twenty-three. latina. she/her.
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twenty-three. latina. she/her.
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Chapter 03.
<- last chapter
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader AND Abby Anderson x Reader (separately)
Word Count: 9.3k+
Summary: You and Ellie catch up, but this cause major turmoil inside of you. You have a huge decision to make.
A/N: Hello! Sorry this took longer than expected to be posted! This chapter has been done since last week, but it has taken everything out of me to edit it lol sorry. If you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!
Ao3 Link
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I canât do this. I need to get the fuck out of this place.
Out of all the places in the country you could possibly be, you would end up where Ellie lived. Of course, after all of these years, this would be the place. The universe always played sick jokes on you.Â
The truth was, Ellie being here complicated everything. Your emotions and your capabilities of finishing this mission were shot. You wanted to give up the mission and live in this fantasy world Ellie lived in, but you couldn't. Abby was waiting for you on the other side.
Regardless, you held on to Ellie. You could still feel her breath on your neck. It was unbelievable that this was how everything would play out.Â
The two of you held onto each other as if you were afraid that the other might disappear if you let go.Â
âHey, is everything alright out heââ
Jesseâs voice cut off mid-sentence.Â
You immediately release her at the sound of his voice, almost instinctively stepping back. Your eyes were red, your face blotchy from crying, and Ellie did not look any better.Â
â...Did we miss something?â Dina asks slowly. Her gaze flicked between you and Ellie. âEllie?â
Ellie snaps back to reality by the sound of her name. She stepped away from you and toward her friends, rubbing the back of her neck like sheâd been caught doing something she wasnât supposed to.
âNo,â she muttered. âWeâre good.â
Jesse wasnât convinced. His eyebrows were raised nearly to his hairline as he looked between the two of you standing there in the snow like a pair of guilty teenagers.
âYou two are gonna explain why youâre both crying in the middle of the street,â he said, âor are we just gonna pretend this is normal?â
Ellie shot him an annoyed look. âDrop it, man.â
Dina crossed her arms, her curiosity clearly winning the battle.
âOh no,â she said, stepping closer. âWe are absolutely not dropping it.â
âYou ran out of there,â she said, pointing at you. âEllie chased after you. Now we come out here and find you two hugging and crying in the middle of the street. How did this happen? Youâve been here less than an hour.â
She tilted her head in your direction, âSo yeah. Iâm gonna need the full story.â
Ellie glanced at you briefly before answering.
âWe grew up together,â she said.
âThatâs it?â Jesse asked.
Ellie shrugged, but Dinaâs eyes stayed on you. They were sharp. Observant. Youâd seen that look before on soldiers and patrol leaders, people who had learned the hard way that trusting the wrong stranger could get everyone killed. You had looked at people the same way far too many times in Seattle.
Ellie shifted beside you, clearly uncomfortable.
âDina,â she muttered. âItâs not a big deal.â
Dina raised an eyebrow.
âReally?â she said slowly. âBecause it looks like a big deal.â
The wind swept through the street, carrying loose snow across the ground in thin white ribbons. Your fingers had gone numb, but you barely noticed. Every nerve in your body was focused on the three people standing in front of you.
Jesse exhaled through his nose and rubbed his hands together.
âOkay,â he said. âBefore we do this interrogation thing out here and freeze to deathâŠâ
He gestured toward the building behind them.
âCan we take this inside?â
Dina didnât move. Her eyes were still locked on you.
Jesse sighed.
âDina.â
She finally broke her stare, rolling her shoulders slightly.
âFine,â she muttered.
Jesse turned back toward the mess hall and pushed the door open. Warm air spilled out immediately, along with the muffled noise of people talking and dishes clinking.
âInside,â he said, waving you all in. âThen we play twenty questions.â
Ellie shot him a glare but stepped forward anyway.
You followed behind them, your boots tracking wet snow across the wooden floor. The warmth inside hit your skin almost painfully after the cold outside. A few people glanced over when the door slammed shut behind Jesse, but most went back to their conversations. Jesse led the group toward a quieter corner of the room, near a small table pushed up against the wall.
âAlright,â he said, dropping into a chair. âLetâs hear it.â
Ellie immediately leaned against the wall, arms crossed, clearly hoping the conversation would somehow dissolve on its own.
She tilted her head slightly, studying your face like she was piecing together a puzzle.
âI knew Ellie from the Boston QZ. We grew up together until she left. I stayed for a while, then I also left. I lived in Seattle with a group, then we left because nowhere is stable enough to stay in for too long. We heard about a settlement, but my friends were killed by raiders a few towns back.â
The group nodded, looking between you and Ellie. Awkward silence lingered on the table until Jesse leaned back, his chair creaking against the wooden floor. "You missed the early days," he said, glancing at Ellie with a smirk. "When this one first got here, she was like a feral cat. I think she threatened to shoot me twice in the first week just for saying 'good morning'."
Dina laughed, a bright, genuine sound that felt out of place in a world that usually only knew silence or screams. She reached out and nudged Ellieâs shoulder. "Only twice? Jesse, you must have caught her on a good week. She nearly broke my nose during a snowball fight because I 'snuck up on her'."
Ellie rolled her eyes, but there was a softness in her expression that you didn't recognize. "I didn't know the rules of engagement for snow yet," she muttered, though a small, reluctant smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
You sat there, hands wrapped around a mug of lukewarm water just to feel the heat, and listened.
They talked about the time theyâd spent a whole afternoon trying to fix a tractor that was clearly beyond saving, only for Tommy to walk over and fix it in five minutes with a single wrench. They talked about the dances in the gym, the local gossip about who was courting who, and the "Great Blueberry Incident" on a patrol two summers ago that ended with Jesseâs horse being stained purple for a month.
With every story, the gap between you and Ellie seemed to widen.
They knew the Ellie who liked to draw in the quiet of the library. They knew the Ellie who complained about the smell of the stables but always volunteered for the late shift anyway. They knew the Ellie who felt safe enough to laugh.
"Sheâs a different person when sheâs out on the trail, though," Dina said, her voice softening as she looked at you. "The most capable scout weâve got. I don't know what weâd do without her."
Ellie shifted, her shoes scuffing the floor. She wasn't looking at them; she was looking at you. She saw the way you were holding yourself, shoulders tight, eyes moving toward the exits every time a door slammed. She knew that look. It was the look of someone who was still looking over their shoulder, someone who hadn't slept in a real bed in years.
âYouâre quiet,â Jesse noted, tilting his head. âBoston mustâve been a lifetime ago, huh?â
âIt feels like it,â you said, your voice sounding raspy even to your own ears.
âWell, youâre here now,â Dina said. There was still a flicker of suspicion in her eyes. Dina was too smart to let it go entirely, but there was kindness there, too. âWe take care of our own in Jackson.â
The word 'own' stung. You weren't one of them. You would never be one of them, no matter how much you yearned to be part of Ellieâs world again. You were just a ghost haunting a feast.
As they kept talking, their voices began to blur into a hum of domesticity. You watched the way Dinaâs hand would occasionally brush Ellieâs arm, the way Jesse spoke with the easy confidence of a man who knew he had a home to go back to. They were sharing a life, while you were just sharing a lie.
The jealousy brewed in your stomach. It wasn't just that they had food and warmth; it was that they had her. They had the versions of Ellie that you had missed out on, the teenage years, the growing pains, the safety.
You were jealous. They spent all of these years with Ellie getting to know her better than you ever did. Jealousy was a green-eyed bitch gripping you by the throat.
Day 1
You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Sleep had been a stranger last night; your mind was stuck on an endless loop of Ellie.
How was it possible that she was here? How were you here? How was that possible? You could never return here even if you wanted to. You were set to kill a man from this same town. You would never be welcomed.
Would Ellie see past this?
Your mind spiraled for hours on end, until a knock at the front door broke you out of it. You peel yourself off the bed and head over to the door.Â
Opening the door, you let out a big yawn.Â
A man stood before you with a box filled with things. You furrow your eyebrows and say, âUm, Hello?â
âMorninâ sweetheart, Iâm Joel MillerâŠâ
Joel Fucking Miller was standing at your front door. You didn't even have to go on a hunt for him. He came to you. You truly could not help but smirk.Â
âIâm sorry, I did not catch a word you said, Joel. I guess my brain is still asleep, but come on in. Iâm Y/N.â You say opening the door wide enough to let him in.Â
Holy shit.
He shakes his head as he steps in, âMaria sent me over to bring you more clothes and personal hygiene things.â
âThat is very sweet of you, Joel. I appreciate it. Let me invite you to a cup of coffee to thank you for bringing this over.â You say almost demanding. You needed him to stay longer to scope him out.Â
âYou got coffee, kid?â He said, surprised.
âYup. I traded for it a couple of towns back. It is my prized possession, but you seem worth it to share with.â You said you were heading towards your bags, which you dumped by the stairs last night, too tired to sort your things out.Â
You could not wrap your head around the fact that JOEL MILLER was standing in front of you. After a thousand miles of traveling, he just stood in front of you waiting for coffee.Â
This was the man who killed Abbyâs dad in cold blood, and you were offering a cup of coffee.Â
Abby would not believe this. There's no way in hell that she would. You could already imagine the sheer disgust all over her face.Â
You take the kettle off the stove and pour him a cup. âHere you go. Careful, it's hot.â You say handing the mug over to Joel. His body immediately relaxes as the coffee touches his mouth.
âWow. I havenât had coffee in ages. Thank you.â
You give him a small nod as you sip from your own cup, examining him.Â
He was old, but still looked strong. Wrinkles adorned his face. He was too trusting. That was his fatal flaw. He came into the house without knowing you.
The two of you sit in silence, drinking coffee. It was oddly peaceful. You expected him to be hostile and cold. You expected a murderer, but he was just an old man trying to make it through life, finding joy in a cup of coffee. Maybe he was different back then. Maybe he is different now.Â
âI ought to head out. I have to patrol in about 30 minutes. I wish I could stay longer to enjoy this coffee, but I wanted to thank you.â He said, setting down his cup.
âYeah, of course. Come back anytime, Iâd be happy to share another cup of coffee with you.â You say, walking him towards the door.Â
You wave at him as he walks out the door.Â
Abby would be losing her shit.
â-
Your body craved to see Ellie. You wanted to take every bit of her in. You wanted to know all about the time you missed out on.
Your body ached to see Ellie again.
I wasnât just a want. It was deeper than that. Something instinctive, like your skin, remembered her and needed to feel her touch again.
You wanted to memorize every inch of her all over again. The way she smiled, the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed.
The sound of her voice.
You have missed out on five years of her life.Â
Five years of stories you didnât know, memories you were not a part of.
And the worst part of it all?
There wasnât enough time to make up for it. You couldnât stay to make up for the lost time.Â
You came here with a purpose. The purpose of being in and out. You had to go back to Abby.Â
Things between you and Abby were complicated and messy. Broken in ways neither of you has had the chance to figure out how to fix yet. But despite everything, despite the distance and the pain and the way your heart broke more and more when you were near her, you couldnât bring yourself to hurt her. Let alone betray her.Â
There's no way you could. Not after everything you had been through together. The miles you traveled side by side. The years of friendship.
You couldnât betray her because you loved her, despite everything.Â
Your fingers tightened around your mug as you continued to spiral.
You needed a plan for this. You walked in here with no plans other than âlure Joel out in 3 days.â Who in their right mind would agree to this with no plan?Â
If you did lure Joel out, would the people of Jackson ever find out?
Could you disappear before anyone realized what happened?Â
Could you get away with it?
Could you still have Ellie after?
If she were to find out, would she look at you differently?
You shut your eyes tightly. Why did Ellie have to be here?
But before you could dwell on Ellie for too long, Abby pushed her way into your mind.Â
Could you forget about Abby?
You hated this. You hated how tangled everything had become and how every choice seemed impossible.Â
The more logical choice was to continue with the mission as planned, forget about Ellie. You have lived five years without her. You have a good life in Seattle. You have friends. You have a role in your life in Seattle. You have Abby.
A sudden, frantic pounding slammed against the front door, ripping you out of your thoughts.
âY/N! OPEN THE DOOR!â
Ellie.
You shot up from your chair so fast the legs scraped harshly against the floor.
Your heart was pounding against your chest.Â
Ellie stood outside the door like a storm ready to break through it.Â
Truth was, she had barely slept. She was too excited to see you again.
The entire night, she tossed and turned, staring up at the ceiling, your face burned into her mind.Â
You were here. In Jackson. After five years.
After five years of wondering what had become of you. Five years of thinking she would never see your face again. And now, you have appeared here, in her home.
She couldnât waste another second.Â
She lifted her hand to pound on the door again, âY/N!!â
You rushed across the room and yanked the door open just before she could knock again.
âEllie, what the hell?â you said breathlessly. âYouâre gonna break the damn door down.â
Ellie barely hears what you say to her. The moment the door opened, her eyes landed on you, and everything else disappeared. She stood there and took you in.Â
Her eyes lit up like someone had struck a match inside them. You were beautiful, even more than she remembered.
Her stomach twisted as a wave of embarrassment hit her. How the hell had she not recognized you yesterday?
âYouâre real,â she muttered under her breath, almost like she didn't believe it.Â
You let out a small chuckle.Â
She was still the same girl from Boston. Still impatient. Still intense. Still bursting with too much emotion to contain.Â
God, you missed her.
Five years. Five entire years of her life you hadnât been there for.Â
How were you supposed to spend the next couple of days with her knowing the truth?
Knowing you were here to drag Joel Miller out and end his life?
How were you supposed to laugh with her?
Talk with her?
Share stories?
Pretend everything is normal?
And even if you could forget your purpose of being here, even for a moment, how could five years of lost time ever fit into three days?
Your chest tightened again.Â
You knew the reality. You werenât stupid enough to believe this stupid fantasy.Â
Once Joel was dead, this fantasy would be over.Â
Ellie.
Jackson. All of it would be over.Â
You would return to Seattle and be forced to forget about this.Â
âCome on,â Ellie said suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts. âGet your stuff and letâs go.â
âWhat?â
âWeâve got five years to catch up,â she said. âAnd Iâm not wasting another second standing around.â
You laugh and run to throw on your coat, hat, and gloves.
âWhere are you taking me, Williams?â you ask.
âI want to show you around Jackson,â Ellie said as she grabbed your wrist and started pulling you down the steps. âThere is something I really want you to see.â
You laughed softly and followed her.Â
Jackson unfolded around you like something out of a dream.Â
People moved through the streets with easy smiles. Kids chased each other between buildings. Someone was chopping wood nearby while a pair of horses clopped slowly down the road.Â
Peace.
Real peace.
It almost made your stomach twist.Â
None of them suspected a thing. No one here could possibly imagine that the stranger walking through their town was here to hunt one of their own.Â
Your eyes drifted across the streets of Jackson as you walked beside Ellie. The place was beautiful. Safe in a way, the world outside the walls simply wasnât.Â
You wondered what your life might have looked like if you had ended up here with Ellie instead of Seattle all those years ago.Â
The two of you walked in silence for a while.Â
Ellie didnât rush you.Â
She remembered exactly what it felt like arriving in Jackson for the first time. The noise, the people, and the overwhelming sense that life was somehow normal here.Â
So for a few more moments, she let you take it all in before she disturbed the silence. âYou remember that silly little stuffed bunny you used to carry around everywhere?â
âOh my god, Mr. Fluffington?â you ask.
Ellie laughed, âYou gave him such a stupid name. That ugly thing.â
âHey!â you protested, nudging her shoulder, âHis name wasnât stupid, and he was NOT ugly.â
âHe was missing an eye, and he was filthy.â
âIt gave him character.â
âYou used to do everything with that thing,â she began, âI remember you refused to do anything without that thing.â
âI have had him since I was four. I loved him,â you say, smiling at her.
âYeah, well,â Ellie continued, rubbing the back of her neck, âI hated that bunny.â
âEllie, seriously, a stuffed animal that was older than both of us? Hating a stuffed animal is crazy.â
âYou loved it more than me!â
You barked out a laugh, âNo, thatâs not true. I did not.â
âIt was true to twelve-year-old me,â she says defensively.
âIs that why you got him confiscated?â You ask
âDonât start.â Ellie laughed
âWhat! You got him taken away!â
âIn my defense, I didnât know the guards were going to search us!â
âYou waved it in their faces!â
âI did not!â
You rolled your eyes.Â
âYou were so mad at me,â Ellie said.Â
âYou got my favorite thing taken away, Williams. I remember I cried for DAYS, and when I finally got over the sadness, the anger settled in, and I hid your Walkman for a month,â you admit.
Ellie stopped in her tracks and looked straight at you.Â
âIt was you?! You evil person! I searched everywhere for it. I was so miserable without music! I cannot believe you!â
âMr. Fluffington was my prized possession, so it was only right to take yours. I gave it back anyway.â
âI actually tried to replace him,â she admitted
Your eyes flicked towards her.
âWhat?â
Ellie gestured toward a small building up ahead.Â
âWhen I first got here, Maria made me take a sewing class. Said everyone had to learn something useful.â
You stared at her. âSo you took up sewing?â
âYeah, yeah. Laugh it up.â
You really tried to hide your smile, but you could not stop imagining Ellie Williams sewing.Â
âMy first project wasâŠâ she paused, pushing open the door in front of you, âthis.â
The room inside smelled faintly of fabric and thread. Tables scattered around with scraps of cloth, spools of string, and half-finished projects.
Ellie walked over to a small wooden shelf and picked something up before turning back toward you.Â
In her hand was a stuffed bunny.
Your breath caught.Â
He wasnât identical; he was a patchwork bunny made up of different shades of blue.
Same floppy ears.
Same pink stitched nose.
Same missing eye.
You stared at it, completely in disbelief.Â
Ellie shifted awkwardly under your gaze.
âI made it the first week I got here,â she whispered. âI missed you so badly. I figured⊠if I couldnât give you the old one backâŠâ
She shrugged, her eyes glued to the floor.Â
â...maybe I could make a new one.â
Your chest tightened painfully.Â
âReally, he lives at home with me, but I brought him here for the dramatics,â she began, âI kept him close because it made me feel like you were still somewhere close to me.â
You didn't realize you stepped closer until you were standing right in front of her. Your fingers brushed the fabric gently, almost afraid that if you touched him, he would fade away.Â
Tears gathered in your eyes.
You werenât sure what to do. You didn't know if you wanted to cry, or thank her, or hug her. Or tell her how much this meant to you that she carried a piece of you through all these years.Â
But somehow, you were just frozen.
âOh, EllieâŠâ you whisper.
âTake it,â she said, shoving the bunny into your hands.
You look down at the bunny in your hands, then back up at Ellie, before pulling her into a tight hug.
âThank you, Ellie.â
Ellie wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tightly.Â
You let go first, standing there awkwardly.Â
âAlright,â she said, clearing her throat. âNext stop.â
You followed her back outside, still holding the bunny.
Soon, the two of you arrived at a small garage on the edge of the street.
You looked up at it and immediately snorted.
âItâs so typical of you to live in a garage, Ellie.â
She groaned.
âOh my god, shut up.â
She pushed the door open and gestured dramatically.
âWelcome to my humble abode.â
The moment you stepped inside, you couldnât help smiling.
It was so Ellie.
Posters covered the walls. Drawings were taped up everywhere. Old records were stacked beside a small turntable. Books, comics, and random junk filled every surface.
Messy.
Creative.
Alive.
It looked exactly like the room of the fourteen-year-old girl you remembered⊠She just happened to grow up a little.Â
Ellie started to say something, probably beginning a tour, but you were already wandering around the room, inspecting everything.
Your eyes landed on photographs pinned to the wall.
Ellie and other people. You assumed her friends.Â
Laughing.
Smiling.
Living.
Jealousy crept into your chest before you could stop it.
You had missed all of this.
You missed out on so much. She was here, building a life, experiencing peace and happiness.
Your gaze stopped on one photo in particular.
A girl sat on a chair while holding a tattoo gun, concentrating carefully.
She was pretty, but not really Ellieâs type.
âWhoâs that?â you asked, pointing.
Ellie glanced over.
âOh. Cat. Sheâs my ex.â
You looked back at the photo, inspecting it more closely. Her ex. You tried to be happy that she lived a life where she could say that she had an ex, but God, you were pissed that another girl got the opportunity to love her.
It was selfish because you also had your handful of flings back home, but you couldnât help but feel this way.
âSheâs pretty cool,â Ellie added. âYouâd probably like her.â
You hummed noncommittally and continued wandering. Your fingers brushed over sketches taped to the wall before stopping on something that made your chest ache.
A worn photograph of the two of you.
You traced the edge of it gently. She kept it after all of these years, the last gift you gave her in Boston.
âI dreamt about this,â Ellie said quietly behind you.
You turned slightly.
âAbout what?â
âSeeing you again.â
Her voice had lost its usual teasing edge.
âIâm sorry I left you behind,â she said softly. âIf I had known⊠if I had even imagined what would happenâŠâ
Her voice faltered.
âI wouldâve fought harder to bring you with me.â
You looked at her for a moment.
âI know.â
And you did.
Ellie had been a kid. She had no choice in the decisions of the adults around her. She was just a kid.
You moved over to the couch and dropped down into it.
A stack of comic books sat on the coffee table.
Your eyes widened immediately.
âNo fucking way.â
You grabbed one and started flipping through it.
âYou have the whole collection?â
Ellie leaned against the couch, looking smug.
âHow the hell did you manage that?â you continued, scanning the covers. âThese are impossible to find!â
âDina and I found them in an old bookstore a couple towns over,â she said. âYou can borrow them if you want.â
You flipped another page, shaking your head in disbelief.
âThese are Abbyâs favorites,â you muttered.
Ellie straightened slightly. âWhoâs Abby?â
The air in the room seemed to freeze. Your heart dropped straight into your stomach, and your skin went cold.
How fucking stupid could you possibly be?
You forced your expression to stay neutral.
âShe⊠was my friend,â you said carefully.
Your fingers tightened slightly around the comic book.
âShe was one of the people who died.â
Ellie watched you carefully. Most people wouldn't have noticed it. The tiny shift in your demeanor. Barely there, but Ellie noticed. Your eyebrow twitched for half a second, and your thumb rubbed against the side of your index finger. The same nervous habit you had since you were a kid.Â
There it was, you were lying.
Ellie tilted her head slightly, âTell me about her.â
Maybe if she kept you talking long enough, she would catch you slipping up.Â
This couldnât possibly be happening.Â
Yeah, Ellie, my dead friend Abby is actually very much alive, sitting up in the lodge right now waiting for me to deliver the man who killed her dad.
âI met her in Seattle,â you began. âAbout 3 or 4 years ago.â
Your eyes drifted back down to the comic book in your hands.
âI was trying to steal supplies from the settlement she was at. Whatever I could get my hands on, but I was specifically looking for guns, ammo, and medical supplies.â
Ellie listened attentively to your story.Â
âAs I had gotten to their medical base, I got caught.â
You could still remember the fear you felt. The floodlights and the rifles aimed at your chest. Isaac stood there watching you like you were some kind of interesting creature.Â
âThey have a rule there to shoot to kill, but they took an interest in me almost immediately. I had managed to sneak through three guard rotations and nearly got away with a third of their armory before I was caught.â
You continue.
âI was assigned to be roommates with Abby, and her group of friends took me in almost immediately.â
You learned back slightly, finally looking up at Ellie.
âYou just told me how you got caught, you didnât actually tell me anything about Abby you know.â Ellie said, taking a seat across from you.Â
You sigh and slump on the couch.Â
âEllie please noâŠâYou begin
âCâmon, I can tell she meant a lot to you.â
You release the air you had been holding in and begin, âShe was my best friend, Els, I loved her very deeply.â
6 Months Ago
âAbigailâŠthis is beautiful.âÂ
Your voice echoed softly through the massive room as you stepped beneath enormous whales suspended from the ceiling. Their bodies stretched high above you.
You slowly spun in a circle, staring up in disbelief.
âJesus..â you murmured. âTo think those things are actually swimming around somewhere⊠that shit is terrifying.â
Behind you, Abby leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, watching your reaction carefully. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
âYou think this is impressive?â she asked. âThis is nothing. Just wait.â
Her boots echoed across the floor as she pushed off the wall and grabbed your wrist. She dragged you down the hallway before you could even protest. You stumbled after her until she stopped in front of a faded sign that read Maxâs Place.
The room was covered floor to ceiling with paintings. Bright colors, messy brushstrokes depicting sea life.Â
You walked closer to a painting of a dolphin. âWow, they were talented.â
You slowly walk down the hallways, admiring each painting.
âLetâs go,â Abby said, dragging you by the wrist.
âNo, hold on,â you protest, pointing at another painting. âLook at that one! The colors on thisââ
âY/N.â
You turn your attention to her.Â
Abby jerked her head toward a ladder in the corner.Â
âYou can admire the art later.â
You stared at the ladder.
Then at her.
Then back at the ladder.
ââŠAre you planning on killing me?â
Abby blinked twice in confusion, âWhat?â
âYou are luring me into a dark basement with a ladder,â you begin, slowly backing away. âThat is exactly how people die.â
Abby makes a face at you, which almost makes you laugh, but the fear clings to your stomach. There was no way you were going down that death trap. No way in hell.
âAre you serious right now?â
âI am your best friend, Abigail,â you say, âIt would be awfully rude to murder me.â
She shook her head at you in annoyance.Â
âYou trust me, right?â
You hummed thoughtfully, tilting your head like you were genuinely thinking about it.Â
âHmmmmmâŠno,â you joke, smirking at her.
Abby glares at you before extending her hand, âPlease, for me.â
You rolled your eyes dramatically before reluctantly taking her hand. Your favorite pass time was to give Abby a hard time.Â
âFine,â you say. âBut if I die, Iâm haunting you.â
âGood,â Abby replied as she started climbing down the ladder. âAt least then youâll finally be quiet.â
You scoffed and began to descend.
âAre you excited for your surprise?â Abby asked.
âNope.â
âSuch a buzzkill.â
âShut up,â you muttered. âYou love me.â
There was a small pause.
â...Debatable,â Abby replied.
After what seemed like an eternity of climbing down the ladder, your feet finally touched the ground again.Â
A dim hallway stretched ahead, lit by soft blue lights. Small water tanks lined the walls, fish drifting lazily behind glass panels. Painting filled the spaces without tanks. Your eyes flew all over the place.
âSeriously?â You groan, approaching the cardboard castle.Â
âDo you ever wait before you judge?â Abby asked before stepping through the castle.Â
âAbigailâŠâ you begin as you follow her through the castle. The moment you stepped inside, you froze.Â
Light filtered through massive sheets of water surrounding the room. The blue glow shimmered across the walls like sunlight beneath the ocean.
Your jaw dropped.
âOh, my godâŠâ
You rushed forward and pressed your hands against the glass.
Schools of fish drifted past slowly.
âThis is insane,â you whispered.
Behind you, Abby barely looked at the tanks. She was watching you. Watching the way your face lit up every time another fish swam by.
âYouâve been miserable lately,â she said quietly.
You glanced back at her.
âFigured you deserved something⊠nice.â
Your chest tightened slightly. You smiled at her, but before you could respond, Abby pointed ahead.
âThere he is, look,â Abby said.
You leaned closer. A seal suddenly darted across the glass, twisting playfully through the water before stopping right in front of you.
You gasped.
âNo way.â
The seal spun in a circle like it was showing off.
You laughed.
âYouâre such a showoff,â you said.
Behind you, Abby stepped closer. Without thinking, she rested her chin on your shoulder. Her breath warmed the side of your neck. Naturally, your body relaxed instantly against her. You tilted your head slightly until it rested against hers.
âAbigail, this is just⊠amazing⊠Thank you.â
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
âSoâŠDo you forgive me for making you get in the water?â Abby asked quietly, knowing exactly what your answer would be. You had kicked and screamed the whole way because you absolutely hated swimming. You were terrified, but somehow she convinced you to do it.Â
You turned slowly to face her.
âAbsolutely not, I couldâve drowned,â you said flatly,âOr even worse, I couldâve been swallowed by a whale.â
She throws her head back as a laugh is released deep from her belly. It was like music to your ears. This version of Abby was your favorite. Seeing her this happy was enough to keep you going. However, as her laughter died down, the look of happiness on her face was replaced witha rather serious one.Â
âOwen thinks we might have a lead on Joel,â she said.
Your stomach sank.
âHeâs close,â Abby continued quietly. âI know it.â
Her jaw tightened.
âI have to avenge my dad.â
You rubbed the back of your neck.
âThis is your revenge, not mine. IâŠI donât care about the old man, but I care about you. You know I would follow you to the ends of the earth, Abigail.â you said carefully.
You hated talking about Joel. You hated listening to Abbyâs voice crack. You hated the facade she put on for Owen to cover up her pain. You hated the tears gathering in her eyes. You hated all of it. You didnât care to kill the man. You cared about her. You always found yourself walking out of the room anytime she discussed it.Â
She didnât understand why you hated talking about it, but she knew youâd follow her anywhere. She quickly changed the subject, not wanting the tension to linger for much longer.
âI still donât understand why you insist on calling me Abigail,â Abby muttered.
You smirked.
âItâs your name. Is it not?â you asked, stepping closer to her. Your faces are now inches apart. Her blue eyes searching yours.
âYes,â she whispered.Â
Her gaze dropped to your lips.
Then back to your eyes.
You took her hands gently in yours, closing the gap between your bodies. You felt lucky to even be in her presence. To be here with her hand in yours. Your pulse hammered in your ears.
Then you kissed her.
Abby froze.
For a heartbeat, she didnât move.
Then she kissed you back.
Soft.
Careful.
Like she was testing something she didnât understand.
Then suddenly she shoved you away.
You stumbled backward, slamming lightly into the glass.
Your eyes widened.
Abby stood frozen, breathing hard.
âIâm sorry,â you blurted immediately. Panic flooded your chest.
âI shouldnât haveââ
âI donât like girls,â Abby said quickly.
Her voice shook.
âIâm with Owen.â
She ran a hand through her hair.
âI have to go.â
âAbbyââ
But she was already walking away from you. Your stomach dropped at the sight of it.Â
âAbigail, wait!â
You chased after her. Your boots pounded against the hallway floor as you caught up to her.
âAbby, please just listenââ
Abby walked faster at the sound of your voice behind her.Â
âIâm sorry,â you said breathlessly.
âI didnât mean to make things weird, I just thoughtââ
âYou thought wrong,â Abby snapped.
You finally caught up to her, and you grabbed her arm.
âAbby, pleaseââ
She jerked away from you like your touch burned.
âStop.â
The word came out sharp.
Your chest tightened.
âI didnât mean toââ
âI said stop,â Abby said again, refusing to look at you.
âIâm sorry,â you whispered desperately.
âI thought you felt it too.â
Abby finally turned around.
Her face was flushed with confusion and anger.Â
âWell, I donât. And you know Iâm with Owen,â she said quickly.
The words felt like a punch to the chest.
Your throat tightened.
âIâm sorry,â you said again, your voice breaking slightly.
âI just⊠misread everything.â
Abby looked away.
She couldnât even look at you.
âI have training,â she muttered.
Abby began her climb up the ladder in utter confusion. She had never felt anything like that with Owen. Electricity raced through her veins as your soft lips kissed hers, but it wasnât right. This isnât how you feel about your best friend. This isnât how things were supposed to happen. Abby is always in control.
You stood there frozen in the hallway watching her disappear up the ladder.
A quiet sob escaped your throat.
You dragged a hand down your face.
âGodâŠâ you muttered. âIâm such an idiot.â
Back inside the aquarium room, you slowly walked back toward the glass.
Fish drifted lazily through the water, completely unaware of what had just happened. Blissfully swimming as if you had not ruined everything.Â
You leaned your forehead against the cool glass.
âI wish I were one of you,â you whispered.
Because fish didnât ruin the only good thing they had.
Present Time
âThen she died, and we never got to resolve anything,â you say, clearing your throat. You left out the Joel part, but kept the integrity of the story.
âDo you regret any of it?âÂ
You regretted a lot of things in your life, but kissing Abby was not one of them. You regret closing off. You regret pushing her away, but that kiss⊠no way.
âNo, Iâd do it again.âÂ
This was the first time since your arrival in Jackson that Ellie had seen your guard down. The softness to your face returned as you spoke about Abby. Your entire body relaxed. Whoever this woman was, she mustâve mattered to you.Â
You wanted to stop talking about Abby as soon as possible. You didnât want to think about her around Ellie. They were two separate parts of your life, and you would like to keep it that way.Â
âTell me about you, Ellie. What happened to the cure?â
Before she had the opportunity to speak, a light knock interrupted her.
She stood and walked to the door. When she opened it, Joel stood on the porch.
âHey, kiddo, just makinâ sure youâre alright,â he said warmly, pulling her into a quick hug.
The word kiddo echoed in your mind.
Kiddo.
What the fuck was going on?
Ellie looked completely relaxed, smiling easily as she stepped aside to let him into the room, as if this were the most natural thing in the world. But it couldnât possibly be⊠right?
âJoel, I want you to meet someone very special to me,â She said, motioning him further inside. âOkay, Joel, this is Y/N Y/L, my best friend from the Boston QZ. Y/N, This is Joel Miller, heâs the man who smuggled me out of the QZ, heâs been like my father since.â
For a moment, everything inside the room froze. The world seemed to tilt slightly beneath your feet, the ground suddenly unstable in a way that made your stomach lurch.Â
Your heart slammed violently against your ribs at a speed you had never felt before.Â
Your hands began to tremble at your sides. At first it was subtle, just the faintest tremble in your fingers, then the longer you stood there it became worse. Your muscles felt tight, coiled too tightly beneath your skin, like they were waiting for something terrible to happen.
Joel and Ellie stood only a few feet away, but their faces began to blur together as your vision slowly tunneled inward. The edges of the room faded first, then the details. Their expressions smeared into vague shapes, their voices becoming slightly muffled beneath the sound of blood rushing violently through your ears.
No.Â
No way this was possible.
This man canât be the same man you are destined to lead to his death.
Your lungs suddenly forgot how to work. You tried to breathe in, but the air felt thin, like it wasnât filling your chest the way it should. You inhaled again, deeper this time, but the breath caught halfway down, leaving your chest tight and aching.
You needed to get out of this house before the pressure inside your chest tore you apart, but your legs refused to move.Â
You just stood there, rooted to the floor, while your mind scrambled desperately to make sense of the situation unfolding in front of you.
Ellie.
Joel.
Abby.
The names collided violently in your head.
On one end was Ellie. Ellie, who you had just reunited with after years apart. The girl who had once been your entire world inside the Boston QZ. Seeing her again had felt like finding a piece of yourself you didnât realize had gone missing.
And somehow, Joel is her family.Â
Her father.
Your stomach twisted so violently you thought you might actually be sick.
On the other side of this impossible equation was Abby. Up until a few months ago, she was your best friend, and despite the complicated mess of feelings you had buried deep inside your chest, she was still a very important person in your life. She had taken you in when you had nowhere else to go. She had fought beside you. She put her trust in you to complete this mission.Â
This morning, everything was simple. Simple enough that you still knew how to breathe. Joel had just been a name. Just another man. Joel was the name of the man who murdered Abbyâs dad. In your mind, Joel was just another target that you could kill at any given moment. But now, everything has changed. He wasnât just another target; he was Ellieâs father.
Your pulse pounded louder and louder in your ears until it drowned out the rest of the room. Each heartbeat thudded painfully against your ribs, sending waves of heat and dizziness through your body.
You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, trying to steady the storm building inside your chest. Your fingers curled tightly into your palms, nails biting into your skin as you forced yourself to take another breath.
In.
Out.
In.Â
Out.
Your lungs still refused to cooperate.
When you opened your eyes again, both of them were looking at you.
You forced your lips into something that resembled a smile, though it felt stiff and unnatural on your face.
âWe actually met this morning,â you said, your voice sounding distant even to your own ears. âWe shared a cup of coffee, actually. Can I actually ask you a question?â
He nods.Â
âWhat happened to the cure?â
Joelâs posture stiffened instantly.
You saw the flash of panic cross his face.
âShe knows, Joel,â Ellie said quickly, glancing between the two of you. âI told her before I left the QZ.â
âThere was no cure,â he said calmly. âThey were gonna kill Ellie with no certainty itâd work.â
No cure.
He saved her.
He fucking saved her.
You forced out a small laugh before the silence could stretch too long.
âIâm glad youâre not dead, Ellie.â
Both of them laughed softly. The sound felt surreal, like it was happening far away instead of right in front of you.
âI hate to leave,â you added quickly, already stepping backward toward the door. âBut Iâm really tired. Didnât catch much sleep last night. Iâll see you tomorrow.â
You didnât give either of them the chance to respond.
The second you stepped outside, your legs carried you across town almost without your permission. Your movements were fast, frantic, like your body had finally caught up with the panic your mind had been screaming about for the last several minutes.
You shoved your way into the empty house and slammed the door shut behind you, twisting the lock with shaking hands.
Silence filled the room.
And then in a matter of seconds everything collapsed.Â
He saved Ellie.Â
He fucking saved her.
Your hands dragged down your face as you paced the small living room, breath coming too fast. Abbyâs dad had been a doctor. He was the doctor who had been ready to cut Ellie open to make a cure.
And Joel killed him.
Abby never told you about the cure.Â
She had mentioned her dad was a doctor, but never mentioned he was the doctor who was supposed to make the cure. Maybe she didnât know. She wouldnât hold something so important from you.Â
Your mind felt like it was splitting apart, trying to hold the pieces together. How were you expected to finish this mission considering these new facts? He saved her, but he also destroyed Abbyâs whole world.Â
You stopped pacing, staring blankly at the opposite wall.
Joel is no one to you.
The thought came out cold, sharp, like the voice of a commanding officer barking an order.
Just a target.
Just a man.
Your jaw tightened.
Ellie⊠Ellie was different. She had been an old friend once. Someone from another lifetime. You barely even knew her now. Years had passed. People changed. You told yourself that had to mean something.
But AbbyâŠ
Your chest tightened.
Abby was the one who mattered now.
She had taken you in when you had nothing. Give you a place to sleep, a place to fight, a place to belong. She had cared for you even when she didnât realize how deeply you cared for her in return, even when she crushed your heart without meaning to.
For years, she had been your family.
But EllieâŠ
Ellie felt like coming home after a long day. Like quiet after chaos. Like the world finally exhaling.
Ellie was peace.
Ellie was the person you had spent years searching for without even realizing it.
Your breathing grew uneven again.
âNo,â you muttered under your breath, pressing your palms against your temples. âStop. Stop it.â
Think like a soldier.
You forced your shoulders back, trying to summon the discipline that had been drilled into you for years.
Assess the mission.
Identify the objective.
Complete the task.
Simple.
Except it wasnât.
You canât leave Abby. You canât betray her.
But the next thought followed right behind it like a knife sliding between your ribs.
You canât hurt Ellie either.
You knew exactly what that kind of pain looked like.
You had seen it in Abbyâs eyes for years. The hollow rage that never fully left. The grief that had rotted into obsession.
Ellie would break the same way.
Your mind started looping again.
Abby or Ellie.
Ellie or Abby.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
The room suddenly felt smaller. The walls crept inward inch by inch, like the house itself was trying to swallow you whole. Your chest tightened until it hurt to breathe. You dragged a hand through your hair, pacing again before the energy inside you exploded.
âGet a grip,â you snapped at yourself. Your voice sounded harsh in the empty room.
Pathetic.
You were trained for worse than this. You had survived fights, infected hordes, patrols that lasted days in freezing weather. You had watched people die without flinching. And now you were unraveling over a decision.
âThink,â you whispered, voice trembling despite the command.
Running away crept into your mind like a dangerous little whisper.
You could leave. Just disappear. Walk away from Seattle. Walk away from Abby. Walk away from Ellie. Leave the whole nightmare behind and never look back.
No mission.
No choices.
No blood.
Your stomach twisted.Â
Youâd be a coward.
The word settled heavily in your chest. Every option was awful. Every path ended with someone getting hurt. You wanted to scream. Wanted to flip the table, smash something against the wall, tear the frustration out of your body before it suffocated you. Instead, you collapsed onto the couch. The cushions swallowed you as if they were determined to keep you there. Your hands clenched in the fabric as your breathing stuttered again.
Move.
Your body didnât listen. You were frozen. Trapped inside your own head while the same two names circled endlessly.
Abby.
Ellie.
Abby.
Ellie.
And no matter how many times you forced yourself to think like a soldier, your heart kept getting in the way.
You sat on the couch for nearly an hour, swallowed by the chaos in your mind. Thoughts tangled over one another until they were impossible to separate. Abby. Ellie. Joel. The mission. Every path twisted into another impossible decision.
A loud knock at the door finally yanked you back to reality.
You blinked, disoriented, before pushing yourself off the couch and walking to the door. When you opened it, Ellie stood there with a familiar, playful look in her eyes. The kind that usually meant trouble.
âWhatâs up?â you asked.
âYouâre coming over to my place, and weâre having a sleepover,â she said matter-of-factly. âYou practically ran out earlier, and I have so much to catch up on. Itâll be fun. Like old times.â
A laugh escaped you before you could stop it.
Growing up, Ellie had always insisted on sleepovers even when the two of you shared the same room. She claimed it made the night âofficial.â Those nights usually meant blasting music, dancing until your legs gave out, and eventually collapsing into the same bed where youâd talk for hours until one of you drifted off mid-sentence.
âLetâs do it,â you said. You hurried inside to grab something to sleep in. More than anything, you just needed to get out of the house. Needed your mind to stop spinning long enough to breathe.
The two of you walked to Ellieâs place together, both of you strangely excited, like kids sneaking out past curfew.
The second you stepped through her door, Ellie rushed toward the small record player in the corner. Music crackled to life through the speakers.
âCome on,â she said, grabbing your hand. âLetâs dance!â
You barely had time to protest before she pulled you into the middle of the room. Soon enough, you were both moving like maniacs, spinning and stumbling through the space, laughing as the music filled every corner of the house.
Ellie watched you as you danced, carefree and wild like you used to be.
Since arriving in Jackson, something inside her had always felt incomplete. Like a missing puzzle piece, she couldnât quite name.
Watching you now, hair flying, laughing without restraint, she finally understood what it was.
It was you.
All those years apart had left a space in her life that nothing else had filled. And now you were here again, dancing in her living room like the past had somehow found its way back.
It was you and Ellie against the world again.
You were completely lost in the music. Your feet moved on instinct, like they remembered the rhythm before your brain did. Growing up, dancing had always been your escape. Whenever life felt too heavy, you let the music carry the weight for you.
Eventually, the song ended, and you collapsed onto the couch with a dramatic groan.
âGeez, Iâm exhausted.â
Ellie flopped down beside you, breathing just as hard.
âCome on,â she said after a moment. âLetâs end the night like old times.â
You raised an eyebrow. âEllie⊠weâre a little too old to be sharing a bed.â
âI donât care,â she said immediately, already grabbing your wrist and pulling you upright. âCome on.â
You laughed as she dragged you toward her bed.
Despite yourself, your stomach fluttered nervously. Like you were fourteen again and suddenly hyperaware of everything Ellie did.
Ellie jumped into bed first, immediately patting the space beside her.
âGet in here.â
You let out a quiet laugh before sliding under the covers next to her.
âI missed you so much,â Ellie said softly, reaching for your hand.
âI missed you, too, El.â
Your thumb traced along the tattoo on her forearm. Beneath the ink, you could feel the raised scar hidden underneath.
The two of you shifted onto your sides so you were facing each other.
âIâm really sorry for not recognizing you earlier,â Ellie said quietly. âYou just⊠youâve changed. Your face shows everything youâve been through.â
She hesitated, fumbling over her words.
âIâm not saying youâre not beautiful or anything. You just⊠you know.â
You huffed a small laugh.
âI was so angry, El,â you admitted. âI recognized you right away, and you didnât recognize me. It hurt. I spent years thinking about you, and it felt like you forgot about me the second you got here.â
Ellieâs eyes dropped to your arms as she traced her fingers slowly up and down your skin.
âI didnât forget about you,â she murmured. âBut what matters is youâre here now. Weâre together again.â
Her voice wavered slightly, and she blinked quickly as tears gathered in her eyes. The moment felt almost unreal. You were lying in her bed like you used to, close enough to hear each other breathe.
You were actually here.
âIâm glad weâre together again, El,â you said quietly.
She hummed softly and scooted a little closer, closing the gap between you. Now she was only inches away. It felt surreal to be lying in bed with Ellie Williams again. For years, you had convinced yourself she would become nothing more than a distant memory.
But she was real.
Alive.
Healthy.
Happy.
That was all you had ever wanted for her growing up.
You tried to hold onto the moment, to stay present in it. But your thoughts kept drifting back to Abby. To the mission. To the impossible choice waiting for you.
The walls in your chest started tightening again. Before the silence could swallow you, Ellie spoke.
âYou wanna hear a joke?â
âNo,â you replied immediately.
She narrowed her eyes at you. âToo bad.â
You sighed.
âDiarrhea is hereditaryâŠâ
You frowned. âWhat?â
âBecause it runs in your genes.â
You clamped your hands over your mouth, trying to contain the laugh that burst out anyway.
âThat was awful, El.â
âNot as awful as you,â she whispered.
Her face moved closer to yours.
Your noses brushed.
For a moment, you could almost feel her lips against yours.
Electric nerves shot through your body. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest. You felt like a giddy kid all over again.
You couldnât let yourself fall back into that old crush. Not when everything between you was so temporary.
âUm⊠we should go to sleep,â you muttered quickly, pulling back. âItâs getting pretty late, El.â
You turned onto your other side before you could see her reaction.
For a brief moment, disappointment flickered across Ellieâs face. She swallowed it down quickly.
âYeah,â she said quietly. âOf course. Goodnight, Peach.â
Your heart fluttered at the nickname she had insisted on calling you when you were kids.
âGoodnight, El,â you whispered.
Not long after, sleep finally pulled you under.
----
taglist:
@gglittergoddess
@happysparklingshadows
that being said, i would never explicitly exclude ANYONE from reading my fics, but its very very annoying to get bashed for not writing stuff that you guys wanna read. theres a reason a lot of writers will write black!reader or butch!reader because thats what they want to see. i cannot satisfy eveeryone and im also not gonna write shit i have no interest in writing for you!! im open to respectful suggestions and things, but im here to write what i wanna write!!
also, be the change you want to see!!! its so amazing to see new writers writing different things with a plethora of themes, or things THEY WANT to see! but its not necessarily my job to cater to you.
yall are so weird. If y'all wanna read it, then read it, and if you don't, THEN MOVE ALONG. Quit harassing people over nonsense.
What version of Pressed Between Pages do y'all enjoy most?
Original Version
Actual Journal Version
Both
These are the versions:
Orginal Version
Journal Version
I just need to get an idea of how to move forward with this series.
Pressed Between Pages - Journal Entries - 01.
Ellie Williams x Reader.
What do y'all think about this format for pressed between pages?
2036
Chapter 02.
<- last chapter
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader AND Abby Anderson x Reader (separately)
Word Count: 4.8k+
Summary: You finally make it to Jackson, but this was never a simply mission.
A/N: Hello! Sorry this took longer than expected to be posted! I'm trying to get better at having a posting schedule. If you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!
Ao3 Link
--
The world had been reduced to three things.Â
White snow. Grey sky. The golden glow of Jackson.
You had been walking for three hours, maybe longer. Time got strange in the freezing cold. Stretched and unreliable. Every step felt like walking through wet cement; your boots sank deeper and deeper. Your legs trembled from exhaustion. You had walked thousands of miles at this point on your journey, but the last few hours walking through the snow were killing your spirit a little more with every step. But you couldnât and wouldnât allow yourself to slow down.Â
Joel was somewhere inside those walls. The sole reason for your existence in this frozen hell was that man.Â
You couldn't just turn back because you were cold and exhausted. What would Abby say to you if you showed back up at the lodge empty-handed?
Jackson wasnât like Seattle. It wasnât a military settlement. It looked different, calm, peaceful, but alert and disciplined.
Your hands tightened around the straps of your pack. You rehearsed your lie in your head over and over again. You lost your group to raiders a couple of towns back, and you were seeking shelter. You needed to look like a fragile, scared girl. You couldnât look like the soldier Isaac had made out of you. You needed them to believe your story. You needed to be inside the four walls of Jackson sooner rather than later.
You were now close enough to hear the faint sounds of Jackson. Metal clanking, a distant shout, and the muffled bark of dogs.Â
Your pulse quickened, and you slowed near the treeline. The hair on the back of your neck perked up.Â
You weren't alone anymore.Â
You slowed your breath and took another step forward, then another. Then you heard the snow crunch behind you.Â
You drew your weapon slowly and steadily, then immediately put it back in its holster, drawing your knife instead. You needed them to believe your story. You needed to look harmless enough.Â
You kept moving quickly. Quicker than you had been for the last 5 miles. Your lungs burned as the cold air entered. You moved maybe 50 feet before a whistle cut clean through the howling of the wind.Â
Multiple riders emerged from the treeline. Snow kicked up from under the hooves as they closed in from every direction, circling you before you could form a plan in your mind.Â
The dogs burst ahead of them, barking sharp and aggressive.
You froze. There were too many of them. Multiple guns aimed at your head, ready to blow it off at a single twitch of your body.Â
âHands where I can see âem!â
Your fingers trembled as you slowly lifted your hands.Â
One of the dogs lunged forward, barking wildly. They almost reminded you of Bear and Alice.Â
God, I miss Seattle.Â
âDrop your weapons.â
You reached slowly for your gun and your knife and threw them in front of your feet.Â
The riders, one by one, began to dismount. There were about 8 of them surrounding you. 3 women and 5 men. All healthy and strong.
A man grabs you by your shoulder and roughly spins you slightly, while another begins to pat you down hard, searching every seam, every strap, every hidden pocket. A third man searched your pack.Â
âLet âem check,â a woman says.Â
Two dogs stepped forward, noses working fast. Sniffing all around you and your pack. Your heart nearly pounded out of your chest. You knew they were checking to see if you were infected, but if these dogs were anything like the dogs back home, then you were afraid. Youâve seen those dogs rip Scars apart with a single command from you.
Finally, the dogs eased back. You were clean. You let out a sigh of relief and let your face drop.
The cold metal of a rifle barrel lifted your chin, forcing you to meet the eyes of the man holding it. Blue eyes, assessing you. Suspicious of the girl running through the snow.Â
âYou alone?â He asks.
âY-Yesâ you stutter, your mouth feels dry. You had not realized that you were actually really thirsty. You would do anything for a sip of water just about now. Â
âWhere are you cominâ from?â
âThe lodge, up the mountain, and before then a trading post,â you says, forcing your words to be steady. You knew the routine of these questions. Youâve would conduct them back home all too often.
The barrel of the rifle inched closer to your neck.Â
âGroup?â
âNo. Not anymore. Raiders hit us a week ago. I ran.â
The blue-eyed man exchanged glances with another man. He looked younger than him. Maybe around your age or a bit older. He looked strong, smart, and⊠kind.Â
 That man stretched forward. His voice quieter, more gentle, âYouâre pretty well armed for someone who was hit by raiders.â
The wind picked up, forcing you to inch closer to the barrel of the gun.Â
âI was able to leave with my pack, and I traded for some stuff.â
Another pause.Â
âWhat do you want in Jackson?â The kind man asks.
Your answer slipped from your lips too quickly, âShelter.â
His eyes softened with your response.Â
âLetâs go, a storm is coming soon.â The woman says.
The man finally removed the rifle from your throat. You take in a deep breath and touch your neck.Â
The man with the kind eyes reached his hand out for you to get on the horse. You hesitate for half a second before taking his hand and pulling yourself onto his horse.Â
You sat rigid behind the man, your hands gripping the back of his coat just enough to stay balanced, just loosely enough not to seem desperate. His body radiated heat through layers of wool and leather. All you wanted was to press your face up against his back and warm yourself up, but it all felt wrong. It felt wrong to want warmth from this stranger.Â
No one spoke. Maybe it was routine for them to be silent. The only noise around you was the steady sound of the hooves beneath you and the soft jingle of the metal from the saddle.Â
The riders did not need to stare at you directly for you to feel their awareness. Had they sniffed you out already? Are they suspicious of you, or are they simply kind enough to offer a girl shelter?Â
You would have never been this trusting back at home. You always shoot on command. You shoot to kill unless instructed otherwise. You are one of Isaac's best soldiers, which you think is bullshit. Abby was far better than you were. But he swore that you and Abby were the best heâs ever seen.
A faint whisper broke you out of your thoughts. It was too quiet for you to make out words.
Were they discussing you?
Why wouldn't they be discussing you? A girl appears alone, heavily armed with a story that sounds too rehearsed to be true.
You imagined their voices.Â
Sheâs lying.Â
Keep an eye on her hands.Â
Shoot to kill.Â
The outer gates of Jackson suddenly appeared as they rose from the snow. The gates were massive. The gates groaned as they opened. The guards greeted the riders. You felt a sense of relief knowing you had made it inside; you were officially one step closer.Â
This place was an actual town, like in the old days before the outbreak. This was nothing like what you imagined. You imagined Jackson to be a variation of Seattle or the QZ. You imagined that a man like Joel would have some sort of military training and maybe live the way you did back home. But no, it was the complete opposite. This town felt different; it felt like a warm hug.
Joel, you luck bastard.
People looked at you as you rode through the town and towards the stables. You felt as if every eye was on you. You stood out like a sore thumb; their curiosity pressed against your skin.
âStay on the horse. Intake first.â
You nod and watch carefully as the man guides the horse away from the group and towards another long wooden building. You enter the building with the man, and warm air rushes in as she opens the door. It smelled clean.
A woman with a clipboard approached you immediately, âThis way, we need to inspect you.â
You entered what looked like a medical facility. Everything looked sterile and clean, but also peaceful.Â
The woman with the clipboard gives the man a look, like kicking him out of the room. Then he breaks the silence, âIâll be just outside. Iâll come find you when youâre done. Iâm Jesse, by the way. â
You nod slowly.
 Jesse.
âYou need to take your clothes off. Pack off. We will be inspecting you, checking for bites. Anything out of the ordinary. It is standard procedure. Anything the team outside of the walls might have missed. Then Maria will come in to ask you a few questions.â
Your jaw tightened, and you blew air out of your nose, but you did not argue.Â
You began to strip slowly, suddenly becoming aware of every bruise and scar on your body. She checked every crevice of your body. Checking for bites, wounds, and infection. She wrote it all down on her clipboard. She took your hands in hers and inspected your palms.Â
âHmm, callused. Youâre certainly not helpless,â she murmurs.Â
It was like a routine; she would look at something on your body, then she would write it down.Â
âOkay, now youâre going to shower. There will be clothes ready for you when you're out. This way.â
The steam curled from the shower stalls. Soap, shampoo, and conditioner were left for you. You walked in, letting the hot water hit your body. It had been months since youâve had a warm shower. It felt so nice to finally be warm after being out in the snow. Your body relaxed under the water. The water at your feet was brown and red, from dirt, grime, and blood.Â
After the shower, you dressed yourself almost too quickly. The clothes left behind smelled of wood smoke and some detergent. The clothes were a bit big, but fine. You slipped on your boots before being led to a smaller room.Â
âThey will be in shortly. Go ahead and take a seat.â
This room wasnât warm like the others; there was a cool breeze. You sat in front of two empty seats. Your nerves were starting up; you could feel the panic rise through your body. What if they had found Abby and the rest of them, and now they have you here, ready to interrogate you about them? What if you had walked right into their trap?
The door creaked open, and your eyes met the eyes of a blonde woman, whom you assumed was Maria, and the man who held a rifle to your throat.Â
âPlease start from the beginning, MissâŠâ The woman begins as she makes her way to the chairs in front of you.Â
âY/N,â you begin calmly, âMy group and I were at a trading post, maybe a three-day ride northwest from here. It was an old mill building. We needed information and food.â
âYou mentioned raiders when we picked you up outside the walls. What happened?â
âAs I says, we were trading for supplies. They hit the post at night; there were maybe 8 or 9 of them. Iâm not sure, I didnât stick around long enough to find out. I was a coward, and I ran and⊠and left them behind.â You say.Â
âSo, how did you hear about Jackson?â
âFirst, at the trading post, we traded information about a settlement south of there. Well organized, stable, and room to take us in. Then I saw the lights from the lodge up the mountain. â
âWhat did you trade for that information?â
âA rifle, a handgun, and spare ammunition. â
âThatâs a steep price, especially around these parts.â
âYeah, thereâs nothing I wouldn't pay to be out of the snow and cold,â you say, too real, too fast.Â
âAnything else the trader gave you?â
You chuckle, âCoffee and that was more expensive than the directions here.â
The pair exchange a look. A look you couldnât quite decipher.
âIâm Maria, and thatâs Tommy. We will allow you to stay, however long it is that you need to stay to get yourself together, and if you would like to stay here long term, then we can discuss that. I want you to know that everyone in Jackson has responsibilities and duties that they must attend to. You will too, regardless of the length of your stay,â Maria begins.
She was so serious and almost as intimidating as Isaac. She had the qualities of a leader.Â
âJesse is outside with your pack. He will take you to have dinner. Then he will take you to the home you have been assigned. Your weapons will be held in a safe house and will only be given to you when or if you leave.â
âYes, maâam. Thank you.â You say.Â
You walk outside, and the cold air immediately hits your face. Your body missed the warmth of the building. You look around and spot Jesse standing against the wall.
âAh, the woman of the hour. Iâm glad Maria and Tommy let you out alive. I know I told you already, but Iâm Jesse. I didn't catch your name,â Jesse says.Â
âIâm Y/N. Maria mentioned youâd be taking me to dinner?â You say as you sling your pack over your shoulders.Â
âYeah! Weâre going to the Tipsy Bison; we have killer burritos there. Iâm sure youâre starving.â
You and Jesse walk side by side in silence. You take in every bit of Jackson. You needed to memorize it all and start creating a plan. You certainly were not expecting it to be this size and with this many people.
Jackson was louder than you imagined. It wasnât loud, the way home was. Home was loud in the way of machinery being cleaned and trucks driving in and out all day. Explosions are going off in the distance, and training is going on constantly. Here in Jackson, it was loud in the way people laughed and had conversations. The way children ran around the streets. It was peaceful here.Â
âSome of my friends are actually here. I told them I would meet them here for dinner. They are nice, I promise.â Jesse finally interrupts the silence.Â
You just nod and trail behind him inside the building. I was packed with people. Many people greeted Jesse. The two of you make your way to a table with two girls.Â
âSorry, I was running late. I was waiting on Y/N, and we found her on patrol. Please be nice to her while I grab our food.â Jesse begins. âY/N, this is Dina, and that broody and gloomy girl is Ellie.â
Your chest tightened at the name. It was a name you had not heard in years. Not out loud, anyway.
 It couldn't possibly be her.
âHi, it is so nice to meet you! Iâm Dina, please sit.â Dina says, scooting over in the booth.
You take in a deep breath before taking a seat next to her. âItâs nice to meet you,â you say, not being able to take your eyes off Ellie.Â
âYou have a problem or something,â Ellie says.
There was no way in hell that this woman sitting before you wasnât your Ellie. You could recognize those eyes and those freckles anywhere in the world.Â
âSorry, you just look a lot like someone I knew.â
The warmth of the restaurant wrapped around you slowly. This time, the warmth didnât provide you with comfort. All you felt was the tightening of your chest. You truly couldn't believe your eyes. She was real.
Ellie was real.Â
She was alive, breathing, real. She was not a distant memory you kept reliving. She wasnât a dream; she was real. You could reach across this table and touch her sleeve. You could see the faint scar on her eyebrow and count the freckles dusted across her face.Â
Your awareness tilts towards her completely, like gravity has shifted and she's suddenly the center of it. You could feel her presence like heat against your skin. You couldnât stop looking at her.
She couldnât either. It wasnât directly or as constant as you, but every few seconds her eyes would return to your face.Â
Ellie always had a tendency to look at people as if she were taking them apart piece by piece.Â
God, she doesn't recognize me.Â
The realization slammed into your ribs with blunt force.Â
Ellie has no idea who I am.Â
Jesse slid into the booth across from you with four plates balanced in his hands as if heâd done this a million times.Â
âAlright,â he says, setting food down in front of everyone. âSo, are you gonna tell us about yourself, or do we gotta interrogate you again? Because Maria already had her turn. It really only seems fair we get ours.â
Dina immediately glares at him, âIgnore our friends. He thinks heâs funny.â
âI am funny.â
You chuckle at them. If your time wasn't limited here, you could grow to like them.
The burrito he had set in front of you was huge. You had not had real food in weeks. Other than dried jerky, you mostly shared with Abby.
âWhen you're ready, tell us everything,â Dina says, smiling widely at you.Â
âUm, like what?â you asks as you took the burrito in your hands and took a big bite.Â
âLike where you grew up. What life was like before this moron found you wandering alone in the snow.â Dina asks, pointing at Jesse. Jesse gave her a dirty look, but remained silent for your response.
Your gaze flicked up to Ellie. She was still watching you. You felt your chest tighten. Like, there was not enough air in the room.Â
You didnât want to lie, so you stuck to the only truth you could share without compromising the mission.Â
âI grew up in the Boston QZ,â you say.
Ellieâs posture changed ever so subtly that most people wouldn't bat an eye, but you did. You always noticed her smallest movement.Â
âI lived there for most of my life. I was um an orphan. My parents died when I was a young child.â
Jesse spoke first, âIâve heard stories about how rough it was out east.â
You shrug, âI guess it depends on who you ask. If you stayed in line and followed their rules, then it was predictable.â
âHow long were you there for?â Ellie asks quietly.
You felt your heart beat fast, âUntil I was sixteen.â
Her eyebrows furrow slightly.Â
âWait, hold up,â Dina began, âDidnât you say you were from Boston too, Els?â
âYeah,â she says slowly. âLeft when I was fourteen.â
That was it.
That was the confirmation you needed to be sure that this Ellie was your Ellie. You looked at Ellie, hoping she would realize it too, but she was still looking at you like a stranger she had not been able to figure out just yet.
You wanted to reach across the table and tell her that it was you, that after all these years, the universe brought the two of you together again. How was it possible that she couldn't piece it together? Yes, of course, you were no longer the fifteen-year-old girl, and she had not seen you in five years, but you had not changed that much to be unrecognizable.Â
Dina looked between you both, âThatâs crazy! Did you two ever cross paths?â
Your fingers tighten into a fist under the table.Â
Just tell her. Just tell her who you are.Â
 You wanted to so badly, but you couldn't, not yet anyway. Ellie needed to figure it out for herself.Â
âBostonâs big,â you begin. âThere were lots of kids training for different divisions. Itâs hard to keep track of everyone youâve crossed paths with.â
Ellie leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest, studying you a little harder now.
âFEDRA track?â Ellie asks.Â
You give her a nod, offering a tight smile.Â
The memories flashed in your mind. The concrete walls. The early morning drills. Dragging Ellie out of bed every morning. The sound of boots marching in rhythm. Her voice whispered beside you during bunk inspections, so you wouldnât spiral. You kept Ellie in line to keep her out of punishment, even though she found herself in trouble regardless.Â
âI was on track to become an officer.â
âWhat made you leave?â Jesse asks.
âUm.. it was all becoming a blur. It was the same routine every day. Woke up, went to school, trained, and did inspections. Hoping and praying that I would make it to Thursday because that's when the shitty rations would arrive. It was an endless loop. I just couldnât be there alone anymore.â You say, looking down at your food. Suddenly, all hunger had left your body.Â
âDonât get me wrong, that place was awful,â you add softly, âbut I do have some memories that I deeply cherish.â
Ellie inspects you deeply.Â
There was this girl,â you continue, eyes fixed on the food. âShe would always steal extra bread and rations for me, because I would give my rations away to the kids younger than me. And she would pretend it was gifted to her, so I wouldn't scold her.â
A small smile pulls at your mouth. âI was always terrified that she would get punished for it, but she didnât care that it would cost her a week in the hole.âÂ
Ellie felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room. That story was about her. She would steal bread and rations for her best friend.Â
You finally look up at Ellie. She wasnât blinking or breathing. But it was as if you could physically see the pieces being put together for her. She finally recognized you. You held her gaze. You let every ounce of your history sit between you.Â
âI feel like we're missing something hereâŠâ Jesse mutters.
It was too loud. The warmth that once provided you with comfort made you feel as if you were suffocating.Â
âExcuse me, I just need some fresh air,â You mutter, sliding out of the booth.Â
You didnât wait for permission or for questions. You simply could not bring yourself to look back at the table.Â
To look back at her.
You shoved through the crowded restaurant, the sudden wall of heat and noise becoming unbearable. The door slammed open under your palm, and the cold air didnât just hit your lungs; it bit. Each breath felt like swallowing glass.
You barely made it around the corner before your stomach began to convulse violently. You bend forward, bracing yourself against your knees when the three bits of your burrito come up harshly.
You could feel your insides burn. Your body shook violently as you hurled out your insides.Â
You wipe your mouth with the back of your sleeve.Â
Youâve survived worse than this. Youâve traveled thousands of miles. Across so many states. Youâve left your home. Youâre actively risking your life, and this is what does you in? Youâre falling apart because of a girl who didnât recognize you fast enough? A girl who you haven't seen since you were a teenager.Â
Your vision blurred. Hot tears streamed down your face, and you angrily swiped them away, disgusted by your own weakness.Â
Five years.Â
Five long, long years of carrying her memory in your head. Her voice. Her laugh. The exact rhythm of her footsteps. The way she looked at you like you mattered.
She was always with you, and she couldnât remember you.Â
The sound of shoes crunched in the snow behind you. You didnât need to look to know exactly who was behind you. You knew that walk despite it being years since you heard that cadence. Slightly uneven, careless, but controlled.Â
Her voice came slowly, tentative, â...you okay?â
You turned sharply. So fast she flinched and took a step back.
The anger in your chest boiled over.Â
âAm I okay?â Your voice came out harsher than you intended. âAre you fuckinâ serious?â
Ellie looks like she doesnât know where to put her hands. They hover uselessly at her sides.
âI just⊠you ran out and..-â
âI threw up,â you snap. âThatâs what I did. Because apparently seeing you is enough to make my body reject everything in it.â
The words land. You see it. Like sheâs been punched.Â
âY/N,â Ellie begins.
Your name. She says it softly, in the same tone she used when you were kids. This time, it didnât soothe you; it broke your heart all over again.Â
âDonât,â you say, pointing at her, finger shaking.Â
âDonât what?â Ellie asks.Â
âDonât say my name like that. Donât say it like years havenât passed. Like you didnât sit in there and didn't recognize me.â
âI didnât recognize you at first-â
âAt first?â you explode, âAt first!?â
Your hands fly up in disbelief.Â
âI knew the second I saw you, Ellie. The moment I laid my eyes on you, I felt like the air was sucked out of my lungs. And you just sat there clueless, looking at me like some stranger.â
âThatâs not fair,â she shoots back.
âFair? You wanna talk about fair, Ellie?â
You take a step closer to her. Close enough that she canât avoid your eyes.Â
âYou left me, Ellie.â
Her jaw tightens. âCâmon. I was fourteen.â
âYou promised me,â you cut in, voice cracking, but louder now. âYou promised me youâd come back after you cured the world. Looks like you lied about two things. You never came back, and you didnât cure the world.â
âI thought about you every day. I wanted to go back for you, but I wasnât allowed to leave. I tried.â
âYou tried?â you scoff. âFor how long? A day? A week?â
âItâs more complicated than that,â Ellie replies.Â
âComplicated, how Ellie? Please do me the favor and enlighten me,â You demand.Â
Ellie stands there dumbfounded, trying to find the words to explain things to you.Â
âI waited for you,â You begin. âI stayed in that place longer than I should have because you were always good on your promises. Every night that there was a tap on my window, I would wake up in a frenzy, thinking it was finally you. To my surprise, every time, it was just rain tapping my window.â
Tears form in Ellie's eyes. Sheâs breathing heavier than she was before.
âI carried you with me,â you say, placing your hand over your heart. âEvery day. Through every stage of my life. You were there. And youâre telling me you looked at me and didnât know?â
âYouâve changed.â
âSo did you!â you shout. âBut I still fuckinâ knew.â
Silence stretched between. Snow crunches under your boots as you begin to pace, dragging a hand through your hair.Â
âAnd the worst part?â you say, finally looking at her again, âYouâve been here this whole time. In Jackson. Safe and settled. Living this beautiful, normal life.â
The tears finally spill from your eyes.Â
âI tried really hard to convince myself that you were dead. That was the only logical reason I could come up with⊠I never imagined that you had justâŠmoved onâ
âI didnât move on,â she says immediately.
âYou sure?â you fire back, âBecause it sure does look like it.â
She takes a step toward you, âIâm sorry, okay. I'm really sorry for all of it.â
You stare at her. Unsure of what comes next.Â
She's sorry.
You couldnât wrap your head around any of it.Â
Five years of anger. Of rehearsed speeches. Of what you would say to her if you ever saw her again?Â
None of it actually prepared you for this.Â
Before you could walk away from her, she pulled you into her.
It was pure, genuine muscle memory. The way her arms wrapped around your waist, the way she fit against you.Â
For a moment, your body goes rigid, your mind screaming at you to push her away. But then, you were fourteen again. Hugging your best friend after a long day.Â
Your arms find their way around her neck. You could practically feel your heart folding in on itself. Tears spill from your eyes, hot against your cheeks, against the freezing air.Â
You press your face into her shoulder the way you used to, like you never stopped.Â
âI thought I would never see you again,â you choke out.Â
You could feel her arms tighten around you.
âI know, but we're together now,â Ellie whispers. She rubs slow circles against your back like she's trying to convince both of you, âIâm here. Iâm not going anywhere.â
You wanted so badly to stay angry and hold your ground, but your facade falls the second she holds you like this.Â
Ellie is real.Â
You could feel her heartbeat against your chest.Â
You could hear her breathing.
You could feel her warmth in your arms again.Â
Sheâs actually here.
--
taglist:
@gglittergoddess
@happysparklingshadows
Chapter 02.
<- last chapter
next chapter ->
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader AND Abby Anderson x Reader (separately)
Word Count: 4.8k+
Summary: You finally make it to Jackson, but this was never a simply mission.
A/N: Hello! Sorry this took longer than expected to be posted! I'm trying to get better at having a posting schedule. If you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!
Ao3 Link
--
The world had been reduced to three things.Â
White snow. Grey sky. The golden glow of Jackson.
You had been walking for three hours, maybe longer. Time got strange in the freezing cold. Stretched and unreliable. Every step felt like walking through wet cement; your boots sank deeper and deeper. Your legs trembled from exhaustion. You had walked thousands of miles at this point on your journey, but the last few hours walking through the snow were killing your spirit a little more with every step. But you couldnât and wouldnât allow yourself to slow down.Â
Joel was somewhere inside those walls. The sole reason for your existence in this frozen hell was that man.Â
You couldn't just turn back because you were cold and exhausted. What would Abby say to you if you showed back up at the lodge empty-handed?
Jackson wasnât like Seattle. It wasnât a military settlement. It looked different, calm, peaceful, but alert and disciplined.
Your hands tightened around the straps of your pack. You rehearsed your lie in your head over and over again. You lost your group to raiders a couple of towns back, and you were seeking shelter. You needed to look like a fragile, scared girl. You couldnât look like the soldier Isaac had made out of you. You needed them to believe your story. You needed to be inside the four walls of Jackson sooner rather than later.
You were now close enough to hear the faint sounds of Jackson. Metal clanking, a distant shout, and the muffled bark of dogs.Â
Your pulse quickened, and you slowed near the treeline. The hair on the back of your neck perked up.Â
You weren't alone anymore.Â
You slowed your breath and took another step forward, then another. Then you heard the snow crunch behind you.Â
You drew your weapon slowly and steadily, then immediately put it back in its holster, drawing your knife instead. You needed them to believe your story. You needed to look harmless enough.Â
You kept moving quickly. Quicker than you had been for the last 5 miles. Your lungs burned as the cold air entered. You moved maybe 50 feet before a whistle cut clean through the howling of the wind.Â
Multiple riders emerged from the treeline. Snow kicked up from under the hooves as they closed in from every direction, circling you before you could form a plan in your mind.Â
The dogs burst ahead of them, barking sharp and aggressive.
You froze. There were too many of them. Multiple guns aimed at your head, ready to blow it off at a single twitch of your body.Â
âHands where I can see âem!â
Your fingers trembled as you slowly lifted your hands.Â
One of the dogs lunged forward, barking wildly. They almost reminded you of Bear and Alice.Â
God, I miss Seattle.Â
âDrop your weapons.â
You reached slowly for your gun and your knife and threw them in front of your feet.Â
The riders, one by one, began to dismount. There were about 8 of them surrounding you. 3 women and 5 men. All healthy and strong.
A man grabs you by your shoulder and roughly spins you slightly, while another begins to pat you down hard, searching every seam, every strap, every hidden pocket. A third man searched your pack.Â
âLet âem check,â a woman says.Â
Two dogs stepped forward, noses working fast. Sniffing all around you and your pack. Your heart nearly pounded out of your chest. You knew they were checking to see if you were infected, but if these dogs were anything like the dogs back home, then you were afraid. Youâve seen those dogs rip Scars apart with a single command from you.
Finally, the dogs eased back. You were clean. You let out a sigh of relief and let your face drop.
The cold metal of a rifle barrel lifted your chin, forcing you to meet the eyes of the man holding it. Blue eyes, assessing you. Suspicious of the girl running through the snow.Â
âYou alone?â He asks.
âY-Yesâ you stutter, your mouth feels dry. You had not realized that you were actually really thirsty. You would do anything for a sip of water just about now. Â
âWhere are you cominâ from?â
âThe lodge, up the mountain, and before then a trading post,â you says, forcing your words to be steady. You knew the routine of these questions. Youâve would conduct them back home all too often.
The barrel of the rifle inched closer to your neck.Â
âGroup?â
âNo. Not anymore. Raiders hit us a week ago. I ran.â
The blue-eyed man exchanged glances with another man. He looked younger than him. Maybe around your age or a bit older. He looked strong, smart, and⊠kind.Â
 That man stretched forward. His voice quieter, more gentle, âYouâre pretty well armed for someone who was hit by raiders.â
The wind picked up, forcing you to inch closer to the barrel of the gun.Â
âI was able to leave with my pack, and I traded for some stuff.â
Another pause.Â
âWhat do you want in Jackson?â The kind man asks.
Your answer slipped from your lips too quickly, âShelter.â
His eyes softened with your response.Â
âLetâs go, a storm is coming soon.â The woman says.
The man finally removed the rifle from your throat. You take in a deep breath and touch your neck.Â
The man with the kind eyes reached his hand out for you to get on the horse. You hesitate for half a second before taking his hand and pulling yourself onto his horse.Â
You sat rigid behind the man, your hands gripping the back of his coat just enough to stay balanced, just loosely enough not to seem desperate. His body radiated heat through layers of wool and leather. All you wanted was to press your face up against his back and warm yourself up, but it all felt wrong. It felt wrong to want warmth from this stranger.Â
No one spoke. Maybe it was routine for them to be silent. The only noise around you was the steady sound of the hooves beneath you and the soft jingle of the metal from the saddle.Â
The riders did not need to stare at you directly for you to feel their awareness. Had they sniffed you out already? Are they suspicious of you, or are they simply kind enough to offer a girl shelter?Â
You would have never been this trusting back at home. You always shoot on command. You shoot to kill unless instructed otherwise. You are one of Isaac's best soldiers, which you think is bullshit. Abby was far better than you were. But he swore that you and Abby were the best heâs ever seen.
A faint whisper broke you out of your thoughts. It was too quiet for you to make out words.
Were they discussing you?
Why wouldn't they be discussing you? A girl appears alone, heavily armed with a story that sounds too rehearsed to be true.
You imagined their voices.Â
Sheâs lying.Â
Keep an eye on her hands.Â
Shoot to kill.Â
The outer gates of Jackson suddenly appeared as they rose from the snow. The gates were massive. The gates groaned as they opened. The guards greeted the riders. You felt a sense of relief knowing you had made it inside; you were officially one step closer.Â
This place was an actual town, like in the old days before the outbreak. This was nothing like what you imagined. You imagined Jackson to be a variation of Seattle or the QZ. You imagined that a man like Joel would have some sort of military training and maybe live the way you did back home. But no, it was the complete opposite. This town felt different; it felt like a warm hug.
Joel, you luck bastard.
People looked at you as you rode through the town and towards the stables. You felt as if every eye was on you. You stood out like a sore thumb; their curiosity pressed against your skin.
âStay on the horse. Intake first.â
You nod and watch carefully as the man guides the horse away from the group and towards another long wooden building. You enter the building with the man, and warm air rushes in as she opens the door. It smelled clean.
A woman with a clipboard approached you immediately, âThis way, we need to inspect you.â
You entered what looked like a medical facility. Everything looked sterile and clean, but also peaceful.Â
The woman with the clipboard gives the man a look, like kicking him out of the room. Then he breaks the silence, âIâll be just outside. Iâll come find you when youâre done. Iâm Jesse, by the way. â
You nod slowly.
 Jesse.
âYou need to take your clothes off. Pack off. We will be inspecting you, checking for bites. Anything out of the ordinary. It is standard procedure. Anything the team outside of the walls might have missed. Then Maria will come in to ask you a few questions.â
Your jaw tightened, and you blew air out of your nose, but you did not argue.Â
You began to strip slowly, suddenly becoming aware of every bruise and scar on your body. She checked every crevice of your body. Checking for bites, wounds, and infection. She wrote it all down on her clipboard. She took your hands in hers and inspected your palms.Â
âHmm, callused. Youâre certainly not helpless,â she murmurs.Â
It was like a routine; she would look at something on your body, then she would write it down.Â
âOkay, now youâre going to shower. There will be clothes ready for you when you're out. This way.â
The steam curled from the shower stalls. Soap, shampoo, and conditioner were left for you. You walked in, letting the hot water hit your body. It had been months since youâve had a warm shower. It felt so nice to finally be warm after being out in the snow. Your body relaxed under the water. The water at your feet was brown and red, from dirt, grime, and blood.Â
After the shower, you dressed yourself almost too quickly. The clothes left behind smelled of wood smoke and some detergent. The clothes were a bit big, but fine. You slipped on your boots before being led to a smaller room.Â
âThey will be in shortly. Go ahead and take a seat.â
This room wasnât warm like the others; there was a cool breeze. You sat in front of two empty seats. Your nerves were starting up; you could feel the panic rise through your body. What if they had found Abby and the rest of them, and now they have you here, ready to interrogate you about them? What if you had walked right into their trap?
The door creaked open, and your eyes met the eyes of a blonde woman, whom you assumed was Maria, and the man who held a rifle to your throat.Â
âPlease start from the beginning, MissâŠâ The woman begins as she makes her way to the chairs in front of you.Â
âY/N,â you begin calmly, âMy group and I were at a trading post, maybe a three-day ride northwest from here. It was an old mill building. We needed information and food.â
âYou mentioned raiders when we picked you up outside the walls. What happened?â
âAs I says, we were trading for supplies. They hit the post at night; there were maybe 8 or 9 of them. Iâm not sure, I didnât stick around long enough to find out. I was a coward, and I ran and⊠and left them behind.â You say.Â
âSo, how did you hear about Jackson?â
âFirst, at the trading post, we traded information about a settlement south of there. Well organized, stable, and room to take us in. Then I saw the lights from the lodge up the mountain. â
âWhat did you trade for that information?â
âA rifle, a handgun, and spare ammunition. â
âThatâs a steep price, especially around these parts.â
âYeah, thereâs nothing I wouldn't pay to be out of the snow and cold,â you say, too real, too fast.Â
âAnything else the trader gave you?â
You chuckle, âCoffee and that was more expensive than the directions here.â
The pair exchange a look. A look you couldnât quite decipher.
âIâm Maria, and thatâs Tommy. We will allow you to stay, however long it is that you need to stay to get yourself together, and if you would like to stay here long term, then we can discuss that. I want you to know that everyone in Jackson has responsibilities and duties that they must attend to. You will too, regardless of the length of your stay,â Maria begins.
She was so serious and almost as intimidating as Isaac. She had the qualities of a leader.Â
âJesse is outside with your pack. He will take you to have dinner. Then he will take you to the home you have been assigned. Your weapons will be held in a safe house and will only be given to you when or if you leave.â
âYes, maâam. Thank you.â You say.Â
You walk outside, and the cold air immediately hits your face. Your body missed the warmth of the building. You look around and spot Jesse standing against the wall.
âAh, the woman of the hour. Iâm glad Maria and Tommy let you out alive. I know I told you already, but Iâm Jesse. I didn't catch your name,â Jesse says.Â
âIâm Y/N. Maria mentioned youâd be taking me to dinner?â You say as you sling your pack over your shoulders.Â
âYeah! Weâre going to the Tipsy Bison; we have killer burritos there. Iâm sure youâre starving.â
You and Jesse walk side by side in silence. You take in every bit of Jackson. You needed to memorize it all and start creating a plan. You certainly were not expecting it to be this size and with this many people.
Jackson was louder than you imagined. It wasnât loud, the way home was. Home was loud in the way of machinery being cleaned and trucks driving in and out all day. Explosions are going off in the distance, and training is going on constantly. Here in Jackson, it was loud in the way people laughed and had conversations. The way children ran around the streets. It was peaceful here.Â
âSome of my friends are actually here. I told them I would meet them here for dinner. They are nice, I promise.â Jesse finally interrupts the silence.Â
You just nod and trail behind him inside the building. I was packed with people. Many people greeted Jesse. The two of you make your way to a table with two girls.Â
âSorry, I was running late. I was waiting on Y/N, and we found her on patrol. Please be nice to her while I grab our food.â Jesse begins. âY/N, this is Dina, and that broody and gloomy girl is Ellie.â
Your chest tightened at the name. It was a name you had not heard in years. Not out loud, anyway.
 It couldn't possibly be her.
âHi, it is so nice to meet you! Iâm Dina, please sit.â Dina says, scooting over in the booth.
You take in a deep breath before taking a seat next to her. âItâs nice to meet you,â you say, not being able to take your eyes off Ellie.Â
âYou have a problem or something,â Ellie says.
There was no way in hell that this woman sitting before you wasnât your Ellie. You could recognize those eyes and those freckles anywhere in the world.Â
âSorry, you just look a lot like someone I knew.â
The warmth of the restaurant wrapped around you slowly. This time, the warmth didnât provide you with comfort. All you felt was the tightening of your chest. You truly couldn't believe your eyes. She was real.
Ellie was real.Â
She was alive, breathing, real. She was not a distant memory you kept reliving. She wasnât a dream; she was real. You could reach across this table and touch her sleeve. You could see the faint scar on her eyebrow and count the freckles dusted across her face.Â
Your awareness tilts towards her completely, like gravity has shifted and she's suddenly the center of it. You could feel her presence like heat against your skin. You couldnât stop looking at her.
She couldnât either. It wasnât directly or as constant as you, but every few seconds her eyes would return to your face.Â
Ellie always had a tendency to look at people as if she were taking them apart piece by piece.Â
God, she doesn't recognize me.Â
The realization slammed into your ribs with blunt force.Â
Ellie has no idea who I am.Â
Jesse slid into the booth across from you with four plates balanced in his hands as if heâd done this a million times.Â
âAlright,â he says, setting food down in front of everyone. âSo, are you gonna tell us about yourself, or do we gotta interrogate you again? Because Maria already had her turn. It really only seems fair we get ours.â
Dina immediately glares at him, âIgnore our friends. He thinks heâs funny.â
âI am funny.â
You chuckle at them. If your time wasn't limited here, you could grow to like them.
The burrito he had set in front of you was huge. You had not had real food in weeks. Other than dried jerky, you mostly shared with Abby.
âWhen you're ready, tell us everything,â Dina says, smiling widely at you.Â
âUm, like what?â you asks as you took the burrito in your hands and took a big bite.Â
âLike where you grew up. What life was like before this moron found you wandering alone in the snow.â Dina asks, pointing at Jesse. Jesse gave her a dirty look, but remained silent for your response.
Your gaze flicked up to Ellie. She was still watching you. You felt your chest tighten. Like, there was not enough air in the room.Â
You didnât want to lie, so you stuck to the only truth you could share without compromising the mission.Â
âI grew up in the Boston QZ,â you say.
Ellieâs posture changed ever so subtly that most people wouldn't bat an eye, but you did. You always noticed her smallest movement.Â
âI lived there for most of my life. I was um an orphan. My parents died when I was a young child.â
Jesse spoke first, âIâve heard stories about how rough it was out east.â
You shrug, âI guess it depends on who you ask. If you stayed in line and followed their rules, then it was predictable.â
âHow long were you there for?â Ellie asks quietly.
You felt your heart beat fast, âUntil I was sixteen.â
Her eyebrows furrow slightly.Â
âWait, hold up,â Dina began, âDidnât you say you were from Boston too, Els?â
âYeah,â she says slowly. âLeft when I was fourteen.â
That was it.
That was the confirmation you needed to be sure that this Ellie was your Ellie. You looked at Ellie, hoping she would realize it too, but she was still looking at you like a stranger she had not been able to figure out just yet.
You wanted to reach across the table and tell her that it was you, that after all these years, the universe brought the two of you together again. How was it possible that she couldn't piece it together? Yes, of course, you were no longer the fifteen-year-old girl, and she had not seen you in five years, but you had not changed that much to be unrecognizable.Â
Dina looked between you both, âThatâs crazy! Did you two ever cross paths?â
Your fingers tighten into a fist under the table.Â
Just tell her. Just tell her who you are.Â
 You wanted to so badly, but you couldn't, not yet anyway. Ellie needed to figure it out for herself.Â
âBostonâs big,â you begin. âThere were lots of kids training for different divisions. Itâs hard to keep track of everyone youâve crossed paths with.â
Ellie leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest, studying you a little harder now.
âFEDRA track?â Ellie asks.Â
You give her a nod, offering a tight smile.Â
The memories flashed in your mind. The concrete walls. The early morning drills. Dragging Ellie out of bed every morning. The sound of boots marching in rhythm. Her voice whispered beside you during bunk inspections, so you wouldnât spiral. You kept Ellie in line to keep her out of punishment, even though she found herself in trouble regardless.Â
âI was on track to become an officer.â
âWhat made you leave?â Jesse asks.
âUm.. it was all becoming a blur. It was the same routine every day. Woke up, went to school, trained, and did inspections. Hoping and praying that I would make it to Thursday because that's when the shitty rations would arrive. It was an endless loop. I just couldnât be there alone anymore.â You say, looking down at your food. Suddenly, all hunger had left your body.Â
âDonât get me wrong, that place was awful,â you add softly, âbut I do have some memories that I deeply cherish.â
Ellie inspects you deeply.Â
There was this girl,â you continue, eyes fixed on the food. âShe would always steal extra bread and rations for me, because I would give my rations away to the kids younger than me. And she would pretend it was gifted to her, so I wouldn't scold her.â
A small smile pulls at your mouth. âI was always terrified that she would get punished for it, but she didnât care that it would cost her a week in the hole.âÂ
Ellie felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room. That story was about her. She would steal bread and rations for her best friend.Â
You finally look up at Ellie. She wasnât blinking or breathing. But it was as if you could physically see the pieces being put together for her. She finally recognized you. You held her gaze. You let every ounce of your history sit between you.Â
âI feel like we're missing something hereâŠâ Jesse mutters.
It was too loud. The warmth that once provided you with comfort made you feel as if you were suffocating.Â
âExcuse me, I just need some fresh air,â You mutter, sliding out of the booth.Â
You didnât wait for permission or for questions. You simply could not bring yourself to look back at the table.Â
To look back at her.
You shoved through the crowded restaurant, the sudden wall of heat and noise becoming unbearable. The door slammed open under your palm, and the cold air didnât just hit your lungs; it bit. Each breath felt like swallowing glass.
You barely made it around the corner before your stomach began to convulse violently. You bend forward, bracing yourself against your knees when the three bits of your burrito come up harshly.
You could feel your insides burn. Your body shook violently as you hurled out your insides.Â
You wipe your mouth with the back of your sleeve.Â
Youâve survived worse than this. Youâve traveled thousands of miles. Across so many states. Youâve left your home. Youâre actively risking your life, and this is what does you in? Youâre falling apart because of a girl who didnât recognize you fast enough? A girl who you haven't seen since you were a teenager.Â
Your vision blurred. Hot tears streamed down your face, and you angrily swiped them away, disgusted by your own weakness.Â
Five years.Â
Five long, long years of carrying her memory in your head. Her voice. Her laugh. The exact rhythm of her footsteps. The way she looked at you like you mattered.
She was always with you, and she couldnât remember you.Â
The sound of shoes crunched in the snow behind you. You didnât need to look to know exactly who was behind you. You knew that walk despite it being years since you heard that cadence. Slightly uneven, careless, but controlled.Â
Her voice came slowly, tentative, â...you okay?â
You turned sharply. So fast she flinched and took a step back.
The anger in your chest boiled over.Â
âAm I okay?â Your voice came out harsher than you intended. âAre you fuckinâ serious?â
Ellie looks like she doesnât know where to put her hands. They hover uselessly at her sides.
âI just⊠you ran out and..-â
âI threw up,â you snap. âThatâs what I did. Because apparently seeing you is enough to make my body reject everything in it.â
The words land. You see it. Like sheâs been punched.Â
âY/N,â Ellie begins.
Your name. She says it softly, in the same tone she used when you were kids. This time, it didnât soothe you; it broke your heart all over again.Â
âDonât,â you say, pointing at her, finger shaking.Â
âDonât what?â Ellie asks.Â
âDonât say my name like that. Donât say it like years havenât passed. Like you didnât sit in there and didn't recognize me.â
âI didnât recognize you at first-â
âAt first?â you explode, âAt first!?â
Your hands fly up in disbelief.Â
âI knew the second I saw you, Ellie. The moment I laid my eyes on you, I felt like the air was sucked out of my lungs. And you just sat there clueless, looking at me like some stranger.â
âThatâs not fair,â she shoots back.
âFair? You wanna talk about fair, Ellie?â
You take a step closer to her. Close enough that she canât avoid your eyes.Â
âYou left me, Ellie.â
Her jaw tightens. âCâmon. I was fourteen.â
âYou promised me,â you cut in, voice cracking, but louder now. âYou promised me youâd come back after you cured the world. Looks like you lied about two things. You never came back, and you didnât cure the world.â
âI thought about you every day. I wanted to go back for you, but I wasnât allowed to leave. I tried.â
âYou tried?â you scoff. âFor how long? A day? A week?â
âItâs more complicated than that,â Ellie replies.Â
âComplicated, how Ellie? Please do me the favor and enlighten me,â You demand.Â
Ellie stands there dumbfounded, trying to find the words to explain things to you.Â
âI waited for you,â You begin. âI stayed in that place longer than I should have because you were always good on your promises. Every night that there was a tap on my window, I would wake up in a frenzy, thinking it was finally you. To my surprise, every time, it was just rain tapping my window.â
Tears form in Ellie's eyes. Sheâs breathing heavier than she was before.
âI carried you with me,â you say, placing your hand over your heart. âEvery day. Through every stage of my life. You were there. And youâre telling me you looked at me and didnât know?â
âYouâve changed.â
âSo did you!â you shout. âBut I still fuckinâ knew.â
Silence stretched between. Snow crunches under your boots as you begin to pace, dragging a hand through your hair.Â
âAnd the worst part?â you say, finally looking at her again, âYouâve been here this whole time. In Jackson. Safe and settled. Living this beautiful, normal life.â
The tears finally spill from your eyes.Â
âI tried really hard to convince myself that you were dead. That was the only logical reason I could come up with⊠I never imagined that you had justâŠmoved onâ
âI didnât move on,â she says immediately.
âYou sure?â you fire back, âBecause it sure does look like it.â
She takes a step toward you, âIâm sorry, okay. I'm really sorry for all of it.â
You stare at her. Unsure of what comes next.Â
She's sorry.
You couldnât wrap your head around any of it.Â
Five years of anger. Of rehearsed speeches. Of what you would say to her if you ever saw her again?Â
None of it actually prepared you for this.Â
Before you could walk away from her, she pulled you into her.
It was pure, genuine muscle memory. The way her arms wrapped around your waist, the way she fit against you.Â
For a moment, your body goes rigid, your mind screaming at you to push her away. But then, you were fourteen again. Hugging your best friend after a long day.Â
Your arms find their way around her neck. You could practically feel your heart folding in on itself. Tears spill from your eyes, hot against your cheeks, against the freezing air.Â
You press your face into her shoulder the way you used to, like you never stopped.Â
âI thought I would never see you again,â you choke out.Â
You could feel her arms tighten around you.
âI know, but we're together now,â Ellie whispers. She rubs slow circles against your back like she's trying to convince both of you, âIâm here. Iâm not going anywhere.â
You wanted so badly to stay angry and hold your ground, but your facade falls the second she holds you like this.Â
Ellie is real.Â
You could feel her heartbeat against your chest.Â
You could hear her breathing.
You could feel her warmth in your arms again.Â
Sheâs actually here.
--
taglist:
@gglittergoddess
@happysparklingshadows
Chapter 01.
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader AND Abby Anderson x Reader (separately)
Word Count: 3.0k+
Summary: Your night is interrupted by an unexpected visit that changes everything. Years later, the memory still lingers, shaping every step forward. As the cold closes in, so does the feeling that something inevitable is coming.
A/N: Hello! This is a SWFF 2.0 that I posted on Ao3. If you've read the original version, think of this as the extended version of that. It's been 3 years since I wrote the original, and it is still my favorite story I've worked on.
Ao3 Link
_
 Your blanket is warm against your body. It smells faintly like her. You cling to the warmth like your life depends on it. The world outside your sleep feels far away. You are safe in that hazy, floating place where nothing hurts.
That was true until her fingers gripped your shoulder.Â
âMmmâŠâ you groan, dragging the sound from deep in your chest as you feel the fingers grip your shoulder again.Â
âWake up⊠it's important,â Ellie whispers.
Her voice was low, tight, and controlled. It sounded all wrong, but that didn't register in your sleep and exhaustion-ridden brain.
âIt can't wait?â you mumble, words thick with sleep. âYouâve been gone for weeksâŠso it can wait.â
You roll away from her, dragging the blanket over your head. The warmth had returned to your body under the blanket. And a second, everything feels normal again.Â
But before the safety of your blanket is able to settle in your bones, it is ripped off you. The cold air from the room slams into your skin so suddenly that it steals your breath.Â
âSeriously, wake the fuck up.â
The urgency in her voice slices clean through the fog in your brain, making you bolt upright, your hair wild, and your eyes burning with sudden awareness.Â
Anger creeps into your chest. The audacity she has to sit on your bed, waking you up in the middle of the night when shes been missing for weeks, probably off running around with Riley.Â
âWhat the fuck, Ellie? Youâve been gone for weeks, and you think you can come in here bossing me around. Go the fuck-â
âI'm leaving the QZ. I came to say goodbye.â
You werent exactly sure if it was because you were still half asleep or becaus eyou were angry at her, but you were having a hard time registering her words. While your brain caught up, your heart completely understood what was said. It pounded so hard against your chest, that it was the only sound that you could hear.Â
The world felt like it stopped while your brain scrambled to rearrange her words into something logical.
âEllie.. Seriously.. Iâm not in the mood for your games,â You whisper, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. âLetâs revisit this in the morning. We can plan our grand escape tomorrow after weâve gotten some sleep. Please just go to sleep.â
You were trying to convince yourself that this was some sick prank. You tried to be calm and level-headed.
âIâm serious, Peach. I donât have a lot of time to explain myself, so I just need you to listen to me.â
You shut your eyes tightly. The tone of her voice made your heart beat even faster than before. Your eyes finally travel to her face. Moonlight spills through the cracked window, cutting across her face. Her eyes looked darker than usual; they no longer held the playful and sarcastic look they always held. They just looked heavy. Almost like she was grieving something that hadn't happened yet.Â
You search her face the way you always did. Ellie had never been good at hiding things from you. She was always an open book, but now you just couldn't read her. She was like a locked door you no longer had the key for.Â
âIâm leaving the QZ,â she finally says, breaking the silence. âI..I dont know for how long or even if I'll ever come back. But⊠I couldn't leave you without saying goodbye.â
The sound of your heart pounding against your chest consumes you once again. Your chest tights. This couldnât be the same panic you felt while fighting off clickers. There is no way⊠this felt worse.. This felt like no pain you had ever experienced.Â
A slow, suffocating pressure spread throughout your chest.Â
You tried to open your mouth, but the words died before they even made it to your lips.
âI was bit,â she blurts out. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. âAnd... and it turns out I'm immune. Thatâs why I was gone for so long, the Fireflies took me and had me locked up in a room to see if I would turn, and I didnât. Iâm still alive.â
She laughs once. Too sharp. Too fast.
âThey think I can help make a cure or some shit. Itâs actually pretty badass. Iâll ride the words of cordyceps, and my life will finally have purpose⊠It has a purpose now. â
Purpose.
It had purpose here with you. She had the purpose of being your best friend. She didn't need to leave to find it elsewhere. And if Ellie had a purpose outside of the QZ, what would become of you?Â
You donât remember deciding to move. But before you knew it, you shot up from the bed, grabbing your pack, frantically shoving clothes inside without folding, without thinking, without breathing.Â
âIâm going with you. I can pack fast. Just give me a minute.â You say frantically.Â
You couldnât look at her. You couldnât because if you did, you wouldn't find the strength in you to stop crying, and the reality was that you werenât sure that you would ever stop.Â
She pulls you into her arms, causing your pack to slip from your hands, slamming onto the ground harder than intended. Then a sob tears out of you. It wasnât a soft cry or just tears flowing; it was a deep crying that made you gasp for air and your entire body rattle.Â
You clutch her shirt, fingers twisting into the fabric like you can anchor her to this moment if you just hold tighter.
Ellie could feel her heart break as your body shook against her chest. The only thing she could do was to hold onto you tighter. You felt her breathing slow and controlled, like she was holding herself together.Â
Ellie rubbed small circles on your back, trying to soothe the pain you were feeling, but she knew better than anyone that this pain was inconsolable. She knew the pain better than anyone. Riley⊠Ellie couldnât bear to think about her right now. Not with you in this state. So all she could provide to you was this moment.Â
âI canât take you,â she whispers into your shoulder. âWeâre going across the country. I can't live with myself if something happens to you. Joel and Tess won't let me bring you. Trust me, I tried.â
âI'll come back,â she continues, âas soon as they get whatever they need from me. Blood. Test. or whatever the fuck.â
A small chuckle escapes from your lips. Of course, she would minimize saving humanity to âor whatever the fuckâ. You wanted to be selfish and beg her to stay, or scream at her, or lock her in the storage unit to keep her here, but you couldnât do that to Ellie. You couldnât stop her from fulfilling her purpose.Â
âItâs time,â a woman's voice cuts in.Â
Ellie's arms loosen around your body. You wanted nothing more than to freeze this moment in time and remain in her arms, just one more minute, but instead, panic exploded throughout your body.
âWait.â
You stumble to the bulletin board, fingers clumsy as you rip down the picture of the two of you. The edges curled. One corner torn, but the smiles on your faces are bright. You shove the photo into her hands.Â
âNever fucking forget me. You better come find me when you save the world, El. Donât fucking die trying to save the rest of the world, dumbass. I love you.â
Ellie freezes like the words physically struck her. She never imagined that those words would EVER come out of your mouth and especially not now. Why would you say that to her? And why would you say that to her now, right as she was to leave for god knows how long⊠Did you actually mean it?
Then, without thinking twice, you kiss her.Â
âI love you too,â Ellie breathes.Â
The woman climbs through the window, boots slamming down on the floor. Too loud and too heavy.Â
Everything moves too fast after that. She grabs Ellie by the arm, pulling her toward the window. You donât call out or chase her or say goodbye; you just stand there watching the person you care about most leave you behind. And deep down, beneath the fragile hope, you know the truth.
Youâre never going to see her again.
As much as you wished and bargained with the universe, you knew better.
This world has never given you kindness before. Why would it start now?
5 years later
Your mind always drifted back to that awful night. You wonder what became of her and whether she ever made it to wherever the hell she was going for that stupid cure.Â
Obviously, the cure was a doozy.
She lied and abandoned you in that shitty place. You hate her for leaving you, but she lives rent-free in your head.
âHey! Are you listening or is your head in the clouds again, Sunshine?âÂ
Abby shakes your shoulder playfully. Snow whips around you violently, biting at any exposed skin.Â
âYeah,â you mutter. âKill the old man. Whateverâ
Your voice is flat. Any and all emotion drained from you. The cold had consumed your body and seeped deep into your bones hours ago. Your toes were numb, and your nose burned every time you breathed. The endless white landscape stretched in every direction.Â
You donât care about revenge or justice. And you certainly do not care about Abbyâs endless rants about the same topic over and over again. It was too cold to think about that.
âLook, this is serious,â Abby says quietly.Â
âI know, Abby. Iâve known this whole time that this was serious. I apologize for not being all consumed by your revenge arc of murder. Forgive me for being a bit preoccupied with the fear of frostbite.â You said a little more bluntly than you intended, but it was too cold for this.
âThere she goes again being a fucking bitch,â Jordan mumbles.
âOh no, Jordan, you are seriously breaking my spirit with such an original insult,â you mock.Â
You earn chuckles from the rest of the group. Jordan rolls his eyes at you and says nothing more. Â
You didn't want to be there. You didn't want to walk through knee-deep snow that soaked through your boots and numbed your toes until they felt like they no longer belonged to you. You didn't want to feel the wind slicing through your clothe slike thin blades, robbing you of every ounce of warmth your body tried to produce. You didn't want to feel this tired, the cold, or the empty feeling in your chest.Â
You wanted to be home.
But instead, you were here. In the middle of nowhere. Freezing and exhausted, hunting a stupid old man.Â
You hated talking about him. His name always left a bitter taste in your mouth. You hated the way every conversation eventually circled back to him like he was the sun and the rest of you were just trapped in orbit. The closer you got to him, the more intense Abby became. She became more restless, more obsessed, more sharp. He was consuming her. Abby was becoming Icarus, flying too close to the sun.
You tried not to judge⊠not so hard anyway. He killed her father.
An eye for an eye.Â
Still⊠revenge didnât wasnât keeping you warm or the frostbite away.Â
Couldnât you have taken this trip in the summer or spring? It had to be winter. He was to blame. Why the hell would you live in this frozen hell?
The rest of the hike passed in silence, broken only by the occasional quiet murmuring between Mel and Owen. You werenât a nosy person, not really. You were observant. And somewhere between the wind howling and the boots crunching through the snow, you caught a single word. One word that seemed to have escaped the pair.Â
Pregnant.
Your gaze flicked toward Mel. She had been eating more lately. More snappy than usual. Moving a little slower when she thought no one was watching. God, Abby will be devastated when she finds out. Heartbroken over Owen once again.
âWeâre here,â Owen finally said, his voice rough from the cold.Â
Relief rippled through the group the second the lodge came into view. Everyone practically ran from the door, stumbling inside in a desperate rush to escape the storm.
Owen and Manny immediately started a fire.
You removed your layers of clothes wet with snow, slowly making your way to the chimney. You stretched your hands toward the fire, fingers trembling as heat slowly seeped back into them. They hurt so badly as they warmed up.
You didnât move away. You closed your eyes as the warmth reached your face.Â
âHey..â
Abby lowered herself beside you. Close enough, your shoulders brushed. You give her a quick smile out of habit before returning your attention to the fire, watching the flames twist and curl.Â
âAre you okay?â she asked.
âYeah, just cold and homesick,â you murmur.Â
She didnât look convinced. She never looked convinced by your answers anymore.Â
âIs everything okay between us?â
You close your eyes. You pause for a second before responding. No, things werent okay between the two of you. Of course they werenât.
âYeah,â you say almost too fast.
âI know weâre not in the best place right now, but you can still talk to me, you know.â
Your chest tightens; you didn't want to talk about anything. And you certainly did not want to talk to Abby about that.
âI hate being here,â you admit, voice low. âI hate the snow. I hate being cold, and I hate not being able to shake off this feeling of impending doom. I feel like something is waiting for us, like the doomsday clock is counting down, but itâs probably just the cold and my fear of getting frostbite.â
Abby's expression softens. âI wonât let anything happen to you, and I'll make sure you donât get frostbite.â
You chuckle at her stupid joke. You desperately wanted to believe her, but the knot in your stomach didn't loosen. It just sat there, heavy, quiet, and patient.Â
Fear rarely left once it settled in.
â
Your eyes fluttered open to the noise. You jolted upright, heart already racing before you could even understand why. The room felt dimmer now, colder without the fire blazing so high. Most of the group had moved outside onto the balcony, their voices sharp and overlapping.
You pushed yourself up, rubbing sleep from your face as you stepped closer. You found your boots and coat before you stepped outside.Â
âNo,â Owen said firmly. âThose people in that town would eat us alive if we step anywhere near them. We wait. Patience is on our side. They patrol the area. I am sure he patrols as well. We wait for him outside.â
Thank god for Owen, despite your differences and your distaste for him, he was the only logical, level-headed person in the group.
âJust fucking let me go,â Abby snapped. âI can end it!â
Voices erupt from every direction immediately. Everyone is talking over eachother. Everyone volunteering. Everyone arguing. An endless loop of tension and impatience.Â
You sigh loudly and annoyed.Â
âI'll go,â you said plainly.Â
Every head snapped towards you.Â
You crossed your arms to try to warm yourself up once again, â I mean this with no offense because you are all my friends, but none of you have friendly faces. They will not suspect a thing from poor little me.â
âWhat do you mean by that?â Mel ask dumbfounded.
âWell, Mel, ha that rhymed. Sorry, Mel, you and Nora are our medics in case of any injuries, and you know,â You say, looking down at her belly before continuing on. âOwen, you need to stay here and hold down the fort. Abby, you will light that whole settlement on fire to find one man, and that's not what were here for. I mean, you all get the gist. Everyone has an important role here.â
You shrugged slightly. Â
âI can get in and out.â
Chaos exploded again. Everyone arguing. Everyone objecting. Everyone is talking over one another.Â
It had to be the cold impacting our ability to think critically. It had to be. Our Seattle brains were not made for all the snow and freezing cold temperatures.Â
âNo,â Abby said sharply, turning her body towards you, âIâm not letting you walk into that town and get yourself killed.â
You met her gaze steadily. âIsaac has sent me on more dangerous ops, Abby. I can handle this.â
âWell, Isaac isn't here. The choice is mine, and Iâm saying no.â
Something about her talking to you like that just sets you off, âMy apologises, Sargaent Anderson, I had not realized I stepped out of line. Forgot I was just another one of your soldiers and not an equal part of this fucking group.â
Owen exhaled slowly. âSheâs right, Abs. She has gone on way more dangerous missions back home, she always handles herself flawlessly, and shes the least threatening out of all of us.â
The tension was thick. Almost as unbearable as the cold.
Abbyâs jaw tightened.Â
âYou have three days,â she said finally, âBring him out. Then we proceed with the plan accordingly.Â
The mission was simple. In and out.Â
A piece of cakeÂ
âYes Sergaent Anderson,â you snap before heading back inside.Â
You earn chuckles from Manny and Nora.
Abby was hot on your heels before she grabbed your wrist, spinning you around.
âIâm sorry, okay? I didnât mean to boss you around. Iâm just afraid, okay. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt because of me. You are not obligated to this. We can plan something else. We have time.â Abby says.Â
âItâs fine. I can handle it.â you snap at her, still upset with her.Â
âIs the bad feeling still there?â she whispers.Â
Your entire body stiffens. Yes, of course it was still there; it had never left. It clung to your ribs and curled in your stomach. It whispered in your ear that something was about to go terribly, horribly wrong.
âNo, I told you it was just the cold.â
She studied you for a long moment, taking all of you in.Â
âPlease be careful, and please donât fucking die.â
Chapter 2 coming out tomorrow đ€đœ
(hopefully hold me accountable PUHLEAAASE)
Chapter 01.
next chapter ->
Pairing: Ellie Williams x Reader AND Abby Anderson x Reader (separately)
Word Count: 3.0k+
Summary: Your night is interrupted by an unexpected visit that changes everything. Years later, the memory still lingers, shaping every step forward. As the cold closes in, so does the feeling that something inevitable is coming.
A/N: Hello! This is a SWFF 2.0 that I posted on Ao3. If you've read the original version, think of this as the extended version of that. It's been 3 years since I wrote the original, and it is still my favorite story I've worked on.
Ao3 Link
_
 Your blanket is warm against your body. It smells faintly like her. You cling to the warmth like your life depends on it. The world outside your sleep feels far away. You are safe in that hazy, floating place where nothing hurts.
That was true until her fingers gripped your shoulder.Â
âMmmâŠâ you groan, dragging the sound from deep in your chest as you feel the fingers grip your shoulder again.Â
âWake up⊠it's important,â Ellie whispers.
Her voice was low, tight, and controlled. It sounded all wrong, but that didn't register in your sleep and exhaustion-ridden brain.
âIt can't wait?â you mumble, words thick with sleep. âYouâve been gone for weeksâŠso it can wait.â
You roll away from her, dragging the blanket over your head. The warmth had returned to your body under the blanket. And a second, everything feels normal again.Â
But before the safety of your blanket is able to settle in your bones, it is ripped off you. The cold air from the room slams into your skin so suddenly that it steals your breath.Â
âSeriously, wake the fuck up.â
The urgency in her voice slices clean through the fog in your brain, making you bolt upright, your hair wild, and your eyes burning with sudden awareness.Â
Anger creeps into your chest. The audacity she has to sit on your bed, waking you up in the middle of the night when shes been missing for weeks, probably off running around with Riley.Â
âWhat the fuck, Ellie? Youâve been gone for weeks, and you think you can come in here bossing me around. Go the fuck-â
âI'm leaving the QZ. I came to say goodbye.â
You werent exactly sure if it was because you were still half asleep or becaus eyou were angry at her, but you were having a hard time registering her words. While your brain caught up, your heart completely understood what was said. It pounded so hard against your chest, that it was the only sound that you could hear.Â
The world felt like it stopped while your brain scrambled to rearrange her words into something logical.
âEllie.. Seriously.. Iâm not in the mood for your games,â You whisper, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. âLetâs revisit this in the morning. We can plan our grand escape tomorrow after weâve gotten some sleep. Please just go to sleep.â
You were trying to convince yourself that this was some sick prank. You tried to be calm and level-headed.
âIâm serious, Peach. I donât have a lot of time to explain myself, so I just need you to listen to me.â
You shut your eyes tightly. The tone of her voice made your heart beat even faster than before. Your eyes finally travel to her face. Moonlight spills through the cracked window, cutting across her face. Her eyes looked darker than usual; they no longer held the playful and sarcastic look they always held. They just looked heavy. Almost like she was grieving something that hadn't happened yet.Â
You search her face the way you always did. Ellie had never been good at hiding things from you. She was always an open book, but now you just couldn't read her. She was like a locked door you no longer had the key for.Â
âIâm leaving the QZ,â she finally says, breaking the silence. âI..I dont know for how long or even if I'll ever come back. But⊠I couldn't leave you without saying goodbye.â
The sound of your heart pounding against your chest consumes you once again. Your chest tights. This couldnât be the same panic you felt while fighting off clickers. There is no way⊠this felt worse.. This felt like no pain you had ever experienced.Â
A slow, suffocating pressure spread throughout your chest.Â
You tried to open your mouth, but the words died before they even made it to your lips.
âI was bit,â she blurts out. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. âAnd... and it turns out I'm immune. Thatâs why I was gone for so long, the Fireflies took me and had me locked up in a room to see if I would turn, and I didnât. Iâm still alive.â
She laughs once. Too sharp. Too fast.
âThey think I can help make a cure or some shit. Itâs actually pretty badass. Iâll ride the words of cordyceps, and my life will finally have purpose⊠It has a purpose now. â
Purpose.
It had purpose here with you. She had the purpose of being your best friend. She didn't need to leave to find it elsewhere. And if Ellie had a purpose outside of the QZ, what would become of you?Â
You donât remember deciding to move. But before you knew it, you shot up from the bed, grabbing your pack, frantically shoving clothes inside without folding, without thinking, without breathing.Â
âIâm going with you. I can pack fast. Just give me a minute.â You say frantically.Â
You couldnât look at her. You couldnât because if you did, you wouldn't find the strength in you to stop crying, and the reality was that you werenât sure that you would ever stop.Â
She pulls you into her arms, causing your pack to slip from your hands, slamming onto the ground harder than intended. Then a sob tears out of you. It wasnât a soft cry or just tears flowing; it was a deep crying that made you gasp for air and your entire body rattle.Â
You clutch her shirt, fingers twisting into the fabric like you can anchor her to this moment if you just hold tighter.
Ellie could feel her heart break as your body shook against her chest. The only thing she could do was to hold onto you tighter. You felt her breathing slow and controlled, like she was holding herself together.Â
Ellie rubbed small circles on your back, trying to soothe the pain you were feeling, but she knew better than anyone that this pain was inconsolable. She knew the pain better than anyone. Riley⊠Ellie couldnât bear to think about her right now. Not with you in this state. So all she could provide to you was this moment.Â
âI canât take you,â she whispers into your shoulder. âWeâre going across the country. I can't live with myself if something happens to you. Joel and Tess won't let me bring you. Trust me, I tried.â
âI'll come back,â she continues, âas soon as they get whatever they need from me. Blood. Test. or whatever the fuck.â
A small chuckle escapes from your lips. Of course, she would minimize saving humanity to âor whatever the fuckâ. You wanted to be selfish and beg her to stay, or scream at her, or lock her in the storage unit to keep her here, but you couldnât do that to Ellie. You couldnât stop her from fulfilling her purpose.Â
âItâs time,â a woman's voice cuts in.Â
Ellie's arms loosen around your body. You wanted nothing more than to freeze this moment in time and remain in her arms, just one more minute, but instead, panic exploded throughout your body.
âWait.â
You stumble to the bulletin board, fingers clumsy as you rip down the picture of the two of you. The edges curled. One corner torn, but the smiles on your faces are bright. You shove the photo into her hands.Â
âNever fucking forget me. You better come find me when you save the world, El. Donât fucking die trying to save the rest of the world, dumbass. I love you.â
Ellie freezes like the words physically struck her. She never imagined that those words would EVER come out of your mouth and especially not now. Why would you say that to her? And why would you say that to her now, right as she was to leave for god knows how long⊠Did you actually mean it?
Then, without thinking twice, you kiss her.Â
âI love you too,â Ellie breathes.Â
The woman climbs through the window, boots slamming down on the floor. Too loud and too heavy.Â
Everything moves too fast after that. She grabs Ellie by the arm, pulling her toward the window. You donât call out or chase her or say goodbye; you just stand there watching the person you care about most leave you behind. And deep down, beneath the fragile hope, you know the truth.
Youâre never going to see her again.
As much as you wished and bargained with the universe, you knew better.
This world has never given you kindness before. Why would it start now?
5 years later
Your mind always drifted back to that awful night. You wonder what became of her and whether she ever made it to wherever the hell she was going for that stupid cure.Â
Obviously, the cure was a doozy.
She lied and abandoned you in that shitty place. You hate her for leaving you, but she lives rent-free in your head.
âHey! Are you listening or is your head in the clouds again, Sunshine?âÂ
Abby shakes your shoulder playfully. Snow whips around you violently, biting at any exposed skin.Â
âYeah,â you mutter. âKill the old man. Whateverâ
Your voice is flat. Any and all emotion drained from you. The cold had consumed your body and seeped deep into your bones hours ago. Your toes were numb, and your nose burned every time you breathed. The endless white landscape stretched in every direction.Â
You donât care about revenge or justice. And you certainly do not care about Abbyâs endless rants about the same topic over and over again. It was too cold to think about that.
âLook, this is serious,â Abby says quietly.Â
âI know, Abby. Iâve known this whole time that this was serious. I apologize for not being all consumed by your revenge arc of murder. Forgive me for being a bit preoccupied with the fear of frostbite.â You said a little more bluntly than you intended, but it was too cold for this.
âThere she goes again being a fucking bitch,â Jordan mumbles.
âOh no, Jordan, you are seriously breaking my spirit with such an original insult,â you mock.Â
You earn chuckles from the rest of the group. Jordan rolls his eyes at you and says nothing more. Â
You didn't want to be there. You didn't want to walk through knee-deep snow that soaked through your boots and numbed your toes until they felt like they no longer belonged to you. You didn't want to feel the wind slicing through your clothe slike thin blades, robbing you of every ounce of warmth your body tried to produce. You didn't want to feel this tired, the cold, or the empty feeling in your chest.Â
You wanted to be home.
But instead, you were here. In the middle of nowhere. Freezing and exhausted, hunting a stupid old man.Â
You hated talking about him. His name always left a bitter taste in your mouth. You hated the way every conversation eventually circled back to him like he was the sun and the rest of you were just trapped in orbit. The closer you got to him, the more intense Abby became. She became more restless, more obsessed, more sharp. He was consuming her. Abby was becoming Icarus, flying too close to the sun.
You tried not to judge⊠not so hard anyway. He killed her father.
An eye for an eye.Â
Still⊠revenge didnât wasnât keeping you warm or the frostbite away.Â
Couldnât you have taken this trip in the summer or spring? It had to be winter. He was to blame. Why the hell would you live in this frozen hell?
The rest of the hike passed in silence, broken only by the occasional quiet murmuring between Mel and Owen. You werenât a nosy person, not really. You were observant. And somewhere between the wind howling and the boots crunching through the snow, you caught a single word. One word that seemed to have escaped the pair.Â
Pregnant.
Your gaze flicked toward Mel. She had been eating more lately. More snappy than usual. Moving a little slower when she thought no one was watching. God, Abby will be devastated when she finds out. Heartbroken over Owen once again.
âWeâre here,â Owen finally said, his voice rough from the cold.Â
Relief rippled through the group the second the lodge came into view. Everyone practically ran from the door, stumbling inside in a desperate rush to escape the storm.
Owen and Manny immediately started a fire.
You removed your layers of clothes wet with snow, slowly making your way to the chimney. You stretched your hands toward the fire, fingers trembling as heat slowly seeped back into them. They hurt so badly as they warmed up.
You didnât move away. You closed your eyes as the warmth reached your face.Â
âHey..â
Abby lowered herself beside you. Close enough, your shoulders brushed. You give her a quick smile out of habit before returning your attention to the fire, watching the flames twist and curl.Â
âAre you okay?â she asked.
âYeah, just cold and homesick,â you murmur.Â
She didnât look convinced. She never looked convinced by your answers anymore.Â
âIs everything okay between us?â
You close your eyes. You pause for a second before responding. No, things werent okay between the two of you. Of course they werenât.
âYeah,â you say almost too fast.
âI know weâre not in the best place right now, but you can still talk to me, you know.â
Your chest tightens; you didn't want to talk about anything. And you certainly did not want to talk to Abby about that.
âI hate being here,â you admit, voice low. âI hate the snow. I hate being cold, and I hate not being able to shake off this feeling of impending doom. I feel like something is waiting for us, like the doomsday clock is counting down, but itâs probably just the cold and my fear of getting frostbite.â
Abby's expression softens. âI wonât let anything happen to you, and I'll make sure you donât get frostbite.â
You chuckle at her stupid joke. You desperately wanted to believe her, but the knot in your stomach didn't loosen. It just sat there, heavy, quiet, and patient.Â
Fear rarely left once it settled in.
â
Your eyes fluttered open to the noise. You jolted upright, heart already racing before you could even understand why. The room felt dimmer now, colder without the fire blazing so high. Most of the group had moved outside onto the balcony, their voices sharp and overlapping.
You pushed yourself up, rubbing sleep from your face as you stepped closer. You found your boots and coat before you stepped outside.Â
âNo,â Owen said firmly. âThose people in that town would eat us alive if we step anywhere near them. We wait. Patience is on our side. They patrol the area. I am sure he patrols as well. We wait for him outside.â
Thank god for Owen, despite your differences and your distaste for him, he was the only logical, level-headed person in the group.
âJust fucking let me go,â Abby snapped. âI can end it!â
Voices erupt from every direction immediately. Everyone is talking over eachother. Everyone volunteering. Everyone arguing. An endless loop of tension and impatience.Â
You sigh loudly and annoyed.Â
âI'll go,â you said plainly.Â
Every head snapped towards you.Â
You crossed your arms to try to warm yourself up once again, â I mean this with no offense because you are all my friends, but none of you have friendly faces. They will not suspect a thing from poor little me.â
âWhat do you mean by that?â Mel ask dumbfounded.
âWell, Mel, ha that rhymed. Sorry, Mel, you and Nora are our medics in case of any injuries, and you know,â You say, looking down at her belly before continuing on. âOwen, you need to stay here and hold down the fort. Abby, you will light that whole settlement on fire to find one man, and that's not what were here for. I mean, you all get the gist. Everyone has an important role here.â
You shrugged slightly. Â
âI can get in and out.â
Chaos exploded again. Everyone arguing. Everyone objecting. Everyone is talking over one another.Â
It had to be the cold impacting our ability to think critically. It had to be. Our Seattle brains were not made for all the snow and freezing cold temperatures.Â
âNo,â Abby said sharply, turning her body towards you, âIâm not letting you walk into that town and get yourself killed.â
You met her gaze steadily. âIsaac has sent me on more dangerous ops, Abby. I can handle this.â
âWell, Isaac isn't here. The choice is mine, and Iâm saying no.â
Something about her talking to you like that just sets you off, âMy apologises, Sargaent Anderson, I had not realized I stepped out of line. Forgot I was just another one of your soldiers and not an equal part of this fucking group.â
Owen exhaled slowly. âSheâs right, Abs. She has gone on way more dangerous missions back home, she always handles herself flawlessly, and shes the least threatening out of all of us.â
The tension was thick. Almost as unbearable as the cold.
Abbyâs jaw tightened.Â
âYou have three days,â she said finally, âBring him out. Then we proceed with the plan accordingly.Â
The mission was simple. In and out.Â
A piece of cakeÂ
âYes Sergaent Anderson,â you snap before heading back inside.Â
You earn chuckles from Manny and Nora.
Abby was hot on your heels before she grabbed your wrist, spinning you around.
âIâm sorry, okay? I didnât mean to boss you around. Iâm just afraid, okay. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt because of me. You are not obligated to this. We can plan something else. We have time.â Abby says.Â
âItâs fine. I can handle it.â you snap at her, still upset with her.Â
âIs the bad feeling still there?â she whispers.Â
Your entire body stiffens. Yes, of course it was still there; it had never left. It clung to your ribs and curled in your stomach. It whispered in your ear that something was about to go terribly, horribly wrong.
âNo, I told you it was just the cold.â
She studied you for a long moment, taking all of you in.Â
âPlease be careful, and please donât fucking die.â
aftertaste: extra sweet | chapter II
ellie williams x fem!reader
Synopsis: Ever since you were a kid, you always knew you were luckyâraised in a loving family, surrounded by a tight friend group that stayed with you from middle school to the last years of high school, your life felt complete, safe, and carefully controlled. You didnât need anything extraâuntil Ellie Williams. She used to be just another person in the mix, but somewhere along the way, she decided you were worth botheringâtreating you extra different from everyone else, being extra annoying when she knew it would get under your skin, giving you extra attention, and somehow, extra sweet in the moments that made you notice. And no matter how much you tried to push her away, the more she got under your skin, the harder it became to ignore the part of you that suddenly felt like maybe⊠you wanted something more than the life you were supposed to be satisfied with.
Content Warnings: enemies-to-lovers, childhood & high school setting (mostly flashbacks), first crushes, internalized homophobia, messy friend group dynamics, ellie and reader canât stand each other! sexual tension, denial, reader confusion about feelings and sexuality, jealousy, unrequited crushes, angst, fluff.
âž previous chapter | next chapter
Despite the fact that Ellie had been completely MIA the whole week after New Yearâs, her words inside that tiny, cramped closet replayed in your head on repeat, keeping you awake at night as you thought back on everything sheâd done since you were kidsâright up to the last thing she did that made you feel this way, the bracelet sheâd given you on your birthday last month.
âWow⊠this is what you got from Ellie?â Dina gaped, holding the thin of silver up to her face as she studied it.
ââŠYeah,â you sighed, letting your eyes follow her as her expression shifted from shock to dazed awe.
You thought about telling Dina what had been keeping you up all week. She was your best friend, after all. There was no reason to hide anything from herâespecially not something like this. But things like this⊠well, they were different when Ellie was involved.
âHuh,â Dina frowned softly at the thin of silver, tilting it as if she was noticing something odd about it.
You hesitated, twisting your hands in your lap.
âItâs a bit large for my wrist actuallyâŠâ you shrugged casually.
âReally?â Dina raised her eyebrows and immediately grabbed your hand, inspecting it. She laughed, loud and full, shaking her head. âOh my god⊠this is a total bum! Ellie couldnât even get this right!â
You shook your head, unable to stop yourself from laughing along with her. She stared at the bracelet again, holding your hand for a full minute before giving a dramatic âI donât get it.â
âWhat, you donât getââ you started, raising an eyebrow.
âI donât get why she would give you this expensive thing when she didnât even get it right for you,â Dina said, shaking her head slowly.
You stayed quiet, letting her talk, watching her animated expression.
âWas this supposed to annoy you?â she asked, squinting as if she could read your mind.
âI⊠donât know?â you admitted, shrugging.
âAre you annoyed?â she pressed, eyebrows arched suspiciously.
You scoffed, thinking about the last two years Ellie hadnât even gotten you a birthday gift. âI mean⊠not really. No,â you muttered, shaking your head again.
âReally?â
âYeah,â you said, your voice low.
Dina leaned closer, voice dropping like she was about to spill some secret. âWhat happened inside the closet anyway? Ellie looked⊠annoyed when she came out, from what my drunk brain remembers.â
âNothing happenedâŠâ you said quickly, lying without even thinking. âAnd if anyone should be annoyed, it should be me. Not her.â You rolled your eyes, letting a small smirk slip.
Dina scoffed, shaking her head in mock exasperation. âYou two are so mature.â
âYeah, but if you were in my position for the last six years, you wouldnât be able to say that,â you muttered, matter-of-fact.
Dina tilted her head, watching you carefully, a smirk tugging at her lips. âHonestly? If I were in your position⊠Iâd probably just, I donât know⊠be dating her already.â
You blinked, caught off guard. ââŠWait, what?â
âThink about it,â she said, shrugging like it was obvious. âSheâs been around forever. Always there. If it were me? Iâd just⊠go for it. Stop overthinking everything.â
You stared at her. âGo for it, how?â
Dina laughed, tossing her hands in the air. âLike⊠start a relationship? Obviously, you wouldnât just sit there, being all weird about gifts and closets and stuff,â she said, grinning.
You let out a short, sharp laugh. âYeah, right. Easy for you to say. You donât⊠you donât get it.â
âHey, Iâm just saying what I would do,â Dina grinned, leaning back. âDonât shoot the messenger.â
You squinted at her. âDo you like Ellie or something?â
She snorted. âHell, no. Iâm just saying⊠if I were you, I wouldnât be this weird about it.â
You rolled your eyes lazily, leaning back on the couch. âBut Iâm not gay. You know that.â
Dina just laughed at your face, shaking her head, and didnât say anything. You frowned at her reaction, watching her walk to the kitchen, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
That conversation with Dina certainly didnât help at all. If anything, it made everything worse.
Girls never really crossed your mind that way. Yeah, youâd felt the occasional crushâthose awkward little flutters, a few casual dates here and thereâbut they were always on guys. Always ânormal,â the kind of thing your Christian parents expected you to like, the kind of thing that fit neatly into the rules youâd grown up with. But Ellie? Ellie had somehow twisted your brain into questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself.
You shoved the pillow aside, glaring at the ceiling. You hated that you couldnât stop replaying her words from that cramped closet. You hated that your chest felt tighter just thinking about the way she grinned at you, even in those moments when you were insulting her wholeheartedly.
You went to sleep that night, convincing yourself that maybe you only felt this way because it was impossible to get along with her normally, that maybe if you were just friends like everyone else, none of this would happen. And if there ever came a time when you two became friends, it would stop feeling like this.
The next morning, the sun filtered lazily through the blinds, casting stripes across Dinaâs living room. Despite the chill outside, the room was warm and noisy. It was the last day before classes resumed, and everyone had ended up at her place, sprawled across couches and floor cushions like it was the middle of summer instead of winter.
You leaned over the arm of the couch, mindlessly scrolling on your phone while everyone talked about nothing in particular while watching something on the TV. You didnât have the energy to join in, just letting their voices wash over youâuntil you caught Jesse saying Ellieâs name.
âDoes anyone even know if Ellieâs coming over?â
No one answered.
âSeriously sheâs not replying to my messages either,â Jesse said, flopping back on the couch with a dramatic groan.
âShut up, Jesse. You talk like a girl,â Alex muttered from beside him.
âAm I not allowed to worry about my best friend? Who, by the way, is your friend too, Alexa.â Jesse shot back.
âWhat if sheâI donât knowâhurt herself or something?â Jesse added, eyes wide, trying to make a point.
âWhat would make her do that, Jess?â Dina asked, frowning.
âI donât know, man but she looked crushed last week,â Jesse said, shrugging.
Alex laughed, shaking his head. âCrushed? Really? Because I literally saw her on a date yesterday.â
And just like that, Ellie walked in, a girl by her side.
âDude, youâre fucking alive!â Jesse grinned, swinging the door open wider and giving Ellie a side hug.
âIâm gonna kill you if you told them what happened,â Ellie said, eyes narrowing at him.
âWhat happened?â Jesse asked innocently, shrugging.
Your eyes flicked from Ellie to the girl beside herâyou didnât recognize her. This also wasnât the girl sheâd made out with over New Yearâs.
You sighed softly, forcing your gaze back to the TV. She always said she didnât play aroundâbut here she was, sticking to her word in the most infuriating way possible.
Why were you even bothered? It wasnât like it was newâEllie had always dated around, and you werenât supposed to care. But for some reason, seeing her with a girl now left a bitter taste in your mouth.
Over the following weeks, Cat started tagging along with the group more often. She was pretty, funny in a quiet, effortless way, and could talk to anyone without trying. Honestly⊠she looked like the kind of girl Ellie would date.
You told yourself you didnât really mind her being there. Of course you didâyou made yourself believe that was how it should be. So you kept your distance, focusing on everything except Ellie and her girlfriend.
But Ellie⊠well, she had a way of getting under your skin, no matter what. You caught her looking at you sometimes, watching you while Cat stood right beside her, laughing and talking. Your chest would tighten every time, youâd have to look away.
That week, Dina had practically dragged you to the gym, insisting you come watch the game even though youâd told her you werenât in the mood.
Now you were perched on the bleachers, surrounded by noise and cheering, trying not to frown as you watched Cat wipe Ellieâs sweat after sheâd won with her teammates.
You forced yourself to look away, focusing on anything else, until Ellieâs grating voice cut through the crowd.
âWhat's wrong, princess? You look like the sky and earth just fell on you,â she smirked, settling a seat a little away from you, a spare shirt draped over her shoulder.
You crossed your arms, refusing to meet her gaze. âI hate dirty players,â you muttered, voice low and measured.
Ellie snorted, a mock frown tugging at her lips. âI didnât realize you were paying this much attention to me during the game.â
You let out a slow, deliberate sigh, keeping your tone flat and uninterested. âEveryone saw it,â you said, eyes flicking elsewhere, tuning out the surrounding chatter.
Ellie leaned back on the bleacher, tilting her head like she was studying you. âEveryone? You mean⊠everyoneâs judging me because of what? My epic skills?â she teased, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
You raised an eyebrow, tone sharper than intended. âNo, because you cheat.â
Ellieâs grin widened. âCheat? Really? Care to explain.â
You glanced at her shortly, before looking away. âI saw you elbow Taylor in the first half,â you shrugged.
Ellie laughed under her breath. âOh, come on, thatâs part of the game. Donât act like you werenât watching.â
You huffed, crossing your arms tighter. âI was watching, yes. And I didnât like it.â
She chuckled, then shook her head with a mock frown. âWhy are you even here if you donât like it?â
âBecause my best friendâs here, so Iâm supposed to be,â you shot back lightly, glancing at her before flicking your eyes to Cat walking over. âJust like your girlfriendâs here because youâre here.â
Ellieâs lip tugged into a grin. She glanced at Cat, stood up, and brushed off her shorts, then turned back to you, the same irritating smirk on her lips. âWell, then⊠Iâll go to my girlfriend now.â
You frowned softly, watching her walk back to Cat, who was smiling up at her. You looked away just as Ellie kissed her, then headed home right after, texting Dina that you werenât feeling well enough to join the plans she had for you.
Each day it got harder to stay âcoolâ around Ellie. And each day, you realized you could never be anything with her. You couldnât even tolerate her enough to be friends. And being anything more than that wasnât possible. So more often than not, you just chose to not go with them if you knew Ellie and Cat would be there.
That was what was on your mind when you finally said yes to Dina about going to this house party, two weeks later. But the moment you stepped in and saw Ellie lounging on the couch with the others, your stomach dropped.
Fuck.
There was no time to look shocked or scared, so you swallowed whatever you felt and followed Dina, trying to act casual.
The music thumped, voices collided, and the mix of sweat and cheap alcohol made your stomach twist. After Dina disappeared somewhereâGod knows whereâyou ended up perched on the kitchen counter, trying to disappear into the chaos.
From there, you could still see Ellie on the couch, Cat beside her. They were the only ones left, talking quietly while everyone else was wrapped up around.
You let out a slow, exasperated sigh. The tequila youâd been sipping was threatening to make an appearance the wrong way, so you tried to find a bathroom. No luck. You went upstairs, trying to make yourself throw up, but it wouldnât work.
Frustrated, you opened the door to leaveâand froze. Ellie was there.
âWhat the fuck?â you muttered, taken off guard.
Her eyes flicked to you, then down at what you were wearing. âWhat were you doing?â she asked.
You let out a quiet sigh, trying to steady the sudden thump of your heart. She wore her hat backwards, a red graphic tee and worn jeans that clung just enough to catch the lightâcareless and effortless aura she always carried.
You raised an eyebrow. âWhat do you think? I was sleeping in the bathroom?â Your voice carried the sarcasm you didnât quite feel.
She chuckled lowly, but she still didnât step aside so you frowned.
ââŠI was just wondering,â Ellie said, she rested her hand lightly on the side of the doorway, fingers brushing against the frame as if leaning on it for balance. âYou havenât really been around this past week.â
You lifted a brow. âAnd?â
She shrugged faintly. âNothing.â
The silence stretched, thick and weird. You shifted your weight, feeling the alcohol churn in your stomach.
âOkay. Can you move?â you muttered.
Ellie glanced at you, then to the side, finally stepping back just enough for you to pass.
You didn't say anything and brushed past her shoulder.
But just as you did, her hand reached out and wrapped around your wrist.
You froze.
Her grip wasnât tight, but it held enough to stop you in your tracks.
Ellie leaned slightly, a subtle sway betraying her steps. A faint pink dusted her cheeks, and her lips were glossy, catching the light from the hallway. Her sharp and playful eyes locked on yours.
âAre you avoiding me?â she asked, her voice low, stretching out just a fraction, almost slurred.
Your chest tightened, heart hammering in a way that had nothing to do with anger. Every inhale felt too loud, too aware of the warmth of her hand against your skin. You tugged gently, trying to pull free.
âLet me go,â you muttered, voice firmer than you felt.
âWhy?â she asked, stepping closer, and you caught the faint sway of her body as she moved.
âBecause⊠just let me go, Ellie.â You repeated, voice firmer this time.
Her thumb brushed yours, almost accidentally, and a shiver ran down your spine. She didnât let go. Instead, she stepped closer, leaning in, voice dropping almost to a whisper.
âTell me⊠am I hurting you?â
Your eyes dropped to her handâcold, knuckles pale from how tightly she was gripping your wrist now.
You swallowed hard, mind racing. The faint scent of alcohol and her warmth pressed into your senses, making it impossible to answer logically.
âYes,â you breathed, chest rising slow and uneven. âYou are.â
Her eyes softened, vulnerability flickering through the haze of the room. The grip loosened slightly, but she still held on, stepping just close enough that you could feel the warmth radiating off her.
âTell me what I canââ she started, her voice rough. âWhat can I do?â
Your heart was racing too fast, your thoughts too loud. You pulled your hand back suddenly, shaking your head.
âYouâre drunk, Ellie.â
You didnât wait for her to respond. You left and went straight home.
You couldnât stay in the same place after the way she looked at you, after the way she said thatâlike she meant it, even if she didnât fully understand it herself.
The next morning, Dina was the first to call you.
She filled you in on all the drama youâd missed after leavingâbut the part that made your stomach drop was that Ellie had broken up with Cat.
@faejvst @lovablehare @sqandroct14 @almadellie @moniquezxx @m0on1ight1
aftertaste: extra sweet | chapter I
ellie williams x fem!reader
Synopsis: Ever since you were a kid, you always knew you were luckyâraised in a loving family, surrounded by a tight friend group that stayed with you from middle school to the last years of high school, your life felt complete, safe, and carefully controlled. You didnât need anything extraâuntil Ellie Williams. She used to be just another person in the mix, but somewhere along the way, she decided you were worth botheringâtreating you extra different from everyone else, being extra annoying when she knew it would get under your skin, giving you extra attention, and somehow, extra sweet in the moments that made you notice. And no matter how much you tried to push her away, the more she got under your skin, the harder it became to ignore the part of you that suddenly felt like maybe⊠you wanted something more than the life you were supposed to be satisfied with.
Content Warnings: enemies-to-lovers, childhood & high school setting (mostly flashbacks), first crushes, internalized homophobia, messy friend group dynamics, ellie and reader canât stand each other! sexual tension, denial, reader confusion about feelings and sexuality, jealousy, unrequited crushes, angst, fluff.
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You hadnât really thought much about Ellie growing up.
Not in any way that mattered, anyway. To you, she was just this loud, funny girlâreading comic books between classes, quoting lines from movies nobody else had seen, laughing at things that didnât even seem funny. She moved through the same spaces you did simply because you knew the same people and had grown up together through the long, awkward years of middle and high school.
You were friends. Sure. But not the way you were friends with Dina, who knew every version of you because she was your best friend. And not the way you were friends with Jesse, who had always been Ellieâs person.
Ellie was just⊠another person in the mix.
At least, thatâs what you told yourself.
There was never a moment where you thought about her too deeply. You didnât wonder what she felt, or care why she laughed the way she did, or why she took up space so easily. She wasnât someone you studied or really tried to understand.
Well... partly because when youâve been stuck in the same large friend group since middle school, you learn a few things.
You learn that people blur when there are too many of them. Someone will always end up closer to someone else than the rest. And no one decides it. It just happens. You stop keeping track of whoâs close to who, who talks to who more, who drifts. It doesn't matter, and honestly? Itâs easier not to think about it.
But the thing is⊠even not choosing someone, in its own way, is still a choice.
Thatâs the part you hadnât realized until years later, when Ellieâout of nowhereâdecided to bother you. Of all people.
She went from being someone who was âjust another personâ to someone who could never leave you alone. And maybe you should have appreciated it, right?âbecause the person you barely noticed ends up meaning more than you expected. The kind of thing that changes what friendship even is.
But no. You didnât. You couldnât appreciate a single thing she didânot when she made it her mission to get under your skin every chance she got.
You remember the day she started⊠whatever this thing was.
It was seventh grade.
You were in the gym locker room when she âjust happenedâ to knock over her water bottle, and the dark splash immediately spread across your neatly folded uniform.
You gasped lightly and froze, unsure whether to be furious or embarrassed.
All you heard was her low snort before she walked out without a word, leaving you there, eyes shifting from her to the mess, unable to say anything.
When you saw her again at Jesseâs house for a hangout with everyone else the following weekend, you never expected her to apologize.
You assumed sheâd already forgotten the locker room incidentâor didnât careâso you let it slide. You didnât hold a grudge exactly, but you had nothing to say to her either, and you certainly didnât want to, especially after what happened.
You thought that was the first and the last, but oh, you were entirely wrong.
The next week, you were running late for class when she suddenly appeared out of nowhere and âbumped into youâ in the hallway, sending your books flying. She crouched downânot to helpâbut to pick one up, flip through it, and hand it back with the pages bent, the cover half-closed, as if sheâd lost interest halfway through.
And again, you were left standing there, dumbfounded. Why the hell did she do that? Your irritation pricked at the nerve of this girl.
By the end of seventh grade, she had managed to rile you with every stunt she pulledâwhether it was dipping her brush into your palette instead of her own in art class, swirling your colors together until they looked like swamp water (and having the nerve to tell you it âlooked better that wayâ), or getting you detention for a stink bomb sheâd planned during one of your science experiments.
Eighth grade came fast after that.
By then, youâd started expecting the little chaos she brought into your lifeâbut that didnât make it any less annoying. Over time, youâd just learned to ignore her, roll your eyes, or pretend she wasnât there, even as she somehow always appeared in the right place at the wrong time for you.
Even with everyone around, Ellie found ways to make it about you. The more things changed, the more you realized⊠she wasnât just careless.
That year, though, was the first time she did something so cruel it actually hurt.
It was PE. Youâd been stuck as goalie during practice, half-distracted because your eyes kept drifting to the guy Dina had mentioned who had a crush on you.
You didnât even see it comingâEllieâs kick sent the ball rocketing straight into your face. The pain hit first, followed by the warm trickle from your nose.
Before you could even register what happened, Ellie was already sprinting off, vanishing behind the equipment shed before your wrath could reach her. You knew sheâd done it on purpose, and the flash of guilt on her face as she ran was the only thing that stopped you from chasing her down.
âOh my god!â Dina and the others exclaimed as you held your bleeding nose, your head spinning from both the pain and the shock.
It was always like that with Ellieâpetty accidents she could pass off as coincidences, stacking up until they simmered under your skin like a slow burn she seemed determined to keep alive.
Looking back, it was easier to brush off. You were kids, and half the time you thought she just didnât know how to leave you alone.
By ninth grade, everything about you was changing.
You started experimenting with makeup, texting boys you barely knew but secretly liked, and swapping your usual jeans and tees for skirts and tops older girls seemed to pull off effortlessly. Youâd even joined the cheer team, trading afternoons of free time for tumbling practice and memorizing routines.
And Ellie? She wasnât that little rascal who pulled stunts on you anymore. Sheâd joined the basketball team, spending her afternoons shooting hoops with Alex and the others. That was good, you thoughtâsheâd have other things to do than bother you.
Though, on the other hand, it was also bad news. Your ten-year-old baby brother, Lukeâan angel, reallyâseemed to idolize her, and you had no fucking idea why.
âCan you please tell Ellie to come over? She said sheâll teach me how to play,â Luke asked one afternoon, eyes bright with excitement.
âAre you texting Ellie?â you called back, suspicious.
âYesâŠâ he grinned. âShe said sheâd show me a trick she learned.â
âAnd you just believed her?â
âOf course! Sheâs awesome!â
You shook your head. Ellie still managed to worm her way into your life, even through your little brother.
âShouldnât you be on a diet? Like you said yesterday?â she asked once, watching you take a bite of your food. You froze mid-chew, glaring at her. That conversation had been private, just between you and Cat.
âWere you eavesdropping?â you asked, deliberately mean.
She just smirked, clearly waiting for the perfect momentâand picked a fry off your plate before leaving.
You watched her ruffle Lukeâs hair, grab his small basketball, and lead him outside while the rest of the group lingered inside, a usual hangout.
You still couldnât understand what her deal with you was. It wasnât like you ever went looking for her attentionâyou didnât. If anything, you kept your distance, made a point not to orbit anywhere near her. But Ellie? Ellie had a way of making sure you were never too far from hers.
She might not be knocking over your water bottles or tripping you in the halls anymore, but she still found ways to get under your skin. Sheâd turned to wordsâeach one a little poke, a little push, never missing a chance.
Youâd lost count of how many arguments youâd had by now. At some point, the rest of the group just⊠stopped trying. It was normal. If your voices started to rise, someone would sigh, mutter âhere we go again,â and wander off, leaving you two to tear into each other until one of you stormed away.
âEllieâs the older one, she should just apologize,â Dina said once during the ninth grade, when a sleepover devolved into a ridiculous fight about what movie to watch.
âWhat? Just because Iâm older, Iâm the one who has to apologize?â Ellie shot back.
You rolled your eyes, grabbed your bag, and went home that night.
You used to think time would fix it. That one day Ellie would grow out of you.
But two more years passedâand she didnât.
It was early summer before senior year, and the whole group had rented out a beach house for the weekend. The air smelled like salt and sunscreen, and everyone was scattered between the pool and the porch when Chloe brought up the guy you liked.
âHe didnât text you back? Wow. The nerve.â Chloe pointed when you told her he never replied after asking for your number.
You were stretched out on a lounge chair, sipping a fruity drink, watching Dina and Jesse splash water at each other in the pool.
âWho didnât text who back?â Ellieâs voice came from behind you. She walked over, wearing a tank top and board shorts, and grabbed a slice of watermelon from the table.
âHer crush,â Chloe answered.
âReally?â Ellieâs tone was mildly surprised, but when you glanced at her, she looked⊠amused.
âSomething funny?â you asked, raising an eyebrow, your voice flat.
Ellie shrugged. âNothing. Itâs justâgirls shouldnât make the first move. You gotta wait.â
You scoffed, rolling your eyes lazily.
âAnd if he didnât reply, heâs not worth your time. Heâs probably an asshole who only goes for hot girls anyway,â Ellie added, chewing.
Chloe tilted her head, pointing at you. âSo youâre saying sheâs not hot?â
Ellie choked on her food, coughing. You lifted your brows at her.
âHeâs not a player like you, Ellie. Donât compare him to you,â you said.
Ellie scoffed. âMe? A player? Since fucking when?â
You rolled your eyes again, not even wanting to answer that.
âAnd yeah, Iâm definitely not like himâbecause if I were him, I wouldâve texted you back.â
From the pool, Jesse let out an obnoxious, âOoooh!â
âStop it, Jesse. Theyâll fight again,â Dina called over.
âWell, thatâs because youâll settle for anyone. You reply to every girl,â you said, taking another sip.
Ellie leaned forward, irritation flickering in her voice. âWhatâYouâre not just anyone. Iâd reply to you, obviously.â
âOf course, Ellie. But the person weâre talking about is someone I actually like. Not someone⊠like you,â you replied, your tone deliberate.
âWhat the hell does that mean?â Ellie muttered, gesturing with her hand.
Alex, lounging on the chair beside you, laughed. âYou two donât even have each otherâs numbers, so no replyingâs gonna happen.â
You shook your head as everyone laughed, the sound grating in your ears. Ellie muttered something under her breath before pushing herself off the railing and heading back inside the house, irritation written in the tight set of her shoulders.
After that summer, everything started to move too fast.
Senior year felt like a countdown clock. You were suddenly busy all the timeâstaying late for practice, trying to hold the squad together as captain, studying until your eyes burned for college entrance exams. Your world shrank into routines, pressure, and expectations.
There wasnât space for anything else.
It was around November when you and Dina decided to head over to Jesseâs house so the squad could practice there.
As the car pulled into the driveway, you spotted Ellie and Jesse out front, hosing down one of the cars, laughing about something you couldnât hear.
You werenât in a good mood that day. Practice had been rough, the team wasnât improving, and it felt like everything you worked for was slipping through your fingers.
âOh my god, is that Ellie? Sheâs fucking hot,â Jessica said as she leaned forward in her seat.
You turned to her, eyebrows lifting, but she didnât noticeâalready hopping out of the car with the others.
âHi, girls!â Jesse called, flashing a grin.
Some of them giggled.
You climbed out last, juggling your duffel bag, shoes, and pink Stanley tumbler. You were wearing your short skirt, the sleeve of your top hanging off one shoulder.
Ellie watched you for a second too long before her gaze drifted away, unfocused, as she aimed the hose at the ground.
âEllie,â Jesse called, noticing she was still holding it while you walked past.
You shook your head and jogged forwardâuntil freezing water suddenly poured over you.
âOh shit, Dina!â Jesse shouted toward the house.
You gasped, stumbling back, drenched. Your eyes flew to Ellie, who stared at you with a blank, unreadable expression.
âWhat the fuckâŠâ you muttered, dropping your bag. You were about to lunge at her when Dina and Chloe grabbed your arms.
âWhat the hell is your problem?!â you shouted, livid, shaking as cold water dripped down your skin.
âEllie, why did you do that?â Jesse asked, grabbing a towel from Alex.
âArenât you even gonna say sorry to me?!â you yelled, chest heaving.
âDude, say sorry,â Jesse said, shaking his head. âSheâs gonna hate you.â
Ellie finally met your eyes.
She shook her head slowly, her mouth twitching like she found something funny about all of this.
âI mean, whatâs new?â she said, shrugging. âI donât expect her to love me anyway.â
You swear that in that moment, you couldâve slapped her.
All your life, no one had ever made you feel like thisâthis tight, ugly pressure in your chest that only she could bring.
It was past three in the morning on a cold December when you woke from a dream of falling into a black abyss.
Lately, those dreams have been coming more often, and you don't know why.
Your room was quiet, save for the hum of the AC and Dinaâs soft breathing, passed out drunk on your bed, Chloe beside her. Both were breathing softly after the night of celebrating your eighteenth birthday.
Everyone had gone an hour ago, and youâd only managed an hour of sleep.
Your throat burned from the alcohol youâd downed earlier before. You slipped quietly out of your room and padded into the kitchen, gulping water straight from the glass, when muffled voices drifted down from the rooftop that had to be from Jesse and Ellie.
Before going back to bed, you decided to check on them. With every step, their drunken laughter and voices grew louder, until you stopped just behind the door leading to the rooftop.
Ellieâs laugh cut through first, followed by words you couldnât make out.
After what had happened that day, you hadnât seen her muchânot until your birthday yesterday. Dina had mentioned that Ellie was getting serious about getting drafted next year, so sheâd been seriously busy.
Finally, thatâs what you wanted in the first place, right? To finally be left alone?
âI donât know, Jesse. Sheâs blind. She doesnât realize I would do anything for her,â Ellie said, her voice soft, drunken, but surprisingly steady.
Your eyes slowly widened, heart suddenly hammering in your chest.
âMan⊠what? I'm so fuckin' wasted,â Jesse slurred.
You immediately went back to your room, head spinning with thoughts you couldnât untangle. By the time you reached your door, the rooftop voices had faded, replaced by the soft hum of the AC.
You sank into your vanity chair and stared at the little pink package. You hadnât even touched it beforeâdidnât expect to. Ellie? She hadnât given a damn the past couple years, not since your sweet sixteen. And you didnât care either.
But now⊠holding it, looking at it, you werenât so sure anymore.
You untied the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside rested a bracelet, delicate but unmistakably expensive. The metal caught the warm glow of your bedside lamp, and the tiny rock embedded in the center glistened like a shard of sunlight caught in amber.
Your fingers lingered on the bracelet, feeling strange. Because for the first time in years, the hate, the annoyance, the resentment, and everything she made you feelâthey tangled with something else, something sharp and unfamiliar, something you didnât want to name.
You put it back immediately, staring at the ceiling for a moment before forcing yourself under the covers. Sleep wouldnât come easily, but you needed itâyou couldnât let yourself sit with these emotions, not tonight, not ever.
The next morning, you were the only one left in your room. After a quick round of morning routines, you padded downstairs, hearing Dinaâs voice and your little brotherâs giggles in the dining room.
âMorning,â Dina greeted, balancing a forkful of pancakes with a pile of leftovers from last night.
âMorning,â you replied, ruffling your brotherâs messy hair. He was glued to his iPad at the table.
âMorning, baby,â you said, and he gave you a bright smile in return.
Alex was half-asleep, spooning cereal into his mouth, and you glanced around for Chloe.
âSheâll be back later,â Dina said, reading your mind.
You frowned. âJesse and Ellie?â
Dina just gestured toward the living room. Thatâs where you found Ellie, sprawled on the couch in deep sleep, and Jesse sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes glued to the TV while casually snacking.
âDid you two sleep here? I⊠left the guest rooms open last night,â you asked Jesse, your gaze drifting back to Ellie.
âOh yeah, we were too drunk last night,â Jesse said, not taking his eyes off the screen.
Not long after, the house slowly came back to life. One by one, everyone started grabbing their things, making plans for later, reminding each other about the New Yearâs party you were all coming back for that night.
âHappy birthday again, babe. Iâll see you later,â Dina said, pulling you into a tight hug. You smiled and held on a second longer before letting her go.
âI should wake this asshole,â Jesse muttered, glancing at the couch.
He walked over and gave Ellieâs shoulder a rough shake. She groaned, barely moving.
âGet up,â he laughed. âWeâre leaving.â
She didnât respondâso Jesse grabbed her hand and tugged.
It wasnât long before Ellie kicked out blindly, muttering a curse under her breath as Jesse yelped and bolted away, laughing.
âLetâs go!â he called from the doorway.
Ellie rubbed at her eyes, hair a complete mess, blinking like she was still half-dreaming. Then her gaze liftedâand found you.
You were standing there, frozen for a second, just looking at her while she stared back. Her eyes were tired, dark circles faint beneath them, something quiet and unreadable sitting in her expression.
For a moment, you thought about saying something. Anything.
But you didnât.
You turned away instead, heading back toward the dining room, your chest feeling strangely tight as you reached for a glass of water.
Fuckâsince when did you ever feel awkward around her?
You told yourself it was nothing. Just exhaustion. A hangover. The weird weight of staying up too late and hearing things you probably misunderstood. That was all.
You took a long sip, staring at the counter like it could ground you. Youâd dealt with Ellie for years without flinchingâwithout ever caringâso why should this morning be any different?
It wasnât.
Thatâs what you kept telling yourself all morning, and all the way into the eveningâright up until you were standing in the middle of a house party filled with music, bodies, and the sharp smell of cheap alcohol for New Yearâs.
You nearly gagged right there on the sticky floor when you saw it.
Ellie. Kissing someone else.
Dina didnât even realize youâd stopped in your tracks, frozen on the dance floor with your heart hammering against the bass. Your eyes were locked on Ellie, pressed close to some girl in the shadowed corner, her hands resting at the girlâs waist, drunk to the taste of her.
And you stood there, wondering when exactly nothing had started to feel like this.
âBabe, letâs go, theyâre over there,â Dina said, tugging on your hand and pulling you toward the sofa where everyone else had gathered.
You swallowed, forcing your eyes away, letting that heavy pit in your stomach settle deeper.
âBirthday girl!â Jesse shouted as he jumped up and wrapped you in a quick, too-tight hug. You returned it automatically, forcing a smile even though you felt the color drain from your face.
âAre you drunk? We just got here!,â Dina said, sliding beside Chloe, who was already deep in conversation with some guy you didnât recognize.
You sank down next to her, letting the noise blur togetherâlaughter, music, someone shouting from the kitchenâanything but your own thoughts.
âIâm not drunk,â Jesse protested, though the red creeping up his ears told a different story. ââHave you seen Ellie? Where the hell is she? My phone was with her.â
Dina crossed her arms, smirking. âSheâs over there⊠making out with some chick.â
The words hit harder than you expected, even though youâd already seen it with your own two eyes.
Alex, Maxine, and Rafael showed up soon after, Jesse still rambling while Dina kept shutting him down. You stayed quiet, not really wanting to talk.
Someone suggested a card game, and before you knew it, you were all crammed around the table, the lights dimmed, music turned down just enough to hear the arguments.
âI don't want to be paired with Alex, sheâs a rat,â Jesse complained.
âFuck you, dude. You look like a rat,â Alex shot back, flipping him off.
Laughter broke out.
Then a voice cut through it.
âWhat are we playing?â
Ellie.
She stepped into the circle like sheâd always been there, dropping into the seat across from you.
âEllie fucking Williams, yes,â Jesse said, already switching places. âYouâre my partner.â
You hadnât meant to lookâbut you did.
Black graphic tee, worn jeans, her tattoo peeking as her elbows rested on her knees, legs spread casually like she owned the space.
Her eyes flicked to you.
You looked away.
âYouâve got a smudge,â Dina said, tapping her own lips.
Ellie wiped at her mouth, then glanced back at you, like she was trying to catch your eyes again.
You looked away, focusing on the cards in the middle of the table, on anything that wasnât the faint echo of Dinaâs words still ringing in your head.
Time blurred after that. Music thumped through the walls, laughter and shouts bouncing around the room, and the air felt thicker with every passing minute. Someone nudged another, and another, and before you knew it, a ridiculous suggestion floated across the group: Seven Minutes in Heaven.
And of courseâof courseâit was you and Ellie.
You tried to protest, rolling your eyes, but the groupâs chaos swallowed every objection. Chairs scraped across the floor, hands grabbed at your arms, and you were shoved forward, cursing under your breath.
Ellie flipped Jesse off as he gestured, Youâre dead, Williams, and somehow she looked way too thrilled about it. You could only glare at her.
What a fucking joke. Ending the year like this, pressed together with the one person youâd been trying not to look at all night. It was absurd. Humiliating. And exactly the kind of situation she always managed to drag you into.
Your mouth fell open when the door was yanked wide.
It was tiny.
Barely enough room for two people to stand face-to-faceâno space to turn, no space to breathe.
âFuck,â you muttered as someone shoved you inside. Your face collided with hanging coats, fabric brushing your cheeks. A second later Ellie was pushed in behind you, and the door slammed shut.
The sound echoed like a verdict.
You turned.
Her face was right there.
Too close.
Your breath hitched, lungs working harder than they should. You stared at each other for half a second too longâher eyes flicking to your lips before you snapped out of it and shoved her aside.
She stumbled back with a grunt, then laughed under her breath as you hugged the corner, sitting on the floor, knees pulled tight to your chest, trying to shrink into yourself. Your legs pressed against the rough texture of her jeans beside you.
Ellie dropped down across from you, back against the wall, legs stretched out.
âIâm gonna die here, I swear,â you muttered.
Ellie tilted her head, smirking. âRelax, princess. Youâve survived worse than me.â
You shot her a glare. âThis is your fault.â
She scoffed. âReally? Last time I checked, you chose to join the game.â
You narrowed your eyes. âIf I die from suffocating, Iâll haunt you for the rest of your life.â
Ellieâs grin widened. âThatâs hot.â
You rolled your eyes painfully, shaking your head. âDo you know how suffocating this is? I canât breathe, I canâtââ
âYou could breathe if you stopped whining,â she interrupted. âOr you could sit on my lap, whatever you prefer.â
âWhat?!â You exclaimed, scandalized.
Ellie raised her brows, clearly enjoying this. âYou want more space? You know thatâs the only way.â
You let out a dry laugh. âYeah, in your dreams.â
âAlready there,â she said easily.
You shifted as much as the cramped closet allowed, trying to press yourself into the corner, your legs brushing against hers. Every breath felt too loud, every small movement too close.
âMove,â you said, trying to push her legs aside. âYouâre in my space.â
She laughed softly. âThere is no space.â
For a second, neither of you spoke. The music thudded through the door, someone laughing on the other side, the world still going while you were trapped in here with her.
Ellieâs voice dropped. âYou always push me away like that.â
You turned to her, expression mean. âBecause you never leave me alone.â
âYou never tell me to stop.â
You scoffed, shaking your head. âWe both know thatâs not true. Get over yourself, Williams.â
Ellieâs jaw moved as she stared at you, expression unreadable, before she shrugged lazily. âYouâre still here. That definitely says something.â
You laughed bitterly, low and sharp. âSays what? That Iâm stuck with you?â You asked, voice thick with sarcasm.
âMaybe. Or maybe it says you want to be.â
âYouâre aware how I feel about you, Ellie. I donât want anything to do with you.â
Ellie leaned back slightly, arms crossed. âYou could leave if you wanted. If you hate me that much⊠why donât you just go?â Her tone was casual, sarcastic, daring, like she knew exactly how much this got under your skin.
You stayed silent, glaring at her, heart hammering, trying to shove down the confusing heat, the tension, and that familiar anger that had been building in your chest for yearsâat her, at yourself, at everything.
âI donât understand you at all,â you finally said, voice low, trembling slightly despite your effort to stay composed.
You turned to her, expecting some kind of answer, but she stayed silent, her gaze steady, unreadable.
âArenât you even going to answer me?â you demanded, voice rising a fraction.
âWhyâŠâ Your hands clenched in your lap. âWhy are you like this? Itâs been whatâsince we were fourteen? Fifteen? I donât do anything to you, I donât bother you, I barely even talk to you⊠so why? Why do you keep doing this?â
She let out a long, slow sigh, a sigh that seemed to carry years of weight, and finally said, quietly, almost reluctantly:
âThatâs exactly the reason why.â
This was so good
twenty-three. latina. she/her. lesbian.
masterlist | about me | rules | taglist
Too cute not to repost
New theme Iâm sooooo back
Pressed Between Pages. (01)
Pairings: Ellie x Reader
Word Count: 1.7k+
A/N: HELLO!! It's been so long since i've written on this account. I wasn't sure I was ever going to come back and write. I hope y'all like it.
Just for a little bit of context, this story will be told strictly through journal entries. I've never written anything like this, so suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated!.
2036
September 7Â
I made it to Jackson today.Â
I don't think my brain has caught up with my body yet. Everything feels tooâŠnormal. There is structure and safety. People walking like they know where they are going. Smoke comes out of chimneys in straight lines, like the air itself follows rules here.Â
There are actual houses. Not houses that have been ransacked for supplies or houses filled with the infected. It's a real house with families and laughter.
For a long time, I thought survival was quiet, but safety and peace are what really is quiet. Survival is loud and obnoxious.Â
They opened the gates, and for a second, I just stood there like an idiot. Almost afraid that if i moved it would disappear.Â
Someone behind me said, âYou planning to move or just admire the architecture?â They didnt mean it in a mean way. Just practical.
They checked my bag and asked questions. Everyone watches you in a âis she going to break? Is she okay?' kind of way.
The entire day, I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for something to go wrong, but nothing did. I was assigned a room. A real room with a bed, a window, a dresser, and a shelf filled with books. Â
I'm glad to be here.Â
September 8
I met Maria and Tommy today. Maria runs things here. Not loudly or aggressively, shes just firm.Â
She explained patrol rotations, food schedules, work assignments, and expectations. It was the strangest thing listening to someone talk about next week like next week is guaranteed.Â
I dont know what to do with myself here. I still can't believe it.Â
September 9
I made my first friend today. Everyone cheer for me (yayyyy)
Anyway, her name is Dina.
She is like the human personification of a ray of sunshine.Â
I didnât plan for that to happen today. I was standing near the water pump, trying to figure out how long I could pretend to understand what I was doing before someone noticed I was a phony.
She walked right up and said, âYou look like youâre about to fight that pump. It wins most of the time.â
Then she showed me how to angle the handle so it doesnât jerk back and slam your wrist. Which is exactly what it had been doing. Repeatedly. Violently.
She talks like sheâs known you for years, even if she met you thirty seconds ago. Not in an overwhelming way⊠more like she skips the awkward beginning parts of meeting someone and goes straight to the middle.
We ended up walking through town together. She pointed out everything.
Who bakes the best bread. Which dog steals gloves off porches. Where people gather when it snows.
She knows the small details. The kind that means you belong somewhere long enough to notice what changes and what stays the same.
At one point, she asked if I was settling in okay.
I almost said âI think so,â but what came out was âI donât know how to be safe yet.â
She didnât try to fix that. She just nodded and said, âYeah. That part takes a minute.â
Then she bumped her shoulder into mine like it was no big deal.
It felt like something steadying.
I like her, I can tell weâre going to be great friends.Â
September 11
Dina found me again today. I think she does that on purpose.
She dragged me to the mess hall for lunch because, apparently, wandering around alone makes me look âlike a confused, sad, lonely ghost.â Her words. Definitely not mine.
She introduced me to people. So many people. I forgot half their names immediately but no one seemed offended. They just kept talking. Asking where I came from. What I like. What I can do.
No one asked what I lost.
That might be the kindest thing anyoneâs done without realizing it.
Dina sat across from me while we ate and told me stories about winter storms, patrol mishaps, and the time someone tried to raise chickens inside their house âfor emotional support.â
I laughed. Like⊠really laughed.Â
I donât remember the last time that happened.
When we finished eating, she said, âCongrats. You survived your first official Jackson lunch.â
It was my first milestone.
September 14
I walked through town alone this morning. Not because I had to. Just because I wanted to see what everything looks like when youâre not being shown where to look.
There are wind chimes on one porch that sound different depending on how strong the breeze is. Someone carved little shapes into a fence post. Stars, I think. Or flowers. Hard to tell.
People wave when they pass you. Not big gestures. Just small acknowledgments. Like confirming youâre part of the landscape now.
Dina says thatâs how you know youâre settling in. When people stop studying you and start recognizing you.
I think thatâs starting to happen.
She says tomorrow sheâs introducing me to more of her friends.
I said okay and meant it without hesitation.
That feels new.
September 15
Dina introduced me to Ellie today. Ellie Williams.Â
She makes me get butterflies. I know, I know⊠very ridiculous of me. Sheâs pretty. Like distractingly pretty. Her green eyes and her freckles. Â
Sheâs awkward, in a cool, mysterious way. She looks like she has a story to tell.Â
She shook my hand when Dina introduced us. Her grip was warm and firm, but quick, like she didn't want to hold on for too long. Her eyes kept drifting back to Dina while we talked, not ina rude âthis conversation is boring, get me out of hereâ but in a force of habit way.Â
do they have a thing?
Itâs fine, everything is FINE.
I also met Jesse today. He looks so serious at first glance. He looks like the kind of person who knows exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.Â
He made this completely ridiculous comment about how Dina gives âaggressive directionsâ when she walks people through town, and suddenly, he was grinning like a kid who got away with something.
I like him. He feels steady. Safe in that dependable way where you know heâd show up if something went wrong.
But he and Dina⊠yeah. Thereâs definitely something there, too. The way they stand close without realizing it. The way they talk over each other and donât get annoyed.
Their little trio just meshes so well.
Until next time!
Okay yeah, i thought I was done writing, but I cannot stop thinking about her.Â
Is it a little absurd for me to have a crush already?
I mean⊠Iâve been here barely over a week.
I feel ridiculous. Completely, deeply ridiculous.
And yet⊠here we are.
September 20
Okay, just listen, I donât want to sound crazy or delusional, but Ellie complimented my outfit.Â
It was nothing special. Just a plain shirt and worn jeans because I was helping with the horses this morning, and I didn't want to ruin anything nicer. Absurd to think that I have nice clothes now. A month ago, I didn't have anything.Â
Okay, back to my story, I looked a mess, sleeves rolled up unevenly, and my boots were full of mud.
Ellie walked past me, stopped, looked me over for a second, and said âThat color looks good on you.â
EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! WHAT!!
Can you believe that??? I look good in forest green, full of horse shit and dirt.
It was just that stupid, simple sentence that has me all flustered. Thatâs it. That was the whole interaction.Â
But she noticed. Out of everything happening around us, she noticed what I was wearing. She noticed me.
I have replayed the exact tone of her voice in my head at least twelve times since then. Casual. Offhand. Like she didnât think it was a big deal.
Which somehow makes it worse.
Is this love at first sight? Does she like me? Was it just a friendly compliment? Was she just being polite? Do people here just say things like that normally??
God. I need to stop. I sound completely unhinged. This is so bad.
Anyway.
Iâve been spending more time with the trio. Eating with them, helping with small tasks, just⊠existing around them. And it feels easy. Like slipping into a rhythm that was already there waiting for me. Theyâve unofficially adopted me into their friend group.
I think Iâve actually made friends.
Real ones.
That still feels a little unreal to write down.
October 8
After lots of persuasion from Jesse and DinaâŠand Ellie, Maria finally approved my first patrol!!! Yay me.
Really, it was a lot of nagging, begging, and crying from Dina and Ellie. Mostly Dina. Jesse was forced to swear that he would keep me alive and safe.Â
Still, yay me.Â
Ellie volunteered to be my patrol partner. Technically, we were assigned to a group with Jesse and Dina, and Tommy as our supervisor, but Ellie spoke first.
I noticed that. I won't go into the details of my delusional mind, but that mattered to me.Â
She stayed close most of the patrol. She really took charge of teaching me. Showing me what tracks to notice, when to pause and listen instead of moving forward. She explains things simply. No impatience. No talking down to me.Â
I knew most things from being on my own for so long, but she has a keen eye for detail. She reminds me to slow down.Â
Ellie is quiet. Shes the quiet one out of Jesse and Dina. Those who can talk their heads off, but Ellie likes the quiet. Shes never in a rush to fill the silence.
Except with jokes.Â
Shes relentless about her dad jokes. I mean, absolutely relentless. I have never met anyone so passionate about dad jokes.Â
Todayâs Highlight:
âI used to be addicted to soap, but Iâm clean now.â
She delivered it with a completely straight face and then looked at me like she was waiting for an official evaluation of the jokeâs quality.
I laughed anyway. I couldnât help it. Something about the way she waits⊠hopeful but pretending not to be.
Jesse said that was my official test to be part of the trio. I passed.
 (were now the core four -Jesse)
Sheâs just as kind as she seems. Maybe kinder when no one is looking.
I donât know when exactly it happened, but somewhere between the stupid joke and the quiet walk back to town, I realized I didnât feel nervous anymore.
Just warm.
reblog <3
S-S-SUPERNOVA
bring the light of a dying star ë¶ëŹëž ëŽ ì°ìŁŒë„Œ ëŽëŽ, supernova 볎ìŽì§ ìë íìŒëĄ ë€êČ ì ëŽë°ìŽ ëłŒêč? ê°ë„í ëȘšë ê°ë„ì±, 돎í ìì ë넌 ë§ë
synopsis. As NASAâs official Capsule Communicator (CAPCOM), your job entails providing visual guidance cues to the team up in spaceâwhat your jurisdiction did not include, however, was handling the rich asshole-rly of Ellie Williams.
this oneshot includes. capcom!reader x astronaut!ellie, pure fluff + bickering (no smut!!), ellieâs kinda annoying, readers fed up but stays professional, y/n is used a few times, joel mentions, ellie nearly dies, uhhh yeah! donât forget to smile!
word count. 3.7k
âWilliams, you are drifting three degrees starboard. Correct your alignment.â
When you had signed up to eventually achieve the job of your dreams, they took you through rigorous training manualsâfresh out of college. So to say, you flew past them. You were the best at your job; there was no denying that.
What you wished they had a course on, to put it simply: Extremely-Shit-Faced-Astronaut-Handling 101.
Because even though you could complete calculus merely in your head, confirm telemetry with a simple glanceâWilliams somehow always got under your skin.
âWow. No hello?â
âYou are not here to socialize,â you reply evenly. âYou are here to recalibrate the exterior communications array. Focus.â
She sighs dramatically into the mic. âYes maâam,â she says with a tone that you can only imagine to be accompanied with a mocking salute.
By the third week of joint operations, it becomes less of a curiosity and more of a documented phenomenon.
No one says it outright. Mission Control runs on restraint; on swallowed commands and raised brows and the kind of silence that says we are professionals here. But the notice. Of course they do.
Ellie pushes you.
Not Woodward, who runs the night shift with the patience of a saint. Not Anderson, who once misread a diagnostic and got nothing more than a polite correction and a clipped, âCopy that.â Not the rotating Capcoms who trade shifts and stories and the occasional eye-roll when the astronauts get chatty.
Just you.
With everyone else, sheâs textbook. Crisp responses. Clean acknowledgements, a little dry humor from one of her joke bookâs at worst.
With you? Itâs different.
She lingers. She wants to linger.
She asks unnecessary clarifications. Repeating your instructions back to you in tones so exaggerated the border on theatrical.
âConfirm torque at fifteen newton-meters?â sheâll echo, like youâve asked her to derive orbital mechanics from scratch.
You donât rise to it.
You never rise to it.
âConfirmed,â you reply.
Clipped. Clean. Professional.
There is no crack in your tone. No give. No acknowledgment of the faint snickers that occasionally ripple through the back row of consoles when her voice filters through the speakers with that particular lilt.
She calls you by your first name whenever she can wedge it in between protocol.
âAlignment steady, thanks, Y/N.â
âCopy that, Y/N.â
âAnything else for me, Y/N?â
Your jaw tightens every timeâimperceptibly, you hope.
Albeit to her communicational attempts, you only ever call her Williams. Rank. Last name. Regulation.
Except once.
It had been minor. So minor it wouldnât even make the daily summary reportâa small delay in signal relay during a handover between satellites. Routine, expectedâbut sheâd gone quiet longer than anticipated.
You remember the exact sensation: the way your spine had straightened before you consciously decided to move. The way your fingers pressed harder into the edge of the console. The sudden, sharp awareness of the silence humming through the roomâno background chatter, no key taps. Just the low, mechanical breath of Mission Control and the faint hiss of static through the comms.
You leaned forward before you could stop yourself.
âEllie, respond.â
It slipped out instinctively. No rank. No last name. JustâŠ
Ellie.
Silence.
A crackle of static.
Somewhere behind you, a chair creaked.
Your pulse spikedâsudden and traitorousâthudding once, twice, heavy in your throat. In that split second, your brain ran through every scenario itâs trained for: suit breach, comms failure, disorientation, debris strike.
Thenâ
âAw,â she said, voice warm and unmistakably amused. âFirst name basis? Iâm touched.â
The tension didnât release so much as snap.
You straightened immediately, every muscle locking back into place as if someone had hit a reset switch.
âWilliams,â your voice tinged with mockery, ânice of you to join. Report.â
She laughed.
Not a polite exhale. Not a small huff.
A full five seconds of bright, unrestrained laughter that filled the room and bounced off the walls and made at least three people pretend very hard not to be listening.
You kept your eyes forward.
You did not acknowledge the heat creeping up your neck.
You did not acknowledge the way your heart was still hammering from that half-second of fear.
You did not acknowledge the very specific relief that flooded your chest at the sound of her voice.
And you certainly did not think about the way she said your first name after thatâsofter, almost pleased.Â
Not onceâcertainly not at all.
The EVA was not supposed to be dramatic.
High debris probability, yes. The orbital models had flagged an elevated density field in their sectorâresidual fragmentation from a decade-old satellite breakup that still hadnât fully decayed. Increased micrometeorite activity in the corridor, also yes. Solar radiation nominal but trending upward. Suit integrity margins well within tolerance.
But manageable.
Within operational parameters.
The malfunction itself was almost insultingly mundane: a thermal regulator panel along the port truss had begun reporting inconsistent heat rejection valuesânothing catastrophic, but enough to risk long-term stress on the stationâs environmental systems if left unchecked. The replacement procedure was clean. Ninety minutes outside the hull. Remove. Swap. Recalibrate. Verify.
Text-fucking-book.
Ellie volunteered before anyone else could finish scanning the risk assessment.
âBeen itching to stretch my legs,â she said.
A faint ripple moved through the back row of consoles. Someone coughed into their sleeve. You didnât look.
âYou are not stretching,â you replied, eyes fixed on the telemetry cascade streaming down your primary monitor. âYou are replacing a malfunctioning thermal regulator panel.â
There was a soft crackle over the comms as her mic shifted. You pictured her already grinning inside the suit room, half-strapped into the EMU, running through pre-breathe protocols like it was a casual Sunday walk.
âSame difference.â
âIt is not.â
You rotated your chair a few degrees, enough to signal you were done entertaining semantics. âThe panel is compensating at seventeen percent above nominal load. If it fails entirely, the port radiators will overcycle. That is not a leg stretch, Williams.â
A beat.
âAgree to disagree, Houston.â
That earned actual laughter this timeâlow, quickly stifled. Someone behind you muttered, âJesus,â under their breath.
You pressed your lips together and turned your chair slightly away from the sound, hands folding neatly in your lap to keep from drumming against the console.
On the main display, her biometric feed pulsed steady and unbothered. Heart rate slightly elevated â pre-EVA anticipation. Oxygen levels optimal. Suit pressure holding at 4.3 psi. She thrived in this environment. Outside the hull. Suspended in vacuum with nothing but layered polymer and faith between her and oblivion.
Joel had once been like this, theyâd told you.
Back when heâd logged record hours in extravehicular activity. Back before caution settled into him like a second skin. Confident. Efficient. A little too comfortable drifting beyond aluminum and insulation.
Heâd cut retrieval times in half. Improvised a tether fix mid-rotation. Laughed during a minor attitude adjustment burn like it was turbulence on a commercial flight.
But Joel had listened.
When Houston said hold position, he held. When debris probability ticked above acceptable, he aborted. He understood that confidence was useful only when it bent to procedure.
Ellie?
Ellie liked to test gravity.
Even in microgravity.
She liked the extra half-meter drift before correcting her thrusters. The delayed âcopyâ that made your pulse spike just enough to remind you you were still human. The way she pushed at the edges of protocol without ever quite violating it.
On the debris monitor, three tracked fragments blinked amber as they passed within ten kilometers of the stationâs projected path. Safe. For now.
You toggled to her suit cam. The airlock hatch loomed in the frame, white and featureless and final.
âWilliams,â you said, voice back to clipped neutrality, âconfirm pre-EVA checklist complete.â
A pause. Not long. Just long enough.
And somewhere above the planet, Ellie grinnedâalready halfway to the stars.
The airlock cycle begins at 0900 hours.
Not 0859. Not âaround nine.â Exactly 0900. Logged, timestamped, cross-checked against orbital daylight to maximize visibility along the port truss.
On your screen, the internal camera feed shows the outer hatch sealed, the chamber lights stark against the white curvature of her suit. You hear every mechanical shift through the audio channelâthe heavy rotational clunk of locking pins disengaging, the hydraulic sigh as the system transitions to depressurization.
A slow, controlled exhale of atmosphere.
âPressure equalizing,â she reports.
Her voice is steadier outside. Focused. Clear. The teasing edge sanded down by vacuum and checklist discipline. You adjust your headset slightly, as if proximity could sharpen telemetry.
On your monitor, the numbers descend in clean increments. 14.7 psi. 10. 5. 1.
âCopy. Confirm suit integrity.â
You already see itâsuit pressure stable at 4.3 psi, oxygen partial pressure nominal, COâ scrubbers functioning within expected rangeâbut protocol demands verbal confirmation.
âIntegrityâs green. Heart rate slightly elevated because my CAPCOM stresses me out.â
Her biometric feed betrays her. Elevated, yesâbut consistent with pre-EVA exertion. Not stress. Not fear.
âWilliams.â
Thereâs a faint shift of fabric against mic foam.
âKidding.â
âYou will maintain professional communication, no matter how many times we go over this.â
The words land crisp. Measured. The kind designed to leave no space for interpretation.
A pause.
Not the playful kind.
Then, softer: âCopy.â
External pressure reaches vacuum. A green indicator flashes across your console.
The hatch unlocks with a muted mechanical release, and the outer door swings inward on slow, deliberate hinges.
Space hums in the backgroundânot a sound, exactly. There is no sound in vacuum. But through her suitâs systems you hear the persistent undercurrent of survival: the whisper of circulating oxygen, the faint mechanical churn of the pump module, the tiny electrical buzz of life-support regulation.
Beyond her shoulder, Earth curves blue and indifferent.
You guide her hand placements.
âTranslate hand-over-hand along rail alpha,â you instruct, watching the suit cam tilt as her gloved fingers secure around the exterior guide bar. âMaintain three points of contact.â
Her movements are economical. Controlled thrusts from the SAFER unit, boots locking briefly into a restraint before pushing off toward the port truss.
Her tether trails behind herâa thin, white line that matters more than anything else in orbit.
âPrimary tether secure,â she says.
You watch the confirmation light blink active as she clips it to the D-ring along the rail.
âConfirm secondary.â
A procedural redundancy. Two tethers. Two anchors. No assumptions.
A beat.
Long enough for you to notice.
âSecondary secure.â
You donât let yourself exhale. You simply mark it, logging the timestamp with a precise keystroke.
09:07âBoth tethers verified.
âProceed along port truss. Mind debris field at twelve oâclock.â
On the tracking display, three objects glow amber â catalogued fragments moving relative to station velocity. Not immediate threats. But close enough to respect. Their vectors scroll in neat predictive arcs across your screen.
She shifts the suit cam upward.
She whistles low.
âYeah, thatâs⊠thatâs not nothing.â
At her twelve oâclock, sunlight glints off something small and metallic tumbling lazily through the black. A shard no larger than a coin, traveling fast enough to puncture polymer like paper if trajectories intersected.
âStay focused.â
You zoom her camera slightly, overlaying distance metrics.
âYou worried about me?â
There it is again. Not procedure. Not protocol. You donât answer that.
Instead: âYou are drifting.â
Two degrees off truss alignment. Her inertia carrying her subtly starboard, boots no longer perfectly parallel to the rail.
A breath. A correction burst from her thrusters.
She realigns smoothly, re-centering along the truss with irritating competence.
âBossy.â
You ignore that too.
Instead, you watch the numbers.
Velocity relative to station: stable.
Tether tension: nominal.
Heart rate: steadyâŠsomewhat.
The panel replacement goes smoothly at first.
Too smoothly.
Telemetry remains stable. Radiator output dropping back toward nominal levels as she disconnects the damaged unit. No unexpected resistance in the bolts. No thermal fluctuation spikes. Even the debris monitor settles into an unthreatening green sweep.
Youâve learned to distrust smooth.
She moves efficiently; she is good, youâll give her that. Every movement economical. No wasted motion. Her boots lock into the portable foot restraint with clean precision. Her gloved hands maneuver the replacement panel into position as though sheâs done it a hundred times before.
Her spatial awareness is sharpâcompensating for micro-drift before the numbers even reflect it. Adjusting her center of mass instinctively.
She was built for this.
That thought unsettles you.
Because thisâvacuum, risk, isolationâis where she is most herself.
âTorque set,â she says.
You watch the digital readout from her Pistol Grip Tool stabilize.
âConfirm.â
âFifteen newton-meters. Just how you like it.â
Even now.
Even here.
You close your eyes briefly. Just once. A controlled inhale through your nose.
âWilliams.â
âRight. Professional.â
The replacement panel seals flush against the truss. She runs a diagnostic. Thermal exchange begins recalibrating, numbers trending beautifully back into acceptable range.
And thenâ
Thereâs a faint shift in the feed.
A flicker.
A glint of something fast crossing the edge of her helmet cam.
Your eyes snap to the trajectory overlay.
One fragment had been flagged as low probability. A minor vector deviation.
Low probability does not mean zero.
âHold position,â you say immediately.
âIâm stable.â
âHold.â
Your tone brooks nothing.
The fragment is small. No larger than a bolt head. But velocity in orbit turns small into lethal.
It skims the edge of the truss.
Too close.
It clips something.
Not the suit.
The tether.
You see it before she does.
The secondary lineâwhite against blackâjerks violently. Fibers strain.
Then snap.
Her body jolts with the recoil.
ââwhat was that?â
Her camera lurches.
âWilliams, report.â
âIâmââ
The primary tether strains under sudden redistributed force.
On your screen, the tension metric spikes red.
âCheck your primary connection.â
âItâs fineââ
It isnât.
You see the anchor pointâthe one she secured earlier, the one she attached with that half-second of casual confidenceâshift under load.
Metal groans. The vibration carries faintly through her suit mic.
Then releases.
And she is no longer attached to anything.
Silence.
Not real silenceâher breathing fills your headset, rapid and suddenly unsteadyâbut the kind that hollows out your chest and compresses your lungs until oxygen feels optional.
Her body begins to drift.
Slow at first.
Then faster.
Mission Control erupts behind youâchairs scraping, overlapping voices, someone already calculating intercept vectorsâbut it sounds distant. Muffled. Like youâre underwater.
You donât hear them.
You only see the numbers.
Distance: increasing.
Relative velocity: climbing.
âWilliams,â you say.
No answer.
Her breathing quickens, sharp inhales fogging the inside edge of her visor.
âEllie.â
The room stills.
Her head jerks toward the camera.
âIâ Iâm spinning.â
Her horizon line tilts sickeningly. Earth and black sky trading places.
âEngage manual thrusters. Short bursts. Do not overcorrect.â
âI know how thrusters work.â
Her voice cracks on the last word.
You swallow.
âListen to me.â
The words are sharper now. Not cold.
Urgent.
âBreathe in. Slow. You are not out of control.â
She is drifting further. The station shrinking in the corner of the frame.
Fuel reserves: limited.
One wrong burst and sheâll tumble into a rotational axis that will eat through propellant correcting itself.
âIâve got you,â you say, before you can stop yourself.
The confession slips between protocol lines.
It does not belong there.
Her breathing stutters.
âFocus.â
Another fragment sails past her visor.
Too close.
Too many.
âLeft thruster. Two-second pulse.â
She obeys.
For the first time since you met her, she obeys instantly.
No quip. No resistance.
A controlled burst fires. Her rotation slows incrementally. The numbers reflect itâangular velocity decreasing by fractions.
She corrects slightly.
Spin slows.
âGood,â you murmur. âGood. Stay with me.â
Not clinical.
Not procedural.
She exhales shakily. âDonâtâ donât go quiet.â
âIâm here.â
You are. Entirely.
Another pulse. The station grows larger in frame. Fuel percentage ticks down with merciless precision.
âYou will not let go,â you say.
âIâm trying.â
âI know.â
You have never sounded like this.
Not in simulations. Not in training. Not in the weeks sheâs spent needling at your composure.
Everybody hears it.
Woodward. Anderson. The flight director standing frozen two rows back.
You donât care.
She aligns with the emergency retrieval arm extending from the trussâa slender mechanical lifeline reaching into vacuum.
She misses by inches.
Your heart stops.
âAgain,â you say, voice thin despite your effort to steady it.
âFuelâsââ
âI know. Again.â
Final burst.
The thruster fires.
The arm catches her suit latch with a metallic snap that reverberates through her mic. The jolt rattles her body. The feed shudders.
Thenâ
Stability.
Distance: zero.
Relative velocity: zero.
Tether: secured by mechanical clamp.
You donât realize youâve been holding your breath until your lungs burn.
Behind you, Mission Control releases in staggered exhales. Someone laughs onceâ hysterical, disbelievingâbefore cutting themselves off.
On your screen, her heart rate begins to descend from its violent spike.
She laughs weakly, breathless and shaky and alive.
âGuess youâre stuck with me.â
Your eyes close.
For half a second, you let yourself feel it.
The image that had flashedâunbiddenâacross your mind when the tether snapped. The report you would have had to file. The call to her family, Joel, who had once undergone a similar accident. The sterile language: loss of crew member during EVA. Contributing factors under investigation.
You had seen it all.
You had already begun compartmentalizing it.
And it had nearly broken you.
You open your eyes before anyone can read that on your face.
âCopy,â you say, perfectly even. Perfectly composed. âWelcome back to structure.â
Your voice is steady.
Professional.
Controlled.
No one would know that your hands are trembling beneath the console.
No one would know that for thirteen secondsâthirteen catastrophic, endless secondsâyou were not thinking like CAPCOM.
You were thinking like someone who could not lose her.
So you do what you do best.
You straighten the stack of printed procedures beside your monitor.
You log the incident in calm, clinical terms.
You thank recovery operations for swift deployment.
You do not turn around when someone behind you says, quietly, âNice save.â
You do not acknowledge the way your pulse still hasnât settled.
And when her comm crackles againâsofter now, tethered and being reeled inâyou answer her as you always do.
Clipped.
Clean.
âWilliams, prepare for airlock ingress.â
As if your voice hadnât fractured around her name only minutes before.
The debrief is scheduled immediately.
Protocol demands it. EVA anomaly. Tether failure. Near-loss incident. The report will be archived, analyzed, dissected in simulation briefings for years.
You are supposed to sound composed.
Objective.
You are not sure you are capable of either.
Mission Control has thinned out behind you, but not completely. A few key personnel remainâflight director, systems, safety. Pens poised. Screens glowing. Everyone pretending this is routine.
The comm line opens. Thereâs a faint echo delay between you nowâsignal bouncing from ground to station and back again. Sheâs inside the station. Suit removed. Cooling down. Oxygen normalizing. Heart rate nearly baseline.
Alive.
âCAPCOM,â she says.
No teasing.
Just the word.
It lands differently.
âWilliams.â You look down at the procedural checklist in front of you. Black text. Clinical language. You cling to it. âWalk me through the moment of tether failure.â
She exhales slowly. You can hear the fatigue in it now. Adrenalineâs aftershock.
âI didnât double-check the anchor. I thought it was stable.â
Around you, pens move.
âYou were instructed to verify secondary tension.â
âI know.â
Her voice is quieter than youâve ever heard it. No deflection. No sharp edge.
âI know.â
You swallow before the next line.
âWhy did you dismiss the warning?â
There are a dozen acceptable answers she could give. Debris distraction. Task saturation. Visual obstruction.
Instead, a pause. Then, honest:
âBecause I thought I had it.â
That hits harder than defiance ever did.
You lean back slowly in your chair, the vinyl creaking under the shift in your weight.
âYou do not get to assume out there.â
âI figured that out.â
Static hums between you. The kind that fills space when thereâs nothing left to hide behind.
Then:
âYou said my name,â she says.
Not accusing.
Not teasing.
Just⊠noting it.
You stare at the console, at your own reflection faint in the darkened edge of the screen.
âThis is a formal debrief.â
âYeah. I know.â
Another beat.
âYou sounded scared.â
The room behind you pretends not to listen. Someone clears their throat. Someone else studies a monitor that hasnât changed in minutes.
You choose your words carefully. You reach for procedure.
âYou compromised mission safety.â
âThatâs not what I meant.â
You inhale.
The headset suddenly feels too tight against your ears. Too intimate.
âYou scared me.â
The admission is soft. Unpolished. Real.
It bypasses every safeguard youâve spent weeks maintaining.
On the other end of the planetâabove it, technicallyâEllie goes quiet.
âYou donât scare easy,â she says finally.
âNo.â
Itâs not bravado. Itâs fact.
You let the silence settle this time. You donât rush to fill it. The station hum bleeds faintly through her mic. Earth turning beneath her. You grounded to a chair thousands of miles away.
She speaks first.
âWhen you said âstay with meâ⊠I thoughtââ
She cuts herself off.
âWhat?â you ask.
âI thought if I didnât⊠if I didnât make it back, thatâd be the last thing you ever said to me.â
Your chest tightens with a force that feels suspiciously like delayed terror.
âI would have kept talking,â you reply before you can filter it.
You would have filled the silence.
You would have refused to let it end that way.
âEven if I was gone?â
âYes.â
The word leaves no room for doubt.
Across the vacuum, her breath shudders.
âDonât do that again,â you say quietly.
âDrift off into space?â
âTake unnecessary risks.â
A pause.
âOkay.â
No sarcasm.
Just okay.
Something settles inside you at that. Not relief. Not yet.
But something steadier.
You soften despite yourself.
âYou are not replaceable, Williams.â
Thereâs a long exhale on the other end. The kind that carries weight.
The comm crackles faintly.
Then, almost back to herselfâalmost:
âYou gonna call me Ellie more often now?â
You almost smile.
Almost.
âDebrief concluded,â you say.
Itâs the safest answer you have.
âCAPCOM?â
âYes?â
âDonât get used to bossing me around like that.â
A beat.
âOutside the airlock, I mean.â
Click.
a/n. ts lowkey buns and ellie is insanely ooc so im sorry for that - itâs a sort of placeholder to get used to this app so i can actually post my main project chasing aphelion
thank you for reading nonetheless đ«¶đ«¶
Pressed Between Pages. (01)
Pairings: Ellie x Reader
Word Count: 1.7k+
A/N: HELLO!! It's been so long since i've written on this account. I wasn't sure I was ever going to come back and write. I hope y'all like it.
Just for a little bit of context, this story will be told strictly through journal entries. I've never written anything like this, so suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated!.
2036
September 7Â
I made it to Jackson today.Â
I don't think my brain has caught up with my body yet. Everything feels tooâŠnormal. There is structure and safety. People walking like they know where they are going. Smoke comes out of chimneys in straight lines, like the air itself follows rules here.Â
There are actual houses. Not houses that have been ransacked for supplies or houses filled with the infected. It's a real house with families and laughter.
For a long time, I thought survival was quiet, but safety and peace are what really is quiet. Survival is loud and obnoxious.Â
They opened the gates, and for a second, I just stood there like an idiot. Almost afraid that if i moved it would disappear.Â
Someone behind me said, âYou planning to move or just admire the architecture?â They didnt mean it in a mean way. Just practical.
They checked my bag and asked questions. Everyone watches you in a âis she going to break? Is she okay?' kind of way.
The entire day, I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for something to go wrong, but nothing did. I was assigned a room. A real room with a bed, a window, a dresser, and a shelf filled with books. Â
I'm glad to be here.Â
September 8
I met Maria and Tommy today. Maria runs things here. Not loudly or aggressively, shes just firm.Â
She explained patrol rotations, food schedules, work assignments, and expectations. It was the strangest thing listening to someone talk about next week like next week is guaranteed.Â
I dont know what to do with myself here. I still can't believe it.Â
September 9
I made my first friend today. Everyone cheer for me (yayyyy)
Anyway, her name is Dina.
She is like the human personification of a ray of sunshine.Â
I didnât plan for that to happen today. I was standing near the water pump, trying to figure out how long I could pretend to understand what I was doing before someone noticed I was a phony.
She walked right up and said, âYou look like youâre about to fight that pump. It wins most of the time.â
Then she showed me how to angle the handle so it doesnât jerk back and slam your wrist. Which is exactly what it had been doing. Repeatedly. Violently.
She talks like sheâs known you for years, even if she met you thirty seconds ago. Not in an overwhelming way⊠more like she skips the awkward beginning parts of meeting someone and goes straight to the middle.
We ended up walking through town together. She pointed out everything.
Who bakes the best bread. Which dog steals gloves off porches. Where people gather when it snows.
She knows the small details. The kind that means you belong somewhere long enough to notice what changes and what stays the same.
At one point, she asked if I was settling in okay.
I almost said âI think so,â but what came out was âI donât know how to be safe yet.â
She didnât try to fix that. She just nodded and said, âYeah. That part takes a minute.â
Then she bumped her shoulder into mine like it was no big deal.
It felt like something steadying.
I like her, I can tell weâre going to be great friends.Â
September 11
Dina found me again today. I think she does that on purpose.
She dragged me to the mess hall for lunch because, apparently, wandering around alone makes me look âlike a confused, sad, lonely ghost.â Her words. Definitely not mine.
She introduced me to people. So many people. I forgot half their names immediately but no one seemed offended. They just kept talking. Asking where I came from. What I like. What I can do.
No one asked what I lost.
That might be the kindest thing anyoneâs done without realizing it.
Dina sat across from me while we ate and told me stories about winter storms, patrol mishaps, and the time someone tried to raise chickens inside their house âfor emotional support.â
I laughed. Like⊠really laughed.Â
I donât remember the last time that happened.
When we finished eating, she said, âCongrats. You survived your first official Jackson lunch.â
It was my first milestone.
September 14
I walked through town alone this morning. Not because I had to. Just because I wanted to see what everything looks like when youâre not being shown where to look.
There are wind chimes on one porch that sound different depending on how strong the breeze is. Someone carved little shapes into a fence post. Stars, I think. Or flowers. Hard to tell.
People wave when they pass you. Not big gestures. Just small acknowledgments. Like confirming youâre part of the landscape now.
Dina says thatâs how you know youâre settling in. When people stop studying you and start recognizing you.
I think thatâs starting to happen.
She says tomorrow sheâs introducing me to more of her friends.
I said okay and meant it without hesitation.
That feels new.
September 15
Dina introduced me to Ellie today. Ellie Williams.Â
She makes me get butterflies. I know, I know⊠very ridiculous of me. Sheâs pretty. Like distractingly pretty. Her green eyes and her freckles. Â
Sheâs awkward, in a cool, mysterious way. She looks like she has a story to tell.Â
She shook my hand when Dina introduced us. Her grip was warm and firm, but quick, like she didn't want to hold on for too long. Her eyes kept drifting back to Dina while we talked, not ina rude âthis conversation is boring, get me out of hereâ but in a force of habit way.Â
do they have a thing?
Itâs fine, everything is FINE.
I also met Jesse today. He looks so serious at first glance. He looks like the kind of person who knows exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.Â
He made this completely ridiculous comment about how Dina gives âaggressive directionsâ when she walks people through town, and suddenly, he was grinning like a kid who got away with something.
I like him. He feels steady. Safe in that dependable way where you know heâd show up if something went wrong.
But he and Dina⊠yeah. Thereâs definitely something there, too. The way they stand close without realizing it. The way they talk over each other and donât get annoyed.
Their little trio just meshes so well.
Until next time!
Okay yeah, i thought I was done writing, but I cannot stop thinking about her.Â
Is it a little absurd for me to have a crush already?
I mean⊠Iâve been here barely over a week.
I feel ridiculous. Completely, deeply ridiculous.
And yet⊠here we are.
September 20
Okay, just listen, I donât want to sound crazy or delusional, but Ellie complimented my outfit.Â
It was nothing special. Just a plain shirt and worn jeans because I was helping with the horses this morning, and I didn't want to ruin anything nicer. Absurd to think that I have nice clothes now. A month ago, I didn't have anything.Â
Okay, back to my story, I looked a mess, sleeves rolled up unevenly, and my boots were full of mud.
Ellie walked past me, stopped, looked me over for a second, and said âThat color looks good on you.â
EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! WHAT!!
Can you believe that??? I look good in forest green, full of horse shit and dirt.
It was just that stupid, simple sentence that has me all flustered. Thatâs it. That was the whole interaction.Â
But she noticed. Out of everything happening around us, she noticed what I was wearing. She noticed me.
I have replayed the exact tone of her voice in my head at least twelve times since then. Casual. Offhand. Like she didnât think it was a big deal.
Which somehow makes it worse.
Is this love at first sight? Does she like me? Was it just a friendly compliment? Was she just being polite? Do people here just say things like that normally??
God. I need to stop. I sound completely unhinged. This is so bad.
Anyway.
Iâve been spending more time with the trio. Eating with them, helping with small tasks, just⊠existing around them. And it feels easy. Like slipping into a rhythm that was already there waiting for me. Theyâve unofficially adopted me into their friend group.
I think Iâve actually made friends.
Real ones.
That still feels a little unreal to write down.
October 8
After lots of persuasion from Jesse and DinaâŠand Ellie, Maria finally approved my first patrol!!! Yay me.
Really, it was a lot of nagging, begging, and crying from Dina and Ellie. Mostly Dina. Jesse was forced to swear that he would keep me alive and safe.Â
Still, yay me.Â
Ellie volunteered to be my patrol partner. Technically, we were assigned to a group with Jesse and Dina, and Tommy as our supervisor, but Ellie spoke first.
I noticed that. I won't go into the details of my delusional mind, but that mattered to me.Â
She stayed close most of the patrol. She really took charge of teaching me. Showing me what tracks to notice, when to pause and listen instead of moving forward. She explains things simply. No impatience. No talking down to me.Â
I knew most things from being on my own for so long, but she has a keen eye for detail. She reminds me to slow down.Â
Ellie is quiet. Shes the quiet one out of Jesse and Dina. Those who can talk their heads off, but Ellie likes the quiet. Shes never in a rush to fill the silence.
Except with jokes.Â
Shes relentless about her dad jokes. I mean, absolutely relentless. I have never met anyone so passionate about dad jokes.Â
Todayâs Highlight:
âI used to be addicted to soap, but Iâm clean now.â
She delivered it with a completely straight face and then looked at me like she was waiting for an official evaluation of the jokeâs quality.
I laughed anyway. I couldnât help it. Something about the way she waits⊠hopeful but pretending not to be.
Jesse said that was my official test to be part of the trio. I passed.
 (were now the core four -Jesse)
Sheâs just as kind as she seems. Maybe kinder when no one is looking.
I donât know when exactly it happened, but somewhere between the stupid joke and the quiet walk back to town, I realized I didnât feel nervous anymore.
Just warm.
Heyyyyyy..... yall remember me?
anyways, I posted Something Worth Fighting For on Ao3. Go check it out, it has been heavily edited. okay love yall <3
https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxtheplanet
