 

    “I don’t either.” You frowned. 

    The dining room was a ghost town. Taking long shifts in the medical ward gave you little time to actually sit and eat, especially when it was rush hour at the dining hall. You were lucky that Jean just happened to not have eaten yet either, despite the hour. You knew that Levi was probably nursing a cup of tea in his office and it bothered you that you couldn’t help wondering about him. How was his leg? Was he in pain? Would he be able to sleep tonight? 

    Jean was a part of the new squad now. It was weird, seeing them laugh and joke with each other. You used to have that. 

    “Are you okay? You look troubled.” Jean said. 

    “I envy you. Which is funny—to envy a recruit.” You laughed. “It’s supposed to be the other way around, but that’s just not how this regiment works, does it?” 

    The man looked caught off guard. Here in front of him was a person who had seen immense loss with her own eyes. 

    “You’re a part of our group now.” He offered hopefully, but your face turned bitter. You could feel yourself closing off, just like Levi. There was too much loss in caring for other people. 

    “I can’t risk that.” You murmured and stood up slowly from the table. Did you really want to be like Levi? He was so closed off, so dull-eyed. You didn’t, you wanted to let people in, but Levi made it look so easy, so peaceful, to just be alone. “I’m sorry, Jean.” You finally admitted. “I’m just tired, don’t be concerned.” You smiled brightly to try and dissuade his concerns. You were reaching the exit when he called out to you. 

    “You and the Captain seem close.” He shouted. You paused for a moment, stuttering in the doorway. Your teeth grinded together. “I’m just saying that I don’t think he’d spend all that time with you, alone, if he didn’t enjoy your company.” 

    You smiled to yourself, a soft and small one, before heading for your room. 

      The door burst open with a bang. You jumped, the hairs on your neck standing up, as you pulled away from the patient you were tending to. 

    “It’s Nifa.” Levi barked and you rushed to help pull her body onto the closest table. 

    “Get me bandages, antiseptic, and a needle and thread.” You commanded and the nearest nurses gave a firm nod. You turned to your patient, your friend. Well, Nifa wasn’t really a close friend, more of an acquaintance, but someone you knew nonetheless. “Where is the wound and what was it caused by?” You began to open her shirt so you could look for the injury. The blood was everywhere. You turned to look at Levi. He had blood running down his face as well and your eyes were impossibly wide. 

    “And you!” You started angrily. “What happened to you?” You demanded, but he shrugged it off. 

    “Don’t worry about me. It was a gun, she’s injured somewhere in the abdomen.” He said lowly and you pursed your lips before turning back to Nifa. You held her hand for a moment. The nurses came running in with the requested materials.

    “We’ll fix you up, okay, Nifa?” You said soothingly. You took the newly arrived tools and got to work. “‘Somewhere in the abdomen’ is not very specific, Levi.” You muttered and began searching for the hole. Ah, there it is. When you touched the wound, there was a low groan. 

    “Here.” He handed you the bandages and you cleaned the wound. There was still so much blood. 

    “I’m not a surgeon.” You suddenly announced. You knew she was bleeding internally. The bullet probably punctured her liver or other vital organ. She was going to die, but you refused to believe it. The blood kept oozing and pulsing out of her wound as she squirmed for any sign of relief. 

    “You’ve pulled off one miracle this week, can you not pull off another?” Levi said as he watched you work with a hooded gaze. 

    You shook your head, “I’ll try.” Then, the girl went still. You realized at that moment that you weren’t ready for her to die. She was so young and she had a long life ahead of her. You looked to Levi. 

    “Check her pulse.” You said quickly and you both rushed to check both her wrist and neck. “No pulse.” You reported.

    “No pulse.” Levi agreed. 

    “Starting chest compressions.” You said, trying to restart her heart. 

    The minutes ticked by. It was driving you crazy. Why couldn’t you get her back? 

    “Why” You huffed as you continued to press on her chest. “Why isn’t she coming back?” You let out a frustrated breath and went to try and resuscitate her mouth to mouth. Nothing was working. 

    “She’s losing too much blood.” A nurse piped up. 

    “I think she’s gone.” You finally said and Levi placed a hand on your shoulder. To your surprise, he gave you a gentle push and began compressions himself. 

    “Stop.” you tugged on his shoulder. “Let her rest.” Your throat was closing, tears were already forming. He didn’t answer, he only kept trying, as if in a frenzy. It resembled yourself. You finally saw yourself in him. “Levi!” You shouted. “Stop!” 

    Only then did he freeze. His chest heaved up and down. The bandages were rolling on the floor, the needle and thread forgotten. He slowly turned to look at the girl. Her eyes were glassy, her mouth agape. 

    “She’s dead.” He said apathetically. With that, the Captain straightened his back and took long strides for the table. He began to clean, picking up the fallen tools and placing them in their bins. 

    “Wait, Captain.” You hesitated. The man had seen enough death,. He wasn’t like your assistants who you had to coach through deaths. He just went about his business like nothing happened. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

    The body was being wheeled away. She wouldn’t even get a proper burial. There were too many bodies and not enough graveyards. She would be burned and her bones would be indistinguishable from the others. That’s all humans were; bones. You had learned this through your years in the medical ward. 

    “Nothing needs to be said.” He breathed as he began wiping and disinfecting the table where she had laid. 

    You were quiet and you began to help him pick up the objects that had been misplaced. 

    He began organizing the scalpels, “We are just two people. We may care a lot for each other, but nothing could ever become of us.” 

    You froze. Then you walked towards him, hesitation in every step. “You don’t mean that, do you?” 

    He didn’t respond, simply continuing his work. He was always working. 

    “I know you’ve lost people. We have both lost people who meant a lot to us.” You whispered. “Petra, she was like a big sister to me.” 

    The man stopped as you mentioned your fallen comrade. He took a deep breath in and then moved to the bins where he began organizing the various ointments. 

    “Please, Captain.” You placed your hands on the table. “Levi. Tell me, let me in. I work with you every day and you barely say a word about yourself. I tell you everything and you’re like a complete unknown still. You’re the only thing I have left of our friends.” 

    He slammed a bottle down on the table and turned around to face you. His eyes were wide in disbelief or perhaps anger. 

    “I can’t get into anything with you.” The man said calmly. “It’s too risky for both of us.” 

    You had your answer. It was definitive and commanding. You didn’t usually cry, but for some reason a tear just dropped down your face. You hadn’t even registered that you’d been tearing up. 

    “I’m sorry. I won’t push it any farther.” You whispered. You turned to leave, the mood having gone sour, even more so than before, if that was possible. 

    “Wait.” 

    And you did. 

    “I want to, I do. I want to let you in, I want to be with you.” 

    You looked back to face him slowly. You held your breath. Was this a dream? You never imagined it playing out this way. 

    “But I won’t be good to you. I’m not soft and cuddly. I don’t think I’m a good person after all I’ve witnessed, all I’ve done.” He said softly. You took a few steps toward him and he followed suit. 

    “Levi.” You reached out and grasped his arm. “All I’ve ever seen in you….is good.” 

    And the Captain smiled. He really did. It was small and it was weak, but it was there. A faint line, a single twitch that made your heart soar. 

    “I don’t want to lose you and bare seeing your ghost.” 

    “I’m not a ghost. I won’t be as long as you’re alive.” You promised. “You don’t have to protect me.” 

    “What if I want to?” He hummed and then, just like that, he was pressing his lips to yours. You returned the favor easily, wrapping a hand around his head. When the innocent kiss ended, he still had that faint smile. 

    “You should smile more often.” You chuckled. 

    “Sorry, this is all you’re getting.” Levi said and turned to the last bin. 

    “I’ll get you to laugh someday.” You said cheekily and you hugged his back, wrapping your arms around his middle. “Let me bandage your head, though.” 

    He simply placed a hand over yours and silently went to work. He knew he was putting his heart on the line again, but maybe, just maybe, this gamble would work out. 

Fin.

[jean-vi]

Another Life | Jean x Reader

Pairing: Jean Kirstein x Marley!Reader Inspiration:  “ what if when he sees me / I like him and he knows it?” - When He Sees Me from Waitress Summary: Ice cream leads to a run in with an unexpected visitor Genre: Fluff, Angst Warnings: Spoilers for Season 4! WC: 3.1K A/N: I know. This could not have possibly happened. There are continuity errors. I have too many thoughts so sometimes it’s discombobulated. I apologize in advance for any funky stuff!  Other: Masterlist

    “Those guys are odd.” Your friend muttered next to you. Sarah was shorter than you and blonde. She didn’t have any trouble in the dating scene for certain. You, on the other hand, had some issues. Maybe it was your personality or the way you dressed, but you were determined to change something, anything. You had been alone for long enough. 

    “Definitely.” You tilted your head and watched the group departing from the newest ship arrival. It was a sunny day in Marley and you were just waiting in line to buy ice cream. “Let’s just get our ice cream and leave. I want to visit the new boutique shop.” You declared. “They’re trouble.” 

    “Uh…well, trouble is coming this way.” Sarah murmured. 

    You turned around to see the group eagerly making their way over, with a couple staying behind to look on in embarrassment. 

    “Ugh, must be newcomers.” Sarah scoffed and twirled her parasol. It was uncommon for you to make your way to the sea, but when you woke up this fine day you saw the blue sky. Not a cloud in the deep blue hue and you couldn’t help running across the way to shake Sarah awake. Sarah and yourself lived a bit further away from the main town. The rolling hills of the Marley seaside allowed for blissful views of the ocean, with a hint of salt in the air, while keeping away from the common folk who frequented the town. 

    Your parents were new money and had just acquired the yellow-ish, cream colored, house on the hill. You could see the dot of it in the distance. It was among a few other lavish houses sprinkled along a dirt pathway. Next door was Sarah’s baby blue house. You always envied that her house was just a little bigger and her clothes just a little nicer. Still, you enjoyed coming into town more than she did; it was often a drag to convince her to join you. 

    “Newcomers indeed.” You stiffened as they barged their way through the crowd. One was a man with short, gray, hair, but he seemed too young to truly be gray. The next was a tall man with a hat on. His hair was light brown and he had stubble along his jawline. You found yourself quite interested in him. The last one of note was a woman with reddish brown hair in a ponytail. Her eyes were impossibly wide as she stared at the ice cream. 

    “Have you never seen ice cream before?” You asked, against your better judgment. The group was strange. They seemed overjoyed, confused, and excited to be in town, but there was something wrong. Their eyes were sad and it began to bother you. Sarah seemed to be having none of it. She looked away and tossed her hair. 

    “Of course she’s seen ice cream before. Don’t be stupid. She’s probably just enjoying herself and you’ve pointed out her flaw.” Sarah explained pitifully, as if explaining the situation to a dog. She often recited the story, as if her view was the perfectly correct, omniscient narration. 

    You furrowed your eyebrows. You truly hadn’t meant to disparage the woman, but she honestly seemed so genuinely enthused that it lit a match of curiosity inside you. You turned back and grabbed your cone with a short thank you. 

    “No.” The woman finally spoke. The gray haired man was looking away sheepishly and the brown haired one was staring you down. “This is my first time seeing it and trying it.” The woman continued.

    She spoke with such conviction and poise that it took you off guard. 

    “For having never seen ice cream before, you’re taking it well.” You said with a smile and you felt Sarah tugging on your arm. 

    “Oy, oy.” 

    You heard the low voice of a much shorter man. He was holding onto a boy who was holding onto a purse. 

    “That’s not your money.” The man said. 

    “Just leave it.” You heard some others in the group mutter. Then you heard Sarah, out of the blue, start shouting. 

    “He deserves punishment.” Sarah exclaimed and that set off a riot. You backed away from the crowd and tried to pull Sarah with you. The girl was already in the thick of the crowd, though. 

    “Come on guys, it’s okay, all is settled.” You tried to calm the crowd, but you were shoved roughly to the side. 

    “Kids need punishment to learn not to steal.” A man said gruffly. 

    “I disagree!” You began, but then you saw the short man and the others in the strange group take off running with the boy. 

    “Hey!” The crowd screamed and a few tried to chase them. By now, you’d lost Sarah in the mess, but you supposed she would be okay. You’d never seen her so…blood thirsty. She had a look in her eyes like a peasant watching gladiators. 

    “Oh my,” You muttered to yourself as you made your way onto a quieter street. “I don’t think I’ll be getting to the boutique today.” You took off your hat and placed the back of your hand on your forehead in exhaustion. “She’s a brat.” You found yourself saying, and it was like a switch was flipped. Yeah, Sarah had never been the kindest person, as much as she tried to convince you otherwise. You dropped your hand slowly. 

    You glanced around, hoping to see a head of golden hair–mostly so you could avoid her. You seriously needed to reevaluate your choices and values. Then your mind went to that woman at the ice cream stand. Your ice cream was long forgotten, but that woman stuck with you. She was so excited over such a small thing, an everyday occurrence. You frowned to yourself. Well, that was just regular old living, what was she so happy about? 

    You looked in the direction that the group had run. There were still a few men stampeding after them, but they quickly gave up when they turned a corner. You would not be so easily suaded. You wanted to know what their deal was. 

    So, it wasn’t exactly like you to go sneaking around. Sure, you were of a curious nature, but you’d never ‘snuck around’ for your answers. Now, however, you found yourself snooping around a random street. The footprints were fresh, new. You took careful steps to avoid ruining the pattern. You tucked yourself behind a corner as they filed into a house. 

    That’s not just any house.

    This was Kiyomi Azumabito’s house. You bit back a gasp. Now what would these strange newcomers be doing visiting the ambassador of Hizuru? You heard a crunch of gravel next to you. You’d never felt your heart beat so hard. Everything was pounding, through your ears, through your chest. You swear a person could hear you a mile away. Then, you felt the presence of the person and they leaned against the wall. You couldn’t breathe. 

    “Girl from the ice cream booth?” 

    You froze. You didn’t recognize that voice and the dialect was…not strange, but there was something a little off. It wasn’t that the man didn’t speak well, but he just spoke differently than the Marley people you usually knew. His vocabulary was rough, not derogatory, but definitely not dripping with sweetness. 

    You slowly turned to stare at him and the expression on your face must’ve been otherworldly because he barked a laugh. It was the tall man with brown hair.

    “It’s not a booth.” You sputtered out, at a loss for anything else to stay. “It’s a stand because the man there has to stand behind it.” 

    He seemed further amused by the statement and he put a palm to his forehead. “Ah, my bad. I’m new around here.” 

    “I can see that, Mr…?” You trailed off and he looked at you curiously. He seemed to mull over whether or not to tell you his name. “What? Are you top secret or something?” You joked innocently. “I can see you must be an important person, though.” You gestured to the Azumabito house. 

    “Oh, no, nothing like that.” He shrugged off charismatically. “You can call me Jean.” He pushed off the wall and offered you his hand. 

    You really were a magnet for trouble, huh? First Sarah, now this stranger who may or may not be dangerous. To hell with it. You were tired of playing it safe from a house on the hills. You grasped his hand with vigor. 

    “Y/N.” 

    “I like it.” Jean chuckled. “And I like your style, Y/N.” 

    You found your cheeks heating up and you quickly turned to cover it up. Jean knew, though. He knew he made you nervous in a sort of girlish way. If only you could see the devilish grin on his face. 

    “What are you doing here, Jean?” You asked. 

    “Nothing important, nothing of interest.” He chuckled. “Say, why don’t you show me around?” 

    “While you leave your friends? I think they’ll miss you.” 

    “Don’t worry about it. We’re in a recess of sorts. Our friend has gone missing.”

    “I see.” You rubbed your chin. “Do you need help finding him?” You had barely noticed the setting sun or the chill that was setting in. 

    “The others have got it handled, I’m sure.” 

    “Okay then, Jean.” You eyed him suspiciously, but started walking. “Come on, I’ll show you the harbor.” 

    For all you knew, he could be an enemy, but all the papers claimed that besides the missing ships sent to Paradis, the island remains contained. The man also wasn’t wearing an armband of any kind and while you never harbored negative feelings towards the Eldians, it was another sign that you should just trust him. He probably took the long way around from the other side of Marley or something and just wanted a tour. You weren’t sure why he chose you, but he seemed confident in your trustworthiness. 

    You walked down the side street you entered on and turned down the main road. Headed for the water, you strolled casually while doing a bit of window shopping. 

    “The town is great for socializing and shopping. There are always the latest fashions because of the port. This place was also one of the first settlements to be built because, well, port.” You gestured to the ocean in front of you. It was golden hour. The soft hues of the fading sun were painting the streets orange and yellow. 

    Jean made a noise of acknowledgement as you reached the street where the harbor met the town. You’d never been listened to for this long, at least not in recent memory. You enjoyed listening to others’ stories, but it was hard to find happiness in staying silent. Sarah liked to fill the air with her words, because she must believe that her word is the most important. Her life was infinitely more important than yours. That was the idea. 

    “Say, do old buildings have strong structural integrity?” He wondered as he surveyed the wooden beams of the homes. 

    “That’s an odd question, Jean.” You tilted your head. “But I guess they do since they’ve stayed for so long.” 

    “Good, good.” He nodded slowly. You eyed him again with more suspicion, but continued on. 

    “Now, the harbor is mostly natural. The additions made are the piers and boats. You should try some seafish sometime, it’s sublime and the freshest you’ll find.” You said cheerily. 

    The brown haired man found your tour guide-esque style quite charming. On top of that, you seemed like a very aware person, and friendly. He’d noticed this trait at the ice cream booth–stand. You’d been aware of Sasha’s interest in the sweet treat and without judgment asked if it was her first time seeing it. Of course, it was your friend that had twisted the wording. And that blush, earlier. Well, it was almost enough to make him nervous as well. 

    “I guess I must try the fish.” He said as you walked along the stone wall. 

    You smiled and closed your eyes. “Mhm.” You hummed, then you blindly leapt onto the wall. 

    “Hey! What are you doing?” Jean’s eyes widened and he instinctively went to balance you by placing his hands on your waist. You slowly opened your eyes and placed your hands over his. 

    “I do this all the time.” You smiled. “And is this any way to touch a girl you’ve never met before?” 

    He instantly ripped his hands away and red adorned his cheeks. You let out a little laugh and then opened your hand to him. You twitched your fingers, beckoning him to take it. 

    “I was mostly kidding. Join me.” You instructed. 

    Now, what other choice did he have? Jean, still a little embarrassed, took your hand and hopped on the wall. 

    “I like to stand here and just pretend I’m a bird flying over the ocean.” You closed your eyes and breathed in a deep gust of sea air. “Come on, try it.” 

    So he did. The man threw his hands out and closed his eyes. Then he could see it. He saw, so vividly, what you were describing. It was like he was taken away with the wind, soaring over the ocean. He saw home. He saw the walls and the innocent families behind them. 

    “I understand.” He said quietly. You were all creatures looking for freedom. His home’s boundaries were just smaller than yours. You donned a knowing smile, but Jean wasn’t your enemy. 

    “I’m glad.” You said, opening your eyes and dropping your hands. He followed suit. The sun was setting rapidly over the horizon now. “Let’s go. I have one more place before it gets dark, but it’s a little walk.” 

    “I don’t mind walks in good company.” 

    “Me neither. I hated walking with Sarah.” 

    “Is that your friend?” He asked as you lazily headed towards the hills. 

    “Yes, the blonde one. You know,” You ran a hand through your now windswept hair, “I am starting to realize more and more that most of my friends aren’t really people I enjoy.” The path turned to dirt and the dirt became gravel. “You and your friends seem close.” 

    You longed to be able to laugh like how you’d seen them earlier, or somehow understand when it was time to make an escape without having to talk through everything. 

    “We have been through a lot together.” Jean answered vaguely. 

    “Hm, I guess I understand. But you and I, Jean, will always be fundamentally different, right?” You’d been slowly piecing it together. You tilted your head a little blinked. You’d put two and two together, you weren’t dumb. What you really wondered was why he’d come all this way. What you didn’t expect was his horrified expression. 

    “Are you going to turn me in?” He finally managed. 

    You turned around promptly and continued your trek up the hill. He raced to catch up with you. 

    “Only if you give me a reason to. Your blood isn’t enough for me to care.” You decided. “I will tell you a secret of mine, since I know one of yours. We’ll make it even, so you feel better, okay?” 

    He seemed apprehensive at best. His adams apple bobbed uneasily as he thought it over. 

    “Go on.” He said quietly. The wind was softer up in the hills and though the grass swayed, it was eerily quiet. The fading light made it harder to see where he was stepping next. He really did just follow a Marley woman blindly into the hillside. 

    “My distant relatives are Eldian. We passed as if we were like everyone else for centuries and finally I was left with no descendents directly Eldian.” You felt confident in your ability to speak in the secretive valley of the hills. “But my lineage is still tainted, even if we don’t have to wear the armbands.” 

    “This secret could get you killed.” 

    “As could yours, Jean.” You argued. “A secret for a secret, a life for a life.” 

    To your surprise, he smirked. The man stretched his arms and then yawned. 

    “Now where is this thing?” He said. 

    “Turn around.” 

    Below him was the twinkling town. The lights flickered on one by one and bells rung on ships. A clocktower’s pendulum swung back and forth. The houses on the hillside were alight and joined the array of artificial stars. He was at a loss for words. 

    “Isn’t it beautiful?” You asked, stepping forward to join his side. You felt him staring, but you continued to look at this beautiful town you called home. The wind blew wisps of hair on your forehead.

    “It is.” He breathed, turning back to the city. “Hey, wait,” He paused and squinted. You frowned and tried to search for what he was looking at. 

    “What? What do you see?” You demanded as you began squinting as well. 

    “My friends. They’re…on a hill?” He pointed and you followed the line of sight. 

    “Ah.” You took a step back. “You wish to meet up with your friends again, right?” 

    “Yes….join us?” 

    You shook your head sadly. “I cannot. Our journey ends here.” You couldn’t join him, as much as you wanted to. You weren’t allowed within 20 feet of that camp. Your family would say you were trying to muddy the lineage again after they worked so hard. 

    “It doesn’t have to.” He suddenly grasped your hand. His cheeks were rosy pink, but it could’ve been a trick of the light in this darkness. You slowly, and sadly, removed his grasp, slipping your hands back together in front of you. A respectful gesture, but he looked taken aback. 

    “I don’t want our time to end, Jean, but something is coming. I feel it in the sea air.” You sniffed. “We will be parted for a very long time. You won’t see me again, most likely.” 

    Jean was just staring at you now, as if trying to capture this moment in his mind as much as he possibly could. And you were too. The sight, the smell, the way the gravel felt under your shoes. 

    “I see.” He murmured softly. “Thank you.” The man started, “for taking the time to show me around.”  He turned to go, but, as if an impulsive spirit thrust you forward, you wrapped your arms around him. 

    “In another life, Jean.” You whispered.

    The man smiled and breathed out softly before pulling away. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek. 

    “In another life.” 

To be continued…?

[jean-vi]

Lie To Me | Levi x Reader

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader Inspiration:  “Chizu ni nai basho e yume wo hasete / Shiharau no wa Risiko der Freiheit” - Jiyuu No Daishou by Linked Horizon Summary: Facing the female titan, you find yourself in a sticky position. Genre: Angst, Fluff (?) Warnings: Major Character Injury, Spoilers for Season 1 of SNK, Most events that occur in this work do not actually occur in the season, but the context is a spoiler. WC: 4.3K A/N: I have been writing fanfic on here for a while under @tae-cup but this is my first AOT Fic. I hope it reads well :) Other: Masterlist

Part 2

    You didn’t think you’d ever get used to riding horses for hours at a time. You understood, fundamentally, that they kept you alive when you were outside the walls, but at the same time, you really did not enjoy the constant jolting. It was truly a beautiful day to be outside, no doubt about it, but maybe this was…a little too outside for comfort. The walls had been your home for many years until you joined the Scout regiment. To be completely honest, it had been a bit of a rash choice, a sort of rebellion against the Military Police that terrorized your family. 

    Your hands gripped the reins with uncertainty. The first time you’d left the walls, all those years ago, you’d been excited. The world felt fresh and new. Now the sky felt like a rotten apple and the people were all the same: excited or nervous recruits and down-trodden experienced soldiers alike. One person caught your eye though. 

    You looked up from the reins to view the people in front of you. Squad Levi. You were a relatively new addition. You were the newest member until the nuisance known as Eren Jaeger joined. It wasn’t that he was particularly annoying, although sometimes his shouting and monologues about freedom did grate on your ears, it was more that he injured himself a lot. You understood the basic fundamentals of his abilities, like being able to heal considerably quicker than a normal human, and regrowing whole limbs wasn’t out of the question either. Being the designated medic, not by choice, you had made a name for yourself by chasing after any squad members who had the slightest ailment. Eren Jaeger? Well, he had lots of them, and it was considerably more draining. 

    The others had laughed and thanked Eren for keeping you off their backs. That was only a few weeks ago. Now, here you were. There was always a grimness to the air on these missions. The usually lively squad was dead silent. The beating hooves of the horses pierced the air. It was too quiet, too calm. 

    Your eyes roved from person to person. You were taking the rear with Eren in front of you. He was just a kid, but he had the stare of someone much older. Next was Petra. She was always a good friend to you. Her smiles and determination brought light into this serious squad. You finally rested your eyes on Captain Levi. 

    At this moment in time, you were having trouble remembering why you were chosen for this team. Still, he had trust in you and so you would have faith in him in return. It was a mutual sort of arrangement. Going into the Scout regiment, you had known some basic first aid. It was a skill taught by your mother. After hearing about your unwavering interest in the Scout Regiment, she had insisted on teaching you the basics. 

    “You can’t stop me.” You hissed. 

    “I know.” Your mother sagged in defeat. “I know you have this–this anger deep inside. I just don’t want you to go into this mess unprepared.” She took your hand and held it firmly. “Let me teach you what I know. I may only be a midwife and I may not be of use to you, but I want you to be of use to others.” 

    You sat down at the dining table and waited as she fetched her bag of tools. 

“And another thing, sweetie,” she whispered as she drew out the needle and thread, “make yourself important, irreplaceable.” 

    A red flare went off, somewhere to your right. A return green flare to your left. 

    “Captain.” Eld called out and the Captain glanced at the flares. 

    “Petra, fire the flare.” He said simply. 

    “Yes, Captain!” The woman responded quickly and sent off the green flare. 

    Well, things were getting interesting. There was already a titan so close. It was a little unnerving. You’d seen scouting missions fall apart before and you really did want this to be the exception. Defeat after defeat. The wounds dragged on. Another set of hoofs joined the marching beat. 

    “Captain Levi, a message!” The new girl shouted as she sidled up to the right of your squad. You observed her carefully. She seemed shaken, but not harmed. The girl was sweating and her hands were gripping the reins too hard to be considered relaxed. 

    “Report.” The Captain commanded. 

    “The right side scouting squads have been decimated! There are huge casualties!” The girl cried. 

    Levi seemed to think for a moment before nodding in the direction of Petra. 

    “Petra, pass on the message.” He commanded. “And thank you for the report.” He addressed the girl who nodded and fell back, racing towards the right. You saw it now; flares screeching into the sky, puffing black smoke. 

    “An abnormal this far in?” You wondered aloud and you had been with the team long enough to see the tell-tale signs of distress. Still, Levi remained a statue-like figure. His head barely turned in the direction of the flares. 

    “The formation has fallen apart. We have no choice but to divert to a more advantageous position.” Levi responded after a short pause. You then sense the shake of the new recruit ahead.

    You considered yourself pretty straight-laced and a person who was rather blunt. However, you didn’t exactly lack human compassion, which you speculated that the Captain in front did. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for human life, it was evident that he did based on his role in the regiment, but he didn’t react much to anything. This stone cold expression of his definitely paid off when you asked for his help in the medical ward. 

    “Hey.” You pulled up next to Eren. His face was downcast and his eyebrows were sinched together. “We’ll find your friends.” 

    It was a promise that was more than likely false. You had wanted to say that they would be alright, but that was certainly a lie. Eren’s expression was that of a boy who was already imagining his friends dead. You didn’t want to see those thoughts come to fruition, they were children after all, but this world was cruel in the worst ways. 

    “I told you to stop saying things like that.” Levi spoke and there was something in his vocal fry that made your heart quicken. 

    “I know, but remember what I said?” 

    The man thought for a moment and then dipped his head. “Continue.” 

    A few weeks earlier

    Levi had always been a good steady hand and a calming presence. It was probably what first drew you to asking him to assist you after missions. You felt a little guilty asking an already exhausted man to continue to work, but he had agreed. He was rather apathetic but he worked diligently. 

    “You told that man that he would be okay.” Levi seemed perplexed, truly, as he looked towards the corpse on the ground. “You shouldn’t lie to the dying, so why?”

    “I don’t know.” Was your first response. It was something you seemed to say often with the man, but this time you took a moment to ponder his question fully. “I guess when a person is forced to deal with death and the inevitable pain, they need to be told lies to keep themselves sane.” Then you took a deep breath. “In less metaphorical terms, in order to keep them on our side until the end, they need to feel secure.”

    Your hands were shaky after long missions or stressful days with lots of patients. The day was just winding down now and it was another heartbreaking loss. Less and less soldiers seemed to come back alive and intact lately. It was mentally and physically draining to care for the wounded, but for some reason, Levi kept coming back. He would hand you the needle and thread and when your eyelids began to droop, he’d finish the job for you. It wasn’t in any gentle or particularly caring way. He’d take the needle and thread, as if commanding you to sleep. But you never could sleep. You’d drift in and out of consciousness sitting on the ground nearby. Tonight was one of those nights. 

    “Get some sleep.” He said quietly as he finished and fixed your rough stitching job. It had been hurried because the soldier was bleeding quickly. Now, the table was covered in blood and you couldn’t stand looking at his disfigured body any longer. You’d saved his life, but he’d never walk again. 

    “I can’t sleep on nights like these.” You responded gruffly. You were stubborn and Levi shared this trait. 

    “I know that, but you need to be able to properly treat people tomorrow. They need your best mind.” 

    You paused and then frowned, shutting your eyes in thought. “So you save the lives of humanity by getting four hours of sleep, right?” 

    “I am here to save myself and only myself. I can get by on four hours. You, on the other hand, are stupidly trying to save the lives of all these dying soldiers. It is a pursuit that will lead you nowhere.” He snipped the thread and set his hands down on the table with a heavy sigh. You ignored his scorn for your current occupation and decided to rest your head against the cold stone.  

    “You say you’re only here to save yourself, and yet you have so little regard for your own life?” You said softly, on your way to dreamland. You heard the soft fabric of his clothes rustle and you felt his gaze slip to your face. The glance was fleeting and warm, but he remained focused on the task at hand.

    “There are some people I can not bring back. I should have died with them years ago, and although they want me to lay them to rest, I will continue to cruelly live on in their name. It is purely selfish.” He responded. 

    You thought on his words for a moment. Levi seemed the opposite of selfish to you. 

    “Some would call that selfless.” You shrugged before the night took you away.

    “My friends.” He was muttering to himself. 

    “Eren.” You tilted your head down to look him in the eyes. “Don’t worry. We will find them.” You’d probably be finding their bodies and even that would be a miracle. With how close the titan had reached, you doubted a bunch of recruits would be able to stand a chance. “And if they’re injured, you know I’ll fix them right up.” You assured further. 

    The boy looked away and you took that as your cue to fall back. Still, even if he didn’t fully believe your lie either, it was something to convince himself of. Captain Levi spared you a glance. You went back to dreaming. You day dreamed about what your life could have been like. You imagined a world where titans no longer terrorized humanity. Would you have still chosen the path of medicine if it weren’t needed for your survival? Would you have…fallen in love? Maybe a doctor or a nurse you worked with? Maybe a stranger you’d met at the market? What did all this daydreaming do you anyway. It wasn’t going to change the situation. 

    “Captain, I hear something.” Oluo shouted. 

    Levi looked behind him and, of course, everyone else followed suit. There was a thud, but it was faint and seemed so far away. In the distance, behind, was a tiny dot. It was moving at an alarming rate, though. 

    “Is that–” You started.

    “ –the abnormal?” Petra finished as you both stared in horror. 

     The Captain gave away nothing. 

    “We continue riding forward.” He insisted and you usually trusted the man but this was absurd. The forest was out of the way and more of a barrier than anything else. It just made no sense. Then it hit you. The useless ODM gear currently strapped to you would become a lethal weapon in the forest. 

    “Understood.” You replied, but you truly did understand this time. 

    “Captain! We could have saved them!” Eren screamed as the soldiers zipping through the trees were swatted out of the sky. This titan really was terrifying. You’d never seen one that looked like it before. Despite being at the back of the formation, you remained vigilant in looking straight ahead. You probably trusted a self-appointed “selfish” man far too much. 

    Eren’s exclamations were becoming more desperate. 

    “There’s another dead.” The boy cried and it did tug at the heart strings. 

    “Eren,” You began, “I work with the dead all day, every day.” You felt the listening ears of your teammates, even Levi, especially Levi. “I know their deaths were violent, but they were quick.” You continued and you heard another crunch. God, you were really sick of people dying. You could feel your eyes wetting as the slaughter continued behind you, but you refused to let tears fall. With a steely determination, you stared straight ahead. “It is much better than suffering a slow, painful, death later on a table in a strange room.” 

    “I agree.” Levi added and your eyes fell on the back of his head. He was so calm and reserved in a time where even Eld was nervous. “Cover your ears.” 

    You had just enough time to register his words and mindlessly react. 

    Bang!

    For some reason, you saw him watching you as the world exploded in light. 

    “Did we really capture it?” You asked, waiting for anyone to answer. 

     “It would appear that way.” Petra murmured. 

    “You guys leave, switch to ODM gear.” Levi instructed. “Get Eren to HQ as fast as possible.” 

    “Yes, Sir!” You all replied in unison. You unstrapped the small medical bag from your horse and wrapped it around your shoulders. 

    The Captain disappeared from sight. You switched to your ODM gear, flying from tree to tree. Everything was moving so quickly and the green of the forest hid most of the sunlight. However, a movement caught your eye. 

    “The traitor.” You heard Eren hiss. That’s when you saw them. The Scout Regiment logo felt wrong to be displayed on a traitor to humanity. 

    “Move! Move! They’re closing in!” Eld shouted and you began to weave through the trees. 

     “Gunther!” Petra screamed and you knew. You knew what happened. Fuck. You didn’t want to see the body of a person you just saw yesterday, but you needed to. You looked back and you acknowledged him. He hung lifelessly, swinging like a pendulum. 

     “Go! Go! Go!” Eld continued and you followed. It wasn’t your business for heroics. 

     Then, a flash of yellow light, like lightning striking. You couldn’t hold back a surprised scream now. Shielding your eyes, you felt your hair sizzle and the air pop. Then, like something out of your worst nightmares, the titan was there. She was fast and agile. Her movements were unlike any other titan you’d seen or killed, but you supposed this was unlike any other mission you’d been on. 

     “I’ll kill her, once and for all.” Eren screamed to Eld as he raised his hand to his mouth. 

    “Stop!” Your eyes widened and you felt breathless. “Please, just let us handle it. We’re the best, after all.” You tried to reason with him. 

     “Trust us.” Petra nodded. 

    Eren looked from you to your squad to the titan. The titan was closing in and you didn’t have much time left. 

    “Trust us.” You pleaded. If Eren transformed, it put so much at risk. You couldn’t risk him getting taken. 

    “Okay.” He finally said and you all breathed a collective sigh of relief. He turned and zipped ahead. “I trust you.”

    You watched his figure fading into the distance as you and the others began your assault. Eld moved in to distract. The wind was rushing in your ears as you positioned yourself on a tree. You didn’t have quite the kill count as the others, but you understood the basics. Petra and Oluo sliced into the titan’s eyes, causing the monster to stumble back into the tree. 

    “It’s protecting its nape!” You shouted and you flew in to join the fray. You hooked onto its ligaments and began slicing. The tendons in the arms were gone and the shield on her nape dropped. You hesitated to celebrate as the others looked on in victory. They wanted the killing blow. 

    After seeing and hearing the cries of all those soldiers she’d killed, you wanted to slaughter her too. You could feel their pain fueling you to push on, even as your gut began to sink. It was just too easy. 

    “Strike the neck, now!” Eld yelled his war cry and you hooked onto her nape to join him. The female titan lunged. You pulled back with a scream, but Eld was already bit in two. Blood began to stain the grass. No. 

    “Eld!” You screeched. You watched as his body fell. No medical miracle could bring that back to life. You frantically turned to the others. “We need to regroup!” 

    “It’s–It’s impossible.” Petra was muttering as she flew away from the titan. “It’s only been 30 seconds or so. That’s just not–” 

    “Petra!” Oluo warned, but it was too late. Blood splattered on a tree. 

    “No, no, no.” You whispered as you retreated. 

    “I’ll kill you.” Oluo went in for the exposed nape. Your eyes widened. 

    “Wait! Stop!” You shouted, but it didn’t matter. You’d never seen a human kicked that hard or that far, but Oluo was gone on impact, you knew that from the sickening crunch. There was no way. All of squad Levi? Gone? 

    You landed on the grass. You felt numb as you stared into the face of the titan. Falling to your knees, you looked up to the sky, past where her form blocked the sun. Maybe, in this giant forest, it wouldn’t be such a bad place to die. You’d be with your comrades. You dropped your medical bag and accepted this fate. The female titan stared down at you and then her hand was wrapped around your body. Her grip was so tight, you felt your bones cracking like sticks and now you screamed in agony. 

    “You killed them!” You were a mess. Tears were running down your face and now you couldn’t breathe. You came face to face with the female titan. Her hair covered her blind eye. 

    A blinding light and Eren had abandoned the plan. You felt the pressure on your body ease up and then suddenly, you were falling. You had no time to grapple to any trees. You just plummeted to the ground. 

     The air left your lungs and every breath, every movement, every shake of the ground, hurt. On a scale of 1 to 10? This was a 10. The two titans were fighting and their rumbling moved farther away. You almost wanted to thank Eren. Now, you’d be able to die in peace. 

    Captain Levi. 

    The whole squad was wiped out in one go. You didn’t have it in you to sit up, so you lay with your back tucked between the grasses. It wasn’t long after the explosion of light that you noticed a familiar figure flying through the trees. 

    Levi had come to a stop above Petra’s body. You were in blinding pain, but you needed to get his attention before he left. 

    “Captain.” You choked out, but for some reason, he heard you. He turned to you and jumped down from the tree. His feet landed softly next to you and he didn’t hesitate to kneel beside your body. His rough, but nimble, hands circled yours. The Captain could have said any number of things, but chose these:

    “Do you want to be saved?” It was simple. He was giving you the option to die peacefully with your comrades or be saved. You usually couldn’t read Captain Levi very well, but when you looked at his face, finally, you were taken aback. 

    Anger. His mouth, set in an ever-present line, was now tilted into a frown. His eyebrows were pushed together ever so slightly and his eyelids dropped into a killer gaze. You had wondered at his emotional capacity for years now, but with this single gaze, you understood him. You understood how he needed to protect himself from the death that surrounded him. You refused to be another comrade that he’d be haunted by at night. Looking at the sky, you realized you had a long life ahead of you. Now was not your time to die. 

    You had your answer, and it was for, just as he said, purely selfish reasons. You couldn’t muster the energy to move or speak, but your eyes slid over to your fallen medical bag. And now Levi had his answer too. You wanted to say you saw him breathe a sigh of relief, but it was probably an illusion. 

    “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” He parroted your blissful lie as he grabbed the bandages from the bag.

    You found the nerve to speak with that comment. “Maybe you were right. Lies don’t help the dying much. We know it’s over.” 

    “You are not ‘the dying.’” He bit back with a deadly tone. You didn’t flinch. Instead, you wanted to laugh. He finished the wrapping and sat back. “I don’t know what else to do.” He finally admitted. 

    Your gaze moved to the treetops. Everything was fading and going in and out of darkness. 

    “Nothing else you can do.” You mustered. “I’m probably bleeding internally. I’ll die before leaving this forest.” 

    “You will not.” The man said quietly and when he stood, he stared down at you with an incredulous expression. “Why do you accept your death so easily? You will survive and you will live until you are old. Do you hear me, idiot?” 

    You smiled as your eyes slid closed. “I hear you, Captain.” 

    A Few Days Later

    The last remaining member of Squad Levi. You lifted your hand gingerly and stared at the wrappings. They were clean, fresh. That must be good. You watched the dust particles filtering through the sunlight streaming in. A roof. That was a good sign. You were in a bed. Also a good sign.

    “Don’t move.” A harsh voice commanded, but your lips pulled into an easy smile. 

    “Captain, I wasn’t aware you cared so much.” 

    “Do you know how hard it is to deal with all those injured scouts when you get yourself injured?” Levi was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room. His legs were stretched out lazily as he reclined, one hand nursing a steaming teacup. “Don’t do it again.” He took a sip. 

    “Yes, sir.” You grumbled and dropped your hand. The man got up and moved to the side of the bed, where you could see him better. 

    “We are now the only members of the Special Operations team.” 

     You tilted your head back and stared at the wooden beams. What were their last thoughts? Last sight? Probably the forest floor and trees the size of castles. That forest was littered with bodies now. It felt like a terrible nightmare. 

     “I am hardly special enough for any ‘Special Operations.’” You countered. “Why do you even want me on the team?” 

    He gave you a blank stare, which was a common occurrence. “Because you were on it before and you’re alive and breathing.” Levi reasoned. 

    “I think I should switch to being a medical helper instead, full time.” 

    “Why are you arguing with me, idiot?” He frowned. “You are a part of Squad Levi still and you always will be. That’s how it works here.” 

    “I could just get myself thrown out.” You chuckled. 

    “And I’d just argue that you stay, like last time.” 

    The conversation fell silent. Then you shifted to look out the window. “I care for this team, a lot, but there is no team left.” You sighed. “I guess that only leaves me to care for you, Captain.” 

    You heard his footsteps and he was now in front of the window, just staring at you. His usually intimidating gaze was gone. 

    “I wouldn’t have saved you if I didn’t care either.” He stated simply and leaned against the window sill. The light fell so perfectly on his face, highlighting the curve of his mouth, the sharpness of his eyes. 

    “I would have saved you, too.” You added. 

    “You would save everyone if you could.”

    “And you wouldn’t?” 

    “I save people I think I can save.” He shrugged. His grip tightened on the edge of the window. “I don’t know why I saved you. I was sure you were going to die, and maybe I should have let you.” 

    You pressed your lips together. “I’m still glad you lied to me. I will be truthful in saying that I asked you to save me for purely selfish reasons.” 

    “I guess we have that in common.” The Captain crossed his arms. Your eyes widened and he tilted his head. “Did I say something amiss?” 

    “No I–” You stopped yourself. “I just didn’t realize you cared.” 

    “If I didn’t care, why would I spend all those nights with you, fixing up the worst injuries I’ve seen?” 

    “Because you care about…human life?” 

    “Because I care about you, idiot.” He said roughly and moved to your bedside. The man took your hand in his and it was eerily reminiscent of the forest. You could almost smell the dirt. 

    “Maybe I care about you too.” You finally said and he dropped your hand. His face fell back into its usual stone-cold expression. His only acknowledgement was a dip in his head.

    “Get some rest.” He said bluntly and headed for the door.

    “You as well, Captain.” 

    He let his hand brush against the door frame for a moment and then left. A fleeting ghost. A vision. You wished you could hold onto his hand for a just a bit longer. It was nice to be in good company. 

To be continued...?