The COM 200 experience blog

[joelsecondcity]

Final Blog- Reflecting

From this Interpersonal Communication class I will take a lot of things with me. During my time at this course I learned how to communicate better with people and how to maintain relationships better. As the course went on every class I learned something about a relationship that went well or one that failed. This class helped me break down why is my relationship successful with my best friend, or why did I break up with my ex-girlfriend. It was a way that I could reminisce on the past and better understand why things happened. I thought about everything from work, to my family, to the relationships that couldn’t survive and drowned out into the deep waters of irrelevance. Improving interpersonal communication could probably even lead us to success even judging by our professor who has accomplished a lot. I can tell she knows how to maneuver in a world full of complex people.

           Another take way I got from this course is that Interpersonal Communication is a skillset, and it is one that could help us for the rest of our lives. Because these skills are basically the keys to being able to communicate effectively with other people. People that can connect us to a new job, people that can help us when we are down, or even just learning to make a new friendship. I have always known that these are important skills and having the opportunity to take a class where we could study that was awesome. I would actually apply these skills at work and in my daily life and I believe there was a lot of growth for me. There was some things that I was doing good, and some bad. Taking the skills I learned in this class I believe made me a better leader and a better manager of people.

           There is many flaws that I have in my interpersonal communication that I learned about myself in this class, including how to make them better. Throughout the terms this helped me to rekindle old friendships and contact people more for the benefit of myself and for them. Because in a weird way people need other people to be happy. We need to have an intimate circle of friends that share the human condition as well and can talk to you about it. Simple things such as failure, loss, success, embarrassment, what does this all mean without having other people to witness it. People are complex beings and it is worth the investment to study how to get along with them. Even if we do have people we don’t like it is important to understand it so you could deal with it in a better way. And I believe that having strong interpersonal skills would make you someone that a company wants since you can reach out to a diverse amount of people in a world that is becoming more and more so.

           During this course I learned how to work in a group in a more efficient way. Keeping contact with them through a variety of avenues, such as text, Gmail, face-to-face, we really worked well together. This is my last term at North Central and with my experience I taught them a thing or two about how groups work well together. I took them under my wing and showed them that we need to satisfy everyone’s needs in order to make things happen. We have to be adaptable and willing to accommodate every team member. My group was an interesting bunch and like I’ve said in a previous blog we were so different and got along pretty well. I never really envisioned that for us but I think we will be friends even after I graduate.

           This being my last term I believe the knowledge I took with me will help me in future job prospects. It will help me with future people that I will lead, and even just an interview. Being proficient in verbal and non-verbal skills are some of the main keys to having success in this as well as being confident and having a true knowledge of the self. And for my last words I want to thank you Professor Barber for giving me some light in a dark episode of my life. It meant the world that you worked with me to catch up and finish strong and that is something I will never forget. I wish you the best in all your future ventures and again this act of empathy and kindness will be forever burned in my memory. Thank you.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 9- Da Group

         It was a pleasure to work with my group again on the sales speech and it was also a lot of fun. Now that the term is coming to an end is was increasingly difficult to be able to meet up with each other, but we made it happen! Working with them I noticed the similarities that we share as people. We come from different backgrounds and some of us even different countries. But what unified us together was our personalities and the quirks that makes us unique. What stuck out to me is how similar our humors our and being able to relate to one another. I remember reading in the textbook about how we are drawn to people who are like us. Though this is not in any way saying that we are 100% similar but what did make us connect was our communication. We were all willing to compromise time to meet up late at night even though we had a million other things going on. We felt the empathy for one another if someone for example had to work or had a paper due the next day. Through working together all term we were able to understand each other as individuals and it is something we will take beyond the classroom.

       With the exception of the girls I would say that our group as a whole is diverse and otherwise different. That is because we had Shota who is a student from Japan and myself who is Mexican-American. It was interesting to see the way we would connect to try and form a relationship because at the end of the day we had to get along. This was very easy for us and we became friendly so fast. This was because we dug for areas where we were similar or just tried to make each other laugh. For example though I’m a HR major I have a passion for history and geography. Because of this I was able to talk to Shota about certain places in Japan and some of my favorite moments in Japans history. Michelle had previously taken some Japanese language courses so she was able to kind of talk to him in a different way that I’m sure he really appreciated and was also funny. I on the other hand am a little older than them and I’m a commuter so I did not really have those networks they have in people they know or events they go to it is just another day in class for me. We found out how to make everything gel though and I think this was primarily due to looking for where we are similar.

           We laughed a lot during the times we had together because I think we all had a taste for crude silly humor. Laughing together kind of tied us together and we were able to form a connection beyond just being a group. For example I kind of keep to myself when I’m in class unless I’m approached. I probably would have never even talked to Allie, Michelle, or Shota had it not been for the selected groups. Being with them and socializing with likeminded people really gave me something because I’m so used to being on my own. This was just a trait that I got accustomed to being at college because for a very long time (up to the last few weeks of this term) I was working full-time in a demanding job, and a student full-time at a demanding school. This predicament left me with little time for socialization so I always saw my time in the classroom or in the campus as just another destination in my day. Forming relationships with people even in a group setting reminded me how important relationships are to be with people who go through the same things you do besides our differences.

           Now this is all well and good and as close as we are now I know to well how college relationships go. We will soon begin to decline (at least I will for sure) because the thing that banded us together will be gone, the group, the class, gone. It is a dance I’ve dance in many of my terms here and my hip is still sore from all the dancing last term. I know my relationship with them will hit the step of termination but I will remember how important it is to continue to make friends and not be a loner (which I was for a reason!) I look back at my time in college at it is perhaps one of my regrets but a regret I could do little about, not making intimate relationships in campus. I have been with my girlfriend before North Central so I was never on the hunt, and all the friends that I had were primarily because of work. Because of this I cut the off the avenue for making friends on campus but my time with my group of interpersonal communication served as a microcosm for experiences that could have been had. They were an awesome bunch that though different from me, very similar. We just needed to find out what connects us and what made us gel as a group of people, and I think we achieved that.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 8- GF talk

This class was very exciting because it was finally our turn to present our chapter! It was a smooth process working with my team and it was actually really fun. We worked well together because we all cared about getting the project done on time and to a satisfactory level. We were all flexible with our time and had several meetings to practice and go over material to make sure we did not go over time. Our chapter/section was on maintaining interpersonal relationships and it was short but important for relationships. I feel we did well in our project and I very much look forward to presenting our fun business idea for the next group project. We have been working on something useful, yet funny for the next project. We will hope it will resonate with the class. I also thought it was awesome of professor Barber to give us Wednesday off! But unfortunately it caused a major oversight on my part and the blog post went over my head. L I prided myself in always having the posts on time..sorry!

           When talking about forgiving and asking for forgiveness it may seem simple and something you don’t have to be taught. But after reading the chapter I’m willing to wager that a lot of us don’t apologize correctly (including myself). I was reminding myself of all the times me and my girlfriend fought and she would say to me things like “you never apologize” or “you never admit you’re wrong”…looking at the steps it takes for apologizing correctly, she may have a point!! A lot of the time when I apologized I would either just say it to make her be quite or to try and repel any further discussion. In other words my words were not matching my non-verbal behaviors. I would say things like “yeah, I’m sorry” but have a blank, bored face ready to move on to the next minutes of my life. She obviously did not receive this well and probably did not even accept the apology let alone digest it.

           Another factor I looked back on is that every time I apologize for something I do frequently I always say it will be my last time. When I apologize during these events she does not even believe me anymore and just disregards the apology all together. I know I probably sound like a dirt bag but this is just pointing out when I’ve really messed up in my relationship. There have been times when I have apologized correctly where I took full accountability of my transgression and did not commit it again in the future. One time where I did this is when I had to pick her up from the train station because she was coming from the city (she works there). I had the amazing idea of day drinking delicious craft-beers and knocked down one too many till I passed out on the bed. Because of this I wasn’t able to pick her up and she had to find another ride. Though I did not tell her the nature of my slumber I did tell her that it was completely my fault and it would never happen again. I have been on time every single time now. Just one case of my life where I played with fire, but did not get burnt.

           I also connected with the 5 strategies for a rewarding relationship and identified the ones me and my girlfriend struggle with. I think one of the bigger one was social networks. We do not really hang out with each other’s friends or family and there are a few reasons for that. She grew up with only her mom and a super small extended family (like literally one other family). I on the other hand grew up with a bonanza of family and all the fiestas that come with it. I have many aunts, cousins, uncles, you name it. this makes her uncomfortable because she is not used to being around so much family and often times she does not care for visiting my mom or having a closer relationship with my brothers. And on top of that! There is a language barrier because my family predominantly speaks Spanish and she understands it but is not fluent. I mean, I get it….it is just the way things go and I obviously would not put her in a situation where she is uncomfortable. But at the same time I have to deal with all the gossip from my parents because they think she does not like them. Good grief.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 7: Date Moi

Week 7 Class was a very fun one because we started the “date me” exercise. It was an entertaining activity that gave us the opportunity to see what the girls liked in men (without interfering) and what the boys liked in girls. It was hard not to laugh at some of the things the girls were saying but I tried to keep my cool despite the traits, and dates that were being said. From what I got, the girls did not care too much about the physical appearance of their ideal man. They cared more about their demeanor, their habits, and just overall personality traits. They were smooth sailing in an activity were being brutally honest was the point, little did they know there was a ship coming that would unwind honest and maybe even a little obscene remarks about their ideal woman.

With the men however physical appearance was overwhelmingly looked at for the girls. I kind of like the fact that they were said on our part because the girls I felt held back and played it safe I think. There is obviously more things to be said about what each girl likes and they seldom debated what each person proposed. The guys on the other hand let loose like cannons on a pirate ship different traits, dates, personality flaws about the women they would like. I saw our group as pickier but also more honest and it should have been good information for the girls to forge the ‘perfect lady’. I’m sure we made it a little challenging and I can only imagine what is going through their mind as they are typing their hooks.

I was the undercover lady, which was kind of awkward. I did not think I would get the role of incognito woman but none-the-less I tried my best to type up something I would like. I tried to mix in the different traits/dates/habits we all said about our ideal partner and tried to keep it somewhere in the middle. My little “bio” might not get chosen as the most popular but at least it was a fair shot. I did not want to make an outrageous story, not my style. It was fun though writing from a girls perspective because I was thinking through all the standards we had set for the perfect partner. It went through my mind that ultimately there is no perfect person and all these fictions we have of the super-hot girl that cleans and cooks and is as patient as mother Theresa doesn’t exist. (Except for in the attics in our mind where she is dusting webs long-forgotten).

Though primarily driven by appearance I did notice that we differed to a decent extent about the dates. Some of the dorkier guys liked videogames, some of the jocks liked bars, and some of the wallflowers wanted a walk by the river. We were kind of all over the place but never acknowledged it, we were too busy trying to ramble over one another. This was a continuous theme during the activity however and something I think Professor Barber noticed (maybe in disappointment) L. But either way it was very fun.

In the beginning of ch.8 it talks about why we form relationships and this made me reflect on my own. I don’t have a lot of friends or people that I fully trust and can disclose just about anything. I have a select few that have won over my trust and I started breaking down what joined us together. Right off the bat, I’m selective over my “bromances”…they have to be respectable and with that comes some sort of talent, intelligence, or position at a job. They have to be able to take my venting or disclosing of feelings while they reciprocate back.  Basically I guess I would look to people like me who needs ego support. Two friends I can think of now I think will last the test of time because of how similar we are.

Because of my busy life style most of my relationships come from proximity, be it work or school. I meet most of my friends at work because I deal with a lot of people and therefore get to see many personalities. The two friends I mentioned above I met at work but we have stayed in touch even though we went our own ways. There are some relationships that I had to terminate however even with the initial proximity. There was one friend I met who never reciprocated the feelings of friendship I was getting. This ultimately led to a stagnation of the relationship where we began talking less and less and then it moved on to avoiding where we got “busy” out of nowhere. I feel kind of bad looking back at the relationship because it only really worked while we were in close proximity and now we are nothing.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 6- Presidential Debate Night

It has become quite the spectacle seeing our two candidates for president duke it out in these presidential debates. I have been watching all of them religiously and have payed close attention to their communication. When I found out the last debate was going to be Wednesday night October 19th, I was a little disappointed. How unlucky for the last debate to be on the night on my jumbo! (Also my favorite class). Not to worry, Professor Barber had our backs, on one condition! We tie back the debate to the chapter we were learning in class that day (Chapters 5-6). Those chapters had to do with language and non-verbal communication which are very important in a debate. This is due to the fact that all eyes are on the candidates and boy did they give us a lot to interpret!

           When talking about the impact language has on the audience that are viewing the candidates, I feel it’s important to talk about power. It is obvious that Mr. Trump and Secretary Clinton are continuously trying to one up one another and this turns really quickly into a power struggle. Not just in the fact that they are fighting for attention but in also in the manner they are talking. Trump tends to talk in a louder more aggressive tone while Hillary talks more composed and keeps her cool throughout (for the most part). Both candidates are 100% sure of themselves when they are communicating and they must be, so the people at home can have the impression of a good leader.

           Emotive language is huge for both candidates as well because it is a way of disagreeing with what the other person is saying. An interesting and a little disturbing example is when Trump is talking about abortion and babies being “ripped” out of their mothers. Not only is the language evoking great emotion it is also showing Trumps immense disagreement with abortion and anything having to do with the pro-choice stance. It is not as easy spotting emotive language with Hillary and this can be seen as maybe one of her strengths to the people. However she is still a politician and has to entice the people as well! You see her emotive language come through when she is speaking about Donald Trump and his unwillingness to share his tax returns. She will say things like Trump “refuses” to share his tax returns implying that he cannot be trusted with the countries money and should therefore not be trusted.

           Non-verbal communication is something that we can also interpret from both candidates since we are viewing the debates and seeing how they gesticulate and how they react to certain accusations. The funniest one to point out for me had to do with Hilary and her constant smiling after Trump had just thrown a barrage of accusations her way. Her smiling in my opinion can be both ways, she is either: smiling to show the people how ridiculous Trumps words are, or, they can be taken as an act of being nervous or embarrassed. Just because of how much I know regarding Hillary’s past and the DNC it is disturbing seeing her smile like that because many of the things Trump is accusing her of is fact. Of course, Hillary does what she can and shrugs it off with a warm (or creepy) smile.

           Both candidates did a good job of the regulating function of nonverbal communication because they are continually nodding their heads in approval, or in disagreement. Trump can be seen doing this a lot when Hillary is speaking about the plans she will be implementing if she were to become president. Trump will signal a nod of disapproval or smirk signaling he completely does not agree with what Hillary is saying. Trump, being the grand non-verbal communicator that he is also uses accenting when accusing Hillary of things. He wills say something like “it is because YOU (point) and Obama, that the country is where it’s at”.

           Lastly I want to analyze the face and eyes of the candidates and how they used it to their advantage or disadvantage. It is a little more noticeable for Trump because his eyes are always moving about. When he is going to say something that he feels strongly about or that he wants to emphasize he will open up his and say strongly what he is trying to get across. When he is listening to Hillary and in a more focused zone he squints his eyes and he gives off the impression that he is analyzing everything that she is saying and also wants to give the viewer the impression that he means business, and he is not happy. Hillary is more composed and I would say a little more stoic. A lot of her gesticulations or even eye and face movements seem a little “planned” and this is probably because she is obviously the more seasoned politician and debater. When she is talking seriously about issues that her camp is supporting she gives a stone cold eye glare to Trump. Her eyes open up more than usual when is talking about these issues and it is the best of what I could observe.

 This was a fun (and funny, sadly) activity!!!

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 5- Listening

The reading on chapter 7 (Listening) was one that I connected with a lot. At my job listening is an important skill to have because I have many people talking to me during the time I’m there. For example I have to listen to my boss, I have to listen to my team, and I have to listen to my peers. It is essential to be a good listener to excel at any managerial job or job where you have big responsibilities. This chapter provided excellent detail in listening and the various types one can do. Listening is also a big time skill for my major which is human resource management. It is something that I will have to be doing on a daily basis with many people within the company. I like to think of myself as someone with good listening skills mainly cause of my experience on the job but I also like having quality conversation with people and in order to have that one must be a good listener.

           When I ran into the advising section during my reading I thought of many things. I thought of school because obviously the word ‘advisor’ and how they help you with finding a solution with problems you may be facing in school. It is obvious the person giving feedback in this type of setting is an expert so there advice would be beneficial to take in. I see a lot of advising also at my job when asking for feedback from my superiors or whether I want a raise and have to talk to HR as to how to get to the pay raise. Advising for me can be important when you are getting the advice from an expert and someone who could give you valuable information.

           When I read the types of ineffective listening ‘defensive listening’ stuck out to me in particular. It reminded me of growing up with authoritative parents and whenever I would question my father he took it as a personal attack. I never meant for clarification and understanding not to insult him. But because of the defensive listening he was doing he saw it as a question of his authority and wisdom. It is almost as if one is not ‘worthy’ enough to ask a direct question. I see this a lot at work too when I ask one of my peers who have been there longer direct questions about the way we are doing the job. He can get defensive and have the type of attitude where it’s ‘who are you to be asking me questions’.

           I laughed when I read about pseudo listening because this might be a form of ineffective listening that I’m guilty of. When I and my girlfriend are speaking and she is talking about her day like when she was at her job she can go on many tangents. Instead of listening to each tangent carefully I act like I’m listening and give her the impression that I’m paying attention. It comes down to the fact that I’m really not interested in what she is saying or that she is not presenting it correctly to me. I blame her mom for that because her mom is the same way. When she visited us last week for a few days I saw proof of this, thus the level of pseudo listening was at an all-time high. I do not think it is a good trait of mine and I have been looking to improve upon it to better my communication skills.

           Because of my tendency to pseudo listen during casual conversation it can be difficult for me to remember things. This is something that can really tick off my girlfriend because she will say something like “I told you this already” and she hates when she has to repeat herself. This also connects to work when my boss gives me a lot of information on days that I see her and she overloads me with it. Sometimes I do not retain everything she said and the next time she sees me she will ask me why I did not carry out certain things she wanted. By now we all know my manager is a crappy communicator so it is not surprise that she will fault me for it.

           What I have been trying to work on these days is look for the key ideas of what someone is saying. Even my girlfriend who can be long-winded in her talk has a central ideas. So instead of glossing over what she is saying and pseudo listen I skim over it like I would a dense book and look for the purpose of the “paragraph” if you will. This has proven to be very effective because I can ask follow up questions and when I do that she is enthused to keep talking and it puts her in a positive mood. Even if it’s like a “wow that does sound like a rough day” the speaker appreciates it and I in turn feel good about making them a little happier. (Win-win) Everyone is different in the manner that they get their point across so it is important to be patient and find out their purpose or central ideas.

[joelsecondcity]

Missed Weeks- extra blog entry

This past couple weeks have been rough for me and my family with the passing of my father. It was sudden and short notice and I did not expect to fall behind in my course work like I did. However with this event now past at least externally I’m having a realistic expectations of myself and trying to finish the term as strong as possible.

There has been a lot of e-mailing on my part to let professors know what happened as well as the dean of students. This emails had to be a of a serious tone to let them know I’m not just blowing off class. This is my last term so it can seem like the normal thing to do for some, but I came into this term more determined than ever so my dad could see me graduate. Something that sadly wont happen anymore...but I know he is looking. and I know I can make him proud.

That being said I knew that if I want to be successful for the rest of the term I would have to drop work at least for a month. So I got in contact with the human resource team as well as my manager and notified them that I would need a personal leave because of what happened. I was going back and forth with this because I can have a perfectionist ego where I want everything under control and smooth, but I knew what had to be done and the consequences of postponing this term.

I feel good because I’m only two weeks behind (i know it sounds like a lot) but I think with the support of my professors and with my grit I can come out through this a better and stronger person. I want to hold a good expectation of whats to come in the following weeks leading up to finals and with the extra time I will have I know I can do it.

My perceived self is someone that goes through the pain and comes out on top, that being said maybe someone that sacrifices too much but it is all for the better since I have future value in in. (finishing school, becoming a better person).

I do not mind disclosing my situation to my professors because I hope they see that I’m someone that is just trying to succeed and life happened. There is some professors that have reciprocated my honesty and for that I’m grateful because this is something that  is very real to me and I want to surmount. In the past not being honest with my professors when I needed help put me in a bad spot. Today I have a different outlook and take advantage of all the resources available to me so I can graduate on time.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 4- Conflict

           This blog post entry was of great interest to me because it has to do with interpersonal communication and conflict with others. As everyone else I have been through my shares of conflict with other people and it is something that we will come into contact no doubt in the workplace. I have had peers that I have disagreed with, professors that I have disagreed with, and many others. We all have different values, beliefs, and attitudes and it is natural to come into disagreement with some of them. I want to talk about some of the key terms that I connected most with and also some experience that I have had in connection to them.

One term that stuck out to me during this chapter was interrupting. Often times my friends who I have disagreements with love interrupting me when I’m trying to get my point across. The responses can be of all kinds but it mostly irrelevant I think or when they have nothing to do with what I’m actually talking about. I think this has to do with the other person not putting any real care or interest about what you are talking about and it comes off as rude and uncaring. Irrelevant responses are the ones that irk me the most because I see them the most often I think. We want to be listened to when we speak to have a sense of acknowledgement and irrelevant responses just throws that out the window.

           I think that ambiguous responses are the ones we often might see especially on social media. That is when their responses are really vague and they could be implying something they cannot directly say. This one could be annoying too for me because if you are really looking forward to hanging out with someone and they hit you with a sort of ambiguous response you feel like you have been discounted or that they do not take you seriously. I find ambiguous responses more through the form of text because through person I think it would be a lot easier to unpack what the sender is saying. This reminds me of a good friend I used to have at work. During work hours when we saw each other face-to-face we would be very communicative and we would have good conversation. But then when she found another job and we continued our friendship through text message or social media it went to the ground. I believe this to be because of her ambiguous responses through text which led to uninteresting conversation. Knowing her I think that she is just not too great at expressing herself through text but the message and the tone of it to me seemed uninterested and that caused me to not message her as much.

           Under disagreeing messages the one that I connected with the most was argumentativeness. At my job since we are third shift we have a natural tendency to look at the other shifts in a bad light. This is because often times they leave work unfinished, areas unclean, or things still to be discovered to us. They view the third shift workers as the ones that pick up their slack and in order to correctly protest what they do we have to be argumentative. Being aggressive or complaining won’t solve the issues we have with the other shifts because they may not lead to clear solutions, they could actually cause hostility and make things worse. This is why when we get the chance to talk to the other managers we maintain a positive climate and try to argue for our points and show how their points could be bettered.

           In confirming messages endorsement stuck out to me the most in relation to my manager. My manager will recognize us our ideas, our messages, our e-mails, that’s fine. She may even acknowledge us from time to time and listen to our ideas closely and put them into perspective. But I have never felt my ideas endorsed by her to the best sense. Something that relates to this is when I first got promoted as a Team Leader and I was ready to important changes, so I thought. Knowing first-hand how it felt to be working there as a team member I felt I could relate to them in a manner the other leaders could not. I had some ideas that could support a positive climate and I presented them to my manager in an effort to make changes. I felt that she ended up acknowledging them but not endorsing them or considering them of true importance. What is funny about this story is that still to this day (about a year now) we still face problems relating to the ideas I shared. I feel like one day my degree of influence will be greater to the point where I can make those changes.

           Preventing defensiveness in others was a section that I found amusing in relation to my job. One of my manager’s favorite phrases is “why are you getting defensive”, I have always felt like the way she communicates is beyond poor but then to ask why I’m the one getting defensive is beyond annoying. Looking at Gibb’s categories I can see (without surprise) that she connects most with the defensive behaviors rather than the supportive behaviors. The way she evaluates things has always been poor and defensive. For example if we had a busy night where we are slammed with work and we are doing everything possible to finish, she will still throw in mid-day through the work that “we are behind”.  This phrase reminded me of “this is a mess”, and it will provoke defensive behaviors if she talks like that. I enjoyed reading this section because I know now that ‘defensiveness’ goes both ways.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog Post 3- Perception &Emotion

Last lecture started the beginning of group presentations and there was a lot to look forward to.  We briefly talked about the midterm and it was cool to me that Professor Barber gave us some freedom in how our midterm would be conducted. I think we ended up deciding that we would choose a video format like a movie or a television show which works out for me because I voted for this. I liked how class was set up today because after the quizzes she started with a lecture and then let one of the groups present. It gave us some background knowledge going into their presentation, so it was a nice primer and it got us ready for their material. I’m looking forward to the midterm because everything that we have learnt thus far has been interesting material.

The group that did perception did a good job particularly with the group activity they had planned for us. Thinking of an example of something we perceive or judge without knowing the truth we do every day. For me it was easy to relate to this and our group used it as an example of work and not being able to show up to a meeting. I work overnights which is unconventional to most students, (I pull it off though) and often times they do not understand that I run differently because of it. I may oversleep on a day we are supposed to meet, or maybe will not be able to meet in the evenings at all. Most people cannot understand this until I tell them and of course they are quick to judge me via text or email to remind me of how irresponsible I’m. These days I make sure I establish what I am and I’m not capable of. If you establish this and tell them your realistic flexibility things should be ok.

The group that did emotions knocked it out of the park and I was surprised by their level of showmanship. I think they did an awesome job connecting the content to the class and they broke it down on a level that we could all understand. Their use of skits was something that I admired and thought of a fun idea to make the presentation more engaging. I could really connect with the idea of the job interview and how being confident and prepared can make the difference between landing the job or not. (But not McDonald’s). When they did their bit about the crush and not having the guts to talk to her, it reminded me of when I went through similar experiences in middle school.

On the chapter of emotions I could relate to the fear of disclosure very well. At work it is very difficult for me to express my emotions to my bosses thinking that they will judge me on it. If I’m having a bad day or I had a bad day in class going into work I’d rather not express it at work and keep it to myself. I feel like this can sometime be bad because I tend to act differently when I’m angry and maybe I can come across as being an ass-hole or passive aggressive. Making myself vulnerable is already hard enough with people that are close to me, let alone my boss…(whom I secretly hate). If I need to get something across to her that is emotional I cloak it in simple terms like ‘I feel sick’, or ‘I have a headache’. What this really can mean is ‘I’m behind in school’, ‘I don’t want to be hear all night’, etc.

Reading about emotional contagion was so funny to me because again, I related it back to work. I feel that I and the boss that I work with “kind-of-sort-of” hate our jobs. She gets payed salary and therefore a lot more cheese, but she still comes in a bad mood a lot of the time and unenthused. It’s funny because I can come in like this too after a long day of class or after a long day without much sleep. There are days however when I come in focused, and ready to work and her negative emotion rubs off on me! This is vice versa because I feel like my emotions also rub off on her. I’m pretty conscious about this even before reading about emotional contagion…this was just validation. I try and make changes to my emotional state so it doesn’t rub off on her because I know nothing good can come from being in a crappy mood. Instead I try to act serious and stern instead of in a lethargic or annoyed mood.

I thought the idea of self-talk was also pretty cool because it is the way we monitor how we feel. We all do it and it is primarily how we interpret the things that are said to us. Relating this back to work. When we have a busy night sometimes my manager will say something like “I think we are behind”, I interpret this to meaning that she thinks I’m doing a bad job and this will most likely make me angry inside. It makes me angry because she thinks we are behind but is unwilling to suggest any solutions. She would rather just tell the team leaders that ‘we are behind’ rather than come up with some functional solutions. Especially in the retail world I interpret their jargon very well and I can tell when someone is telling me something negative guised in a normal word or statement.

Overall this week went by awesome and I was happy to learn and read about perception and emotions. These are things that we go through every day and educating ourselves on these ideas can help us become better people and help us understand how to make better decisions and reflect on the poor ones we have made. It ties in with interpersonal communication also because we will be able to see it more among the people we communicate with because we will have a background knowledge of how interpersonal communication works. I look forward to the next week of lecture and also the next group presentations!

[joelsecondcity]

Blog 2- Breaking The ICE and warming up.

The second week of intercultural communication was very fun and also equally informative. We got the opportunity to learn about one another with the two assignments we had due for the day which were ‘my life is a lie’ and ‘who I am’. Both these assignments were really personal and gave us a look inside to who the person is really like. It was interesting for me because I really have always just kept to myself my time in college and to have this simple, fun activity was refreshing. I appreciated all my peer’s openness during their presentations and the compliments we left on each others projects were heartwarming and inspiring. I thought about how simple the project was but I also appreciated the genius behind it that is breaking down walls, making yourself vulnerable to people so facilitate intercultural communication and for that I appreciated Professor Barber. I know the focus for these projects is on the class and understanding one another but I would have liked Professor Barber to join in! I’m sure she’s got some interesting lies she could have shared.

           I’ve got to say putting together my ‘who I am’ project was a good time. I haven’t worked on something so personal and artistic since I was in high school and it was fun getting together the materials to work on my sort of collage that I had going on. Making the poster’s we identified how we saw ourselves be it good or bad and for me it was weird to put the defects on their. It was weird because we still do not know the class very well but through these sorts of projects we start getting a better sense of who they are without even communicating. I enjoyed people’s pictures and experiences as well as their insecurities. It makes you remember that we are all not that different and we share many of the same ideas about ourselves. If we learned to be open to one another we could make more meaningful relationships that stretch beyond the classroom. (Or not) J

           When I presented my ‘my life is a lie’ project I feel my peers got a feel for my sense of humor. Normally they would just think I’m quiet, serious, or uninterested. But in actuality my mind is a terrible thing to waste and I’m always wondering about something in my mind. (Like I’m sure others do to). Though I may have come off a little ‘cold’ or ‘mean’ with my jokes I feel it was all in good spirit and I hope they appreciated my honesty for all my examples were genuine. I know some of my classmates took advantage of their imagination and fabricated scenarios, but for me it was not the case and you got the raw, uncensored dose of la Vida Loca. Saying that, I think a theme that will continue in my blogs and maybe even class discussion will be my job. I’m a full time employee so I spend a great deal of my life at work and there is so many scenarios and learning experiences to be had and expanded upon. Somehow I always find a way to connect what we learned in class to my job, which I think is normal.

           When we spoke about the self-fulfilling prophecy in lecture it really got me thinking about all the moments I set myself up for this. I work overnight shift and it is really easy to come in with a negative attitude and feel like I’m going to go through the worst night right now. I find that whenever I come in with these thoughts I actually do worse and I get more forgetful about things. I start flooding my mind with thoughts like, ‘I hate this job’, ‘I can’t wait till I graduate so I can quit’. ‘I’m so underpaid for what I do’, and the list goes on. These thoughts can be toxic for the self and will lead you down the wrong direction when trying to accomplish your goals for the day.

When thinking about someone having a self-fulfilling prophecy on me I right away thought about my manager. I feel like she isn’t exactly happy with the job she has, she moved overnight from day shift, from a less demanding department, now finding herself in the business of overnight merchandising. It’s not a walk in the park to do our job because we are sweating, catering needy team members, breaking up fights, you name it. It is a strange realm where the only reason people are working there ‘passionately’ is because the absolutely need the shift (such is the case with me). But I digress, since she is not a big fan of her current tittle my manager finds ways to take her frustrations out on me and I feel like every time we come in she is coming in with the attitude that I will do something wrong tonight and she will let me know in the manner that she does (which is annoying to the point of giving me a minor brain hemorrhage).

           Another topic that captivated me from this lecture was that on perfectionism. I have had problems with this in the past where I want to do everything perfect and not mess up anything but it is always to my own detriment. When I started working and going to school I was always so hard on myself to be a good leader, but also a good student and it really got to me sometimes when I was faltering in one or the other. It is an issue I had when I first started at North Central College because I was not used to the pace of the trimester courses and I felt like a loser. I felt like I wasn’t good enough because things were not going perfectly and it really made me feel like quitting or taking a break from college. After my self-esteem took a blow I began to really think about what I wanted and gave myself realistic goals. I knew that in order to succeed I had to give up free time like friends, video-games, beer, whatever. And I was willing to do it so I can carry out a balance that made me happy between school and work. Now I’m on my last term and I think I did a good job of evaluating the self and creating a new identity for myself.

[joelsecondcity]

Blog 1

For the first day of class we touched on matters having to do with interpersonal communication (duh). We outlined the basics and briefly defined important terms such as; external stimuli, encoding, decoding, frame of reference, code, channel, feedback, and environment to name some. Because I took an intercultural communication course a while back I already understood some of these terms and what they meant in the context of communication. The textbook (despite the whole mix up) was actually an interesting read and it provides super relate-able examples that even include social media in their catalogue. I find Professor Barber really interesting and kind (knock on wood) and I can only imagine all the experiences she has to share with us. Looking forward to the rest of the coming weeks!

Comparing interpersonal and impersonal communication made me think of the relationships I have in my life. A lot of the impersonal I have with people I do not feel comfortable sharing my real self. People like acquaintances, my manager, and family I may not be close to the communication will be impersonal. It is more like talking to a stranger and the breadth of the communication is not that wide. The people whom I communicate inter-personally I thought of my siblings, close friends and co-workers and just people in general who I trust and am committed too. I agreed with the discussion we had in class where interpersonal relationships give you an “intrinsic” reward because this type of communication allows you to get valuable feedback and a sense of companionship you otherwise would not have with impersonal communication.

As I reflected upon this idea of impersonal and interpersonal communication I realized how much I dislike impersonal communication. I value communication that has substance or is qualitative in nature and I feel like impersonal can come off as phony. The best example I have is from experiences I have at work. I work as a shift manager at Target and I noticed that there is a very “fake-friendly” atmosphere about retail. I not only dislike it but it makes me uncomfortable when I chat with the other managers and it feels like they are forcibly being friendly and asking about your weekend or your day when in reality you know they are just asking to be polite. The relationship is definitely impersonal but because of the culture the organization wants to foster, they want you to be super extroverted and act like you care about the other person’s life almost to an interpersonal level. Personally I see right through it and it grinds my gears!

It is easy to look over the benefits that communication gives us to us as human beings. We need it for many reasons some of which include physical, social, and for our own self (identity). Since we are communicating on a daily basis in one shape of another it is easy to not look at the details of what makes someone a good or bad communicator. It is important to flesh out these details because working on communication skills is an investment that will no doubt help you for the rest of your life. I’m also taking a public speech course for the Fall term and I learned there that something that employers seek in new graduates is seasoned skills in public speaking, this made me happy that I took two communication courses this term!

I have always prided myself in my ability to relate to my team at work and it makes my job easier knowing that I possess the communication skills to motivate a group of people to get the job done. I feel like communication is something that is underrated when it comes to students and their professional prospects and it can mean the difference between being the manager that is liked, or hated. Communication errors could be the reasons for a lot of the pitfalls you may face on the job and facing them head-on as well as asking those with more experience that you on how to communicate more effectively is important in your professional development.

           Something that caught my attention from the reading on chapter 1 under, “what makes an effective communicator” was the subsection of empathy. I’m one of three team leaders at the Super Target in Warrenville, IL and my current manager is not popular among us and of the reasons I believe is because of her lack of feeling empathy for her leadership team (us). She is not able to see and experience the other person’s situation to understand them better and therefore is very cold when it comes to accommodating for something a person may need. An example for me was when I told her I could no longer work Wednesday’s because of my hefty school schedule. Instead of understanding where I was coming from and trying to figure out a plan with me, she got frustrated and made me feel like a burden for reaching out for her support. A couple days later we worked it out okay but the initial reaction she had left an impression on me.

I was also able to connect with the physical needs’ portion of why we communicate. I spend a lot of my time occupied with school and work so it is difficult for me to maintain close relationships. I do however have a few people whom I can confide personal information with where the breadth and detail is very profound. I’m able to be on the phone with these friends for 20 minutes and feel like the quality of that interaction was good enough to inspire me and just overall fulfill my need for having an intimate conversation with someone. So to end this thought, I learned that most of my relationships right now are qualitative rather than quantitative. Even on Facebook I keep the quantity of my friends modest, I don’t get a rush from having thousands of fake-friends on a site. I like to keep to myself and I allow only those whom I trust to see the real dimensions of my personality.

           We spoke in class about social media and being cautious about material one is posting. It is becoming more frequent for companies to look over a candidate’s social media to see if it is “clean” or free from obscene material that the company may not agree with. This motivated me to go through my Facebook and twitter and made sure I filtered out possible unsavory posts and I made sure it was more professional. Social media is becoming a new method for companies to see who we the candidates are before they decide to extend a job offer, it is therefore important to think about whether it’s appropriate what you might have on there.