Whafting Whiffs of Whatnot

JohnCraig was bitten by a radioactive Phil Collins at a young age and has been spending their time split between filling out online forms, rolling too many dice, and stage managing a variety of shows ever since. A friend once said, "every conversation you have with JohnCraig will be the nerdiest conversation you have all day."

[animation-s]

[221cbakerstreet]

lion roars are not as powerful as some guy named frank with a trash can

[satandotgov]

how can you post that and not include the video

[moved--306389]

I’M FUCKING WHEEZING

[guardianbastard]

*several seconds of feral snarls*

“great, great yeah that was good”

[transm3d]

I liTERaLLY CAnT BTeAtHE

[johnny2tone]

Can we go back to the “some guy named frank” comment for a moment? It’s Frank freakin’ Welker! The man is a legend in the voice acting arena. He is Megatron, Dr. Claw, baby Kermit, Bigtime AND Baggy Beagle, Scooby-Doo, Santa’s Little Helper, Bronx, Nibbler... the list goes on and on.

[coldbrewlesbian-deactivated2020]

chuck e cheese google reviews are a freakin gold mine

[dicksmasher]

from my local chunky cheese

[oestranhomundodek]

[taco-bout-a-shit-blog]

I FOUND IT AGAIN!!!!

[glas-smaragaide-deactivated2019]

Re-blogging every time I see it…. this shit never gets old. :D

[fuchsiamae]

an incomplete list of unsettling short stories I read in textbooks

the scarlet ibis

marigolds

the diamond necklace

the monkey’s paw

the open boat

the lady and the tiger

the minister’s black veil

an occurrence at owl creek bridge

a rose for emily

(I found that one by googling “short story corpse in the house,” first result)

the cask of amontillado

the yellow wallpaper

the most dangerous game

a good man is hard to find

some are well-known, some obscure, some I enjoy as an adult, all made me uncomfortable between the ages of 11-15

add your own weird shit, I wanna be literary and disturbed

[repulsion-gel]

The Tell-Tale Heart, The Gift of the Magi, The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calavaras County, Thank You Ma'am

[allyitis]

the box social by james reaney. i remember we all had to silently read it in class, and you would hear the moment everyone reached the Part because some people would audibly go “what”

[fuchsiamae]

wHat did I just put my eyes on

[schrodingers-rufus]

“The Veldt” by Ray Bradbury

Not quite a short story, but read in class: “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street” from The Twilight Zone

[w3rewolf-th3rewolf]

Harrison Bergeron, Cat and the Coffee Drinkers

[rebel-against-reality]

“Where are you going and where have you been” by Joyce carol oates

[actuallyapathy]

“The Pedestrian” by Ray Bradbury

[asexualzoro]

the lottery by shirley jackson

[eccentwrit]

i can’t believe Roald Dahl’s “The Landlady” wasn’t already mentioned and also it’s not so much unsettling as more absurdist but “The Leader” by Eugene Ionesco definitely made me go wtf

[idlewildly]

Ett halvt ark papper. I cried so much.

[bravinto]

Ночь у мазара, А. Шалимов

[siderealsandman]

A Sound of Thunder by Ray Bradbury

[insanitysbloomings]

I Have no Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison

[felderwin]

The Lottery by Shirley Jackson

All Summer in a Day by Ray Bradbury 

[was-once-somewhere-else]

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby, by Donald Barthelme

[jeaniefranklins]

I read Ray Bradbury’s “All Summer In A Day” in seventh grade (it wasn’t assigned, I was just going through my textbook for new stuff to read) and as a bullied kid with SAD, it Fucked Me Up.

[sanguinarysanguinity]

An Ordinary Day with Peanuts, by Shirley Jackson

[real-faker]

Eh, this was more like community college, but The Star by Arthur C. Clarke

[scarlettaagni]

Lamb to the Slaughter by Roald Dahl

and this story that I can’t remember the name of and can’t find, though it might be by O. Henry? it’s about a bunch of demons who want to stop Santa Claus from going through with Christmas, and he must travel through the mountains they inhabit to escape their vices? (good christ I can’t remember the name for the life of me)

[ghostloner]

Ok but the laughing man and a good day for bananafish but j.d. Salinger

[nitrosplicer]

The City (195) Ray Bradbury. An intense commentary on colonialism and space exploration. I read it for a sci fi survey class.

Another short story I read in that sci fi class was Vaster than Empires and More Slow (1971) by Ursula K. Le Guin. A commentary on humanity and how human we believe ourselves to be. Also, an interesting commentary on mental health.

In the Woods Beneath the Cherry Blossoms in Full Bloom, written in 1947 by Ango Sakaguchi. It made my skin crawl the first time I read it.

Also going to recommend For A Breath I Tarry by Roger Zelazny, a commentary on whether AI can become human in a future without humans: http://www.kulichki.com/moshkow/ZELQZNY/forbreat.txt

[cryingalonewithfrankenstein]

whoever posted “The Laughing Man” and “A Good Day For Bananafish” is Correct

[fluffmugger]

the scarlet ibis

marigolds

the diamond necklace

the monkey’s paw

the open boat

the lady and the tiger (I assume you meant Stockton’s The lady or the  tiger?)

the minister’s black veil

an occurrence at owl creek bridge

a rose for emily

the cask of amontillado

the yellow wallpaper

the most dangerous game

a good man is hard to find

The Tell-Tale Heart

 The Gift of the Magi

The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calavaras County

 Thank You Ma'am

The box social 

The Veldt

The Monsters are Due on Maple Street

Harrison Bergeron

Cat and the Coffee Drinkers

Where are you going and where have you been

The Pedestrian” by Ray Bradbury

The lottery by shirley jackson

The Landlady

The Leader

Ett halvt ark papper.

Ночь у мазара, А. Шалимов

A Sound of Thunder 

I Have no Mouth, and I Must Scream 

All Summer in a Day 

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby

An Ordinary Day with Peanuts

The Star 

Lamb to the Slaughter

The laughing man 

A perfect day for bananafish

The City (link goes to compendium of short stories)

Vaster than Empires and More Slow (1971) by Ursula K. Le Guin.

In the Woods Beneath the Cherry Blossoms in Full Bloom 

For A Breath I Tarry 

[the-prince-of-tides]

All of Flannery O'Connor’s shorts.

[thecaffeinebookwarrior-deactiva]

I didn’t read it in a text book, but “I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream” haunted me for life.

[johnny2tone]

“The Cold Equations” by Tom Godwin as well. People don’t often think things through, do they?

[johnny2tone]

[kookybat810]

Lil’ MCBC getting shot in the face with a staple gun!

From Pretty in Pink (1986).

[ninjkabat]

I swear I feel like they’ve used this footage before in their show.  Like, I feel it was playing in their video collage while playing “Look at me I’m a winner.”

[johnny2tone]

You might be right. I feel like either Skibz or Jeff would be able to confirm that.

[infinitimatti]

"It’s not rape when women do it."

  "If he’s aroused that means he’s consenting."

"Men being raped by women is so rare. Why talk about it?"

"OOOOH ITS ALWAYS ABOUT MEN IS IT?!"

"It’s only rape if the person being raped is less privileged."

[johnny2tone]

If it was a real rape, the male body has a way of preventing an erection.

[angelicbreadroll]

this one time when i was seven i thought that i could talk to trees (because i had no friends), and i use to sit by them and say things and one day i was talking to my tree friend called kevin and this girl went up to me and said “are you talking to that tree, freak!” and i started crying and hugged on to the tree, and while she was laughing one of the branches fell on the girls head, thanks kevin.

[demigodloki-blog]

Behold my minions, the Hiddleston Eye Fuck.  Leave your panties at the door.  

[seochngbin]

WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS

OMG

[trinandtonic-deactivated2022102]

tbh I think he was just concerned about the quality of her chair and was making she that she was well supported.

because Hiddleston, guys. 

[naffzilla]

New Mustard Plug song off the new album they had a kickstarter for! The album will be called “Can’t Contain it!” due to come out 1/14/14 via No Idea Records.

Kickstarter people should get their rewards around christmas though! 

[njwight-deactivated20251210]

[njwight-deactivated20251210]

The one that got away…Happy Thanksgiving!

[bugzoned]

(via njwight)

[andyaquabats]

This makes me never want to eat a turkey again

[johnny2tone]

And now I want turkey all the time.

[wickedclothes]

[wickedclothes]

Programmable Tattoo System

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So how does it work? We have partnered with leading physicians and technicians in the cosmetic surgery industry to implant the E ink grid, called a canvas. The canvas can go anywhere on your body and be configured to the size and shape of the body party you’d like to ink. After a short healing period (usually 2-3 days), you can begin using the moodInq software included with your kit to change your canvas to display the tattoo you desire! Found on ThinkGeek.

[hotbabelien]

By the way, Jimmy rebuking the commander is like one of my favorite things.

[keepclassy]

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If i hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If i hold it for an hour, i’ll have an ache in my arm. If i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a big longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.” Always remember to put the glass down.

(via tryandfall)

Best thing I’ve heard all day.

(via dolphinity)

If the absolute weight didn't matter, why ask how much it weighs?

This isn't an example of "a clever question," merely changing the subject so as to make the audience think about something specific.

Better wording would have been to follow that question up with, "and how long do you thing I can hold it aloft?"

[willgrrraham-deactivated2017110]

[johnny2tone]

Q: Why do all of your products cost more today?

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[maxistentialist-deactivated2020]

[cah]

Amazing Black Friday savings at CardsAgainstHumanity.com.