Welcome to my blog! This page is treated as a library and is dedicated purely to BTS fics I've read and recs from me. Below you can find lists of recs for each member I've made so far! This page will be updated as I upload more!
★ It's december and I still want you by @smoochkooks
★ You're losing me by @inthelow
Series
★ To Make A Power Couple by @joheunsaram
★ Promise by @joheunsaram
★ Chaperoning by @joheunsaram
★ Black Swan by @helenazbmrskai
★ The Stand-In by @yoonia
★ Satisfy by @suga-kookiemonster
★ Our Story by @yoonjinkooked
★ Letting go by @bangtan-babe
★ Right person, wrong time by @hobeemin
★ Who you gonna call by @hyunnows
★ Pretty Baby by @margotw10bis
★ The death of you by @kkaetnipjeon (incomplete)
★ Intersect by @shina913
★ The long game by @mrsvante
‧₊˚🖇️back to namu's library 𐚁
‧₊˚🖇️back to the library 𐚁
special request from @ficluvr613 , happy reading sweetheart.
I'll make part 2, I'm really exhausted lately, i don't feel like reading, i don't know what is going on army twt, work work work but I couldn't keep you waiting more love.
it's been a long week for the both of you — namjoon especially. between his early mornings and very late nights, he hasn't found a moment of time to spend with you. until tonight. and he missed you— a lot.
so you did what anyone would do, you crawl into his lap on the couch and kiss him like you've wanted all week. and part of you wants to take it slow, but fuck, that's impossible when he's been looking at you that way all night. making you shiver under his constant gaze.
he couldn't keep his eyes off you.
you hum as you move to straddle his strong thighs. his hands grasp at your hips as you start grinding on the growing bulge of his cock. namjoon lets out a deep groan.
you grab his face in both hands softly, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his lips. your tongues meet messily.
already soaking, namjoon slips his cock between your folds with almost no resistance. the thick stretch never fails to make you gasp out his name. you can feel every hard inch as you begin to move.
“fuck, darling…” he breathes out.
"joon, o-oh fuck.”
his chest tenses up as you start to rock faster. “ah, there you go, baby. fuck… jus' like that f'me.”
you're whining into his mouth, his words stirring something deep within your core, this time more intense. you grind against him faster, desperate to chase the pleasure.
he growls. "shit… this pussy was made for me."
“nngh don’t stop, don't— ohhh… ”
namjoon's other hand is gripping your plush hip so hard, you'll definitely find some small marks there the next day. he harshly guides the movement of your hips, but it's clear who's the one setting the pace for tonight — and it isn't him, this round.
fucking into you deeper, he forces you to stare into each his eyes. he wants to be able to see every reaction you have.
"yeah baby," he pants out. namjoon swears you just clenched tighter around him. "you gonna ride it — fuck — like you mean it?"
"fuck, joon. you c-can't... say shit like that t'me wh—" he cuts you off with an intentionally hard thrust to tease you. "nngh fuck."
namjoon lets out a dark, low laugh. he knows exactly what he does to you. "why not darling?"
his words send a out fresh gush of your wetness around his cock.
he loved watching you lose yourself on his cock, but god, he loved watching you ride him into oblivion more than anything. it was the way your hips had a mind of their own and you didn't hide your pleasure — he felt himself folding even faster for you.
"taking my cock so good, nngh."
“joon, ‘m so c-close. keep going baby— please."
your velvet walls pulse around him so perfectly. namjoon's thrusts become even rougher, losing yourselves in the shared pleasure. he snakes a hand up to cup your breast, squeezing it roughly. you arch in response and seconds later, his mouth is hot around one of your nipples
the stimulation makes your hips rock with more vigor, getting more soaked by the second. namjoon feels like he's going insane. "ohhh fuck— yes baby, jus' like that."
the angle of his cock shifts ever so slightly and hits your spongy spot, making you see stars. "joon, please. m'gonna cum," you whine.
"so needy..."
you're gasping out his name, head thrown back and he's memorized.
you cum hard around him, moaning so sweetly. he twitches every time you clench harder around him, riding out the rest of you high and soon milking his own.
"mmh, fuck baby. did s'good for me," he growls into the side of your neck, filling you with deep strokes. his arms shake around you, breath stuttering. he doesn't pull out right away, just holds you close to him and lets the weight of your body slowly into his.
a few moments later, your breathing calms and you smile up at him. namjoon's eyes are already locked on yours, smiling softly.
after a long moment, both of your breathing calms down. you begin to push yourself off his chest. his solid arms wrapped protectively around you squeeze a little tighter feeling you shift.
Three years. It had been three years of this—of late-night arrivals, quiet dinners tucked away in private rooms of restaurants, and endless weekends spent tangled in high-thread-count sheets in this quiet penthouse he’d bought for you. You loved Kim Seokjin with every cell of your being. He was your first in every sense of the word: the first man to make your heart race, your first kiss, the first person to whom you completely surrendered your heart and body.
You worshipped him. Whatever Jin asked of you, you did without hesitation. If he asked you to wait, you waited. If he preferred to keep your relationship tucked safely away from the eyes of the public, you swallowed your pride and accepted it. You had searched his phone in the early months, feeling guilty, but found absolutely nothing, no hidden texts, no strange contacts, no suspicious photos. So, you had reasoned with yourself: he was a high-profile CEO. Naturally, he wanted privacy until he was ready to make the ultimate commitment.
And you had talked about marriage. He’d kissed your temple late one night and whispered about a quiet future, an escape from the corporate noise. You knew, with every piece of your naive, devoted heart, that he was going to marry you one day.
Your mind drifted to how it all began—that rainy evening three years ago at a charity gala where you were working as a low-level organizer. You’d spilled a tray of champagne glasses, horrified as the crystal shattered across the marble floor. But instead of the scolding you expected, a tall man in a tailored tuxedo had stepped in front of you, shielding you from the venue manager's glare.
"It was my fault," Jin had said smoothly, his deep, resonant voice cutting through the tension. "I wasn't looking where I was walking. Please bill me for the damage."
When he turned to you, his dark eyes had softened. He didn't look at you like an inconvenience; he looked at you like you were the only person in the crowded room. From that night on, he pursued you with a gentle, overwhelming persistence.
He flooded your life with luxury, designer clothes, rare jewelry, trips to private islands. But you had never cared about his money. He noticed it from day one. Whenever he presented you with a velvet box containing something absurdly expensive, your eyes would immediately bypass the diamonds to find his. You searched his expression, desperate only for his warmth, his presence, his approval. You didn't love Seokjin the CEO; you loved Jin, the man who held you when you were sad and laughed at his own cheesy jokes just to hear you smile.
Even last night had felt so painfully sweet, though looking back, a strange shadow had hung over him.
He had come over late, carrying a small, elegant box. Inside sat a delicate ring set with a brilliant, tear-shaped diamond. He had slipped it onto your finger with careful, almost reverent hands.
"Can't wait to see our marriage rings one day," you had murmured, looking up into his dark, beautiful eyes, completely ignoring the fortune resting on your hand.
Jin hadn't answered your words. He simply hummed softly, a low sound in the back of his throat. He closed the tiny distance between you and pressed his lips to yours. But he was tensed—more tense than usual. His broad shoulders were stiff, and you could feel his lips trembling slightly against yours as he kissed you with a sudden, desperate intensity.
"I have a busy week starting from tomorrow," he had whispered directly into your lips, his hands gripping your waist just a little too tightly.
You had immediately pouted, wrapping your arms around his neck, carelessly pushing away the hand holding the expensive ring. "You're leaving me?" you frowned, leaning in to press soft, lingering kisses into the warmth of his skin right beneath his jaw. "I hate your busy weeks..."
You meant every word. You hated the days he went dark, the business trips that kept him away. You pressed closer, eager to leave a soft, passionate mark on his neck to claim him as yours.
But Jin had softly, firmly pulled you back before your lips could bruise his skin. It was done so gently, so tenderly, that you didn't even process the rejection. Instead, he leaned back in, his mouth trailing down your throat, pressing his lips hard against the junction of your shoulder until he left a dark, blooming mark of his own on your skin. A reminder of who you belonged to.
Next day, miles away in the grand ballroom of an ultra-exclusive estate, light shattered through crystal chandeliers, reflecting off thousands of white orchids.
It was a true luxury wedding, the event of the year for the business elite.
The media was barred from the entrance, but it was impossible to keep a lid on an event this massive. One of Jin’s younger cousins had snapped a quick, candid photo of the bride and groom at the altar and posted it online. Within minutes, social media was erupting. The enigmatic, brooding CEO Kim Seokjin was officially off the market.
On the center stage, soft jazz filled the air. Jin held his newly wedded wife, Jenny, in a slow dance. She wore a hand-stitched, million-dollar gown, her smile radiant for the cameras. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning up until her lips were inches from his ear.
"When are you going to leave your 'mistress'?" she whispered, her voice laced with sweet venom.
Jin’s brow furrowed, his eyes darkening instantly. The smooth, charming mask he wore for the crowd cracked for a fraction of a second.
"I believe we had a deal," Jin replied, his voice dropping into a dangerously cold, low register. "You get five prime commercial properties written under your name, and in return, I get to keep her. Do not cross the line, Jenny."
Jenny let out a soft, amused chuckle, resting her cheek against his stiff shoulder. "Jin, baby, look at reality. You are a CEO, a extraordinarily handsome rich man. Rich men marry women like me—for status, for family mergers, for power. People like her are mere mistresses. Men in your position are supposed to change mistresses every few months. But you’ve stayed with her for three whole years now. It’s—"
"It's none of your business," Jin interrupted, a tight, forced smile plastered on his face as he flawlessly spun her around to keep up the facade for the watching guests.
"It's just so annoying," Jenny continued, pulling back to look at him, her eyes sharp. "She seems to have you wrapped around her fingers. It's embarrassing, really, a powerful man strung along by some nobody—"
Jin didn't let her finish. He faked a polite, tight-lipped smile, stepping back and dropping her hands. "Excuse me. I need to use the restroom."
Without waiting for her reply, he turned on his heel and walked away, ignoring the calls of business partners and relatives as he retreated down a quiet, dimly lit marble corridor toward the private executive lounge.
Back in your apartment, the warm bathwater lapped gently against your skin. You were tracing patterns in the bubbles when your phone, resting on the wooden tray beside the tub, buzzed.
You picked it up, a bright smile instantly sweeping across your face when you saw his name.
"Aww, Jin," you answered, pitching your voice into a sweet, playful pout.
On the other end of the line, standing in the quiet solitude of a locked bathroom, Jin leaned his forehead against the cold mirror, letting out a long, ragged exhale. The noise of the wedding vanished, replaced entirely by the sound of your voice. Hearing you was like suddenly being able to breathe after drowning. A real, genuine smile finally touched his lips.
"I missed you so much," you continued, splashing the warm water teasingly. "I almost thought about burning your whole house down cause you didn't call me all day."
"I missed you too," Jin sighed. All the tension in his broad shoulders seemed to drain out of him at once, replaced by a heavy, aching longing. "I missed you so damn much, sweetheart."
"I'm in the bathtub right now," you murmured softly, your voice dropping into a relaxed, intimate purr. "It smells so good, and it's so warm... so relaxing. I'm actually a bit turned on. I really wanted you here tonight... I could have used some help."
Across town, surrounded by the hollow luxury of his own wedding night, Kim Seokjin closed his eyes tightly. His breath hitched sharply in his throat.
"Yeah?" he rasped, his hand tightening around the phone until his knuckles turned white. "Tell me more..."
"nah won't tell you nothing, you might have to wait until you get home"
Jin let out a low, breathy chuckle, the sound vibrating against the quiet marble walls of the bathroom. For a fraction of a second, he forgot where he was. He forgot the black tuxedo he was wearing, the gold ring heavy and foreign on his left hand, and the hundreds of wealthy strangers waiting for him just beyond the heavy oak doors.
"You're cruel, you know that?" he murmured, his voice dropping into that deep, velvet tone reserved only for you. He pinched the bridge of his nose, resting his elbow on the marble vanity. " teasing me when you know I can't just drop everything and come over..."
His voice trailed off slightly, a sudden, sharp ache blooming in his chest. I can't. That was the truth, wasn't it? Tonight, he couldn't just walk out. Tonight, he was bound by a contract, a marriage built on corporate power and greed, while the only woman he actually cared for was home alone, soaking in a tub he had bought her, dreaming of a wedding that would never happen.
"Fine," you giggled on the other end of the line, the sound of water splashing softly through the speaker. "I'll be nice and let you get back to your super important meetings. But you owe me, Jin. Big time."
"I know," he whispered softly, his eyes opening to stare at his own reflection in the mirror. He looked pristine, powerful, and utterly empty. "I owe you everything."
"You sound tired, baby," your voice softened, all the playful teasing instantly evaporating into genuine concern. "Are they working you too hard today? Did you eat anything?"
That was you. Always asking about him. Never asking for the expensive jewelry, never caring about his title or his money, only ever caring if he was tired, if he was fed, if he was happy. While Jenny spent the evening calculating how much his family's stocks were worth, you were worrying about his stomach.
Jin swallowed hard over the lump forming in his throat. "I'm okay, sweetheart. Just... a long day. A lot of nonsense."
"Get some rest as soon as you can, okay? I'll leave the porch light on for you whenever your busy week is over. I love love love you, my Jin."
Your words hung in the air, light and effortless, completely unaware of the crushing weight they carried.
Jin's hand trembled against the phone. He swallowed, the lie burning his throat, but the truth of his feelings forcing its way out anyway. "I love you too. More than you know. Don't... don't wait up for me tonight, okay?"
"I know baby, you have lots of big people work. Goodnight, my handsome CEO."
The call ended with a soft click.
Jin slowly lowered the phone, standing in the silence of the room. He stared down at his screen, at the wallpaper—a candid photo he had taken of you sleeping in his shirt six months ago, bathed in morning sunlight.
Suddenly, a loud knock rattled the bathroom door.
"Jin? Are you in there?" Jenny's voice filtered through, cold and impatient. "The photographers want the cake-cutting shots now. Everyone is waiting."
The illusion shattered. The warmth of your voice receded, leaving him cold.
Jin locked his phone, slipping it into his inner jacket pocket right above his beating heart. He smoothed down his lapels, wiped every trace of soft emotion from his face, and locked it behind the icy, unyielding mask of a CEO.
He opened the door, stepping past his new wife without a glance. "Let's get this over with," he said coldly.
Meanwhile, in your apartment, you set your phone down on the wooden tray and sank deeper into the warm water, a small, contented smile resting on your lips. You leaned your head back, closing your eyes, imagining the day he would finally come home, drop to one knee, and give you the real ring.
You had no idea that as you drifted off to sleep, the notification bell on your tablet in the living room was quietly going off—social media alerts popping up one after another, headlined by a trending photo of Kim Seokjin feeding wedding cake to his bride.
~~
The morning light broke through the sheer curtains of your bedroom, painting warm gold stripes across your bed. You stretched lazily under the soft duvet, feeling completely relaxed after your bath from the night before. Your heart was still buzzing with that familiar, warm affection.
walking barefoot into the sunlit living room, you grabbed your mug of coffee and picked up your tablet from the kitchen island to check the morning news, like you did every day.
The screen woke up, and immediately, an avalanche of notifications flooded the top bar. Trending alerts. Social media tags. News flashes.
You blinked, confused by the sudden chaos on your feed, and tapped on the top trending headline under the entertainment and business tab:
"THE WEDDING OF THE CENTURY: CEO KIM SEOKJIN MARRIES HEIRESS JENNY PARK IN ULTRA-EXCLUSIVE CEREMONY."
Your thumb froze over the glass.
What?
A nervous, breathless laugh bubbled up in your throat. "What kind of fake news clickbait is this?" you muttered aloud to the empty apartment.
You tapped the article, expecting some trashy tabloid rumor. But the page opened up to a massive, crystal-clear high-definition photo gallery.
The first image hit you like a physical blow.
It was a candid shot, lit by the grand crystal chandeliers of a massive estate. Standing at a floral altar was Kim Seokjin. He was dressed in an immaculate, bespoke black tuxedo, looking devastatingly handsome—just as he always did. Standing beside him was a stunning woman in a towering lace gown.
You swiped, your hand suddenly trembling violently.
Another photo: Seokjin holding her hand, slipping a thick diamond band onto her ring finger.
Another photo: Seokjin leaning in, his face inches from hers on the dance floor.
Another photo: Seokjin cutting a seven-tiered wedding cake, his signature, polite CEO smile plastered across his famous face.
The dates underneath were stamped: Yesterday evening.
Yesterday evening.
While you were sitting in the bathtub humming to yourself, teasing him about how much you missed him, he was standing somewhere promising his life to another woman, all while he was telling you "I love you too, don't wait up for me," he was at his own wedding reception.
The quiet, beautiful world you had built over the last three years shattered into a thousand jagged pieces in a matter of seconds. The realization didn't come in a wave; it hit you like an iron wall.
The secret relationship.
The sudden "busy weeks" that always came without warning.
The reason he never wanted to take a single photo with you.
The reason your relationship was kept in the dark, buried so deep that no search on his phone or laptop ever yielded a trace.
He hadn't been hiding you to protect your privacy until marriage. He was hiding you because you were the dirty secret. You weren't his future wife. You were his mistress. Someone he for sure wasn't proud to be seen with.
The mug in your hand slipped. It shattered against the hardwood floor, sending hot coffee and white ceramic shards splashing across your bare feet, but you couldn't feel a thing. Your lungs locked up, refusing to pull in air as tears instantly welled in your eyes, burning hot and fast down your cheeks.
"No... no, no, no," you sobbed, dropping the tablet onto the counter and backing away as if the screen was burning you.
You clutched at your throat, struggling to breathe. Your mind raced back to every sweet moment, every gentle kiss, every time he wrapped his arms around you and made you feel like the safest person on earth. It was all a lie. The care, the tenderness, the rings—it was all a beautifully built lie to keep you quiet while he prepared for his real life.
Your phone rang from the counter.
The screen lit up with his contact name. The custom ringtone you set for him vibrated through the silent apartment.
Jin.
Your heart hammered violently against your ribs. You stared at the phone as it bounced softly against the countertop, his name flashing over and over like a warning sign. He was calling you. Less than twelve hours after his wedding, he was calling you.
The phone vibrated continuously, the quiet hum of the motor echoing off the cold quartz counter and sending tiny ripples through the puddle of spilled coffee on the floor.
Jin.
His name burned on the screen. For three years, that notification had been your primary source of joy—a warm signal that he was thinking of you, that he was free, that he was coming home. Now, it looked like an insult. A sick joke.
Your fingers shook uncontrollably as you reached out, swiping the screen to accept the call. You pressed the phone to your ear, but you couldn't speak. Your breath was trapped in your chest, hot and jagged.
"Sweetheart?"
His voice came through the speaker, low, smooth, and laced with that familiar, easy warmth. There was no strain in it, no guilt, no frantic rush. He sounded like a man who had just stepped out of a routine morning meeting.
"I woke up thinking about you," Jin said softly, the faint sound of paper rustling in the background indicating he was likely in his private executive suite. "I know I said I'd be busy this week, but I'm going to try to clear my schedule tonight. I can come over around eight. Does that sound good?"
Silence stretched over the line. You closed your eyes, a single tear spilling over your lashes and dripping down your chin. You could hear the faint murmur of his assistant through the line, confirming an appointment, followed by the soft click of a door closing as Jin sought privacy.
"Y/N?" His tone shifted slightly, the easy warmth giving way to subtle concern. "Are you still there? Are you alright?"
"S-sorry the connection seems lagging" you tried sounding normal.
Jin let out a low, soft sigh of relief through the receiver, the subtle tension leaving his posture as he settled back into his plush leather chair. "Ah, I see. I thought for a second something was wrong." He paused, his voice softening into that velvety, intimate tone reserved strictly for you, the tone that used to make your heart flutter, but now sounded like ice water running through your veins. "You sounded so far away."
You clamped a hand over your mouth, biting down hard on the flesh between your thumb and forefinger to stifle the violent sob rising in your throat. You looked around the sunlit living room. Everywhere your eyes landed, there was evidence of his so-called devotion. The original oil painting hanging over the velvet sofa. The imported marble coffee table. The high-end appliances, the designer wardrobe filling the bedroom closets, even the very deed to this luxury penthouse resting safely in your desk drawer, completely legally bound under your name.
He had taken care of everything. He had bought you a life of absolute safety, financial freedom, and unmatched comfort. He had wrapped you in silk and gold, ensuring you would never have to worry about a single bill for the rest of your life.
And you hated it. You hated every single thread of it. None of it was love. It was compensation. It was the price he paid to keep you tucked away in a cage, a soft and sweet secret to return to whenever his real, sterile life as a high-society CEO became too suffocating.
"I'm... I'm okay," you managed to force out, your voice tight, thin, and brittle like dry leaves. You stared down at the spilled coffee soaking into the hem of your pajama pants, the broken ceramic shards gleaming mockingly under the morning sun. "Just... tired. I didn't sleep well."
"You worry too much when I'm away," Jin murmured softly, a small, fond chuckle slipping from his lips. You could almost picture him leaning back, resting his jaw on his palm, looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows of his executive suite. "I told you not to wait up. Did you drink warm milk like I always tell you to?"
"Jin..." Your voice broke slightly on his name, a soft, pathetic murmur.
"Hmm?"
Why didn't you tell me? Why did you make me love you like this? Why did you let me build my entire world around a man who belonged to someone else?
The questions screamed in your mind, burning your throat, but the love you had nurtured for three long years was an intoxicating, treacherous poison. Even now, staring at the blatant proof of his betrayal, part of you was terrified of the sharp, final edge of reality. You were terrified of hearing him confirm it out loud, terrified of hearing the cold, corporate detachment that would inevitably replace his warmth once the secret was officially out. You felt a sickening guilt, an absurd, tragic instinct to protect the fragile illusion just a little bit longer, simply because facing the truth meant losing the only man you had ever worshipped.
"Are you... really coming tonight?" you asked quietly, your fingers gripping the edge of the quartz counter so hard your knuckles turned white.
"I'm going to do everything I can," Jin replied smoothly, his tone utterly unshaken. "I have a few press conferences and high-level meetings to clear, corporate obligations, you know how tedious they get. But I'll handle them quickly. I want to see you, sweetheart. I need to see you."
Press conferences. You closed your eyes as a fresh wave of tears tracked silently down your cheeks. He called his wedding debriefs and joint corporate press statements with his new bride's family "tedious obligations."
"Okay," you whispered, the word tasting like ash.
"Get some rest today, alright? Don't stress yourself out," he said, his voice dropping into that tender, protective register that had fooled you for three years. "I'll let myself in tonight. I love you."
"I..." Your vocal cords seized. You couldn't say it back. The words felt like physical daggers in your throat. "Goodbye, Jin."
Before he could question your tone, you pressed the red button, cutting the connection.
The silence of the penthouse collapsed back onto you, heavy, suffocating, and absolute. You slowly slid down the side of the quartz island, unheeding of the wet coffee stain on the floor, and pulled your knees tight against your chest. The tablet lay on the counter above you, its screen still faintly glowing with the high-resolution photo of Kim Seokjin, immaculate and breathtaking, holding another woman's hand in front of the world.
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SUMMARY -> jungkook, a divorced single dad, falls for his daughter’s nanny.
TROPES -> she falls first he falls harder, yearning, age gap, angst, hurt comfort, absent mother, jungkook is a little pathetic
now playing: bad religion - frank ocean˚.⋆♪
SERIES MASTERLIST ❦ MAIN MASTERLIST
PREVIOUS CHAPTER ❦ NEXT CHAPTER
10: soju
the digital clock on the microwave read 10:48 p.m. you checked it again. then your phone. still nothing. your thumb hovered over your messages for what had to be the tenth time that night. there were no texts, missed calls, or updates.
just the last message he'd sent hours ago.
company dinner tonight. i might be a little late.
a little?
you looked at the clock again.
10:50.
your lips pressed together. arin sat cross-legged on the living room rug in her pajamas, coloring with her tongue poking out in concentration. every few minutes she'd glance toward the front windows.
"daddy’s taking forever."
you forced a smile.
"he probably got caught talking."
she nodded.
"daddy talks a lot at work."
that made you smile despite yourself. you looked at your phone again. nothing.
the knot in your stomach tightened.
it wasn't your business where he was.
he was your employer. he was a grown man.
he didn't need permission to stay out late. you knew that, but he'd never done this before.
not without telling you. he was meticulous. if traffic made him five minutes late, he'd apologize. if a meeting ran long, he'd text. if plans changed, you always knew.
tonight there was…nothing.
arin yawned so hard her whole body leaned forward.
you immediately looked over.
"sleepy?"
she rubbed both eyes, “a little."
you smiled softly, “come on."
she held both arms up dramatically, “carry me."
you laughed.
"you're getting too big for that."
"no i'm not."
"you absolutely are."
"pretty nanny..."
you sighed dramatically, “fine."
she giggled triumphantly as you scooped her into your arms.
"i win."
"you always win."
"i know."
you carried her upstairs, her cheek resting against your shoulder. she smelled like strawberry shampoo. you tucked her into bed, smoothing her blanket over her little body.
"will daddy say goodnight?"
your heart pinched.
"he'll kiss your forehead when he gets home."
"...promise?"
you hesitated, then nodded anyway.
"promise."
she accepted that immediately. children were so trusting.
"night, pretty nanny."
"goodnight, sweetheart."
you brushed hair away from her face.
within minutes, she was asleep. you quietly pulled her bedroom door almost closed before making your way downstairs again.
the house felt...wrong.
too quiet.
too empty.
you glanced toward the driveway through the front window.
still dark.
11:26.
your irritation had slowly transformed into something heavier: worry.
what if something happened?
what if he'd fallen asleep behind the wheel?
what if—
headlights.
you shot up from the couch so fast your blanket fell onto the floor.
a black sedan slowly rolled into the driveway.
your shoulders sagged with relief.
then immediately tightened again.
because the car wasn't moving.
it sat there for several seconds. too many seconds. your brows furrowed. finally, the passenger’s door opened. jungkook climbed out.
at least he tried to.
he stumbled against the side of the car, one hand catching himself on the roof before he laughed quietly to himself. your eyes widened.
he was drunk. very drunk.
he eventually managed to close the car door, though it took him two tries. his tie hung loose around his neck. his dress shirt was untucked on one side. his hair, normally so neat, had been completely destroyed by his own hands.
he looked adorably disheveled.
you did not find it adorable. you marched toward the front door. the second you opened it, cool night air swept inside.
jungkook looked up.
his face lit up immediately.
"oh." he smiled. it was a slow, sleepy smile, "hi."
you crossed your arms.
he blinked, “h-hi?”
your jaw clenched. “do you know what time it is?"
he frowned thoughtfully, “night?"
your eye twitched.
"it's almost eleven-thirty."
he looked genuinely surprised.
"is it?"
"yes."
"huh."
he seemed fascinated by that information. you were not.
"you didn't call."
he stared at you. he slowly reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and looked at the screen.
"i forgot."
your jaw dropped.
"you forgot?"
he nodded once.
"i think so."
"jungkook."
he looked at you with those soft, glassy eyes.
"yeah?"
your frustration had been simmering for nearly three hours. now it finally boiled over.
"do you have any idea how worried i was? how long your daughter waited?"
his smile disappeared.
"she kept asking where you were."
silence.
"i didn't know if you'd gotten into an accident."
you took another step toward him.
"i didn't know if i should call hospitals."
his eyes slowly widened.
"i didn't know if i should call your parents."
your voice cracked despite yourself.
"i had no idea where you were."
the silence stretched between you. jungkook stared at your face. really stared. you looked upset. not professionally concerned, not politely disappointed, upset.
because of him. you'd been worried.
his heart, dulled by alcohol, somehow felt everything even more intensely.
"you waited up?"
you blinked, “of course i waited up."
he swallowed, “for me?"
you looked at him like he'd asked the stupidest question imaginable.
"yes, for you."
something inside him melted completely. he took one slow, unsteady step toward you. his voice came out quieter now.
"you cared about me."
it wasn't a question. it sounded like wonder. like no one had ever waited up for him before. you sighed, every ounce of anger mixing with relief.
"yes,” you rubbed your forehead, “i was worried."
he just stood there looking at you. his cheeks pink from alcohol. his eyes impossibly soft. he looked so happy that someone had cared enough to be angry.
you let out a long breath through your nose.
"come inside."
jungkook blinked.
"...am i in trouble?"
"yes."
he frowned like he was genuinely disappointed in himself.
"okay."
he followed you obediently, though "followed" was generous. he drifted. stumbled once. caught himself on the wall. you sighed again before stepping closer.
"give me your arm."
he looked at you. then immediately did exactly as you asked.
his sleeve was cool beneath your fingers as you steadied him. he was heavy. solid. his shoulder brushed yours with every uneven step.
"you're really warm," he mumbled.
"that's because i'm alive."
he smiled lazily.
"you’re so smart."
"don't flatter me."
you guided him into the living room, easing him down onto the couch. he practically collapsed into the cushions with a quiet groan.
"stay."
he looked up at you.
"where would i go?"
"good point."
you disappeared into the kitchen. your hands were shaking more than you wanted them to. you'd been terrified.
now that he was home and safe, all that fear had turned into pure irritation. you filled a glass with water, grabbed two pain relievers from the cabinet, then walked back into the living room.
he hadn't moved. he was sitting exactly where you'd left him, elbows on his knees, quietly watching the floor. you held the glass out.
"drink."
without a word, he took it.
his fingers brushed yours.
you pulled your hand away almost immediately.
he noticed. of course he noticed.
he took a slow drink before setting the glass on the coffee table, “thank you."
"you're welcome."
it was short. polite. distant.
the room fell quiet. he studied you for a long moment. his thoughts, softened and loosened by the alcohol, wandered somewhere they probably shouldn't.
"you've changed."
your hands froze where you were straightening a throw blanket.
"what?"
he looked up at you.
"you don't talk to me anymore."
your stomach dropped.
"i talk to you."
"not like before."
you looked away.
"you're drunk."
"i am."
he nodded thoughtfully.
"but i'm right."
you busied yourself collecting one of arin's crayons from beneath the coffee table.
"you should take those."
you pointed toward the pain relievers. he ignored them.
"you used to be so friendly."
silence.
"you used to smile at me."
you swallowed.
"i still smile."
he shook his head slowly.
"not the same."
your chest tightened. he wasn't supposed to notice. you'd worked so hard making sure he didn't notice. he leaned back against the couch. his voice was quieter now.
"did i do something?"
you laughed softly. too softly.
"no.”
another lie. he frowned.
"then why does it still feel like you're hiding?"
you stared at the floor.
"you're imagining things."
"i'm not."
he knew you.
at least he'd started to.
you'd been sunlight when you'd first walked into his house. now it felt like clouds followed you whenever he entered the room.
you still laughed with arin. still hugged her. still sang while helping her brush her teeth.
but with him, everything was measured.
careful. professional. it hurt more than he expected.
"is it because of yoonseo?"
your head snapped toward him. he saw it. the tiny change in your expression.
there.
that was it. he let out a slow breath.
"i fucking knew it."
you opened your mouth. closed it again. he rubbed tiredly at his face.
"nothing happened."
you stayed quiet. he gave a small, humorless laugh.
"i guess from your perspective,” he looked around the empty house, “it probably looked like we were..."
he couldn't even finish the sentence. his face scrunched up in what could only be interpreted as disgust.
"...we're not."
another silence settled. then he spoke again.
not because he planned to.
because alcohol had stripped away every instinct telling him to keep his personal life to himself.
"we weren't together very long.”
you looked at him despite yourself. his eyes stayed fixed on the coffee table.
"dating, i mean. less than six months."
you hadn't expected that.
"we were young. dumb. horny. reckless. she got pregnant."
he smiled bitterly, “our parents thought there was only one acceptable solution."
his fingers turned the empty glass slowly.
"a shotgun wedding." he laughed once, “everyone congratulated us." his smile disappeared.
you watched as he took in a deep breath.
"i don't think either of us actually understood what we were promising."
you listened quietly.
he wasn't looking at you anymore. it was almost like he was talking to himself.
"she didn't want any of it."
he paused.
"what do you mean?" you asked.
"she didn't want america."
another pause.
"she didn't want to be somebody's wife."
his thumb traced circles against the side of the glass.
"she definitely didn't want to become jeon yoonseo."
his voice cracked with tired amusement.
"she hated changing her name. i still don’t get why the fuck she did it." he laughed dryly.
you stayed perfectly still.
he broke the silence, "she missed home."
he looked toward the dark windows.
"she missed korea. she missed the life she'd planned."
he was quiet for several seconds.
"i kept thinking she'd settle in."
a faint shake of his head, “i kept thinking if i worked harder..."
he stopped himself. his lip trembled slightly.
"that was stupid."
you'd never heard him speak like this before. so openly. so honestly.
"when arin was two,” he swallowed.
"she left."
the room seemed to get even quieter.
"she went back to busan for a while.”
his voice wasn't angry anymore. just tired.
"eventually she remarried."
you blinked.
"she has a husband now."
he nodded once.
"in seoul."
another pause.
"they're building the life she always wanted. it just wasn't with us."
your heart broke. not because you pitied him. because of the way he said us. not me.
us.
he wasn't mourning a marriage. he was mourning the family arin never got to have.
"she doesn't come very often," he continued quietly, “actually, she never comes.”
he finally looked at you. his eyes were glassy, though you couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or something else.
"she hasn't really been a mother in a long time. arin still gets excited. every single time."
he laughed under his breath, "she still thinks maybe this visit will be different."
you felt tears sting your own eyes. he looked down at his hands.
"i don't tell her not to hope."
another long silence.
"i don't know if that's the right thing."
he shook his head once.
"but i can't be the one who takes that away from her. i don’t have the heart.”
you sat down in the armchair across from him. the anger you'd been carrying all night had quietly dissolved into something else. something gentler. something that hurt.
jungkook looked up at you.
"i just didn't want you thinking..."
he struggled for the words.
"that there was still something between us.”
his eyes met yours, “there isn't." his voice was steady despite everything, “there hasn't been for years."
the room fell silent again. outside, rain had begun tapping softly against the windows.
inside, neither of you spoke.
for the first time in days, the wall between you felt just a little less solid.
you stood there for a long moment.
the house had gone completely quiet. the only sounds were the rain against the windows and the soft hum of the refrigerator from the kitchen.
he looked so tired.
not the kind of tired that sleep fixed. it settled somewhere deep inside a person. it was something that could only be cured with the comfort of another person.
you hated that you still noticed. you still cared.
slowly, you crossed the room and lowered yourself onto the opposite end of the couch. you left plenty of space between you.
he noticed anyway.
his shoulders relaxed just enough for you to see it.
neither of you spoke. he stared down at his hands.
you stared at the rain. your heart hurt. now you knew. you knew why yoonseo looked at him the way she did. you knew why arin clung to him so tightly. you knew why he'd looked so lost all those mornings. you hadn't imagined the loneliness, it had been real.
"i'm sorry," you whispered.
the words felt painfully small. he looked over.
“for what?"
you shook your head.
"everything."
you smiled, but it wasn't much of one.
"i'm sorry things turned out that way."
he watched your face quietly. there it was again. that wall. you were still sitting beside him. still speaking softly. somehow you felt farther away than ever.
you glanced toward the front door.
"i should probably head home."
his head snapped up.
"already?"
you nodded.
"it's late."
you started to stand, “i'll see you on monday."
before you'd even straightened completely—
"don't."
his voice was quiet, but immediate. your fingers tightened around the strap of your purse.
"what?"
he looked almost startled by his own words.
then, just as quietly:
"...don't go yet."
your heart skipped.
he rubbed a hand over his face.
"please."
that word almost undid you.
you looked at him for a long moment.
he looked small. not physically. emotionally, like asking you to stay had cost him something.
you slowly sat back down.
"...okay."
he let out a breath so relieved it almost sounded painful.
"thank you."
another silence settled. this one wasn't uncomfortable. just fragile. he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
"i don't know what i'm doing anymore."
his voice was barely above a whisper. you looked over at him. he laughed quietly. without humor.
"every day i feel like i'm pretending."
his hands rubbed together absentmindedly.
"i know how to be her dad… i think. but i don't know how to be everything.”
your chest tightened.
"i don't know how to be two parents. i don't know how to be her mother. i don't know how to brush little girl's hair properly."
a sad smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, “i still can't do those stupid pigtails."
you remembered. one always sat lower than the other. arin never seemed to mind. he did.
"i don't know what clothes she's supposed to wear together. she tells me purple and red don't match."
your lips twitched despite yourself, “they don't."
he looked at you.
"see? i wouldn't know."
he looked back down again, “she asks me questions i can't answer."
his voice had become so quiet you almost had to lean closer to hear him.
"about growing up. about being a girl. about things she would've asked her mom."
he swallowed.
"and i just..."
his jaw tightened.
"i'm trying."
the last two words nearly broke you.
because he wasn't making excuses. he wasn't asking for sympathy.
you looked at your hands. you wanted to tell him he was doing an incredible job.
you wanted to tell him arin adored him. that she felt safe because of him. the words rose all the way to your throat, then stopped.
the wall.
you'd built it for a reason.
you stayed quiet. he noticed. of course he noticed.
"then you came."
his voice pulled your attention back to him. he was looking at the floor again, almost like he was embarrassed to say any of this.
"and everything got easier."
your breath caught.
"not because you did anything huge."
he shook his head.
"it was all the little things. a lunch packed without me asking. a permission slip i forgot. remembering she doesn't like strawberries touching the syrup."
he laughed softly.
"teaching me how to use fabric softener."
your eyes burned.
"you started worrying about me. nobody worries about me."
your vision blurred.
"you'd tell me to eat. you'd tell me to sleep. you'd fuss if i skipped breakfast."
he looked over at you then. his eyes were glassy.
"it felt..."
he hesitated.
"nice."
your throat tightened painfully. he looked away again.
"for the first time since the divorce..."
his voice faltered, “coming home didn't feel empty.”
you couldn't breathe. he continued anyway.
words spilling out because he'd held them in too long.
"arin laughs more. she smiles all the time. she asks if you're coming over before she asks what we're doing that day."
his smile trembled, “she's happier."
he looked down at his hands again.
"and so am i."
silence. the rain outside grew heavier. he inhaled shakily.
"i got used to being around you."
your eyes closed for just a second. he had no idea what he was doing to you.
"then, you started looking at me like i was just your boss."
he finally met your eyes. there were tears there now. he didn't even seem to realize they were falling.
"i know i don't have any right to ask for more,” his voice cracked, “i know."
another tear slipped down his cheek.
"but it feels like—“
he looked away before finishing, “it feels like i'm losing you."
your heart shattered. he wiped quickly at his face, frustrated, “s-sorry.” he let out another laugh. completely broken, "i've had too much to drink."
you couldn't do it anymore. you couldn't sit there and watch him cry from the other end of the couch. before you could think better of it, you moved.
just a few inches.
not much.
but enough.
your hand hovered uncertainly before gently resting over his.
he froze.
your own eyes filled with tears.
"you're not losing me," you whispered.
the words escaped before the wall could stop them. his fingers instinctively curled around yours. not tightly. just enough to hold on, like someone afraid to let go of the only steady thing they'd found in a very long time.
neither of you said anything after that.
you didn't have to.
the silence between you had changed.
not into a confession.
not into romance spoken aloud.
just two lonely people sitting close enough to remind each other that neither of them had to carry everything alone for one quiet, rain soaked night.
his thumb brushed against the back of your hand without either of you realizing it.
the contact was featherlight.
he stared at your joined hands for a long time.
"i'm sorry."
you frowned, “for what?"
he laughed quietly through his tears.
"this."
he gestured vaguely toward himself.
"i don't usually…" his voice failed him.
"i'm usually better than this."
you looked at him gently. "better?"
he nodded, "at keeping it together."
he laughed again.
"i've spent years pretending i'm fine."
you shook your head, “you don't have to pretend all the time."
he looked up at you. really looked at you.
there was no judgment in your face, just concern. the same concern you'd walked through his front door with months ago. the same concern you'd tried so hard to hide these past two weeks.
he smiled sadly.
"why do i look weak?"
you blinked, “you don't."
he shook his head.
"in front of everyone else, i know exactly who i'm supposed to be. the ceo. the father. the machine. the one with the answers.”
he looked back at you with impossibly gentle eyes, “in front of you..."
his fingers tightened around yours ever so slightly, “i am weak."
your breath caught.
“i don't feel like i have to keep pretending."
the words settled over both of you.
you couldn't speak. he wasn't asking you to save him. he wasn't asking you to love him. he was telling you something much scarier: that he trusted you.
you felt your eyes sting.
"that's not weakness," you whispered.
he smiled.
"maybe not."
another quiet silence passed. he watched your face the way someone might watch a sunrise, like they were afraid it would disappear if they blinked.
"i've been trying to figure out what changed. after the play, “his voice was thoughtful now. “i kept thinking i'd said something. or done something. i replayed that whole day."
he let out a slow breath, “i'm sorry."
you shook your head immediately, “you don't have to apologize."
"i do. i saw you leave. i knew you were disappointed."
he laughed softly at himself.
"and i still let you get into that car without explaining anything."
your vision blurred.
"i thought—“
you stopped yourself. he waited patiently.
"i thought i was getting attached where i shouldn't."
his heart cracked. you still weren't talking about yourself. you were apologizing. even now.
"you've never been somewhere you shouldn't."
the words came out before he could stop them. your eyes lifted to his.
he held your gaze, “not once."
the room felt impossibly small. rain continued tapping against the windows. the clock ticked quietly somewhere in the house. neither of you moved. finally, he smiled.
he looked at you with an openness that made your chest ache, “i miss you a lot."
the confession wasn't dramatic. it wasn't passionate. if anything, it sounded almost confused. like he'd only just realized how true it was.
"i miss being able to sit next to you without feeling like you're trying to disappear."
you could no longer hold the wall together.
it had taken days to build and hours to maintain. one quiet, honest man had dismantled it in minutes.
before you realized what you were doing, your hand came up.
you held his hand between both of yours. not because you were thinking. because your heart got there first. his eyes closed. just for a second.
he looked at your hands wrapped around his like they were something precious.
something he didn't deserve to hold.
his thumb slowly brushed against your knuckles again. it was almost reverent.
"you're so kind."
you smiled sadly.
"you're drunk."
"i know."
he nodded once.
"but i've known that for a while."
you tilted your head.
"known what?"
his eyes searched your face. they were glassy. soft. completely defenseless.
"you're kind."
he laughed quietly.
"too kind."
you felt your cheeks warm.
"that's just the alcohol talking—“
"no."
his answer came immediately.
"that's me."
he leaned back against the couch cushions with a tired sigh. his gaze never really left you.
"i keep trying not to look at you."
your heart skipped.
"mr. jeon."
"see?" he smiled, “you call me that now."
your stomach twisted. he noticed everything.
"you used to always call me jungkook."
your lips parted. you hadn't even realized you'd stopped. he gave another sleepy laugh.
"i miss hearing my name."
you looked away, “you're going to be embarrassed when you remember this tomorrow."
"probably,” he didn't sound concerned. “but i still mean it."
you shook your head gently.
"that's not how being drunk works."
"isn't it?" he asked, “doesn't it just make people say the things they were already thinking?"
you didn't answer. you couldn't. he watched you for another long moment.
then, so quietly you almost missed it—
"i think i'm in love with you."
the room stopped. your heart slammed against your ribs.
he'd said it so simply.
like he'd just admitted the weather was nice.
your eyes widened.
for one impossible second, everything inside you cracked open.
then reality rushed back in. he was drunk. very drunk. he'd had far too much to drink. he was exhausted. heartbroken. overwhelmed.
people said strange things when they were drunk.
your mom always joked that drunk people would tell strangers they loved them in bathroom lines.
this was that. it had to be.
your expression softened, “you're really drunk, jungkook."
he frowned, “i am."
"let's get you to bed."
he looked disappointed. like you'd misunderstood him. “i wasn't joking."
you smiled gently.
"i know."
he blinked.
"you do?"
"i know you don't mean it like that."
your voice was impossibly soft, "you're exhausted. you've had a really hard week. your emotions are all over the place."
you stood, offering him your hand, “come on."
he looked at your hand. then took it. “okay."
he followed you without protest. halfway up the stairs, you stopped outside arin's bedroom. he frowned sleepily.
"why are we stopping?"
you smiled, “because i made her a promise."
he looked confused.
"she asked if you'd kiss her goodnight when you got home.”
understanding slowly spread across his face.
"oh."
you opened the bedroom door as quietly as you could.
moonlight spilled through the curtains.
arin was curled beneath her blankets, one stuffed bunny tucked beneath her arm.
she looked impossibly small.
jungkook's entire expression changed.
every trace of drunken silliness disappeared beneath something impossibly gentle.
you guided him closer.
he knelt carefully beside the bed.
his movements were clumsy.
he brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead.
then leaned down.
pressed the softest kiss against her skin, “goodnight, princess."
his voice was barely a whisper. arin stirred. her nose scrunched.
her sleepy eyes cracked open.
"...daddy?"
he smiled. the biggest smile you'd seen all night.
"hi."
she reached one tiny hand toward him.
he took it immediately.
"you came home."
"i did."
"nanny said you would."
you smiled from the doorway.
arin's sleepy eyes drifted toward you.
she smiled too.
"...hi."
"hi, sweetheart."
"did you eat dinner?"
jungkook laughed quietly.
"that's my question."
arin yawned so widely her whole face disappeared.
"love you."
"love you more."
she was already asleep again before he'd even finished the sentence. you watched him stare at her for another few seconds.
his eyes glistened. then you gently touched his shoulder.
"come on."
he nodded.
you led him down the hall.
to his bedroom.
you'd never been inside before.
the doorway alone made you hesitate.
this felt too personal. too private.
you'd spent months carefully staying on your side of invisible boundaries.
his bedroom had always been one of them.
he wandered inside without noticing your hesitation.
you followed only because someone had to make sure he actually got into bed.
the room surprised you.
it was neat.
almost painfully so.
gray bedding.
dark wood furniture.
books stacked beside the bed.
a framed picture of arin on the nightstand.
nothing else.
it somehow felt lonelier than the rest of the house. he sat down on the edge of the mattress with a tired sigh.
you crossed quietly to his dresser.
opened the top drawer just enough to find a clean t-shirt and pajama pants.
you set them neatly beside him.
then stepped closer.
"is it okay if i..."
you gestured toward his tie. he nodded immediately. your fingers found the knot. carefully loosening it.
he watched you the entire time.
not your hands.
your face.
your lashes lowered in concentration. the tiny crease between your brows. the way you bit your lip without realizing it.
"...you're beautiful."
you laughed softly, “that's enough."
"it's true."
"that's definitely enough."
you slipped the tie free. folded it neatly. set it over the back of a chair.
when you looked back, he was still watching you.
with that same unbearably soft expression.
"i meant what i said."
you smiled sympathetically, “i know."
"no."
he shook his head slowly.
"i really think i'm in love with you."
your heart squeezed painfully.
poor thing.
he was going to be mortified tomorrow.
you walked over and gently pulled the blankets back for him.
"you need sleep."
he didn't move.
"will you believe me tomorrow?"
you smiled in the way people smile at children who insist the moon is following them home.
"let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow."
he looked like he wanted to argue.
instead, he quietly changed into the clothes you'd laid out while you respectfully turned toward the window.
once he climbed beneath the blankets, you switched off the bedside lamp. only the moonlight remained.
you walked toward the door.
your hand found the knob.
"goodnight, jungkook."
"goodnight."
you looked back one last time. he was already fighting sleep.
eyes half closed.
hair a mess against the pillow.
"i love you."
the words were barely audible.
slurred by exhaustion. you smiled to yourself.
"goodnight."
you pulled the door shut behind you.
the latch clicked softly into place.
alone in the hallway, you leaned back against the wall and let out a long breath.
your face was burning. your heart wouldn't slow down.
"he was drunk," you whispered to yourself.
of course he was. people said all kinds of ridiculous things when they were drunk.
he would never actually love you. why would he?
he was jeon jungkook.
successful. handsome. accomplished. the kind of man who walked into a room and everyone noticed.
you'd seen the women who smiled at him. polished women in tailored suits at company events. elegant women who belonged beside men like him. women closer to his age. women with careers as impressive as his. women who knew how to carry themselves with effortless confidence.
women who made sense.
and then there was you.
a college student.
his nanny.
the help.
you spent your days wiping sticky fingers, folding tiny clothes, and making dinosaur-shaped sandwiches.
you weren't glamorous. you weren't sophisticated. you didn't belong in his world.
you just happened to be the girl who looked after his daughter.
he'd been lonely tonight. tired. drunk.
maybe, for a little while, you'd felt comforting enough to mistake for something more.
but morning always came.
and with it, reality.
you smiled sadly.
then made your way downstairs, never realizing that every word he'd spoken had been the sober truth finally escaping because, for one night, he no longer had the strength to keep it hidden.
author’s note:
the new chapter’s out!!! so sorry for the wait, i had a lot going on personally, and since this chapter is so significant to the story i just had to get it right!!! i hope you guys like it, i was kinda self conscious about it🤍
˙⋆✮ They say having feelings for your brother’s best friend is never a good idea…
But loving Jungkook feels like the easiest thing in the world.
He’s been by your side for as long as you can remember, so it’s only natural for you to feel devastated when your brother, Dohyun, tells you that Jungkook is about to get married.
For the first time ever, loving him doesn’t feel easy at all.
𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 : brother’s best friend!jungkook x f!reader
𝙘𝙬 : age gap (jk is 32, reader is 22 ops), tension, reader is WHIPPED, pining, initial unrequited love (my fav), eventual smut (!!adding new warnings when needed!!), slow burn
A/n: These are just some Jin scenarios I had in the drafts for a while. Hope you enjoy domestic Seokjin.
For other works → Masterlist
SFW version
1. When you wake up before him and keep staring at him until he wakes up. Whenever he finds you staring and you're unable to look away, he gets all shy and blushy because being looked at with such love was not how he planned on starting the day but he has no complaints.
2. When you drop by to give him a surprise when he's with the other members. He'll come and meet you definitely, obviously but his ears would be so red because his girlfriend visited him at work. And if you by chance give him a quick peck on his cheeks in secret before leaving, he'll turn red, tomato red.
3. Bringing him snacks while he's gaming. You won't even say a word but just keep a bowl of fruit or a box of chocolates for him and ruffle his hair before leaving. You'll almost always find him coming back to you later in the night telling you how much he couldn't stop smiling when you stopped by.
4. Talking about something he doesn't know about with full passion. It could be anything, sports, food, wine, universe, books. It doesn't matter. He can listen to you talk all day and just wonder how smart you sound to him when you really could be making stuff up. The reason why it makes him blush is because he can't believe that you're next to him. He's a simp for you.
5. This is almost rare but at times when he's making something for you and you already know the recipe then you'll sit on the kitchen top and tell him the next step. He finds it fascinating that though you claim to be a bad cook, you tend to remember recipes well.
6. Sending him your weird selfies during the day when you're apart. At first he was the only one who did it by showing where a mosquito bit him or that he bumped his head but the first time you did it, he couldn't stop blushing and thinking about you. Turns out, he still reacts the same.
NSFW version
1. Kissing his knees when he's wearing a ripped jeans (you're not weird, you're just laying on his lap when you do that or maybe not...)
2. Bite his earlobe, think it's self explanatory, it gets him going besides you both know that's not where you're stopping so.
3. Kiss his fingers, he thinks they're crooked and he'll tell you every time he realizes it but if you'll kiss it and tell him that you think they reach the right places, his system will shut down. exe.error.
4. Flirting in a low voice. It's mutual but you have the tendency to say the most hottest thing in the most nonchalant manner.
"The shirt looks really good on you... But it'll look even better when I take it off tonight."
He knows you're in public, he knows it shouldn't affect him but it does. So much. He'll literally grab you and reach for the car. Socializing can wait.
5. Pinning him anywhere. Bed. Door. Wall. Chair. Floor. It'll turn him red. Whatever the outcome maybe, this is the point where he's sure he's never seen a hotter woman.
6. When you're on your periods and are somehow horny and you kiss him constantly because you've got to vent it out somehow, he understands it but it does something unexplainable to him.
"what's with all the kissing baby? Are my lips that nice?"
"You're too goddamn hot and I'm too horny for you. I need to do something about it or I'll go crazy."
Safe to say he turns red, completely red and ends up kissing all your sexual frustration out of you.
7. If he's flexing his workout and you only praise him further.
"Baby, are you looking at this?" He'll flex his biceps.
You'd smile and touch his bicep and he'll flex it even further but then you'll praise him that he looks good, that his hardwork is paying off, that you've never seen a man with better biceps, and if you go in further detail, he'll lose it.
Worse, if he's flexing and you kiss his bicep. He's done for. No more Mr. Nice. That's the man you just complimented and he'll show you in every other way how much your praise mattered to him.
Tags: Childhood bestfriends to lovers| Non Idol×fem!reader| Post Military Jin| hurt/comfort| Angst| lots of misunderstandings/ miscommunication| Fluff| slow burn| MDNI | Explicit Smut|
WC: 11.7k | For other works→ Master list
A/n: Fortunately this took me less time to write than the first part but I was genuinely excited and happy while writing this part. So, I hope you don't hate me for the WC and enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it. Special mentions of "Hate You" by Jungkook for inspiring me to keep writing. There is definitely going to be more works on this genre.
Summary: After 18 months of military service, Jin, your childhood best friend has returned and so has much more..
Perhaps there were some questions you'll never know the answers to. Perhaps you'll always run out of time to confess what you truly felt for Jin. Maybe in the race of winning his love, you'll always lose because someone will always beat you to it.
Your heart sank in your chest the moment your eyes fell upon Jin. You had gone around the whole room looking for him and when you did, your heart dropped. You turned around just as soon as you had seen it as if turning around would make you forget what you had seen, as if you'd forget the twitch of pain you felt.
He was with Ha-Yun, dancing. His hands resting on her back while she leaned in to whisper something in his ears and he had laughed. A soft laugh you had heard often. They seemed comfortable.
And only thought crossed your mind, it could have been you. It could have been you if you had reached there soon. If you had taken his hands in your own sooner than her.
A bitter feeling rose in your chest at the thought of the two of them together. Ha-Yun had only talked to you an hour before about wanting to ask him out and in the time you were weighing your decision, she had already made her move. She didn't even know you liked him. She even told you about it then why were you bitter? Because she actually did something about her feelings? But it wasn't wrong of her to do that. She liked him and now she was making it clear. She wasn't you. She didn't wait for the right moment, she did not calculate all the risks involved, she did not think if he was going to reject her, instead she went for it. You hated her spontaneity but perhaps that's why she had been in and out of love while you have been stuck on Jin for longer than you've realized.
And so you realize that you've missed your chance, yet again.
Hoseok was right. While you waited for the correct moment, you've already lost him to somebody else. Jin wasn't going to wait for you. Time was not going to wait for you. This is what you have always done, waited and waited and you'd wait longer until someone else would come in and take him away.
Whatever courage you had momentarily found after talking to Hoseok had now disappeared. Perhaps this is how it'll always be. Carrying the weight of your feelings, alone.
Pained you try to leave the party silently before it even ends without telling Jin, however, as if you were connected through a magnetic pull, he found you, just as you were waiting for your cab to arrive.
“Do you have teleportation skills or what? It's really hard to find you today.” He asked, running out of breath. It seemed he had run here.
You shook your head, replacing your bitter emotions with nonchalant expressions. Right now you wished you possessed those skills so you could escape him.
“Looked everywhere for you inside.” He huffed.
“Why? Did you want something? I was just bidding my parents off.” You replied.
Jin looked at you quizzically for a second, “is something wrong?”
You shook your head, your face expressionless.
“Are you feeling unwell?” He asked again, concern lacing his voice. He really couldn’t figure what could have happened in the span of an hour that you were desperate to leave without even telling him. Why didn't you tell him you were leaving? The last time he had seen you, you were laughing on the balcony with Hoseok but right now you seemed far from the person he had watched from a distance on the balcony. His concern was justified.
You still shook your head, denying.
“Did someone say something to you?” He asked, stepping closer to you. His concern only bothered you more because you knew his concern came from a place of friendship.
“I’m really fine. I’m just cold waiting for my cab."
The moment those slipped past your mouth, he had taken off his jacket and hung it across your shoulder gently even though his expressions seemed irritated, mumbling something about waiting outside in the cold. You weren’t surprised at his gesture, he had done that too many times for you to count without realising its effect on you.
Before you knew it he was snatching your phone away from your hand and cancelling your ride.
“Jin, what are you doing? Do you even know how long it took me to get a cab?” Irritation and frustration were clear in your voice but in your attempts to take your phone back, you stumbled over your foot and collapsed into Jin who instantly held you, his hand supporting your back instantly while the other grabbed your waist.
You stay in that position for a moment, staring at him, your heart beating loudly at his gaze, unable to look away from him.
“Are you okay?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together while his hands remained on your body.
Clearing your throat, you pulled away from his grasp after a moment and took your phone away from him, “I’m-okay, just tired. Try standing in heels for 3 hours and you’ll know.”
“Then give them to me.” He was joking but you didn’t know whether to be irritated or laugh at him but it dissolved some of your composure which he was quick to notice and smiled at his victory.
“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he didn't even wait for you to answer, instead he just grabbed you and headed towards his car. You had no other option but to comply with his wishes. As you always have.
You remained quiet in the car, not having the heart to look at Jin, not having the heart to satisfy your curiosity if Ha-Yun really had asked him out but it didn’t mean he didn’t look at you. He couldn’t help but be concerned for you. To him you seemed distant
“Y/n, are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to stop at the pharmacy?” He asked. All his attention lingered on you.
You shook your head, "I'm okay."
"Y/n, do you want me to punch someone? Should I turn around?" He was joking obviously and it worked, a little at least.
You turned to him and he finally smiled as if he was happy that he had won your attention.
“Can I ask you something?” You finally asked, your hands fumbling in your lap.
“Whatever you want.” At this point he was willing to answer even the absurdest question as long as it would mean you’d look at him, that you’d talk to him.
“Have you ever thought about what we would be if we weren’t best friends?” This time you turned your head to look at him.
Jin's attention faltered from the road and spared a glance at you, "Why wouldn't we be friends?"
"You think we'll always be best friends? Even if we had met some other way. Some other time, some other place?"
You watched him smile and he reached your hand over your lap, "any other time, any other day, any other universe, I will always choose you as my best friend."
You smiled sadly as you stared at your hands in your lap. Best friends. That's what you'll be.
So much for hoping for more.
"I saw you dancing. It looked like you had fun." That's all you said before you leaned against the window and closed your eyes. Even if Jin had a reply, you didn't hear it. You don't think you wanted to.
You don’t realize when you slept until Jin softly tapped you awake and you noticed you have reached your place.
The car felt much warmer than it had been when you first sat in. It had been him. You apologized for falling asleep and reached the door but he stopped you.
“Y/n, just wait.”
You watched carefully as he leaned behind your seat and took out a bag. You waited as he opened the bag to reveal slippers inside it.
"Wear these."
You stared at him for a second longer as he leaned forward and kept the slippers adjacent to your feet.
You realized at that moment why you loved him. It wasn't because of familiarity. It was because he was who he is. He would do the bare minimum but your heart would flutter because nobody had ever done it for you so you would think it special but that's just who he was. Just like now. The way he offered you his jacket without thinking, how he had turned up the heater in the car so you slept comfortably, that he had carried spare slippers and offered it to you. You loved him for the things he didn't even pay attention to, he did those things thoughtlessly but to someone who had been hopelessly in love with him for years on end, it anchored your feelings to permanence.
You wanted to ask if he did that for every one but you knew you wouldn't be able to appetize the answer so you don't. Not after you had seen him with Ha-Yun. Even if he did it for everyone, just for tonight you could feel special but tomorrow you'll remind yourself again that it wasn't special. It's just him being himself.
Jin's expressions were unreadable as you smiled at him and said, "Always know how to make a girl feel special."
You took off your heels and slipped into comfortable slippers he gave you.
“Are you really that tired or is it something else?” He asked.
“I really am that tired,” mentally but you don’t tell him that.
“Do you want me to cook you something?” He asked, worried.
You shook your head with a pursed smile, “Just need some sleep, that’s it. You should go home.”
He couldn’t ask any further. If there was one thing he knew you did was shut off every time something would happen and all he could do was wait for the time when you’d be able to come and talk about it. Over the years he had seen that multiple times, there were even patterns but he was oblivious of it.
He doesn't ask anymore, instead he just watched you walk away from the car, towards your building. Alone in the car he sighed, and then he took out his phone and texted you.
[12:47 am]
Seokjin: Whatever it is, I hope you're okay. I'm here for you.
You don't see Jin for a while. At first it was unintentional, it really had been a busy month with auditing but then it had become intentional.
You were avoiding Jin, to protect your own heart. To erase everything Hoseok had given you hope for and go back to your normal life. To pretend you weren't in love with your best friend because that was the only thing you knew how to do. All because you had received pictures from Hoseok when you were working at the office on the weekend. It was a picture of all three, Jin, Ha-Yun and Hoseok on an amusement park ride and attached to it was a picture of just Jin and Ha-Yun eating ice cream sitting together. Hoseok had sent a "?" to ask you what was going on and you will not deny, you zoomed in on the picture to see both of them eating chocolate ice cream but all you had sent back was a thumbs up and told him to have fun together.
Jin had of course asked you to accompany them on the plan but he didn't force you and you really wanted to focus on something else for a while so you had denied. And you were glad you did.
Then a couple of days later you received another dinner picture then another week later you received another picture. But in all honesty you were able to switch to your normal life, one that wasn't built around Jin even though you still kept thinking of him. You were finally able to suppress your feelings for him. You were willing to wait on the side line and maybe someday you'll be able to move on, let go of any hope you never admitted you carried.
But just how you can't push the door close when there's pressure from the other end, you too came crashing down in a single night on Jin's birthday.
You were meeting him after a long time and momentarily you forgot you had created a distance between you two. All your suppressed feelings came to the surface. One look at him and you forgot that you had been in pain because of him, you forgot that all these weeks you avoided him so you could learn how to dismiss all your hopes. You forgot you had practiced the art of loving in silence.
Tonight your love was loud, shattering, even bitter. You had let yourself melt in the hug when you wished him and he told you that it had been so long since he last saw you that he was forgetting your face, that he missed you, and actually said the words. And that was perhaps the first mistake. You shouldn't have forgotten but you did. You shouldn't have let yourself get carried away.
You laughed with him, drank with him, talked with him, even danced with him. For the first time in a while you truly felt that it was just about the two of you. It truly felt easier to be around him, to be with him. For the first time in a while you didn't feel the crushing weight of missing your chances with him.
But all it took was one glance at Ha-Yun and Jin talking and laughing in the kitchen and you were instantly reminded of the months of rebuilding you had done. All the walls you had built up.
Right. You were always the second option.
Your eyes lingered on their figures in the kitchen long enough for Hoseok and even his friend to notice it and like a good friend Hoseok did the only thing he knew, distract you.
"Y/n, you wanna play?" Hoseok asked, blocking your vision. You turned to the video game his friends had put on and with a forced smile you agreed. It was going to be your escape mechanism.
You spent a good part of the night gaming with other boys, drinking, eating that you barely register how many drinks you had drunk. In trying to drown Jin and Ha-Yun's voices, you had been louder, your laugh had been louder, your drinks had been more and inevitably it took a toll on you late at night when you stumbled on your way to the washroom.
You didn't even know Jin had followed you into the bedroom when you went to the washroom. You stayed there for a long time, collecting yourself, washing your face, just staring at yourself in the mirror for the absurdity of tonight. You couldn't even recognise the person in the mirror but you promised yourself that if this was becoming unbearable you'll take space from Jin until you were better.
You had been there long enough and Jin grew worried by every passing second. After you were in there for over 15 minutes, he decided to knock and ask if you were fine.
"Y/n, are you alright in there? It's been a long time."
Maybe you didn't heard him so he knocked again. But after the third attempt, you hear the knock and opened the door.
And there he was, his hair dishevelled, hands in the air as if he was about to knock again, his eyes wide that showed just how worried he was.
You smiled at him and nodded, "I'm okay. Just needed some time. You know I'm not a social person."
He wasn't convinced though. He grabbed your hand and made you sit on the bed as he kneeled in front of you.
"I'm okay, really-"
"Do you know how many drinks you had?" He asked, finding the bottle of water on his nightstand and opened it for you.
You pretentiously thought for a moment but it made him more worried so you just chuckled and told him the truth, "maybe 5 or 6? Definitely not more than 6."
He shook his hands in front of you in a fast wave, "how many fingers are these?"
You rolled your eyes, "three. Are you done?"
He grew relieved and offered you water.
"had me worried there for a second when you stumbled in here. Thought you were throwing up." He said watching you drink the water.
You smiled at him, "what would you have done had I not opened the door?"
"knocked it down." There wasn't even a hint of quip in his voice. It sounded like he really would have.
You patted his shoulder and snickered, "and made me pay for the damage?"
He shook his head trying to stifle his laugh.
You follow his face, your face adorned with a smile. You poked his face as he tried to keep a serious demeanor.
"Come on, I'm okay. You've seen worse."
He took your hand that was poking his face and looked up at you.
"I can't be sure, you're old now."
You gasped loudly, making him laugh. You mockingly touched your heart.
"I'm never recovering from that statement."
He was still laughing but he took a seat next to you.
"There's definitely a lot of truth to it."
You rolled your eyes at him, "says the man whose birthday just turned him a year older."
"Please, I'm young at heart." The statement made you laugh and you momentarily lean into Jin, one he doesn't push away instead you think he leaned into you.
Once you both stop laughing, you stared at both of your feet lying adjacent to each other. He was wearing pineapple socks you had given him last year while he was still in the military. You smiled at the memory.
"Do you have a foot fetish?" He asked as he noticed your line of sight.
You made a disgusted face at him, "do you ever use your brain before speaking?"
His lower puckered out that you couldn't bring yourself to look away from, then smiling he shook his head, "if I have to use my brain when I'm with you then why are we friends?"
And there it hit you again. Friends.
You couldn't help but scoff inwardly at the word. Friends weren't supposed to think about kissing while looking at their lips.
He nudged you when you didn't say anything.
"What's wrong?"
You let out a breath and divert the question, "Are you and Ha-Yun going out?"
The question shocked him to say the least. He was taken aback at the sudden inquiry, his face turning into a frown.
"Who told you that?"
You shrugged, "saw you in the kitchen. You both seemed cozy."
Jin looked at you as if he couldn't believe whatever you said, disgusted even but he tried not to show it.
He shook his head, "told you I wanted to enjoy my single life while I still could."
You closed your eyes, chuckling in disbelief, "Right."
"Why? You don't believe me?" He asked.
You shook your head, "that's not it."
"Then what?"
"Someone like you can't be single for long."
"and why is that?" He seemed curious.
You turned your gaze at him, looking in his eyes.
"Because you're every girl's dream."
He really couldn't help but laugh in utter disbelief.
"I'm being honest. If I screamed from the top of the building and asked who wanted to date you, an entire line would pull up."
He had an amused reaction, his eyebrows shooting up, "you really think?"
You nodded.
"Well then I'm glad you're not in that line." He said.
You keep staring at him at the complete oblivion of your feelings for him. Not once had Jin assumed you could ever feel for him the way you do. How quick he had always been to dismiss the idea of anything more.
So you keep staring wondering if he'd really ever figure it out on his own if you never told him.
"What?"
But you don't know if he would have because you told him.
"You are my dream. You've always been my dream, Jin."
An unattainable dream.
His breath physically stops short, his face suddenly horrified, all the blood rushes away from his face, turning him paler than he was.
"Y/n-"
"I love you."
You didn't even know tears had prickled in your eyes until you felt a drop on your cheek. And then you realize that he wasn't looking blurry because of the alcohol but because there were tears in your eyes.
Tears because after all these years you had finally confessed what you felt and you can't even describe the weight that was lifted off your heart.
He knew. He finally knew.
And as you had always expected, he doesn't say anything to you. His face goes blank. In every scenario you had ever thought you've always reached a conclusive end where the sentence always starts with 'But I don't..' and right now you weren't eager to know what he could have said instead you waited to see how long it would take for him to tell you that he didn't feel the same and break your heart.
You didn't wait for reciprocation, you never have, instead you waited for a heart break. The truth you have always known.
And then he finally spoke,
"Y/n- I don't.." and he paused.
You don't know if it was because he was finding the right words or he was trying to soften the blow but it was enough for you to know that the more you stayed here with him, the more your chest constricted, the more your throat went dry and the more your heart physically ached in ways you didn't even know was possible.
Taking your sign, you stood up.
"I'll leave."
It was finally done. You've ripped your years-long band aid off. You had told him how you felt. He didn't feel the same way and now, finally you can move on. Or try to.
"What?" Confusion was clear on his face.
"I'll just leave." You sniff, collecting yourself together, standing up.
"Y/n, you're drunk." He sighed and stood with you.
"And how does that make any difference?" It really didn't. If anything you were glad alcohol gave you the courage to confess.
"At least let me drop you off."
You shook your head. You were afraid that if you stayed a second more you'd crash into the floor with pain, with this unimaginable pain you could never explain to him.
"I need to be alone."
"Y/n, stay-"
You shook your head and took your leave.
You didn't even make it home properly before tears streamed down your face. You don't even close the door properly before you slip against it and over the floor clutching your chest at the pain you felt. All these years of loving him and you had never felt the insurmountable pain that you felt now because this was finally real. All your imagination had failed you, reality was more bitter than even the worst expectations. Nothing had hurt the way this did, not even when he had cried in your arms for somebody else but the weight of his silence, the weight of his rejection had been too much.
And nobody prepares you for the pain you feel when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you.
Like every other person you had a naive hope that just maybe, just maybe he would have taken you in his arms and told you that he loved you too but he didn't. Jin didn't. Instead what you were met with were the exact words you had always feared. All your hope finally crumbled like glass, you were crumbling in pieces and you didn't even know what to do.. there was no best friend to run to.
That night you didn't only lose the one person you loved but you also lost the only person who was your home. You've lost your best friend and it left a bigger hole in your chest.
You don't know what you hated more as you cried a river until the morning.
Telling the truth to Hoseok came much, much later but he was there for you then.
For days you cried, sometimes on your own, on your way back from work, while watching TV. And there were times when you just felt the pain but no tears came.
Hoseok then held you when you felt numb and as you cried until you had no tears left but he didn't know how to make it any better just like you didn't. He didn't even know what to tell you because he couldn't ask you to move on from the person you've been in love with for years and you don't ask him to tell you anything, you only asked him to stay with you when you missed Jin.
There was however one thing he said that you tried not to pay attention to but you also knew one day you'll have to face the music.
"You need to talk to him. Not right now but whenever you are in a better place. Tell him that you need space instead of icing him out."
By that he meant to ask you to not throw two decades of friendship to waste. You knew even if you iced him out today, there was going to be a day when you'd have to face him whether you liked it or not.
You just didn't expect that day to come this soon. 2 weeks of no contact was broken at a family lunch. You had tried getting out of it, refused the invite too many times but your mother threatened to show up at your place if you didn't show up. You knew you'd have to face Jin and there was nothing that prepared you for that. At last you decided, you'd leave earlier so you wouldn't have to stay for the whole thing.
You were finishing setting up the table when Jin arrived. Your eyes averted to him at the door and he couldn't take his eyes away from you either but you were the first one to break the staring contest. You don't greet him, you weren't there yet but there was a part of you that hated not being able to talk to him. You missed him dearly but this was for your own sake.
You didn't speak to each other during lunch at all even as you sat across from each other, even when you both reached for the same thing, even when he coughed choking on a spring onion. It was like two strangers at a table and it was so foreign because you've never known these faces of each other.
"Why are you two so quiet today? Did something happen? Y/n, did you beat him up?" Your father asked.
You gasped, "Appa¹."
Jin intervened, shaking his head, "I'm just stressed. Going back to work has been hectic..."
Jin took the whole conversation to himself, he kept talking about his return to work and you knew he did it to divert attention from the elephant in the room. He was trying to take the steam off you so nobody questioned you anymore and you felt a swell of pain in your chest at that. He was being considerate but you loved it and hated it the same. You didn't want him to be honest but you didn't need him to be your knight in shining armour.
Unfortunately, you weren't able to leave earlier. You should have known. By the time you decided to leave it was past 8 pm and you were outside debating whether you should take a cab or not when both of your families came out to bid you goodbyes.
"Y/n, did you bring your car?" Mrs. Kim asked. You politely shook your head.
"In repair. It broke down a few days ago."
"Perfect then, Jinie will drop you," she said excitedly. You both share a look with each other but you don't say anything.
Jin's father patted his back loud enough to hear a smack, "he was going to drop her anyway, isn't it?"
You hesitated telling them that you'd take a cab or take a subway but it would only result in more suspicion and Jin sensed that too. Better at you than tackling difficult situations he spoke up.
"I'll drop her off, don't worry. I'll just bring my car around." He said. You don't even get a chance to say anything before he is off to bring the car.
You stayed there with boxes full of food both the mother's packed for both you and him, not even packing it in separate boxes. They said you could split it on your own. If only they knew that you haven't even spoken to each other in 2 weeks.
Just in time he brought his car and opened the door for you. He took the boxes from your hands and kept them in the backseat before getting in the driver seat.
As soon as you both were far enough from the house you finally spoke up, "Drop me off at the nearest train station. I'll go from there. You can take the food with you."
"So, you can speak." He doesn't hide his sarcasm at all. He doesn't even try to hide the fact that he was fuming. You saw his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel tighter. His jaw clenched but you didn't say anything about it. You didn't know you could have said that would make this situation any better.
"Jin, we just crossed the station." You said as soon as the train station went past you.
"I know." He replied. His attention never turned away from the road.
"Drop me off right there, I'll walk till the sta-"
"If you don't want to talk to me, don't, but I'm dropping you off." His anger was visible in his voice.
"Jin, stop the car-"
It only took one look from him before you shut up.
"If you want to sleep you can. I won't say anything."
Defeated, you don't intervene further. You knew he would never let you go alone as long as you were with him. That's not who he was.
And for the first time silence felt the heaviest. You couldn't help but constantly think about how much you missed him. If you hadn't opened your mouth on his birthday right about now he would be making you laugh with some dad joke. If you hadn't told him how you felt, he would be talking non stop and you'd be mesmerized to see him talk. If you hadn't told him how you felt, you wouldn't be missing him when he was right next to you.
He only spoke to you when you reached your apartment and he helped you carry boxes of food upstairs.
"You can keep these boxes." But as he didn't hear you in the car, this time you don't.
You opened the door to your apartment and immediately entered the kitchen, placing boxes on the counter.
"I'll leave-"
"I'll transfer these into other boxes so you can take them." You tell him already searching for the boxes.
"I said I don't need th-"
"Would this be enough?" You showed him the boxes. Sighing he nodded.
He watched you as you transferred the food in other boxes in silence. There were so many things he wanted to say, things you wanted to tell him but neither of you spoke up. Tension thick enough that it could not be cut with a knife either.
And after you were done you handed him the boxes, "You don't have to return these."
He nodded.
"And, don't save me the next time our parents say something. You can tell them the truth."
Whatever composure Jin was carrying with him collapsed when you said it.
He scoffed, dropping the boxes back on the counter, "told them the truth? What truth are you talking about Y/n? That I've been texting you for the last two weeks and you haven't returned a single call, a single message, that you were icing me out?"
You nodded, "Yeah, you can tell them that."
He let out a frustrated scoff, his hands running through his hair.
"Aren't you being too much? I only ever asked you if we could talk."
Your face clenched and your voice rose as equal as his, "and talk about what exactly?"
"Talk about us, Y/n, Us!" His voice grew even louder. You've rarely seen him as angry as he was right now.
"What 'us' Jin? There is no us! I told you how I felt-"
"and then you stormed away. You couldn't even own up to your confession."
It hurt you, it really hurt you the way he spoke to you. No matter what had happened between the two of you, he had never used that tone with you before and you couldn't tolerate his anger. He didn't deserve to be angry. You did.
"How else do I own up to my confession? Should I tell you again? Should I lay out to you, text you, scream from the top of the building, or tell everyone in passing that I love Jin and embarrass myself more if this wasn't enough."
He turned away from you, his chest heaving and suddenly as if he couldn't take it anymore he turned around and came closer to you, "For starters you shouldn't have told me that when you were drunk."
You bit the inside of your cheek and stepped forward so you were facing him, standing tall against him, your tears threatened to spill your eyes but you stood firm, "Don't tell me anything about drunken confessions. At least I didn't drunkenly kiss you and pretended it never happened."
Struck with a blow his face turned pale, "You-"
"I remember that kiss. The one you lied about. It was so easy for you to lie about it but I can't lie about it. I wouldn't. I'm not you. If you want to pretend my confession never happened for you, go ahead but I wouldn't turn away from my confessions like you did." You didn't know where all the bitterness came from but letting out the truth felt much free.
"Why didn't you ever say anything about it?" His voice, though still angry, was suddenly much calmer.
"about what?"
"About the kiss? Why did you pretend it never happened?" He closed his eyes for a second letting out a long breath. And although his voice was calm, his demeanor wasn't.
"Because-" you tried to say something, but nothing came out.
"Because what?" He asked again.
"Because I didn't know how to. You were in love with someone else and you were in pain because of some other girl. I couldn't stand there and accept that we kissed and ask if it only mattered to me."
Your heart shattered as you saw his eyes well up with tears. He was angry for whatever reason and you could understand that but you couldn't understand why this would make him cry.
"Your problem is that you never confronted me. That's why you stormed out that night. That's why you can't own up to your confession."
It pissed you off to no end. You didn't want to hate yourself for loving him, you didn't want to hate yourself for kissing him, you didn't want to hate yourself for confessing to him because you already did but you never imagined, you never wanted him to use your confession as a weapon against you. You hated it and you hated him right for the way he was making you feel for loving him, for the way you told him how you felt.
"Get out." You said and then again, louder this time.
"I said get out."
Baffled, he stood there for a moment but when you didn't say anything again he turned around and left.
That night, you watched him walk away from your door. He didn't turn around, not even once but you watched him stay in his car for a long time before he drove away. And only then you cried. Only then you let yourself feel the pain of his words, only then do you hate yourself for hurting him the way you did, only then do you hate him for saying the truth.
He was right. You didn't own up to your confession. You couldn't. Why? Because you didn't want to hear the words "But I don't feel the same way." You loved him but you wanted to protect yourself from the earth shattering pain of actually hearing a rejection and you didn't think it was wrong. It was the only thing you could do for yourself and somehow Jin had made you hate yourself for it.
All that time you cried, in pain, in anger, it never occurred to you that he was angry too, and that you never asked why he was so mad at you when all you did was tell how you felt.
In all the fights you've had with Jin this was by far the longest, and the most hurtful but in a weird way it made it easier for you to deal with the outcome of your confession. The way you two had fought had left you angry with each other and you assumed he was pissed at you too because in the last 2 weeks he didn't reach out even once. Maybe it was all for the better, maybe you needed this to feel better because since that night you haven't cried even once, you felt sad but didn't cry.
And Hoseok said it was an improvement. After having seen you cry for and feel numb over Jin, he said the fight brought back some colour in you and you didn't know whether to laugh at that or agree to it. And so he called for a celebration in the most unusual way.
Clubbing.
You refused at first, arguing that you were more of a homebody and that clubbing wasn't your thing but in his words it was the best way to celebrate. And you felt bad for calling and crying to him so often that you decided you could do this for him. If something happens, you'll leave the place soon.
So, there you were dressed up in the same black dress you wore at Hoseok's parents anniversary because it fit the occasion really well and it was also the only black dress you had (Hoseok had given you a theme for whatever reason).
You entered the club alone because Hoseok said he was stuck in traffic. He told you to enjoy yourself for a while before he arrived so you let yourself be a little free. After weeks of wrenching pain, you allowed yourself a little freedom.
You sat at the bar and ordered drinks for the two of you and Hoseok arrived just a bit after you had ordered and he immediately took you to the dance floor without even greeting you.
In his words it was dumb not to dance at a club, so with a drink in your hand you danced uncomfortably at first but then you gradually remember your moves from your early twenties when clubbing was a frequent thing. You let yourself get mixed up in the electrifying air of the club. Bodies dancing, people screaming, drinks. You let yourself loose, you let yourself have fun, you let yourself forget everything that has happened with Jin in a while. At that moment everything could wait. You decided you deserved this.
But as if the universe had other plans, your eyes fell upon a man who looked too familiar to be a stranger. It was an uncanny similarity to the broad shoulders you've been used to seeing. You don't even realise when Hoseok was replaced by some other man behind you when the familiar man in front of you turned and it revealed to be Jin.
You almost gasped, you think you did but you're unsure as you kept watching Jin who had found you just as immediately as you had. He looked devilishly handsome and for some moments you don't remember the pain, the fight, all you remember is your love for him. All you see is your best friend you've been in love with for as long as you can remember. Your best friend who has always looked good in leather, your friend who looked unfairly hot, your friend tall enough to tower you, and every thought a friend shouldn't have went through your head.
You keep staring at him, watching his features twitch, especially the way his jaw clenched and the way he raised an eyebrow at you. It only occurred to you that he was real when you felt a hand on your back and you immediately realized that it couldn't have been Hoseok. He'd never touch you the way this man did and you visibly flinched. But before you could even react, turn around and shout at whoever it was, Jin had taken the matters in his own hands and had dragged you to him and for once you were glad that he did. A relief ran through you at the familiar figure but it doesn't take long before Jin is taking you out of the club and to his car.
"Not a word." He said before you could even say anything. You followed his lead as he opened the door to his car and you sat down quietly. It doesn't occur to you at all that you left Hoseok alone, inside.
All your focus was on the way Jin clutched at the steering and was speeding at an unusual speed. He was mad? That was your best guess but truth be told now that you were out of the club, you felt more relaxed. You were glad you had found Jin there even though you haven't spoken to him in days.
For the first time in a while Jin pulled up at his place.
"I thought-"
"Let's go upstairs and talk." That's all he said until you reached his apartment.
You entered his place to a citrus smell that you immediately identified because of the tangerines on the kitchen top.
"I'll do a cab and-"
"I thought you liked me?" He said, taking off his jacket hastily and tossing it aside.
"What?" You frowned.
"I thought you liked me but there you were at the club dancing with a random guy." His jaw was clenched.
This was frustrating. Whatever was going on between the two of you, it was irritating you.
"Why do you care?" You asked, taking off your coat as well. His place was unusually warm.
"I care if you dance with a random man." He said towering you and you realized then that you hadn't even made it into the living room. You were fighting again, at his doorstep.
"Exactly. Why do you care if I was dancing with a random man? It's not like you like me."
You watch him close his eyes and release a frustrated sigh.
"Why do you always have to have the last word? Why do you always have to assume everything? Why can't you just- for just one fucking time stop assuming you know everything about me!"
You scoffed with a sarcastic laugh and looked away from him for just a second then looked up back at him.
"You think I don't. I know you better than you know yourself."
He stepped even closer, making you take a step back, and another step and another.
"No, Y/n, you don't. You always assume everything. You always assume what someone is going to say to you. You always assume you know better. You always assume that whatever you think is right without caring if it's true or not."
Your face clenched again. You weren't going to stand there and take more of Jin's yelling.
"I can't fight with you again, I'm leaving." You said taking your coat and turning around to open the door but Jin's words stopped you dead in your tracks.
"You always assumed I never felt the same about you."
And for the first time today his voice had gone softer.
You turn too hastily to see him wearing a sad expression.
"You- you- what did you just say?"
Jin gave a small smile and took your coat away from your hand, dropping it without looking.
"Had you not stormed out that night, you would have heard the end of my sentences. You stormed out, then you ghosted me, then you fought with me. You always assumed that I was going to turn you down but you never asked me if I felt the same or not. You never asked what I felt."
All your emotions crash into you. Tears gather in your eyes and you feel yourself pulled towards him, "You like me?"
He chuckled and took your hand bringing you closer to him.
"Why didn't you let me say anything? Why don't you?"
You bit your lip, he was teasing you, testing you but you were too close to crying your eyes out.
"Jin- just- do you really like me?"
Knowing you well enough and seeing you frustrated, he cupped your face, "I do. Hell, I love you but you didn't let me say it. You rushed out before I could tell you that. Had you not assumed my response, you would have heard this sentence, Y/n, I don't think we should talk about this right now but tell me this tomorrow morning and I'll tell you that I love you too."
"That I love you too." He repeated and you felt a tear drop down your face that he's quick to wipe it away.
And then you let yourself weep against his chest as a huge weight was taken away from your chest. You were clutching at his chest because you couldn't believe that all along, all this time he had loved you too but your stupid self had pushed him away so that he couldn't even tell you that he loved you too.
Your unrequited love was no longer one sided.
"Tell me again." You said hugging closer to his body.
You feel his chest vibrate in a soft laugh and he said it again, caressing your hair, "I love you Y/n."
And then you look up and tell him again, this time without fearing he'll run away.
"I love you Jin, I've loved you for far too long."
His eyes poured into yours and he couldn't believe the words you have said. He really couldn't but this time instead of running away you leaned forward and kissed him.
You finally kiss him. Those soft pillowy lips you had kissed only once in a drunken state when you didn't even know what you felt but this time it was real, this was better, much better than anything you've ever experienced and more than you, he couldn't believe this was real. His hands slid into your hair and behind your neck as he intensified the kiss. You were crying but the more the kiss intensified the more you forgot to cry, the more you let yourself melt into the kiss.
And you lose it when without a warning his tongue grazes across your lips making you moan allowing him to slip his tongue past your lips.
Your hands fumbled at the collar of his shirt and before you could decide what to do with it, you pulled him closer, downwards to your height that he fumbled and you both crashed into the wall behind you making you break away from the kiss with a gasp.
You feel him smile against your lips but neither of you open your eyes.
"I can't believe I finally get to kiss you." He breathed.
You arched into him and said, "Why'd you stop?"
Hypnotized by you, he moaned and kissed you even harder now. This time he doesn't even let air get in between the two of you. His lips that felt like feathers before now seemed to pull at your lips, tug at them, making you lose whatever rationality you had left in your mind. This felt natural.
Kissing him felt like everything you've ever known but also every thing you can't believe you haven't been doing everyday.
One of his hands reached behind your waist and pulled you flushed against him while the other made its way into your hair. His lips mould into you like architecture, perfect, fitted. He quickly learned that pulling at your lower lip made you moan, that it made you gasp every time you would try to separate for air and he wouldn't let you because he wasn't done with you yet.
And just as naturally you learnt that he moaned the loudest when you rutted against him while your tongue was in his mouth. You realized that he liked his lower lip being tugged at but it drove him insane if you so much so even grazed your tongue across his upper lip.
You don't realize when his lips left your mouth and went down your neck. The pleasure had been too much. You only noticed it when you let out a loud moan and Jin had to practically pull away and look at you in amusement.
And so he did it again. He kissed your neck, then sucked at it, bit it and then ran his tongue over it in feather touch again eliciting the same reaction from you.
"Fuck-" he moaned against your neck and you really couldn't take it anymore. He had the most skilled mouth and you were wondering about hundred other ways he could use his mouth all over you and that thought alone drove you insane.
"You have no clue what this dress did to me that night." He was still kissing your neck, and you don't complain.
You smile at the sensation of his hand gripping your waist tighter.
"Bet it wasn't as much as your red shirt undid me."
He let out a moan at your response and pulled away to rest his forehead against yours, "I don't think you noticed but I couldn't take my eyes off you that night. Wanted to do so many things- thought about you in every way a friend shouldn't."
You looked him in his eyes and tugged at his shirt, "we've already ruined this friendship. Do everything you wanted to."
You didn't know a man's growl could make you feel feral but he did. He didn't stop, he didn't hesitate anymore. His hand reached the end of your dress and pulled it up until it was bunched against your waist. He doesn't even realise the effect he had on you, the way you were melting under his touch as his fingers grazed against your thighs or he knew exactly what he was doing and that's why he kept driving you insane.
And then his hand reached the string of your dress over your shoulder and pulled it away kissing your shoulder as he did.
"Do you like it?"
Your response came with sliding your hand under his shirt and touching him. He stopped physically for a moment as your nails raked his chest. And to make it worse your access to his neck and to kiss along his neck made him more desperate for you than he had ever imagined.
"Need to have you- Y/n, I can't-" he moaned and he slipped the other string of your dress.
"Need you too." You moaned next to his ear and that was all it took for him to take you into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him and manhandling you into the bed.
You smiled as he climbed on top of you, tossing his shirt aside, losing your sanity at his bare chest. His knees rested on the bed next to your thighs and he kept staring at your dishevelled state, your hair had proof of his hand running through it. Your neck had proof of his kisses, your lips swollen as an aftermath.
"Why are you staring?" You finally asked, feeling more naked than you were.
Then he leaned and kissed you on the mouth again.
"Can't believe my imagination is becoming real."
You chuckled but you ended up moaning as you felt his hands drop over your chest.
"I've imagined about you too."
He lifted his gaze to look at you. His eyes blown out with lust.
"Really?"
You nodded.
Then he smiled, smirked if you were right as he found the zipper of your dress and began taking off your dress. It doesn't take long before it's off and thrown away somewhere in the room and he's surprised at the sight of your bare chest.
He gulped as he looked at your chest. Blood rushed to your face as you realized your nakedness but as if he realised the actual purpose of taking off your dress he leaned down to your chest and whispered,
"Tell me everything you've imagined."
The request shocks you. You didn't know Jin was vocal in bed. You've thought of Him in bed in every way possible but never this. You had never imagined that but the idea of it alone generated a wet pool between your legs.
His fingers lightly grazed over your right nipple and he repeated, "tell me Y/n, what have you thought about me."
You gasped, your nipples hardening under his touch and just as you opened your mouth, his mouth found a better purpose on your chest. He placed open kisses between the valley of your chest leaving you a moaning mess and to make it worse his hands never left giving attention to your nipples, rolling and pinching it between his fingers.
"You- thought about your-" you moaned louder at a particular pull and Jin chuckled softly.
"about my what? My mouth?" He asked.
You nodded.
"Words, Y/n."
"Your mouth on- on my- breasts." You let out a heavy breath.
"Like this." And you whined, quivered at the way his lips sucked at your nipples. At first it wasn't harsh, only peppering it with kisses but the more you arched into him, the more he took your nipple in his mouth and sucked it, licked it, tugged at it with his teeth.
Your hand automatically fell into his hair and tugged at them but he intertwined your hands with his own leaving you quivering.
"What more? What else did you think about me?"
You shook your head, the pleasure was starting to get to you.
Jin pulled away from your chest and climbed over you so he was at face level with you.
He tuts, "I've barely begun."
You didn't mean to let out a moan but his words had you melting.
He smirked then leaned down to kiss your cheek, "is it too much?"
You immediately shook your head.
"Then do you want me to tell you everything I've thought about you?" He asked as if it wasn't the dirtiest question he had ever asked you.
You bit your lip then nodded, you really did want to know.
He smirked and before you knew it his hands were already pulling at your underwear and taking them off.
"Tell me if it's too much." It came as a sincere request but it didn't really look like he would stop if you told him that he drove you insane right now.
You nodded and then without hesitation he kissed behind your ear as his hand fell between your legs.
He had to have practice. An unusual amount of practice or he was just that talented because he immediately found your soft spot. Almost immediately he realized the pace at which you liked being touched. His thumb rested over your clit and began its circular movement then in between rubbing it gently.
You clutched at the sheets next to you as your neck arched backwards.
"Thought about touching you like this-" then tapped your clit, then one more time, then as if it wasn't enough his middle finger gathered the wetness between your legs and smeared it across your clit giving you a pleasure you didn't know you could attain, "- how you would look when I touched you like this. How wet you'd be for me."
You moaned louder at his words.
"how wasted you would be- how you'd let me touch you however I want. Will you let me?"
You nodded.
He climbed down your body, finding home between your legs.
"How you'll spread for me just at a simple touch." This wasn't enough. You needed him more and his words, god his mouth, spoke the filthiest things that turned you on even more.
And then he spread your legs. His hands pinning your thighs to the bed.
"So wet for me." He licked you, he actually licked you between your legs and you thought you'd cum right there with just a sweep of his tongue but you don't.
"Have you ever touched yourself at the thought of me?" He asked and it came to you as a surprise but then you look at him between your legs looking up at you expectantly while kissing your inner thighs just the same.
Damn the timing that made you miss all this.
"Have you?" He asked again and licked you again making you shiver. You needed him so bad so you nodded because you really have. You really have touched yourself thinking of him and never has it ever come close to this.
You saw him smirk, his face devilishly seductive that made it hard to look away especially when he looked this good between your legs.
"Let's see if I can make you cum harder than any time you've made yourself cum." And he licked and sucked at your clit. Your back arched with a loud groan of his name and you thought he liked your reaction because he only did it more.
He ate you harder, switching between your clit and your pussy and every switch made you scream his name. He ate you out with such precision, such attention that you crumbled too quickly in pleasure. You couldn't handle it anymore. His mouth felt heavenly on you, unfairly good. It was evil.
You knew it if he wasn't pinning you down to the bed, you would have pulled him away from your cunt but all your attempts to soften his process were in vain because he would only pin your hands over your lower belly.
His name slipped past your lips like a prayer and he didn't leave you until you were cumming all over his mouth, until you were overstimulated and close to cumming again.
"Jin- please." You whined.
"Please what Y/n?"
"Need you." Satisfied with your request he pulled up and kissed your mouth again. You could taste yourself on his lips and never have you ever enjoyed it as much as you did now.
"In my imagination I've made you cum more times but I guess I can do that later as well."
You had no reply. The thought of this being your new relationship had you feeling electric, everywhere.
So you kiss him harder and palmed him over his jeans. He almost collapsed over you when you ran your hand over his crotch.
"You don't come with a warning, do you?" He moaned, breathily.
It was now your turn. You sucked his neck to leave a hickey and whispered, "Do you think you can handle it?"
And then he really did fall into your neck as you found your hand inside his jeans undoing his belt. He felt big, bigger than you had ever imagined and rubbing him with your hand felt surreal. Sinfully surreal.
"fuck- if you keep doing that-"
"Thought about sucking you off."
"Fuck- Y/n, what are- fuck- fuck, fuck, baby-" his moans become more hoarse, more needy as you pulled his jeans further down and clenched him in your hands.
"Jesus- Y/n-" he was very vocal about his pleasure and you loved the effect you had on him.
You tut against his neck and whisper the same words, "I've just begun."
His teeth bit too gently because it felt like if he didn't, he would combust. You felt him shiver, quiver as you fisted his dick in your hand and pumped him in your hands.
"please- jesus- please-" he pleaded. You've never seen him like this but oh how much you loved this. Liked him as needy as he was.
"Pleading already?" Pumping him faster, you too groaned as his teeth grazed at a particular spot on your neck.
"I'll cum Y/n- I'll-" but his words get lost in a loud moan that you found instantly very attractive when your thumb swiped his precum at his head.
"Thought if you'd cum over my hand or would you cum harder if I sucked you."
In a flash his hands pulled yours away and pinned it next to your head. When you looked at his face, it was ragged with heavy breathing, his chest heaving and eyes blown out wide. He was more impressed than he could express. He's never had a woman whose mouth was enough to drive him insane but then again no other woman has been you.
Just you, only you had this effect on him.
"Need to be inside you or I'll really combust. Now."
And he doesn't give you a warning before his dick is slapping against your opening. With one hand pinning your hands above your head, with the other he held his dick in his hand and glided across your pussy making you whimper.
You knew he wasn't going to last very long and so were you. You both needed each other desperately, pathetically that you could jump his bone if he didn't enter you now.
"Shall I- protection?" Your heart melted for a split second then you shook your head.
"birth contr-" but the words don't even slip out fully before he's asking you another question kissing you again.
"You really want this, right? It's not too much, is it?" His mix of sexiness and absolute innocence and sincerity swallowed you whole. Your love for him grew tenfold. It was a simple gesture but at that moment you couldn't even explain why you liked it so much.
You kissed him and agreed, "More than ever."
And then he entered you, slow at first, giving you time to adjust all the while he kept kissing you making it easier for you to take his big dick inside you.
He was big, you knew it now when he struggled to fit in but that also made you equally wet and easier to slide in further.
"Shit- so tight Y/n. How-" thrust "-are you so-" thrust "-so tight."
You back arched as he hit deeper inside you.
"Jin- fuck- faster, please." And then he hesitated no more.
The room filled with louder moans, your name leaving his mouth like a learned recitation and the sound of your skin against each other drove you crazy.
"Would have you like this everyday- if you'd let me." He moaned, his hands intervening with yours.
"Would you let me?"
And you nodded, hastily, too quickly.
"So- big- uh- fuck-" the last word came out with a louder scream as he hit a particular spot inside of you.
And he kept hitting over and over again as he whispered into your ears how much he liked having you wrapped around him, how much he had thought of crumbling under him.
"would have fucked you that night- in the bathroom of that party- that's how much I wanted you," he confessed and somehow it made you feel ten times nicer about that night.
"You should have. Instead of flirting with other girls-"
"flirting? Baby- all I thought about was undressing you."
And you whimpered particularly louder as you felt yourself coming closer to climax.
"you're- y/n-" but he couldn't formulate his words well enough because you were clenching around him too much.
He pulled out almost to the brink, halting, "I'll cum if you keep doing that-"
You pulled him by his neck, "that's the goal."
And fucked out by you, he pushed in without warning, harder, and faster, hitting your spot repeatedly.
Your hands claw at his back, trying to find some other relief that doesn't arrive.
And then you crumbled with one push that pushed you further up the bed. And it doesn't take longer before he's whimpering in the crook of your neck, and cums inside you.
He stayed inside you for a bit as you both try to catch your erratic breath to normal. His body grew softer against you and after a few seconds passed he looked up, pulled out of you and got up to get you a wash cloth and changed the sheets.
Minutes after cleaning up you both collapse back into the bed, Jin on top of you.
You giggle, your hands threading his hair.
"Tired?" You asked.
He mumbled against your neck as he covered the two of you with a sheet.
"More than I ever thought."
"I hope it's a good thing."
He looked up at you with a sheepish smile, "It's the best."
And you grinned.
He takes a moment to look at you and then he said, "I can't believe it finally happened."
You chuckled, "you're saying it as if you've loved me longer than I have."
Even if it was a mockery he pretended to be hurt, "How can you compare my love to anything?"
You laugh, genuinely laugh at his words.
And then he climbed up so he could pull you closer to him.
"Missed your laugh."
You bit your lip and swept away his hair from his forehead, "I missed you making me laugh."
Overwhelmed, he kissed your nose, "never again."
"never what?"
"never am I ever going to leave you alone. You're mine now."
You gazed into his eyes and smiled, "yours?"
He nodded.
You let your fingers intervene with his, playing with them and said, "I've been yours for a long time now."
His expressions suddenly grew sadder, "was it painful?"
"What was?"
"loving me without ever knowing I'll love you back."
You pursed your lips then shook your head, "it doesn't matter anymore."
After a long silence he spoke up again, "It doesn't. I'm going to make sure to tell you just how much I love you to make up for all the lost time."
You smiled at him and kissed his forehead, "you have a lot of making up to do then."
As if you had destroyed a romantic moment, he rolled his eyes, "How long have you even loved me for?"
You brought your hand up and started counting on your fingers. When it exceeds ten fingers he closed your hands in his own.
"My fault, I asked." And you laughed against him.
"What about you? When did you know you loved me?" You asked.
He thought for a moment and said, "I think I loved you too long to know when it started but I only realized on the day I was leaving for the military."
"Millitary?"
He nodded, "when I saw you holding back your tears, I just wanted to hold you so bad that I knew it wasn't friendship. It was love."
"You had almost 2 years to tell me you loved me and you didn't." You were offended.
He raised his eyebrows at you, in fact he raised up physically, "like you're one to talk- let me remind you how long you waited before telling me.."
The rest of the night you stayed up talking and laughing. It didn't seem like there was enough time, like you had to talk about everything in one night but this is how you've always felt. This is how he has felt for a long time now.
And then you realized, love wasn't supposed to be loud, cliche, grand or anything, love felt like coming home.
And you had found a home in his arms. For the rest of the time.
Extra 1.
As you chewed down on your waffle he made for you sitting on the kitchen top in his clothes, it randomly occurred to you that you hadn't asked Jin one question.
"Why were you at the club last night?"
He frowned then gave you another waffle, "Hoseok asked me to. He knew I was pent up after our fight and how I felt about you so he said it would be a good way to blow off steam. In my opinion it was a trashy idea but I don't regret it anymore."
You let out a loud laugh, clutching at your stomach as you kept laughing at the realisation.
"what- what's so funny?"
You threw your head back, wiping away the tears at the corner of your eyes.
You opened your arms in a hug and asked him to come closer which he happily did. Your hands cupped his face as you gave him a peck.
"We're such idiots." You told him, still finding it funny.
"I'm sure you're right but why?" He was so confused that he wondered if his girlfriend (now) was ever going to tell him what was so funny.
"Hoseok totally set us up." And then you tell him the whole thing.
Hoseok was a mastermind in bringing you two together and you couldn't be more glad that you both had heard him.
Extra 2.
"Isn't that the dress you wore on the anniversary?" Hoseok asked as he saw it hanging over your wardrobe.
You peeped inside the bedroom and nodded, "my one and only black dress."
Hoseok smiled to himself as you walked into the kitchen. He had a plan in his mind and he definitely wasn't going to tell you that but when the day comes, you'll be praising him for his plan. And then he'll be ready for all the praises.
¹Appa: Father in Korean
A/n: certain edits are underway.
Taglist: @jinkoo94 @c3hu @jiniretexe @withmuchluv-tannie (genuinely thankyou for all the people who requested for the tags, I so so adore y'all)
Tags: Childhood bestfriends to lovers| Non Idol×fem!reader| Fluff| little hurt/comfort| Post Military Seokjin| Little slow burn| MDNI|| Smut in part 2|
WC: 10.3k in part 1
A/n: This was written in the memory of Military Jin plus my absolute love for bsf to lovers au. It took me quite a long time to long time to write half of it because I got extremely busy with a wedding but I promise the next part will be put up sooner. I hope you don't hate me for the WC and enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it. Also special mentions of "kiss me" by sixpence that kept me motivated.
Summary: After 18 months of military service, Jin, your childhood best friend has returned and so has much more..
[1:37 pm]
Seokjin: Sergeant Kim Seokjin officially off duty
You smiled reading the message and instantly replied back.
[1:37 pm]
You: Welcome back to civilian life, the inflation sucks.
[1:38 pm]
Seokjin: Not more than being with sweaty men all day.
You: Ugh, you’re right. Fine, you win!
Seokjin: Why do you even try? You have one cardinal rule to know: Kim SeokJin never loses.
You could hear the laughter in his text.
[1:40 pm]
You: Whatever.
You: When are we meeting?
[1:42 pm]
Seokjin: Got some stuff tomorrow, how about we catch it up at my parents place tonight? I’m headed there right now.
[1:44 pm]
You: 👍
You: I’ll see you after work.
For as long as you’ve lived, you’ve known Jin.
If you look back at your life, there has been one gravitational constant in your life, one that you’ve always felt, one that you have always gravitated to and that’s him. He’s always been there, as an anchor, as your best friend, as your family. You can’t even remember a single phase of your life when he wasn’t present even if you guys were physically at separate locations except his military service.
As a faithful Korean man and absolutely no other option, he enlisted almost 18 months ago, a time where you were not only physically separate but your interaction was limited to occasional calls every once in a while or a few texts in a month. It never affected you as much because you knew your bond with Jin was much stronger than any distance to break but it still made you feel empty during moments that you’d ordinarily share with Jin. Like when you’d walk to the train station, or while you drove past his parents house, or every time you looked at chocolate milk, you couldn’t help but feel a certain emptiness of not having Jin with you then but all of it was over now, he was finally free and you were excited to see your best friend you haven’t met in 18 months.
“Mr. Kim, my favourite man.” You excitedly greet Jin’s father as you walk into their home, side hugging him.
“If it isn’t my favourite daughter,” he laughed, hugging you back right away.
You and Jin’s family have a bond that transcends beyond the two of you. Mr. Kim was like your fathers brother. They had met in college and had been inseparable ever since which is why you practically grew up together. Saturday nights were always spent at Kim house while Wednesday evenings at yours.
“If you both are done, shall we place dinner?” His mom interjects. You and Mr. Kim share a look of defeat before you are forced to walk into the dining area.
“When are your parents arriving?” Mrs. Kim asked.
“They’ll be here any minute,” You ask after a pause, “Jin is in his room?”
Mr. Kim nodded, “Go, get him.”
You nodded, walking up the stairs and opening the door to his room without knocking, assuming he must have been expecting you anyway but you really should have knocked because the door opened to Jin standing shirtless with a T-shirt in his hand. You gasped and immediately turned around, covering your eyes.
“My eyes, My eyes! This was not the welcome sight I was hoping for.”
Jin’s laugh echoed the room and he shut the door behind you, taking your hands off your eyes to see him fully dressed now.
“Believe me, it is the best sight you can see. 8th wonder of the world, isn’t it?”
“Can’t tell, didn’t get a good look.” You shrugged sitting down on his bed.
“Missed your chance. Sadly this beauty will never be witnessed by the world.” He said motioning his hand in the air hinting at his body. You knew even if he was being all cocky right now, he was more shy than he looked.
You scoffed, "Who's stopping you? Walk around shirtless if you really want that."
"Can you handle it?"
There should have been a warning before he leaned in and asked you that question, with a smirk adorning his face. You physically paused for a second, blood rushing to your face due to the proximity. Has he always looked like this? This is the closest Jin has been to you in 18 months and you couldn't help but wonder at how much he has changed or maybe it was the time spent apart. His hair was shorter now, his physique broader now than before, his face still the same but he looked…better?
You cleared your throat turning away from his gaze, "As if that's anything that difficult. I've seen better."
Jin leaned backward laughing at your comeback.
"Lies but whatever helps you sleep at night Y/n."
You rolled your eyes before looking back at him and a moment's silence fell on you and you realized that it's your best friend standing in front of you. No more video calls or phone calls or text messages. Your crazy, insane, your only best friend was back for good. And you realize then how much you've actually missed him now that he was here.
"What are you staring at?" He interrupted your thoughts, "Imagining what it's like under the shirt?"
"Were you always this cocky?" You frown, titling your head.
He shrugged, "Military changes you."
He finally sat down next to you.
"Did you miss me?" He asked.
You looked at his face holding a deep emotion that you understood instantly. Despite his exterior, he was still your soft SeokJin whose heart really just belonged here, who in his cockiness was just hiding how much he actually loved being back. You could see every single emotion in his eyes, he wasn't hiding it from you anyway. He never had to. Jin had always felt comfortable with you and he was sure he had never cried in front of anyone but you because that’s how he was with you.
"What do you think?" You softly replied.
His face adorned with a smile and he hugged you instantly, unable to hold back anymore. One of his hands rests on the back of your head and the other rests on your back.
You hugged him tighter, sliding closer.
He didn't need to say how much he missed you but he did, "sucked not having anyone to annoy," in his own way of course.
You chuckled in the hug, slapping his back gently, "I missed you too idiot."
His chest vibrated against you in a soft laugh and you let yourself melt into the hug. It reminded you of the last time you hugged him in silence before the military and how afraid you both were that if you said anything both of you would end up crying so neither of you said anything. But this was different, this was warm, it wasn't sad, he was home.
He was finally home.
The dinner went by relatively fun, old jokes resurfacing, old memories, cringey childhood stories, how your parents met each other, the marriage debacle, Jin's first time away from home, your first time away from home, high school stories and what not. You could have lived there, laughing all night but your parents were old, so were his and before it was midnight they all passed out tipsy.
Jin and you took the responsibility to clean up the kitchen and dining area talking softly in whispers, complaining about your parents but it was nice being home, with him across from you.
"Do you wanna go upstairs?" Jin asked once you both were done cleaning the house.
You agreed and slowly made your way upstairs.
“You still have this?” You smiled as you pointed at a small wand you made from clay when you were young and obsessed with Harry Potter. He just nodded.
“Souvenir of your creativity.”
"I didn't get a good look when I came into the room earlier. Not a thing has changed." You took in his room, all the frames, all paintings, all his trophies, his CDs, his PC still all intact.
"I was surprised as well but I'm planning on getting rid of some stuff." He said as he sat down on the bed.
You were still looking at the picture frame of you both when you felt a hand pull you onto the bed. You flop like a ball next to Jin. Your heart rushed due to the sudden movement.
"Enough snooping." He said laying back on the bed.
You look at him before you lay down next to him as well staring up at the ceiling.
"Was it lonely?" You asked after a long silence.
Jin cleared his throat and you watched him shake his head, "Lonely and me? Never."
But you don’t look away from him because you still remember his 2 am texts to you about random things that you would be unable to reply to at times.
"What?"
"Be honest with me. It had to have been lonely." You wanted to reach his hand, hold him but you didn't.
Jin looked at you for a moment. You could read him too well to know that he wouldn't admit it but then he stared back up at the ceiling, "being honest about it now doesn't change anything."
You really wanted him to go and talk about it more but he shifted the conversation to you.
"Enough about me. All we've talked about is me. I want to know about you, what have you been doing this past year except missing me ofcourse." His expressions were much lighter now.
You rolled your eyes, "as if my world revolves around you."
You felt him nudge you so you had no option but to talk to him. You turned sideways to Jin who had already turned to you
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything. Are you still doing the same job? Did you finally talk things out with Ha-Yun? Anything that has changed."
You shook your head, "still at the same company but the manager changed so it made things a lot easier. I finally get to do my own share without problems. I texted Ha-Yun but she never reached back, I don't think she will but it's old stuff now. I can't complain. Rest has been the same."
Jin frowned, "do you want me to talk to her? Bet she'd reach out instantly."
You chuckled, "She'll take it as a sign. She's had a crush on you for like forever."
He pouted, nodding."What about that toxic roommate of yours?"
You signal the "kill" gesture with your hand.
"You killed her?" He exaggerated of course, a bit too loudly.
You slapped a hand over his mouth, gently, "not so loud."
You feel him laugh in your palm making you smile but he eventually takes your hand away from over his mouth, "What do you mean I killed her? I live alone now, that's it."
"Can you blame me? You literally did," he reenacted your gesture.
You closed your eyes smiling, "fine, my fault."
"What else?"
Jin pouts thinking for a moment, "Dating? You never talked about it even on the call."
You turned away slightly from Jin's gaze, shifting behind clearing your throat after a moment of silence, "Nope."
Jin's hand grasped yours and turned you to him, "Really? The whole year? Why?"
You just shook your head, "Work doesn't really give me time to date."
He frowned, "But you're here with me. Made time for me."
He waited expectantly for your answer, looking at every feature of your face in the dark as if he was looking for a specific response.
You took a deep breath, "Yah, my best friend is back, do you think I won't make time to see you? Would be pretty rude of me."
Jin hummed, "fair enough. When you have such a handsome best friend you kind of have to."
You shook your head smiling, "Still cocky."
"And you're not denying." You could see him smirk in the dark.
You really pause for a moment, should you agree? Should you not? Technically he was handsome but should you really fuel his fire by agreeing to him.
"Whatever you want to believe."
And then you sat up straight.
"Look at the time. It's late, I should go-" and you suddenly feel a hand over yours, not holding just softly on top of yours.
"A bit longer?" When you turned to him he was looking at you with anticipation in his eyes, waiting for you to say yes and you wanted to stay longer and because you wanted to so you didn’t.
You clicked your tongue, "if I hangout with you longer today it won't give you a reason to meet me again soon. Wouldn't want that."
It was perhaps the most honest answer with refusal you could formulate.
Jin seemed impressed by your answer and sat upright next to you, "you've grown bold."
You shrugged.
And then you really leave bidding your goodbyes, taking your parents with you.
All you really looked forward to though was the next time you'd see Jin again.
The next time you heard from Jin was a week later late at night when you were at home working on pending office work.
"Did you eat?" He asked as soon as he showed up at your flat in his black overalls and spectacles you had forgotten he wore.
You turned to look at the watch on the wall and realized it was pretty late for dinner.
"Knew it. I bought takeout!" He swung the bag in front of your face with a charming smile and a wink that you couldn't turn away from.
While you made room at your table with scattered pages, he set the table with all the food he bought.
"You bought so much food, planning on living here or what?" You joked but Jin looked at you deadpanned.
"Should we? It’ll be fun."
"Are you being serious?" You were dumbfounded.
"Dead serious."
You narrowed your eyes at him not believing him for a second then you sighed.
"You're lying, your ears are all red. That's your tell." You said going back to clearing everything to one side of the table.
Jin immediately covered his ears, "Damn it. You know me too much, can't even fool you."
He was disappointed to say the least but you had a good laugh out of it so it was all settled.
Once you started eating you ended up talking for a long while about Jin's sabbatical getting over and starting work soon and just other unimportant stuff.
"What were you working on anyway?" He asked randomly looking at the pile of papers next to your laptop.
"Audit stuff. I have to upload all the data on the cloud by 4pm tomorrow and the data is too much."
"Do you want me to help? You know I'm a pretty fast typer." That was in fact true. With all the games he played, all the coding he did he had skilled fingers and you let your greedy intentions get you for a second, almost agreeing but then you realized you shouldn't take advantage of him.
"Nah, I'll do it. I don't want to inconvenience you besides you also have to go back.. right?"
Jin just shrugged, "I could crash or just leave as soon as the work is over. Let me help, it'll be easier."
You hesitated but then he got up from his chair and leaned down next to you, turning your chair to face him.
"You're not inconveniencing me. What are best friends for anyway? Let me help."
And so losing the argument, you let him.
You ended up with 3 batches of coffee made in between with Jin typing on your laptop while you told him exactly what and where to type and with his help the work summed up much sooner than you had planned. By the time you get free from work it was past 3 am.
"You really should sleep. You've got work tomorrow." Jin said as you yawned for the 20th time in an hour.
You shook your head, "it's fine. I'll just clean up and then go to bed."
Jin stood up behind you and pushed you by your shoulder towards the bedroom.
"I'll do it. You go and sleep."
"But-"
"No buts. You're making me sleepier and it's not even my bed time. I promise I'll clean all this up and go back home."
You shook your head but he didn't hear you at all. He pushed you more and more towards your bed and when you sit on the bed you realize how sleepy and tired you actually were.
He leaned down at your face level, "I promise it'll be spotless. Now sleep."
You had no choice but to sleep. All you remember before falling asleep was Jin.
The next morning when you walked out of the bedroom and into the living room finding it spotless as promised. All the leftover food you ate at night was gone, cups were washed and cleaned, your living room was spotless and on the table were your neatly stacked files and your laptop with a small post-it on top that read "fighting! Have a great day at work" which made you smile.
And amidst all that you notice Jin crashed out on your couch clutching himself so tightly because he didn't even try to cover himself. You shook your head at his carelessness and brought a blanket from your bedroom and covered him with it trying not to disturb his sleep and as you tucked him in you kneeled down before his face.
His eyebrows were knit together and without thinking you ran your finger carefully over his temple, smoothening the muscle without disturbing his sleep. You stayed there, your hand lingering close to his face and his lips turned into a low smile and you wondered what he must be dreaming of to make him smile like that. A soft smile pulls at your face as you watch him sleep soundly. The longer you stared the more you realize that you could look at him just a bit longer and then it dwelt upon you that your heart was fluttering at the sight of your best friend.
You immediately pulled back from him, standing up when you caught erratic thoughts about watching him forever running through your head. You almost hit the table as you fumble backwards reassuring yourself that it was a momentary slip, that it was nothing more.
Seokjin was just your best friend.
And so you left for the office in a rush, leaving breakfast and a post-it note on the table thanking him for showing up last night and helping you out.
“Hi guys.” Your breath choked as you heard those words slip out from Ha-Yun’s mouth.
You and Jin shared a look before turning back to Hoseok and Ha-Yun.
Hoseok also feebly waved, his face holding an apologetic smile.
Jin sighed but he composed himself much quicker than you, “Guess we’re all going to the beach.”
Jin had reached out mid week to you and Hoseok about wanting to do a weekend trip together, emotionally manipulating you both about how much he missed spending time with his two closest friends from school and that it was the last time he could enjoy time out before returning to work and so, after a lot of back and forth he had won and it was decided that you’d go to the beach.
As Jin and Ha-Yun were busy keeping bags in the car, you cornered Hoseok "Why would you bring Ha-Yun? You know I'm not on speaking terms with her,” you cornered Hoseok.
He made a very apologetic face, "I know, I know, I wasn't going to but I met her by accident yesterday and she was in a bad mood, it just slipped out. I'm so sorry Y/n. I promise you won't have to deal with her at all. I'll make sure of it."
You sighed knowing there was no point grilling him anyways. She was going to be there whether you liked it or not even if it meant everything being awkward. Besides, you also knew that Hoseok's intentions were good no matter the result.
And truth be told, Hoseok was the one who introduced you both to Ha-Yun so you couldn't really argue whether he should have chosen to not invite her. They were both great friends, and so were you at one point until a whole argument happened that resulted in a damage that hasn't been fixed yet.
“You think you’ll be okay?” Jin asked before you finally sat in the car.
You lightly patted his arm and nodded, “Don’t worry about me. It's just one night.”
What’s the worst that could happen, right?
Turns out a lot.
As promised by Hoseok, you didn't have to deal with Ha-Yun at all. It was made quite sure because she didn't leave Jin's side at all.
She sat in the passenger seat in the car, next to Jin who was driving. Took the seat next to him during lunch. Talked with him non stop. Stayed next to him in the waters. Stood by his side in all the pictures. It felt like only the two of them had come on the trip while you and Hoseok were absent. So, yes technically she wasn't a bother to you but also she was because you had hoped this trip would be otherwise.
Tired from the beach, you finally sat down on the sheets on the beach, your gaze fixed on all 3 of them laughing, playing in water, swimming even and you couldn't help but smile because despite all of it, this was the most fun you had in a while. It was rare to get chances like these every time because you knew just how much effort each of you put to be here together to commemorate Jin's return.
Not much later Hoseok walked over to you and laid down next to you under the umbrella.
"Why aren't you joining?"
"I did. I'm just tired now. We're not really kids anymore." You sighed. He nodded, agreeing with you.
After a few moments of silence, he sat upright next to you watching you watch the two in the water.
"Sometimes I do wish we had spent more time together during college." It was a painful revelation that Hoseok made more than often.
You smiled at him, "I do too but you're here now and being here together is better than nothing at all."
He just smiled back and you both went back to looking at Jin and Ha-Yun who were now walking back towards you both.
"Y/n, come." Jin said as soon as he came back.
You shook your head, "Tired."
"Come on, you weren't even with us long enough."
You still shook your head. Jin frowned. When he realized he wasn't winning you over like that he sat down in front of you on his knees and leaned in to whisper in your ear. Instinctively your breath stops dead in your throat and your hand clutching at the sand.
"Is it because of her?"
And when he leaned backward you could only notice the strand of hair that dripped a single drop of water down his face. It was unfair how effortlessly Jin still looked put together, as if he was just returning from a shoot.
"I swear I'm just tired. I'll join you a while later."
Jin had no option but to leave you alone. He found it odd but he chose not to talk about it then.
After having watched the sunset together you all had decided to meet exactly an hour later for dinner at the restaurant Jin chose so here you were, at the restaurant, sitting opposite to Jin because the seat next to him was taken, obviously, by Ha-Yun.
"Jin, do you remember the time when you and I went to that amusement park together in college? How scared I was at the ferris wheel and could not leave you? But we had so much fun. We should absolutely do it again, don't you think?" Ha-Yun asked. This was probably the tenth story of her and him.
Jin nodded, "Absolutely. I've missed out on a lot of civilian stuff- oh nevermind, Y/n gets sick on rides."
You suddenly look up at him from your food.
"We could go together then? Just us two- three of us even." She said,
Jin looked at her quizzically, "We can't leave her out, it's un-"
"Oh no, you guys should. Amusement Parks aren't my thing anyways. You guys should go and have fun someday." You forcefully smiled.
Jin almost looked at you as if he was concerned but before he could even say something Ha-Yun had interrupted already making the plans.
Truth be told, you weren't feeling quite like yourself during the dinner. It was perhaps the tiredness but somehow you just wanted to go back home.
You hear your phone buzz and you open it to check Jin had texted you across the table.
Seokjin: Are you okay?
You just look up at him and smile, nodding.
He didn't buy it but he didn't push you.
"Jin if I remember the last time-"
"Jin, do you want a drink?" Hoseok interrupted whatever Ha-Yun was going to say. You almost laughed, but mentally thanked him for directing the conversation away.
Thanks to him, the rest of the dinner shifted to Hoseok and Jin talking while Ha-Yun chirped only a bit in between. You chose to mostly listen adding only a few things every once in a but mainly concentrating more on your drink and dinner.
"There you are." You heard a familiar voice making you turn away from the beach you took to after dinner.
You turned around to watch Jin walking towards you. You smile and wave at him.
"Been looking for you everywhere."
"I needed a breather. Besides, the sea at night time is the real beauty," You replied back.
Jin caught up next to you, "That you're right about."
When you don't say anything for a while, just walking silently along the beach, Jin asks, "Are you okay?"
You slowed down, turning your face to him, "Why do you ask?"
"You just seemed a little off. Is it because of Ha-Yun?"
You shrugged, "it could be. Was she always this annoying?"
Jin laughed next to you and you smiled.
"Isn't it a bit harsh? She was just enjoying her time."
You rolled your eyes, "Sure yeah. When else can she enjoy sitting next to you, being all over you, asking you to open a bottle of water when she really could have done it on her own. I get it when else is she ever going to have the opportunity of being next to you 24 hours."
Jin turned around walking backwards so he could see you. He was amused at your reaction, "Been keep watching on me, haven't you?"
Thanks to the night he couldn't see the blood rush to your face from embarrassment. You turned your gaze to your feet.
"Haven't. Been watching her."
Jin smirked, "Sure yeah, watching her! Let me ask you something, What colour of top was she wearing?"
You narrowed your eyes at him, "You'd know that better."
Sober you would probably not have answered this but you were tipsy and you felt a little free.
Jin let out an exasperated laugh, "Oh my Y/n, so much jealousy."
You shook your head, "Jealous? Of Her? Never."
But to avoid him you started walking faster but just as your pace picked up, you felt a hand grabbing your wrist, twirling you around and you almost collided into Jin. Your body almost flush against his.
"Passive Aggressive much. You're cute when you're jealous." He was smirking, still. His eyes glimmered with amusement.
Your mouth dries up instantly. Your system shutting down, going to default settings. You shouldn’t be so close to him that you can see that faint freckle on his skin.
"I'm not jealous." But your voice came out much lower than you had hoped. Much less confident. It was supposed to be a witty response but it had turned into something completely otherwise.
"Then tell me honestly why were you so weird today?" He was being serious now. His eyes strongly gazed into yours.
You look up at him and realize that neither of you had moved an inch since Jin had pulled you into him.
You pulled back from him a little, forming a little distance between the two of you, "I'm not being weird- I'm just tired, really. Work has been exhausting this week and I didn't want to cancel because it's you." It was also partially true.
Jin stepped forward, looking down at your face, closing the distance between you two again, "We could have done this any other time, any other day. You could have told us."
You sighed, turning your face away from him, "It's not that simple."
"Why is it not? Why Y/n?" He asked with a confused face, almost impatient. He was looking at you with concern, worry and whatever other emotion was settled on his face.
"We won't always have the time.. I won't. Hoseok won't. Didn’t you see how long it took us to match schedules? I love that you're back Jin, finally, I waited 18 months for this. We both waited and I don't want to ruin it by saying some lame excuse that work's been hectic or whatever. I want to be there for you and I want to show it with all the time I have. I don't want to make excuses for you."
It was your honest answer, yes, you never want to make up lame excuses for him, you always wanted to be there for him.
Jin's face relaxed, growing more softer by the second, a small smile tugging at his lips. He took your hand in his own and caressed it mindlessly.
"You always show up for me, Y/n. I can't remember a single time when you haven't. I'll never doubt you but I don't want you to feel like you have to make up for lost time. I'm not going anywhere, not anymore. I'm here now. We have all the time in the world."
It was an assurance, a real assurance that he really wasn't but how could you explain everything to him. What about the things you didn't know yourself or rather, things you didn't want to admit.
After a pause he continues, "And about Hoseok not having time, let's be real, I only ever came here for you, so had he said he was busy I still would have come here with you."
You frowned, "for me?"
He nodded, "Do you remember the last thing we were supposed to do before I left for service?"
You nod. You remember clearly that you were going to go camping but you couldn't because it ended up raining heavily.
"But we couldn't so we ended up drinking at my place instead and you told me that you never liked camping anyways, that you liked beaches more. That's why I wanted to bring us here."
Oh.
"You remembered that?"
His face looked adorable with that small little curve of his smile and an expression that conveyed remembering things about you was the most obvious thing for him, that there could be no doubt about it. He took another step forward towards you, his hand still lingering over yours, "Why wouldn't I? It's you."
And your heart fluttered. Again.
You stay silent for a couple of seconds, not knowing what to say then you hastily turn around and start walking slowly. You heard his footsteps following you.
"I didn't know you remembered that, besides I don't even remember saying that. We could have done something you liked." He was now walking beside you and just for a second your hand brushed against his making you fold your arms across your front.
"Well I like beaches. They're beautiful." You could feel his gaze on you but you didn't know why so you just nodded.
"Plus you've been on enough fishing adventures with me to know that I like the sea," he stated as if it was that obvious. And it was but the truth is, you liked beaches because he did. That is not to say that beaches weren't calm and peaceful and beautiful, it's that when you've been with him for almost all your life, you'd be stupid to not like the sea.
When you both finally reached back to your rooms and were about to enter, Jin turned slightly towards you and said, "I'd be jealous too if someone was all over you too."
You knew he was kidding, he had to but you couldn't help but imagine if he really would be jealous if someone was all over you. He wouldn't though, right?
You shook your head and entered your room calling him an idiot. But till the time you went to bed that was all that you could think of. And you realized your history was repeating itself whether you liked it or not. You had tried denying it but it wasn’t working. This was Jin afterall, nothing stayed buried forever.
As you laid on your bed you thought about everything. You assumed all that distance, all that time away in the military would change something in you but it hasn't, not even a little bit. As soon as he was back you were forced to face the fact that your feelings were still there and today it was confirmed when the mere sight of Ha-Yun all over Jin bothered you, when at the beach all you wanted was to hold his hands but you didn't, you couldn't.
Everything replayed in your head like a montage, from the moment your heart fluttered for the first time when you were just college students till now. You can't deny it anymore, even if you want to but you know the truth.
You loved Jin. You've probably loved him a lot longer than you know, since you were kids maybe but you didn't know what to call that emotion, thinking you were confused but you knew you cared for Jin a lot differently than you did for others and it could not be simply be sufficed as care for your best friend. But you only ever realized you were truly in love with him when he'd get his heart broken by girls all the time in college and you couldn't help but want to be the one to fix it for him. He was the type to go "all in" in a relationship, he'd do everything right and still somehow got his heartbroken. His love was loud and you knew it but you wished that people would love him loudly, just like he did. Not even how you did in silence but it wasn't your choice, you didn't even know what you felt.
Then suddenly one night after his break up with a girl who cheated on him, he was with you, drinking, wallowing his sadness. You had taken away his bottle but he was still silently crying and you didn't know what to do so you did what you could. You talked to him. You consoled him, you comforted and in that comfort you both had slipped enough to be cozy with each other and in your arms he had spilled the worst of his fears, the pain in his heart and you stayed there for him, with him, holding him and maybe that's why Jin had ended up kissing you that night. In the name of comfort. Because he was in pain. Because he had too much to drink. And you let him. But your heart decided it was love, your naive heart thought it could be more. You could still feel your heart racing every time you thought about that kiss.
But the next morning he said he didn't remember anything except coming over to your dorm. You swore you'd never bring it up because you knew he remembered. His ears were the deepest shade of red. So you knew he lied, and if he lied that meant he didn't think of you that way, that he didn't feel for you the same way and you decided you'll live with your unrequited love.
Because your love for him was always louder only in silence. Your heart still aches for him, you'd do anything for him but also love him enough to know Jin can never be yours and that's why you choose to protect your heart every time you catch yourself slipping too much into your emotions. He was just your best friend and you can't lose your best friend.
"Y/n, can I talk to you for a moment?" Hoseok said as he helped you pull your luggage down from the car while Jin was taking a short call.
You nodded. Hoseok pulls you further away from the car and Jin and asks, "Where were you and Jin last night?"
"Oh! We were just at the beach, taking a walk. I guess I had too much to drink so I went there for a walk, he found me there."
Hoseok nodded but you frowned, "why do you ask?"
He just shrugged, "I thought finally something happened."
You were more confused now, "What do you mean something happened? What could happen?"
His hands gestured between you and Jin who was still on the call, "Between you two."
"Why would anything happen?" You were genuinely confused if Hoseok knew anything and if he did, how?
Hoseok raised an eyebrow at you, "because you like him.. right? It's pretty obvious."
Your eyes widened, "what do you mean like him? I don't. He's my friend, just like you are."
Hoseok scoffed, "As if. Have you ever seen the way you look at him? I do, all the time. Even on the beach. You still look at him the same way-"
"Y/n, are all your bags out?" Jin interrupted from a distance.
You hastily nodded.
You turned to Hoseok again, "we'll have this conversation later."
He nodded, "I think we need one. I'll see you soon, okay."
With that you bid both of them off and you were left thinking about how long had Hoseok known about your feelings? And worse, if he knew then did Jin know?
"Can I ask you something?" You asked Jin who was mindfully playing a game adjacent to running a code on his PC.
Why were you here? Jin was bored. He had work to do and apparently "working alone is boring, come over." So, here you were in his kitchen getting the ramen.
Jin paused whatever game he was playing and turned around to give full attention to you.
"Go ahead."
You hesitated but you needed a little clarification. Your short conversation with Hoseok was scary enough as is and you had tried talking to Hoseok too many times to count but he was busy with his parents anniversary party and what not, so, you had no choice but to maybe try to ask Jin which was and is as weird as it sounds but it was the only way that you could find a way to relief.
"What do you- and well- Hoseok talk about?" You ask hesitantly.
Jin's eyebrows knit together, "you're almost always there so pretty much that stuff. Why do you ask?"
You no longer leaned against the kitchen counter, standing straighter than before, "what about when I'm not there?"
"Y/n, if you think we bitch about you, you're right, we do." He chuckled, turning around in his chair going back to the PC.
You rolled your eyes at him even though he could not see you, "Come on, I'm genuinely asking. I'm curious."
You heard him sigh as he kept coding, "Y/n, I'm not sure what you're getting at. Did you and Hoseok fight or something?"
You sighed louder, "nevermind I asked-"
"Okay, okay. What do you want to know?" He asked momentarily, turning to you.
You bit your lip rethinking if you should really ask but it's for your own sanity. Right?
You finally ask the figure turned around in his chair again, coding, "Have you guys ever talked about feelings or something?"
Jin's typing completely stopped. The room fell completely silent. Then without turning around he asked, "Why? Do you like Hoseok?"
And you realized how that question must have come across to him.
You immediately walk out of the kitchen and more towards him, "No, no. Absolutely not.. he's just a friend."
And then you heard typing again and for a moment he didn't say anything then he suddenly turned around, "Does Hoseok like someone? Does he like you?"
Your eyebrows knit together at your temple, "What? No. Not that I know. No. Absolutely not. Again we're just friends."
Jin then turned back around almost disappointed, slumping back in his chair.
"Why are you asking all this?" He asked, still focused on the screen.
You just shrugged and then you realized he couldn't see you, "Curiosity. Just wanted to know if you guys talk about feelings and relationships."
Jin let out a chuckle, "Weird curiosity but to answer you, we usually don't. Rarely. Only when we've both been dating but not feelings I gu- Y/n, can you please pass me my phone. It's over there." He pointed near the coffee table and you immediately went to pick it up.
You didn't mean to see but as you unplugged his phone the screen lit up and you saw the top most message from Ha-Yun followed by messages by 4 other girls. You had forgotten how popular Jin can be.
He was still holding out his palm for his phone so you just gave it to him.
"I think you have messages... From her. Ha-Yun."
You see him frown.
"Must be asking about the amusement park thing. How do you think I should tell her I don't want to go?" He had now turned to you, looking up at you, his glasses glowing with the light from the screen.
"Just be honest. Or lie that you're busy."
Jin scrunched his nose then nodded.
"Why do you want to cancel anyway?"
Jin just shrugged, "Amusement Park doesn't sound very old enough of me."
You watched him in amusement, almost laughing out loud, "I can't believe Kim SeokJin is saying that. Too old for amusement parks? As if. If I ask you today to go, you'll be jumping up and agreeing."
He was smiling without looking at you, "do you want to? We can go."
You just shook your head, "I definitely am too old for it."
"Age is just a number, Y/n. You should have a little fun in life." Even though you knew he was being playful, you knew there was some truth in it.
"Do you not like Ha-Yun or something? Is that why you don't want to go?"
Jin just pouted, shaking his head, "It's not that. She seems nice even though I know you don't think that but she's not that bad. I just don't have the time right now to go anywhere."
You just nodded your head, walking back towards your forgotten Ramen.
Then mildly out of your curiosity and partially because the time at the beach hasn’t left your mind, you ask without turning around, "If you could date Ha-Yun, would you?"
You don't hear a response for a while but when you turn around, Jin has sneaked up on you. You gasped, almost dropping the Ramen from your hands but he held your hand just in time, a lingering touch that you were sure only you felt.
You just stared at him while he kept smiling, the touch of his hands departing, "careful."
He picked up the second bowl of Ramen and chopsticks you had prepared and you followed him, mentally telling your heart to calm down.
"Don't know." He said randomly.
You looked at him quizzically, "don't know what?" You had forgotten you had asked something, completely forgetting it in Jin sneakily coming up behind you and then his hands over yours, and his stare and the look on his face.
He just sat down back on his table while you took the couch, watching him.
"If I would date Ha-Yun. She's good but I don't know if I would. Think I'd need to know her more to know that."
You felt your heart drop in your chest. It felt like the world was crashing. You should have expected that. Everyone but you. But you don't let it show, as you always have acted.
You don't know why you asked but you made it worse by asking further, "What about anyone else? Dating any of those women who texted you.. the texts were right there."
Jin just turned to you with a comical expression, partially confused, "Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?"
You tried to play it cool by shrugging it off, "you're always popular among the ladies. Can't I be curious?"
Jin chuckled at you and turned to you for a moment, "Honestly though, I don't think I want to date right now. Enjoying my return to civilian life too much for that."
Oh.
You should have known it was just going to make it worse but as if you wanted to hurt yourself on purpose you had asked and now you were left with a kind of pain you couldn't describe but a pain that you had grown so familiar with that you didn't even react anymore.
It's not that you were going to tell him anyway but him closing doors on dating inevitably takes your chances away. But it shouldn't matter, right? You weren't going to tell him anyway but his answers still pained you, even if a little.
"But you never know when you might find someone. You might run from it right now but someone might find you." You tell him honestly.
He just shrugged, nodding his head as if whatever you said made sense.
You gaze into your bowl of Ramen with only one thought in your mind, can you deal with this for the rest of your life? Can you watch Jin move on with his life, dating, loving someone while you're always just his best friend? Can you really?
"You might find someone too." He was being hopeful for you, even though you weren't.
"I doubt." You mumbled under your breath and went back to eating as well.
[7:00 pm]
SeokJin: Should I pick you up?
[7:05 pm]
You: I'm running late. You go ahead, I'll take a cab.
[7:06 pm]
SeokJin: Are you sure?
[7:06 pm]
You: 100 percent. Go ahead. I'll see you there.
And then all you receive is a thumbs up.
It was Hoseok's parents 30th Wedding Anniversary and they were throwing a party with all close people involved to celebrate the day and you could not be more glad for them except that you were running late because the dress you were supposed to wear ripped after getting stuck on a pointed corner leaving you with no other option but to wear the black dress that you'd only ever wear to a cocktail party because of its deep back and cleavage but it was all that you could wear last moment so you went ahead with it.
You arrived almost half an hour late to most guests at the party and whether it's fortunate or unfortunate the first person you meet when you enter reach the gate, waiting outside is Jin.
You walk up closer to the gate fixing your dress wherever possible so it didn't reveal much of how conscious you were to wear that dress in a family setting but all your thoughts scrambled when you see Jin wearing a black tux with a red shirt underneath that you were sure nobody could pull off but him because he didn't just look good, he looked every definition of handsome in every dictionary on earth. His hair was slightly longer now, styled, his clothes fitting him just right to appeal his body. You've never seen someone looking that good in such a combination and with such a charismatic aura that made everyone look back at least twice. Loving him for his looks was never on your agenda but you can't help but fall for him more when he pulls up looking like that.
You still reach him, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
"Why are you outside?" You ask as soon as you reach him but there's a weird silence about him. His eyes had not shifted from you from the moment he saw you walking towards the gate.
"You." His voice suddenly sounded much deeper than you've known.
You?
"Me?" Your eyebrows raised.
As if pulled out of a trance, he cleared his throat, his eyes focusing back on your face "I figured you'd be arriving by now, so I thought I'd wait outside."
"Oh. Shall we go inside?" You asked.
He nodded and he held the door open for you.
As you almost reach the gathering you stopped and turned around suddenly making Jin almost collide into you.
"Do you think the dress looks too much?" You asked. You really needed a second opinion but you were concerned if he’d actually give a good opinion considering how distracted he seemed right now for whatever reason.
His eyebrows raised completely, "What?"
"I asked if you think the dress looks too much. I was going to wear something else but it ripped at the last minute. It's a bit revealing. Do you think it's too much?"
Jin cleared his throat, again, "No- it looks good... In fact, you look really good. We compliment each other."
You frowned, "We do?"
He pointed at your heels.
"They're red, wine more like. It compliments my shirt."
It did. You had forgotten to change your heels actually but you were glad now that you didn't.
"You noticed?" You smile a little to yourself.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I."
But why would he?
"Shall we go?" He smiled at you. You took a deep breath and nodded.
Together you greeted a bunch of people, friends you used to be in touch with, each other's parents, Hoseok's relatives and finally Hoseok and his family.
"Aren't you two a couple?" Hoseok giggled.
You almost spat your drink, coughing and choking on your drink. Jin's hand immediately patted you back, asking if you're okay.
"It just happened." Jin answered for you.
"You two look good-" you pinched Hoseok making him flinch in pain.
"Thankyou for the compliments. Can we meet your parents now?" You asked. Unfortunately you couldn't because the ceremony started unfolding soon and you were forced to take your seats next to your families.
A thing or two happened, then cakes were disturbed and before you knew it, people started scrambling more and more separating you and Jin, so, everytime you looked for him, he was busy talking with somebody new. Talk about an attractive figure at a party.
As everyone got busy with their people, you made your way into the balcony. It's not that you didn't enjoy parties but you didn't know anyone well enough here to talk and the only two people you could talk to were busy so you chose to watch the party from a distance. It was a beautiful gathering you had to agree and Hoseok's parents were probably the most adorable couple you had come across.
You were still focused on the party when you noticed Ha-Yun walking into the balcony almost as if she was coming towards you.
"Hi, Y/n." Oh, she was.
You shifted a little so you were no longer leaning completely against the railing, "Hi Ha-Yun. Haven't seen you since the beach trip."
She nodded, taking a stand next to you, "Been busy."
You nodded because that's all that you could do.
When a long silence fell, Ha-Yun couldn't take it anymore and turned to you, "I'm sorry for not reaching back."
You almost flinched at his suddenness but then a low smile tugged at your face, "Ha-Yun, it's an old thing now. It doesn't matter anymore, we even took a trip together."
You were really just being polite.
She shook her head, "Still. I just- I just feel like I could have been a better friend."
She was a little hesitant so you hold her arm gently, "Ha-Yun, if anything I should have been a better friend. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did back then-"
"but it gave me no right to ask you to leave the party that night. It was extremely rude of me and this past year I've been sitting with this guilt of practically throwing you out of there. I could have been more mature then. I'm so sorry about it." She really did have a guilty face and it was genuine, you knew it. She wasn't a bad person, just a little immature at times.
The reason you stopped talking was because at Ha-Yun’s party more than a year ago you caught her making out with someone who was in a toxic relationship. It was unbearably toxic, you knew it but you didn't like the way Ha-Yun had intervened. You understood her feelings but you called her out for choosing the wrong way to go with it. It had nonetheless fallen apart but she had asked you to leave the party immediately and despite the fact that you had apologised, she hadn't acknowledged it until today.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry too." You smiled at her and hugged her briefly. Things weren't going to go back the way they were but it could start. You both ended up talking for a while about old things, parties, mistakes and everything until you both came to a significant pause in which your eyes had fallen back on Jin talking to yet another person.
"He looks good, doesn't he?" She said suddenly. You couldn't help but agree.
"I had forgotten just how good he looked while he was away. When Hoseok told me he was back, I was so excited to meet him as a friend.."
It looked like she wanted to continue so you asked, "and now?"
She smiled shyly, "Its just- he looks even better now than i remembered and I can't help it, Y/n, he looks too good and he is such a good person for me to not, you know try on him."
You gulped, unsure if you wanted her to go on but you didn't want to seem like a bad, unsupportive friend especially when you had just reunited.
"What's stopping you?"
She looked at you and said, "you think I should try?"
You knew you were going to regret it but you were nobody to hold her back. Just because you can't act on your feelings doesn't mean she has to too.
You nodded, "Go ahead. Never a better time, you even look good."
And before you knew it she was already making her way towards Jin. You kept watching her approach him, her hands lingering over his arms, leaning in just enough to be close to him but not enough to scare him away. You watched them until you couldn't anymore. You wouldn't want to admit it to yourself but it pained you to watch this, it ignited a jealousy in you that you hated, a feeling you had no right over but you felt it nonetheless. How many times has it been that you've seen it happen, with different women? Enough to count on your fingers but always enough to also know you're never in it.
You were watching elsewhere so when Hoseok approached you, you didn't see him until he tapped on your shoulder.
"Lost, are we?" He smiled. You smiled back and he offered you a glass of champagne which you willfully take.
He leaned against the railing next to you, watching you for a moment long enough.
"What?" You ask.
"You seem.. not happy. Is everything okay?" He asked, tilting his head.
You just hummed but then you heard a familiar laughter from the room not far enough. It was Ha-Yun and Jin. Your gaze gets stuck there.
Hoseok followed your vision then sighed, "How long are you going to watch him from a distance?"
You just shook your head gently.
"Come on, Y/n, do you think you can carry on like this? Be honest with me, why haven't you told him yet?" He was curiously looking at your face.
You just passed a sad smile, "For reasons quite obvious. He's my friend Hoseok, I can't risk it."
He let out a frustrated breath, "But you are willing to hide your feelings? Be hurt every time he starts dating someone? Y/n, be a little brave."
Now you were frustrated, "Do you think it's that easy, Hoseok? He's my best friend. Do you think I haven't thought about telling him like 100 times in my head? I have but this scenario always ends in the same way. With him never reciprocating my feelings and ruining years of friendship just because I became infatuated with him years ago."
Hoseok grabbed you and turned you towards him, completely facing him, "Y/n, why do you think it'll all just end like that? You'll never know what his feelings are unless you actually show it to him. You never know how he might react." His voice was a little softer now.
You shook your head again, "I know it will. I've spent more than two decades with him. I know him like the back of my hand. I know where he stands. It's Jin. Girls fawn over him left and right, he doesn't have that kind of thought about me at all."
"Why are you being so negative about it? What is it that other girls have and you don’t? Why can't you just think that maybe, just maybe he feels the same way?" You can't help but look at the hope in his eyes. He had always been the hopeful kind, always the one with optimism. He was like the sunshine in your life but you were a realist. You knew these things sounded better in fantasy, in real life friends lose friendships in a snap of a finger.
"Because I'd rather be hopeless than be hopeful of Jin ever loving me back."
Hoseok wasn't giving up though. He took your hand in his and caressed it gently, "You're allowed to be in love with him Y/n. You're allowed to have feelings for him, to be hopeful of something with him. I know you don't want to have any expectations but tell me honestly, have you never wondered what it would be like to free yourself of these unrequited feelings? Of not being the only one carrying these feelings all these years?"
For once you didn't have a winning argument because honestly you've thought about it more times than you can count.
He stepped a little closer, "I know you don't want to get hurt, hurt him either and it's a big risk telling him how you feel but can you do this forever? Can you always watch him from a distance, always wishing, hoping it were you instead of some other girl? Don't you think you owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings?"
Why was Hoseok so persuasive? Because you knew you couldn't. You've wondered about it a lot, if you can really be happy watching him from a distance.
"Y/n, it's time you told him now. It's a leap of faith you have to take even if you're scared because one of these days you may really miss your chance and you'll regret it more than losing him."
"What if I really end up losing him, Hoseok? What if I tell him how I feel but we can never go back to the way it was? What if it's a huge mistake?"
Hoseok hummed, nodding his head, "it could be a huge mistake but if he throws away 20 years of your friends just like that then it'll be his fault because you're a wonderful friend to have."
You smiled at him for the compliment. You can't deny, it genuinely felt much lighter to be able to talk to someone about your feelings instead of being suffocated in your suffering.
"You're a wonderful friend too. I genuinely mean it."
"I am quite good, I'm aware." And there was his cockiness that made you laugh.
"But seriously Y/n, you deserve the kind of love with which you've loved him all these years. The reciprocation from him and something tells me it'll all work out."
You couldn't help but chuckle, "What are you? A prophet?"
He just shrugged, raising his eyebrows, "I just have a feeling. Gut feeling, if you will."
"You do realize that 90 percent of the time your gut feeling is wrong?" You joked.
Hoseok placed his hand playfully over his chest as if hurt, "You're cruel."
But you were glad that it made you laugh. You both stood there for a few more minutes talking, Hoseok inquiring when it all started for you and being genuinely surprised that he realized it much later though you told him that you were surprised that he actually found out.
You kept talking for a bit until Hoseok excused himself to take rounds around the room again, after all he was the host.
When he was gone, his words resonated with you. He was right about almost everything he had said except the part about not knowing how Jin would react because your memory was still scarred from your college days. You know whatever Hoseok said made sense, it really was a leap of faith but you don’t know if this time you placed your heart in his hands, would he turn away from it or embrace it?
If this time you gave him your heart, would he really take it?
_______________
A/n: certain edits will be underway for any mistakes.
Part 2 here
For other works→ Masterlist
Taglist: because I remember @jinkoo94 requesting me to tag them in upcoming updates. Taglist now open.
im so happy that people are liking my seokjin fic list and that these amazing writers are getting the attention/praise they deserve 🥹💐 SEOKJIN FOREVER!!
❀ Hello! Welcome to another fic rec list!! I have been wanting to do a rec list for seokjin for a while now, but I was taking the time to gather as many fics as I could to make this list long. Below are my personal favorite fics that I have read over the years, as well as my current reads! I’m so excited to share these as Seokjin is my bias, and the amount of dedication, time, and creativity these authors put into their work cannot go unnoticed! Reading such creative writing has truly made my time being an army the best.
I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did, and if you care to indulge in convos about any of these, please feel free to comment or reblog! Happy Reading! 🎀
f- fluff a- angst s- smut | ♥︎ - Personal favorites | AN - Author’s note
ONESHOTS
♥︎ Warm this Winter by @jamaisjoons
(A, S, F, 51.6k) One-night stand Seokjin ft. ex-boyfriend Jungkook, Christmas au, vacation au, trying to get over your ex,
Summary: spending the winter vacation with an ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend was not something anyone would ever consider doing. Spending the winter vacation with both an ex-boyfriend, his new girlfriend, and the one-night stand you’d used to try to get over him, well that was a whole other situation that anyone sane would have fled from. And yet, here you are. Caught between your best friend (and consequently your ex-boyfriend), and the very same man who you’d fallen into bed with after a night of wallowing in self-pity. All while stuck in the picturesquely beautiful - and cruelly romantic - Austrian Alps. well. at least you can say you had an interesting Christmas.
AN: hands down one of the best seokjin fics I’ve read! I’ve read this years ago and the impact it left on me is still in the room as I SPEAK klkds. Please give it some love because it truly deserves it!
♥︎ Kisses for Compliments by @hamsterseokjini
(S, 4.1k) Jealous boyfriend Seokjin! (EEE!)
Summary: What happens when you compliment the boys and Jin can't stand and watch.
❀ jealousy on closed doors by @andoyuki
(S, 11.8k) Jealous husband Seokjin! (ANOTHER ONE BC I LOVE JELLY JIN!)
Summary: In which Seokjin shows you who you belong to when he sees you getting a bit too comfortable with the boys
❀ Grey Zone by @floralseokjin
(A, S, F, 10.4k) Ex’s to lovers
Summary: you and Jin used to date, but things ended pretty quickly, realising that maybe you guys weren’t meant to be. Over the past couple of months, he’s had to watch you with another guy, knowing it wasn’t right. However, what can he do when he’s stuck in a grey zone… he knows he too, isn’t right for you, but all he wants is to hold you…?
AN: floralseokjin will ALWAYS be that author when it comes to good Seokjin fics, i would list out all their fics here but that would take up my whole list lol so please check them out!
❀ Peach Parfait by @jamaisjoons
(S, F, 18k) enemies to lovers, Chef Seokjin and chef reader, slow burn
Summary: You and seokjin have always been at odds as the top two chefs at big hit academy of culinary arts
❀ Thunder by @ppersonna
(S, F, 6k) best friends to lovers, camping/backpacking au, out in the wilderness (explore!!)
Summary: you allow your best friend Jin to take you backpacking once per year. apparently, this year’s outing would be the wettest yet.
♥︎ Bobsy-die by @jincherie
(S, F, 11.6k) Wolf Seokjin, alpha seokjin, heat is approaching
Summary: fic in which someone’s heat is approaching, and Seokjin doesn't do everything in his power to stay away from you… However, he fails extremely.
❀ Did you forget about back home? By @twelveohfour
(S, F, 6.1k) Husband Seokjin!
Summary: There's a certain amount of expectations placed on a husband and wife when both are the successors to their families' respective companies. Most pressing after making sure the respective businesses are running smoothly? Keeping the family line going, of course. Unfortunately for you and Seokjin, the two of you have been so preoccupied with work that you've neglected to attend to that part of your responsibilities.
❀ my type by @floralseokjin
(S, 6.1k) Virgin and nerd (fav duo) seokjin, losing the nerd's virginity
Summary: you take the college nerd’s virginity
♥︎ urs by @floralseokjin
(S, F ,4.8k) Boyfriend Seokjin! First time together!
Summary: seokjin and his gf’s first time together
♥︎ Too good to be true by @ppersonna
(S, F, 4.8k) tooth rotting fluffy seokjin
Summary: Kim Seokjin loves you. And, blessedly, you love him. As much as he obsesses over you, you feel it tenfold. He can see it in your eyes, the glimmer of adoration. You glow, mixed with your own love and his. Separately, you are your own individual persons, but together you fit as if cut from the same cloth.
Summary: it’s been eight months since you’ve started your relationship with jin. he’s the guy for you, you’re sure of it. which is why you’re more than ready to take things to the next step.
AN: this one is short but oh god does it get you kicking and giddy, i love boyfriend seokjin so much i know he would treat you so gently.
❀ all an act by @tteokggukk
(S, F, 10.6k) Enemies to lovers, acting major Seokjin, college au
Summary: in which you and seokjin are two of the top performing students but can never seem to work well together. one day, your professor fails a paper he assigned you and seokjin to work on, and in order to gain a perfect grade, you two must work on a film together. only problem is, the last scene is an impossible task.
❀ Rings by @persphonesorchid
(S, A, 17.7k) Boxer Seokjin
Summary: All Jin knew was the ropes of a boxing ring, the pain of broken limbs. He grew up in this life, making a name for himself, the path that his father had carved out for him. He knew nothing of a gentle touch and soft whispers and a sweet girl who had no business around the likes of him.
❀ Big Dick by @borathae
(S, 3.9k) soft dom Seokjin
summary: nothing but pure smut
❀ made-up love song by @floralseokjin
(S, 11k) Strangers to lovers, Single dad Seokjin, DILF Seokjin! School teacher reader
Summary: Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher living with your best friend, and have never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire.
AN: yeah ignore my earlier comment about not adding in all of floralseokjin’s work on my list…
♥︎ the courtship chronicles by @gukyi
(F, A, 20k) Best friends to lovers, yearning and hopelessly in love seokjin, fake dating au
Summary: dating has never been anywhere near your list of priorities, but kim seokjin is nothing if not determined. and when he comes to the rescue and accompanies you to your friend’s wedding, he decides to request only one thing in return: for you to let him take you out on fake dates and shower you in fake affection, and show you how much fun dating can be. he just needs to remember to keep the part where he’s been in love with you under wraps.
AN: this has no smut at all but oh my gosh its so cute, if you love fake dating this is the one!
❀ Thank you, daddy by @ktheist
(S, 19k) Sugar daddy Seokjin, Sugar baby reader, Ceo au, my current read!
Summary: the last time you saw seokjin was when he went off to college and never looked back. uncle kim, a friend of your father who treated you like his own daughter, would complain about his estranged son whenever he came to visit in the new year and got drunk and turned into a pathetic sobbing mess. that scared the fuck out of you because who knew old people could look so ugly when they’re crying over their child whom they neglected for the most part of his life? well, that child grew up into a fine young man. Fine enough to afford a sugar baby.
SERIES
❀ Amalthea by @daechwitatamic
(A,S,F, Complete, 40k) Best friend’s brother
Summary: You can count on two things in life. One: that your lifelong best friend Minji will always be there for you, in your corner, your brightest star. Two: that you'll never be free from her older brother Seokjin's orbit - the gravitational pull is just too strong.
❀ Off The Grid by @wildchildtale
(S, ongoing, current read!) F1 Driver Seokjin, Sister’s best friend, age gap
Summary: Formula 1’s golden child, Kim Seokjin has everything one could possibly wish for. You are his sister's best friend, nearly a decade younger than him, and the last person anyone would ever associate with someone like him. Out of everyone he could possibly be drawn to, YOU should not be one of them.
♥︎ Off Limits by @floralseokjin
(S, A, Complete 8/8 chapters) Brother’s best friend, sneaky relationship
Summary: you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…
AN: GUYS i was so scared i lost the link to this beautiful piece of work (and of COURSE it’s by the one and only floralseokjin) but I found it and I’m so happy to share this one because it’s one my favorite series ever!!
DRABBLES: Short on time? Read my favs on the go! (1k or less)
❀ Breeding Kink by @jjungkookislife
❀ Blowjob by @sugarlywhispers
❀ Thinking about Jealous Jin… by @7ndipity
❀ Dating Jin headcanons by @7ndipity
❀ You've reached the end my lovely readers! If you enjoyed this list as much as I had fun making it, please like/reblog so others can enjoy too! Please let me know if you liked these recs!
bf! Jin likes to make sure you're well fed, softening you up with a knowing grin as he tilts his head. "Here, try this," or "take another bite for me," and "that's it, you're doing so well for me."
The man loves to provide, and one of his favorite ways to provide is by cooking for you and feeding you. He jokes that he just needs you to sit there and be pretty for him while he whips up a quick dinner. And you two joke the entire time, talking about your day, if you two want to make any plans for the weekend, as you sit at the kitchen island with a loving smile.
He stops every now and then to make you taste something, waiting for your response before he continues cooking. Sometimes, he sneaks in little kisses, mumbling that it gives him energy, but you know he just wants to kiss you.
bf! Jin is lowkey competitive as fuck with you. You two make everything into a game, whether that's who's cleaning the dishes tonight or who gets to pay at the restaurant you went out to.
His eyes gleam with mischief when he sees you narrow your eyes at him, and you're already placing a closed fist over your palm. "Rock, paper, scissors - winner pays." You challenge, and your boyfriend smirks as you nod your head at him to copy your stance.
Jin is competitive, but he plays dirty.
As soon as you see him move his hand from behind his back, you're thinking he's going to entertain your games, but he moves faster than you, and a resonating "ding!" chimes between you two.
You blink, once then twice, before you process that instead of the "rock" you thought he'd make to start the game, it was actually him bringing out his phone to tap-to-pay.
Then he adds salt to your wound by laughing, cooing at your pouty lips as he pulls you closer. He gives you a kiss in apology, but you know that he won this round, and you'll need to find a way to even the score.
bf! Jin is full of praise and reassurance. If there is one thing you need to know, it's that your boyfriend will never hesitate to give you encouragement in anything you do.
You want to start a new hobby? He's the first to fund it, buying anything you need as he gives you a grin. He's your biggest cheerleader.
You just did the dishes, even when you really didn't want to? He's pulling you into his arms, letting out a little huff of laughter as he praises you. "Good job, my love! You did the dishes, you're amazing."
Sometimes, you roll your eyes because his kind words make your tummy flip and your cheeks flush, but you never stop him as he gives you a kiss to your cheek and warms your heart with more praise.
bf! Jin shows you he loves you by doing the little things.
It’s shown when he drives, and his hand finding its way onto your thigh as his other one steers. He doesn’t even look your way when he does it, but you can feel the way his fingertips dimple into the jeans you wear today, making your heart warm up.
It’s shown when you are walking, and he falls in step with you, listening to yap about the most randomest thoughts that pop into your brain. And when there isn’t room on the sidewalk for him, he steps behind you, his hand finding the small curve of your back to let you know he is there, and he is still listening.
It also shows when you two go shopping, whatever shopping bags you acquire from your wandering eye, he holds in his hand without second thought. He reassures you he has it, and nods his head to let you continue shopping while he holds your purse with a loving smile.
And it shows when he refuses to let you carry anything he deems too heavy. He knows you are capable, that you’re strong and do it yourself, but when he is around he wants you to know you don’t have to be. He will be strong for you.
i love blogging so much :') being on here has really helped me explore my creative side so much more and it has made me happy to be sharing what I love with other people here. I honestly dont care if I get few interactions, but it makes me happy with the few ones that I do get and it makes my heart swell with joy. I've created such a fun and safe space for myself here I forever feel grateful to experience this small joy in my life :3
curating my seokjin rec list as I SPEAKKK. i was going thru my recs and i actually started giggling and screaming bc i love seokjin so much and I love the concept of sharing my favorite reads of him with everyone else here <3
( 𝓕𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 ) 𝗷𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗸𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. ˖Ი𐑼⋆ smau +++ mdni. no strings attached was the original agreement, but between the purple marks on your neck and the deleted messages, the boundaries have completely blurred because jungkook is secretly falling in love with you.
the cold night air hits your face the second JUNGKOOK drags you out through the doors of the club, his grip tight around your wrist. you had thrown yourself at him the moment he found you by the bar, which was easy considering you were shouting his name, wrapping your arms around his neck, and pressing sloppy kisses all over his face. but jungkook wasn't having it. his face was stone cold, his jaw clenched so tightly his veins jumped, completely serious as he ignored your whining complaints and led you straight toward his parked car.
"gukkieeee, walk slower," you stumble, your heels clicking unevenly against the asphalt as he opens the passenger door and gently but firmly handles you into the seat.
the moment he climbs into the driver's seat and shuts the door, locking out the muffled bass of the club, you crawl straight across the center console. you tangle your fingers in his dark hair, pulling his face toward yours, your breath hot against his lips. "are we gonna fuck in the car? we haven’t had car sex in a while... please, i want you so bad right now."
jungkook lets out a heavy sigh, his hands coming up to grip and pull your hands away.
"we're not doing anything in the car," he doesn't lean into the kiss, and he is serious about what he is saying.
"why not?" you whine, your lower lip trembling as you try to crawl into his lap anyway. "you usually love when i do this, and you always say yes."
"because you're drunk," he murmurs, his tone softening for a second as he shifts you back into your own seat and pulls the seatbelt across your chest, clicking it into place. "you can barely keep your eyes open, and i'm not laying a single hand on you like this."
"but i told you i love you," you blurt out, the alcohol making you completely unfiltered as you look at him with teary eyes. "i want to be your girlfriend, gukkie... d-don't you want me to?"
jungkook freezes as his hand lingers on the steering wheel. a flash of vulnerability crosses his face, but he quickly forces it down, starting the engine. "you're drunk," he repeats quietly, "whatever you say right now won't mean a thing tomorrow. you won't even remember half of it."
"i will! i will remember everything!" you protest, but your eyes are already growing heavy, the warmth of the car heater immediately making the alcohol weigh double on your eyelids.
you spend the rest of the drive slumped against the window, grumbling under your breath until you finally pass out. when the car stops, you barely register jungkook unbuckling you, scooping your limp body up into his arms, and carrying you up the stairs into his apartment.
there is no filthy fucking tonight, or no crossed boundaries on his leather couch.
instead, he sets you down gently on his bed, carefully sliding your heels off your feet and pulling his favorite oversized shirt over your head to replace your uncomfortable club clothes. you groan, rolling over, but jungkook is already back a minute later, sitting on the edge of the mattress with a glass of water and headache pills in his hand.
"up," he orders softly, propping your back up against his chest and holding the glass to your lips. "drink all of it and try not to spit."
you whine, sipping the water obediently while he patiently coaxes the medicine down your throat. once the glass is empty, he lays you back down on the pillows, pulling the covers and the pink blanket up to your chin. you expect him to leave, to go sleep on the couch to keep the distance between you, but instead, your friend climbs in right next to you.
he pulls your back flush against his chest, wrapping his tattooed arm securely around your waist to lock you against his warmth. pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck, then into your hair as he hums and sighs, since you smell like cigarettes and alcohol.
"sweet dreams, angel," he whispers, voice full of all the unspoken feelings he's been hiding for months, and a pinch of worry because of the thought of having a real conversation in the morning. but that's a problem for your future you. now it's time to immerse yourself in dreamland, and for him to dream about the things he wants most in this world... you.
TROPES -> she falls first he falls harder, yearning, age gap, angst, hurt comfort, absent mother, jungkook is a little pathetic
now playing: ilysmih - kali uchis˚.⋆♪
index
⤷01: hired!
the house didn’t feel like a home. it felt like something paused.
⤷02: help wanted
he heard you laughing with arin in the kitchen. soft. warm. easy. he lingered in the hallway longer than he should have. he told himself he was just listening for his daughter. he knew he was lying.
⤷03: girls
“you’re back!” arin exclaimed, her pigtails bobbing with every stride towards you. she hugged your leg.
“hi, honey,” you bent down to pull her into a real embrace, wrapping your arms around her.
⤷04: ravioli
he didn’t realize he was staring at the chair across from him until he caught himself imagining you there. he shouldn’t have liked the thought. but he did.
⤷05: dust bunnies
sometimes, when golden light poured through the windows, you let your mind wander. you pictured yourself waking up here not as the nanny.
but as his.
⤷06: 2:17 am
the digital clock glowed from the nightstand. his meeting had run absurdly late. arin was spending the weekend with his parents, which normally would’ve eased his mind. she loved being spoiled by her grandparents. instead, he was awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about you.
⤷07: home
his voice didn’t break. his eyes did. and you didn’t move away. that was his undoing.
⤷08: soju
he let you hold him. after that night, nothing felt harmless anymore.
⤷09: coconut
it was pathetic.
the way he watched you. the way he remembered every little thing you liked. the way he felt sixteen again around you.
you were ten years younger. bright. soft. untouched by the kind of loneliness that hollowed him out. he had no business wanting you.
⤷10: jacket
the house was too quiet without arin. too still.
you stood at the door, fingers around the knob. he felt it.
that emptiness creeping back in.
“stay.”
