since i’m going on leave from my job and moving out of my city for a few months for drag reasons i’m like, basically on rupauls drag race so i will now leak my run on rupauls drag race for the adoring fans;
I arrive in the werk room last, and shed my snakeskin coat to reveal a crudely-manufactured explosive. “I have a bomb strapped to my chest, and i’m going to kill everyone in this room and myself if you don’t let me win” i announce to the cast, crew, and rupaul her ru-self. I am then tackled by the pit crew, and carried off set kicking and screaming, and i am never heard from, seen, or mentioned for the rest of the season. I am noticeably absent from the reunion episode, and subsequent ru-girl tours. Technically, i was not eliminated.
The following season of Dragula sees my stunt on drag race and is impressed. How punk rock. How alternative. How edgy. We want her on our show. I am cast, and drag fan discourse the likes of which have never been seen erupt on bluesky. “Shean King is LITERALLY an attempted murderer, how could you cast him on your show” “Come on, it was kind of punk rock, #TeamSheanKing”. The season premiere airs, and I attempt the exact same stunt again, although this time as Israel attempts to pin me down and drag me off set, I press the button to detonate the bomb. It doesn’t work. Points are deducted from my final score for a lack of creativity and shotty craftsmenship.
From this point on, since Dragula doesn’t want to exactly imitate Drag Race, I am disqualified from the competition. However, they keep me on for the rest of the season, and they stick me in their torment nexus as punishment for the repeated bomb threats. At random points in the show, they just cut to me whimpering and begging for release in their torment nexus, then cut back to the floor show or the confessional or whatever the fuck. I am not mentioned by the Boulets, or any other cast member, and if you missed the first episode these scenes are jarring and confusing. “Well, at least you got publicity!! You got to be on the whole show without the risk of being sent home, that’s gotta be worth something!” Well, no, because once again, I am noticeably absent from the reunion episode, subsequent tours, as well as my own local scene. I’m also not seen by friends or family for quite some time, nobody looks for me.
Five years later, my skeletal remains are touted around as a sideshow attraction in an extremely sketchy traveling circus. $5 to see the Real Human Bones, $10 if you want your picture taken with them. The ethics of this is brought up to the circus, and they insist the bones were “ethically sourced.” Nobody makes the connection between these bones and the missing drag queen for almost 50 years. By the time that connection is made, the breaking news is merely page 15 filler and my bones have been retired from circulation and purchased by a private collector.
A 40 minute video essay is made on the subject, it gets 30k views, and is sponsored by Nord VPN. The video essayist gets canceled for making content from an actual murder, and using AI in the scriptwriting.
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