Vox Malem @jiggah-pegz - Tumblr Blog

I used to work as help desk support for a Microsoft shop. I have a client who called so often that I recognized their voice. Without fail the conversation was always the same.

Client: I forgot my email password. Can you reset it?

Me: Do you have outlook open right now?

Client: Yes, and it’s asking for my password, what is it?

Me: It’s the same as the password you used to login to Windows this morning.

Client: Ok, what is that!?

Me: When you came to work this morning you had to login to your computer, right?

Client: Right.

Me: Ok, so the password you used this morning is the password you need to use now for your email.

Client: I can’t remember that! Can you just reset it?

Me: If I reset your password I will have to call your manager and let them know the new password as per company policy.

Client: No! No! I’ll get in trouble again! Can’t you just look it up or something!?

Me: Ok, lets try this. Log out of Windows….

At this point I would have to explain what the start button is, and how to log out.

Me: Ok, now do you see your name on the login screen.

Client: Yes.

Me: Try to login.

Client: Ok, I’m logged in.

Me: Which password did you use?

Client: I typed in [redacted]

Me: Great! Now open outlook and type that in when it asks.

Client: Ok! That worked! *hangs up*

Me: ….

necro-kid

So uh... It’s been a while

Yeah. Hi all... If you still follow me that is. It’s been a while. a long while actually. I’ve done a lot of thinking. and drinking. and sleeping.

I made some.... bad judgement calls. I was in the wrong. or rather, I wasn’t thinking well. I was upset. A lot of self reflection was involved in discovering that and that’s perfectly alright. I also learned a couple things. I learned that the only thing to want comes from yourself. That I shouldn’t try to expect -anything- from anyone that I can’t supply myself. I needed time. I needed to be loved. I realized I’m capable of that. I’ve loved others. I just haven’t loved myself the way I want to. So that’s what i’ve been doing. Sleeping whenever. Working when I need to. Projects when I want to. It’s not exactly regular or routine, but it’s something.

I built a computer I’ve been making a twitch/YT persona I’ve been going out, trying to get a date (exclusively using tinder doesn’t help my cause but it’s so far been the easiest I’ve been going out and hanging with friends. And I’m fine with that. I know that i’m not there yet. I know i’ve said some.... incredibly unwarranted things. But I won’t remove them from my page. I want something to look back upon when I think of why I need to change. I don’t want to be that anymore. So far now.... I’ve been treating myself. and doing what I want. I’m not -happy-. but I’m content. and that’s all I want. to be Content. If you made it this far, thanks. and if the right one is reading.... I’m sorry. I just don’t know what else to say. But I’m done feeding this.... emptiness. Done trying to “save my soul by occupying yours”. So what do you think? What do you think?

#reflect #love #emotion #depression #thinking #self #Jiggah-pegz

yaboilinh-deactivated20170904

its hard to do the meme when ur wearing ur helmet 10000% of the time

x-skatergirls

thepunisher

— therecordshows

paedme-deactivated20171016

Darth Vader in “The Return of the Jedi” deleted scene

necro-kid

deanprays

T E E N A G E S O U N D S | a mix for the teenage soul, from raucous laughter in speeding cars and rebellious parties in deadbeat towns to quiet lamentations under the stars and vapid silences in empty houses | [listen]

deanprays

01. life’s too short - wild party • 02. not your birthday - allstar weekend • 03. electric love - børns • 04. take my love and run - bad suns • 05. the kids aren’t alright - fall out boy • 06. mad love - neon trees • 07. hallelujah - panic! at the disco • 08. chasin’ honey - wild party • 09. cardiac arrest - bad suns • 10. stressed out - twenty øne pilots • 11. costa rica (acoustic) - vince vaccaro • 12. hello my old heart - the oh hellos • 13. free fallin’ (live) - john mayer • 14. delicate (acoustic) - damien rice • 15. i can’t stay - the killers • 16. slow dancing in a burning room - john mayer • 17. dead sea - the lumineers • 18. firelight - young the giant • 19. white teeth teens - lorde • 20. from eden - hozier • 21. drive on (acoustic) - avalanche city • 22. a world alone - lorde • 23. exitlude - the killers

It’s been a while.

Hey followers. Hey, people I don’t know if you follow me or not... w/e. It’s been a while. It’s been a while since I’ve typed anything. Since I’ve mentioned anything. I’ve been thinking and reading and trying to stay sane. My life isn’t crazy at all. There have been things to do, people to see, days to sleep away. It’s been easier. But it just because it’s easy, doesn’t make them the more enjoyable to do. In terms of “recovery” .... Well it’s a process. I’ve thought about her every single day in some fashion or form. and every day it hurts less and less. I’m now at a point where I can talk about her other other people... I don’t know whether or not I want to talk to her yet.

She’s talked to me though... Several times. Each time less difficult than the last. They’ve all mostly followed the same theme:

“How’s your family? How are you? I miss you and want to hug you. Do you think we can get back together...?”

There’s nothing else that can make me say yes.... but I give the most vague answer ---

“Relationships can’t be one way. I know I do. But It won’t matter if you’re not down for it either”. That’s the one thing I want deep down... but I don’t expect that to happen. I feel like I’ve hurt.... So for now, I’ve been doing my best to just.... live: To no longer expect the stars to light up the night sky, and the planets to align and the Air I breathe to feel crisp, and clean.

for now I go to what is arguably the basis of human behavior. To do whatever I want to do second, and what I need to do first. I need money. I need time. I need to prepare if I want to move away to somewhere fresh, and new, and free of all the things holding me back. Unless of course, things change... But Like I said before. I don’t expect it to. But in the meantime, I’ll do things. Talk to me. Or something. I’ll certainly listen.

#Jiggah-pegz #lonely #monologue #text #love #depression #feelings

Well Done.

You know.... It's really rough when your life drastically changes. It gets worse when someone you cared about, completely goes back on their word... And you find that they end up being a hypocrite, after months upon years of them telling you "they would never do this, never do that". But they do it anyway. They tell you... “I would not do anything that hurt you. I won’t leave you. I want to be with you.” and et cetera. And you just end up driving the knife further in. Your “Mr. Fix-it” complex went into overdrive, when you found out you were depressed. You just wanted to feel better. I wanted to help you feel better. I stuck with you. I cared about you. I put everything I had into it. For you. I’ve made mistakes, yes. But I didn’t ignore them. I did my best to fix them. And you tried your best to fix your own.... but I guess you thought I was a mistake..... 2 years, it took you to realize. That’s 2 valentines days.. 2 Christmases. 4 birthdays. 24 months. 730 Days. 17,520 hours. 1,051,200 minutes. 63,072,000 seconds. Even when we fought, I valued every second of it. You said you did too. You said you wanted to be single for a while.... work on yourself. I accepted it. So we took a break. But now, you’re with someone more broken than you. Someone who was institutionalized, for a bit. And you decided that you and that someone where more...... compatible. You could be broken together. What happened to working on yourself? What the hell is wrong with you?.... I did everything you asked of me, and this is what I get. A heart broken, A car packed, and a trip to a house where I don’t feel at home. I used to sleep in a white room, with clothes strewn everywhere, with you. Now I sleep in a yellow room, with blankets that smell like tears. Alone. You took that away from me. And the worst part of all of this is that I still love you. I’m always going to support you, even if I think you are a lying hypocrite of a fool who once again proved what I had tried to hide away, deep down. That I shouldn’t get attached to anyone. Because they will always leave, either willingly or forcefully. But I thought you were different. You made me genuinely happy. But all that is for naught, if you don’t feel the same. I used to wake up at 6, Start work at 8, go home at 5, and then come home to you, and sleep next to you at 10 or 11... Each night I slept more soundly than I did before, with exception of our worst nights.....

Now, I wake up at 6. Start work at 8 End work at 5. Play video games at 7, and go to sleep at 2. Because collapsing from exhaustion is better than trying to sleep earlier, but I just end up crying myself to sleep every night. I’ve become accustomed to hating you. and hating myself.

I hate you for what you did. What you’ve become.

I hate myself for still loving you, even though you hurt me in a way that’s less preferable to death. But being six feet under wouldn’t allow me to play videogames.... so I guess I’ll stick around for now.

#Jiggah-Pegz #personal #rant #breakup #heartbreak #love #hate

I need to get this off my chest

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post. This one is gonna be everywhere because I need to type it down otherwise I’ll probably regret it. 2016 is proving to be a.... “harrowing” year. Attacks, Accusations, Elections, Violence, Rape, etc. It’s all starting a trickle-down effect on me. They don’t effect me, so why should I care, right? Well I should. But I think I know better to not let it affect me. However, it gets hard when it effects everyone AROUND me. Especially those I love. The world gets to everyone. But it’s not the fall that’s the hardest. It’s getting back up that provides the real struggle. You’re not only fighting against the world, but yourself. I’ve realized that a long time ago, but haven’t really followed my own words. What pushed this today was seeing someone on a facebook page about Quidditch (A sport that I would not be afraid to state has changed me for the better) accuse someone I used to play against as a rapist. Then in the post comes the flood of SJW, Law Advocates, Genderfluids etc, whatever. I don’t care, and I’ll be nailed at the stake for saying that.. They just started going at each other about consent, and what the law says, and pronouns (look, I get calling someone by what they prefer, but you don’t need to gut someone for not knowing) and it just turns out to be a shit show, instead of the community just supporting the victim.

I don’t really know how to explain “the loss of innocence”... It’s like seeing someone kick a dog (terrible analogy, but fuck, just keep reading it.) After it keeps getting hurt, the dog goes wild. then everyone goes after the dog like “It ate my rutebegas, kill him” or some shit like that and it’s like STOP, MAN.... Don’t go after it with knives and pitchforks for not knowing any better. Just bring a blanket and some food, and offer it warmth. offer it love. Don’t be a dick to the dog. You recognize the innocence, and then you see the world do something terrible to it, and becomes rabid, and wild. and it begins to mistrust and harm others because fuck, it doesn’t know any better, right? But you’ve got to not be a dick.... be kind. bring the blanket out. Comfort it. And teach it to be better. It’ll take time, but It’ll be worth it.

So the take-away’s of this mess of a post are the following:

1. Don’t be an asshole 2. Recognize other people by “putting yourself in their shoes” 3. HOLY FUCK DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE.

End Rant

#rape #IQA #quidditch #the world #news #opinion #Jiggah-pegz #don't kick the dog.