My generation was raised to believe that we were the chosen ones,both by our parents and the entertainment that we saw,I watched and read Harry Potter and I was raised with that set mind that I would be the hero of the story,the main character of the world.
But as I grew up I realized I was not Harry Potter,I was unnamed cast member number 112,and that made me hate myself,I wanted to be David Bowie,I wanted to be part of the Beatles,I wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld or maybe Bo Burnham,but I don’t even know how to play the piano,instead of this I am just left out being Joe Kerr,being myself I would probably not live those incredible lives I admired because I am not that good or creative,I am just an average person and that thought made me miserable.
The thought that I would probably end up as a completely average person,living not in New York or London but in a small brazilian city,I would not be loved by millions of people like those people I admired,I would not be an artist,I would just have a completely normal average life.
This led me to try to change everything about myself,I lost weight,I moved countries,I started to listen to music the cool people that I admired listened,I started watching stuff the cool people watched,I started drinking and partying like the cool people did,but the thing i don’t even know if I wanted to do those things,I just didn’t want to be myself.
The thought of being like everyone else is one of the stuff that scares me the most,like I can’t imagine being an accountant or a businessman,I wanted to be a filmmaker or a musician or a comedian something like that.
I tried so hard to be cool and liked by other people that I lost my sense of self,I don’t really know who I am,what I truly want the only thing I know is what I don’t want and I don’t want to be a loser.
The truth is we have to accept that we are truly like everyone else,instead of daydream all the time like I do about better friends in different city with a different body,I just wanted to be able to enjoy these moments of my life and not be envying the perfect version of myself that will never exist.
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