Establishing Contact with Headmates
Hello everyone! Not sure if weâve ever made a post like this before, but I wanted to put together a post with tips on establishing contact with alters for those who suspect they may be a system or have a complex dissociative disorder.
This is written with folks with DID in mind, but this advice may be useful for systems of any sort!
So you think you may be a system. You may have had one-off interactions with an alter, experienced auditory or visual âhallucinationsâ that manifest from inside, deal with unexplained time loss and memory gaps, lack a solid sense of self, feel disconnected from your body and reality, find yourself spacing out or daydreaming often, understand you have a significant trauma history (even if you canât remember what the trauma was), or feel like youâre not alone in your own head. Youâre not sure if you may be plural, and want to determine whether or not youâre alone in your own mind.
If any of this describes you, we have some advice that may help you learn more about your system and connect with your headmates. Here are some things you can try that may help.
1. Attempt to establish a connection internally.
Explore the possibility of not being the only presence inside your mind. In a calm, safe environment, reach out with messages inside, and see if you get anything in response. Ask internally things like âis there anyone else here?â âAm I alone inside my mind?â Provide reassurance that any potential alters are safe and that you can be trusted.
Accept the fact that you may not hear from anyone straight away. Alters may be scared to come forward or reveal themselves, you may have heavy dissociative barriers, or it may take time to build up trust. Make a habit of reaching out once or twice a day. Try not to be pushy, angry, or quick to become frustrated - if it gets overwhelming, take a step back to cool off. Understand that change does not happen overnight, and if you have alters, it will take some time to build a base of communication between each other.
2. Attempt to establish a connection externally.
In addition to reaching out in your mind, try writing notes to potential alters. This can be in a Google Doc, a journal, post-it notes, the notes app on your phone, or anywhere else. Encourage potential alters to write back, reminding them that they are safe, thereâs no pressure to come forward quickly, and that you are trustworthy and capable of creating a comfortable environment for them.
Consider setting up a PluralKit or TupperBox on Discord. These programs allow you to set up multiple profiles that act as bots, allowing one account to share many profiles and post from each one separately. Set up a server for yourself, and post instructions in the server on how to create a PluralKit or TupperBox profile. That way, an alter who fronts later can make their own profile if they wish. This can allow you and your alters to communicate externally and learn more about each other.
If you feel like you may be a system, it could be helpful to try broaching the subject with an individual you know well and trust. Be careful who you share this information with! Talking about the system with potential abusers or individuals who have harmed you in the past may cause internal strife and discourage headmates from wanting to get in touch with you.
Ask a friend or loved one if theyâve noticed you acting strange or differently in the past. Have they noticed you spacing out or dissociating, speaking in an unusual tone or accent, or acting in ways that are normally uncharacteristic for you? Can they shed light on your past and reveal aspects of yourself that you had forgotten or never known about? Being able to discuss this with someone else may help shake an alter loose, or could help make it clear whether or not youâre a system.
Better still than speaking to a friend or loved one is speaking to a therapist. Therapists are trained mental health professionals who are equipped with tools to help struggling individuals with a wide variety of mental illnesses. Even if you are functioning excellently and feel like you donât suffer from any mental illness, if youâre wondering if you have headmates, it may be a good idea to try talking about it with a therapist.
Of course, a specialist in trauma and dissociation would be preferred (especially if you exhibit symptoms of dissociation or PTSD), but any therapist should be able to help you make sense of whatâs going on in your mind.
If you have faced religious trauma in the past, please avoid seeking help from a faith-based therapist. If you have faced trauma from teachers, guidance counselors, or other school staff, please avoid seeking help from a school-based therapist. This is in order to keep your system safe, and to reassure your headmates that you do not wish to retraumatize them or put them in harmâs way.
Remember that therapists are humans without superpowers. They are capable of malpractice, misdiagnosis, and personal bias. If you do not mesh or click well with your therapist, itâs absolutely okay to leave them and find another one. Trust does not come immediately in therapy, and it may take some time working with a therapist before you feel comfortable enough to bring up the possibility of plurality. Thatâs perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about! Take your time, be as open and honest as you can, and trust your instincts.
Hopefully these tips can help you reach out to potential alters, build trust and connection, and learn more about yourself in the process! If it turns out youâre not a system after all, thatâs okay, and it means a lot that itâs an experience youâd be open to learning more about and exploring.
Remember to be PUNK to yourself and your potential system - show patience, understanding, neutrality, and kindness to yourself as you go through this process! Thanks so much for reading - we wish you all health and safety in your future and hope you have a lovely day!
