Secretly a Virgin || Joel is unaware you're a virgin and gets too rough.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter three
Keeping An Eye Out || Joel becomes protective of his alcoholic neighbors daughter.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
A Brothers Secret || Joel is secretly in love with Tommy's girlfriend and comforts her while he is in jail.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
True Feelings || Joel realizes his feelings for you when Tommy begins to date you.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
A Jealous Game || Tess is jealous with how protective Joel is of you.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Risky Business || After a one night stand with Marlene's daughter, she ends up pregnant.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Pretty Girl || Joel Miller has always ignored the attraction heâs felt towards you, especially being that your father and him are close friends in Jackson. Until one night, Joel doesnât feel he can ignore whatâs in front of him.
Chapter One: Just a Drink
Dancing Girl || Joel catches you dancing alone after a sleepover with Sarah. You soon realize you have a crush on your dadâs bestfriend..
Chapter One
Forbidden Distraction || When someone from your past arrives to Jackson, Joel becomes protective over you, leading to a connection that he never expected to have with you.
Chapter One
Someone to Lean On || A single mom living next to Joel, he finds himself wanting to help you leading to feelings that begin to grow..
Chapter One
Danger Lurking || Coparenting with Joel, he finds out the man youâre newly dating is a danger.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Joel Miller One shots
Joel suffers PTSD accidentally hurting you
After giving birth, Joel is over protective of you
Joel feels guilty after you suffer a miscarriage
Joel notices a man bothering you through his rear view mirror
Joel is assigned to assist a blind woman
You and Joel tell Ellie you're expecting a baby
Joel is forced to take Ellie when his wife is 7 months pregnant
Joel takes care of his girlfriend who suffers from anxiety and depression
Joel feels insecure with his age difference and leaves you only to find out you were SA
Joel reacts in a cruel way when finding out you're pregnant
Sarah is in college and brings home a friend Joel is secretly attracted to
Joel acts like he doesn't like you until he comes across your rapist
Joel finds out you were pregnant and miscarried while he was on a work trip with Tommy
Joel sleeps with his innocent married next door neighbor after fixing her sink.
Joel continues an affair with his innocent neighbor, having a quickie in her backyard while her husband is home.
Joel deals with upsetting his overly sensitive eight month pregnant wife.
During a car ride Joel attempts to hide his erection from you along with feelings he knows he shouldnât have for his friendâs daughter.
Joel catches you reading smut
Sarah is out of town and asks her father to pick you up from a drunk night out
Joel gets locked out of his house drunk and knocks on your door
Joel triggers your PTSD when he gets drunk
Your drunk ex comes into the Millers bar where you work looking for trouble
Pregnant reader saves Joel from Abby
Joel has a dangerous reputation in the QZ, so when you run into him you are afraid of him until he shows you another side to him.
Joel struggles to fight temptation with Sarahâs bestfriend after heâs forced to share a bed with her.
Joel and you have broken up towards the end of your pregnancy until Sarah convinces you to come to Tommyâs annual Christmas party.
Joel teaches Marleneâs younger sister about how a man cums.
Javier Pena
Javier finds out his ex girlfriend is now dating one of Escobars men and trys to help her.
You are intimate with Javier for the first time after being SA
Javier gets close to you to get information and unexpectedly falls for you
You're a DEA agent who accidentally gets hurt and tries to hide it from Javi
General Marcus Acacius
Forced to marry General Marcus Acacius to save your brother
hi! Thank you so much for responding to my request you really didnât have to. i honestly wouldnât mind either eras of Joel for the avoidant Joel and attached reader trope. I just really enjoy/ appreciate your work and I thought you would be the perfect creator to make this possible so I truly would not mind any of your ideas!
Hey, got cha! And thank you so much, really appreciate that đ„čđ
avoidant/emotionally detached joel along with attached reader who eventually loses hope of joel ever letting her in and later resorts to ending the relationship while joel does everything in his power to get her back
Iâve never seen this trope before on this platform so im a bit intrigued and almost obsessed with this idea along with the fact that I love a good angst of course
i love your writing btw itâs seriously phenomenal
thank you for your work đ€
Hi! Love this trope, did you want a Jackson version of this or pre-outbreak?
Also thank you very much, really appreciate that đ
ugh I love that last dbf Joel please tell me youâre gonna make it into a series, also are we able to give an suggestions for that series? On what can happen next after she confronts Joel about not deleting her nude
Thank you!! Yes it is a series. And yes please feel free to send in any ideas, I will take them into consideration. Just started chapter 2 now
[SUMMARY: You accidentally send a nude to your neighbor Joel Miller]
Masturbation
It was like any other evening, except today you decided to take some pictures of yourself that you knew Josh would enjoy. Josh and you werenât anything serious, just a fling that started after you came home from college. He lived a few blocks away and would come around when your dad was at work, it was nice not having any strings attached. It wasnât exactly your thing to send nudes but you decided to surprise him. One spicy topless photo, you smiled to yourself with excitement loving how it came out. He had just been texting you and you knew heâd love the unexpected tease. Giggling to yourself you attached the photo along with a message.
âCanât wait for you to suck on them tonight.â
And sent.
Thatâs when you felt the ultimate sinking feeling in your stomach. Joshâs name was no longer at the top of the text thread..
Joel Miller.
âOh shit!â You felt your stomach twist into a knot as you rushed pulling your straps back up.
âOh my godâŠoh my godâ you panicked, your fingers moving quickly back and forth between Joshâs thread and Joelâs. How the hell did it get to Joel? You scrolled up as you swallowed nervously, your heart pounding when you noticed his text.
âHey, no need to get burgers for the BBQ tomorrow. Your dad said you were stopping to grab some today, Tommy and I already did. See you tomorrow.â You stared blankly at the text.
The fucking BBQ.
Your dads annual Memorial Day BBQ.
Your hands still shaking, how the hell were you suppose to come back from this? Accidentally sending a nude to your neighbor? Your dadâs friend? Then you had to face him the very next day, it felt like a damn nightmare.
Joel, Iâm so sorry. That was not meant for you.
Please forget this happened.
You sent the text and threw your phone on the bed.
~~
Joel stood in the kitchen after a long day at work, he grabbed a beer from the fridge when his phone lit up. He figured it was you, responding about the burgers. Taking a sip of his beer he practically choked on his drink when he realized what you sent him.
Surely it was an accident.
Joel wiped his mouth and turned placing his phone on the counter. Almost afraid to touch it but unable to look away.
âJesusâ he whispered to himself.
Joel found himself analyzing the photo, the straps to your tank top pulled down, the way you bit your bottom lip, the glare of the sun from your window directly hitting your breasts.
Then another text appeared.
Joel, Iâm so sorry. That was not meant for you.
Please forget this happened.
Before he could even register the text the sound of the door opened making him quickly exit out of the message thread and clear his throat.
âThe hells wrong with you? Look like you seen a ghostâ Tommy joked as he walked past him.
Joel took another sip of his beer and shoved his phone in his pocket.
âYeah uh- just a long day. Sarah should be home soon, Mileyâs dad is driving her back.â
âOk, Iâll order some pizzaâ Tommy called out from his room as Joel walked to his.
He needed to be alone after what he just saw. Still in disbelief he sat at the edge of his bed, leaning forward he brushed his hand over his face before sitting back up and reaching back in his pocket.
Hesitantly he clicked on your name and there it was. His eyes focused on the image before him, something he wasnât suppose to see. Something he knew he should delete it but he couldnât stop looking at, his eyes lingering on every part of you he could see. The soft curve of your neck, the way your thin gold chain sat delicately on your collarbone. The charm shaped into a heart sat on your chest, his eyes moved lower just where the curve of your breasts began. They were plump, nipples erect, thatâs when he felt his cock twitch in his pants. His thumb hovered just over them, he pictured how soft they must feel when suddenly your fatherâs name flashed on his screen.
âShit-â he stood up almost panting, pacing back and forth in the room as the phone rang realizing what he was just doing. He looked down at his phone again, your fathers name continuing to flash on the screen. He took a deep breath and without thinking twice answered the call.
âYeah, Bobby?â
âHey, just wanted to ask if you can do me a favor, Iâm getting stuck at work later than expected. If you can just pick up a few boxes of beers for the BBQ and drop them off at the house tonight, Iâll give you the money when I see you. My schedule wonât give me time.â
Dropping them off at the house meant seeing you. Before Joel could even find a way out your father was interrupted with work and quickly thanked Joel for the favor and hung up.
âTommy!â Joel called as he walked out of his bedroom hoping his brother was still around. Of course he stepped out again with his luck. Defeated, Joel grabbed his keys and walked out.
~~
Joel hadnât said a word which made it all the more humiliating. You could barely look at your phone, even telling Josh you wanted to reschedule for another night.
Then you heard the bell.
âWhy would he still show upâ You whispered to yourself as you paced down the stairs going straight for the door.
âDidnât you get my mes-â you opened the door to see Joel standing before you. Your skin instantly getting hot, you felt your stomach turn.
âJoel-â you whispered.
âUh- your dad called me. Asked me to drop me these off for tomorrowâ he could barely look you in the eye. His hands fidgety as he distracted himself with anything to stop himself from looking at you.
âOh..um-â you looked down at the boxes of beer. He took advantage in that second to steal a glance before quickly looking away.
âIâll bring them to the fridge out back-â
âI got emâ he quickly picked up the boxes, all four of them at once. You awkwardly stepped aside and let him make his way out the back door and he began to stack the fridge full with beers. You stood close by watching, arms crossed unsure of what to say but knowing something had to be said.
Once he finished he stared into the fridge for a moment, hand on the door as if he was searching for something.
Probably stalling having to turn back to you.
You swallowed nervously before blurting out words you barely thought over.
âIâm sorry about the pictureâ Joel stiffened before taking a double look at you as he closed the fridge door.
âHuh? Yeah- itâs-â
âIt was meant to be sent to someone else, I didnât notice you had just texted me.â
âFigured that much.â Joel turned towards you but still couldnât find it in him to look directly at you. Hands in his pockets he stood still, wishing your dad would just appear.
âYou canât even look at meâ you whispered with an embarrassed smile, your words making him finally look up at you, his jaw tensing up. And in that moment you realized you didnât know how the hell you could even be looking at him.
âI uh-â you suddenly lost your train of thought.
âUm- can we just somehow pretend it never happened?â You spoke quickly then bit your bottom lip nervously looking away. Joelâs gaze darkened at the sight of you doing exactly what you were doing in the photo. He made himself look away.
As if he could pretend it never happened.
All he could think about from the moment you opened the damn door were your breasts.
He caught himself getting lost at the image in his head and cleared his throat straightening himself up.
âBetter get back, Iâll see yâall tomorrow.â He looked at you for one short moment and gave you a nod before quickly walking out.
~~
Joel stared at his ceiling that night fighting the urge to take another look at the picture. Finding it hard to delete it.
He knew he shouldâve.
Looking over at his nightstand he reached over for his phone. He clicked on the messages, his thumb hovering over your name. Without thinking he clicked it and there it was. Joel took a deep breath as his eyes instantly began tracing the curve of your breasts and then he read over the message.
Canât wait for you to suck on them tonight.
His cock throbbed, he quickly put the phone face down beside him and brushed his hand over his face.
âThe hell am I doinâ?â He muttered to himself. His breathing quickened, his hand rested on his chest as the most intimate thoughts ran through his mind. The thought of how you must feel, the thought of his very hands cupping them. He was now rock hard beneath his boxers, his hand reaching belowâŠhe couldnât resist. He cursed at himself grabbing the phone, your picture still there in front, his other hand shoving his boxers down far enough for his cock to spring up out of them. He looked over and knocked over his alarm clock desperately grabbing a bottle of lotion.
And he let his mind go to work.
His hand closing around his shaft, he started off with slow steady strokes.
Joel pictured his tongue sliding over your nipples, he pictured himself sucking on them as you moaned pulling him closer against you.
The thought of you moaning made him move faster, his precum building up at the tip of his cock. His chest rising and falling deeply the faster he moved, he couldnât get his eyes off your breasts. The thought of you riding him as they bounced freely, he groaned involuntarily, the noise slipping out on a breath like his body betrayed him. Joel hadnât felt something this intense building up inside in a long time. His hand moving rapidly as he imagined how your pussy must feel like tightening around him. The thought of you riding him and using his body to your advantage. The thought of you cumming all over his cockâhis cum shot out of him. He panted as the phone fell onto the bed, his hips jolting upwards against his hand as he moaned as low as he was able to so he wouldnât be heard throughout the house.
âJesus Christ-â he looked down as his cum spilled out of him over his hand, his face flushed as he threw his head back barely able to catch his breath. His hand didnât move, he lay still panting for dear life realizing what heâd just done.
Maybe now that he relieved himself, just maybe..he could move on from it.
~~
You could smell the charcoal from your window as you got ready for the BBQ. Your dad excitedly prepping the food playing some of his favorite music as guests slowly began to arrive. It was still early as you went through your wardrobe deciding what to wear, you were excited to see Josh tonight. You went with a soft pink sundress you hadnât worn in a couple years. Looking at yourself in the mirror you put a drop of lipgloss on when you heard Joelâs voice out your window. Replaying what happened yesterday and hearing his laughter outside with your dad made your cheeks flush.
You took a deep breath and shook it off, focusing on Josh tonight was all you needed.
Greeting a few of the neighbors as you made your way by the pool in the back you had a quick laugh with your friend Serena. The sound of your laughter distracted Joel as your father spoke about yesterdayâs game. Your dadâs eyes on the grill as Joel stood close by with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a cold beer.
Light caught the fabric of your dress when you moved, and for a second Joel justâŠstopped listening. His eyes wandering over the dress you wore. What the hell were you thinking coming down here in that, knowing what youâd just sent him. The dress complimented your breasts perfectly, your gold hearted chain sitting just above the sight of your cleavage.
He took a step to the side, dragging his gaze away like it cost him something, staring instead at the edge of the table as if it had suddenly become interesting.
â-Yeah,â he said absently, realizing your dad was still talking. He gave a short nod that didnât match whatever heâd just agreed to.
You didnât notice. Of course you didnât.
You moved through the yard easily, hair catching the sun, completely unaware of the way Joel had gone still again the moment you were in his line of sight.
He took a slow sip of his drink, jaw tightening just slightly, like he could will his thoughts back into place if he tried hard enough.
Then you looked up and for a moment you both locked eyes. He didnât look away as fast as he shouldâve, thatâs when you realized a certain look in his eye. A look you had never seen in him. It distracted you for a just a moment until Josh came into view blocking the sight of Joel.
âHey gorgeous!â
âHi!â You smiled awkwardly as he picked you up for a hug.
âCareful my dadâs close byâ you whispered with a giggle. Yes, you may have been a grown adult but you didnât want your dad knowing who you were messing around with. He looked at Josh so respectfully, God knows he wouldnât if he knew what you two were up to.
Joel watched from a distance, of course it was Josh. Sonnyâs son from the hardware store, he shouldâve known. He never really liked the kid, just never knew why.
âJoel!â Bobbyâs voice snapped him out of it.
âThe hell you starinâ at?â He chuckled looking over, thankfully you and Josh had moved elsewhere.
âIâm asking if you want a burger, theyâre readyâ
âOh yeah-â he cleared his throat awkwardly.
âYeah, sure.â
~~
The evening went on, Joel sat with Tommy and Bobby sharing a few stories, having a few laughs. Sarah played in the pool with a few of her friends as everyone enjoyed the warm day.
Joel could still hear you at times laughing sitting with your friends, sitting next to Josh. Thatâs when a few others left the party, clearing out the space enough where you and Josh were no longer blocked from his view. Still, you were distracted with your stories to notice your father looking your way.
âSo Josh huh?â Tommy chuckled nudging Bobby. Joel sat silently waiting for your dadâs reaction.
âAhh, theyâre just friends. Heâs a good kid, I trust him aroundâ
âJust friends alrightâ Joel muttered under his breath before taking a sip of his beer.
Tommy excused himself to use the restroom while your dad went in to check what was left in the fridge. You noticed both of them walking in and looked back to see Joel looking out at the pool, smiling at his daughter laughing with her friends.
âHey, let me grab us some more drinks from the cooler.â You patted Joshâs knee who nodded as he continued talking with the others.
Joel didnât notice you walking towards him at first, just until you reached a few feet away.
âHeyâ you smiled as his body tensed up.
âHeyâ he put the beer down by his feet and sat up straight.
âIâm glad it didnât rain todayâ you attempted to make normal conversation but truthfully something was lingering in your mind. Something you couldnât help but want to ask.
âMhmâ Joel kept it short, he crossed his arms looking away knowing exactly what you did to him anytime he would look at you too long. He didnât know what the hell you were still doing there in front of him in that damn dress.
Then before you could stop yourself, you leaned slightly closer and whispered.
âSoâŠdid you delete it?â
That finally made him look at you properly..really look at you.
His expression barely changed, but something heavier settled behind his eyes.
Joel exhaled once through his nose, gaze dropping briefly toward the grass.
âThought we agreed not to talk about that again.â
âWe didnât agree,â you whispered back. âYou avoided answering.â
A muscle moved in his jaw.
âYouâre persistent, Iâll give you that.â
âJoel.â Your voice came out quieter than you meant it to.
He looked over toward the yard automatically, checking your father wasnât nearby before lowering his voice too.
âNo,â he said finally.
Your breath caught a little.
âNoâŠ.?â
Joel rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly looking irritated with himself for even admitting that much.
âHavenât gotten around to it.â
âThatâs a lie.â
His eyes snapped back to yours.
You watched something change there briefly but it was there.
Because the truth was obvious now, a man like Joel Miller didnât âforgetâ things.
Especially not things he wanted to keep.
âYou should probably delete it,â you said softly.
âProbably.â
But he still hadnât moved or looked away.
You swallowed. âSo why havenât you?â
Joel stared at you for a long moment before answering, voice low enough you almost missed it.
âDidnât seem right lookinâ at it again just to delete it.â
Your chest tightened.
That was not an answer and it was definitely not the truth, what he said was worse.
Joel seemed to realize that too, because he immediately grabbed his beer and took a sip like he needed the distraction.
âThen delete the whole thread? You wonât even happen to open the messageâ you insisted when suddenly Joshâs voice came up behind you.
âHeyâd you get lost?â Josh laughed making you softly gasp. Joel kept his eyes on you as you turned to smile at Josh.
âNo, I got it. Got caught up talking about something he needed me to help with Sarah.â You lied. Josh looked down at Joel who had his eyes narrowed on him.
âWell-â you cleared your throat but before you finished your sentence Joel was grabbing drinks from the cooler and handed them to you.
âThanksâ you spoke softly, you and Josh turned back to your friends but you looked back, Joel was on his feet just about to walk away⊠but not before his gaze dropped once more to your dress.
Something lit up inside you. Something you had never felt with Joel in the few years that you knew him. It was hard to deny that it excited you.
Hi! I have an idea for Joel... How about something with younger "singer" reader. They met in Jackson, they do have a flirty relationship but he doesn't really believe she wants to be with him because he is "too old". She finally has enough of him not taking the hint so at a party (maybe adults only night or something like that because i don't think she'll sing that with kids listening) she starts singing this song she wrote for him and... lets just say it ends with a very blushing but flattered Joelđ€
I'm sorry if this is not your style or it's just not what you want to write. I just thought it's so funny, i always think about Joel when i hear it and how he would react to itđ
Hey! Thank for the sending this in :) will definitely do this asap.
[SUMMARY: After a rough argument, you make Joel beg for forgiveness.]
Smut
It was late at night, Joel still hadnât returned after the argument you had earlier. You stood in the kitchen slowly sipping a tea you made to help you sleep. The yelling, the sound of the door slamming so hard it made you jump replayed in your mind. Joel was protective, sometimes too over protective. The second he found out you patrolled an area he hadnât secured first himself, something in him snapped.
~~
âJoel, Kelly and I secured the area. We were fine, we made it back, whatâs there to be mad about?â There was plenty for him to be pissed about, first being that he didnât trust Kelly and you knew that.
âAnd what if you didnât?â He responded angrily across the room from you.
âWell we didâ you stood before him with your arms crossed.
âYou know damn well I donât like you patrolling any areas I havenât gone over first. God knows what the hell was out there-â
âKelly and I had it handled.â
âWithout back up, without any man there to help you-â
âWell luckily I know damn well how to take care of myselfâ you fought back.
âYou got luckyâ he muttered under his breath.
âWho the hell approved of this?â
âYour brotherâ you could see the anger rise in him. He paced back and forth hands on his hips.
âLook-â you sighed âI know you donât like how much of a risk taker Kelly can be and-â
âSheâs carelessâ he cut you off as he walked towards the kitchen counter beside you.
âJoel-â
âYou know better than that-â
âStop talking to me like Iâm a damn kidâ you snapped. He swallowed hard standing in place.
âYour judgement ainât what it used to be, babyâ he spoke calmly.
âMy judgement is just fine. Iâve done what I had to do just fine before I met you, Iâve made my way out of many places when I was alone. I survived for a long time alone-â
âWell you ainât alone now!â The words came out louder than he meant them to. He turned his head immediately, like he regretted it the second it left his mouth. He hated arguing with you, hell he never yelled at you this way before. The thought of anything happening to you pushed him over the edge.
âI will not take you screaming at me like thatâ
You spoke calmly but he was far from calm, his chest rising and falling rather quickly as he dug his hands into his pockets.
âThen maybe follow the damn agreement and donât go anywhere new if it hasnât been cleared.â
âWhat the hell is with you? What you donât think Iâm capable of taking care of myself-â
âNo as a matter of fact. I donât.â He cut you off rather quickly, he could tell he offended you.
âOh really?â He wouldnt look at you.
âSo thatâs how you think of me?â You stepped towards him but he turned towards the door.
âIâm done talkinâ about thisâ he walked out like nothing, the door slammed so loudly you flinched.
~~
Youâd been sitting on the couch for what felt like hours, a blanket pulled over your lap, a cup of tea long gone cold in your hands. You hadnât moved much. If you stayed still enough, maybe the knot in your chest wouldnât tighten every time you thought about the way heâd looked at you before he left.
Like you were something fragile. Like you didnât know what you were doing.
The front door slowly opened.
Your grip on the mug tightened, but you didnât turn.
ââŠYouâre still up.â
Joelâs voice was quieter than usual. Careful.
He didnât come back wanting to fight, you could hear it in his voice.
You didnât answer.
You could feel his eyes on you, searching, waitinf..hoping youâd look at him, say something, anything to make this easier.
You didnât.
A soft exhale left him. Regret, heavy and tired.
âI didnât mean-â he started, then stopped, like the words tangled before they could get out right. âEarlierâŠIshouldnât have-â
You stood.
Your movement cutting him off without a word. The blanket slipped from your lap, the mug left forgotten on the table as you walked past him.
He turned slightly as you passed, his body instinctively angling toward you.
âBaby-â
Nothing.
You kept walking.
The bedroom door opened, then shut behind you just as softly. No harsh slamâŠsomehow that made it worse.
Joel stood there for a second, jaw tightening, frustration breaking through the guilt,but it didnât last. He dragged a hand over his face, exhaling sharp through his nose before following after you.
The door pushed open again.
You were already on the other side of the room, pulling off your sweater about to lay on your side of the bed.
âCâmon,â he said, a little more edge in his voice now. âDonât do that.â You could hear the strain in it.
You didnât look at him. That silence pressed in again, heavier this time.
Joel stepped further into the room, the floorboards creaking under his weight. âYou just ainât gonna talk to me now?â
Still nothing.
Your back to him. Your shoulders tense.
His frustration slipped out in a quiet huff, but it faltered almost immediately, replaced by something uncertain.
He wasnât used to this, not from you.
Joel stood restless, hands settling on his hips before dropping again. âIâm tryinâ to talk to you.â
That made you pause just for a second but you still didnât turn around.
âI heard you,â you said finally, voice quiet. âYou said enough earlier.â
The words hit harder than if youâd yelled.
Joel swallowed, his throat working as he tried to find his footing again. âThatâs not-â He stopped, shaking his head. âThat ainât fair.â
You let out a soft, humorless breath.
âFair?â You turned then, finally looking at him..and there it was. The hurt. The anger youâd been holding in all night, sitting just beneath the surface. âYou yell at me like I donât know how to take care of myself then walked out for the whole evening and you wanna talk about fair?â
His expression changed immediately.
âI didnât mean it like that-â
âBut you said it.â You didnât yell, but it cut clean anyway. âYou said it like Iâm some kind of liability. Like I canât handle things on my own.â
âThatâs not what I think,â he said quickly, stepping closer without really meaning to. âYou know that.â
âLook, I donât wanna talk anymore. I just wanna go to bedâ you slipped under the covers and turned your back to him. He watched as you reached over to your lamp and shut it off before lying down with a sigh.
Joel knew he fucked up. One thing you were always very proud of was how independent youâd always been.
How far youâd come.
You had every right to feel insulted after everything you had overcome on your own.
It wasnât easy and he knew that. Joel silently turned away and left you in the room, hoping that maybe by morning youâd wanna talk to him.
A little while later Joel came to bed, you still hadnât moved from the position you were in. He figured you were asleep but you lay there staring at the wall as he silently lay beside you. You could feel him looking over at you. He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling and thatâs when he began to feel it. Laying next to you would easily do it to him, hell the thought of you was enough to get him going. He moved slightly against the mattress, jaw clenched, like he could will it away just by pretending it wasnât there. It didnât work.
Joel was rock hard, his grey sweats making it very visible.
His gaze slid toward you instead, tracing the outline of you in the dim light, the curve of your shoulder, the way the blanket dipped at your waist. Something in his chest pulled tight, a mix of want and restraint that sat heavy behind his ribs.
For a second, he almost reached for you. His hand moved against the mattress, fingers flexing like they had a mind of their own, then stilled. He swallowed it down, every bit of it, forcing himself to stay where he was when suddenly you yanked the covers off you.
You couldnât sleep, you didnât look his way, you sat up and quickly walked out the room, Joel adjusted his pants incase you looked his way before sitting up on his elbow slightly confused.
Maybe he shouldâve just stayed in the room, shouldâve just waited till it passed but instead he found himself walking down the hall to find you in the kitchen. You were hunched over on the counter and took a deep breath, hands holding onto either side of the counter when you suddenly felt a soft touch on your waist. You jumped at the feel of Joel delicately placing his hands on your waist till you turned to him and roughly pushed his hands off.
âYouâve got some nerve-â he abruptly pulled your body against his and thatâs when you felt it. His swollen urge pressed against your pelvis. He looked you dead in the eye, his cock throbbing against you, yearning to be in you. In that moment as angry as you were with him, you felt something you couldnât deny. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, or the way he pressed his body against yours. You felt the same need for him.
The need for him to fill you.
âArenât you cleverâ you whispered sarcastically. He still held you tightly against him, his eyes drifting between your eyes and lips.
âHow long are you gonna stay mad at me, darlinâ?â You could hear the desperation in his voice, he needed you right now.
âHmmmâŠI donât knowâ You spoke softly, his body tense against yours.
âWhat more do you need me to do?â
A smile slowly appeared on your lips, your hand creeping up to his face caressing his facial hair. His eyes closing savoring your touch.
âAre you really sorry?â You whispered, his eyes quickly opened, darkened. He nodded.
âMore than you knowâ he breathed heavily.
âWell thenâŠshow me how sorry you really areâ
He nodded slowly, gently carried you onto the counter. His large hands grabbing your face, his hunger showing for you as he kissed you deeply. You moaned into him as he began to pull your pants down and threw them aside. He could feel the warmth between your thighs as you wrapped your legs around him. His hard on practically dragging his pants down, he pressed himself against you, but you wanted to feel more. Pulling at his waist band you pushed his pants down as far as you could until you felt his warm throbbing cock brush against your inner thigh. You moaned with excitement as he pulled his shirt over his head, you pulled him close feeling him reach between your bodies. You could feel the tip of him at your entrance, aching to enter you. Kissing your neck he slid in you slowly making you gasp, Joel felt your body melt against him. Both of his hands brushing up the back of your neck grabbing a chunk full of your hair as he kissed you, his tongue swirled against yours as you whimpered against him. Each slow deep thrust he tugged at your hair a little harder. Joel hated arguing with you but one thing he loved was making up, each time more intense than the last.
He released your hair allowing you to lean back on your elbows, the sight of his cock glistening with each thrust the more wet you became.
âFuck, baby-â he choked out,he pulled you closer against him placing your legs on his shoulders. The angle only making him feel deeper, hitting every nerve to set your body off the edge. You threw your head back as a wave of pleasure hit your body intensely, his hips rocking against you faster. Sweat building up on his forehead, his curls now damp against his skin, his eyes focused on you watching as pleasure exploded within you. God he loved watching you get lost in the pleasure, the sight only making him go harder. You screamed in relief, almost collapsing onto your back until he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you against him. You panted with your arms around him, he smirked, his rhythm slowing down.
âCan you feel how sorry I am now?â His whispered breathlessly.
Your lips parted but you couldnât speak, your eyes hazy and unfocused. He loved that look on you. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, then slowly traced them down the side of your face until he reached your lips still thrusting his hips.
âTake me to the bedâ you whispered.
He did just as you asked, carrying you to the room still inside you, slowly your body building up the strength to take over. He could feel you grabbing onto him tighter, pulling yourself up on him as you kissed him eagerly.
âBaby-â he moaned roughly in between kisses. You had him right where you wanted him, he threw himself back on the bed as you pushed him flat on his back. His eyes memorized by the sight of your body on top of him, he never got tired of the view. He pulled your shirt down enough for your breasts to poke out of your top, just enough to watch them bounce with each movement you made.
âJust like that, babyâŠâ his hands brushing up your thighs grabbing onto your waist as you rode him. You moaned touching yourself, squeezing your breasts knowing how much he loved when you did that.
âDo you feel it now?â He asked looking down watching himself disappear in you with each bounce, you could tell he was close to climax by the way his hands tightened on you, the way his breathing deepened. You slowly leaned forward and caressed his face.
âI donât knowâŠâ you whispered as you continued to ride him, face to face. Your body pressed against his as you rode him making his body tense up.
âIâm gonna need you to say it againâ you whispered, he nodded quickly, eyes desperate.
âIâm sorryâ he whispered, his words jumped with his breath.
âMmmm-â you kissed his neck.
âSay it again, like you mean itâ you rode him faster hearing his breathing quicken.
âBaby-just forgive me please- Iâm gonna cum-â he choked out.
âI knowâ you pushed yourself up and rode him harder.
âSay itâ you demanded, his body beginning to twitch.
âIâm s-sorry-â he looked down squeezing your waist.
âWhat was that?â You teased.
âBaby, please-â he begged, a low desperate whimper.
âSay itâ
âIâm sorry-fuck Iâm sorry-â he cried out, he tried to hold himself but his body gave in just like you wanted it to.
âFuck-â he squeezed his eyes shut releasing himself in you, digging his fingers into your skin, he tried to slow you down but he couldnât. His body going weak as you continued to ride him, he couldnât make out any words, just deep groans of desperation. Each stroke on his cock sending shocking waves throughout his body.
âWant me to stop?â You raised a brow. He whimpered as you slowed down, his hips quivering beneath you.
âBaby-ba-â he pleaded, his voice desperate and rough. All he could do was hold you.
You bit your bottom lip with a smile, still you moved slowly taking every last drop of him. Words escaping his lips that you couldnât make out.
His breath uneven, as if the strength had drained out of him all at once. His hand lingered on your waist just as you stopped moving, but his hold on you wasnât firm anymore, more like he needed the contact to steady himself than anything else.
You didnât move right away. You just watched him, calm and in control of the space between you, while he slowly came back to himself. His eyes were half-lidded, unfocused for a moment, like he was still trying to catch up to his own body.
A faint, breathy laugh left him, though it didnât carry much energy. He exhaled through his nose, clearly overwhelmed in a way he didnât have the words for. You slowly got off of him, feeling him slip out of you, you lay back beside him. His hand gently reaching for your thigh beside him, giving you a light squeeze.
âThats what I get for pissinâ you off?â He somehow managed to finally say. You turned towards him with a smile.
âMhmâ you kissed his cheek gently and pushed yourself off the bed. His eyes following you to the door, not ready to get himself up yet.
âIâm gonna go showerâ
He closed his eyes and nodded.
âGonna need a bit, babyâ
âTake your timeâ you smiled walking off into the restroom.
~~
In the kitchen grabbing a quick snack you heard Joel making his way down the stairs. His hair wet combed back after coming out of the shower, he stopped at the doorway and looked at you for a moment. You stood against the counter only wearing his shirt.
âSo-â he smirked walking towards you.
âThe hell was that about?â He stopped before you, watching as you looked away slightly blushing with a smile.
âNo no no, donât get shy on me nowâ he pulled you against him playfully.
âNot after how you had me up there, that was your plan all along huh?â He whispered against you.
âMaybeâ you raised your brows with a chuckle, he leaned in and kissed you.
âI meant what I said though, I am sorryâ you could hear the sincerity in his voice.
âI knowâ you nodded, kissed him then led him back up the stairs.
[SUMMARY: When you and Joel find out youâre expecting twins, the weight of it all begins to take over him.]
Angst, fluff
Joel stood beside you anxiously waiting for the doctor to walk in. You sat on the edge of the paper-covered table..his hand hasnât left you since you walked in.
The sound of the door opening makes you both take a deep breath as the doctor walks in.
She smiles happily introducing herself and proceeds to what you both have been waiting for.
âAlright, letâs take a lookâŠâ
You glance at Joel, already catching the way his jaw tightens,like heâs bracing himself for something, even though everythingâs been fine so far. His thumb rubs slow circles against your hand.
The doctor moves the wand around a bit then slowly pauses.
âHm.â
Joel straightens instantly. âWhat?â His voice is low, sharp. âWhat is it?â
âWhatâs wrong?â You ask practically sitting up.
The doctor chuckles softly. âNo, no itâs not bad. Just⊠unexpected.â She tilts the screen slightly toward you both. âDo you see this?â
You lean forward, trying to make sense of the grainy shapes.
âLooks like blobs?â You say with a confused expression.
Joel narrows his eyes. âYeah. That donât clear much up.â
The doctor points. âThis is one baby.â Then she shifts slightly. âAnd this⊠is the second.â
Joel doesnât move.
âSecondâŠ?â you repeat.
Joel lets out a quiet breath, almost like itâs been knocked out of him. His grip on your hand tightens just a little. âYouâre sayinâ⊠thereâs two?â
The doctor nods, smiling now. âYouâre expecting twins.â
You let out a short laugh half disbelief, half amazement. âOh my god.â
Joel just stares at the screen, like if he looks hard enough it might rearrange itself into something more manageable. But it doesnât.
You glance at him, a grinslowly spreading. âWellâŠguess this means you really wonât let me do anything anymore.â
That pulls him out of it..just barely. His eyes turn to you, brows knitting together. âYou werenât supposed to be doinâ much before this.â
âCanât keep me off my feet for too longâ you chuckled.
âGrowinâ 2 babies..,â he mutters, shaking his head slightly, like the math of it all doesnât sit right with him. His hand slides protectively over your stomach, gentler than anything else about him. âThatâsâŠthatâs double.â
You raise a brow. âPretty sure thatâs how twins work.â A nervous laugh escapes your lips.
He huffs, but thereâs no real bite to it. His focus is already back on you,on your stomach, like heâs trying to shield it from everything all at once.
The doctor continues talking, something about measurements, heartbeats, next steps but Joelâs gone quiet.
You know that look.
âHey,â you murmur, nudging his arm. âYou okay?â
He nods too quickly. âYeah. Yeah, Iâm fine.â
You tilt your head. âJoel.â
He exhales slowly through his nose, eyes still on the screen. âJustâŠwasnât expectinâ that, is all.â
âMe neither,â you admit, softer now.
âI canât believe thereâs gonnna be two, Iâm gonna push out two? How does that even workâŠ?â You stare off into space thinking of all the scenarios. Joel can hear the panic in your voice begin to appear. He instantly puts his worries behind and moves closer to you, his arm coming around you instinctively as he leans into you.
âHey donât you start fillinâ up your mind with too much at once.â He kisses the side of your head gently.
âYouâre gonna take it easy,â he continues .
You roll your eyes lightly. âThere it is.â
âI mean it.â His gaze finally meets yours, firm but not too harsh. âNo more âlight work,â no more helpinâ out with things that ainât your responsibility. You rest. You eat. You let me handle the rest.â
âYes, sir.â
He doesnât smile right away. His thumb brushes your knuckles again, slower this time.
âHeâs right you know-â the doctor intrudes.
âI had twins, youâre going to be exhausted before they even get here. So rest all that you can hun,â
ââŠWeâll figure it out,â he adds quietly. âAll of it.â
You catch a quick glimpse of something in his expressionâŠworry, maybe. The kind he wonât say out loud. The kind thatâs already running through numbers, supplies, space, safety.
Two babies.
Double everything.
But his hand never leaves you.
You squeeze it gently. âHey. Weâve got this.â
He looks at you for a long second.
Then he nods.
âYeah,â he says, voice rough but certain. âWe do.â
~~
You and Joel had barely stepped through the door before Tommy caught on. He was leaning in the doorway like he always does, casual at first, then sharper when he saw your faces.
Sarah was the one who figured it out first. Her eyes widened before anyone said a word.
âWait⊠are you serious?â
Joel didnât answer right away. He never does when it matters most. His hand stayed lightly at your back, steadying you more out of instinct than necessity.
âTwins,â he finally said.
That was all it took.
Sarah practically launched forward, laughing while completely stunned. Tommy let out a low whistle, grinning like he couldnât help it.
âDamn, Joel,â Tommy said. âYou donât do anything halfway, do you?â
Thereâs laughter after that, questions, excitement, plans already being thrown around..names, room space, how much trouble two babies are going to be around the house. For a while, it feels warm and exciting.
But you notice Joel doesnât quite step into it the same way.
Heâs there. Even smiling when Sarah grabs his arm and starts talking over him. But his eyes drift a little too often, like heâs already thinking ten steps ahead of everyone else.
When things finally quiet down, he says it plain.
âYou two are gonna help out when I canât be around.â
It isnât a question.
Tommy raises a brow. âYeah, obviously.â
Sarah nods too, softer now. âOf course.â
âI mean it, Iâm gonna be puttinâ in more hours and Iâm gonna need your help with herâ
You glance up at Joel. âIâll be fine, you know that.â
His hand tightens slightly at your waist, just for a second.
âI know,â he says. But it doesnât sound like he believes it fully. Or maybe itâs not you heâs unsure about.
Itâs everything else.
That night, you drift off beside him, warm and safe, his arm heavy across your middle like an anchor he refuses to let go of even in sleep.
But when you wake, the space beside you is empty. You find him in the kitchen.
Heâs sitting at the table, elbows resting on his knees, head slightly bowed. The room is dim, lit only by the weak glow of the stove clock. He looks like heâs been there a whileâŠtoo still, too far inside his own head.
âJoel?â
The sound of your voice makes him move instantly. Like he was caught somewhere he didnât mean to be.
He straightens, pushes a hand through his hair, already standing halfway before you take another step in.
âYou ok?â You ask gently as you took his face in your hands.
âCourse, darlinâ. Just came out for a drink of waterâ yet there was no cup in sight. You could see it in his eyes, he wasnât being truthful.
âYou know you can talk to me right? I wonât breakâ you whispered. Joel took a deep breath, a smile that didnât reach his eyes as he took your hand and kissed it.
âIâm fine, baby. Donât need you worryinâ about anything, alright?â He leaned in and kissed your forehead before putting your arm to hold onto him as he walked back to the bedroom. You walked silently, you knew he wouldnât say how he really felt. Of course he wouldnât. He was never really good at that.
~~
The next morning you woke up once again alone in bed. The sun had just come up, you yawned walking out the room to see Joel grabbing his keys off the coffee table.
âWhere are you going this early?â
âWasnât trynna wake you, got called for a job a few hours away just for the dayâ he grabbed his backpack.
âBut youâre off today and you barely sleptâ you responded with slight disappointment in your tone. Joel looked up at you somewhat in a rush, leaned in and kissed your forehead.
âIâll be home tonight, you get your rest, baby. Iâll call you in a bitâ he walked out without giving you much of a chance to respond.
You watched as he pulled out of the driveway, Tommy stepped out of the room and noticed the way you looked out the window.
âEarly bird gets the worm huhâ Tommy chuckled before noticing you seemed upset.
âYou alright?â
You sighed before looking at Tommy.
âYeah, probably gonna go back to bedâ Tommy watched as you looked back in the direction Joel had just been in. He didnât say anything else but he already knew what you were thinking.
~~
Joel was suppose to be home that evening, you expected him home for dinner until he called you and told you not to wait up for him. The job taking longer than he expected but he seemed ok with it, he liked being distracted.
âDonât come back too lateâ you whispered, he could hear the disappointment you felt.
~~
Youâve got your hands braced on the counter, staring at nothing in particular, like if you focus hard enough you can steady the nausea in your chest instead of just your body. Itâs still sinking inâŠ.twins. Yesterdayâs appointment replays in flashes you didnât ask for,the doctorâs smile, the two heartbeats, the way your hand went cold before you even processed what she said.
Joel had gone quiet after. His mind had stepped a few feet out of the room and hadnât come back yet. Your thoughts distracted by the sound of the back door opening with a soft creak.
âHey,â comes Tommyâs voice.
Tommy steps in like he owns the space but doesnât try to take it over. He instantly notices, your posture, your face, the way youâre holding yourself together a little too tightly.
âYou alright?â he asks, slower now.
You try to nod. It doesnât land convincingly.
Thatâs all it takes.
He leans against the counter across from you. âJoel cominâ back late?â
âYeah,â you say, but it comes out thin.
Tommy watches you the way he always does when heâs trying to figure out what someoneâs not saying out loud.
Finally, you break.
âI think heâs not happy,â you say, voice cracking before you can stop it. âAbout the babies. AboutâŠall of it.â
Tommyâs brows pull together immediately. âNo. Thatâs notâno.â
You shake your head, eyes stinging. âHeâs different. Since yesterdayâŠlike heâs already somewhere else.â
âThat ainât Joel being unhappy,â Tommy says. âThatâs Joel being Joel. HeâŠprocesses things like heâs chewing on a nail until it breaks.â
âIt doesnât feel like that,â you whisper. âIt feels like I did something wrong..like heâd rather be away from me.â
Tommy pushes off the counter a little. âHey. Look at me.â When you donât, he softens his voice. âHeâs happy. Iâm telling you that straight.â
You laugh once, broken. âThen why does it feel like Iâm alone in this?â
Thatâs when the tears finally give in, slipping fast and hot down your cheeks. You hate it, hate how fast it comes out of you, hate that you canât stop it.
Tommy doesnât panic. He just exhales like he expected this part.
âItâs two babies,â he says quietly. âYou think heâs not thinking about every way the world could try to take that from him? From you? That man doesnât do âlight feelings.â He does âcarry it all and pretend heâs fine.ââ
You wipe at your face, but it doesnât help much.
âHe was scared,â Tommy corrects gently. âThatâs different.â
âIâm scared tooâ you whisper.
âBut itâs even scarier to feel this way alone while he decides to process his feelings away from me-â
âHe ainât trynna add stress, heâs tryna hold it together for you two-â
âWell itâs not workingâ you snap back a little harsher than you meant to.
âSorryâ you quickly whisper, Tommy shakes his head assuring you itâs fine.
âWhy donât you get some sleep, itâs late.â You feel his hand at the center of your back as if heâs guiding you in the other direction.
âYes, Iâm gonna sleep. Been feeling extra tired already. Thanks for hearing meâ
âAnytime, Uncle Tommyâs always hereâ
You smile at that before walking off to the bedroom.
~~
Itâs almost midnight, Joel walks in exhausted, he drops his backpack at the door before noticing Tommy up in the kitchen.
âWhatâs got you up?â He asked as he walked past him to the fridge for something to drink.
âWaitinâ for youâ Tommy responds with a matter of fact tone. He stands up with an open beer in hand and leans back on the counter.
âListen, I was talkinâ to your lady earlier and she got real upset-â Joel instantly turned to him, brows knit together.
âWhy? What happened?â An almost defensive tone.
âLook I know youâre scared-â he looks away as he talks not wanting to face what mightâve been Joelâs reaction.
âTwo babies is a heck of a scary thing but sheâs scared too man-â
âWhat she tell you?â Joel puts his drink down, takes a quick glance back at your bedroom door before looking back at Tommy.
âYou know I donât get in the middle, Joel. But she thinks you ainât happy, that youâre somehow upset with her and-â
âNoâ Joel instantly began shaking his head.
âI know brother I told her but she ainât convinced. Look I know you ainât one for talkinâ but youâre gonna have to.â Joel stood silent, he knew his brother was right. Tommy walked past him and patted him on the shoulder, a touch of assurance, he had faith in his brother.
~~
He pauses outside the bedroom door, hand hovering over the knob. For a second, he considers turning aroundâŠâgiving you space, waiting until morning,but the thought of you going another night feeling like that⊠thinking he doesnât want this⊠it settles wrong in his bones.
Tommyâs words are still sitting heavy in his chest.
She cried, Joel.
That alone is enough to make something twist deep inside him.
So he opens the door slowly.
Youâre asleep, curled slightly on your side, one hand resting unconsciously over your stomach. Even in the low light, he can see the faint tension still lingering in your face, like whatever upset you earlier hasnât fully let go.
He steps closer, quieter now, like heâs afraid of disturbing something fragile. You look..peaceful. Finally. After days of morning sickness, of barely keeping food down, of exhaustion clinging to you no matter how much you sleep.
He exhales through his nose.
He should wake you. He wants to. Wants to fix it now, explain everything, make sure you never doubt him like that again.But you need the rest.
So instead, he carefully pulls off his boots, sets them aside, and slips into bed behind you.
The mattress dips slightly, and for a moment he freezes,..watching to see if you wake but you only move slightly.
Joel moves closer, slowly, until heâs right behind you. One arm slides around your waist, hesitant at first, then firmer as he pulls you gently against his chest. Protective as if heâs trying to make a point without words.
You make a small sound, barely awake, instinctively leaning back into him. Your hand shifts over your stomach, brushing against his arm.
ââŠJoelâŠâ you mumble, voice soft and thick with sleep.
His chest aches.
âIâm right here,â he whispers, voice low, close to your ear.
He pulls you in a little closer, pressing his forehead lightly against the back of your head.
âAinât goinâ anywhere.â
You relax fully after that, your body melting into his like itâs the most natural thing in the world. Your breathing evens out again, deeper this time.Joel stays awake a while longer, just holding you.
~~
Tommy had already gone, Sarahâs off at school. Youâre in the kitchen when Joel walks in, slower than usual, like heâs unsure how to start.
He took the day off. That alone tells you somethingâs up.
You glance at him, noticing the hesitation in the way he leans against the counter, arms crossing and uncrossing like he canât settle.
âEverything okay?â you ask gently.
Joel exhales, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
ââŠTommy told me what happened yesterday.â
There it is.
You look down slightly, your fingers fidgeting with the edge of the counter. âOh.â
âI didnât mean to-âyou start, but he cuts you off.
âHey. No.â He shakes his head, stepping closer. âYou ainât gotta explain beinâ upset.â His voice softens.
âI shouldâve seen it.â
That makes you look up.
Joel meets your eyes now, fully, no avoiding it.
âIâm happy,â he says, slower this time, like he needs you to really hear it. âAbout the twins. AboutâŠall of it.â
You search his face, trying to reconcile that with how distant heâs been.
âThat donât mean I ainât thinkinâ,â he continues, voice tightening just slightly. âMeans Iâm thinkinâ more than ever.â
He starts pacing a little, restless energy building.
âThree kids. You. This house. Bills. Food. SafetyâŠâ He exhales sharply. âThatâs on me. Itâs supposed to be.â He nods firmly as if heâs expected to take it without a reaction.
âI gotta make sure youâre all taken care of. Everythinâ. Thatâs my job.â
You step closer to him, your expression softening.
âJoelâŠâ
He shakes his head again, quieter now.
âI know I ainât been sayinâ much. But that donât mean I donât want this.â His voice drops, more vulnerable than usual. âIt just means I know what it costs.â
You reach for his hand, grounding him.
âWeâre in this together,â you tell him gently. âYou donât have to carry everything by yourself.â
He looks at your hand holding his, then back at you.
âYouâre already carrying two babies,â he says, almost immediately. âThatâs more than enough.â
Thereâs an edge of protectiveness there, but also something softerâŠlike admiration, even if heâd never call it that.
You smile just a little, squeezing his hand.
âThese babies are going to have the best daddy,â you reply. âAnd we will both make it work however we need to.â
Joel nods although he isnât fully convinced but willing.
He pulls you into him after that, one arm wrapping around you carefully, mindful of your stomach.
âI do want this,â he murmurs, quieter now, more certain. âAll of it.â
[SUMMARY: Joel is depressed after your divorce is finalized.]
Angst and more angst, sorry this took me so long!!
The house was quiet but not the peaceful kind. The kind that pressed in on Joel Millerâs ears until he thought he might crack.
Cars passing and neighbors out on their porch talking hummed just outside the window, yet still it was too quiet. No clink of dishes from the kitchen. No soft humming when you folded laundry. No you.
The divorce papers sat on the kitchen table where heâd left them three weeks ago. He hadnât had the heart to throw them out or even put them in a drawer.
He told everyone it was for the best.He told Tommy it was mutual.He told Sarah you just âneeded some space.â
He lied.
The truth was that he still reached for you in his sleep. He dreamed of you waking him on a Sunday morning like you used to, wearing his shirt, a fresh cup of coffee youâd have made for him.
~~
He hadnât shaved in days. Work helped..long hours, busted knuckles, something physical to drown out the ache in his chest but nights were brutal. Tonight was worse.
There was a picture frame turned face down on the nightstand. Heâd turned it over the day the divorce was finalized. Sometimes heâd stop and stare at the small stupid box youâd left that you kept pushing off to pick up. Hell, he offered to bring it to you, happy that you said no because it meant there was one more reason for you to come by.
For some reason today he flipped the picture back.
You were laughing in it. Head thrown back, sunlight catching your hair, his arm tight around your waist like he was afraid the world might steal you.
Turns out heâd been right to be afraid. Just wrong about the thief. It wasnât the world. It was him who pushed you away.
~~
That evening Joel went grocery shopping, driving the cart slowly his eyes roaming over frozen pizzas when he heard it. The sound of your voice, his chest tightened.
âThank youâ you mustâve mumbled to someone before you appeared walking out of the aisle. The second you looked up your eyes found him and you froze.
âJoelâ, you stood still. He swallowed hard thinking of what to say, his mind going into overdrive. His hair longer than you had ever seen, he looked tired.
âThought you were a morninâ shopperâ he muttered. You chuckled as your hands tightened on your shopping cart, knuckles turning white.
âYeah, usually am. Just forgot something.â he stood silent for a moment, taking in the sight of you. It had been three months since he last saw you, you looked the same.
âHowâs Sarah?â Your question distracting him.
âGood, she uh-â just as he spoke he was interrupted by the sound of a manâs voice, a voice he wasnât familiar with. A tall man appeared beside you, casually placing something in your shopping cart.
âI couldnât find the chips you wanted but I got the spicy version,â
Spicy.
You didnât like spicy.
You stood awkwardly as you watched Joel stare at your friend, your friend hadnât even noticed him. Joel swallowed hard as his eyes found you.
âGood seeinâ you,â he muttered low, the hit to his chest too hard to bear, he quickly walked off. The thought of you being with anyone hurt him in a way he had never felt before.
âJoel-â he had already turned into an aisle, not wanting to face the reality after the divorce. Hell he pushed the cart aside and walked out the supermarket, angry, angry with himself and how things turned out.
~~
It was a lonely Friday night, Sarah was sleeping over at a friendâs house while Tommy was out with a girl. Never really knew when he was coming back but he always did.
He ended up ordering out that night after not getting his frozen pizza from the market. An old movie playing in the background but he wasnât paying attention to it, his mind continuously wandering off to the sight of you earlier that day.
He needed a drink.
Pouring himself a glass of scotch the sound of someone knocking at the door distracted him. His brows furrowed as he walked towards the door when he looked into the peep hole and saw it was you. He hesitated for a moment before taking a step back and opening the door.
There you were wearing that damn dress he always loved to see you in, he wondered if you were wearing it for that guy you had been shopping with earlier. The thought making his stomach turn.
âHey..â you whispered hesitantly.
âCalled you a couple times..â he looked back at where his phone sat silently on the coffee table.
âDamn thing always giving me trouble, never understand what the hell its doinââ
âOhâ you spoke softly, his eyes drifting back to you as yours lingered at his coffee table.
âWell what is itâ his tone stronger than he meant it to be, you looked back at him slightly taken back by it.
âI uhâŠI came to pick up the box I had leftâ he took a step back without saying a word and let you in.
âSame spot ya left it in, Iâm sure you remember your way aroundâ he muttered, a touch of sarcasm in his voice. You walked in awkwardly, holding your purse close to you for comfort as you walked down the hall of a home you hadnât stepped inside in months. He waited quietly by the kitchen as you walked to the bedroom, his scent stronger in there as it always was, it was something that once bought you comfort. Quickly you spotted the box and got down on your knees closing it when you looked up and noticed the picture of yourself on his nightstand. It had been moved closer to the edge as if he was taking a closer look at it while in bed.
âFound what youâre lookinâ for?â His voice making you jump. Clearing your throat you stood up with the box in hand.
âMhm,â he stood at the edge of the doorway, you slowly moved past him, your arm brushing against his chest. Your touch only making it harder for him to let you go, harder for him to accept the new reality. Then he thought of you with that guy earlier and he couldnât hold himself anymore.
âHow long you been seeinâ him?â His question stopping you in your tracks, you slowly turned with a puzzled expression.
âSeeing-oh, youâre talking about Maxâ you raised your brows.
âOh no, heâs- no-â you giggled as he stood serious staring at you from across the room.
âMax heâs a coworker of mine. Heâs gay, his boyfriend had just dumped him and he just wanted to hang out for a bit and vent.â You noticed the relief look in his eyes, the breath he let out and you stood still. He didnât say a word, not exactly knowing what to say but one thing he knew for sure was he didnât want you to leave.
âWell, I uh..better get going-â
âWanna have a drink?â He blurt out quicker than he meant to. He could see the hesitation in your eyes as he walked towards you, stopping beside the counter. Before you could decide he walked to the cabinet and pulled out your mug, slowly sliding across the counter to your side.
That damn cup.
That was one thing you left behind purposely.
You and him with your assigned mugs, having yours alone would only taunt you of a life you no longer had.
He filled your cup just enough, you watched him take a quick shot of the drink and pour himself another.
âI thought you were slowing downâ you spoke softly, he raised his brows as he swallowed.
âFunny how things change, ainât it?â He didnât look at you, it almost hurt him to. This had been the first time the two of you were alone together in months, he never felt he had a real conversation about how things ended..the both of you avoiding the truth.
âSarahâs asked about youâ he crossed his arms leaning back as you took a slow slip of your drink. You were never much of a drinker.
âOh yeah?â A sad smile on your face.
âShe misses youâ he continued, eyes down on the ground.
He missed you.
He replayed the day over and over in his mind, coming home to a letter on the nightstand, all your stuff gone. Yeah sure, the two of you had argued the night before but that wasnât new. He remembered the sinking feeling he felt as he read your words.
I canât do this anymore, nothing feels right anymore.
You could see in that moment his mind was elsewhere, you wondered what he was thinking of. His brows furrowed as he took a deep breath.
âMaybe Iâll see her around sometimeâ your voice made him suddenly look up, but he wasnât focused on what you were saying. For the first time Joel had you in front of him, a few feet away, and all he could think of was how he let you down. How he pushed you away and how much you begged him not to.
âI miss youâ he whispered as tears formed in his eyes. Your heart pulled at him, of course you missed him too.
âJoelâŠâ you whispered, his body straightened as he began to walk towards you.
âI canât- I canât stop thinking about you, babyâ his voice hoarse, he walked around the counter towards you.
âJoel, pleaseâ your eyes began to tear, his words held a weight on your heart you couldnât bear.
âI really should goâ
âPlease donât go, pleaseâ his eyes desperately searching yours. God he looked so broken, part of you just wanted to hold him.
He towered over you, you felt his breath on you as he spoke.
âWeâre suppose to be together, we promised each other that-â
âJoel we-â his hands were suddenly on your waist, delicate yet firm. Your breathing quickened as he leaned toward you.
âTell me you donât love meâ your brows furrowed a bit confused.
âTell me you donât love me and Iâll leave you alone, I wonât say another word-â
âJoel..weâre already divorced-â
âI donât care what a damn paper saysâ he snapped back.
âI never stopped lovinâ you, babyâ his eyes now tracing your lips, you felt a flutter in you. A flutter in your chest, down to the pit of your stomach as he leaned in closer when reality set back in.
âNoâ you shoved his hands away taking a step back.
âYou donât get to do this nowâŠnot after everything, Iâm still putting myself back togetherâ your voice cracked as you spoke.
Joel could see the pain you felt and it crushed him.
âNot after how much I begged you..â you whispered, his eyes widening with tears.
God, you hate that it still hurts.
âI didnât know how toâŠâ He exhales, dragging a hand over his face. âJust tryinâ to keep up with the damn bills, Sarah, you-â
âAnd instead,â you cut in, voice tight, âyou gave me nothing. No love, no anger, no anything. JustâŠemptiness.â
His gaze snaps back to you, something raw breaking through. âThatâs not true.â
âIt is.â Your throat burns, but you donât stop. âDo you know what it feels like to beg your husband to let you in?â
Joel swallowed hard.
âYou didnât need to see that.â He whispered.
âYes. Yes I did.â
âI tried, I swear I didâ his voice cracked.
âNot enough,â you whisper. âNot when it counted.â
Joel steps closer, hesitant, like you might disappear if he moves too fast. âIâm sorry,â he says, and it sounds different this time. Not defensive. JustâŠbroken. âIâm so damn sorry. I didnât realize I was losing you until you were already gone.â
Your chest tightens. Of course he didnât. Thatâs always been the problem.
âThere was a moment,â you say suddenly, the words slipping out before you can stop them. Your heart stutters as soon as theyâre in the air. âBefore I left.â
He stills. âWhat moment?â
You hesitate. You shouldnât say it. It doesnât change anything.
But it does.
âI thought I was pregnant.â
The silence that follows is deafening.
Joelâs face drains, eyes widening like the ground just dropped out from under him. âYou⊠what?â
âI missed my period. Took a test. It was positive.â You shrug, but itâs forced, brittle. âFalse positive. I even went to the doctor to double check.â
Joel fights the urge to step forward.
Heâs staring at you like he doesnât recognize you. Like heâs trying to piece together a version of reality he never saw. âWhy didnât you tell me?â
A laugh escapes you, sharp and humorless. âSeriously?â
âI wouldâve been there, positive or negative.â he says quickly yet slowly stepping closer again. âYou didnât need to go through that aloneâ
You meet his eyes, and whatever softness was trying to creep in hardens into something colder. âYou werenât there for me, Joel.â
âI was living with you, sleeping next to you, and I felt completely alone. Why would I tell you something like that when youâd already shut me out of everything else?â
His mouth opens, then closes. Thereâs no easy answer. There never was.
âYou shouldnât have had to try,â you fire back. âYou were my husband. You were supposed to already be there.â
The words hit, and you see itâŠsee them land, see the guilt settle deep in his chest.
For a second, he looks like heâs about to fall apart.
âIf you werenât, I wouldâve stood beside you, held you if you needed me toâŠif you wanted me to. And if you wereâŠ.I wouldâve loved that baby,â he says, voice rough. âI wouldâve-â
âIâm glad I wasnât pregnant.â
The sentence slices through everything.
Joel freezes.
You swallow, forcing yourself to hold his gaze, even as your chest feels like itâs caving in. âBecause bringing a child into what we had back then?â You shake your head slowly. âThat wouldâve been worse.â
His face crumples in that quiet, devastating way that makes it hard to look at him.
âYou donât mean that.â
âI do.â Your voice is softer now, but no less firm. âI wasnât going to raise a kid in a house where love felt like something we had to dig for.â
Another silence. Longer this time. Final.
Joel exhales shakily, eyes glassy but refusing to let anything fall. âI can fix it,â he says, like heâs clinging to the last piece of hope heâs got. âWe can fix it. Iâll do better. I know I can. Iâll do whatever you need me to do.â Joel just wanted you back, in his life, in his arms, in his bed. He couldnât take it. Your lips parted just as you were about to respond when the sound of the door being unlocked made you both stiffen. You took a deep breath straightening yourself as Tommy walked in humming to himself when he looked up and noticed you standing a few feet away.
âOh-â he knew he had just walked in on something.
âHey Tommy,â you smiled looking away, you bent down to grab the box you had, avoiding any eye contact with either. Joel watched silently.
âFinally came to get this last boxâ you chuckled as you walked towards the door before you stopped for a moment and turned to Joel.
âTell Sarah Iâll see her around, take care.â You turned back as you took a deep breath, smiled at Tommy and let yourself out.
Tommy turned back to see his brother staring at the door you had just walked out of. Watching as a piece of his heart had just walked away from him.
âWhat was that about?â Tommyâs voice distracted Joel, he looked at his little brother as if he had just realized he stepped into the room.
âNothinâ, your timinâ is always just rightâ Joel whispered sarcastically before grabbing the bottle of liquor that sat on the counter and walking back to his bedroom..
đŹ 18  đ 6  â€ïž 117 · The Risks We Take · Chapter 2: Veiled [Chapter 1 is linked below.]
[SUMMARY: After Joel accidentally hurts you causin
The Risks We Take
Chapter 3
[SUMMARY: After you lost your memory Joel finds it hard to keep his distance from you. Tension grows between you two until he allows temptation to finally take over.]
Smut angst
Joel followed you as you rushed up your front porch and into your house.
âHey!â He called out for you quickly catching up. You paced around the living room throwing your jacket over the couch as he shut the door behind him.
âHey- wait a minuteâ he attempted to calm you down, he attempted somehow to fix whatever the hell he thought you figured out.
âI donât like not remembering anything, I-I..I donât like being the only one who doesnât know whatâs going on-â you brushed your hands through your hair shaking your head. Joel only stood and listened to what you had to say, to what you needed to let out.
âI hate that the only thing I can remember is-â you looked away as tears began to form in your eyes.
âThings I donât want to rememberâ you breathed deeply, Joelâs gaze locked onto yours, eyes wide, as if he were trying to read something just beneath the surface of your face. His brows lifted slightly, the corners drawn in, worry settling there like a quiet storm gathering behind his expression. He didnât say a word, he didnât know what to say.
âThe only good thing around me that I know is youâ your words caught him off guard as you walked towards him.
âYouâre the only thing Iâm certain of that doesnât make me anxious or unsure and youâve been so good to me in the short time youâve been with meâ you whispered, his gaze moving back and forth between your lips and eyes as you spoke and moved closer toward him.
âYouâve been so good to me, itâs justâŠeveryone is so confusing..â you whispered looking up at him, his eyes focused now tracing your lips.
In that very moment Joel wanted to pull you in and kiss you deeply but he knew it was wrong. What you were saying wasnât the truth, he wasnât something good if you knew it all. A war in that very moment between right and wrong in his head, he couldnât fight it, especially with the way you looked at him.
âAre you listening to me?â You whispered, something in him that moment just clicked. Whether it was the sound of your voice or the look in your eyes, he didnât know but unexpectedly he slowly leaned forward, his hand gently caressing your face. Your eyes widened as you noticed the way he stared down at your lips, pausing for just a moment, giving you a chance to stop him. His breath you could feel against your lips.
You didnât stop him.
Joel closed his eyes as if savoring the moment before it began, gently pressing his lips to yours, careful and full of feeling. The world seemed to pause as your eyes drifted shut, the quiet warmth of the kiss wrapping around you like something delicate, and deeply comforting.
His tongue parting your lips, you felt his hand at the small of your back pull you against him as he kissed you. Your hands resting on his chest before you pushed them up around his neck. You pulled your lips away for just a moment taking a deep breath, his nose brushing against yours, he didnât want to stop.
He moved slowly, every motion laced with quiet patience. His hands now hovered at your waist, not demanding,waiting for you to invite him in. His eyes searched yours, for permission. When you nodded, a soft exhale slipped past his lips, as if heâd been holding his breath. He held you close kissing you passionately.
You slowly took a step back, not saying a word, Joel didnât move giving you space..and you did the least expected. Pulling your shirt over your head, you then threw it aside. You stood before him in a black bra, he swallowed hard taking a deep breath, knowing damn well what he was about to do.
âYouâre the only thing that doesnât confuse meâ you whispered as you reached behind yourself and unhooked your bra. You could feel your heart beating practically out of your chest. You couldnât remember the last time a man looked at you this wayâŠor touched you, on your terms.
You let the bra drop.
Joelâs eyes darkened at the sight of your bare breasts, aching to touch them, aching to feel you.
When he did step forward, he slowly removed his jacket, his eyes never leaving yours. His fingers brushed your skin at your waist, it was like he was memorizing it,soft strokes, light as whispers. His hold on your waist tightening as he kissed you again,warm and deliberate, mapping a trail down to the hollow of your neck. You tensed for a heartbeat, and he stopped, he didnât move until he felt you soften up against him again.
âIâve got you,â he whispered, voice low and steady, his forehead resting gently against yours.
You nodded again, more surely this time. Your hand reached for his, placing them onto the button of your pants.
âTake them off meâ you whispered. He did just as you asked and watched you close your eyes as he pulled them down to your ankles. His breath warm against your thigh till you felt the flutter of his facial hair against you. He kissed your thighs slowly until he reached your most sensitive area. He felt you tremble, you squeezed your eyes shut.
âJoel-â
âLook at meâ his voice rough, direct. You did as he asked and took a deep breath before feeling his lips land on your core. Your knees almost buckled, you held onto the wall, you felt him slightly lift up your leg and drape it over his shoulder. His hot breath now connecting to your wetness, until you felt his tongue. Your hips jerked as you gasped, Joelâs grasp on you tightening as he balanced you on him.
He knew it wasnât right, every part of him screamed it..but the fire inside him was louder. The lust had taken over, raw and blinding, tangled up with something deeper, something real. His feelings for you had long crossed the line of control, and now they ruled him completely. In that moment, with your breath hitching and your eyes pulling him in, nothing else mattered. He needed to touch you, taste you, lose himself in you. All he could think about was making you feel goodâŠaching to worship every inch of you.
His tongue pushing you to heights of ecstasy you never thought youâd feel again, just as a moan escaped your lips, shocking yourself. Yet, he could still feel you holding back.
âYou still with me?â His voice a rough whisper.
Your body lightly trembled with excitement. And with every touch you allowed, you answered: Yes.
He could tell your body was on the edge of an orgasm. Each flick of his tongue he had to balance you more firmly, his hands on you tightly. Yet, he knew you kept fighting the orgasm, something your body became too used to doing.
You werenât exactly sure how to let yourself simply be, but you wanted to so badly.
You gasped for air as Joel stood up, your body still trembling.
âIâm sorryâ you whispered.
âDonât beâ he kissed you as he began to remove the rest of his clothes before guiding you to the bedroom.
His lips keeping you at ease kissing you gently against your neck before he lay you back on the bed.
Trying not to think too much into what you felt, you let him place himself over you. His legs spreading yours, his eyes filled with hunger as he felt himself at your entrance.
From the first moment you felt him enter you, your breath caught, nails digging into his back. His eyes drinking you in as you threw your head back in a moan.
âLook at meâ he whispered, and when you did as he asked, there he was appreciating the sight of you in every way he could. Each thrust bringing you closer together, the first time you felt safe being touched by a man. His hands couldnât get enough of you. Roaming down to your thighs, up to your waist, every inch of you feeling worshiped by him. A ball of pleasure slowly building up in the pit of your stomach.
âJoel-â you choked out.
He knew.
âItâs alright, baby, let it goâ his voice deep and smooth, it made you melt.
âJoel..â you whimpered on edge, he felt you tightening up around him.
âCome on, cum for me, babyââ he moved faster. Your eyes squeezed shut as a rush of unexplainable pleasure ran through your body down to your toes. Grabbing onto him you cried out as he thrusted harder making the pleasure that much more intense. You couldnât take it, you screamed in relief as Joel watched you, hypnotized with the look in your eyes.
âThatâs it, babyâŠthere it is..â he whispered, but you couldnât hear him, your eyes in a daze as your body sunk back into the bed. You hadnât even noticed his face changed just as he felt himself about to burst.
âJesus-â he whispered to himself as his body tensed up, he abruptly rolled over onto his back and jerked himself off, his moan taking over the room. He looked down watching as cum spilled out of him, he panted loudly before throwing his head back and laying flat. The both of you panting, you didnât move, he couldnât. After a moment he turned over to find you staring at him in awe.
âYou alright?â He whispered.
You nodded before staring back at the ceiling in silence.
~~
Joel ended up staying the night.
He found himself waking up in the middle of the night to find you nuzzled up against his chest. You seemed so peaceful, you seemed at ease. In that moment guilt slowing creeping up the pit of his stomach. His soft gaze turning to disappointment within himself. He couldnât look at you, quickly turning away he stared off into the dark room and took a deep breath.
What the hell was he thinking, he dug himself in too deep. He never planned for this to go this far, he swore he didnât. A soft sound escaped your lips distracting him from his thoughts, he quickly looked down at you to see you nuzzle up closer to him, your hand flat on his bare chest.
The next morning you woke up alone in bed, a moment from the night before flashing in your mind before you sat up with a sigh.
âJoel?â you called out but didnât hear a thing.
~~
Buttoning your shirt you made your way downstairs hearing some movement. Once you made your way to the kitchen Joel was on the floor, a hammer beside him as he wiggled your stool around.
âJoel?â You frowned confused, he quickly looked up and pushed himself off the floor.
âThought Iâd straighten that stool of yours out,â he sounded somewhat pleased with himself. Truth be told he needed something to distract him, something to keep him busy from what his true thoughts.
âIt ainât leaninâ side to side no more, come check it outâ he motioned for you to sit in the chair, awkwardly you stepped towards him and sat down.
âThank youâ you smiled, his smile slowly fading the more he looked down at you, those damn eyes of yours pulling him in when he was suppose to be doing the damn opposite. You stood up and walked towards him, he didnât move. Gently you planted a kiss on his cheek, he closed his eyes breathing in deeply, feeling the softness of your lips on him, your hand brushing up his chest. He wanted you in that very moment, his body yearning to feel himself in you again before he snapped himself out of it.
âGotta get goinââ he whispered, his eyes opened yet he looked away from you.
âTommyâs waitinâ on meâ he continued, you pulled back slowly and nodded.
âOf courseâ you whispered, for just a moment he looked back at you, the confused look in your eyes crushing him before he abruptly walked away. Joel walked out of your house, eyes focused on the ground as he walked towards the barn. Distracted with his thoughts he didnât know he was being watched, Jesse and Ellie both catching him leaving your house bright and early, they looked at each other but didnât say a word.
~~
âMorninâ Joelâ Tommy greeted his brother as he walked in the barn but quickly noticed his expression. Tommyâs brows furrowed as his brother silently got to work.
âYou alright?â Tommyâs question making Joel finally look up.
âYeahâ
Tommy wasnât convinced.
âStill stayinâ with her?â Joel looked down distracting himself with work and nodded.
âMhmâ Tommy could see it in his brother, it was turning into something much deeper than he had ever intended.
âLook-â Tommy walked up to him.
âI ainât trynna get in the middle, just think itâs best you distance yourself before you get caught up more than you already haveâ Joel looked up directly at him, that look alone gave it away.
âGeez, Joel..donât tell me-â
âI didnât plan itâ Joel looked away in shame.
âWeâve just been-â
âToo damn attached to each other. I knew this would happen. Shit, Joel she ainât in the right state of mind for that. Thatâs only gonna confuse her more-â
âYou donât think I know that!â Joel snapped at his brother, Tommy took a deep breath.
Joel looked away rubbing the back of his neck when suddenly the doors opened.
Ellie and Jesse walked in silently, Tommy taking a step back to give them room to walk by. Both of them glared at Joel who didnât look up, he had no idea that they had heard it allâŠ
đŹ 19  đ 16  â€ïž 307 · Years Gone By PART 2 ·Â
[SUMMARY: Joel is attempting to build a bond with his son who doesnât know the truth. You feel
Years Gone By PART 3
[SUMMARY: Joel is protective of you and your son Anthony especially when learning the history you have with the new guy in Jackson.]
Angst, protective Joel, some smut, TRIGGER WARNING: mention of sexual coercion
Joel stood at the head of the room beside Tommy, the young boys and girls distracted speaking to each other as Tommy prepped the weapons. He looked up at Joel and noticed the uneasy look in his eyes.
âYou alright?â Joel looked over at him straightening his shoulders.
âYeahâ Tommy stayed looking at him not convinced.
âWhat do you know about that Marshall guy?â
âNo more than you do. Ainât you the one who seen him aroundâ Tommy responded as he put down a blade.
âJust once, while ago. Traded some things with a group he was with, donât know anything else.â
âWhy you askinâ?â Tommy raised a brow. He could see the protective look in his brotherâs eye a mile away.
âSomethinâ with his mom?â He looked toward Anthony.
âShe ainât tellinâ meâ Joel responded low before one of the kids interrupted.
âSo we shootinâ guns today or what?!â An older boy stood up with excitement.
âNot so fast Mikey, gotta learn about all of our options first. Itâs only day one, weâll see for our second classâ the sound of the kids groaning in disappointment filled the background as Joel stood distracted staring out the window.
âWhere is he now?â He turned back to his brother.
âPut him to work with Jesse by the entrance. Wanna see how he worksâ Joel didnât say a word as he looked back at his son Anthony.
~~
The house was quiet, apart of you liked it that way. You never really had a chance to be alone, always having your son by your side, it was nice having Joelâs help. Turning the page to your favorite book you heard a knock on the door. You werenât expecting anyone and so you quietly walked to the door and looked into the peep hole.
It was Marshall.
Your heart stopped.
âI know youâre homeâ the sound of his voice triggering memories you didnât even know you still had. Marshall never hurt you, at least not in the most obvious way..it was a conflicting feeling.
âJust wanted to say hi is allâ you took a deep breath and hesitantly turned the door knob to see Marshall standing before you. His eyes immediately eyeing you from head to toe. He looked older yet still the same.
âLook like you seen a ghostâ he chuckled.
âNo-I-I-â
âI get it. Itâs been a while.â You stood silent, didnât move.
âSaw you earlier but you seemed to be caught up with Anthony. Howâs he doing by the way?â
âHeâs goodâ you spoke cautiously.
âGood to hearâŠI remember how much I helped you with him.â He smiled. You nodded silently.
He studied you for a moment as he bit his bottom lip.
âYou remember that donât you?â he took a sudden step forward but you couldnât move. His fingers gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.
âYou were such a good woman to me, of course I was good to youâ he whispered.
The memories you had of Marshall werenât violent. He had such a way of manipulating your mind, making himself to be this grand man who was so helpful and lovingâŠ
âWell, I better get going. Iâll be seeing you around, probably see your friend Joel later. Decent guy when I met him few years ago.â Your eyes shot up to him but before you could say a word Marshall leaned in, kissed your forehead and left the house.
~~
The hour had gone by, you hadnât done much of anything after Marshall left. You sat in your chair staring off into space remembering the year you spent with him. You soon heard Anthonyâs laughter coming from the front porch, you quickly stood up taking a deep breath and met them at the front door.
âHopefully we get to shoot next timeâ Anthony sighed as he walked in with Joel.
âNo shooting?â You raised a brow, a look of relief you couldnât hide.
âNo, we had to learn about each weapon firstâ he rolled his eyes.
âWell, canât say Iâm against that. Why donât you clean up and get ready for dinnerâ Joel and you watched him go up the stairs.
âDoinâ alright?â Joel spoke carefully turning back to you, you looked back at him and took a deep breath.
âMe? Of course, why wouldnât I be?â you chuckled awkwardly, he wasnât falling for it. Casually you turned back to the kitchen as he slowly followed.
âBefore you seemed-â
âI overreactedâ you shrugged as you pulled out plates from the cabinet.
âI donât think you didâ he responded unexpectedly. You stood in place stopping before the counter but didnât turn back, Joel couldnât help but ask the obvious. His hands in his pockets he blurt out what he truly wanted to know.
âThat man hurt you?â
âNo!â You quickly turned back to him.
âNo, never. He really didnâtâ Joelâs brows furrowed, trying to understand you, trying to read your eyes. He stood by the doorway not moving any closer.
âHe wasnât bad to me, I guess I just freaked out because it was a time that was so uncertain in our lives and I didnât want to remember that.â He stood silent, you could read the doubt in his expression.
âHe didnât do anything wrong. We had an agreement-â
âWhat kind of agreement?â His tone slightly defensive.
âHe gave Anthony everything he needed-â
âWhat. Kind. Of. Agreement?â He asked slowly taking a few step forward. He remembered what you had expressed the first time you two spoke. He noticed you become slightly uncomfortable as you began to serve food on a plate.
âI just⊠I just had to keep him happy, it wasâŠmy job.â
You spoke without looking at him yet you could feel his eyes burning a hole in you. His breathing growing slightly heavier.
âAnd if you didnât?â Silence followed as you slowly looked up at him.
âThat wasnât an optionâ you almost whispered. You could see the anger growing in him with what he learned, the man who did this to you now staying in this very same town.
âBut itâs fine,â you quickly smiled trying to ease his anger.
âAnthony was well taken care of and-â he began to shake his head.
âNo, no that ainât right. You know thatâ he didnât understand this sudden change of emotion you had towards Marshall. He walked towards you closing the distance, you seemed to not be able to look him in the eye.
âJoel..â you sighed crossing your arms as you took a step back leaning against the counter.
âHeâŠhe wasnât bad to usâ he could see the doubt in your eyes as you spoke. He shook his head looking down at the ground.
âIt ainât rightâ he responded low.
âHe helped us-â
âHe raped youâ he looked up, his words cutting you like a blade. Your body flinching at the word he used, you suddenly smacked him across the face without thinking. Joel barely moved, you stunned yourself with your reaction, your hand covering your mouth. It made sense now, he realized. Your reactions, your words, you hadnât come to terms yet with what exactly you went through. The last thing Joel wanted to do was upset you, he took a step back silently.
He didnât say a word, anger running through him but not towards you.
âGet outâ you whispered.
He swallowed hard slowly looking up at you. He could see the broken, confused look in your eyesâŠthe denial. He stood silent for a moment before he turned away and let himself out. You felt stupid, confused, he didnât deserve that, he didnât deserve it one bit.
~~
The cold air hitting him as he walked out made him stop for a moment, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath when a familiar voice called out for him.
âNever thought Iâd see you againâ of course it was none other than Marshall, standing too damn close to where you and Anthony lived, Joel instantly became guarded. He didnât say anything for a moment as Marshall took a step closer to him, his eyes drifting to the house behind Joel.
âShe a nice woman isnât sheâ He smirked.
âNot bad on the eyes eitherâ he continued.
âYou lookinâ for somethinâ?â Joel asked. Marshallâs expression changed as he took a step closer.
âJust wanted to catch up with an old friend, she seemed a bit distracted when I came by earlierâ he noticed Joelâs eyes darken and chuckled.
He was there, he had shown up to you while you were alone, probably adding more confusion than you already had. Manipulating you the way he knew how to.
âShe didnât tell you? Well, hey I donât blame her, acted like she saw a damn ghost when she opened the doorâ he laughed. Joel was silent, brows furrowed, carefully observing him when the sound of your voice distracted both men.
âJoel!â Your voice made him turn back quickly, You stood by your door, closing your sweater around you tightly, you seemed uneasy.
âYou forgot Tommyâs book!â you called out to him.
âBetter go get that bookâ Marshall muttered. Joel glared back at him before walking towards you, you breathed in relief watching Marshall walk off.
Joel played along knowing damn well there was no damn book he forgot. You took a step back allowing him inside and quietly walked into your living room as he followed. He could tell you wanted to say something but you couldnât find the words to say.
âHe was hereâ Joel finally broke the silence as you turned to him.
âYes and I knew he was going to come back now if I didnât call you-â
âWhat did he say to you?â He walked towards you, his eyes reading you heavily. You quickly shook your head âhe just said he wanted to say hi,â you awkwardly looked away before continuing.
âHe asked for Anthony.â That was enough to trigger something in Joel, as if him showing up here with you alone wasnât enough.
âThe hell you mean he asked for Anthony?â He asked low.
âHe just asked casually, he-â before you could continue the sound of a door opening stopped you both. Anthony stepped out to see you both in what looked like a tense conversation. Joel instantly took a step back looking down.
âDinner almost ready mom?â
âYes, honey. You can come eat nowâ you quickly walked past Joel towards the kitchen to set the plates on the table. Without asking you set Joel a plate, you didnât look up but you heard him follow your son to the table. Joel kept his eyes on you subtly as you served them
at the table, he stood up at one point helping you bring the last dishes in. You still wouldnât look at him, Anthony began conversation with him allowing you to breathe.
âYou ok mom?â Anthonyâs unexpected question made you look up.
âYes, of course.â You smiled but you could tell he wasnât convinced. Both of their eyes on you made you unsure what to do with yourself you quickly excused yourself to the restroom.
âWhat were you and my mom talking about?â
Joel cleared his throat unsure of what to say.
âJust some stuff about tomorrowâs work on the barn,â Anthony was a smart kid and Joel knew it. He saw right through it.
âIs it about that guy that just got to Jackson?â
Joel did a double take at Anthony, wiping his mouth with a napkin, pausing before he continued.
âWhat makes you think that?â
âShe acted like this when we lived with him, I remember a little bit. I donât like seeing my mom upsetâ he looked down at his food taking a bite. Joel stared at him for a moment, his fist on the table before him as he listened to what Anthony had to say.
âYouâre protective of your mama. Thatâs good.â Anthony looked up at him.
âBut I promise you, I wonât let anything hurt you or your mama. You donât have to worry, kiddoâ Anthony silently nodded just as you came back to the table, you noticed the expression on Joelâs face and wondered what was being said.
âEverything ok?â You asked softly as you sat down.
âYeah momâ he smiled and continued to eat his food.
Once dinner was finished both of them helped you clear the table, Joel began washing the dishes as Anthony passed him the plates.
âYou know, I like having you around, Joelâ you looked up from the table as you wiped it down, you watched as Joel looked over at him and smiled.
âI like it too, kiddoâ you smiled watching them both interact, you knew Anthony needed to know the truth sooner or later..
~~
Anthony was in his room as Joel headed toward the front door, he turned to you about to speak before you cut him off.
âIâm sorry about earlierâ you whispered.
Joel remained silent, hands in his pocket he gave you a nod.
âCan I ask you something?â You asked softly.
âCourseâ
âMarshall said he knew you from before and-â before you could finish Joel was shaking his head.
âI wasnât apart of anything he did, I didnât know what he was doinâ, it was a simple trade.â
Of course Joel wasnât apart of that, that wasnât him. There was a silence that followed before Joel looked up the stairs.
âHeâs worried about you,â you quickly looked up at him.
âHeâs a smart boy, he sees a lotâ
âI know.â Joel didnât say another word, he took a step back slowly turning toward the door, you thanked him and watched as he walked out front.
~~
The next day out on the town with Anthony, you noticed the men working together. Joel and Tommy beside each other with there backs to you, Marshall was on the other side talking with two of the guys. Quickly you looked away just as he looked up. Marshall watched as you continued to walk with Anthony beside you, Joel was distracted hearing Tommy talk until he noticed Marshallâs eyes follow you.
âHey, kid-â Marshall motioned toward Jesse still not taking his eyes off you.
âYeah?â
âYou know that woman over there?â Joel watched as he motioned towards you.
âYeah, why?â Jesse asked raising his brow.
âYou know if sheâs staying with anyone by any chance?âJoel turned himself completely toward Marshall, shoulders stiffening, jaw tight. Tommy stopped mid sentence when he saw his brotherâs whole posture change.
Jesse blinked, looking between the two men. âUh⊠I mean, she lives with her kid. Thatâs it. Why?â
Marshall shrugged casually, though his eyes were anything but. âJust making conversation. Figured maybe she finally got someone to keep her warm at night.â He smirked, tapping Jesseâs arm like it was a harmless joke.
Joel stepped forward before Jesse could respond, his voice low and edged.
âAinât really your business who sheâs with.â
Marshall lifted a brow, amused. âDidnât know you were volunteerinâ, Miller.â
Tommy cut in, trying to keep things steady. âAlright, weâre workinâ hereââ
But Marshall wasnât finished. He shifted his weight, arms crossing over his chest. âUnless youâre tellinâ me she is with someone,â he said, eyes narrowing. ââCause where I come from, a woman left on her own⊠well, people step in to help.â The emphasis on âhelpâ made Joelâs stomach twist.
âMight just have to keep an eye on her after all, you knowâŠjust to make sure sheâs doing alright.â
âTheyâre doinâ just fine.â Joelâs eyes darkened, a threatening glare.
Jesse looked uncomfortable now. âI think Iâm gonna⊠go check the patrol roster,â he muttered, backing away.
Marshall watched you and Anthony cross over to their side, distracted laughing with a woman from town as both your sons played together.
âShame, though. Last time I saw her, she needed lookinâ after. I did what I could.â
Joelâs nostrils flared. He remembered exactly what âlookinâ afterâ meant in Marshallâs mouth because youâd told him.
Joel took a slow step forward until he was right in front of Marshall.
âShe donât need nothinâ from you.â
Marshall scoffed. âFunny. You talk like you got a claim.â
Joelâs eyes flicked instinctively toward Anthony..your son who was laughing with another young boy. Joel felt something sharp lodge in his chest. Thatâs when you looked up and noticed the two men in a clear verbal confrontation. The smile fading from your lips, you took a step forward beside Anthony. For just a second Joel locked eyes with you before looking at Anthony and for his sake he took a step back, his eyes softening. Marshall chuckled and looked back at you, you quickly looked away but it was too late.
âHey, Anthony!â Marshallâs voice called out, Joel instantly stepped forward.
You stepped forward beside your son grabbing his hand.
âYou ok, mom?â
âYeah, honey Iâm fineâ you assured him with a smile just as Marshallâs voice cut back in.
âItâs been a whileâ he walked towards you, Joel instantly followed.
âYeah, I rememberâ Anthony responded with a nod.
âWhy donât you two get goinâ Iâll meet you back at the houseâ Joel cut in making Marshall chuckle.
âWhatâs the matter, Miller? Just catching up with an old friend. Surely she remembers how good I was to her and her sonâ he looked down at Anthony with a smile.
âTreated him like if he was my own boyâ
âBut he ainâtâ Joel spoke coldly, the two men stared at each other in tense silence until Tommy appeared. A breath of relief as he stood between the two men, you took a step back with Anthony.
âCome on, Anthony. Letâs get going-â
âBut what about Johnny?â He looked back at the young boy he was just playing with.
âWeâll come back out in a bitâ you assured him as you smiled at the boys mother before rushing off. Marshall turned watching you leave just as Tommy distracted him, ordering him to work with Jesse. He turned to Joel with a grin before walking off.
~~
Anthony had a lot of questions, many of which he felt wouldnât get answered. He watched plenty of men take advantage of you, he was a child but he put things together very easily as time went on. He felt Joel and Tommy were the first men to help without expecting something in return, the only times you didnât seem under stress around a man. Quietly he went to his room as you sat alone lost in your thoughts when the sound of a knock made you jump.
âItâs meâ before you even looked through the peephole the sound of Joelâs voice calmed you down. Once you opened the door you noticed his tense expression, you took a step back letting him walk in and quickly locked the door.
âWhereâs Anthony?â He asked turning to you.
âIn his room, why?â Joel looked around the house placing his hands on his waist before his dark big worried eyes fell back on you.
âI donât want you stayinâ here aloneâ you looked at him confused as he continued.
âIâll stay with you here for just the time being, Iâll stay in the attic, outta your way, you wonât even know Iâm here-â he spoke quickly.
âJoelâ he could tell you were about to go against his suggestion, he stepped towards you closing the distance.
âHeâs watching you, heâs watching you and Anthony and I canât have that-â
âJoel, we do not need a babysitter-â
âMom, just let himâ Anthonyâs voice caught you both by surprise.
âAnthony-â you whispered with a sigh.
âMom, I see how you are when Joel comes over. You trust him, heâs not like the other guys we been around. He doesnât want anything but to help usâŠjust let himâ you were surprised by how much Anthony had been aware of. It was almost embarrassing. Joel stood silent as Anthony looked up at him and gave him a nod of approval.
âFineâ you whispered.
âJust for a couple daysâ you gave in, Joel nodded and looked over at Anthony just as he patted his back.
~~
That night Joel walked by each window and looked outside, you could tell he was making sure all was locked properly. Anthony said goodnight to Joel before walking up to his bedroom. The living room was dim, you stood by the door watching as he looked out the window.
âGoing to bed anytime soon?â He turned to look at you.
âThink I might stay here a little bit, feel better being the first one by the doorâ he explained.
âSo youâre gonna sleep on my rough couch?â You chuckled.
âIâve been on worse, Iâll be fineâ he assured you. You stood silent unsure of what to say, you knew you couldnât stay with him but a part of you didnât want to leave just yet.
âCan I ask you somethinâ?â His question distracting you from your thoughts.
âSureâ he leaned back against the wall, hands in his pockets.
âDid your daddy know? AboutâŠ-â his eyes drifted to your stomach before back to your eyes.
âNoâ you quickly responded.
âIt all happened fastâŠI found out two days before everything happened. I saw you one day coming out of your truck-â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â
âI donât know, I didnât know how youâd react-â
âYou wouldâve never been alone, whether your daddy knew or he didnât. I wouldnât have left youâ you nodded looking down as you took a deep breath. Joel looked back out the window, not saying much else.
âWe both were avoiding each otherâ you blurt out as you walked towards him, he looked back at you awkwardly.
âYou know it. After what we did we couldnât even look at each other, you werenât coming over anymoreâ you stopped right before him. A look of guilt flashed in his eyes.
âI knew itâd happen againâ he responded bluntly in a low voice.
âIt wasnât right, felt like I was betrayinâ a friendâ he looked to the side as the memories began to flood his mind.
He remembered that night vividly, how it rained heavily as he practically dragged your father inside. He remembered the way you opened the door worried immediately asking him where heâd been. Your father insulting you, calling you names as he barely dragged his feet to this bedroom.
âDonât take it out on herâ Joel snapped at him. You stood silent, embarrassed, belittled by your own father. He didnât listen to Joel, yelled at you again before pushing a glass vase off the coffee table beside him. You flinched as it loudly crashed onto the floor.
âThe hell is wrong with you?! Enough!â Joel yelled as he pulled him to his room. You could still hear him mumbling to himself speaking of you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you began to clean up the glass from the floor. After a few minutes Joel foot steps could be heard coming back down the hall.
âHeâs outâ he took a deep breath staring at you for a moment as you threw the glass away.
âIsnât he alwaysâ you whispered without looking up at him.
âLook, he donât mean what he says. You know none of itâs true-â
âOh he means itâ you chuckled sarcastically. Joel could tell you were holding in your tears, your throating stinging as you took a deep breath.
âI just donât get why he thinks of me that way, this isnât what I came back from college forâ you looked away feeling a tear fall from your eye. You quickly wiped it away but Joel noticed, his expression changing.
âI feel so stupidâ you began to cry, Joel walked towards you but you took a step back.
âItâs alright, Câmereâ he reached his hand out to you as you awkwardly took it and let him pull you in.
âYou ainât stupid,â he whispered as you cried into his chest.
âYou ainât nothinâ he said. I promise you thatâ your breathing slowed down. It was nice being comforted for once, it was nice being defended from your father.
For once you didnât feel alone.
Slowly you had looked up at him, his hair slick back wet from the rain, his dark eyes searched your features reading into you when he noticed your gaze were on his lips. It all happened so quickly, next thing he knew he felt a sudden urge he couldnât ignore and you took a risk. Slowly you had tip toed and gently pressed your lips on his. Neither of you could pinpoint exactly what it was, but next thing you knew, he had you up against the wall. Before you could even realize what the hell you were doing, he was inside you. Your bodies together as one, the two of you knocking things over you gasped looking down the hallway in the direction your father was in.
âHeâs out-â he kissed your neck assuring you not to worry. He was right but any thought was outweighed by the rush you felt in that moment. His hips thrusting into you, his body pushing you up against the wall.
âTurn me aroundâ you whispered, he didnât waste a second more. Joel blinded by the pleasure he felt did as you asked and thatâs when it felt more intense. Both of you still with half your clothes on, moving quickly. His hands tightening on your waist he slammed himself into you feeling you cum. You whimpered and moaned begging for more until Joel couldnât take it any longer and thatâs when-
âJoel?â He suddenly snapped out of his thoughts realizing you were still standing right in front of him. Realizing he was now hard but his jeans held down his arousal. He cleared his throat turning away but you got closer.
âWhat were you thinking about?â
âNothinââ he responded defensively looking out the window. You walked up beside him looking out the window as well when he suddenly felt your hand gently grab his crotch. His jeans didnât hide his thick outline enough. He swallowed hard not looking your way, your hand moving in a motion that made it hard for him to breathe. He tried to fight it, he tried to turn away but instead he grabbed you and pulled you against him, he kissed you. He held your body against him, one hand brushing into your hair roughly-
âJoel?!â Anthonyâs voice made you quickly pull away and fix your hair. Joel breathlessly turned away speechless.
âWhat are you doing?â Anthony seemed so confused, hurt even.
âAnthony, babyâ you walked towards him but he took a step back.
âYouâre doing this again?â
âNo, itâs not-â
âItâs true what the other kids said about you,â you furrowed your brows as he took another step back toward the door.
âYouâre a prostituteâ
âHey!â Joel suddenly yelled loudly.
âWhat?â You whispered almost in shock with your sonâs words.
âSleeping with guys just so you can get something out of it, think I donât know-â
âNo, honey, itâs not like that-â
âAnd you, Joelâ he turned to him with a look of disappointment.
âI thought youâd be the only one to not use my mom like that..â Joel began shaking his head.
âIt ainât what you think-â
âYouâre all the sameâ Anthony spoke as he turned toward the door and walked out.
âAnthony itâs late! Where are you going?!â You rushed towards the door but Joel stopped you in your tracks.
âI got him, you stay inside. Lock the doors, Iâll be right backâ Joel grabbed his coat and walked out as you watched him rush to catch up with your son. There was no one else out, it was dark, not many lights on, it made you nervous. You quickly did as Joel said and locked the door shut.
âHey! Slow downâ Joel called out to Anthony who kept walking.
âAnthony!â His voice deep and loud making the boy stop in his tracks but still he wouldnât turn to him.
âI trusted you to be better, youâre the same as Marshall and the rest of them-â
âNo! It ainât the same-â he turned Anthony toward him.
âSo why were you kissing my mother. You offered to stay to help keep watch and suddenly youâre kissing her, thatâs all you wanted.â
âNo dammit, itâs more complicated than thatâ Joel grew frustrated knowing what he knew, debating in his mind if he should just tell the truth.
âHow complicated could it be? You see woman alone with her son who obviously needs help and you took advantage, just like Alex did, just like Marshall did, just like-â
âAnthony, dammit Iâm your father!â He blurt out in the blistering cold. Anthony stared up at him in shock, eyes full of questions.
âIâm your fatherâ he repeated in a whisper almost as if he was trying to convince himself.
âNo-â Anthony shook his head.
âHe died, mom and him-â Joel began abruptly pulling off his glove and grabbed his sonâs hand and pointed out the matching birth marks they each had. Anthony silently stared down at the marks on each hand, Joelâs large rough hand beside his.
âI ainât lyinâ to youâ his eyes desperate, Anthony still silent until his gaze softened as if in that moment something finally clicked for him.
âI know you might be upset that we didnât tell you right away but your mama is very protective of youâŠrightfully so.â Joel explained still on edge, anxiously awaiting Anthonyâs reaction. But in that moment his son surprised him, he looked up into his eyes and for just a moment he saw Sarah in his eyes, a look she used to give him whenever she would randomly reach up and hug him. His chest tightened.
âSo youâre my dadâ Anthony spoke softly, Joelâs eyes slightly tearing up. He nodded before he spoke.
âMhm,â he paused looking down at him.
âAnd if you need space you just say the word, if youâre upset youâŠjust donât take it out on your mama. She doesnât deserve it. She-â unexpectedly Anthony ran into Joel, his arms closing around him. Joel froze, not expecting this reaction, almost in disbelief. Anthony didnât say a word and just held onto him, Joel swallowed hard and slowly wrapped his arms around his son taking in the moment. There wasnât much words but Joel knew many questions would come soon, till then he looked back in the direction of your house and looked down at Anthony.
âShould get you back home, your mama is worried. Itâs lateâ Anthony nodded in agreement and followed his father on the walk home.
The walk back to the house Anthony kept looking over at Joel, a mixture of different feelings he couldnât fully understand. There was a form of relief, the closeness he already felt with Joel, he always felt there was something different about it.
~~
It felt like hours had passed as you stood by the door anxiously looking outside. It was dark out, not much you could see. You hoped Anthony hadnât ran off far, the thought only making you more anxious. You paced back and forth in the room before finally grabbing your keys and coat, walking out in the late night cool air.
The concern you felt for your son outweighed any doubt you felt about walking out into the dark. Walking straight out your front door, you hadnât even reached the gate when you heard your name.
It was Marshall.
You stopped in your tracks looking up at him as he slowly made his way to your front gate.
âWhat brings you out at this hour?â
You couldnât find the words to say, you swallowed hard as you looked past him into the dark road. He followed your eyes and looked back before turning to you with a chuckle as he made his way towards you.
âNot thinking of walking this dark road alone are you?â
âI uh-â
âWhereâs Anthony?â He asked curiously as you reached behind you to open the door.
âHeâs um-â
âShould get you back inside,â his hand unexpectedly followed yours turning the door knob. He stood still looking down at you for a moment before motioning for you to step back into the house. In that very moment you regretted not listening to Joel, the panic of a mother taking over you.
âIâm fine, Marshallâ you spoke as confident as you could but your eyes didnât match.
âI just wanna make sureâ he smiled, the same non genuine smiled he always used. You took a step back as he let himself in, your heart racing as he closed the door behind him.
~~
Joel and Anthony walked back together towards the house. Silently he kept looking back over at his son wondering what was going through his mind until he looked up, and thatâs when he saw it. Through your living room window Marshall could be seen across from you. Joel stopped in his tracks just as he put his hand on Anthonyâs chest stopping him from moving.
âWhat happened?â Anthony asked confused as Joel looked over at him.
âGo to Tommyâsâ
âWhat? Why?â
âJust do as I say,â Joel spoke firmly.
âGo onâ he motioned towards Tommyâs house and watched him walk to it. He waited until Tommy opened the door probably confused to see Anthony there but once he let him in, Joel continued walking.
~~
âYou donât have to be here, Marshallâ you spoke awkwardly, hoping heâd leave.
âCanât leave you here by yourselfâ he responded with a shrug when the door swung open letting in the cold air. Joel walked in glaring straight at Marshall, you stood up anxiously wondering where Anthony was.
âJoel-â
He looked over at you first, a nod as if assuring that you were ok. His expression instantly changing as he looked back at Marshall.
âThe hell you doinâ here?â
âHey, I was just making sure she was ok. Caught her trying to head out in these late hours-â Joel looked back at you.
âI was worried..â you whispered.
âLucky she ran into meâŠyou know..she couldâve ran into the wrong person.â Marshall spoke with a sickening tone as Joel made his way around and stood before you, blocking his view of you.
âYou can leave now.â Joel stood up straight, guarded. Marshall smiled and sighed loudly.
âGuess my job here is done, gotta keep an eye on her. I was always good at thatâ he muttered as he took slow steps backwards before fully turning to the door. You could see how tense Joel felt, his hands balled into fists at his sides as he watched Marshall leave. Joel instantly turned to you, his eyes eagerly looking over you.
âYou alright? He touch you?â
âNo-no-â
âYou sure?â He asked looking into your eyes desperately, his hand reaching your chin tilting it up towards him.
âYes-â
âHow the hell he get in here, I told you to stay insideâ
âI couldnât wait any longer! Whereâs Anthony? Is he ok?â
âHeâs fine,â his expression softening at the mention of Anthony. âHeâs at Tommyâs, heâs safeâ you sighed in relief, your hand over your heart. Joel stared at you silently for a moment unsure of how to say it, almost afraid to. You looked up at him and could see the uncertainty in his eyes.
âWhat? What is it?â Your eyes widened, your anxiety taking over you again. Joel didnât speak for a moment, unsure of howâd you react.
âJoel?â You whispered.
âI told himâ he blurt out low. You stood still and breathed slowly waiting to hear the worst.
âHeâŠhe ainât mad..heâs..alright..I mean as alright as he can be..â Joel spoke as if he himself couldnât believe it.
âI know you wanted to wait and I know you wanted to be there but-â you suddenly interrupted him by taking hold of his face and placing your lips on his. His eyes open, confused, your touch sudden but still gentle. You slowly pulled back, your hands still on him as he looked down at you.
âI trust you,â you whispered.
Joel let out a deep breath gently resting his forehead on yours.
âTomorrow weâll talk, all 3 of us. Weâll figure it out..â you whispered. Joel nodded before his expression changed, his eyes focused.
âHe needs to leaveâ he spoke low. You nodded but before you could say a word Joel continued.
âI mean it. I canât have him near you and Anthony.â You knew he meant every word he said, you just didnât know how far heâd go.
Hey guys Iâve been SO busy this holiday season but Iâm almost done with the last chapter for Years Gone By. I plan to post it within the next 2 days maybe sooner, thanks for being soooo patient đ
Javi And Joel @joelslastofus - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
