I am choosing to decline to save lives; for I am only causing trouble to people who would love to share their love to me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

blake kathryn

JVL

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Claire Keane
Aqua Utopiaïœæ”·ăźćșă§èšæ¶ă玥ă
i don't do bad sauce passes
đȘŒ
dirt enthusiast
we're not kids anymore.
todays bird
Three Goblin Art

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oozey mess
Peter Solarz

#extradirty

shark vs the universe
$LAYYYTER
trying on a metaphor

Love Begins

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@jemkrisnaa
I am choosing to decline to save lives; for I am only causing trouble to people who would love to share their love to me
Untitled again
No amount of nicotine and cigarette butts pressed against my lips, can eliminate this feeling.Â
I love âusâ
âSa pagkumpas ng âyong kamay,
Aking landas ginagabay
Nag iisang tiyak sa isang libong duda
Silong sa iyak at pagluluksa.â
The day we met was sunny afternoon - when you stood beside me and played the guitars with me. I thought I was dreaming. I thought it wasnât real. I saw you on an ordinary day, when people are busy minding their own lives, but weâre strumming into a tune that only the two of us can understand. We didnât talk but we still played. There are over 20 voices sounding all over that mini-forest yet the only thing I ever wanted to hear was the music that we had.
âKung puso ko ay imamapa,
Ikaw ang dulo gitna at simula.
Nahanap din kita,
Nahanap din kita.â
The day we met was at night - when you made contact with my eyes yet you avoided once you noticed I was starring back at you. I knew you were watching me from afar. I did too. That was the first time I ever enjoyed being a laptop operator. I knew. I always knew it would be you. And by that moment, I knew I was doomed. I knew I was going to think about you for the rest of the night and the following days. Just when I thought, just completely starring at you makes it very comfortable, you pulled me close and hugged me with every fiber of your being. The only thing that ever came to my mind were the flashes of before. It was the exact place where you hugged me after you graduated from the camp and we had mutual feelings yet we are afraid of admitting to ourselves that we are in love and that we canât live with each other.
âMaligaw man at mawala,
at umikot man sa kawalan
Sa bawat kailan, sinoât saan
Ikaw lamang ang kasagutan.
Bawat kanan at kaliwa
Kung timog man o hilaga
Ang bawat daan ko
Ay patungo
pabalik saâyo.â
The day we met was a rainy afternoon - when we were walking on the street and no words escaped any of our mouths. You were wearing a yellow jacket and that iPray shirt, wearing that scent that kept my senses alive when I felt half-alive when we called it off. I still havenât washed that white polo shirt where you squinted your perfume. And every single time I smell it, I feel motivated to see you again -to draw a smile on your face as you get off your vehicle and right now at 4:33 am, I knew I was done with reminiscing and I am actually starting to do things without saying, just like all the most memorable moments I had with you. I love âus.â And just like lauv, I like me better when Iâm with you. I know lots of things have changed but my desire to be with you remains constant. Â
Letâs get out of hereÂ
If I would have one last wish
(Photo not mine, ctto)
I need an ice-cold glass of water - because itâs the only way to get you back.
Weâve gone through fights and I remember myself weeping, catching my breath. It felt bad. It was the worst breathing pattern ever. I wasnât able to keep up to words weâve exchanged. Â But after all those things we have blurted out - you would always keep on telling me to drink a glass of cold water so I would feel better. I would refuse but you would keep on insisting. And the only way to talk to you...to make it up to you is to drink a glass of cold water.Â
It was always there. When you got sick, you needed not to ask for it anymore. That glass of cold water kept the connection between the two of us. It made things a lot easier to interact. But now I keep on asking myself if i ever lost the magic - the proper feeling and emotion to bear whenever I keep that thing on hand.Â
I can still hear it. I never failed to respond to that call from once in a while. Maybe I am hoping that it would cast its spell again and just turn things around. Iâm a cumbersome of emotions. I donât know when and where to start. As I stare at this room, I keep on thinking how it went wrong, how it ended, how I let things happen in front of my very own eyes. I hate trapping myself inside. I hate starring at the ceiling - remembering every thought weâve gathered as the years passed by.Â
One second you were mine - after that, you were gone.
I need you to take me with you. Letâs just disappear from this cruel world. But I canât find you. No matter how hard my eyes kept on searching on the crowd, your eyes that caught me off-guard would never be there. So here I am, drinking a glass of beer instead of a glass of cold water because pain is better felt than cured at this point of time. Later Iâll be drunk, see blurry things and maybe forget all these thoughts running inside of my mind.
It hurts. That no drink could cover the saddest parts. Because why am I thinking of your smile whenever I close my eyes - why do I think too much about the sound of your laugh and the way I fell so hard? I donât know how long it would take before I finally get over this stage. Until then, maybe I would still keep on drinking a glass of cold water - to remind me again of the happy days, of the things weâve gone through together, of how perfect things were, of how much I am so into you - and that no matter how painful things get, I would still keep you inside my heart.Â
Youâre every thought. Still yours,
R
any tips on self love
slow and steady. itâs a gradual build, not a switch. you will have good days and bad and thatâs normal. be gentle to yourself.Â
[Untitled2]
Suddenly, a sense of revival hit me. I was so damn depressed last night but a few minutes ago, that really sweet voice reminded me of how positively I should look at life. I miss those astonishing eyes, perfect teeth and charming smile. The day I promised I would never ever let go replays at the back of my mind; and up until now, I know I am the luckiest.Â
[Untitled1]
I know it hurts - I can feel bones shattering, blood rushing; heart thumping; eyes, sweating. I wonder why I am doing this. I wonder why I keep on fencing my feelings as if theyâre activists preventing the government from doing a risky act. Itâs as if my hands are cuffed, my mouth is covered and my throat is dry. My thoughts are irrational.Â
Itâs 3:20 in the morning and I am running out of words to type. I forgot how to write. I canât remember the words, phrases and expressions I used to include in my prose. I am starting to become part of the âordinaryâ world. The mouth of hopelessness is swallowing me alive as its teeth of despair are chewing me and grinding my identity to bits until I no longer recognize myself.Â
I have lost my ability to feel. Happiness, sorrow, fear, doubt and anger - It doesnât matter for I can no longer differentiate one from the other. I am rough. Iâve lost the slippery words along the way; words that used to impress a lot of people and gain positive feed backs. I am drowning in the questions how and why. But I am running away - just like I always do.Â
What now
Iâd like to hate you for so many reasons
Iâd like to ask life why things turn out to be this way
Iâd like to run 50 miles away from home and scream at the top of my lungs til thereâs no more sound getting out of my mouth
I wanna throw myself to bed
I wanna bury my face on the pillow and sob
I wanna feel numb
Never mind the people
Never mind whatâs happening around me now
Never mind what my heart and my mind argue about
I need a break from all these things
I need to fix whatâs broken and find whatâs been lost
I need to take a step back because too much is at stake
...
Hurting has never felt this good
Letâs put it to rest, let it die.
Lost in modern relationships
Love. A lot of people base their maturity about this subject matter accordingly to their experiences. Some say, they've spent years with their partners and that luckily, they are still together. Some add up the troubles they've encountered along the way. The latter, say without all these experiences, they won't be able to grow up from that relationship. All of these make perfect sense. But would you believe me if I tell you that these are just extraneous variables? You would not agree. Of course, we are now becoming parts of modern relationships - where everything is done in fast track, where the deepest mysteries to a person are left unfathomed, where every single text and call should not remain unnoticed. It's funny how people now think of long distance relationships as the hardest kind of all while in fact, it used to be the normal route of our parents' love. "So mom, were cellphones already available that time when you and dad are girlfriend and boyfriend of each other?" "No they were not available yet." "So, how did you and dad manage to talk while you are away from each other?" "He had always gone to our boarding house." "But how about those times when cities were the ones to separate you?" "Well, we had no choice. We just use the telephone once in a while. But we definitely just wait." Wait. That is indeed a very thoughtful word - and act. How long have you been waiting for a text within a day? Or, can you even stand an hour or two without a text from your partner? Do you get mad for not getting a piece of information to what he or she is up to? It's a lot easier now, right? We have cellphones, we have the internet, we have cool cars, we have technology - and yet, these things only made us forget the value of every conversation. Love. It is finding beauty deeper in the eyes of your partner. Does he or she always compliment you? Does he or she always remember you? Does he or she always put you first? Does he or she blame you all the time for all your argumentations? Do you feel perfect when you're with him or her? If you answer "NO," in all of those questions I have asked, I believe, you are already ranting about all of it inside your head. How old are you again? Oh, you're 16? 17? 18? 19? 20? Come to think about it. Life...and love are associated to attain happiness. That person - the one that you said you fell in love with, has also his or her own life. He/she has his/her family and friends and academics. That person also finds happiness with all of those people. If you can't take that he's/she's having fun without you and you are comparing his/her level of happiness when he's/she's with you versus he's/she's with them, then you are a selfish, attention-seeking, paranoid. YOU CANNOT ALWAYS SEEK FOR YOURSELF. STOP BEING SO NARCISSISTIC. The both of you are not the only ones in this world. You are young. Try to act accordingly to your age. You're supposed to be having fun. THE BOTH OF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN - and not spending a lot of time running out of things to say and things to do until both of you find out that the only reason you're talking is that you're fighting. All of those I have mentioned above, well I learned it from soul searching. I found it while I was so focused about myself that I forgot there's a person on the other line - the one that I lost and the one I wouldn't want to lose again this time. We're taking really small steps but this time, we make sure everything's perfect. Yes, there could be a perfect relationship with the right love at the right place and at the right time. I hope these make sense. - signing off, your now old-fashioned girl
I literally donât know what to feel right now.
(Photo not mine. Credits to the owner)
Masks...
It is a thing used to build expectations and surprises - a material used to elevate the exciting feeling whenever teenagers and classy people go to the dance; Â a clicheâ analogy for people who keep on pretending they are happy about a situation though they are not - the one that I have been using quite a lot these past few days.
Masks come in different designs - some are printed, the others are painted, few are feathered while the latter are plain. These depict the feelings and passion of the person behind the mask - whether they wanna appear bold, high, out-of-reach or the most common type... casual.Â
Masks are protection. They conceal your identity - or if not, at least they hide the most vulnerable parts of you by the time you would need to cross the bridge. Masks give you the reason to carve pumpkins without people knowing about it.Â
But masks also cover your physical beauty. They give two tendencies to your actions, they encourage second thoughts from your words. They hinder you from showing who you really are, from speaking of the truth straight from how your heart felt, from expressing the proper emotion. Or, should you be bothered by all these thoughts? Have you not forgotten that you are a show? - People do not really give a damn unless you are wearing the freaking mask. So wear it proudly. Make all these people chase after you, and never ever let them see through what is hiding behind that mask.Â
âdo you have a boyfriend yet?â
âwhen are you gonna get a job?â
âwhat are you gonna do with your life?â
me everyday fr
Almost
The last time I checked, I was just a 7-year old kid wondering how it feels like to climb up the stage with honors. I can still remember how frustrated I was having the 4th rank in the class. That was my very first time of being an âalmostâ. âIt should have been meâ - I ranted a lot of times but even if I have cried a river that day, nothing would have changed yet.Â
Life was so simple back then. Iâll get to sit on one of the chairs always next to mom or dad on the dining table and fall silent the whole time. When someone initiates the âspeaking in englishâ time, it will be my automatic reflex to shut the hell up and just listen to every word they say. And theyâd all be laughing because I canât express myself in english. That was me years ago - well ages ago.
I still havenât figured out my life yet by the moment. But this night made me feel a little older - or maybe itâs just the sudden phenomenon that comes to girls which is uncontrollable by any sense. It wasnât actually fast. I saw it coming. And I am being saddened by time and I wonât wait for you to ask me why. Well, I felt the first cold Christmas when I was on the 3rd year and that time, I thought to myself, would it always be like this starting from now? I finally got the answer when I was on the 2nd year of College. I have experienced consecutive years of âfastâ Christmas - what I mean by fast is that, it just lasts for how many hours and by the morning, weâll be back to the normal routine. Everything has changed. Before we spend hours of preparing for noche buena and all those but now, we just leave the cooking to dad.Â
Before, I always thought that I am one, lucky girl for I am the youngest - besides, I thought Iâll get a lot of support from my siblings. I always thought Iâll get all of mom and dadâs time and attention when my siblings started to graduate from their respective colleges. But, everything never happens according to what you thought theyâd turn out to be. I feel sad. I feel alone. Sometimes I feel glad that mom and dad did me a favor by letting me discover things alone but it also has its bad effect on me.Most of the time, when people try to offer help, I decline each of them for I have an ego to protect. I feel like I can already work on a thing on my own and I donât need help. Yeah, screw it.Â
By now, I am starting to lose interest on things that I used to die hard for before. I just want a simple life. I think Iâm starting to turn to one of those adults who regret some parts of their life for they just let them pass by like a bullet. Maybe they were right that the best way to enjoy life is to live every minute - every second of it. Maybe if I focus a little more this time, I would not be an âalmostâ...a âcould have beenâ; maybe Iâd finally become âthe perfect fitâ.
(Photo now mine, ctto)