Thought Place

Some spilled ink and thoughts that come to my mind like 3am.

[jessibiene]

Feelings clashing: anger, sadness, hope Battling over our future

My dignity screams no but the memories seem so happy Your toxicity screams no but the memories seem so happy

Is my rage blocking my mind or are the memories fogging it? Can’t decide for a yes or a no, there always seems to be a part that blocks it.

But isn’t it funny how after all you still wake feelings at all in me?

[jessibiene]

Everybody can have Adidas, only few can afford Dior.

Be like Dior, make those bitches work for you.

[jessibiene]

You ignore me and treat me like shit

But get mad all of a sudden when I do the same

[jessibiene]

Maybe I'm delusional but was it me or you who broke our promise?

Let's stay together, best friends forever. It's always a lie just be honest.

I don't wanna argue but was it me pushing you away from me again or was it you deciding you need to go? Cause I need to know

[jessibiene]

Love is when the health of another person matters more than your own.

Love is when their wishes, dreams and needs are on top of yours.

Love is when you have to take care of two bodies but always care for one a bit more.

Love is when the natural egoistic human learns that sometimes some people are more important than yourself.

[jessibiene]

I gave you two chances you didn't take.

I waited way to long for you to change. I gave you opportunities to be a friend.

You took none of them. It's time to learn to let you go I guess

[jessibiene]

They're only good friends as long as they're not busy with someone else.

[jessibiene]

I got disappointed twice this weekend. Both times from different friends.

Maybe it’s time to not call you friend anymore.

[jessibiene]

Memories

It’s all old memories now Nothing left in the present Still it hurts deep in my stomach thinking at it again

I’m stronger now and I don’t think I would be that strong without those memories But I wish I found my strength earlier

It took away my youth, it ruined days that were supposed to be happy Now I’m bittersweet looking back at them

[jessibiene]

I'm moving out

I worked hard for that and wished for nothing else

However I'm not happy. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.

Aren't I supposed to be happy at this point?

I can start all over with the love of my life. I don't fear our break up. I fear leaving.

Leaving my old home what never felt like home to me. Yet I'm scared to leave.

Am I really scared of moving out or am I scared of

Growing up?

[jessibiene]

I can’t leave

I’m weak, I know that. But I just can’t leave How am I supposed to live if I left your smile behind? Your hands on my body? Your kisses on my neck?

I know I’m weak but I can’t leave this behind. I hope you will show me that my decision was the right one. I hope you will show me that I was always supposed to stay.

[jessibiene]

“Good” love

I thought “good” love doesn’t hurt I always thought if he’s the right one he can’t hurt me

Now I know even true love hurts sometimes Even true love needs some work at bad times

[jessibiene]

Forgiving

isn’t really that easy how most people think I really want to forgive, mostly I just want to forget Living my live like it was before. Forgiving is hard and takes a lot of strength.  You have two sides in your body: One really wants to forgive and go on But the other one... it doesn’t want you to forget that pain you felt, the tears you cry.  And actually this side just want to warn you. You have to decide all by yourself to which side you listen to.

[jessibiene]

You make plans

You wanna marry him

Have kids with him

You even agree on names for them

But nothing comes as planned

So he cheats on you

And leaves you alone

Alone with your broke dreams that you hoped will one day make you happy

[jessibiene]

Sometimes when we are apart I listen to music and I instantly think of you and me dancing to it. Out there on the field with the stars above us at a warm summer evening.

[jessibiene]

I'm so grateful you showed me how to love myself

[jessibiene]

It´s a terrible feeling to fear the end of your relationship. There are many reasons, you two have problems without solutions. Maybe one doesn`t know if you still love each other. But it`s gonna be alright. If you`re meant to be you will work it out and if not the world has something better for you in charge. Sometimes you need a better time and you`ll find your way.