Game of Thrones Daily
Discoholic 🪩
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Love Begins
No title available
izzy's playlists!
JVL
No title available
Kiana Khansmith
Peter Solarz
if i look back, i am lost
ojovivo
pixel skylines
ellievsbear
styofa doing anything
oozey mess
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
RMH
h
Three Goblin Art
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States
@jillianfortin
The really successful people are the ones who know what to do when their plan doesn’t work out.
Five strategies for facing change and overcoming life’s challenges without resentment. (via forbes)
"We’re told that successful people have plans. That’s true, but the really successful people are the ones who know what to do when their plan doesn’t work out. The key is learning how to let go of a plan that isn’t serving you."
When you know you shouldn't have responded, yet you totally did and in doing so, forfeited any shred of power, self respect or perceived idea of an upper hand that existed in your silly little head. Wouldn't it be great if there was an app that stopped you from doing that? Oh wait, there is. Blocking people.
Today’s Daily Cartoon by Tom Toro. Find more, visit our new cartoon hub.
Tonight in Market Square Park:
I drank more glasses of wine than I played BINGO games. I didn’t win BINGO. I did win drinking.
Had a meaningful conversation with a family friend about gay marriage and the ordination of women ministers.
Chopped up an absurdly large and excessively wrapped sausage with a plastic knife.
Ran into friends I haven’t seen in a very long time.
Didn’t die of heat exhaustion.
Paid $10 for parking.
Laughed a lot.
Enjoyed every minute celebrating one of my best friends and soul sister for life, Maria.
Tonight was a beautiful night.
It's a beautiful night for BINGO (i.e. the only game I can't cheat in) #bingo #blanketbingo #marketsquare #downtown #houston #htx #dhtx #whenisaybeautifulimeanhumid #isthatasausage (at Market Square Park)
We systematically undervalue sleep, and yet it is fundamental to our present and future performance. And unlike most anything else, sleep is one of the few things we have to do ourselves. No one can do it for you.
Maria Konnikova, from the third piece in a three-part series on sleep. Read part one, on falling asleep, and part two, on sleeping and dreaming. (via newyorker)
Happy birthday, dear @frauleinmaria78! I love you so much, sister. May this next year be full of more crazy adventures and greater discoveries of what's out there and also within us. Can't wait to ride this next year with you (and see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into). #hbd #happybirthday #dirtythirty #bff #sisters #morecheesygirlyhashtags #disneyland #goldengatebridge #lifeisamusical #soletsrock
Advice to My Younger Self: Online Dating Edition
Dear Poor, Silly Girl,
You don't know me, but ohhh honey, do I know you. I know you so well. So, so well.
I am writing regarding a matter of utmost importance. I'd like you to please consider the below items prior to logging onto whatever app or website you are secretly logging into in hopes of finding someone special.
Spoiler alert: today, you're 29 and you haven't found a special someone.
But regardless, you're gonna do you, boo boo, so please ponder on these before continuing to slide down that slippery slope you call a dating life:
If a guy consistently displays more effeminate qualities than you, run. Like fucking sprint. Don't skip or frolic gaily in the fields because that's probably what he's going to be doing, and remember you have the ability to overpower him.
If he starts with the nicknames or pet names early on, he's using them on at least three other bitches at the same time he's using them on you. The only nickname you need to call him at that point is FELICIA, coupled best with "BYE"
You don't even like buck teeth. You don't like buck teeth, you don't like corduroy jackets in Houston's August heat, and you don't like flip flops at a nice restaurant.
You are educated and intelligent. A minimum of a high school diploma or GED is required.
Maybe it's not a good idea if he grabs your ass in public. Definitely not if he tries to go full frontal.
Be wary if he plans for a three hour date on the first date and you've never met him before. All it takes is ten minutes to know whether or not this dude is someone you'd want to spend time with. Don't lock yourself into something with someone you could potentially detest. See also: Alcatraz.
If he tries to give you weight loss tips after the first couple weeks...
When it doesn't work out - because it won't work out with MANY:
Move on quickly.
Don't take things personally.
Never listen to clichés.
Try not to make him a villain, even if he totally is one. He's just someone you need to forget.
Don't fall into the trap of rationalizing or fitting him into a mold when he clearly doesn't fit. No one benefits in that situation. Just move on.
It's simple. Did it work out? Oh, no? Okay. On to the next one.
You've got this. I believe in you. I have to believe in you because believing in you means believing in myself too, and if neither of us have got our back then we are one hot mess and we definitely have bigger problems to work through.
And since knowing you is knowing me, you will probably ignore me, err you, err yourself, err us and do whatever the hell you want to do, because that is something that makes you crazily difficult and so irrevocably you.
You will make mistakes, you will fall flat on your face, you will appear weak, and at times you absolutely will be - not just appear to be. Just take a deep breath, learn from it, suck it up and move forward.
Mama didn't raise no quitter, and she won't have you embarrassing either of us.
So the moral of the story is,
Like everyone thing else in life, if all else fails,
Do it for Mom.
Mom is in the Philippines, which means sleepovers with Inang! Our schedule is for me to spend the night Tuesdays through Thursday. I arrived a bit late on account of needing to practice for a wedding I'm playing in this weekend. I expected for Inang to be sound asleep since it was 10:00 pm (two hours after her typical bed time). And what do I see when I walk upstairs? Inang playing around on YouTube! Is she really my grandma or what? She made it a point to tell me, "When Uncle George was here, the iPad wasn't working. But now that I took a nap, I just press-press and found the Ilocano music." I swear there was a glimmer of pride in her voice. And who can blame her!
Waiting for the Endoscopy (and My Boyfriend)
Inang: How long until we can go home?
Me: We'll have to stay here tonight, Inang. Maybe a few days.
Inang: *dramatic pause* I'll die now.
Me: Don't say that. I haven't found a boyfriend yet. And you have to stick around long enough to meet him, at least.
The Internet is Dark and Full of Terrors
I feel as if the people who email me don't know me AT ALL. First with Twylah, then OKCupid. Now, the offender of the day: GROUPON. While you're usually spot on at anticipating my innermost desires, Groupon, you failed miserably with this one: [caption id="attachment_676" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Me and these wedding deals are meant to be? THANKS, GROUPON.[/caption] What have I done/ looked at/ clicked on to make Groupon even consider me as someone about to get hitched? What have I done to deserve this? I don't pin wedding crap on Pinterest, I don't read bridal blogs or planning forums, I avoid engagement photo shoot galleries like the plague-- at this point, I am quite possibly the Anti-Bride. I am definitely someone who would make fun of the gal who bought this crap: [caption id="attachment_677" align="aligncenter" width="561"] Apologies to any of my friends who may have purchased these items. I love you, but I may respect you less based on your decision to buy these things.[/caption] "Keep Calm & MARRY On?" I'm pretty sure the British government would have a strongly worded opinion for the poor pillock who created that one. And "Under New Management"?! What woman in her right mind would tell herself, "Not only do I need a man, but a manAGER?" Ain't nobody got time for that-- this chick's only got time to do what she wants! At least they got something right, though. At the bottom of the email was a call-to-action for this: Thanks again, Groupon. You da best.
A Different Kind of Book Club
A few weeks ago, my best friend Sara and I were sharing a healthy meal of pizza and breadsticks after an invigorating hot yoga class (yes, we understand the irony), and the topic of God came up. Sara and I constantly talk about how God finds us on the yoga mat often, mostly when we clear our minds of every day worries and welcome stillness and peace to replace them-- and this time was no different. I'm not sure how the conversation evolved (which is not uncommon whenever I think about the conversations I share with Sara), but it led to a very interesting thought: if we all profess to love our friends (with the understanding that God is love), why is it that we rarely bring both parties together? We didn't have a good answer for that. Or any answer, for that matter. I've always professed to be a Christian, but I'll also be the first to admit that I am so far from perfect it's ridiculous. While I love my church and I attend every week, I find it refreshing to hear the perspective of others and forum freely with them without the fear of judgment or crossing a line drawn by cultural and social norms (my church is predominantly Filipino and, as such, there's a long list of do's and don'ts you have to tip-toe around). The sad part about it is, when we first started talking about it, I didn't always have that opportunity. Neither did Sara. So we decided to create the opportunity. We figured, "If we all profess to love our friends (with the understanding that God is love), why don't we make the effort to bring the two together?" [caption id="attachment_668" align="alignright" width="286"] Next study: Thursday, March 21st, 2013. 7:15 p.m. at The Class Room (2534 Amherst Street, Houston TX 77005 in Rice Village)[/caption] We sent an email to a few friends we thought would be interested in getting together and got great feedback from all on the mailing list. We decided to meet tonight at La Madeleine in Rice Village, starting with fellowship and physical nourishment that later led to our main course (and my absolute favorite book of the Bible of all time) -- the book of James. We were so eager to get started that we decided to dive into the Word before we had finished our meals, which ended up being a great idea because we had so much to discuss-- we barely got through half of the book, ending with Chapter 2. I have read the book of James more times than I can count over the duration of my personal walk, but this discussion opened my mind to so many different ways to interpret the text. I don't profess to be a subject matter expert on the Bible at all; my own personal intention was to have a deep, Christ-centered conversation with like-minded individuals. I didn't know how it would go tonight, nor did Sara and I know what to expect. But as always, "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28) and I walked away from our study two hours later feeling rejuvenated, excited, and most importantly, blessed. I plan to write a blog post more specific to our study, but I wanted to share how excited I am about continuing this study. I know that the majority of my blog posts are sarcastic, comedic and slightly irreverent (I am exceedingly aware of the irony that accompanies the fact that the blog post directly below this is entitled, "Why I Hate Humans"), but the title of my blog is called "Real Talk" -- and this is me, being real. Part of our study (our discussion on James 2) focused on the deeds and actions that accompany the faith we profess to have-- and I am personally convicted to continue this. I welcome anyone-- and I mean ANYONE-- who is looking to hang out with a group of young(ish) believers of any denomination in the loop twice a month for a non-judgmental, completely open forum. I know many of us are active within our own churches, small groups, and/or personal walks, but this would be another venue through which we could grow closer to Him (and each other as well). Our next sesh will be on Thursday, March 21st, 2013 at The Class Room (2534 Amherst Street, Houston TX 77005 -- in Rice Village right across the street from La Madeleine). Fellowship starts at 7:15 p.m.* and study starts afterwards. For more details, email me at jillianfortin[at]gmail[dot]com, or Facebook, Tweet, Skype, carrier pigeon, etc. If you are not able to join us this time, aren't comfortable attending and just maybe want a penpal of sorts to exchange messages with, that's totally cool too. Drop me a line either way and allow me to keep you in my thoughts and personal prayers, as I hope you will be praying for our little group as well. God bless :) (Love, Serious Jillian)
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
*I had previously listed fellowship as starting at 6:45, but Cabby just reminded me that the shop doesn't close till 7. Whoops.
Why I Hate Humans: A Weekly Digest
This world is full of people who exhibit some appalling, disgusting behavior. This week, it included the following:
The woman who promised a young man dying of cancer that his financial woes were over.
They weren't. Because she was lying. She was lying to impress a celebrity who had made a video appeal to the Internet to help him. This chick, "Jonnica Ellis," promised young Tom Doty that she was going to front $250,000 for him to undergo experimental but highly successful experimental therapy. She forged documents, bank statements, wire transfers, and emails saying the money was en route and to proceed with the treatment. The family packed up and went to San Diego for the treatment, stopping the young man's therapy for about 8 weeks-- only to find out that the money was never coming. He passed away on December 19th.
The dude who took a first date to Applebee's and made her pay for it.
I mean, seriously. Applebee's? I wouldn't wish an Applebee's meal on my worst enemy. My favorite bits:
I noticed that every time this girl looked away from him he would twitch. And i mean Twitch. Not just some little tweek, I'm talking a good full-out torque, these things had a wind-up.
With the girl in the bathroom, Sir Twitch-n-torque breaks out his phone and makes a call. Whoever he's on the phone with is now being bombarded with events that never occurred (Ex. "This fine-ass honey is a dime dude, we came in, sat down she jus started grabbin ma junk right theh under the table, etc etc")... I tune back into the end of his phone conversation as he frustratingly replies "I dont know, ma, like around 11!"
He reaches across the table, grabs his date's Long island Ice Tea, pounds the whole glass. No hesitations, 3 gulps, done. He then announces to our section "CRUNK JUICE", and slams the glass down where he found it.
So after all his talking of himself describing his 'cakeflow', and his being on his way to making his first million dollars, she snaps. "Okay, um, I'm sorry, but are you like retarded or something, seriously" He pauses, laughs, says "Nah, but I'm stupid diggin you right now". Then he leans back, fist to his mouth and goes "Ooooohhh sh*t!!"
I know the cost of $6 drinks, $8 shots, along with 2 apps and 2 dinners, their check was probably something around 65-80 bucks. He takes out his wallet, and you could almost hear the drumroll. Young Galahad here only has 18 bucks on him.
Reminds me of a guy I dated briefly who once asked me if I wanted to sponsor a haircut. Those were his exact words. "Sponsor a haircut." Never. Freaking. Again.
Judgmental Cashiers at Sam's Club
Someone with whom I'm acquainted on Facebook is an occupational therapist by trade. They posted the following (then swiftly deleted it... but not before I had copied and pasted it to IM it to The Bestie since it made me so sick):
"Today my quadriplegic patient told me while he was shopping at Sam's a cashier called his wife "a lazy, waste of tax dollars" when they used food stamps."
REALLY?! Being a caregiver to someone you love is a 24/7 job. When was the last time you worked that hard? Lazy my ass.
Octomom, who is back on welfare.
After the publicity stunts, brief stint in porn, and whatever the heck she might have gotten herself involved in, Octomom is back on public assistance! I know I don't have kids, and I can't possibly imagine what it must be like to be raising fourteen. But I mean, come on. This was your decision. And not in the whole "You decided to perform an act that leads to creating new life" sort of way. More like "You went to a doctor and told the doctor to put 14 babies in your uterus." And after everything she's done to scrape the bottom of the spotlight barrel, she's back on the government's pay roll. Unbelievable.
This is My Doula
I am not pregnant. I don't plan on getting pregnant for a very, very long time. That being said, I talk (in a very irreverent way) about what it'd be like when I'm pregnant someday. Today's topic of conversation: doulas. What is a doula, you ask?
Doula
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A doula (pronounced "doó la",[1] also known as a labour coach[2] and originating from the Ancient Greek word δούλη meaning female servant or slave[3]) is a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth, as well as her partner and/or family by providing information, physical assistance, and emotional support.[1] The provision of continuous support during labour by doulas (as well as nurses, family, or friends) is associated with improved maternal and fetal health and a variety of other benefits.[1][4]
So basically, your bitch when you're about to pop your kid out. Which is what The Bestie says she wants to be. I, on the other hand, want a doula around for one very specific reason: The Bestie: Omg i hear my patient moaning with her doula The Bestie: Thankfully we're getting an epidural soon The Fattie: when i interview doula's one of my requirements is that i get to call them "oblongata" The Fattie: so when people meet her i can be all The Fattie: "this is my doula, oblongata"
Best Email Marketing Message. EVER.
I do a lot of hating on OKCupid. A LOT. But I've gotta give them props on this Day-Before-The-Apocalypse email blast I received today:
Designer Dress Rental Discrimination
[caption id="attachment_621" align="alignright" width="300"] Borrow something beautiful IF you are skinny or pregnant. NOT in between.[/caption] A few months ago, my friends at work told me about this website called New for the Night, where you can rent fabulous dresses for fabulous events at equally fabulous prices (for example: you can rent a $500 Rebecca Minkoff LBD for $80). You get the dress for three days, people are like, "OMG you look so great in that designer dress," and then they never see you wear it again because presumably you're a big baller who's got it like that. Win/win situation, right? That's what I thought at first. A few days after my friends told me about it, LivingSocial was hosting a $50 for $125 towards a dress rental deal, which I immediately snatched up because I thought it was a sign from above. With four weddings lined up for the last quarter of 2012, I was definitely going to be under the microscope and had to look amazing. Like all LivingSocial/Groupon/Google Offer deals, I quickly forgot that I had purchased it altogether-- that is, until I received a notification that my New for the Night deal was expiring today. "No worries," I thought to myself. "With Tracy's wedding at the end of the month and the church's annual banquet at the beginning of December, it's not going to be hard to figure out what event to use this for." WRONG. [caption id="attachment_622" align="alignright" width="300"] "Shut yo mouth" does not apply here. Someone get these chicks a Benadryl. Low-cal, please.[/caption] One thing I always forget about high fashion designer clothing is-- all the fancy designers don't make clothing for fat people. This is the truth. Have you ever seen someone with more to love sauntering down the runway? Do you see curvy girls in those sexy clothing ads? No. Because every single girl in every single ad is stick-thin with her mouth hanging wide open, kind of like she's on an antihistamine because her nose is stuffy, or maybe because she's so hungry. Who knows. What I DO know is that once I clicked on the "All Apparel" tab and refined my search to display dresses in my size, only nine results showed up... and SIX of them were MATERNITY DRESSES. I refreshed my browser and cleared my cache several times, I couldn't believe it. MATERNITY DRESSES as 2/3 of my options! Unfreakingbelievable. It's like I was being told, "Mainstream fashion doesn't recognize someone your size... and if you are indeed this size, then surely you are pregnant. Surely you are actually two people enclosed in one body, because by our standards no one person can be as large as you." [caption id="attachment_625" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Chick that took up 2/3 of the search results page. Look at that taunting smile. And I bet she's not even really pregnant.[/caption] I did choose one of the three non-maternity dresses, but freaking A did I do so with remorse, shaking my head incredulously the entire time. And if you think about it, it's not New for the Night's fault that designers don't like making high-end evening wear for fat people. It really isn't. Despite the initial shock and what's sure to be months of trauma, I'm super excited about my upcoming rental from them and glad that I did find something that will hopefully look just as good on me as it does the 6'0" blonde chick on the website who I'm sure hasn't had a carb since Y2K. I'll be sure to follow up with an update after the Christmas banquet and let y'all decide. But do all you other curvy gals feel me when I say, "Where's the effing dress rental site for us?" [caption id="attachment_623" align="aligncenter" width="595"] I once attempted to model with my mouth open. It was disastrous.[/caption]
Not Cool Enough To Find Sugar Daddies
[caption id="attachment_608" align="alignright" width="150"] Oh! There they are![/caption] The Bestie: Hey we need to find sugar daddies The Bestie: Thats what i always think when i come to the galleria The Fattie: heck yeah The Fattie: where do we find those The Bestie: Ur the cool girl The Fattie: i'm definitely not that cool The Bestie: Yea ur right The Bestie: Hahahaha Later that day: The Fattie: a sharp pain that just ran through my back reminded me i hadn't taken painkillers all day The Fattie: am i addicted? The Bestie: Yes The Bestie: Stop takkng them The Fattie: i like them a lot though. what do i do The Bestie: Go to rehab The Fattie: you think maybe i could find our sugar daddies in rehab? The Bestie: For sure The Bestie: But u have to go to the nice fancy ones
