Look for the Light

Joel & Ellie | The Last of Us Game & HBO Series Apart from the museum scene and flashbacks I don't know Part 2 :) If I ever were to lose you I'd surely lose myself Everything I have found dear I've not found by myself Try and sometimes you'll succeed To make this man of me All my stolen missing parts I've no need for anymore I believe And I believe 'cause I can see Our future days Days of you and me

[supercollide]

i need season 1.5 of the last of us which will just be 10 hours of joel and ellie exploring abandoned theme parks and museums and playing guitar and telling each other jokes and laughing and stargazing and THEN they can make season 2 and i simply won’t watch it

[maxbegone]

i’m failing in my sleep. it’s all i do, it’s all i’ve ever done. is fail her.

THE LAST OF US (HBO) → (1.06) Kin

[pedrropascal]

The Last of Us | 1.02 “Infected”

[nixiefae]

Joel Miller

'Forgiveness'

The Last of Us

[cryptic--creature]

The thing that absolutely breaks me about the Last of Us is that they were so close. So close. To having it all. Cure or no cure, they made it out alive. Ellie said she wanted to forgive Joel, and he was willing to wait for her. They were in Jackson, they had a house, and a life. They had found the closest thing to a happy ending that you could ever get in a world like that. Joel had found his second chance, and he kept her alive the only way he knew how. Ellie found someone who was willing to put her above everything else, cure included, not because of her immunity but because they loved her. She found someone who was never going to leave her behind (by choice).

And then in the blink of an eye, they lost it. Joel died and they never got to fix things, and Ellie was left behind and never truly able to find closure in their relationship. She was the survivor, the one who has to live on with that grief, yet again. Joel loved her so much, in a way he hadn't loved anyone since he'd lost Sarah 20 fucking years ago. He loved her so much it killed him.

They both found their second chance in each other, a second chance at family, and they lost it. They were so close.

[joelandhisdaughters]

I don't think I can forgive you for this. But I would like to try.

Joel and Elllie 2x06 The Price

[joelandhisdaughters]

[joelandhisdaughters]

[kpfun]

His baby girls 💤 THE LAST OF US 2023- • 1.01 // 1.04

[sufferingbooknerd]

Season 2 casually ripping my heart out over Joel and Ellie and her being a part of the Miller Family no fucking question for a whole emotional ass flashback episode straight (part 1/3)

Yes this episode was so phenomenal it warranted a three-parter for this father daughter duo

——————————————————————————

- starting out with the flashback intro, the fact that Joel acted so similarly to the Ellie we meet at around the same age is insane

14 year old Ellie beating up Bethany for disrespecting Riley and 16 year old Joel beating up people for Tommy and taking the fall for the drugs…

“If it weren’t for me, you and Tommy would be in Juvie” father and “You’ve never been what I call well behaved” daughter

Like he met her and dead ass probably thought “I know what kind of kid you are, you’re like me”

- then mr. ‘I was calling this kid cargo like six months ago’ ensures he gets a cake for Ellie’s fifteenth birthday because it’s his first time celebrating his child’s birthday in twenty one years and it’s going to be SPECIAL damnit

- he then not only completely revamps a guitar with new strings, new stain, new everything…but he’s noticed that she has made several drawings of moths in the two months they’ve lived together that he ENGRAVED A MOTH ON HER GUITAR SO ITS PERSONAL TO HER

- his immediate concern of Ellie’s condition when Tommy brings her home

- Tommy is also such a great uncle and slipped back into that role so well! he’s so gentle with her

“Don’t touch it”

- “ow!” “easy, babygirl” 🥹 and she just leans into him when he sits down with her because she’s safe

The way he looks at her after she explains why she did it and the kiss on her forehead

“It’s okay and you’re okay”

- Seth’s dumbass writing Eli and it makes Joel think the days already ruined ☹️

- Joel put Ellie’s pictures on their fridge and has already made the house feel like a home for his girl who has never had a proper one of her own

- “let’s hope Seth bakes better than he spells”

“…he does”

These two just laughing and happy!!!

- “Nonono I don’t sing”

“It’s my fucking birthday man, let’s see what you got”

*he caves instantly*

- Future Days sung with so much love and hope and Ellie almost crying

- “Happy Birthday kiddo”

- and then just like that his baby is sixteen a year later

- “you’re not gonna guess” he knows he’s got the perfect day planned 😭

- “IS IT A CONVERTIBLE?!”

“the hell you gonna do with a convertible?”

He probably mentioned he got his license around the same age and she got excited awww

- him having her sweet sixteen planned for months

- Joel wanting Ellie to have a childhood before she’s forced to fully grow up ☹️

“Oh because childhoods been such a joy for me so far” honey…that’s why he’s wanting you to have some actual good childhood years, because you deserve it

- “you’ve been sixteen all but four hours” Marlene probably told Ellie about what time she was born and he knows it…if there’s a legal adoption process in Jackson he did it when they moved in. I don’t care what anyone says

- Jesse not wanting to train her until Joel’s okay with it because he knows better than to cross her dad…smart dude

- Joel wanting her to find someone someday is adorable and being so confidently wrong about her sexuality is hilarious, Ellie’s “excuse me?!” at being accused of liking a boy is so fucking funny

- Joel wanting to make sure she’s aware of the birds and the bees only to find out she’s…more than perfectly knowledgeable for her age

- “I promise I won’t get pregnant if you let me train for patrols” THIS FUCKING LESBIAN 🤣

- the joy on Ellie’s face as she sees the dino and Joel looking at her like she hung the moon while she’s up there

- “Joel there’s a museum!”

“I know! If you don’t fall down the goddamn T-Rex I’ll take you to it!”

[lunshimmer]

dear joel

summary: ellie writes joel a letter on the one year anniversary of his passing

❀ fandom: the last of us

warnings: major character death

❀ a/n: hi!! i cried multiple times writing this and then cried again upon remembering that we won't get any more tlou until 2027 :( i also formatted this one a lil weird bc the letter is right aligned on my ao3.

❀ word count: 1,419

❀ divider by @firefly-graphics ❀

Meaningless guitar strums fill the air as Ellie fiddles with the strings. It's what Joel used to do-- sit for hours and play different strings with different chords and try to make something of it. She figured it calmed him down, grounded him in a world so unpredictable. Ellie finds that it does the same for her.

Her hands follow a familiar rhythm, finding known chords, though she can't quite place it yet.

She presses e, then f, then e again. E again, then d, then c, then g.

Ellie remembers.

A pang of sadness, maybe regret hits her square in the chest. She sighs, then plays the full melody.

"If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself."

Ellie chooses to stop after a single verse. It's too much. She stares at her pencil and notebook on her desk.

Gail told her about this thing, back in Jackson when Dina had JJ. She had written letters to Eugene after he passed to help herself cope with his passing. Ellie thought it was bullshit right off the bat. She was never one for public sentiment-- sure, she'd had thoughts about Joel come up in her mind often. She never would've expressed it on paper.

As she looks at the paper again, she reconsiders. Maybe it'll help. Maybe she should try.

Ellie carefully sets the guitar back in its case and picks up the pencil.

Dear Joel,

I'm not sure why I'm doing this. It's fucking stupid.

Gail said it might help. With the feelings and grieving and all that dumb shit. I don't think I trust her on this. Therapists are a scam.

Ellie stops for a second. She takes a deep breath. If this was going to help, she needed to believe in it and take it seriously. She continues again.

It's been hard for me this month. It's the anniversary. One year since it happened.

A lot of shit went down, and I found Abby. I didn't kill her.

She sees the picture in her mind; Jesse with a bullet in his head lying on the floor, and Dina pregnant and beat within an inch of her life. Ellie didn't want to focus on the negatives. She redirects, and thinks about Dina.

Dina had a baby. I hope Jesse knows, wherever he is, that he has a son. I think he does.

Ellie hopes Joel is still out there somewhere too.

I don't know where you are right now. Well, I know where you physically are. I don't know if you're still out there somewhere. Spiritually.

I don't know where I stand on the whole religion bullshit. I know you grew up Catholic. Tommy told me. When I asked him if he still believed in it he said that he didn't know. I hope it's real. I really want it to be real. I want to believe that you're not dead. Not entirely.

I went to church with Maria. She said it helps her to believe that her husband and kid are in a better place now after they're dead. When I asked her "how the fuck does that make sense?" she rolled her eyes and made a noise with her mouth and said "it just does.". I'm choosing to believe it too.

Ellie decides that Joel is still out there. Alive, not physically but spiritually. A ghost, maybe? Weren't ghosts supposed to be scary? She thinks Joel would suck at being a scary ghost. Haunting halls and possessing people and all the ghosty bullshit wasn't quite his style. She hopes he isn't stuck haunting a house or something. She twiddles the pencil in her shaking hands and presses it to the paper once more.

I hope you're with Sarah. I hope you told her about me. I wish I knew her.

I hope you're with Tess. I didn't know her as long as you did but I miss her.

I hope Jesse's there too. I miss him. I know Dina does too.

I hope you met Riley. She's the best. She was the best.

She thinks about Sarah, the faceless curly-headed free-spirited girl she never got to meet. She thinks about Tess when she pulls her hair half up to get it out of her face. She thinks about Jesse every time JJ smiles.

Ellie doesn't think about Riley all that much anymore. Memories of Riley creep in occasionally whenever she sees a firefly (the bug) or when she re-reads Savage Starlight.

I hope you got your sheep ranch on the moon and all the guitars and coffee you could ever dream of. I wish I was there.

Ellie smiles thinking about the shitty coffee that Joel loved so much. She backtracks on that last thought, clarifying:

Not that I wish I was dead or anything. I wish I was with you. You always said that wherever you went, I did too. I wish it was the same for this.

It was always Joel and Ellie. Not just Ellie. Not just Joel. They were a pair. A package deal. She misses that feeling.

Ellie thinks about the last conversation she had with Joel, the night of the dance.

I regret the way I left things with you. I was upset and I shouldn't have handled things the way I did. I shouldn't have blown up at you for defending me when Seth said that bullshit the night of the dance. I'm filled with all this regret and sadness and grief. I don't sleep a lot most nights. Every time I close my eyes I see your face.

She finds it hard to imagine Joel any other way than lifeless on the floor, eyes still open, unfocused. Staring at nothing. When she draws him, she doesn't find the will to draw his eyes. She can't.

She's pulled out of her thoughts by Dina's voice. She's singing softly, and Ellie can only imagine it's to JJ. Joel would've loved JJ.

She sighs, again pulling herself away from what happened between her and Joel. Ellie tells herself that she needs to stop dwelling on it, because it's in the past. Unless she were to find a way to time travel (which would be sick, by the way), she can't do anything about it.

She tells herself she needs to grow from this. Move on-- not completely, but a little bit. She has things in her life that mean the world to her.

Ellie loves Dina. She loves JJ. She loves expressing herself through art and telling bad jokes that Dina hates (or secretly loves, but won't admit), and she loves each and every stinky sheep they've got in the barn.

No more sad shit. I need to write about something else. Here's a drawing of JJ. He's easy to draw.

She doodles the baby's round, chubby cheeks and cherub nose. She draws his tiny lips and eyes and eyebrows and tops it off by giving him some hair on his head. She's a little generous on the amount of hair she draws JJ with. Doing you a favor, kid, she thinks.

I started painting. Dina likes it. She hung some of my stuff up on the walls in our house. Makes it feel like an art gallery.

She taps her pencil against the wood of the desk, searching her mind for topics and then remembers--

We have sheep! Lots of 'em. Some of their names are very punny. You'd like them. Ewe-gene is my favorite. Don't tell Daisy or Snowy.

She takes a second and quietly laughs about the names to herself. She's pulled out of her thoughts again when she hears Dina's voice call El, time for dinner!, and she replies with just a sec, babe!, and she realizes something--

Ellie realizes that she's fortunate. Yeah, shitty things have happened. They have. Who in this fucked up world that they live in hasn't had something bad happen to them? You could probably count them on one hand. Lucky bastards.

She wasn't sure if she believed in God or not, but if she did, Ellie would consider herself blessed.

Dina's calling me down for dinner, so I'm gonna wrap this up. I think this helped me.

Long story short: I hope you're happy. I hope you have everything your heart desires, wherever you are. I hope you check in on me sometimes. I know you do.

I miss you. I'll miss you 'till the cows come home.

Joel loved that phrase.

I love you too.

Love, Ellie

[hi-itsanniemarie]

Word Count: 1,015

A/N: Ellie's POV of her grief of losing Joel. This one shot is inspired by the Taylor Swift song, "Right where you left me".

The soup goes cold on the table. It just sits there in one of his handmade wooden bowls, the one he was so proud of because I helped him make it. All I do is stare at it, like I so often do.

I had this habit of letting it sit too long because I was “lost in my head” again as he would call it. He would glance my way with his soft half smile, like he did really mind. He always had this way of knowing when I needed the space to wander, even if it meant burning the toast or letting the stew bubble too long. 

I glanced around the kitchen noticing the dust dancing in the streams of sunlight illuminating the memories. The time before. The time with him. 

God he would hate the mess I made of his table. The one place he always insisted we spend time together. Old puzzles so faded with time, they were near impossible to finish. Singing along with new songs you had both learned on the guitar. Countless stories about construction and Texas and Tommy and Sarah. 

We only ever had two chairs at the table, it was all that we needed. His is across from mine and it’s still pulled out. I've tried to push it back in so many times, but it never stays. Something in me always drags it back out, just a little bit. Just in case.

He wasn’t blood, not officially but what we had was thicker than any blood could be. When my world fell apart, he was the one who found me. Not by choice but by fate. Something bigger than us must have known that we needed each other. We had been all alone, feral with fear and grief. He hardly spoke at first, but he was always there which is more than I even had. 

He always made sure I ate and got enough sleep. He checked the batteries in my flashlight religiously. He taught me how to shoot, how to find wild mint for tea. How to move on from a necessary kill. He had never said “I love you,” not once, not ever, at least not until that night, our last night. But he showed me how to survive, which I guess was its own kind of love.

In return, I loved him back in my own way, the only way I really knew how. I stayed closed and watched, I joked more then listened, I made him his coffee the way that he liked. We were a team. Or maybe we were a family in the way that broken people are. 

Until we weren’t. 

When my thoughts force me to look back, through the accumulation of what was steaming under the surface for months, I always find myself wishing for a different outcome. The “what ifs” and “if onlys” would keep me up at night. We had said ugly things. I said uglier ones. I told him he didn’t get to tell me what to do anymore. That I wasn’t a kid. I wasn’t his kid. He would tell me that I just didn’t understand what I didn’t know. 

We hardly looked at each other after that, after everything he had built for me crumbled around us. We only spoke when necessary, when others were looking. It was for the sake of the town, for Tommy and for Dina. 

Our last night is scattered with moments I never want to forget, and ones I’ll never be able to, no matter how hard I try. Believe me, it would be easier if I could forget. If I could move on from them. But I wasn’t given that kind of mercy.

It was the way he said it. Those three words I had felt in every quiet act of care for years. The simple gestures that used to steady me until, eventually, they began to drown me.

“I love you.”

The words tumbled out of him like they had nowhere else to go. Like they’d been pressing against his ribs for years, desperate to be free. It was his truth and his freedom. He’d felt it since the day we met and I know that now.

The moment he said it, everything shifted. The fate of our last night changed course. I Had to unlock the prison door I kept him behind, even if I’d hidden the key for good reason. But something deep inside of me that was bigger than either of us, let him go.

Somehow I think my heart always knew that we were always meant to be side by side in this life. 

And then he was gone. 

As quickly as he had found me, he was taken.

I tried to get to him, to save him, but I couldn’t. Did he know how hard I? Everyone keeps telling me he wouldn’t want me to blame myself. That he knew I loved him.

But they weren’t there. They didn’t see how he tried with all the strength he had to get up, for me. They didn’t see the way his eyes looked right before life left them. They didn’t hear the silence after.

They didn’t feel the world stop.

Because mine did.

Right there.

Everyone just seemed to move on. People are laughing again. They were falling in love. Enjoying town celebrations. Building new things. Living their lives as if nothing had happened. 

But I’m back there, still in that moment, holding grief and guilt I don’t know how to carry. Counting all the memories I have, and all the ones we will never get. 

I make soup, sometimes. Always his favorite. Lentils with extra onions. I leave the chair pulled out. I pour two bowls.

His bowl gets cold every time. But I leave it because maybe, if I stay very still, if I stay right here...He’ll walk through the door. Tell me to eat. Tell me I’m still his kid. Tell me I didn’t ruin everything.

It’s all I have because I’m right where he left me.

[russianblush]

THE LAST OF US Season 2, Episode 6: The Price

[sufferingbooknerd]

Season 2 casually ripping my heart out over Joel and Ellie and her being a part of the Miller Family no fucking question for a whole emotional ass flashback episode straight (part 1/3)

Yes this episode was so phenomenal it warranted a three-parter for this father daughter duo

——————————————————————————

- starting out with the flashback intro, the fact that Joel acted so similarly to the Ellie we meet at around the same age is insane

14 year old Ellie beating up Bethany for disrespecting Riley and 16 year old Joel beating up people for Tommy and taking the fall for the drugs…

“If it weren’t for me, you and Tommy would be in Juvie” father and “You’ve never been what I call well behaved” daughter

Like he met her and dead ass probably thought “I know what kind of kid you are, you’re like me”

- then mr. ‘I was calling this kid cargo like six months ago’ ensures he gets a cake for Ellie’s fifteenth birthday because it’s his first time celebrating his child’s birthday in twenty one years and it’s going to be SPECIAL damnit

- he then not only completely revamps a guitar with new strings, new stain, new everything…but he’s noticed that she has made several drawings of moths in the two months they’ve lived together that he ENGRAVED A MOTH ON HER GUITAR SO ITS PERSONAL TO HER

- his immediate concern of Ellie’s condition when Tommy brings her home

- Tommy is also such a great uncle and slipped back into that role so well! he’s so gentle with her

“Don’t touch it”

- “ow!” “easy, babygirl” 🥹 and she just leans into him when he sits down with her because she’s safe

The way he looks at her after she explains why she did it and the kiss on her forehead

“It’s okay and you’re okay”

- Seth’s dumbass writing Eli and it makes Joel think the days already ruined ☹️

- Joel put Ellie’s pictures on their fridge and has already made the house feel like a home for his girl who has never had a proper one of her own

- “let’s hope Seth bakes better than he spells”

“…he does”

These two just laughing and happy!!!

- “Nonono I don’t sing”

“It’s my fucking birthday man, let’s see what you got”

*he caves instantly*

- Future Days sung with so much love and hope and Ellie almost crying

- “Happy Birthday kiddo”

- and then just like that his baby is sixteen a year later

- “you’re not gonna guess” he knows he’s got the perfect day planned 😭

- “IS IT A CONVERTIBLE?!”

“the hell you gonna do with a convertible?”

He probably mentioned he got his license around the same age and she got excited awww

- him having her sweet sixteen planned for months

- Joel wanting Ellie to have a childhood before she’s forced to fully grow up ☹️

“Oh because childhoods been such a joy for me so far” honey…that’s why he’s wanting you to have some actual good childhood years, because you deserve it

- “you’ve been sixteen all but four hours” Marlene probably told Ellie about what time she was born and he knows it…if there’s a legal adoption process in Jackson he did it when they moved in. I don’t care what anyone says

- Jesse not wanting to train her until Joel’s okay with it because he knows better than to cross her dad…smart dude

- Joel wanting her to find someone someday is adorable and being so confidently wrong about her sexuality is hilarious, Ellie’s “excuse me?!” at being accused of liking a boy is so fucking funny

- Joel wanting to make sure she’s aware of the birds and the bees only to find out she’s…more than perfectly knowledgeable for her age

- “I promise I won’t get pregnant if you let me train for patrols” THIS FUCKING LESBIAN 🤣

- the joy on Ellie’s face as she sees the dino and Joel looking at her like she hung the moon while she’s up there

- “Joel there’s a museum!”

“I know! If you don’t fall down the goddamn T-Rex I’ll take you to it!”

[joelandhisdaughters]

Too much love will kill you In the end

x

[russianblush]

THE LAST OF US 1x04 | 2x06

[russianblush]

THE LAST OF US Season 2, Episode 6: The Price