Hello shiny, glittery beautiful diary! You are crisp and clean and ready to get DESTROYED by stickers and gel pens! Eeee! I wanted to start documenting big moments in my life, so today I decided I would recall the memory of Murglgles before it gets too fuzzy!
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Today was the first day of training with The Cast Company! I’m still not sure how I got here, one minute I was cleaning up Hidden Delights booth at the job faire, the next minute I was handed a waiver from a murloc named Theadore. I’ll tell ya, that Sal guy was a real salesman! AND sailsman heehee!
Anywhoo, the training was ROUGH! Almost as rough as the time I fell off my pink bicycle and into a pond before I knew how to swim. But that time I wasn’t entirely in fear for my life. Today was the first time I was genuinely concerned about my life. Theadore was a very nice young murloc, but his family is NOT!
When I arrived in Dalaran for the event, I was greeted by an assortment of kneecaps and bloodthirsty, ravenous murlocs! Some had daggers and knives and improvised weapons! Others had fists! MASSIVE BALLS OF RAGE AND ANGER! Some were nice though. The other members of the Company were able to dismiss the murderlocs with a swift kick or scolding, but they did not respond well to my ferocity. I tried really hard to deal with the problem myself, it’s embarrassing enough to have to ask for a step stool everywhere, I didn’t want my new friends to think I’m a baby. So I grinned and bared it and cooked up a super duper humdinger of a revenge plan.
After the event, I sprang into action. You see, I followed the murlocs back to their murloc fortress. I moved real quiet through the brush, imitating the gait and shadowy step of Ranek (he’s one of the cool people that lead the Company! He’s also an investigator and kind of sneaky sometimes). I must’ve done a dazzling job, the murlocs had NO IDEA that I was hot on their fishy trails! Except I accidentally followed a nice murloc home to his residence and got attacked by a giant creature. It resembled a pug, it smelled like a pug, it woofed like a pug, but I know what a pug looks like. That was a BEAR!
Luckily at that point, I was close to the murloc fortress, I could determine it by the cries of MURGLGLGLGL in the distance. I followed the sound and peeked into their habitat. What I saw still haunts me. There were some murlocs having a tea party, some murlocs sharpening their KNIVES, there were corpses of stuffies and dolls everywhere! I almost high tailed it out of there but I was so close to my goal! I located their den sleeping area and snuck over to it. The stupid creatures were too busy being horrible to notice! I carefully extracted several glitter bombs from my bag, and that’s when I noticed one nest was occupied.
In the corner off by itself was a tiny nest with one egg in it. I could hear Evil Jo whispering to me, “Kick it. It’s abandoned anyways.” I snickered at Evil Jo and thought she had a fantastic idea! I giggled and marched toward my victim. Good Jo kicked in and reminded me that I should be nice and considerate to the murderlocs. But the Light giveth and the Light taketh away, right? I decided to do some taking away. They had already nearly taken away my pigtails!
I paced around the nest, looking for the absolute bestest angle to launch my assault. I firmly planted both my feet on the ground and visualized me kicking the egg and it erupting into a gazillion shards of nothingness, then teleporting as fast as I could back to Stormwind. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and swung my leg back as far as I could, then gained as much yeeting force as possible and swung forwards towards the egg. My left leg went clear over the egg and my right leg swung out from under me. I fell backwards and konked my head on the hard packed dirt and went lights out.
I don’t know how long I laid on the ground, but when I came to I was still alive. Four fingers on each hand, two hands, two feet, ten toes. I was in good shape! The murlocs were still murderlocing and I got up to make a hasty exit from my botched evil plan. A mental note was made to maybe disregard Evil Jo in the future. That’s when I realized The Egg was gone. The nest was empty with no sign of the egg. I wasn’t too terribly invested in The Egg and still had priority one of making a quick exit. I picked up my bag and got the fel out of there! Er, tried to.
I picked up my bag and noticed it felt a little heavier than before, and MOVING! A grey murloc poked his teeny tiny baby head out of the opening. It had bits of shell on it’s head and cookie crumbs on it’s mouth. I let out a shrill AAAHHH!! and the murloc let out an alarmed MURGLGLGL! raising both of their tiny murloc handsies in fright! This alerted the murder of murlocs (I’ve decided a group of murlocs is called a murder) and they began running towards me! I hastily ported as quick as I could, murloc bag in tow. I escaped and landed back in my apartment with my new friend. They seemed content to hide out in my bag, provided the cookie stash was regularly replenished.
Murglgles has proven to be low maintenance and easygoing, probably because they did not have time to be corrupted by the Murderlocs. They were also able to intercede on my behalf to let the Murderlocs know that I am not a threat, toy, doll, or cursed statue. I am very thankful for their diligence in controlling their murdermates. I have since made friends with most of the murlocs and enjoy working with them!
~Jo
There is a bite mark at the bottom of the paper denoting Murglgles’ signature.
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Thanks to Dixis Fizzpump for the Murglgles Origin Story idea!
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