After experiencing prolonged mistreatment and diminished self-worth over many years. I now often find it challenging to leave my home except for work-related obligations.
I often feel the need to justify leaving, even though I'm an adult. It makes me wonder why someone else holds so much control over my actions. Why I can't simply walk out the door. These are questions I grapple with daily, and I know I'm not alone—many others face situations like mine.
I need to go to the gym to work on my back, I need to go out for fresh air. Walk in the rain and enjoy the little things that that brings.
Instead I am trapped, imprisoned and not permitted to escape.
How should I continue? My current absence from work will prompt inquiries, and the explanations provided not be received favorably.
I have an appointment scheduled later; I intend to extend its duration by a few hours before returning home. I'll head to the gym after, that should help.
I have followed similar arrangements for several years. Extending this practice for a few extra days will not introduce any significant changes.
But that doesn't slay the beast, it doesn't change anything. So how do we achieve that feat?
It's me isn't it, I can just ignore the shouts and screams. They aren't anything, and just go about my day without concern.
When I stand motionless, wandering what to do and then noticing that I have been stood there for 40 minutes.
I have said to counselors that my mind is like a pendulum swinging between move out and end life. I am fighting every day with this and trying to get my mind to the move out side. but ultimately something has got to give eventually.
Last year, when I was talking to the counselor and they began to cry. They were very concerned for what would happen to me after the sessions ended. Finding the continued support was not easy.
That is why I ended up back here now. Documenting this so that I can remember my problems.
There will be a lot that comes out over time.
Do you struggle at all with any thing?
Do let me know, it would be good to hear back from anyone experiencing similar problems. I know this is a topic that is not discussed much and it should be.
Remember that there are services out there for you to contact, so reach out if you need someone.
