Joelmiller

writes for pedro pascals characters

[joelmiller321]

Joel miller Fics

key :

books- 📚

smut:🥵

angst: 😫

fwb: 😘

friends to lovers: 💙

enemies to lovers: 😠

fluff: ☁️

!DBF: 👨🏻

secret lovers: 🤫

joel’s everything 📚🥵😩☁️

part1

part 2

part 3

part 4

the sister 📚🥵☁️😩 😘

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part6

part 7

part 8

part 9

part 10

part 11

part 12

part 13

part 14

part 15

part 16

part 17

part 18

part 19

the abandonment 📚😫🥵

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

[plushiekush-deactivated20250830]

white ppl will steal every aesthetic from black culture and then call it something so stupid like bo derek braids instead of box braids or hasbin hotel core instead of black southern dandism. yall will bend over backwards to call my culture barbaric/scary just to drool over the aesthetic the moment no actual black people are involved (21 pilots vs actual reggae). And if ur white/nonblack reading this just reblog. I dont need any comments talking about how not racist you are + speaking up over actual black people.

[joelmiller321]

the sister|| Joel miller

ch4

cecelia's pov

i wake just to hear ellie messing with joel about his system and fully cracking it. i offer ellie some food "here. who knows when we'll be able to stop next okay?" she takes it and nods "thanks" tess comes back and says it's time to go. i keep ellie at my side tightly. soon enough we're caught by a soldier as tess and joel try to negotiate as he calls it in. fucking hell. the scanner touches ellie's neck and she nods to me and attacks and i do the same killing him. i know the reader is fucking red. if it touched me it'd be the same way.

before i can grab it tess does. ellie says "im not sick!" as they demand to see the bite and i push my sister behind me "she got the bite three weeks ago. most turn in two days." joel says "maybe she's lying! ever think about that?!" i push him away as he approaches and take out my gun and say "she's not fucking lying! look at her arm it's an old bite." tess says "what makes you so sure!" i scoff hating having to say it or acknowledge it "because i'm the same fucking way" "sissy" ellie says softly.

soon we hear more people and decide to run to safety. we find an abandoned building and i tell ellie "get some sleep" and she lays her head on my lap and joel and tess approach and i hold them at gunpoint protectively "close enough" tess says "you just said you're the same way as her" i roll up my sleeve showing them the bite. if you put ellie's and mine side by side it makes a circle. i say "had it since i was a kid"

i follow my best friend billy out to his hideout away from camp. he says "just a bit closer" i nod and then he just stops and i ask "billy?" confused. he chuckles "you thought i wanted to hang out with you? why would i want to hang out with the likes of you?" and he whistles. men. he says "fedra would love you" and im attacked. i fight as much as a 7 year old can. then i hear it...infected. lots of them. i get released and i try and escape as they try and kill the infected. i'm grabbed  by billy "not so fast" i say "why are you doing this? we were best friends" a tear falling and he says "it was nothing personal" as the men die around us. he freaks out seeing a runner and throws me at it. i brace myself ready to push it away but it bites my arm "AGH!" i cry out.

i push it and kill it just to hear billy screaming too. multiple runners on him "CECE! HELP ME" i shake my head "fuck you" and run. i run with tears on my cheeks until i hit a chest "oh thank god you're okay!" it's my mom. i sob "mom" hugging her small round belly touching me as i do so. she makes me back up and look at her "what happened?" i cover my arm and back away "you need to get away from me" she sees how im grasping my arm "what happened baby? let me see" i shake my head "no! you. need to leave me here" and grabs my arm and sees the bite and freezes "baby" i sniffle "im sorry" she hugs me "there's no need to apologize sweet girl. cmon...lets make your time memorable okay?" and we do. we have a great day and wait. and wait. but it never happens...i never get sick.

joel says "impossible" "i was bitten at 7 years old joel. and i'm still here. ellie is the same way." i say. ellie wakes from her nap and tess interrogates her and ellie tells her about the vaccine being made. joel asks "why didn't they make it sooner with you?" eyeing me and i say "marlene doesn't even know i got bit. the only person that did was my mother and now ellie and you guys. my mother wanted me to keep my immunity under wraps. it'd create a target on my back and she wanted me to have as good as a life as possible. i want the same for ellie but marlene found out and here we are"

they don't believe us. joel even says we should be taken back "if you guys are backing out we're going without you. we don't need you. i didn't want you two with us to begin with but we're not going back. call is yours" tess makes joel see they have to go through with it for the supplies. i point out "you know marlene is just fucking with you to get us right? she'll probably kill you after you hand her over" with a shrug. they decide to take us anyways. fun

ch5

[joelmiller321]

the sister|| joel miller

chapter 3

Cecelia's pov

ellie's been uncuffed thankfully. it's been days here. same shit routine of that stupid study of ellie. we've been given our stuff. me with my collection of guns, clothes, food. ellie with her clothes. ellie knows how to shoot obviously but i don't want her to unless she absolutely needs to. gunshots, a conversation. silence. before i can stop her ellie runs out the room at a man and i grab his arm twisting it before kicking him to the floor when he reacts, holding him and his friend at gunpoint as she raises hers at us. "touch her and you die. both of you" glaring. "Cece" marlene calls. i ask ellie who stands "you okay E?" she says "yeah" i tell her "get your knife" our moms knife.

she does and "cece look at me" it's marlene and she's been shot. i reply "well you look like dog shit" she rolls her eyes "they're going to take you out the safe zone just as planned" what? i scoff "we'll find our own way marlene" as the male interjects "joel you'll get your guns and that engine to get to tommy's if you drop them off safely" joel says "we don't smuggle kids" "not a kid asshole. and we're not fucking cargo either" i huff still not putting my guns down.

"Well ya look like a kid to me" the woman says "fucking 22 years old, old hag" i huff. she snaps "wanna say that again" i cock my gun "you're old" i repeat. annoyed by all of this. "cecelia!" marlene snaps. i snap "we're not going anywhere with these drug smugglers marlene" she replies "i know them. they'll keep you both safe." joel asks "why are we taking her if the young one is important" i say "because im not letting anyone take my fucking kid from me for shit" staring the angered hot male down.

"cece guns down" marlene says and i do it with an eye roll. i turn to ellie checking her over "hey astronaut. you okay?" i ask softly. she smiles at me "you gotta teach me that fuckin move sissy. was badass!" i chuckle "one day" "cece here's the plan" marlene starts. i snap "you don't get to make plans for my kid marlene. especially not one including these two" ellie hugs my arm "love you too" kissing it softly and she tells me "think we should go though...we have to get there somehow...and i don't want it to just be us and i lose you out there okay?" her eyes worried. i sigh "ellie" "cece. we all know the more eyes the better okay? so let's go" i sigh "fine" marlene calls "cece" i turn to her "what?" "see you soon" she says. marlene and i were close. very close. she was practically my aunt. i loved her. but after my mom...she abandoned me. she abandoned ellie. she just...left. after promising my dying mother she'd be here for us. after promising me throughout my time with her that she'd be here. and when shit got hard she disappeared. when i had just killed my first person...a mercy killing for my dying mother, and needed whatever family i had left she wasn't there. she gave us away and left me at 8 years old to raise an infant alone.

i reply "she'd hate you now you know that marlene? she would" and i take ellie and we follow joel and his companion, the old hag, who's name is Tess to an apartment. we're put into a room and i overhear joel and tess talking. they want to drop us off at a bill and franks place. yeah okay. if they didn't wanna fucking take us they shoulda let us go. joel sends tess out to scout and ellie says "hey look" i turn and i chuckle seeing her with a notepad and radio "what are ya doin with that?" she says "cracking their code. 60s is new information, 70s is new message, i don't know what 80s is yet but i have a hunch" she tells me and i take a seat as joel comes in and she asks "who's bill and frank, and what does the 80s mean?" i chuckle keeping an eye on the male.

he ignores her and asks me "your name is cece" i reply "cecelia." he nods "joel. got off on the wrong foot but we're gonna need to ignore that if ya wanna survive out there" i reply "we don't have a problem as long as you keep her safe. you hurt her and i kill you" joel says "you're 22...how old is she? or where's her dad since she's yours" i roll my eyes "ain't your business cowboy"

"you and that girl are my business now so get talkin. is there gonna be a worried father comin for her?" he asks and i reply "ellie ain't my kid by blood but in any other way. she's my sister. raised her her whole life. only met our father 3 times my entire life so no. there's no one lookin" he replies "alright" and takes a nap on the couch and ellie asks "what are you doing?" joel says "killing time you should do the same" taking a nap. i tell ellie "you should. you haven't slept" she shakes her head "get some sleep ma" and i do my eyes burning from being awake so long.

ch 4

[joelmiller321]

The Sister|| joel miller

chapter 2

cecelia's pov

shit went south. marlene has her and knows she's immune. has an idea about making a cure. i snap "you will not take me from her" as they try to remove me from her new room. i fight and knock them out and sit with ellie who they have chained up loading my gun "if you're taking her im going too" holding ellie to me.

marlene nods "i know. okay. it's okay. let it go guys" as i keep them at gunpoint "how old is the bite" i tell her "3 weeks." she makes ellie do tests repeatedly. i say "she would've turned already marlene. she's fine" but she leaves and i pull her to me and mutter "get some rest" she asks "when are we getting outta here sissy" i sigh "soon bug soon" and she takes a nap and i sit awake with a gun in my hand. soon marlene comes back and wakes her up i snap "leave her be" but she makes ellie do that stupid exercise trying to see how her senses are.

soon she's gone again and ellie asks "do you think we can cure the world?" i shrug "probably not. i wouldn't know for certain. but we'll figure it out ellie. if you don't want to do this i'll break that chain right now and get us outta here. say the word and we're gone" she says "i want to save the world. i want to be able to go to the beach, and have friends! and you not have to worry about me going out! and not have to worry about infected either" i nod "then that's what we'll do baby" soon we're given food and i tell marlene "uncuff her she's not going to turn" "can't be sure of that" she says.

i say "yes you can! everyone turns within two days!" annoyed. she tells us where we're going to go. and when. i nod and she says "you'll have help" i shake my head "no. i can take care of her and myself i don't need a guide" she says "it's for protection" "i don't trust anyone with her life marlene" i tell her and soon her and ellie start to talk and marlene reveals that she knows us, our mother.

*flashback*

i drop the gun and fall to my knees crying hysterically. i just killed my mother. marlene makes me look at her "look at me Cece! it's going to be okay. you and ellie are going to go to fedra" "what? why the fuck would we go there our mother wanted us with you" marlene says "well you can't come with me. i'll be able to keep tabs on you both there. take care of your sister" and with that i hug my mothers body once more and leave with them.

*over*

once she's gone ellie asks "you never told me you know her. why?" i tell her "she abandoned us after mom died. she promised mom she'd take care of us and look after us and as soon as she was gone she gave us to fedra. which is why i raised you" she nods "and i love you for it" with a smile. i grin "i wish i could've done better for you" she stops me "you did the best sissy. you are the best.  you might be my sister by blood but you're my mother. the only one i've ever known and will ever know and i love you" hugging me. i smile "i love you more ellie"

chapter 3

[joelmiller321]

the sister|| Joel miller

in which joel has to smuggle not only ellie but her older sister too

chapter1

Cecelia's pov

i wake hearing my door open "Cece" it's ellie. i sit up and see her flustered and crying. i note the blood on her arm and ask "what's wrong Ellie?" she pants panicking and i make her look at me "baby look at me where were you? you were supposed to be sleeping! what happened?" looking my 14 year old sister over. i was 8 when my mother had her and i was there when she died.

*flashback*

"cmon cece your sibling is coming we gotta find somewhere safe" she tells me panting in pain. where is marlene? she should be here to help! i nod and we go inside and i help her down and ask "what do i do?" she starts to scream "mom!" and then i hear it infected. i'm grabbed "hide now." she says panting i say "i can kill it!" she mutters "shhh. i got this. hide. i cannot risk you getting another bite and them finding out about you. go" kissing my head. i hide in the cabinet and watch as the infected prick come out.

i grab my knife waiting and i watch as my mom tries to fight it off and i hear it. the baby. i get out of hiding and tackle it and stab it in its face killing it. "Cece" she pants and grabs her knife and cuts the chord. i smile seeing them safe "hey ma" she smiles "you have a sister" i smile "ellie" she smiles at me "i like that...ellie." she winces and she hands me my baby sister "take care of her alright?" "what?" i ask. she shows me her thigh. it bit her. my eyes water "mom" i say "im so sorry if i didnt" she cuts me off "this is not your fault cecelia. okay? it's not. i cut the chord so ellie should be okay. if not she'll end up just like you. protect her. okay?"

the door opens and it's marlene and our group. my mother shows marlene what happened and how she saved ellie. she says to marlene "take them...kill me. i don't want to be one of those things" i shake my head and jerk away from the guy who grabs me "get off of me!" i snap. i go back to my mother and cry "i can't do this" she nods and kisses my face gently "yes you can, you're the strongest person i know. if anyone's gonna beat this world it'll be you. and i know you'll make sure ellie does too. i love you both so much. go" i shake my head curling into her my head on her shoulder "im not leaving you" holding her hand with my free one. she kisses my temple "Cecelia my sweet baby girl...you have to. i'm already dead" i sniffle "it's not fair" holding ellie. she tells me "that's just life little one. here" handing me her switchblade and her necklace "so i'm always with you both. please go Cece"

marlene says "cmon cecelia there's nothing to do now it's what she wants" my tears fall and i hug and kiss my mother saying "i love you. think of peace" and i take out my gun and before they can stop me i shoot her ending it

*flashback over*

ellie tells me what happened "riley...she came and got me and showed me the arcade at the mall" what?! i say "the mall is riddled with infected god damn it ellie" i check her over "are you hurt?" smoothing down her hair. she says "we were attacked...and" she rolls up her sleeve. a bite. fuck! i ask "how do you feel?" "she turned...riley turned and i...she's gone cece" she says and i hug her and say "oh baby" hugging her as she sobs into my chest. she asks panicked "what is going to happen to me cece? why didn't i turn?" i tell her "breathe ellie it's because you're immune. just like me okay....keep your head down and keep that bite covered okay. god knows what they'll do to us" she nods and relaxes a bit "let me clean that up a bit" she nods and i go to the bathroom taking out the first aid kit and i wrap the bite and she says "can i see yours?" i nod and show her my leg.

chapter 2

[joelmiller321]

Tumblr. Pure effervescent enrichment. Old internet energy. Home of the Reblogs. All the art you never knew you needed. All the fandoms you c

please read

[thememedaddy]

[endless-ineffabilities]

Can everyone just...

NOT write fanfiction about Luigi Mangione?

He's devastatingly attractive and all, but... the man's life is quite fucking literally on the line?

Keep talking about him, about injustice, about healthcare...

But not like that.

[joelmiller321]

What’s your other tumblr name

powellssaturn

[joelmiller321]

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

part 4

Natalina's pov

i wake to beeping. where am i? i open my eyes and see im in medical? what happened? last i remember was me not getting the baby aborted. i groan "ow" feeling the pain. "darlin" joel. i turn and see him. his hair a mess his eyes have bags underneath them. worry within them. i smile and say "hey" kissing him softly at an attempt to try and get back to normal. our normal. he melts into me and then pulls away "darlin?" confused.

i sigh "so we're done then? why am i here?" he pauses "done? no darlin. i just...don't see why you'd wanna kiss me with everything goin on...wait...you don't remember?" i ask "remember what?" he tells me "you left here. like left left. bags and all while...pregnant. you got hurt and i found ya. i thought you'd be screamin and kickin me out...not kissin me...that's why i pulled away. not because i don't wanna kiss ya"

fuck he knows. fuck. "where ya ever gonna tell me? about the baby?" he questions. i reply "when was i supposed to be able to joel? at the dinners you never showed up to? the dates you stood me up at? when you snapped at me to tell you later and that whatever i needed to tell you wasn't important enough for you? if i was able to go through with it...there wouldn't even be a baby to tell you about. i realized just how little i meant to you. i needed you. wanted you. you might've thought i was pushing you away but i was holding on for dear life joel. i just needed you to need me back. for more than sex. you went from loving me and not being able to get enough to making me feel like a live in whore for you to use whenever you needed a release. i'd just...lay there and hold onto you because that's the only time you'd even touch me or pay any mind to me. the baby deserves more than a broken relationship with a broken mother and a uncaring father."

he looks broken. shattered. "lina i...im so fuckin sorry. i had no idea. i'm sorry" he's crying.

joel's pov

i feel disgusting. like i raped her. how could i let this happen and go on like this? how could i break the woman i love like this and not even notice? she was going to have an abortion. that's how far i pushed her. how do i fix this? can i even fix this? i ask "what stopped you from doing it? the procedure? i know how you feel about this with your upbringing darlin"

"i saw him or her...on the monitor. i fell in love with the baby. and...dr Hayes...she said it's a miracle im even pregnant. all the damage i took on the road...the injuries...it damaged me joel. if i aborted...i might never get pregnant again" she sniffles. fuck. i reach to wipe her tears and she moves away and does it herself and i nod and drop my hand. "the worst part of all of it for me is seeing you with her. every day. laughing. smiling. touching. getting closer and closer. you spend your whole day with gina and can't even spare me a conversation." she tells me.

i tell her "nothings ever happened with me and gina. nothings ever gonna happen with her and i. there isn't a her and i. she's my partner at work. so we do spend a lot of time together. and i'm sorry i didn't make time for you. for us. i was so wrapped up in making this the safest place it could be for us. you, ellie, me. and now...this baby. i took extra shifts at patrol to keep any possible dangers out. took on more build projects so we can expand this place to make it more of a home for you. i did it all for you. and in the process i was losing you and didn't even see it. darlin i know i got no right. but i'm gonna ask anyway. i know we're broken right now. and i got a lot to make up for and to fix. but i want to. i want to fix this. i want us to have this baby that's one thing. and i want to do it together. and i want to spend this pregnancy beside you and winning you back. i want to be the man you're happy to be with. the man you don't have to hold onto for dear life and cry during intimacy with. i want to be the man you trust and can say these things to. i wanna be the man that brings you flowers home and makes time for you and eats dinner with you and to show up to dates as i should've always been. please darlin. let me earn your trust back."

"darlin?" i ask at her silence. she's zoned out. "Lina?" i ask. she winces and mutters "i remember what happened out there" shit "okay darlin take it easy." i say softly. and she says "we can work on it joel. but you'll only have this one chance. one. then that's it. well co parent the baby but i can't be the woman that beats at a dead horse and be that example for our baby." i nod understanding and she says "i want em to have better than i did. we need to be better joel" a tear falling and i move to wipe it and pause and she takes my hand

i wipe the tear from her face "i swear on my life we'll be better. but darlin you gotta work with me here too. yes i fucked up. beyond fucked up. but you didn't even tell me how ya were feelin. i can't read ya mind sweetheart. you gotta communicate with me. especially when it comes to sex. it's your body and your choice. you don't gotta have sex with me when ya truly don't want to. i feel like i raped you. and that...god darlin that fuckin hurts more than anything. you started cryin and i asked you. what you wanted. what you needed and you lied to me. you should've told me to leave ya alone. to stop."

she replies "it's the only time i could have you joel." sniffling. "and that's on me. you feelin like that is my fault. but givin me access to your body when you truly didn't want to...fuck" i say. she sniffles "im sorry" i kiss her forehead "dont apologize. just communicate with me lina. how you feel no matter how good or bad or how it might hurt me. tell me so i know and i can do better. so i can help you." she replies "i don't want you to feel like you raped me" i tell her "i don't know how else to feel about it darlin. i don't. and i know it wasn't your intention. i had sex with you thinkin you'd just say no if you didn't want to but i should've known. been able to tell what state you were in. but i wasn't able to because i...i abandoned you. us. and lost my ability to read you along the way darlin. and i'm sorry"  she nods "both have work to do huh?" i nod "only if you want to" "i already said you have one shot" she says and i nod and say "i wont blow it"

part 5

[joelmiller321]

Does anyone want to be on a tag list? if so comment and lmk which book!

[joelmiller321]

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

part 3

Natalinas pov

i couldn't take it anymore. i couldn't. so here i am on horseback, with a rifle and my clothes in a bag with some no. perishable food. i keep my eyes peeled for any sort of danger as me and blossom go. blossom tires out so i get off her back and start to walk. the snow starts to really stick in this time. blossom freaks out, me on her back again after giving her a break, when a bullet hits a tree in front of her. fuck!

she bucks me off and i wince at the pain, making sure to land on my back. i get up and calm her a bit and tie her to a tree and keep my eyes peeled. another bullet. i shoot back seeing where they're hiding. i hit the target perfectly. is there another? i wince as i feel my shoulder rip open. a graze. i fight the pain raising my gun and finding the guy and kill him too. what i don't notice is a third running to me. he tackles me knocking my gun from my hand in the process and we fight. he chokes me his hands roaming my body "could share ya with the others. so god damn pretty ya are" licking my face. i take the time to bite his tongue and he releases me and he shouts mouth bloody and leaking "YOU BITCH!"

as i stand tiredly "cmon" i say motioning him over with my fingers. he flips out a knife and smirks "im gonna enjoy what we got planned for you doll face" i say "gonna enjoy watching the light leave your eyes" he runs and i dodge the knife. eventually knocking it from his hand and down the hill we're above. i take every hit everywhere but my stomach. dodging it when he tries. he doesn't seem to notice. but he pushes me and i lose my footing. i grab onto his jacket as i fall down the embankment. he takes the fall harder and i make sure of it. i wince out of breath at the pain im in. my vision blurred. my head hurting. i reach up and touch it. blood. i gotta be covered in it by now. i also notice my jacket is cut on my sleeve too...he did get me with his knife. i didn't notice. i hear wheezing. i see his knife as he moves to crawl over me. his hands around my throat again as i flick it open. i slit his throat. his blood all over me. i move him off of me and try to move. it hurts too much. the snow continues to fall and all i can do is curl into myself. having used all my energy. fighting to stay awake. i shiver and shake knowing i let my baby down. we're going to die out here. "Lina?!" joel?

joel's pov

i fount two dead guys. freezing me in worry. "lina?!" i call hoping for a call back. anything. i lead the horse and freeze seeing blossom tied against a tree. i get off my horse and tie it to the tree too. seeing lina's stuff with her still. i look and see a scuffle happened. blood. there's blood here. god damn it! "lina?!" i say looking around wildly. then i see it...toward the bottom of the embankment. her. i run. i kneel beside her shivering body. she's covered in blood. she's only got about an hour and a half away from our walls. she's not on a route we take for patrol. it was planned but we never actually went. her lips are blue. i grab her "lina? lina? baby wake up. it's me joel. open your eyes for me darlin" i beg. she speaks "joel?" but goes limp. fuck! she's gonna be hypothermic at this rate. can the baby even take something like that? baby. from the looks of it she fell. i then see the other body with her. a man. they attacked her and she had to fend for herself. because i...i made her do this.

"i'm here darlin" givin her my hat and my heavier coat. to warm her up, a bit. i kiss her blue lips hoping it'll help. the warmth. i pick her up and she groans in her unconsciousness. i mutter "i know darlin" i find a easy way back up to the horses and get on mine with her. mine is faster. we'll get blossom back later. i take a second to mark it on a map. for tommy to do. i'm not leaving her side. i make it to jackson in half the time it took me to find her with how fast i push the horse to go. i jump off and tommy asks "is she okay?!" tommy and her, despite her and me being together never grew close. Lina is quite a bit younger than me. people judge and we never cared. finding solace in each other. tommy judged. lina is 30. i say "i don't know" and rush her to medical. dr Hayes says "what happened to her? you do know her pregnancy is very fragile right?" i question "what do ya mean by that?" hating that i don't know. hating that she didn't tell me, that she felt like she couldn't. she says "joel it's a miracle she's even pregnant right now with the state of her reproductive organs. please i'm going to need you to stand outside so we have room to work" what's wrong with her reproductive organs?

lina's had it rough. even before the outbreak. she was just a kid and havin to fend for herself. her ma wasn't shit. her father bailed. a hand touches my shoulder "cmon joel there's nothin to do for her in here" tommy. i reluctantly let him drag me into a chair outside her door. doctors coming and goin. he asks "wanna tell me what's been goin on with you both Joel?" i ask "tommy?"

he says "ya work yourself ragged almost panicked like. always with that girl gina that got heart eyes for ya. and ya almost never seem to be with the woman ya claim to me ya love every day. her presence more and more scarce. avoiding me. maria. anyone but ellie that got ties to ya. what's goin on joel" i start off "gina don't got heart eyes for me tommy. and even if she did i wouldn't give a shit. claim? i love her. i do. i've just been busy tommy. busy protectin this place. building it up when it starts to fall apart. for her. for them" he says "you're afraid to look away for a second and this place fall. joel trust me when i say this place ain't goin nowhere any time soon. when was the last time ya took ya lady out for dinner? the last time you actually made it to a dinner she made for ya? tellin by the tupperware we been getting anonymously it's been a few months" has it been? fuck. my silence is answer enough for him to keep going "you say what you're doing is for her. for them. but the best thing you can do for anyone you care for is actually being there in their lives joel"

i tell him "she's pregnant" he freezes and then smiles "congrats man!" touching my shoulder and i say "and i been treatin her like shit tommy. i don't even know how it got like this. she said im losin her tommy. i woke up and she was gone. she ain't even tell me about the baby ellie did. and i get why. i haven't been receptive to talkin. busy with helpin rebuild and save those people from that tree fallin. she tried and i brushed her off. i don't even know if she even was gonna tell me bout it. if she even wanted to keep it. hell i don't even know how i even feel about this. a baby? me bein a dad again? especially in this world but i wanna support her in whatever choice she makes. even if it might hurt. it's her choice."

he says "joel jackson is safe. there's more men and women here than you to make sure it is. the safety of this place isn't just your burden to carry. your woman needs you. i know i been a...judgmental dick about your relationship. 26 year age gap man. but she makes you happy. maria still got her ideas and thoughts about it but i don't. i haven't seen ya happy since outbreak day. but she brought that outta you. joel you already are a father again. to ellie. you're made to be a dad joel ya always have been. hell i turned out okay because of ya. you and her will talk. she'll make her decision. now what you're gonna do is actually be present for ya family. you're off all your duties until you fix what ya broke. and i mean it joel"

"i can't do that just take off im Gina's partner in all this it ain't fair" i say. he says "gina will be fine. plus ive had enough seeing her trying to dig on information about your relationship to see if you're single" i say "she don't want me like that man" he laughs "man you really are blind huh? i can see why Lina had to kiss you to make you see she wanted you. but gina...you...the way yall are ain't a good look man." "how we are? we ain't nothin but people that work together" i huff.

he says "she's all over you. you guys spend every waking moment together from what i gather. you don't even spend time with your girl from what ive seen and you just told me. it honestly looks like you two are a couple and are flirting on the job joel. no wonder lina feels like leaving" before i can reply the door opens "Joel she's stable" dr Hayes says. i sigh in relief "and the baby?" she smiles "is a fighter it seems. he or she is perfectly okay." "what's her injuries" i ask. "she was grazed and has stitches in her shoulder. she's going to bruise a lot. her arm got cut and has some more stitches. and she has a head injury as well. she's got a concussion from it atleast i'll be able to know and study her more once she wakes up. most of the blood wasn't even hers. she's got lucky joel. she's a fighter just like that baby of yours" she tells me. she's going to be okay. she tells me "she's also hypothermic. so we're keeping her warm and medicated for it" i ask "is that safe for the baby?" the meds. she nods "perfectly so" and adds "you can see her now" and i walk in the room and see her. she's got bandages on her arms. one on her head too from the wound she got there too. she's got an iv. i ask tommy "can you get ellie? she'll want to see her" he nods "on it. think about what i said joel" i nod and take Lina's hand. "im here darlin. i know...i messed up. majorly. and that i'm losin ya. but i'm here. i ain't leavin ya. so please just wake up" beeping form her heart monitor. that's it.

part 4

[joelmiller321]

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

PART 2

natalina's pov

i wake up...alone...again. pain pings in my heart. bile up my throat. shit. i get out of bed putting on a shirt and shorts and go to the bathroom and i throw up. clutching my stomach. i'm running out of time. i need to go to the doctor and get the abortion. "ma" ellie calls softly coming in. she asks brushing my dark hair out of my way "are you okay?" i nod "yeah. i'm okay. it's normal with the pregnancy" she nods and says "he left again didn't he" joel. pain.

"ma you don't deserve this" she says softly "everything is fine ellie. it'll be okay" i reply. she tells me "he's hurting you" i know ellie. i know. my heart isn't ready to give up. i send her a smile "im fine ellie. there's nothing wrong" she tells me "stop trying to lie for him" as i brush my teeth and head back to bed. she says "get dressed and out of bed ma. you can't just sit here. can get your mind off of it" i just want to suffer alone right about now. think about this. what's going on.

do i just go and abort it and then tell joel? do i tell him im pregnant and not keeping it? would he even care? would he be happy about this choice? will he be mad i'm pregnant to begin with? i tell her "i have the day off. i want to just be here and think for a bit ellie. i can't just think about me anymore." she nods "want company" i smile at my sweet girl "go have fun with your friends baby." she kisses my head "if you need anything...reach out ma. you and joel might be in a weird spot. and he might be an asshole. but you're not alone in this. you have me" i nod and tell her "i will" though i know i probably won't.

she nods and looks at me and i tell her "go. have fun. tell me all about it later baby" and with that she's gone. i wait a bit and decide i'm going to go find joel. pull him to the side and just tell him. hope for a conversation about it. the baby. or just straight up tell him i'm not keeping it. i can't do this alone. pregnancy. raising a child. i lived my life with a single mother. and a barely there father. and her shitty boyfriends. i can't repeat the cycle. i won't.

fucks sake i had a full blown panic attack seeing the plus sign on that stick thinking about how joel and i are. what bringing a child into it will be like.

i walk outside and down the street. i see him. he's with her. but they're talking rushing. if i don't do this now...i don't think i ever will. i walk over "joel can we talk?" his eyes meet mine "not now darlin" pain. i let him know "it's important joel. okay?" he asks "can we talk about whatever it is later. i gotta deal with somethin important" i reply "i'd like to talk now joel"

he says "darlin please! can we just talk later? i have to go. i'll see you at home"  i say weakly "okay" upset. sadness in my every bone. "darlin" he sighs. i shake my head "whatever it is you got going on now with her is more important than what i gotta talk to you about. i heard you loud and clear joel."

he sighs "darlin that ain't what i meant and ya know it" "it is. it always is joel. i have to go" i say and leave him there despite his protests. he doesn't come after me. she calls for him and he goes with her. he doesn't care. about me. and he wouldn't care about a baby that would come from me either. everything else is more important than me. than us. our relationship. why would i want to bring a child into something like that?

i go to the medical building. Dr Hayes smiles "hey Natalina. wasn't expecting you. is everything alright with the baby?" i tell her "i want an abortion." we've never even done a sonogram. just a blood test to confirm pregnancy and how far along i am. she offered one but i didn't want to see a baby i didn't even know if i wanted to keep or not. it's not fair or right for me to bring a baby into this. a world like this. with two parents that don't even speak to one another but fuck every night. born to a father that will find everything else more important. he's been doing it to ellie. he's been doing it to me.

the only person he doesn't do it too is tommy and that's because they work together sometimes. and they've spent so much time apart. she says "what? are you sure? does joel-" i cut her off "joel doesn't matter here dr Hayes. it's my body and my choice. i want the baby gone. i had no right keeping it around this long in this world. in this life" she touches my shoulder "shh it's okay. breathe. come with me i'll do it" i nod and follow her in the back. i'm soon changed out of my clothes in sirrups. she moves the gown to my stomach and i say "what are you doing?" knowing how abortions work.

"i'm making sure you're sure you're not about to make the biggest mistake in your life. you want to be a mother and i can tell how you touch your stomach when in deep thought." she tells me. "stop it" i say hearing the heartbeat. it's so small. she tells me "wow" after a minute. and i look at the screen "what?" i ask and pause. my little blob. my baby. my child. my heart beats out of my chest seeing it. love fills my heart in a way i've never known possible.

she says "it's a wonder you're pregnant with the scarring i see. i've never seen someone with this much damage successfully carrying a child this old. it'll be a miracle if you could get pregnant again after this if you go through with this" a tear falls...then another. and another. then i'm sobbing into my palms.

i want to be a mother. not like this. not like mine. alone. if i don't...i may lose the chance to being one forever. "Natalina do you need me to call for joel?" she asks softly. i shake my head sniffling "no. he doesn't know. he's busy" standing and wiping myself off and putting back on my clothes "natalina are you and joel okay? do you need help?" she asks softly. i reply "it's fine. everything is fine. it has to be fine" with a fake smile. i wipe another tear and grab the prints she made of the baby. and leave her worried and shocked face.

i pause seeing him with Gina again. carrying wood as they always tend to a smile on both their faces. i scoff to myself and return home and change back into my bed clothes. hiding the sonogram pictures in my nightstand drawer. i touch my stomach softly "it's just us now i guess" exhaustion hits and i fall asleep.

i wake to a dip in the bed and i hear "darlin?" whispered. i ask "what?" he says "i'm ready for that talk" his voice soft. i reply "forget it. it's not important" he turns on his lamp and asks "it sounded like it was" i reply "you said it wasn't so it isn't. it's fine" his eyes soften "that's not what i meant darlin. a tree collapsed and people got hurt so we got called to help at that moment." he asks "what did you want to tell me that was so important?" he won't and doesn't care. i shake my head "it's nothing" he strokes my hair "im sorry for how i spoke to you earlier darlin" i nod "okay" he kisses me. and like routine. we have sex. he's thrusting grunting into my neck. you're just a wet hole for him.

this baby deserves more

he doesn't want this baby

he's going to ask you to abort it

he's going to hate you for being pregnant

you shouldn't be pregnant

before i can stop them tears fall. down my face and onto his. he freezes. shit. he sits up and stops his movements "darlin are you okay? did i hurt you? do ya want me to stop?" i shake my head "they're good tears" wiping them with a fake and fragile smile. he says "darlin you're still cryin. let me just" and he goes to move.

if you lose him this way he'll really be gone and never touch you again.

soon he'll stop coming home to you at all

i pull him into me making him groan "darlin stop you're cryin" he says softly. i kiss him softly pouring whatever's left of my heart into it. i mutter "don't stop. please joel. just don't stop" he asks "are ya sure darlin? i don't wanna hurt you" he has been for a while now. i nod "yes" i pull his face back into my neck as he fucks me into the bed as tears fall me moaning slightly here and there for him. my eyes on the ceiling doing what i can to keep him. he grunts "fuck" filling me with his warmth.he pulls out and i roll over and before i can stop the words "joel?" he asks "yes darlin?" i admit "you're losing me" and i fall asleep again.

joel's pov

i freeze at her words. i'm...losing her? i know i haven't been around recently. and been dropping the ball a lot especially today. how did it get this bad? how can i make it right? i love her. she's the love of my life. i can't lose her. i can't. "what do you mean darlin?" i ask. she cried during sex. she's never done that before. ever. "darlin?" i ask at her silence and peek over. she's sleeping. she's been tired a lot seemingly. i table the conversation about what she said for tomorrow. deciding to take the day off for us to talk about it. to fix it. to get her to tell me what was important to her today. i truly didn't mean what i said the way it sounded. people were hurt real bad. trapped. three died. it was a shit show and a mess and they needed us and the hands quickly. and i spent all day fixing the damage. i kiss her temple and head to sleep myself.

i wake the next morning early as ever to a cold bed. she's never up this early. she's got work today at the stables but it's never this early. ellie's got patrol with dina this morning and i'm on gate duty. i ask getting out of bed and heading downstairs "Lina?" wondering if she just got a snack or something. silence. i walk out after grabbing my jacket and shoes having decided to dress for the day anyway. ellie rushes over "it's all your fucking fault" she snaps pushing at my chest. what? "ellie what's goin on?" i ask confused.

"she fucking left! and it's all your fault! you treat her like shit!" she continues to snap. i grab her shoulders "ellie what is going on?" she tells me "Ma left. she's out there! alone! fucking freezing! pregnant! if they get hurt ill never fucking forgive you joel! go get her!"

i freeze "what did you just say?" pregnant. Lina is pregnant? is that what she had to tell me? she was trying to tell me she was pregnant and i brushed her off. fuck. she says "ma is pregnant joel." i ask frantically afraid for them. the woman i love. and the baby. our baby. god i'm gonna be a dad again. "where did she go?! did she go on foot or by horse?! did she say she was going to come back?" "she had a bag joel. she said she's sorry and goodbye and she can't live like this anymore. you broke her joel. your neglect. the fact that you talk to and see that cunt gina more than her. it broke her. you did that to her. if they get hurt out there....ill never forgive you." she tells me.

i reply "did she go by foot?" she tells me "she took Blossom" her beloved horse. i nod and run to the stables jumping on a horse and running out.

part 3

[joelmiller321]

Does anyone want to be on a tag list? if so comment and lmk which book!

[joelmiller321]

the abandonment|| Joel miller 📚😫🥵

in which you see joel abandoning Natalina in their relationship

part 1

natalina's pov

i wake alone naked and sigh. he's gone...again. i get in the shower and wonder how i got here. how we got here. joel and i. we got together. we were happy. everything was fine. ellie's become like my own. joel's opened up about his traumas and i did the same. we made a family. me, him, ellie. now somehow...for some reason...we only have sex. it's the only time i genuinely get to have him and feel close again. but he's gone in the morning. avoiding. he spends all day with Gina. a pretty blonde woman, out on patrols, walking around jackson. smiling, laughing. comfortable. he doesn't even try anymore.

i love him. and it's why i stay. it's why i let him touch me even though im crying on the inside. he's losing me and doesn't even seem to notice. or care. ellie's even noticed the distance. i lie to her and tell her im fine. that we both are. she's a kid. she shouldn't have to worry about our relationship or the lack of one we have now. i'm holding onto this. us. joel and i for dear life and he doesn't even seem to care. but how many cold dinners after waiting for him to come home after he's agreed to it am i supposed to take?

how long am i supposed to lay there and clutch onto him, taking his cock because it's the only piece of him he'll let me have? how long am i supposed to swallow pain seeing how much happier she makes him? how miserable i make him? but i do it and i don't know if i have much of it left in me. i really dont. i finish in the shower and dress in

i step downstairs and see ellie came in from her shed out back. she smiles and says "morning ma" i smile "morning ellie want food?" she shakes her head "already went and got some. Joel here?" i sigh "is he ever?" looking and seeing another left over dinner from last night that joel did not show up for. but he did come in late and we had sex. it's the only thing he wants me for. my heart won't let go of him even if i know i should. at this point im just his live in whore.

she sighs "i thought he was staying in today, with us?" another broken promise and now it's including ellie. i shrug "think he got busy kid." "well what did he say?" she asks. i sigh and admit "nothing. he doesn't talk to me much anymore ellie. he was gone when i woke up" she says "but you two are in love. disgustingly so. i don't know what's going on with him. but it will pass. he'll come around just wait" hope in her voice. confusion. pain in her eyes and pity with the way she's looking at me. i sigh "i don't think i have it in me to wait any longer kid" grabbing a apple to settle on.

she asks "have you told him you're..." pregnant. i'm only 4 weeks. i shake my head "ma you have to tell him. he deserves to know" why? so he can just abandon this child? i'm not even sure if i even want to keep it at this point. i don't think i should. not with the way our relationship is. not with how he's making me feel. i tell her "im not even sure i want to keep it ellie. i'm really not" i don't want to be a single mother. i've seen how it went with my mother. an abusive father in and out of our lives. her equally shitty boyfriends. i can't do it. i won't. and joel knows. i also know joel's trauma, how he lost sarah. how will he even react to this?

he's never mentioned wanting another kid. hell him coming around to ellie was like pulling teeth. "he deserves to know either way" she tells me and i sigh "i know. i gotta go."

she takes my hand "it's not safe for you to work with the horses now ma. they could hurt you" she's the only one here who would care about such a thing. i sigh "joel's not here and he's not going to be. i need to get out of this house" she nods "then i'm coming with you." i nod and we head out and walk toward the barns me eating an apple. i pause seeing him. joel. with her. smiling. "ma cmon." she calls. i see how she's touching him. smiling gripping onto his arms. leeching onto him. and he doesn't stop her. "ma don't look at that cmon" and his eyes meet mine. those eyes i fell in love with. but the man who owns them is not one i recognize anymore.

he steps forward his eyes on me still but she grabs his hand seeing me. he stops and turns to her and she says something that makes her nod and i leave before he can turn to see me if he even does.

joel's pov

i turn back to see my little family but they're gone. i sigh making a note in my head to make me being busy up to them. there's been a lot going on. more raiders. more construction for this place. more. more. more. Gina has been assigned as my partner in it all. having skill in it. she's kind. funny, and makes the day go by easier. that's it. i missed another dinner with Lina. i bet she's pissed with me. seems to be a common occurrence these days. i love her.

Natalina is the best thing to have ever happened to me. truly. she makes me want to be a better man. ellie and i met her on the road to the fireflies. ellie begged me to let her stay. she did get hurt saving my life. listening to ellie is the best decision i've ever made. and slowly...i fell in love with lina. ellie and lina healed me. in a way i never thought i deserve or was possible after losing sarah.

but now...it's like they're...slipping. and i don't know how to stop it. i truly am always working. there's always something that needs fixing. always someone who needs extra hands on a patrol. i want and need this place to be the safest place for them. it's why i work so hard. why i do so much. that and maria still keeps her eye on me believing that im still that guy that did horrible shit with tommy.

i don't and catch a glimpse of her all day. i even went to the stables and Randy said she took ellie out with shimmer and her horse Leroy. damn. Gina stays at my side and talks about i don't even know what anymore. i break out of my thoughts hearing "how's Natalina" she's never brought her up before. i have. in passing. i say "she's fine why?" she shrugs "don't see you two together much anymore is all." yeah i've been busy with everyone else's wants and needs. the only time i get peace is at night and i have the time i do with her. then i wake and do it all over again when all i want to do is stay with her.

later

i sigh walking in the door and kick my shoes off "joel?" it's ellie. she's usually back to her shed by now. i smile "hey kiddo" she asks "what are you doing?" arms crossed. i say "taking off my jacket?" doing just that and hanging it up. she replies "with ma" i reply "i'm going to bed with her?" she huffs "you promised us it'd just be us today joel" i sigh "i know. im sorry. but they were a person short on patrols and i had repairs to do over at the canteen area" she asks "when was the last time you two did something? that wasn't you coming home late after breaking your word to her again and going upstairs" a while, regrettably it's been a while. but now these people are starting to actually need me. and the raiders are getting worse and worse and i just want to protect this place. which in turn protects them. she continues "you're losing her joel. i can see it in the way she's not surprised by your absence and is defeated and tired. you're losing her" what? i can't be. if she felt that way she'd tell me. she wouldn't let me have sex with her i bet too. i say "we're fine kid don't worry about it" "you two are not fine joel. she's to herself. more than ever. she needs you to be here joel" she tells me and i nod and say "get some rest kiddo" heading upstairs. i shower the grime of today off of me and head out getting dressed. she's awake. reading. i get into my side of the bed and say "how was your day?" she looks at me oddly "it was okay"

natalina's pov

it's been...i don't know how long since he's even asked that question. or even talked for that matter. he tells me "sorry about not being here today. i'll make it up to you" no he won't. he never does. he's going to be gone again when i wake up and be gone all day. i say "mm" he grabs the book closing it. he says "i will" i nod though i don't believe it "yeah" "im gonna make up for this and all those dinners you worked hard on" he tells me. stroking my cheek. this is the most we've talked. he kisses me. and i let him. he moves on top of me and i let him. he strips us both and then slides into me and i moan and let him. it's all he wants you know. gina knows him better at this point. he's only using you until they take that step. and they will. look at them together.

he grunts "fuck" his face in my neck as his hips snap to mine. my pain blocks out my pleasure in the act. i hold him to me my fingers in his longer hair as i stare at the ceiling. my body pleasured but my mind in agony. i just lay and take it as he takes what he needs from me. it's the only way i can feel close to him. he's going to leave again. and ignore you. brush you off like last week. and go to her

"i love you darlin" he grunts as a tear falls from my eye. i wipe it before he can notice. i kiss him and give a few moans so he doesn't notice something's off. realizing i've been silent for a bit. he returns to my neck kissing it and i hold him like i won't ever again. because he's going to be gone when i wake up. he's going to be with her. all day into the night doing i don't even know what. he doesn't talk. i've tried. he just doesn't. one day maybe soon he'll speak. and it'll break us. and i'll move out with a even worse broken everything and i'll be left with nothing and she'll have my everything. he grunts "cum darlin" i can't with all these feelings on my mind and in my chest. he rubs my clit and i fake it. how can i raise a baby in this? like this? if it's a girl id want her to not accept shit like this. i wish i wouldn't. joel's the first man i've trusted with me. my body. my heart. all of it. it's been just stolen and taken when i ran into bad groups and had to claw my way out but joel's my first. he showed me what love is. he grunts and finishes. he pulls out of me and kisses me "love you" but it doesn't feel like it. he doesn't act like it.

part 2

[joelmiller321]

Joels everything|| Joel miller

part 4

joel's pov

we've let ellie roam around and showed her where the house is. here i am with a smile as she shows me around jackson. a smile glowing on her face. damn i missed that sight. a woman comes up "and who is this nicolette?" looking me up and down lust in her eyes. ew. i kiss my wife's cheek seeing her smile strained now jealousy in her eyes as she steps in front of me blocking the woman's view "this is my husband joel" as i wrap her in my arms. "hi" i say and she smiles "hi joel" a purr in her voice. gross. she asks "new here?" flirting.

i nod "just got in and saw that my wife was here. she's showing me around you mind?" taking my girls hand and leading her away. i kiss her softly "there ain't no reason to be jealous baby. i'm all yours." she replies "she's one of those bitches who'd call me crazy for continuing to wait for you and not move on. bitch fucks everything with a pulse and would try and send me her sloppy seconds, i'm surprised there's not a circulation of the clap going around"

i laugh and say "she ain't my type" she asks with a eyebrow raised "and what is your type huh cowboy?" i smirk my hand sliding into her back pocket squeezing her ass pulling her to my chest and she inhales sharply "well firstly...she gotta be shorter than me" she adds "what else?" "gotta be thick in the right places yknow. not all skin and bones...brunette, the prettiest set of eyes i've ever seen, and she's got a pretty and sexy, sassy mouth on her too" i list for her. and i say "and god those dimples. my type got em. freckles too. lastly she gotta my life's partner. my wife. and my darlin ain't no blonde with no tact" kissing her.

she tugs me down to her height and i squeeze her ass in her jeans. she breaks the kiss "home. now" i grin having been waiting for her to express wanting it "yeah?" "would you rather me go and find-" she starts and i huff chuckling and toss her over my shoulder and she wiggles laughing "joel!" and i slap her ass "behave. i'm takin that sweet ass of yours home" stalking toward the house.

part 5