Manifest Toe

A guide to recognizing the lower digits.

[joeboettcher]

My Top 6 Lost Season Finales of All Time!

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!

6. Season 2 - “Live Together, Die Alone”

It’s hard to say this was the worst of the Lost finales because I love every single episode of Lost like it’s one of my children (with “Expose” being the black sheep, of course). Nevertheless, this one ranks lowest because it just wasn’t as memorable as the other ones.

Still, it does have a lot of excellent moments, like (SPOILERS) Hurley thinking that bird said his name and (SPOILERS) finding out that Desmond didn’t kill himself because he heard Locke banging on the hatch door and, of course, (SPOILERS) those weird scientist dudes who called Penny after the hatch exploded. Who were those dudes?

Overall, I’d give this episode the score I give every Lost episode, besides “Expose,” which is a perfect 10/10.

5. Season 5 - “The Incident”

This one is only ranked this low because it felt like I had to watch Juliette die like a hundred more times after it aired as I waited like a year for season six to premiere (oh, whoops, SPOILERS! Sorry). 

Score: 10/10

4. Season 6 - “The End”

I don’t care what you say! I love this episode, and it’s epic, and it made me cry okay! (NO SPOILERS)

Score: 10/10

3. Season 1 - “Exodus”

Aw yeah! The OG finale. This one showed me just how awesome Lost season finales can be! It had so many cool twists and turns, like (SPOILERS) “OH MY GOSH, THE NUMBERS ARE ON THE SIDE OF THE HATCH! and (SPOILERS) “OH MY GOSH, THE OTHERS GOT WALT!” and (SPOILERS) “OH MY GOSH, THERE’S A FREAKING LADDER IN THE HATCH?!?” All grade-A stuff.

Score: 10/10

2. Season 3 - “Through the Looking Glass”

Two words: Flash forward. (SORRY, THAT WAS A BIG SPOILER.)

1. Season 4 - “There’s No Place Like Home”

If I remember correctly, this finale was like eight hours long, which is awesome. It also is the only finale on this list to feature Martin Keamy, who might just be my favorite side character. Sure he dies in this episode (SPOILER), and his death causes the freighter to blow up (SPOILER), which somehow kills everyone on the boat except Jin (MAJOR SPOILER), but he was still a cool dude. I also liked his pal, Omar.

Score: 10/10

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

Check out my good friend’s new vlog! He is a medical professional with a unique perspective on the world of modern medicine.

You can find more of his vlogs here.

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

The Backstory Behind My Halloween Costume

This year for Halloween I went as Dr. Football Helmet. Here’s a picture:

Dr. Football Helmet is not a real character. I made him up. It was just an excuse to wear an old football helmet that I found in my closet. As you can probably tell from the picture, the helmet was not made for my 25-year-old head, but for the head of a ten-year-old, which was likely how old I was when I wore it as part of my Chicago Bears Halloween costume. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have worn it for my costume this year because it squeezed my head and made me terribly sweaty. Still, I committed to the bit and wore it throughout an entire Halloween party. So I’m proud of myself even though I probably shouldn't be. 

Here are some facts about this made up character of mine:

Name: Dr. Feiutbol E. Helmut* (I know I spelled it normally before, but this is how I'd like it to be spelled officially)

Age: 43

Date of Birth: June 4, 43 years ago (too lazy to do the math)

Sex: No thanks. No, but seriously, he doesn't like sex.

Gender: Male

Marital status: Single and not ready to mingle because he vehemently despises sex

Medical degree: None officially (he was kicked out of medical school for suggesting that all modern medicine is bogus and that everyone should just wear football helmets to remain healthy)

The justification he gives for his medical philosophy: He's worn a football helmet for almost his entire life and has never gotten sick or injured (besides the one time he got pneumonia for two weeks.)

Here’s the full transcript of his thesis paper that got him kicked out of medical school: “Everyone should wear football helmets. The End.”

Did he actually put the phrase “The End” at the end of his thesis?: Yes, he did. He’d never written an academic paper before and wasn’t sure how he should end it, so he just did what seemed right at the time. In retrospect, he realizes it probably wasn’t the right tone for an academic article. Nevertheless, he stands by the profound statement he made in the first sentence of the piece.

Will he write you a prescription?: Yes. Even though he’s not technically a licensed physician, he still walks around with a notepad at the ready.

The only prescription he ever writes for all of his patients: “Wear a football helmet.”

Is he insane or something?: No. He’s just a man who stands by his convictions?

Why does he have a medal around his neck?: It’s a place-holder for the medal he’s sure he will receive one day for his invaluable contributions to the medical field.

THE END

-Joe

*The E. stands for Endzone. His middle name is Endzone. Get it?

[joeboettcher]

A letter to my friend Craig, in which I subtly hint at the fact that I’d really like to pick his nose

Dear Craig,

Greetings from San Francisco! Although we’ve only been here a week, Janice, the kids, and I have already taken to calling this our home away from home. Of course, nothing could replace being back with you guys. We miss you and Brenda and your nose so much! Can’t wait to see you and your nostrils again next weekend.

But I gotta tell ya, Craigy boy, this place has everything: scenic attractions, beautiful weather, beautiful landscapes, exciting nightlife. Oh, and the ocean! Don’t even get me started on the ocean. It’s so dang big! I just wish you could see it and your nose could take in that salty sea air. The picture on the back of this postcard doesn’t even do it justice. And those waves! They just keep coming, don’t they! The kids just loved swimming in them. And I love the sand between my toes. Infinite tiny granules stretching far as the eye can see down the shore line--I told Janice that they kind of remind me of thousands of little boogers, and she told me to stop being gross. 

You’ll never guess where we went yesterday. Alcatraz! What an old prison that is. Smelled pretty musty, I must say. If you had been there, you probably would have wanted to plug your nose, and I would have happily plugged it for you If you'd had your hands full or something. I’m sure I breathed in a lot of mold and mildew. Oh well. 

It was also pretty spooky. I think even my nose hairs stood on end as I walked by some of those old cell blocks. Imagining all of the criminals that once spent their days wasting away in those cells was just crazy. I wonder what they spent their time doing. Maybe they picked each others’ brains. Yeah, picked each others’ brains about what freedom must be like. That’s what I was going to say. I wonder if they did that and nothing else. 

Well, I hate to cut this letter short, but the kids are getting antsy. We’re planning on driving across the Golden Gate Bridge in a convertible like in the Full House theme song tonight, and they just can’t wait! 

Hope you and Brenda are healthy and well. The last thing I’d want is for you to be having any strange health issues. For example, and I know this is an unusual example, but if you were to experience a blockage in your nasal passage because of an overabundance of boogers, then I would not hesitate to end this vacation right away so that I could rush home and be for you in your time of need. You just say the word, bud, and I’ll be there in an instant to do whatever it takes to help. Heck, I’d even shove my finger right up there and pry those dang boogers out if for some reason you weren’t able to do it yourself. Heck, I'd even do it if you didn't ask me to do it. That's how much I care! Anything for my best friend and his unusually large nostrils. 

But this is all hypothetical of course. I’m sure your nose is doing fine. And I can’t wait to see your nose first thing when we get home. 

Your Nose,

Joe

P.S. Are there any souvenirs you’d like me to get for you while we’re here? Snow globes? T-shirts? I've heard that San Fran has the best nasal strips. They open nostrils wider than ever before! It really is remarkable. Just let me know how many packs you want me to pick up for you. I'm pretty sure they sell them at fifteen strips a box. I'd be happy to show you how to put them on too if you've never used them before. It's pretty straightforward, but if you'd rather I just put it on your nose for you, that's fine too. I'd be more than glad to help. 

[joeboettcher]

My Top 52 Weird Al Songs of All Time! – Joe Boettcher – Medium

“He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.” -Homer Simpson

[joeboettcher]

Thoughts on Satellite Dishes

Isn’t it weird that for the longest time it was fashionable to put dishes on our roofs? I say it was fashionable because I don’t think it is fashionable anymore. What with so many people “cutting the cord” and giving in to the almighty Netflix monster, who has time to think about dishes on roofs these days? 

But seriously, we put dishes on our roofs, and to what end? So we could get 10000000000+ channels, 999999996 of which we never actually watched? And of the four we actually watched, three of them mostly just played the same six movies on rotation every day. And of those six films, five of them were just dumb crime thrillers that we saw once in the theatre and really had no interest in watching again. Because who re-watches crime thrillers? In fact, unless it’s directed by Christopher Nolan or M. Night Shyamalan (i.e., it has a mind blowing twist), why would you ever want to watch a modern crime drama film for the second time? They’re all kind of the same, aren’t they?

Alright, alright. I realize I’m speaking writing in generalities at this point, which is a dangerous thing to do because it puts me at risk of offending some people. So instead of going down that rabbit hole, I’m going to shift my focus to something much more specific. Hopefully, this won’t offend you:

I was looking at a satellite dish the other day when I realized something profound: That thing’s communicating with something in space! SPACE! The final frontier! We’ve made it! THERE ARE NO MORE FRONTIERS TO CONQUER NOW THAT OUR ROOF DISHES CAN COMMUNICATE WITH SPACE SHIPS!!! 

This begged the question, why is it not a bigger deal to people that those stupid dishes, which we used to flaunt so foolishly on the roofs of our homes, could actually communicate with hunks of metal floating thousands of miles above our heads? As soon as I posed this query to myself, my cynical brain responded with a characteristically pessimistic answer: “Who cares?” 

“WHO CARES?!?!?” I shouted. “I CARE!” 

Then I quickly realized that I had just loudly shouted at my own inner monologue. So I sheepishly apologized to those around me and fled from the science museum in a haze of embarrassment.

Later that night, after mulling over the events of that afternoon for a good half hour, I came to the startling conclusion that wondering about satellites was bad for my social life. It only made me do things I would later regret, such as making a scene in front of a group of first graders on a field trip. 

So I decided, for the sake of my still somewhat stable social standing, I would stop thinking about satellites entirely and instead watch Netflix.*

-Joe

*Of course, I should mention that I did have to resume thinking about satellites for a moment to write this blog post. But now that this post is done, the subject shall never broach the confines of my cranium again. Coincidentally, I would like to apologize to anyone who walked by me while writing this and overheard me muttering to myself about how ridiculous it is that people weren’t as amazed by satellites as they should have been. I mean, they communicated with SPACE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! SPACE!!!

Sorry again. 

[joeboettcher]

My Game of Thrones Review*

Throne-heads rejoice! Season 7 of our beloved Game of Thrones has finally premiered! After much anticipation and speculation, we finally got to see what happened to Johnny Snow and the gang after last season’s devastating cliffhanger. And boy has this season been a doozy so far! There have been dragons and fire and costumes and gratuitous amounts of violence and nudity and surprising reveals and a whole lot of deaths and even a few laughs here and there. In short, it’s been a smorgasbord of fantasticalness, a fantasy lover's dream. And that type of thing might work for some people, but it just didn’t work for me.

That’s right. I didn’t like it.

Here’s the thing: As I watched the show last Sunday, I found myself growing increasingly nauseated by what was happening on screen. The story was confusing and all of the characters seemed very dirty and miserable most of the time (aside from the few moments of levity I mentioned above). Eventually, in the midst of my viewing, I found myself mumbling aloud the lyrics to the opening theme from the classic TV sitcom Full House. “Whatever happened to predictability?” I mumbled to myself. Oh, how I longed for the milkman, the paperboy, and good old fashioned evening TV as my eyes stared aghast at the violence and vitriol spewing from my screen. It just didn’t seem like the same show anymore!

Yes, sadly, this season of Thrones so far has underwhelmed me, to say the least. I don’t like the dragons or the fancy costumes or the fact that Joey, Chandler, Phoebe, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are seemingly nowhere to be found! It all adds up to one big profound disappointment.

Final Score: Half a Star

-Joe

*Editor’s Note: The author of this review hasn’t actually ever seen an episode of Game of Thrones. He only made it seem like he’d seen the show out of a misguided attempt to be popular and fit in with the “cool kids” whose moms let them watch HBO. We at Manifest Toe would apologize for this author’s immaturity and promise that he will receive a stern talking to from his father tonight when he gets home from work.

[joeboettcher]

Case Study: Complete Roof Installation Failure in Gilbert, NE

Brian Dennis Roofing recently received a call from a Mr. Gordon G. of Gilbert, Nebraska complaining that his roof had been installed perfectly on the first try by one of our competitors, who shall remain nameless. (Let’s just call them the Poor Man’s Brian Dennis Roofing for the purposes of this case study.) Mr. Gordon G. told Brian Dennis that he had given explicit instructions to the Poor Man’s Brian Dennis, telling them to install it imperfectly the first time so that he would have an excuse to call them back again and complain about it until he was blue in the face. Because it was installed perfectly on the first try, though, Mr. Gordon G. was left with nothing to complain about, and the satisfaction was killing him. 

Because we at Brian Dennis Roofing are extremely dedicated to customer satisfaction--or dissatisfaction, in this case--we could not let Mr. Gordon G.’s satisfaction rest without doing something to irk the bejeebers out of him and give him the proper reason to complain that he so fervently desired. So we had two of our least-skilled craftsmen chug a few jagermeisters, handed them a couple sledgehammers, and told them to just go to town on Mr. Gordon G.’s pristine new roof. Once the Poor Man’s Brian Dennis Roofing’s work was completely undone, Brian Dennis Roofing swept in to provide Mr. Gordon G. with the shoddy craftsmanship he so desperately desired.

Mr. Gordon G’s less than stellar new roof now features not one but fifteen overdriven nails, twenty instances of bent or damaged flashing, and a mix of two different types of shingles, whose colors don’t exactly clash, but their appearance is enough to make one feel slightly nauseous without exactly knowing why. In short, it’s one of the worst roofing jobs we’ve ever done, and we couldn’t be more proud of it!

Mr. Gordon G. was so thrilled with the overall atrociousness of his new roofing job that he not only called us up to complain for a solid 45 minutes, but on top of that, he also paid our office a visit and took a steaming hot dump right on our front porch--a sure sign of a job poorly done!

Need your annoyingly perfect roofing job undone and then redone in a much shoddier manner? Give Brian Dennis Roofing a call at 1-555-555-555-555-555-555-555-555-55555 to schedule your free* estimate today!

*Estimate actually costs $5.99 plus tax and tip.

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

It’s been a while, but Actor Talk with Michael, Morgan, and Al has finally returned with another episode. This week the guys talk about the acting topic of improvisation. 

You can download a free copy of the episode here, if you’d like.

Thanks for listening!

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

Baywatch

Zac Efron: I'm buff!

The Rock: I'm buff too!

Zac Efron: Look at Alexandria. She's very fit as well.

The Rock: I guess so.

Alexandra Daddario: Did I hear my name?

Zac Efron: HECK NO!

The Rock: NO WAY! EW!

Zac Efron: WE WOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT YOU, YOU GIRL? WE NEVER TALK ABOUT GIRLS!

The Rock: SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU GIVE US COOTIES!

Alexandra Daddario: Okay, sorry! I just thought I heard my name, that's all.

Zac Efron: WELL YOU'RE CLEARLY MISTAKEN, SO LEAVE!

Alexandra Daddario: Fine. Bye!

Zac Efron: Is she gone, Rock?

The Rock: I think so, Zac.

Zac Efron: Good... Rock, can I tell you a secret?

The Rock: Sure, Zac. You can tell me anything.

Zac Efron: And you promise this'll just stay between the two of us?

The Rock: Cross my heart and hope to die.

Zac Efron: Pinkie promise?

The Rock: I'll do you one better: I swear on my dead father's grave that this will stay just between the two of us forever and ever amen.

Zac Efron: Well that seems like a bit more than "one better," but okay. Here's my secret: I think I might like Alexandra.

The Rock: What, you mean you like to make fun of her for being a cootie-infested girl?

Zac Efron: No... I mean, I think I, you know, like her like her.

The Rock: YOU MEAN YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER?!

Zac Efron: Shut up, Rock! Not so loud! I don't want Alexandra to hear.

Alexandra Daddario: Did I hear my name again?

Zac Efron: Dang, you've got good ears.

Alexandra Daddario: Aha! So I did hear my name! Why do you guys keep talking about me?

The Rock: BECAUSE ZAC LIKES YOU, ALEXANDRA!

Zac Efron: ROCK, SHUT UP!

The Rock: HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN WITH YOU AND GROW OLD WITH YOU AND DIE IN YOUR ARMS!

Zac Efron: ROCK, YOU SWORE ON YOUR DEAD FATHER'S GRAVE THAT YOU WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING!

The Rock: JOKE'S ON YOU, ZAC, MY DAD'S ALIVE AND WELL!

Zac Efron: OH COME ON!

Alexandra Daddario: Is all of this true, Zac?

Zac Efron: Um, er, um, well, um, ugh, er-

The Rock: Aw, look. Love has him tongue tied!

Zac Efron: I NEVER SAID I LOVE HER, OKAY! STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH, ROCK!

Alexandra Daddario: But you do like me?

Zac Efron: I, uh, I guess I like that you're fit and good looking like I am.

Alexandra Daddario: Aw, that's sweet of you to say.

Zac Efron: Really? You mean that?

Alexandra Daddario: Yeah... Say, would you want to grab a drink or something later?

Zac Efron: Um, yeah, sure.

The Rock: Can I come?

Alexandra Daddario: Sorry, Rock. I was just thinking it would be me and Zac.

The Rock: Okay.

Zac Efron: Cheer up, Rock. I think there's some guy drowning over there that you can save.

The Rock: Really?

David Hasselhoff: Actually, Rock, you're too late. I already saved him!

The Rock: Aw gee! When will I ever catch a break?

David Hasselhoff: Fear not, Rock, your day will come.

The Rock: You really think so, Mr. Hasselhoff?

David Hasselhoff: I don't just think so, Rock; I know so!

Alexandra Daddario: That's really nice of you to say, Mr. Hasselhoff.

David Hasselhoff: HOLY CRAP! WHEN DID THIS GIRL GET HERE? RUN AWAY, BOYS, BEFORE SHE GIVES US ALL COOTIES!

END SCENE

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Dead Man: Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The first pig built his house out of straw, the second built his house out of wood, and the third built his house out of bricks. Then a big bad wolf came along and huffed and puffed and blew away the first two pigs' houses and ate them both. Then he tried to blow down the third pig's house but failed miserably. So the third pig went on to live a long life full of laughs and love and religious fulfillment. The moral of the story is that you should never build your house out of wood or straw. Bricks is clearly the best option. The end.

Jack Sparrow: This movie is bull crap.

END SCENE

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

'Merica: A Historical Drama

George Washington: Man, I am sure enjoying chopping down this cherry tree!

John Adams: Bro, you'll never guess what just happened!

George Washington: John, you startled me! I didn't hear you approaching.

John Adams: Sorry about that, G-Dubs, but you've just gotta hear what I have to say!

George Washington: What is it?

John Adams: We just beat the British, and I think the Sons of Liberty are going to make me king of the New World!

George Washington: No way!

John Adams: Way!

George Washington: No way!

John Adams: Way!

George Washington: No way!

John Adams: Way!

George Washington: Bro, that's sick! When do you start?

John Adams: I'm not sure, dude. I just heard Jefferson and Franklin talking it about it 'round ye ole watering hole and I thought, 'OMG! This might actually be happening!'

George Washington: Sick, dog. Wait, isn't that Ben and Tom over there?

John Adam: Yeah it is! Holy crap, this IS really happening!

Thomas Jefferson: Hey, John. We were thinking of making you king of the New World. Whaddya say?

John Adams: Bubba? Hubba? Wuwwa? Dudda?

Ben Franklin: What's wrong with him?

Thomas Jefferson: He seems to be spazzing out.

Ben Franklin: Well that's not very king-like, is it?

Thomas Jefferson: 'Tis not.

John Adams: Umma? Grubba? Hoobastank?

George Washington: Um, I think what John is trying to say is that he'd love to be king of the New World.

Ben Franklin: And who might you be, you ax wielding beef cake?

George Washington: I'm George Washington.

Thomas Jefferson: Wow! He's so much more charismatic than John.

George Washington: Well I don't know about that...

Ben Franklin: And he's humble too!

Thomas Jefferson: Would you like to be king, Mr., um, Washingburn, was it?

George Washington: WashingTON, actually. And I don't know if I'm fit to be a king. My friend John here is much better at that type of stuff.

Ben Franklin: John who?

George Washington: Why, John Adams, of course! Have you really forgotten about man you were just about to make king only moments ago?

Ben Franklin: Yup.

Thomas Jefferson: So what do you say, Georgey boy? Wanna be king?

George Washington: Um, well... to be honest I've never been the biggest fan of the title of king...

Ben Franklin: What if we changed the title to something else?

Thomas Jefferson: Yeah, like president or something?

George Washington: President's cool, I guess.

Ben Franklin: Then it's settled: George Washington shall be the first president of the New World!

John Adams: BUBBA WUH WUH?

Thomas Jefferson: Oh shut up, you!

George Washington: Hey, don't talk to my vice president that way!

Thomas Washington: Vice president?

George Washington: Yeah, it's a new title I just invented because I can do that type of stuff now that I'm president!

Ben Franklin: But what are the duties of this "vice president".

George Washington: Between you and me, Ben, there aren't any duties. It's more of a symbolic position to make John feel better.

Ben Franklin: I see.

John Adams: YAY! I'M VICE PRESIDENT! I'M VICE PRESIDENT! LOOK AT ME NOW, DAD!

Thomas Jefferson: You're a good man, George Washington. Just look at how happy you've made that weird little man.

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie: I'm pretty great.

All Sing: Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed, at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, o'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming. And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there. Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave, for the land of the free, and the home of the brave!

John Adams: PLAY BALL!

THE END

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

Joe Boettcher: Hide or Seek

Full album available for free download now! Click here to view.

As I’ve been promising, my new album, Hide or Seek, is now available for free download on my Noisetrade page. So go ahead and download it, won’t you? I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed writing and recording it.

Thanks for listening!

-Joe

[joeboettcher]

Visit Original Link

The final track on my new album, Hide or Seek, is a song about finding peace at the end of the day. I hope it brings you a little peace as well.

Here are the lyrics: 

“Be Still” by Joe Boettcher

Be still, my hand, it’s time to rest from all the ringing you’ve done on your quest.

Be still, my brain, it’s time to dream. Your endless blabber makes me want to scream.

It’ll be there tomorrow, and even if it’s not, we’ll be okay.

Be still, my eyes, think of my head, for the more you move the less I’ll comprehend.

Be still, my tongue, there’s no one here, who doesn’t know exactly what you fear.

It’ll be there tomorrow, and even if it’s not, we’ll be okay.

Be still, my heart, for He is Love: the complete fulfillment you’ve been dreaming of. 

For Love will lead us on this earth, and Love will lead us home.

For Love will lead us on this earth, and Love will lead us home.

Thanks for listening!

-Joe

You can listen to the rest of the tracks on the album at the following links:

Track 1: Hide or Seek Track 2: The Asylum Track 3: On TV Track 4: Love in Space and Time Track 5: Flusher Track 6: Always Farting Track 7: Come Back to Me Track 8: Sheep Track 9: Life in You

[joeboettcher]

Visit Original Link

My upcoming album, Hide or Seek, is an album about deciding whether to embrace life’s challenges or to run from them. This particular song is a celebration of the freedom I have to face those challenges head on because of the new life I’ve received in Christ. I hope the song encourages you and brings you the same joy it brought me as I wrote it. For in Christ, we are truly more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). 

Here are the lyrics:

“Life in You” by Joe Boettcher

Once upon a time, I thought I knew what to think about how to live life away from suffering.

But lately I’ve found You have different things to say, and life ain’t just about living for today.

Life is new, life in You! Life is new, life in You!

It ain’t about the things I collect down here; it’s what I give away that’s much more dear

Until You came along, I thought I just had to hide, but You’ve freed me to seek in the world outside.

Life is new, life in You! Life is new, life in You!

And it ain’t never gonna stop! It ain’t never gonna stop, life in You!

It ain’t never gonna stop! It ain’t never gonna stop, life in You!

Thanks for listening!

-Joe

Links to the rest of the tracks released so far:

Track 1: Hide or Seek Track 2: The Asylum Track 3: On TV Track 4: Love in Space and Time Track 5: Flusher Track 6: Always Farting Track 7: Come Back to Me Track 8: Sheep

[joeboettcher]

Visit Original Link

We’ve reached the eighth day of my ten-songs-in-ten-days initiative, leading up the the release of my new album on Friday. Today’s song is called “Sheep” and it deals with the perils of idolizing people. I hope you enjoy listening to it.

Lyrics:

“Sheep” by Joe Boettcher

You may want to make me king the moment that you hear me sing these words that you have always longed to hear.

Sorry, folks, I’m telling you, that’s something you ought not to do, for I will only fail you this year.

‘Cause I ain’t no ruler, and you ain’t my sheep.

You may want to make me prince if I display kind tolerance and call myself an advocate for peace.

Sorry, folks, deep down inside there are sins I simply cannot hide. I’m not a god or perfect in the least.

‘Cause I ain’t no savior, and you ain’t my sheep.

Friends, what are we doing here, chasing our own tails year after year, hoping somehow it’ll wind up differently?

Taking glory where no glory’s due, and wondering why we’re so screwed-- it’s the definition of insanity.

‘Cause I ain’t no ruler, and you ain’t my sheep.

‘Cause I ain’t no savior, and you ain’t my sheep.

Thanks for listening.

-Joe

Here are the other tracks that have been released so far:

Track 1: Hide or Seek Track 2: The Asylum Track 3: On TV Track 4: Love in Space and Time Track 5: Flusher Track 6: Always Farting Track 7: Come Back to Me

[joeboettcher]

Visit Original Link

This is track seven from my upcoming new album, Hide or Seek, which will be available for free download on my Noisetrade page starting this Friday. It’s a song about going after the one you love with an obscure piece of baseball trivia. I hope you like it.

Here are the lyrics:

“Come Back to Me” by Joe Boettcher

Well I just had to stop and tell you something, and you’re just gonna have to forgive me. This seems like such a very lovely wedding, and that guy you’re with, he sure is lucky.

But this cannot wait, my friend. I need to say it now before I forget again:

The Philadelphia A’s won the 1913 World Series  over the New York Giants. They won it in five games. It was their third one in four years. They were a regular dynasty. I told you it would come to me, now come back to me.

And this may seem like a dumb old cliche, but if I told you who the managers were  would you maybe, maybe go my way?

Connie Mack and John McGraw! They were Connie Mack and John McGraw! They were Connie Mack and John McGraw.

The Philadelphia A’s won the 1913 World Series over the New York Giants. They won it in five games. It was their third one in four years. They were a regular dynasty. I told you it would come to me, I told you it would come to me, now come back to me.

Thanks for listening!

-Joe

Click on these links to listen to the rest of the tracks:

Track 1: Hide or Seek Track 2: The Asylum Track 3: On TV Track 4: Love in Space and Time Track 5: Flusher Track 6: Always Farting